Tag Archives: Transform your mind

How to Be Successful:10 Secrets to Success

I want to share 10, secrets to success, that are also my, secrets to success. I do believe that, success, leaves Clues.  I have not achieved ultimate, success; I am still working towards it, but I am, successful, because I have succeeded in all the goals, I have set for myself.

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Definition of success

So, what is the, definition of success? Success, is defined the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.

We all think that, success, means the attainment of wealth and furthermore we think wealth is millions in the bank.  But let me share with you a secret, you are wealthier that 95% of the world if you have a savings account, if you have a jar of coins, if you have food to eat and a roof over your head.

You are considered, successful, if you have achieved eminence which means you have a successful career or profession.  How many of you know that you could have a PHD and be recognized with all kind of awards and accolades and still live in poverty. I say all that to say that I am, successful, even though I have not yet achieved great wealth.

My story is probably similar to a lot of people who achieved, success. Most successful people start off with nothing and I am no exception.

How to be successful

I was born in British Guyana, in South America. When I was born Guyana was very a poor country, it still is a Third World country. Both my mom and my grandmother were domestic servants and we didn't have much. My Dad taught me at a very early age the value of education to elevate ourselves out of poverty. He was very smart. When I was born he was in Teachers College and went on to get his PH.D in in London in his early thirties. This is the first step in, how to be successful, education.

I'm submerging myself right now in the book “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton and I'm understanding from Dr. Lipton, that genes give us 50% of our character and the other 50% comes from the environment we grew up in. Looking back, I can say that as a child, because I was the first born, I was cocooned in love so, the environment that I grew up in, kind of nullified the poverty thing.

Self Improvement Book: Out of the Snares
Out of the Snares of poverty, and abuse

10 Secrets to Success

So let me share with you the 10, secrets of my success, as recorded in my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement.

Secret # 1- Don't be a victim. Many women in the black community have been molested as children and I was one of them. We could use that story to become a, victim, of our circumstances and that stifles, success, because, victims, have no power. A, victim mentality, says that somebody did something to you and that person has the power over you. Instead, you need to become as a Player. When you are a player, I use the analogy of a blackjack game, regardless of what the dealer is showing, regardless of where you are and your circumstances right now, regardless of what you see physically in front of you, you can still play to win.

Transform Your Mind Podvine
Transform Your Mind Podvine

Rewrite Your Story

Secret # 2 – Don’t be defined by where you start out, rewrite your story. In the movie Maid in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez.  Jennifer Lopez was a maid and she lied about who she was so she could date a Senator, when she was found out and fired from the hotel, her manager told her just because we serve others, we are not their servants.  They are no better than us because they have money. You are not inferior because you were born on the wrong side of the tracks or in a poor country. Your intelligence can take you from there and transplant you in the land of the riches.  Another story I want to share with you is about Sydney Pottier. I was just watching his documentary on Netflix and he shared that he never saw lights, running water, a school nothing.  He was born in a poor part of the Bahamas and when he first went to Nassau and saw the other side of how people lived, he was amazed.

Then he moved to Miami and started delivering food and encountered racism where because he was black, he was considered not worthy of anything. So he moved to Harlem where he saw for the first time, successful blacks.  He decided to try his luck at acting, but he couldn’t read.  He taught himself to read by reading the newspaper and got rid of his accent by mimicking a radio personality and he went on to become the first African American to win an academy award and star in the most iconic films.  So regardless of where you start out in life you can always, rewrite your story.

Podbay FM Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podbay FM

Secrets to Success: An abundant mindset

Secret #3 – Develop an abundant mindset – When I was a child, my parents were poor but I had a very wealthy Godfather.  I spent a lot of time at his house and he treated me like one of his grandchildren. Because of my association with my godfather, I never wanted for anything.  When I became an adult, this, abundant mindset, helped me always look at a glass half full instead of half empty.

I immigrated to Toronto, Canada at 17 years old. I immediately got a good job at a bank with no experience. After a couple of years, I decided to go to college. Canada is a country with lots of benefits. I was able to go back to school for free, unemployment insurance from my job paid for my schooling. I graduated with a degree in computer science and I decided to go to sell computers because I understood that that's where the most money was.

When you have an, abundant mindset, you look at the world as having everything you need and you don’t see lack. Because of this you attract into your experience abundance.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Secrets to success: Unleash the power within

Secrets to success, #4 – Unleash the power within. As I mentioned, after graduating from College, I took a job selling computers. A couple years into selling computers, my company received an invitation to attend a free seminar with Tony Robbins called, Unleash the power within. How many of you know that everything you need to be successful in life is pre-loaded into you at birth.

Joel Osteen says, we are all like a luxury car, we come pre-loaded with all kinds of luxury features and all we have to do is read the manual to figure out how to work them. Unleash the Power within, opened up to me my pre-loaded characteristics, I went into that seminar as a salesperson, I came out of that seminar an entrepreneur. Two months later, I started my own limousine service and went on to become the largest female operator in Toronto, Canada and winning the Entrepreneur of the year award.

Secret to Success, #5 – Persistence, never give up. If you have a goal or dream, never give up on it. My favorite mantra is “If you build it, they will come.” I have had several goals and dreams that I stuck with and, never gave up.  My book “Out of the Snares” reads like a suspense novel as I give details about achieving my dream of becoming an American Citizen.  I, never gave up; it took me 3 tries and 10 years but, in the end, I received this benefit.

I also kept looking for love, I have been married quite a few times until I found the man of my dreams.

I started my radio show and podcast 7 years ago and kept building and building.  I knew I had to put in the time and finally, I have achieved, success. So, make persistence your top characteristic and never ever give up on your dreams.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Secrets to Success: Guidance from your higher self

Secrets to success, #6 – be open to guidance from the Divine or your, Higher self. You have to live consciously to be in communication with your spirit guide. I know now that the things that we see and the things that we pay attention to, is the universe speaking to us and directing us to our purpose.

The way to open yourself up to guidance from your, higher self, is to meditate and quiet your mind.  I am most open to inspiration when I wake up in the morning and I act on all my inspiration messages so as to keep them coming.

Secret to success, #7 – Action. I am not one of those people who think about things for years and do nothing.  I get inspiration and I move. Case in point.  One day I was flipping through a newspaper and I saw the word Life coach under the name of one of my church members.  I had never heard or seen that word before.

I was reading this book at the time and the author was saying that if you would like to find out how someone is achieving success buy them lunch or dinner and pick their brains. So, I invited my church sister to lunch and asked her everything I needed to know about becoming a Life coach. I didn’t waste any time, I took,action. I was enrolled in University of Miami coaching program the next month! Like I said, I move, I take, action.

About a year after becoming a, Life Coach, I received an invitation to be a guest on a radio show and talk about my, secrets to success, The show was aired on WDJY 99.1 Metro Atlanta. Hype Media Global owned the station and they loved my personality and my content and offered me my own show! The rest is history. The radio show turned into a podcast and a television show on Preach The Word Worldwide Television Network ,  Action, is the first step to the rest of your life.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

Secret to Success: learn as you go

Secrets to success, # 8 – Jump in and, learn as you go. As I mentioned, when Hype media offered me my own show, I didn’t hesitate by saying I don’t know what to do. I had to learn to interview, I had to learn to produce my own show and then learn how to convert it to a podcast. I learned as I went on, then I had to learn how to write a blog, then I had to learn how to edit my website, how to do SEO, Etc. I am still learning every day.

Secrets to success, #9 – practice meditation. There are so many benefits to, meditation. For me, meditation, allows me to control my energy and vibration. When you relax your body and quite your mind from thoughts of the past or future you are able to concentrate on the, present moment. The, present moment, is the only thing that matters, it is really a present.

The benefit for me is that I know that when I have positive vibration, I attract the good things.  If you want to be, successful, you need to engage the, laws of attraction, to bring you what you dream about. The only way to do this is to control your energy.  Meditation, relaxes mind body so that your spirit which is your, subconscious mind, can get to work. This is how you become the co-creator of your life. So, meditate and concentrate on what you want because where attention goes, energy flows!

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

Secret to success: Transform Your Mind

Secrets to success, #10 –  Transform your mind, I encourage everybody that's listening to this podcast or reading this blog, to look at what beliefs and behaviors are not serving you and replace them. It is not easy because most of us live unconsciously, but awareness is key.

Look for the opportunity in any setback. I'm an optimist. I am not sure when this started, but I'm an optimist. Optimism is one of the foundations to, secrets to success, anytime something happens to me or I receive any kind of push-back, I look for the opportunity in it. What I'm talking about is, transform your mind, to obstacles or setbacks; when one door closes another door opens.  Don’t spend too much time looking in the rear-view mirror, you are not going that way.

I was working for Office Depot when Office Depot and OfficeMax merged and they fired me and gave me a great severance package. I had worked for Office Depot for ten years. With that severance package, I started my own business and went into it full time. I never looked back. I had coworkers who wallowed in self-pity. What am I going to do? How am I going to find a job at 50 years old? Cry, cry.

I heard Oprah say it a different way.

The sun is always there even when the clouds are covering it. The sun is still shining underneath, you just can't see it. Always look for the silver lining, if you look for it, you will find it.

Live your life with intention. Intention is energy, it’s thought. Before you do anything, it first has to be a thought in your brain. Before you can hold anything in your hand you first have to hold it in your head.

These are my, secrets to my success; I hope you can make them yours.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into, Transformation Fridays, with coach Myrna.  I hope you were inspired today and look at, success, differently. I hope to see you back here next week for another episode of, Transformation Fridays.  Until then Namaste

 

Additional Resources 

How to Unleash The Power Within

The Path to Self-Mastery

How does professional sports equip us for, self-mastery? Pro golfer Thane Marcus Ringler, Life coach and Author shares the path to, self-mastery.

In the guest chair today is Thane Marcus Ringler, a former pro golfer turned writer, speaker, collaborator, and entrepreneur and author of the new book “From Here to There – A Quarter-Life Perspective on the Path to, Mastery,”

After competing for nearly four years as a professional golfer, he transitioned out of the world of golf into his new endeavors as coach.
Can you share your journey to becoming a professional golfer and how it marries to your life today as a coach, collaborator and podcaster. There must be a story in there why you actually give up golf, love to hear it.

Journey to self-mastery

My journey like everyone's life and path is a journey. Journeys take lots of time and usually involve lots of failure and mine is no doubt the same. I started playing golf when I was really young. My dad got me into it and I really enjoyed playing. I was a competitive kid so anything with competition in sports I was in.

In golf, there wasn't anyone else responsible for your successes. Your path to, self-mastery, depends on only you. I felt like I had the most control in my success. As I progressed it became clear it was something that I could really build. My focus kind of narrowed on golf in high school. I started dropping other sports so that I could really focus on golf. I ended up playing in college at Masters University in California. I worked on, self-mastery, for four years in college.

It was clear that I had the skills to be a professional golfer. So, I decided to give it a shot. In my senior year, I created the business plan and the structure around getting the financing to play professional golf. I got 10 to 11 sponsors and investors to back me. So, when I graduated, I was able to turn professional right away, upon leaving college in May of 2014. That kind of kicked off my four-year journey of playing professional golf.

Professional Golf teaches mastery

It takes a professional golfer about 10 years to get from, here to there, there being the PGA tour, and to self-mastery, the ultimate goal for every professional golfer. It's not an overnight thing. There're the people that you know, Tiger Woods, Jordan Spieth and Phil Mickelson and the 1% of the 1% the superstars. Everyone else it takes an average of 10 years to get from, here to there, and to, self-mastery,

TuneIn Radio

My first year was a lot of failure, and a lot of learning. It was this process of development and, self-mastery, the process of learning how to develop and grow as a human very much at the same time.

As a golfer I started to learn to grow and improve and see some slow signs of growth and success. About two years into the journey after I've gotten partial status, I started to face a systemic injury which started in 2016. It was a muscle strain in my back. Many different factors combined and that kicked off about a year-and-a-half journey of failing to rehab correctly, failure of treating the symptom versus the injury. When I did reach the end of those first three and a half years, it became clear that my body wasn't 100 % healed.

But the bigger thing that happened was at my desires and giftings and abilities had kind of shown a different purpose. I felt more called to coach, so I made the decision this last December to transition out of Golf.

Finding true purpose

I truly believe what I'm doing now is my purpose. I believe that golf equipped me for my true purpose. I think that the journey of professional golf was a hyper-focused form of personal development and, self-mastery, because golf again is an arena where at the end of the day you have to take 100% ownership of your career, your life and your success because there's no one to blame but yourself if you don’t succeed.

There are no coaches, there's no teammates, there's no referee, there's no other external factors that you can blame for winning or losing. You have to take that ownership upon yourself. So, it really it forced me to leave no stone unturned in figuring out how to optimize and to, self-mastery, create the best form of myself as a competitor and as a golfer. You can't control outcomes, but you can control your preparation and, self-mastery, of the game.

Stitcher

I never planned on being at this place where I am now, as a speaker and a writer and entrepreneur. All these things manifested because I was faithful to do the best that I could. In golf I left no stone unturned, and it has equipped me for his work. If I hadn't been faithful to do that then I wouldn't be ready. Golf allowed me to get, from here to there, and to, self-mastery,

There's a really good book called “The talent code” by Daniel Coyle and he teaches whether you’re coaching soccer or teaching a child to play the piano, writing a novel or trying to improve your golf swing, this revolutionary book shows you how to grow talent by tapping into a newly discovered brain mechanism. He feels that just because you have the talent doesn't mean
it will be nurtured to the level of, self-mastery, its deep work and deep practice to really develop skill, competence and, self-mastery, in any field it's always a combination of nature and nurture.

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Conclusion

Follow Myrna on Instagram, twitter, Facebook,

I think the mindset of a professional athlete is one that is competitive but not just competitive it's also inspired. I think having clarity is really important as well. As an athlete you get objective feedback of win or lose, so you can figure out how to get, from here to there, and to, self- mastery, I think the same is true about having a vision. You have a goal you are striving for and you get feedback from whether you are successful or not.


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What is your quarter life perspective on, self- mastery.
I give a lot of credit for this title to my grandpa. When I was writing this book, he was an influential voice in my head and life.

To listen to Thane's Quarter life perspective on, self-mastery, Download the rest of this inspiring interview on iTunes, Google play, Stitcher, Podbean, and iHeart radio,

Additional resources:
https://www.thanemarcus.com/who/
The path to Mastery
the-quest-for-purpose-six-holistic-ways-finding-purpose/
https://myhelps.us/how-to-flow-with-desire/

What to Do If You Find Yourself In the Wilderness

Why are you in the, wilderness? The people of Israel wandered in the, wilderness, for 40 years and never got to see the, promised land, that God had given them.

They were in the, wilderness, because time and time again they showed contempt for God, never believing his word, even after witnessing time and time again his, miraculous signs.

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Here is a partial list of Gods miraculous signs

  • He sent plagues upon the Egyptians.
  • God protected their first born from death by telling them to smear blood on the door of their homes.
  • He brought them out of slavery.
  • God used Moses to part the Red Sea so they can escape Pharaoh's army and then witnessed the Red Sea swallow the Egyptians up.
  • He sends, manna, from the heavens to feed them.
  • The Lord sent quail when they complained they wanted meat.
  • He gave them a land of milk and honey and they were too afraid to go get it.
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

You are in the, wilderness, because you let fear of the unknown predict your future.

The people of Israel refused to go into the, promised land, because they were afraid the giants in the land would kill them in battle and carry off their wife’s and children. They accepted defeat without even throwing a punch.

Don't let fear of the unknown keep you in the wilderness

Why do you need to, transform your mind? Because that is the way out of the, wilderness. Caleb and his family got to possess the, promised land, because his mind was right. He had no fear.

He said “Let’s go at once and take the land, we can certainly conquer it”

The, wilderness, is a mindset!

The wilderness mindset

The, wilderness mindset, is like the, poverty mindset, it always want to return to the familiar.

The, wilderness mindset, is accustomed to, struggle, it can’t phantom victory and abundance it always returns to, lack and struggle.

When new opportunities are presented the, wilderness mindset, will always take you back to what it perceives as safety and that is staying right where you are in the, dry barren desert.

What is a poverty mindset?
What is, Poverty Mindset? Having a, poverty mindset is a fear that you will never have enough. It holds you back by convincing you that your circumstances will never change for the better. This way of thinking manifests in two ways: Always spending what you have because you may not have more later.
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Your dry, barren place, is anywhere that is not feeding your soul. It could be an abusive relationship, it could be a job you hate, it could be living in an unsafe home. But you stay because it is familiar and your basic need are being met.

But you weren’t created just to survive, you were created to live in a land flowing with milk and honey, to live with joy, peace, happiness, abundance, harmony. You were created to live in paradise.

We were meant to thrive not just survive.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

The difference between surviving in the wilderness and thriving in paradise

Surviving, is a grim struggle—you’re white-knuckling life, just barely getting by. Thriving, is living and thinking abundantly.

Surviving, is a drag, a daily slog to stay alive. Thriving, is joyful and infectious.

So what keeps us from, thriving?

  • Fear of the unknown,
  • Staying in your comfort zone
  • Not obeying God's commandments
  • Not willing to do the work
Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Conclusion

So, if you find yourself in the, wilderness, ask yourself why are you there and do the work to find and possess your, promised land.

That’s why the detail of the, Promised Land, overflowing with milk and honey was so important: God promised His people a land where everything was in top working order. This was a land abounding in fruitful pastures and efflorescent vegetation. This was a land functioning in its proper, God-designed rhythms. The result was natural abundance.

The description “overflowing with honey” offers a glimpse into what God desires and promises us all — an invitation for us to taste and see that the Lord is good.

This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

Why is Renewing Your Mind Important?

How The Army Train The Mind To Achieve Purpose

Lusene Donzo started life in the US as a, refugee, from Liberia.  After arriving in America he enlisted in the, US Army, and began, training his mind, to live his, calling.  Listen to Lusene's story of how he overcame a grand mal seizure, living on, welfare, to find success in the, army, as well as an entrepreneur and speaker.

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Bio

Lusene grew up in Monrovia, Liberia, and came to America as a refugee 17 years ago. October 20, 2016 his life changed forever where he ended up having a grand mal seizure and ended up in a coma. He quickly realized that tomorrow is not promised and as long as you have life you should chase after your dreams and things that matter.

He later graduated from Virginia State University as a computer science major, commissioned in the US Army in 2018. Today Lusene is an author, speaker, credit consultant and a United States Army Officer who loves empowering people and helping them build their credit. Lusene is the author of “The Power of Determination: Train Your Mind To Live Your Calling

Myrna: We are witnessing a war in, Ukraine, at this moment, I'm having chills now just thinking about it. We all know that the life of those, refugees, are not going to be easy. Right now, they don't know where they're going to be living or how they're going to eat. So, your journey is an interesting one to talk about in this climate.  Tell us, your story.

Lusene: So, originally, I grew up in Liberia, at the age of six, in 1990, Liberia had a civil war. I was born in 92. So I was born during the height of the Civil War. And I remember at the age of four or five years old that we would have rebels coming up coming the house and my mother at the time, she would hide me on the ceiling from the rebels, because they were looking for young men to fight the war. Children are the easiest individuals to take advantage of.

So my mom would always hide me, up in the ceiling, just to make sure they don't find out that she has a male child. She eventually gave me to my grandmother to go live in a village in a different country, Guinea. So I lived in Guinea for about two years. It was a lot of struggle there we used so to eat in the same bowl. We all used to play together. It was more family, but it was a lot of struggle because at the time I didn't know who my father was.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

I didn't have my mother, I was just living with my grandmother and all my cousins and we were fighting to eat food. So it was it was one of those things that when I look back, at the position that I'm in right now, I am so humbled because especially I can resonate with what some of the individuals in, Ukraine, are going through because being a, refugee, is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

So once I left Guinea, I went to Ivory Coast, there was a civil war in the Ivory Coast and everyone that was not Liberian they were trying to kick them out the country. You needed this thing called les de Paseo, which is kind of like in America, a green card to stay in the country.  America had a resettlement program for, refugees, in Ivory Coast to bring them to the states so my family applied. Nine months later, we ended up coming to America as, refugees. Initially we were on, welfare, collecting checks, food stamps, and all that, but eventually my mother got off, welfare.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Training the mind to get off welfare

Myrna: That is such a beautiful story. I came from Guyana, we weren't that poor, but it's still a third world country. I had the opportunity to go to Canada. That's what's got me out of my poverty. And then I ended up coming to United States. I support a charity that's called food for the poor. And one of the things that they show are the kids in Africa eating from one bowl of rice. Oh my God, it breaks my heart. So you went through all that and then you ended up with a grand mal seizure? How did that happen?

Lusene: So after I came here, I moved around a little bit, and I moved to Philadelphia, I was living with my uncle in Philadelphia, where I graduated high school. I was working while in college, I was working a lot. I was, training the mind, by working hard and being determined to get off, welfare.  I was working  about 18 hours, I had school, I had ROTC, I was the Army Reserve. I was just doing too much.

I ended up having a seizure because I wasn't getting adequate amount of sleep. I wasn't eating a lot of nutrients. So my brain went into a shock and I ended up having a coma. I had a seizure initially, where I broke my left shoulder while I was sleeping, I then had a grand mal seizure, at the hospital. The seizure was so bad that I ended up in a coma for about six to eight hours.

Myrna: How old were you then?

Lusene: 24 years old.

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Book Being Black is Traumatic enough
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The Army trains you mentally and builds character

Myrna: Wow, so somebody told you about hard work, you came to America and you worked. It's one of the things that immigrants do. You know, we're not lazy. You're trying to make it in this world and overworked yourself. Alright, but again, all our experiences in life are guiding us through something and what that you said in your bio. What you realized after this happened to you is that tomorrow is not promised and you should chase your dreams. So why did you decide to go in the, army?

Lusene: One of the main reasons I decided to join the, military, was because I wanted to challenge myself as an individual. Prior to joining the, army, I realized that I wasn't challenging myself while I was living my life. And one of the things I realized that a lot of successful people have trials and tribulation, but they get through things that challenge them.

I joined the, army, because I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that I was not mentally where I needed to be. I wanted to develop my character to become better. So that's one of the main reasons why I joined the, army. I think the, army, has been a blessing to me because it has helped me to be very resilient in everything that I do.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Training the mind to become present

After I had the seizure, the doctors told me that I should give up on all my dreams because I was disabled and would stay on welfare since I would not be able to get a normal job. And that never resonated with me because I looked at myself in a mirror and, trained my mind, to become present. I said I did not come to this land of opportunity to be on, welfare.

So I challenged what the doctor told me. I started to, train the mind, with, meditation, until I was able to get off my seizure meditation.  I told the doctors  I did not want to stay on a seizure medication. I have a dream and I will return to the, army.

Another blessing was the fact that because I was in the, army, they paid for my medical bills which was over $350,000. I told my physical therapist, I can overcome this, I'm already, resilient. I've been through so much as a, refugee, so much, mental training, in the, army. I didn't come to America to collect a disability check.

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Training the mind to build character

Myrna: Your first goal was  that you recognized that you wanted to, train the mind, and you wanted to build your, character, and that's why you went into the, army. And I'm understanding why the doctor was thinking that you would always be on disability because normally the cause of a seizure is something mental. And maybe he diagnosed that you're always gonna have seizures.

Lusene: To, train the mind, to build, character, I asked myself:

  • How determined Are you?
  • How bad do you want to establish yourself?
  • How bad do you want to tell the world your story?
  • How bad do you want to write a book?
  • How bad do you want to set yourself up for success outside of the, army?

And that's where my, determination, came from because I kept on talking to myself.  I kept on repeating affirmations. I kept on turning down all the haters and naysayers that were saying I'm too young, I don't have any credibility. And one of the things I realized is how can you get, credibility, if you don't have a product? The best way to have, credibility, is what to get, credibility, so you have to start something.

Myrna: You were in the, army, and wanted to have a job outside the, military?

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Finding a product to build credibility

Lusene: Yes, I've always had multiple jobs even while I was in college. So I was never used to having one source of income, but it was a little difficult, with senior leaders constantly discouraging you and telling you that you cannot do this because you don't have the, credibility, because in the, army,  your rank is low.

Myrna: So what is it that you wanted to go after? Is that your credit consulting business?

Lusene: One of my ultimate dreams is to become the number one speaker on the planet, but the credit counselling business came very easy to me. I wanted to chase my dream of, entrepreneurship, and at the time, I didn't have a product.  So, I actually enrolled in Eric Thomas program, and one of the things he said was the best way to get credibility, was to write a book.

I started researching things that came very easy to me and, how to build credit, was very easy because I took my credit score from about 585 to 840 in 18 months. I realize this was an amazing accomplishment, and I said to myself, I have a skill that can teach other people. I started teaching people, how to build credit, for free and when I had 20 clients, I started charging and then eventually I went ahead and got certified. Check out my credit counselling course @

Myrna: Okay that's awesome, I love that determination.

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How the army trains the mind

You book is about, training your mind, to achieve your calling. How did the, army, train your mind?

Lusene: So this is how the, army, train the mind. When you first get into the, army, you go through this thing called reception and immediately they tell you drop your bags, and you have sergeants yelling at you telling you what to do trying to break you. They tell you this is what you're gonna do, they strip out all the civilian out of you. They now tell you, you are no longer a civilian. You are in the,  US army, you're a, soldier.

Now you're going to be told what to do. Once you have acknowledged that, some people don't, some people do. But once you have acknowledged that now they tell you to call your parents let them know you're safe. You're now in basic training. They're now telling you when to wake up, when to go to bed, when to have personal hygiene and all those things.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV – Training Your Mind 

Why the army trains the mind

The reason why the, army, train the mind, is to condition you as a, soldier.  You're going to be told to execute missions from higher officers, so they start, training the mind, on accepting orders in basic training. The first thing that the, military teaches you, is you have an assigned weapon. When you have an assigned weapon, what that does is that teaches you how to take care of something that you're going to use to eventually kill someone.

So you're going to learn everything about that weapon, because at the end of the day, if you're deployed and your weapon jams, you have to know how to fix the malfunction. That could save your life.

After you learn how to take care of your weapon, you start training your legs. The, army, trains your mental toughness because they want you to be, resilient. They want you to be mentally fit, so when you're tired, you stay sharp. You're going through this training in the span of eight to nine weeks, where you're waking up at four in the morning, you're sleep deprived, and you haven't seen your family, you don't talk to your family, and you're constantly being challenged.

That is how the, army, train the mind. You're constantly waking up at 4 am in the morning, you're constantly going to bed exactly at 9 pm, you have to make up your bed. You have to make sure your bed is detailed. You have to make sure your laundry is done. You have to make sure your lockers are clean. Don't say these are small things. They're, train the mind, to be a, US soldier.

You can take those lessons and you can apply them in your personal life or whatever it is that you want to do in your career.

Myrna: I absolutely love it. I read a few books on the Navy Seals training, but they, train the mind, of every, soldier.

The Power of Determination: Training the mind to live your calling

Tell us about your book  why you wrote it and what you want the readers to walk away with.

Lusene: The book: The Power of Determination: Training the mind to live your calling  tells the story of what I went through as a, refugee, being abused by an uncle who was mentally and physically abusive, joining the, army, having a seizure while in the, army, and still ended up enrolling myself in a speaker program. I talk about my credit program and , how to build credit, and give steps to help you, repair your credit.

The power of Determination train the mind
The power of Determination: Train the mind to live your calling

The reason why you should get the book, it's a highlight my story of all the things that I went through, all the trials and tribulation, just to stay on course and stay, determined. I think one of the most important things in life is for you to literally, train the mind, to find your, calling. I wanted to, train the mind, to live my, calling, because I believe that every single one of us have a, purpose. We all have a, calling. And my, calling, is to inspire millions of people around the world by speaking. Check out Lusene on his website https://lusenedonzo.com/ and follow him on instagram @lusene2motivate

Additional Resources

Mindfulness: Training Your Mind to Be Present

How to Regain Wholeness with Radionics

Don Paris, PH.D takes us through the history of, Radionics, and how the science of, Radionics, allows us to get information from subtle dimensional realities.

Bio

• Don Paris, Ph.D. is a published author, speaker, video producer, and musician. His book, Regaining Wholeness Through the Subtle Dimensions has been published internationally in German, Spanish, Japanese, Portuguese, and English. He is known as the guru of the SE-5, the world’s most respected subtle energy instrument.

He is well loved for his style of bringing challenging concepts into an easy to understand language and has been a popular speaker at the Global Sciences Congress, Congress of Spiritual Scientists and the United States Psychotronics Association.

He has created the most detailed explanation of the, principles of Radionics, and the most advanced training courses in the entire field. He began exploring the, subtle dimensions, in the early seventies, and has now trained people in over 30 countries around the world in the workings of, Radionics, and the, subtle dimensional realities.

Don was awarded an honorary doctorate degree in Human Sciences from the International University of Vitalogical Sciences in Stockholm Sweden in 2000 for his work with the, SE-5, and, subtle energies.

He and his wife, Ilona Selke, who work as a team, have contributed to radio and TV shows, and have been quoted in numerous publications around the world. They teach seminars in Quantum Psychology in the US, Europe and Asia.

When not traveling to teach, they divide their time between their homes in the Pacific Northwest and Bali.

In his work he had dedicated himself to bridging the barrier of the physical boundaries to the, subtle dimensional realities.

The History of, Radionics,

Radionics, started almost a little over a hundred years ago. Believe it or not this is when electronics were just kind of getting off the ground. Radionics, got the name from the word radio because that was the technology that was around at the time it was discovered.
Dr. Albert Abrams in the early 1900s and during that time period he was a medical doctor he was a medical genius doctor. He got his medical degree at age 16 and he too was young to practice, so he went to Europe and Germany and got another medical degree and then came back and started practicing medicine but this guy was an absolute genius and during that time period how they would diagnose a person.

One of the diagnostic techniques before we had all this fancy stuff was they would do a percussion technique on the abdomen. They would tap on the abdomen to see if there were any sore spots so it was kind of simple and you know kind of like they do with the doctors do it now.

One day he noticed that this patient came in and he tapped on his stomach for a minute it had this big hollow sound and it was like well that's kind of weird. He'd never heard that sound before and so he went home and he thought about this is strange sound. So he had this guy come back in. The hollow sound was gone and he's really puzzled about this.

He decided to put him back exactly in the same place in the same direction and the hollow sound appeared again and this totally blew his mind. So he got to thinking in his genius mind what earth energies was responsible. After much research, he was able to detect various types of disease by the sound tapping made on the abdomen.

Today if I put a resistance box in between the two people maybe I could filter out one disease versus another. We now have, radionics, which is computerized and a quantum leap from there but those very beginnings. I don't remember how long 20 30 years he developed these processes, he taught doctors all over the world and about this time is when Rockefeller started investing into pharmaceuticals and they formed the American Medical Association which was basically from my perspective to help the Rockefellers get rid of both electro medicine and homeopathy that was their goal.

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Additional Resources:
http://www.se-5.com/book2.htm
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https://www.amazon.com/Regaining-Wholeness-Through-Subtle-Dimensions-ebook/dp/B00E81764K
https://myhelps.us/how-to-find-your-soulmate/
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4 Techniques to Outsmart Your Brain

Welcome to the Mindset Transformation radio show and Podcast. Today Dr. Marcia Reynolds is going to teach us “4 Techniques to, Outsmart your Brain” Relax, Detach, gain clarity and ask yourself, How do I want to feel?

But First in keeping with that theme I want to share with you one of the classic stories of how our Brain can Outsmart us.

Acres of Diamonds

There once lived not far from the River Indus an ancient Persian by the name of Al Hafed. Al Hafed owned a very large farm with orchards, grain fields and gardens. He was a contented and wealthy man—contented because he was wealthy, and wealthy because he was contented. One day there visited this old farmer one of those ancient Buddhist priests, and he sat down by Al Hafed's fire and told that old farmer how this world of ours was made.

He said that this world was once a mere bank of fog and the Almighty thrust his finger into the bank of fog and then began slowly to move his finger around and gradually to increase the speed of his finger until at last he whirled that bank of fog into a solid ball of fire, and it went rolling through the universe, burning its way through other cosmic banks of fog, until it condensed the moisture without, and fell in floods of rain upon the heated surface and cooled the outward crust.

Then the internal flames burst through the cooling crust and threw up the mountains and made the hills and the valleys of this wonderful world of ours. If this internal melted mass burst out and cooled very quickly it became granite; that which cooled less quickly became silver; and less quickly, gold; and after gold, diamonds were made. Said the old priest, “A, diamond, is a congealed drop of sunlight.”

Finding your diamonds in your back yard

This is a scientific truth also. You all know that a diamond is pure carbon, actually deposited sunlight. The old priest told Al Hafed that if he had a handful of diamonds he could purchase a whole country, and with a mine of diamonds he could place his children upon thrones through the influence of their great wealth.

Al Hafed heard all about, diamonds, and how much they were worth, and went to his bed that night a poor man—not that he had lost anything, but poor because he was discontented and discontented because he thought he was poor. He said: “I want a mine of, diamonds!” So he lay awake all night, and early in the morning sought out the priest.

Reminds me of the story I tell my children about the dog and his shadow. If you are not familiar, a dog is walking over a bridge and sees another dog with a bone. He decides he wants that bone as well and jumps in and loses the bone he has in his mouth because what he saw was not another dog but his own shadow. It is a story of discontent and greed!

Getting back to our story. Al Hafed woke the priest out of his dreams and said to him, “Will you tell me where I can find, diamonds?” The priest said, “Diamonds? What do you want with diamonds?” “I want to be immensely rich,” said Al Hafed, “but I don't know where to go.” “Well,” said the priest, “if you will find a river that runs over white sand between high mountains, in those sands you will always see, diamonds.”

“Do you really believe that there is such a river asked al Hafed?” The priest replied “Plenty of them, plenty of them; all you have to do is just go and find them, then you have them.” Al Hafed said, “I will go.” So he sold his farm, collected his money at interest, left his family in charge of a neighbor, and away he went in search of diamonds.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Searching for what you already have

He began at the Mountains of the Moon. Afterwards he went around into Palestine, then wandered on into Europe, and at last, when his money was all spent, and he was in rags, wretchedness and poverty, he stood on the shore of that bay in Barcelona, Spain, when a tidal wave came rolling in through the Pillars of Hercules and the poor, afflicted, suffering man could not resist the awful temptation to cast himself into that incoming tide, and he sank beneath its foaming crest, never to rise in this life again.

Now, Al Hafed's successor one day led his camel out into the garden to drink, and as that camel put its nose down into the clear water of the garden brook Al Hafed's successor noticed a curious flash of light from the sands of the shallow stream, and reaching in he pulled out a black stone having an eye of light that reflected all the colors of the rainbow, and he took that curious pebble into the house and left it on the mantel, then went on his way and forgot all about it.

A few days after that, this same old priest who told Al Hafed how diamonds were made, came in to visit his successor, when he saw that flash of light from the mantel. He rushed up and said, “Here is a, diamond,—here is a diamond! Has Al Hafed returned?” “No, no; Al Hafed has not returned and that is not a diamond; that is nothing but a stone; we found it right out here in our garden.” “But I know a, diamond, when I see it,” the priest said; “this is a diamond!”

Then together they rushed to the garden and stirred up the white sands with their fingers and found others more beautiful, more valuable, diamonds, than the first, and thus were discovered the diamond mines of Golconda, the most magnificent diamond mines in all the history of mankind, exceeding the Kimberley in its value. The great Kohinoor diamond in England's crown jewels and the largest crown diamond on earth in Russia's crown jewels came from that mine.

The moral to the story is had Al Hafed remained at home and dug in his own cellar or in his own garden he would have had, acres of diamonds. 

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We are are all diamonds

We are all, Acres of Diamonds,  Each and every one of us is unique with acres of talent and gifts. If we dig we will find them. Don’t be like Al Hafed and go looking for riches elsewhere. You are all, diamonds, in the rough.

Now let me tell you a little more of our guest today.

Dr. Marcia Reynolds is fascinated by the, brain, especially how to, outsmart your brain, what sparks feelings of connection, commitment, and possibility. She is able to draw on her research to help leaders have more meaningful conversations that inspire change. She has delivered workshops in 35 countries and has presented at the Harvard Kennedy School, Cornell University, and the Edwards School of Management in Canada.

Marcia is a true pioneer in the coaching profession. She was the 5th global president of the International Coach Federation and is the training director for the Healthcare Coaching Institute at Virginia Tech. She also teaches for coaching schools in Russia and China.

Interviews and excerpts from her books, Outsmart Your Brain, Wander Woman, and her latest, The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs have appeared in many places including Fast Company, CNN.com, Psychology Today, and The Wall Street Journal and she has appeared on ABC World News.

Marcia’s doctoral degree is in organizational psychology with an emphasis on the needs of strong, smart women in today’s corporations. She also holds two master’s degrees in education and communications.

Show Notes:

• What do mean by, Outsmart your brain.
The primary purpose of the, brain, is to protect you and to keep you safe.
Anytime you say something to someone that is critical they get defensive and they get defensive without thought.  To, outsmart your brain, is really about making good choices. Stopping and asking what is my, brain, perceiving here and what is really true. You have to know how to stop, breathe and make good choices.
You have to shift your emotions. Take 10 sec to remember to care, take 10 sec to realize that this person is not trying to hurt me.
You have to change your emotion to change your thought to, outsmart your brain.

Here are the 4 Techniques to change your emotions and outsmart your brain. 

1. Relax your body, release the tension. Take a breath let it out
2. Clear your mind. Quickly drop your mind to the center of your body
3. Center your mind on your Chi or 2nd Chakra
4. Choose how you want to feel.
• What prompts your brain to do things that sabotage your best intentions
The brain perceives a threat to something so it protects you.
If you are afraid it sees danger and sabotages your efforts.

Is there something we can do to stop reacting?
You have to understand your emotions triggers.
They are there to protect you.
Like respect in the workplace.
The, brain, reacts because it may think that someone is trying to take control over you

How can we use our heart and brain to control our emotions?

Quiet your mind and ask your mind or gut. What should I do?
Take a breath and go into your heart and then you usually say something better
When your heart and your gut is open then you have access to all three of your brains
Your brain, your heart and your gut.

Are the brains of men and women wired differently?
We are born with the same wiring but whatever is rewarded as we aged that is what we become. Women were more head and gut based and men were more head based but that is changing.
Men are becoming more heart based because they are being raised by women.

www.Outsmartyourbain.com

Go to discomfort zone resources for outsmarting your brain.
Contact Dr Marcia at [email protected]

web: http://www.myrnayounghelps.com
Author: “Out of the Snares”
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013C71KHE
MyHelps Youtube channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8p2lfxF2GhOihRv8N3EZeA

Who is the Team Player on Your Team? The 20/70/10 Rule

Let's bring this, team player, scenario to your, sales team. How are you letting the stars on your, sales team, know that you value their contributions? Do you reward them with praise publicly and personally? Do their bonuses reflect their value?

Who is your favorite team player?

Who is your favorite, team player? Is it LeBron James in basketball? Peyton Manning in Football, or Derek Jeter in baseball? Regardless of which star you pick, management knows that this, team player, is the “duck who lays the golden eggs” and they treat him with respect and shower him with dollars.

On the same team, suiting up in the same uniform, playing the same number of games, going to the same amount of meetings and practice workouts; you can have the star making 10 million per year and his team member making the minimum $300,000 per year. What exactly is the message management is trying to convey with this disparity in salary? The message is “you are the best, you are, the most valuable, team player, on this team.

We need you to  win. We value you and your skills, we don't want another team to be able to steal you away by offering you more money.” The other members of the team don't grumble at the water cooler about the unfairness of pay. Instead they are happy to play in the presence of greatness and they are hoping that some of his skills will rub off on them.

Sales team player

Let's bring this, team player, scenario to your, sales team. How are you letting the stars on your, sales team, know that you value their contributions? Do you reward them with praise publicly and personally? Do their bonuses reflect their value? I have been on, sales teams,  where the top sales representative overachieves by 150% to revenue goal and the Sales Manager offers no public or personal congratulations. No fanfare! On top of that accounting tries to not pay by recalculating and cutting the amounts of bonuses.

The, 20/70/10 rule, of differentiation states that 20% of your team are your star players and should be showered with incentives to continue to perform at this high level. The next 70 percent are average or mediocre team members and management should offer them coaching to improve their confidence and skills sets.

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Take the case study of Rolando McClain. He was the #1 draft pick for the Oakland Raiders in 2010. That means that he was one of the best coming out of college; but once in the NFL, he didn't live up to his potential and he was released first by Oakland Raiders. He was then picked up by the Baltimore Ravens and later released as well.

Then when the Cowboys were looking for a linebacker, McClain came under their radar and they decided to check him out. They called his old college coach Nick Sabin and asked him what made McClain good in college. With this information the Cowboys received from Coach Sabin, they called McClain in for a tryout and made him an offer. The story goes that the exchange with the Ravens cost the Cowboys a bag of donuts! Jason Garrett the head coach of the Cowboys and his coaching staff worked with McClain, improved his confidence, and moved him from the bottom 10%, to the top 20%. McClain now starts every game and he and the Cowboys had an awesome year.

We could this sports analogy to show that the job of a Sales Manager is to move his mediocre, team player,  up through the ranks with effective coaching. Sometimes an outside coach works best, because the employee can be honest. Beating them over the head with the numbers on the report is not the way to do it.

Who Is a Team Player?

A, team player, is a person who plays or works well as a member of a team or group. Teams in organizations need strong team players to perform well and reach their goals.

Team Players,  motivates unity in the workplace

A teamwork environment promotes an atmosphere that fosters friendship and loyalty. These close-knit relationships motivate employees in parallel and align them to work harder, cooperate and be supportive of one another.

Individuals possess diverse talents, weaknesses, communication skills, strengths, and habits. Therefore, when a teamwork environment is not encouraged this can pose many challenges towards achieving the overall goals and objectives. This creates an environment where employees become focused on promoting their own achievements and competing against their fellow colleagues. This is not a, team player. Ultimately, this can lead to an unhealthy and inefficient working environment.

When teamwork is working, the whole team would be motivated and working toward the same goal in harmony.

Teamwork and Team Players offer differing perspectives and feedback

Good teamwork structures provide your organization with a diversity of thought, creativity, perspectives, opportunities, and problem-solving approaches. A proper team environment allows individuals to brainstorm collectively, which in turn increases their success to problem solve and arrive at solutions more efficiently and effectively.

Effective, sales teams also allow the initiative to innovate, in turn creating a competitive edge to accomplish goals and objectives. Sharing differing opinions and experiences strengthens accountability and can help make effective decisions faster, than when done alone.

Team effort increases output by having quick feedback and multiple sets of skills come into play to support your work. You can do the stages of designing, planning, and implementation much more efficiently when a team is functioning well.

Please call me for a free consultation if you are interested in improving the players on your team.

The last number is the bottom 10%. These team members should be moved out to other roles. If on a sales team and selling is not their forte, they could be moved to a supporting role, for example.

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/how-to-run-your-sales-meetings-like-a-quaterback/

 

How To Turn Your Pain Into Power

Abigail Damoah was wrongly convicted and sent to prison for 12 years. During this dark time in her life, she used inspiration for the bible story of David to find her, life purpose, of helping the women in, prison. She turned her, pain into power, and achieved tremendous personal growth by not seeing herself as a, victim.

Download podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9986464-how-to-turn-your-pain-into-power.mp3?download=true

Bio

After serving five years in a Florida state prison for a crime that she didn’t commit, and then two years later being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and undergoing major surgery to remove most of her colon, Abigail learnt one very important life lesson; you will find treasure in the darkest places if you simply change your perspective by turning her, pain into power.

During her, incarceration, Abigail became a Christian and learnt that life isn’t just about her. She was surrounded by women who had endured the most horrific traumatic childhoods and were now being victimized by the very system that was supposed to help them. She found the strength to end her pity party, opening her eyes to the immense suffering of others.

She began to use her gifts to make an impact on the lives of the women she was housed with. It was during the worst season of her life that she experienced true peace, contentment, and fulfilment because she found her life’s purpose, and learned how to turn her, pain into power.  Abigail is the author of ” She is Risen from Destitute to Destiny”

book: She is Risen Turning Pain into Power
book: She is Risen Turning Pain into Power

Using Adversity to turn pain into power

Myrna: All right, so here we have a whole bunch of, adversity. Being sentenced to 12 years in, prison, even if it's for a crime you do commit, it is very traumatic. It is worst when it is a crime that you didn't commit.

Can you share your story, why you were sentenced to 12 years in, prison? I know you said you only served five of those 12 years.  Tell us how you survived that and turned that, pain into power?

Abigail: Okay, so I had my dream to live in America.  I'm from the United Kingdom and after I finished my undergraduate degree. I relocated to Atlanta, Georgia to study and pursue an MBA. I got an internship in Florida. I flew down to Florida and I met a man.  One night he called wanting to go out to a nightclub, and I agreed. He came and picked me up and we made our way to the nightclub and ended up having a car accident where he was killed, and I was seriously injured.

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My injuries were so extensive that I spent over six weeks in the hospital. My parents at the time decided the best course of action was to take me back to the UK, because there's no way I was going to be able to look after myself in the USA.  I recuperated and got back on my feet. And then in 2011, the state of Florida issued an extradition warrant for my arrest. I was charged with vehicular homicide. The legal definition for that is reckless driving.

So, I was accused of driving in such a dangerous manner that caused death or great bodily harm to another. While I was waiting for the extradition, I began to study the laws surrounding my case and discovered that I should never have been charged with a crime in the first place. The state of Florida had sent over the deposition, the discovery and detail they had a very detailed chronology, of exactly what happened. And one of the things that should have exonerated me from the beginning, was the fact that the road was under reconstruction at the time, so they had taken down all the speed signs.

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Extradition to the USA

There were no warning signs that the road was about to change and if you're not familiar with that road, you would not know that you need to slow down. So, when an accident happened, all of a sudden, a curve came up and I hit the curb and the car ended up flipping over and going into a tree. So, based on that alone, I should never have been charged with a crime. But if you know anything about the laws in the United States, you know, sometimes it can be a bit one sided.

I was extradited to America to stand trial. I had a judge who had no legal integrity, because of the way my case had been portrayed in the media. She was determined to make an example out of me. I was found guilty sentenced to 12 years Florida State Prison. After serving 5 years, the case was dismissed.

Myrna: Wow. So sorry to hear what you have been through. I'm assuming you were driving.

Abigail:  Yes, I was driving, it wasn't my car.

Myrna: Yeah, that's what I thought because he came to pick you up.

Abigail: The reason I was driving was because he got so drunk, that he was unable to continue the journey.  I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

The Pain of prison

Myrna: So sorry for your pain. But the fact that the case was dismissed, I'm assuming that you've cleared your name.

Abigail: Yes, yes. My name is completely cleared. The sentence was vacated, and I was released from, prison.

Myrna: Did you get any money for it?

Abigail: No, absolutely nothing. The state of Florida had laws to protect themselves against wrongful convictions. So, I was knocked out of financial assistance there. But, it was a driving force behind what I do now because I had to start my life from scratch.  I had to use the gifts that I had been given to build a life for myself, and turn my, pain into power.  I didn't have anything. I came back to nothing, but God worked it out for my good.

Going through the tunnel of adversity

Myrna: Well, they say that a lot of times, we must go through the tunnel, we must be beaten down all the way to the bottom, before we find our, purpose.  We all go screaming into it because we really don't want to go through pain, we don’t want to hit rock bottom. I'm in this space where I interview a lot of people and I remember talking to this woman.  Her husband died and she started her coaching practice helping other women handle, grief. She turned her, pain into power, but we all prefer not to go through the pain even if it is the fire starter to our, life purpose.

So how did you manage after also being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and having most of your colon removed?

Abigail: I wasn't raised in a Christian household, but I had a lot of Christian friends. If there's one thing that I learned from them, even while I wasn't a believer, was that they had this ability to see past their circumstances. So, before I even arrived in America, they were already speaking life into my situation. They were already telling me that this was going to work out for my good, something good is gonna come out of this.

And it wasn't until, I became a Christian and I began to read the Bible and I began to apply those principles, that I was strengthened in that area. God gave me a perspective that enabled me to see things through his eyes, he gave me the ability to step outside of myself. I was surrounded by people who are who were suffering, who have been through women the worst heinous things.  My whole perception changed.

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Helping people in prison turn their pain into power

Not only are people dying from much worse situations than I had, but I had to reframe my situation to say, okay, I'm in, prison, now, what can I do while I'm here to make an impact on the lives of the women that I am housed with? How do I turn my, pain into power?

I had a writing gift and there are women that couldn't read or write. I remember the very first time I tapped into that.  There was a woman that I was, bunking in, prison, she had a terrible situation, her children have been taken into DCF custody because of her arrest.

So, I wrote a letter for her. explaining the situation to DCF, speaking in legal terminology. She wanted her children to be put into the custody of her sister while she was in, prison, and lo and behold, that's exactly what happened. Two weeks later, she came to me, I mean, she was in floods of tears. She was so grateful that I took the time to do this for her, and it was at that moment that I realized that what my, purpose, is connected to my gift of writing. Writing was how I was going to turn my, pain into power.

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Figuring out my life purpose

I also realized that my, purpose, had nothing to do with me, it was to enrich the lives of the people that I am surrounded by. So, from that moment, my prayers changed from Lord get me out of here, I can't take this anymore to Lord who are the people in, prison, that you want me to impact?  That started a tsunami of work. My inmates just started coming to get the help they needed.  I started helping them write letters, probation letters, letters to their family, etc. It was one of the most, fulfilling aspects of my time in, prison.

Myrna: Now, how did you take own ownership of your situation? What was your internal dialogue?

Abigail: I dropped the, victim mentality. You know, it's so easy when you're going through a situation whatever it is, it's so easy to point the finger and say is your fault that I'm here, but when you play the, victim, you are not helping anybody. You're not helping yourself and you're not helping anyone else. When I was in the, victim, state I felt so sorry for myself. You know, such an injustice had taken place.

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Victims have no power

I was depressed, I was in a place of desolation, I couldn't sleep at night, I had no peace. But the moment I relinquished that, victim mentality, I came to the revelation that it wasn't the state of Florida that put me in, prison, to punish me. I was placed there strategically to be empowered, and then to empower. I was placed there to turn my, pain into power.

So once my, mindset, changed, I was able to say I am going to use this situation to become the best person that I be and to help as many people as I can while I'm in here. That is exactly how I took ownership of my situation. I took the power out the hands in the state of Florida, and turned, my pain into power, because, victims, have no power.

Myrna: This is so true. Victims have no power. In my book, Out of the Snares, A story of Hope and Encouragement, I have a full chapter on, victims.  My story was that I was abused as a child, but I never became a, victim. In fact, what I suggest we become a, player. You know, when you are playing a game of blackjack and the cards that you're dealt with are bad cards?  People use those same bad cards to win, in the same way when you become a, player instead of becoming a, victim, you play with the cards you are dealt.  And that's exactly what you did, you became a, player in the game, you decided that these are the cards that I've been handed, and I am going to make the best of the situation. I am going to turn this, pain into power.

How to become a player and turn pain into power

Myrna: You could have played the “what if game”. What if I didn't go out? What if I didn't agree to drive?  But instead you said it happened. There's no way you can go backwards, all you can do is make the best of the situation that you have right now and use it to help people and learn from it and turn your, pain into power.

What is the lesson that that that you took out of that? Were you able to equate it to a, Bible story? I want to talk about Joseph who was thrown in, prison, and it was strategic to God’s plan for him.  And I am also thinking of a Job which is the chapter reading now in the Bible and all the bad things that happened to him.

Job declared God does only do good things for you. God does good things, and he does bad things.

Abigail: Joseph was one of my favorite stories in the Bible. And it wasn't until I got to that Genesis chapter 37, where Joseph was put in, prison, that I found strength in my situation. Prison, shaped Joseph into the man that God needed him to be. I knew that my time in, prison, was in God's hands, just based on that story alone. I learned a lot from Joseph and his, mindset, during that time. He refused to be a, victim, he used his time to assist other people. He was looking for others to help while he was, incarcerated, and it opened the door to his freedom.

Myrna: Yes, exactly helping people got him introduced to the king.

Transform your mind PTWWN TV
PTWWN TV – How to Trun Your pain into power 

Using dreams and visions for your purpose

Abigail: That was a very powerful story for me, and I used that, bible story, to empower myself.  So my God has given me dreams and visions, and I knew that, okay, I'm not living the dream and the vision now, but it is this situation here that is going to lead me to the destiny that God has for me and I had to remind myself of that daily.

Myrna: That's amazing, I am loving our conversation.  One of my personal mantras is that just like an airplane needs resistance to take off the ground, we need resistance to move up our next level. And whenever I have resistance in my life, when I was working full time when I received resistance eg. one door closed or something, I always knew that resistance was supposed to push me forward and up. The door closing from being fired got me into, Life coaching, helping women to, transform their mind.

A lot of women, especially minority women live in the, wilderness, and in order for them to get out of the, wilderness, they have to change their, mindset.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

She is Risen from Destitute to Destiny

Tell us about your book, your book is called “She Is Risen from Destitute To Destiny.” Why did you write it? And what do you want people to walk away with?

Abigail: I wrote the book because I knew that I had a story to tell number one, and it wasn't a story of the tragedies, but stories of, empowerment. The book a memoir, going back to my childhood, I packed a lot of things and I think that's very important that you need to go back to, to know why things are the way they were. So, I went through that process in the book, I had a very turbulent teenage years, connected to childhood. But despite those challenges, I still managed to make something all my life, and it didn't come easily, or immediately at all.

It was a very, very difficult situation and a very, very difficult process. And I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but what I do know is that you can, turn your pain into power, if you change your perspective on a situation.  I could have not written this book. I could have so easily come out of, prison, and just felt sorry for myself, and accept government assistance and nobody would have blamed me

Teaching others how to overcome adversity

So, I had to look at the situation and ask myself what have I learned from this? And not only what have I learnt from it, but now what can I do about it? I decided I can teach other people about how to overcome, adversity.  One of the things that helped me while I was, incarcerated, were the different, prison ministries. People would share these terrible stories, but they got through it, and that’s something that inspired me.

Myrna: Well, that's the reason I asked you if you're going into the, prison, and doing, prison ministry, because I know your story is powerful. Now you are on the radio, podcast and PTWWN TV, sharing your story, not only the people that are in, prison, is going to hear this, but people all over the world. Your story doesn’t just speak to someone in, prison, but speaks to any women in the, wilderness, the, wilderness, can be any dry place.

Additional Resources

Does Serving a Prison Sentence Affect Change?

 

 

How To Ditch the Good Girl Label

The, good girl, label is not about being morally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is that at the end of the day, it doesn't work. It doesn't work for anyone.  This isn't an anti-morality conversation; it's correcting our idea of what’s good and what’s right.

Download and listen to the full interview 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9553251-how-to-escape-the-good-girl-label.mp3?download=true

Sitting in the guest chair today on the Transform Your Mind Podcast, is Kasia Urbaniak. Kasia is the author ofUnbound: A woman's Guide to Power”. Today, we are going to be talking about “How to ditch the, good girl label”.

Bio

Since founding The Academy in 2013, Kasia has taught over 4000 women to radically increase their power, agency and influence. Using practical tools, Academy graduates transform their lives by breaking the yoke of ‘Good Girl’ conditioning. They step boldly into leadership roles within their relationships, families, workplaces, and wider communities.

They become adept in the art of verbal self-defense against bulldozing, bullying, and gaslighting. They make bold, life-changing asks of the people around them in a way that feels good to the person being asked. They can hear “no” without getting flustered or giving up, and use resistance as a way to build intimacy and partnership.

Introduction

Myrna: Kasia, let's start off by asking you what was your journey into founding the Academy, teaching women the foundations of power and influence? I read part of your bio that you were once a, dominatrix, I would love to hear about that.

Kasia: I found myself with an unusual set of training I explored various spiritual traditions and wanted to transcend this world. The one that spoke to me because it seemed the most practical and magical was, Taoism.

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I was a Dominatrix while pursuing monastic education

Now, while I was pursuing my training and pursuing monastic education, the ironic part was there was no way for me as a girl growing up in New York City to be able to afford such things without getting a job that would pay me a lot of money in short bursts. So, I was working as a professional, dominatrix, in dungeons in New York City and then flying off to meet with teachers to convince them to teach me all the way up to mountain tops in China.

This lasted for the greater part of a decade. This straddling, absolutely insane split personality education, where I felt guilty about one when I was doing the other.  What started happening was these extremes ended up merging when I started diagnosing people's bodies as a, Taoist, trainee.  I started going into deeper states of meditation and noticed that my training as a, dominatrix, allows me to notice the power dynamics , I started seeing similarities in my work as a, dominatrix.

I was paying attention to human beings and started to understand power dynamics the way you study martial arts.  I began to teach this power to women,   I do not teach as a, dominatrix, and I do not teach as a nun.

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Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

After this wildlife of extremes, of desiring absolute purity and devotion while going into these wildly psychologically strange, weird and interesting places with other humans, I started noticing that I was changing. I saw all my friends around me and all the people in my life (the women especially), living in a world of assumptions and superstitions.

Women are communicating with their bodies all the time

I started noticing that women didn't realize that they are physically broadcasting and communicating all the time. That their power magnetic. You could say more submissive, but it's not submissive at all

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The, good girl, label is not about being morally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is that at the end of the day, it doesn't work. It doesn't work for anyone.  This isn't an anti-morality conversation; it's correcting our idea of what’s good and what’s right.

Myrna: You had a lot of nuggets and you're very right. When your publicist approached me and she started off with the, dominatrix, thing, I pushed back right away until I read the full bio.  I understood what you were trying to say. You're giving women the power of choice.  Women can still be submissive and powerful, right?

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Are you a People-Pleaser or a good girl

Also, I know that being a people-pleaser and being a, good girl, doesn't get you anywhere, people walk all over you. We've got a saying in my country  if you lay down like a doormat, people are going to walk all over you”. So, I understand you help women break the yolk of the, good girl, conditioning. So, tell us why specifically the label of a, bad girl, is beneficial because I’m interested in hearing your spin.

Kasia:  Good girl, conditioning has a very long history and it comes from the agreement that we make not as spiritual and personal agreement, but an economic agreement of marriage. We have a deal and there's nothing wrong with even holding that deal today, but the deal is “I will let you lead, but you provide for meSo, up until very recently, a woman who had ambition, opinion, a vision and desires couldn't express it as an individual. The best she could do and the best way she could fulfill her ambitions was to marry. The behaviors around the, good girl, are the behaviors we're calling, good girl, conditioning.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

What is good girl conditioning

Such behaviors are basically the behaviors of how to be marriageable, how to attract and keep a good man, how to qualify to marry the most economically promising man – given that you can't have a job, you can't get educated, you can't read, and you're not allowed to leave the house (in some countries).

So, women learn I don’t want to be a burden.

  • How to be resourceful because if you're the economic provider, then I have to be able to make big things out of little things (be resourceful),
  • Be moderate in temperament,
  • Not be too attractive so as to not get competition, but not to be noticeably unattractive, not to stand out in this way or that way,
  • Women are not to have too much sexual desire, in fact not to have too much desire at all.

Actually, it's not just being accommodating, harmonious and warm, but also not having a voice essentially, they're from women who are like I‘m not a, good girl, I don't need anyone,  I‘m fine.

The modern day, people-pleaser, is an outgrowth of the, good girl. Why we call her an outgrowth like a sister of the, good girl, but she's still the same woman because even though she believes that she can have her desires, she has to go for what she wants by herself. She never asks anybody for help, she never burdens anybody, she does it all. She is the feminine and the masculine. She is the alpha female

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Most of the women who come to my school are like this because, they're very successful. They have families, they have careers and they have everything they want and they are exhausted and are furious; they have to do it all.

Myrna: it's like the superwoman syndrome.

Good Girls learn to say No

Kasia: The problem is that men hold all the cards. Women don't have the same experience as men because, men don't do it all the same way.  When they are in positions of leadership or have a career, they have support that the women in their same place do not have.

The issue with, good girl, conditioning is you can say “I‘m an, independent woman, I push back and I stand up for myself.  I have learnt how to say No. You can identify with someone who doesn't have, good girl conditioning, but the truth is the conditioning comes out so quickly that we barely catch it.  

We're programmed and it's in our subconscious and that is why I founded the Academy with my partner Reuben.  

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Bad girls learn to ask for what they want

Myrna: Why do you say specifically that the, bad girl, label  is good? How do you transform them from being a, good girl, to a, bad girl? What does, bad girl, really mean?

Kasia: Okay. We got three things, bad girl, is the first. The first of the three and the other two are really important elements of the, bad girl. So, the first is a really simple exercise and I want to set up the context of this exercise. Bad girls learn to ask for what they want. 

I have the women that I work with this exercise which ends up being more difficult than it sounds. The intention is to write  all the things you feel make you a, bad girl,  onto paper.  What we want to do is start opening Pandora’s Box in the safest way possible.

We start with a sentence completion, its part of a sentence you fill in the blank and you repeat it, You write “if I were a, bad girl. I would do ,,,,,,,,,,,”

We use, bad girl, specifically because it brings you back to that younger age where you start learning what you're supposed to like,  not like,  what you're supposed to think etc. 

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I'm going through the very processes around dating that I'm talking about on my show. I'm not out of touch or unfamiliar with the challenges of dating in modern times. I GET how hard it is to effectively date (especially as a woman who has her own stuff) and is not the negative stereotype that's off portrayed in media about women in my age bracket.

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Clear out the bad girl closet

The purpose of writing all these terrible things is that, the things we didn't even know we put in the, bad girl, closet start coming out. When I explain part two and three, it's going to become even more apparent how this works so you start opening the, bad girl, closet.

Myrna: I‘m sure a lot of it is around sex and what, bad girls, do and what, good girls, do not do.

Kasia: Some have ideas and desires of sexual liberation and some have ideas of standing up for themselves.  Some feel that anger is bad, that, good girls, do not get angry.  Good girls,  is part of the submissive conditioning or why, good girls, don’t get angry.

The, good girl conditioning, doesn’t even let you become aware that your man is disrespecting you when he calls you names. Maybe he just treats you like a maid and then one day you wake up and start thinking; this is disrespect.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
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 What is bulldozing in a relationship?

When you tell The Bulldozer, explicitly or implicitly, to back off, they come on even stronger. When you tell The Bulldozer your needs, they will do exactly the opposite. That's why they're called The Bulldozer. Because they trample all over your boundaries.

How good girls get respect

Kasia: If you want respect, you never ever say I want you to respect me! That's communicating there's something wrong with you

The moment you are voicing a complaint, you are creating an atmosphere of defense. We don't want to be in defense mode, we obviously want to be in offense, mode. 

Myrna: So, how does someone do it, how do we state our desires in offensive mode?

Kasia: The moment you ask them to do something specific, the power dynamic has changed. The issue with women is that their energy is too inward: 

  • I‘m hurting,
  • I'm complaining,
  • I don't like this,
  • This is a problem,
  • Look what you're doing to me,
  • I am the victim,
  • I have no power,
  • You have to fix it,
  • It's all your fault,
  • You don't respect me etc.

The moment you start directing their actions, making those requests that would resonate with you as respect, you are in the dominant position.  The moment you start making them in control of your happiness and telling them they're doing a bad job, you are in defense mode. 

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Is there such a thing as a High Maintenance Woman

Myrna: I heard this a lot that men say, “Oh, she's too, high maintenance, but you're also saying there's no such thing  as a, low maintenance, woman just  women who are not bold enough to ask for what they want.

Kasia: So, high maintenance, is a fad. No woman is, low maintenance, but when men complain about women being, high maintenance, what they're actually saying is not you are too much work.  What they're saying is I never got the instruction manual on how to treat you as a woman.

Men  just got used to ignoring and tolerating the complaints of women, because they never really understood what makes them happy. Women weren't asking for the things that would actually light them up, give them orgasms, make them feel supported and empowered. What men got was a bunch of vague things.

You find a man who's getting specific instructions for the first time; he's like a little boy in a candy store like yes, what can I do next? He feels competent and takes care of his women like he takes care of his car!

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

A woman's guide to power

Unbound: A Woman's guide to power
Unbound: A Woman's guide to power

Myrna: Tell us about your book, it's called Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power.

Kasia: The book is a step-by-step training manual. It definitely talks about how to ask and how to get off the spot when you're being bullied and bulldozed. There's a lot of how-to stuff there also. I teach women how to create allies out of all the men in their lives. The book is also a journey through how to get all of the support that you need from the people in your life to make your actual dreams and desires come true.

Not the ones that you think are attainable and not the ones that you think are socially acceptable. A huge part of the book is breaking the, good girl conditioning.

Myrna: How can those listening and watching in TV connect with you? How can they get a copy of your book and get your get information about your Academy?

Transform your mind PTWWN TV
PTWWN TV

Kasia: The easiest way to find out more is to go to the website www.weteachpower.com.

We have an announcement on the site of all our classes. Also, there are tons of free resources and videos and things that the interested listeners, viewers and readers can engage with. The book is available everywhere books are sold. Penguin Random house published it and there's my Ted talk that I delivered to 10,000 people live as well.

Myrna: Thank you for being so in-depth about understanding the mindset of women and the mindset of the power. What is your social media handle?

Kasia: @realkasiaUrbaniak on Instagram.

Conclusion

Please remember to subscribe to the podcast on iTuneswe would love for you to rate and post a review so that we can get these fantastic guests out to wider audience.

Thanks for tuning in and until next time, blessings.

Additional Resources

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine

How to Develop Emotional Resilience At Work

Emotional intelligence, can be measured but, emotional resilience, is how you emotionally utilize all those components to say okay life is throwing me a bit of a curve ball at the momentHow do I work with itI don’t like the situation that I find myself in, but what do I doIf you don’t do anything you’re going to fall over and that’s not being, resilient.

My guest today is Robin Hills, author of The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience in Business: Strategies to Manage Stress and Weather Storms in the Workplace.

Robin has over 35 years business and commercial experience, helping executives and leaders develop, emotional resilience, through increased self-awareness and understanding of others.

Book: The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience in the Workplace
Book: The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience in the Workplace

Listen to the full episode Here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/9437949-how-to-develop-emotional-resilience-at-work.mp3?download=true

 

Robin’s focus is on supporting personality and behavior in business, based on the everyday application of, emotional intelligence. He is the director of Emotional Intelligence (E.I.) for Changecompany specializes in training, coaching and personal development focused around, emotional intelligence, positive psychology and neuroscience.

His educational program on, emotional resilience, and, emotional intelligence, are used in educational establishments in South Africa, India, as well as over 5000 students in 125 countries.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Introduction to Emotional Resilience

Myrna: Emotional Intelligence, and, emotional resilience, in the workplace is a big topic, because we know that a lot of our stressors come from working with people in the workplace.  It’s not necessarily your spouse or your children or immediate family, but in the workplaces where we have the most stress and learning how to maneuver that with, emotional intelligence, or, emotional resilience,  is actually a great skill.

Myrna: What does, emotional resilience, really mean and what was your journey into becoming an expert at it?

 

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Emotional Resilience Starts Building at Home

Robin: I just want to say that,  emotional intelligence, or, emotional resilience,  in the workplace is going to be affected by what’s going on with your partner, what’s going on with your children, what’s going on at home, because these are going to drive your, emotions.  So that when you’re at work, you don't leave those, emotions, in the trunk of your car, you don’t leave them in the parking lot, you take them into work with you and they’re going to influence the way in which you engage with people.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence, is the way in which you utilize your thinking with your feelings in order to make good quality decisions and build up authentic relationships. If you are awash with unpleasant, emotions, because of circumstances that are happening outside of work, you're not really going to be in a good place, to have a jolly happy relationship with the people that you work with; particularly if you undergo levels of conflict with them and that’s going to mean that you’re not necessarily going to make the best decisions.

Those with a higher degree of, emotional resilience, can handle the stresses that come with daily life more effectively and calmly. They are also able to manage crises more easily. Fortunately, emotional resilience, is a trait that can be developed. In fact, it's a trait that is worth developing for many reasons, not the least of which is that it can transform your life and your experience of, stress in the workplace.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

How to Build Your Emotional Resilience

How did become an expert on, emotional intelligence? I was doing a sales job (a very high pressured sales job) within the pharmaceutical industry in and around the teaching hospitals of Central London and I recognized that my, emotions, drove the way in which I engaged with people. Interestingly enough their, emotions, drove the way in which they engaged with meat the time, that was at the end of the last century where nobody had heard of, emotional intelligence.

It wasn’until the mid 90's when the first books were published on, emotional resilience, that I suddenly realized, this was what I‘ve been searching for all my life. I asked my self what can I do in terms of working with this idea and concept?

At the time I hadn’t got much more experience than a lot of sales experience and a bit of management experience. So, it was really a case of building that experience, just getting more experience working with people, influencing, persuading people and understanding how they engage.

Myrna: A lot of times, emotional intelligence, has to do with learning to navigate that situation because a lot of times, nothing is wrong with you, but you have a boss or someone that you have to learn to intelligently deal with them.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

 

Emotional Intelligence Test

Myrna: Is there an, emotional intelligence test?

Robin: The word test is not quite right, but people call it a testLet’s go along with this, I prefer to call it an assessment or an  inventory. because a test, it implies that there are right answers and there are wrong answers.

However, I will say that the word test is widely used when we’re talking about, personality tests, and a lot of psychologists will refer to their instruments as testsSo, the answer to your question is yes, there are quite a few, assessments, or, emotional intelligence test.  Some look at measuring abilities, some look at measuring competencies and some mix the two together.

My preference is to look at one that mixes the two together and I’m a great fan of what’s known as the, EQI 2.0, the Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0. There are other good, emotional intelligence tests, available, but I like that one because it’s got a 360 view.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Personality Assessment Test

The, EQI 2.0, generates a leadership report and there are a wide variety of norms which means that we can select out western managers who are middle aged, between 30 and 40 and identify how people perform against that group

We can look at a South African norm and see how people perform against that group. The, EQI 2.0, is the most widely used, assessment test, across the world.

Myrna: What exactly are you looking for when you’re doing this, emotional intelligence test?

Robin: Ideally, we’re looking for a sweet spot which is about seven or eight points which suggests that there’s room for improvement, but people have got that level of competencythat ability when it’s appropriate and when the circumstances are right for them to express themselves in that way.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

The Authority Guide to Emotional Resilience

Myrna: In your book “The Authority Guide Emotional Resilience in Business”, you’re combining, emotional intelligence, and, emotional resilience. How are they related?

Robin: Really interesting question because surprisingly, emotional resilience,  itself is not a part of an, emotional intelligence, frameworkResilience, is about sticking to something to a certain extent that is measured in the, emotional intelligence assessment.

What we need to do is just to understand what, resilience, is. It’s a component of, stress managementStress management, is part of, emotional intelligence, particularly if you’re looking at the, EQI 2.0, inventory. It will measure how you, manage stress. it will look at your, stress tolerance, to a certain extent that could be called your, resilience.

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Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

How to Build Your Resilience

If we look at what, resilience, is, resilience, is not what most people think. It’s not about bouncing back, that’s not what, resilience is. Resilience, is having a realistic understanding of the situation that you find yourself in and accepting that things cannot always be brilliant all the time.

Having a kind of realistic optimism that life is good, life is meaningful  that’s an important component of, resilience.  Then it’s having the adaptability, the flexibility and the creativity to make the most of the situation and put things to different uses in order to help you to grow and develop through the situation that you find yourself in.

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How Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Resilience Differs

Now a lot of those can’t be measured in the same way that, emotional intelligence, can be measured but, emotional resilience, is how you emotionally utilize all those components to say okay life is throwing me a bit of a curve ball at the momentHow do I work with itI don’t like the situation that I find myself in, but what do I doIf you don’t do anything you’re going to fall over and that’s not being, resilient.

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Download on Spotify

Mental Health is a component of emotional resilience

I think it’s also important to say here that people have got to look at their, mental health.  Ipeople are undergoing severe, mental health, issues there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  They’ve just got to seek the support that they need whether it’s clinical or medical support. It could be support from family or friends or a therapist. 

It’s getting the support that they need to see them through that awkward patch. There is nothing wrong with having a, mental health, issue.

Myrna: Let’s transition into, stress, your book also deals with, stressIt’s part of the title. What are some of the,  strategies to reduce stress, in the workplace using, emotional resilience? 

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Using emotional resilience for stress management

Robin: I think one of the easiest and quickest ways to reduce, stress, is to understand your, emotions, and to recognize what, emotions, you are feeling and the impact that they are having upon you. Now, emotions, are emotionsThere’s a lot of nonsense said about positive and, negative emotions. We can’t label, emotions, as positive or negative.

We’re experiencing, emotions, for a reason and the important thing is to understand the information that these, emotions, are trying to convey to us.  If we’re feeling angry why are we feeling angry?  What is it that we need to do in order to work with that anger?

A negative way of utilizing that anger is to bottle it up, and let it get worse or to go and take it out on the wrong person (your partner, your children, the cat or your subordinates in the workplace). That is not effective, stress management. 

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How Leaders Use Emotional Intelligence

Myrna: If Im a leader with, emotional intelligence, I would understand that change is a process and I wouldn't get upset if there’s a lot of push back from people who are objecting to changeI would understand that it’s a process and sooner or later they will accept change. In the meantime,  how do I guide them?

Robin: I think the most, emotionally intelligent, way of dealing with change  is finding out what everybody needs and what everybody wants, because some people will need a lot more guidance than others. What I need will be different from what you need.

A good leader will actually adapt what they do and how they  communicate with staff. A lot of leaders don’t have that time and are not prepared to put that level of investment into their employees.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Emotional Intelligence and Stress Management

Myrna: Can you use, emotional intelligence, to, reduce stressIs there a way you can think your, stress, away?

Robin: Yes, but to a certain extentIt’s also all about, self-awareness;  it’a fundamental component of, emotional intelligence.  So, it’s having this knowledge about yourself:

  • What are you good at,
  • Are you utilizing your strengths,
  • Do you know your liabilities,
  • What are the obstacles that usually prevent you from succeeding?

I‘m not a great advocate for working with liabilities and weaknesses and trying to change them.  I look at what you are good at?  What makes you really special?  I try and get more of that good stuff because if you can do it wellstrangely enough all those weaknesses and liabilities disappear.

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Transform your mind PTWWN TV
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Using Emotional Resilience to Manage stress at work

Myrna: When you’re at work, the things that you can control is yourself. You can’t control someone else, you can’control the situations.  If your company decides to move their headquarters and go to a different state there’s nothing you can do about that.  All you can do is use your, emotional intelligence, to decide whether you’re going to go or you’re going to stay.

Myrna: Tell our listeners about your book.

Robin: My book is called the “Authority Guided to Emotional Resilience in Business Strategies to Manage Stress, and Weather Storms in the workplace”  and of course it can be found on Amazon.  was very pleased for it to be published under the authority guide series, because it actually shows the level of authority behind the messages that are within the book.

But, if people are not interested perhaps in reading a bookI‘ve actually converted the book into an online course.

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Emotional Intelligence for change Course

You can actually go along and watch short little videos around each of the topics. You can look at those in terms of self-paced learning, so that’s another alternativeIf people go to courses.ei4change.com, you’ll be able to find the course there. People can download, and get  a free, Emotional Intelligence Book.

Additional Resources

Ten Characteristics of a Great Leader

 

How to Go from Success to Significance in 100 Days

Inspirational coach, Marcus Bell, created a project called the “100 Dayz Challenge” a ‘Wealth and Impact’ boot camp to guide people to the way to success. This Challenge helps people achieve their goals in life.

Marcus Bellringer teaches us how to go from, Success to Significance, in, 100 days. His bootcamp 100, Dayz, Impact Challenge is growing in popularity.  We’re going to straddle the fence today. We talk about music and, life coaching, and  challenge you to make changes to your life in, 100 days.

How to Have Success in 100 Days
How to Have Success in 100 Days

Bio Marcus Bell

MARCUS BELL IS ONE OF THE TOP MUSIC PRODUCERS/COMPOSERS IN THE INDUSTRY. He has worked with some of the biggest artists such as Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry, Snoop Dogg and many more. He also produced and composed for some of the most famous films and TV shows. Apart from that, Bell is a successful entrepreneur who wants to help people achieve their goals in life. That’s why he created a project called the “100 Dayz Challenge” a ‘Wealth and Impact’ boot camp to guide people to the way to success.

This Challenge helps people achieve their goals in life.  Bell has also produced soundtracks for several television shows and films. Some of the new and upcoming releases that feature his work are the TV series P-Valley (Starz Network) with the singles ‘Boy Listen’ and ‘Own It’, and the Netflix series Ginny & Georgia with the song ‘Give Us Love’. Marcus Bell also published a #1 best-selling book on Amazon titled ‘Bellringer Branding Bible: The 5 Musician Branding Principles for Singers, Rappers

Listen to the Full Interview

 

Before we get into the details of our conversation today, tell us your journey from being a music producer to a, Life coach, wanting to help people achieve success in their life.

Marcus: The first thing I would say is to start with is I stand for dignity and compassion for myself and all humanity. That’s why everything that I've done and everything that I do is organized around uplifting humanity. When it comes to the music industry now, the thing that I love about the music industry which I've been a part of since I was two years old, is I was born into the entertainment industry.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

I started playing piano when I was two years old,  I was a child prodigy. I started my first company when I was 12 years old, a record label. So, I've been an entrepreneur my entire life, a musician, songwriter and recording artist. What I discovered in my journey was that the things that I was doing when I was younger, like recording myself and playing all the instruments and coming up with the lyrics of the songs and all of those pieces of a puzzle (that’s the actual role of someone that is able to do all of those things and mix the song and bring it to completion and deliver the emotions of the song), those are the roles of a music producer – so I discovered that I was a, music producer, before I was a teenager.

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KB Eliza started to write stories the year she tried to live in a treehouse. That year was an unusually wet one, with thunder that made her dog shake. As a young child, she loved to escape into the dimension of storytelling. Vignettes of the Possibly Dying are stories about faith, hope, and a strong notion that there may be more beyond our world than we can perceive.

People are loving this book.  One review said: Must have book.

Raw emotional honesty that made me rethink about different perspectives on spirituality and other preconceived ideas I held. I have have ordered more for Christmas gifts.

Another said: A must for those searching for peace and clarity. A collection of poems that reassure spark, thought and ignite change.

Pick up your copy of Vignettes of the Possibly Dying on Amazon or by visiting https://kbeliza.com/

Book Vignettes of the possibly dying
Book Vignettes of the possibly dying

Become the producer of your life in 100 Days

I learned everything from my mother, she was just amazing at bringing forth treasures in my life. When I was younger, I lived in an area in Virginia (I was born in Norfolk, Virginia). In that area there was a music producer who had produced Marvin Gaye. He was my first contact with someone that was hugely successful in the music industry, his name is Gordon. I was taken to the studio in his house and he was playing my music. Suddenly, he stopped the music and he looked at me, he said “kid don't you listen to the radio?”

What he was saying was “kid what's your style.”  I was playing around in a lot of different genres and did not have a sound.  Today I teach my clients to find their unique talent in, 100 days.  As a kid, I had a song that was hip-hop, I had a song that was jazz, I had a song that was gospel, I had a song that was reggae and a funk song. I was all over the place in terms of the type of music I was producing. But I discovered, I was a, producer.

I discovered in that session that this is what a, music producer, does. A, music producer, looks at the artist and can see what is needed in order to pull the greatness out of that artist. The, producer, then focuses that greatness in a direction that will make the artist successful.  In the, 100 days, challenge, I do the same thing for my clients.  I pull the greatness out of them and I try to do it in, 100 days.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

 

The Wealth and Impact Boot Camp: How to Build Wealth

My job as a, music producer, is to see greatness in my artists and help them discover that greatness for themselves, and capture it on a recording, so that the world can see that greatness.

As a, Life Coach, the Wealth and Impact Boot Camp, is a program that is designed around helping people access their greatness, articulate that value in the marketplace so that they can monetize it and help a massive amount of people.

Myrna: That's great. So, why did the, music producer, back then ask you if you listen to the radio? How does the radio help you as an artist?

Marcus: That's a fantastic question. There are processes to discovering your voice, and as far as I can tell, there are three stages:

  • There's imitation stage,
  • The emulation stage and
  • And the innovation stage.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Goal Setting in the innovation stage

The, imitation, stage is like learning to play the saxophone. I would take out the saxophone put on Charlie Parker and John Coltrane, imitate what they did,  I would try to figure out the notes get the sheet music (this is what they were playing here) and try to sound like them. Basically, I was attempting to be Charlie Parker on the saxophone. This is the, imitation, stage.

For the, emulation, I'll use a different example. When I was in Boston doing something like 10 songs a day, people would come into the recording studio and say “Marcus can you do something that sounds like Timberland” Can you do something that sounds like Baby Face? Can you do something that sounds like Dr. Dre? But in, goal setting, we have to stop, imitation, and, emulation, and start the, innovation, process to create our unique sound or bring our our unique greatness.

I'm not playing exactly what Dr. Dre did, but I would do something that Dr. Dre would have done. It's a sound, it's a feel, it's an energy, it's a vibe.  I'm listening from a lot of different lenses. I am listening for  like the sounds that are selected, the type of setting that is placed, the way the notes are arranged (is it more minor, is it more major) like all these different factors and many different ways to examine something to get to an, emulation, place.  As the, producer, of your life, you can do the same thing with your mentor.

Find somebody who has been where you are trying to go and emulate them until you understand the rules of the game.

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Trying to find your sound or unique talent in 100 Days

I didn't know at the time that I was developing a valuable skill from, emulation, and, imitation. That skill allowed me to be featured in different television shows and movies. People still reach out to me and say “Hey Marcus we couldn't clear the Beyoncé song, oh we couldn't clear xyz song (like Lady Gaga’s song), do you have anything that sounds like it? They are using my skill of, imitation, and, emulation.

Innovation, is getting you to your authentic self. In the, 100 dayz challenge, and there's a bunch of different lenses that we can talk about. One lens is think about those conversations that you may have about, time and money.  For example. There's a narrative that gets emulated inside of society, particularly Western society that “time is money”. How many times have you heard that?

Myrna: Are you trying to challenge that concept?

Marcus: Absolutely, because time is much greater than money.

Marcus: I would assert and not only is time much greater than money, but what kind of time are we talking about?

  • Are we talking about space time,
  • What about talking about time as numbers,
  • And talking about time as activity?

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Learning How to build wealth in 100 Days

I've studied a lot about, time and money, time can be used in the context of money to multiply your money (like compound interest) and things like that, but I think when I use that is when someone is wasting my time.

Myrna: Are you talking about the 24-hour day where you are a, producer, a coach or somebody that's working with you that, time is money, because when you waste time you're wasting money?

Marcus: Yes, but you can transform that thinking and have, passive income, from,  compound interest, and all the other things where your time is not connected to, money. I mean, money, is not connected to your time. In the, 100 days, challenge, I spend a lot of time on how to make, money, work for you.   If I were to talk about how I produce revenue, you would agree that, time is not connected to, money.

In the, 100 Dayz challenge, I teach you, how to build wealth, with, passive income, in, 100 days. I have a friend of mine who I'm doing a course with, I'm collaborating with him on a LinkedIn, Wealth and Impact Boot Camp course. He gets paid up to $75,000 for 45 minutes.

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Building Wealth by becoming an Innovator

Marcus: Barack Obama is an, innovator, that is why he charges $200, 000 an hour to speak for an hour at events. A, Life Coach, can bring $200,000 worth of value into the lives of their clients and be paid $500. Part of being an, innovator, and, music producer, is looking at what are the elements that make someone unique. What's different about this artist, what is he doing that's different? What's different could be  how you value yourself in a marketplace and so forth. Time is money, is one of those things.

Myrna: I remembered probably the biggest example of that, is Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey has a song “All I want for Christmas is You.” That the song took her 30 minutes to write and it's made 60 million over the years. That is how you, build wealth, and we can say that is this case, time is not money.

Marcus: That’s a great example. Musicians aren't the only ones that have, passive income, from, innovation.  I would assert that every individual once they have connected to the intrinsic value that they have to offer the world, and they're able to hone in on what that value is and offer it to the world, can have, passive income, and not trade time for money.

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What the 100 Dayz Challenge is About

Myrna: Tell us about your, 100 Dayz Challenge, and how does it connect to finding the authentic self?

Marcus:  The 100, Dayz, Challenge is really designed around taking people from, success to significance. In a community event in 2020 around election time, I was talking about elections and I challenged my clients to elect themselves for office. When someone comes into office like when Biden they have an aggressive agenda in the the first, 100 days, in office. This originated from President Roosevelt. When the country was moving out of the great depression, Roosevelt brought forth the first, 100 days, (this is where we get that from in popular culture and then particularly in politics). When he got into office, his first, 100 days, is where he set the tone for his entire 4 year term by doing as much as possible in, 100 days.

The whole four years, but people ask what did you do in, 100 days? That's why people elected to office, try and get bills passed or reverse things from the past president, all of that activity in that first, 100 days, in office. Traditionally, the first, 100 days, has been the most impactful for the entire eight year term.

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iHeart Radio

100 Dayz boot camp

In my 100, dayz, challenge, I challenged them to create wealth in a the boot camp to take on, 100 days, for their most important aims. I created a structure around the first, 100 days, because most times when people take on challenges like New Year’s resolutions, by day 15:

  • people stop going to the gym,
  • they're eating cakes again,
  • they stop meditating,
  • Most stop praying or whatever.
  • Arguing with their husband or wife or girlfriend a boyfriend is back
  • Most people can't sustain it.

So, I created a structure for, sustainability. What makes the, 100 Dayz Challenge, unique is that, it is designed with, neuroscience, social psychology, and with psychology in mind; so that you can create sustainable change or elevation or adding something new.  If there is something that you wanted to do that you didn't necessarily have the courage to do, or you didn't have the time to do, you didn't have the resources to do it, whatever. All you have to do is take that thing and put it inside the, 100 Dayz Challenge, structure Program and achieve, success to significance.

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Success to Significance in 100 Days

As a result of the success of the, 100 Dayz Challenge, and because we launched at the same time that Biden came into office. We started this, 100 days, challenge and we opened it up to the public. People can join at any time. We created several, 100 days, programs to suit different goals. As soon as you join it, your, 100 days, starts.

What's happened from the public launch of the program is we realized that this is not just a program:

  • it's not just a course inside (even though there ‘s a course in the 100, dayz, challenge)
  • it's not just a community (even though we are a community)
  • and it's not just a structure (even though there's a structure there),
  • this is actually a Movement.

It's all about self and others, because when you do something for yourself it impacts those around you.

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TuneIn Radio

The Neuroscience of sustainability

Myrna: That's true, but I want to ask you a question, because I know that what you're saying is very true as far as, sustainability, which is one of the reasons that the gyms are so packed after new year's or before summer, because people have a goal at these times but they can't sustain it. You talk about the, neuroscience, of the, 100 dayz challenge, so how does your program help with the neuroscience of quitting?

Marcus: There are things that we know for example, is response to, neuroscience.  There's always an exception to every rule. There's always the exception. For example, there's always the gym that has people packed and all the time, but  what we know in, neuroscience, (I'm not a neuroscientist, but I do a lot of study on, neuroscience.)  It's known that willpower doesn't really work, so you can't “WILL” yourself throughout the day to perform at a high level.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

Willpower and Goal Setting

Willpower,  over time diminishes, so you have less of it as the day progresses, which is why it's important if you're doing something that requires a lot of prefrontal cortex, to do it first thing in the morning. If there's a lot of cognitive load, you do that thing earlier in the day.  If you're going to do finances or accounting or read through contracts or whatever you might want to do that earlier in the day, than at the end of the day. When you're tired from the activities of the day and your, willpower, has diminished, your cognitive abilities also have diminished.

The way the, 100 Dayz challenge, is designed we take an account that people have different goals and different aims. Someone maybe , goal setting, with a  money aim, some will be, goal setting, and have a relationship aim, some may be, goal setting, and have a spiritual aim. The program allows each person to work with the strategies.

Myrna: Tell us about the, 100 Dayz challenge,  program. Is it customized? The example that you gave of a person who wanted to raise money, would it be that a totally different skill than would be set for someone wanted to lose weight or someone wanted to get wealth or maybe someone wanted to find out what is their unique talent. Tell us about your program, 100 Dayz.

Conclusion

Marcus:  The way that works is you as the individual customize it using the tools that we provided.

Myrna: Now, tell our audience how they can connect with this, 100 Dayz Challenge, or where they can connect with you.

Marcus: If someone is interested in joining the, 100 Dayz, Impact Challenge, they will go to 100dayzchallenge.com and join. I will recommend that they join the inner circle because on those inner circle calls, every Monday I get on the phone with the people that are in the challenge and we have conversations.

Myrna: My intention is almost similar to what you're doing here. My intention is to let people know that all they have to do is transform their mind and they can, transform their life, so that's exactly what you're doing here. With the challenge, you are helping people to transform their mind, because the mind is what is can either build you up or bring you down. Once you change that mindset, you will, transform your life.

Thank you so much for helping us to do that today by transforming our mindset that yes, we can do anything we want to do or achieve any goal by just working at it.

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Additional Resources

Can you recognize your failure symptoms?

 

How To Get Out Of The Snares of Child Abuse

Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement is a book written to encourage women of color who were born in lack. It showcases my, personal growth, journey and how I got, out of the snares, of poverty and, child abuse.

 

This is my interview on the Books of the Month show on www.ptwwntv.com

Listen to the interview:

 

Introduction to Out Of the Snares

Myrna – I am a, life coach, I host a show on the preach the word television network called Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, one of the reasons that I wrote the book, Out of the Snares, is because I believe and I wanted to encourage women that it is not where we come from, but where we end up that’s important.

It's also the only way that we can go through that transition like from a caterpillar to a butterfly is if we allow the things that happen to us in life help us with, personal growth.  We should use challenges to transform ourselves and for our, personal development.

So, the book, Out of the Snares, is basically a story of my life.  I wrote it from a, life coaching, perspective with 10 principles of, life experiences, that happened to me and what I learned from those, life experiences.

I’m a, life coach, but I do most of my coaching on my show Transform Your Mind. It is a radio, podcast and a television show.

Dr O.C Pringle:  You're doing it all sister Young, you're doing it all right and so of course your inspiration would be your, life's experience, and, child abuse. let's talk about that.

Out of the Snares of Child Sexual Abuse

Myrna:  I was, sexually abused, as a child in Guyana by a family friend.  He was technically my Godfather, but being from a third world country, a very poor country and he was very rich.

We would call him a, pedophile, he showered me with a lot of attention,  and bought me a lot of gifts and then took advantage of that.

I didn't realize that we were doing anything wrong until I became 13 and started having Boyfriends.

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DR O.C Pringle: Until you became what?  Wait how old were you?

 

Myrna:  This, sexual abuse, began at age 10.

 

Dr O.C Pringle: Wow did anything ever happen to this guy?

 

Myrna: No, because like most children I didn’t say anything about it. I told no one. This book was my first experience talking about it and I in my 40’s when I wrote, Out of the Snares. My dad read the book and was very upset that he did not know this was going on.

Children carry a lot of shame regarding, sexual abuse, I still carried shame when I wrote, Out of the Snare. As you can see I used my maiden name Trotman for the author name.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Dr. O.C Pringle: So, you placed Myrna Bernadette Trotman on the cover of the book, because you didn't want people to know it was you, but your picture is on the cover!!

 

Myrna: I started to release shame when I started talking about the, sexual abuse, and when I learnt that children can’t give consent for sex. So whatever guilt and shame that I had attached to my, sexual abuse, I released it.

 

Dr O.C Pringle: Well listen it worked out for your good, but all things work together for the good of them that loved God and are called according to his, purpose, so your, sexual abuse, worked in your favor. You were able to redirect that energy into something positive where you're helping people all over the world.  You're on radio and on television, yes you are some kind of a woman.

Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement

Self Improvement Book: Out of the Snares
Out of the Snares of poverty, and sexual abuse

So, let's talk some more about the book.

 

Myrna: Out of the Snares, is made up of 10 principles in life that we should live by:

 

  1. Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you– Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
  2. The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good– God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don't give up until you win.
  3. Let the, Universal Laws of Attraction, the, Laws of Intention, work for you– Ask and it will be given unto you.
  4. Have a, Positive Mindset– Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
  5. Use what you have in your hand– You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
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  1. Be intentional about your Growth– Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
  2. If you build it, they will come“ Be a servant first.
  3. Find your Passion– it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
  4. Love– it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
  5. Business Consciousness– how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.

Additional Resources

Do You Have A Child Sexual Abuse Story? Break the Silence

Self love is the secret Out of the Snares of Child Abuse

Gut Health: How to Prevent a Leaky Gut

Our, gut, plays a role in weight loss, it plays a role in brain health. Eighty percent of our immune systems is in our, gut. So, if you want to be well you have to have a, healthy gut. Our, gut, acts as a barrier, it doesn't allow the bad stuff in and it doesn't allow the good stuff out until it's ready to be released.  But because we are exposed to things like antibiotics, not only through medications, but through the foods we eat, these things kill our microbiome, our good bacteria.

A, leaky gut, is where the lining of the, gut, has developed tiny, microscopic holes and now things like undigested food, bacteria, viruses, toxins are escaping into the bloodstream.

My guest today is Dr Bill Cole co-founder of Cellular Health Accelerator.  We are talking today on the topic of, gut health, how to prevent a, leaky gut.

Listen to full interview here: 

 

Introduction to Gut Health

I have a little bit of experience with the topic of, leaky gut, because I went through a couple of Dr Mark Hyman‘s trainings on, leaky gut.  Dr Hyman taught about probiotics and how some of the foods that we eat goes through the, gut lining, and the, gut brain barrier.

We're going to talking about more than, nutrition, we're going to be talking about how sleep and, stress, affect our, gut.

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Bio of Dr Bill Cole

Dr. Bill Cole, Founder of the Largest Functional Medicine Group of its kind, has created, The Cellular Health Accelerator Program, that helps people to feel well and age well. He has already helped to transform the lives of thousands and has spoken on stages across the nation.

Dr. Cole noted that recent research has shown that what people used to think was “normal aging” is actually caused by cumulative cellular damage that is causing premature aging.  Stress, poor sleep, unhealthy diet and environmental toxins, can lead to problems at the cellular level.

This knowledge inspired him to create and launch The, Cellular Health Accelerator Program. The 5-step plan is designed to help people increase their cellular energy and prevent, Leaky Gut, so that they can get through their days feeling healthy and strong, and have the energy they need to activate their own natural healing processes.

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Myrna – As an introductory question Dr Cole can you share with us your journey to becoming an expert on, cellular health, and, gut health.

How a Sick Friend opened a new path into Cellular Health

Dr Cole – I’d love to, back in 2001 I had already been in my own private practice for over 15 years, and I had taken on a partner who was one of my best friends. This man was a picture of health Myrna. He was a national level mountain bike competitor and he took great pride in not just talking the talk, but walking the walk. He was truly one of the healthiest people I've ever known.

Mysteriously, he started to lose his health. He was training for a mountain bike event and he noticed that his energy was starting to wane and it progressively got worse.

He came to my house one day and described it as brain issues and, gut, issues.  He continued to get worse to where he became nearly bedridden and started to entertain thoughts of suicide. He was trying every natural thing he could think of, every supplement.

Finally, this brilliant endocrinologist asked him a question.  He said have you ever investigated, mercury? My friend said I thought of, mercury, and I had a blood test done and it came back negative. The endocrinologist replied “blood test won't show, mercury,  you need to do this other test called a, urine toxic metal test.

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The Urine Toxic Metal Test

He did the, urine toxic metal test, and, mercury, was off the charts. So this endocrinologist asked him “did you have any work done on your teeth?” My friend had, silver fillings, and his symptoms started several days after because the, mercury, fillings was leaking.

That, mercury, went up into his brain then to his, gut, his thyroid and his adrenals.  That is why he was sick. Once they started treating the, mercury, toxin my friend started getting his health back.

At the time we had one of the largest chiropractic clinics in the state of Pennsylvania, if not the country, but it really geared us both towards this idea that there are other things happening from a, cellular, perspective in his case it was the brain cell.

Mercury poisoning sets up a Leaky Gut

Myrna – I actually heard about the, mercury, situation from Tony Robbins. He  had a similar story to your friend where he started to have no energy and almost couldn’t walk.  Which was a total shock to him and family because Tony is used to being high energy at his events for 14 hours straight.  They found out he had, mercury, poisoning from eating too much Tuna.

The question I want to ask you is when the, mercury, seeped into from the teeth of your of your friend into his brain, how did it get to his, gut, and became, leaky gut?

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Dr Cole – We must understand first of all that the, gut, is made of cells. Our whole body is made of, cells. It would be important to know that when we're talking about, silver fillings, that you know that those, silver fillings, are called, amalgam fillings. Dental amalgam, is a dental filling material used to fill cavities caused by tooth decay.

Dental amalgam is a mixture of metals, consisting of liquid, mercury, and a powdered alloy composed of silver, tin, and copper. Approximately half (50%) of, dental amalgam, is elemental, mercury, by weight. The chemical properties of elemental, mercury, allow it to react with and bind together the silver/copper/tin alloy particles to form an amalgam.

Dental amalgam fillings, are often referred to as, silver fillings, because of their silver-like appearance, although the use of this term in not recommended because the term does not correctly explain the materials in, amalgam.

The Gut Brain Connection

As it relates to the, gut, our brain and our, gut, are connected. They're connected over the longest nerve in our body called the, Vagus Nerve.  So there's this, gut, brain connection. My friend he had no and never had any issues with his, gut, but once this happened with his brain now all of a sudden, he couldn't eat certain foods. He would have sensitivities in his, gut, he was bloated all of the time. He had alternating bouts of constipation and diarrhea so his, gut, was severely damaged.

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Here is an analogy we can utilize to gain understanding. Let’s say you have a river that's flowing by your house, you might start to see the fish in the river die and your solution might be to put more fish into the river, but if the problem is 20 miles upstream where there's a chemical company dumping let's say, mercury, into the river we can change the fish all day long.

But if we don't get upstream to where that problem's coming from, we're really only treating symptoms.  A lot of people are doing just that. They're dealing with just the, gut, but it may be upstream too.

Stress and a Leaky Gut

How does poor sleep, stress, and an unhealthy diet including environmental toxins lead to problems at the cellular level?

Three Types of Stress

Dr Cole – Let’s look at, stress, first. If you ask the average person about, stress, they think of, emotional stress.  Like marital problems, work problems or financial problems; but there's really three types of, stress:

  • Physical stress
  • Chemical stress
  • and Emotional stress
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Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

Physical stress, could be from an automobile accident and people’s health is never the same after that, physical stress.

Chemical stress, is the big one where toxins come into play. We have and onslaught of chemicals that we're dealing with daily in our lives that are creating damage to our, cells. But we're finding out that these chemicals are doing even more than that. They are turning on our bad genes.

Toxins in Beauty Products that cause a Leaky Gut

I just was recently reading a study from the environmental working group. They looked at 12 different beauty products and these products had over 168 different toxins in them and that's just in the beauty products.

What we're seeing today in terms of these unexplainable types of illnesses is lack of sleep is causing, stress. Our body repairs itself during sleep, if we're not getting adequate sleep which is pretty common in our society, they're not going to be repairing the way that they should.  There's something called the, glymphatic system, most people have heard of the, lymphatic system.

The, glymphatic system, is really an accumulation of different vessels that help cleanse our central nervous system. Our brain is active at nighttime when we're sleeping. It cleanses out the impurities in our body, so if we're not getting adequate sleep that can impact that connection between the brain and the, gut.

The, urine toxic metal test, can detect these toxins but as far as the, leaky gut, there really is no specific test for that.

There are over 1600 medical studies they refer to it as intestinal permeability, we're calling it, leaky gut, it's the same thing.

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How the Cellular Health Accelerator program helps Prevent a Leaky Gut

I know that you've got a solution and part of your solution is your program that you developed called, cellular health accelerator program.  Can you tell us about that program?

Dr Cole – I would like to preface that question by just giving a little understanding of our, cells.  We're made of, cells, every tissue organ and gland are, cells. We can think of ourselves like bricks in a building. The difference though is that our bricks our, cells, are alive.

No matter what's happening disease-wise, it's always traceable back to something gone wrong at that, cell, level. So if a person wants to be well, they have to fix their, cells.

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We approach it from something called the five R's of cellular healing:

  1. Remove the source to the damage. Remove the mercury and other toxins.
  2. You have to regenerate the, cell membrane that is damaged. There's going to be certain techniques we use like consuming healthy fats like extra virgin olive oil, virgin coconut oil, eating grass-fed beef and wild salmon. These foods will help heal our, cells.
  3. We have to restore energy. A person who barely has enough energy to make it through the day don’t have the reserve energy to heal there, cells. We need to understand why the cell is not producing enough of that gasoline called ATP.
  4. Reduce inflammation, sugar is driving inflammation. We've got to eliminate those sources.
  5. Re-establish methylation. I won't get lost in the weeds here but most sick people don't have enough what are called methyl groups. They're carbon and hydrogen groups without them they can't detoxify, they can't make energy, they can't heal. So we have to reestablish that methylation.  We give them certain nutrients like methylated folate or methylated B12 that will help them to methylate.

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What are the symptoms of a Leaky Gut?

Let's get to the, leaky gut.  You talked about whatever comes upstream comes into your, gut. Your, gut, is made of, cells, but how can people understand what the symptoms are for a, leaky gut.

Dr Cole – I realized that most disease that we see has some basis or at least some connection to an unhealthy, gut.  We know that the, gut, microbiome is an accumulation of bacteria.  This environment in our, gut, made of bacteria outnumber the, cells, in our body by at least ten to one.

Our, gut, plays a role in weight loss, it plays a role in brain health. Eighty percent of our immune systems is in our, gut. So, if you want to be well you have to have a, healthy gut. Our, gut, acts as a barrier, it doesn't allow the bad stuff in and it doesn't allow the good stuff out until it's ready to be released.  But because we are exposed to things like antibiotics not only through medications but through the foods we eat, these things kill our microbiome our good bacteria.

A, leaky gut, is where the lining of the, gut, has developed tiny, microscopic holes and now things like undigested food, bacteria, viruses, toxins are escaping into the bloodstream.

Well, the response from that is your body will go on high alert right and the immune system must destroy these things.  The problem with that is every meal every day the immune system is on high alert. Eventually it goes haywire, and it begins looking at other parts of our body that are normal as abnormal and then we wind up with autoimmune disease.

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How to Prevent a Leaky gut

How can we prevent a, leaky gut?

Dr Cole – The first thing that we have to do if we're using utilizing my 5R’s is going to be that source thing.  We want to make sure that we're consuming foods that are going to aid in the development of good health and does not promote bad health.

If you can afford organic, you really should do that. The average apple for instance has has four different pesticides.  We must eliminate what we can like aluminum in our deodorant.

The second thing is going to be eating whole foods.  We must eliminate man-made foods that are pre-packaged and that are full of sugars and bad fats.  We need to focus on whole foods and that that's going to be whole grains. Grass-fed meats, wild salmon versus farm salmon.  You want pastured eggs and chickens that are actually allowed to roam in the grass and eat bugs, not kept four to six in a cage where they take their beaks off because they'll peck each other to death and given daily doses of antibiotics.

If they want a, healthy gut, they've got to put healthy things into their gut.

We need to create an anti-inflammatory environment in the body that supports health, that supports cellular healing.

Tell our listeners and those watching on TV how they can get access to your, cellular health accelerator program, and connect with you on social media.

Your audience can connect with me on Facebook and Instagram @ Cellular Health Accelerator but they could also go to my website which is www.drbillcole.com.

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Conclusion

I want to thank you all for tuning in to the, transform your mind, to transform your life blog. Today we hoped to, transform your mind, on the importance of, gut health, the importance of sleep and the importance of distressing your body. We all think, stress, is just, emotional stress, but, stress, can also be, physical stress, and, chemical stress.

I want to invite you guys all to join my Facebook group which is called “life coach” and if you're listening to this on a podcast, I would appreciate if you can rate and review as well as subscribe to the Transform Your Mind podcast.

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/5-questions-ask-before-going-with-gut-feeling/

Why is Renewing Your Mind Important?

When we talk about the, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but renewing your sense of, self-consciousness. Renewing your mind, impacts your conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.

Renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing.  Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind”

Pastor William L Glover speaks on the biblical principles of what God meant when He said “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Listen to the full interview here:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/8876218

 

Pastor Glover just completed a powerful series on, renewing the mind, it was a four part series, you can watch the full series on the Mount Hermon Ministries YouTube Channel. But today we're going to pick some of the important pieces of that, renewing your mind, series to share with you.

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Bio and Intro for Pastor William L Glover

Dr. William L. Glover is the Senior Pastor of Mount Hermon Ministries. He also oversees the Dew of Hermon Early Learning Center and is Campus Director of Life Christian University at Mount Hermon Ministries. He has a strong mandate for Education, Missions, Leadership Development, Justice Ministry and reaching the lost for Christ.

Having ministered in nine different countries on 29 international trips, Dr. Glover is an anointed teacher, preacher, and international speaker. He has assembled ministry and medical teams that have seen thousands of souls saved and thousands more received desperately needed medical care.  His passion is to reach the globe, but God has fashioned his heart in the shape of Africa.

Through Mount Hermon Ministries, he is very involved in reaching his community through educational empowerment.  He is a founding board member of L.I.F.E (Lee Interfaith for Empowerment), a Network of Congregations committed to finding solutions to systemic justice issues in Lee County; is an Executive Board Member of Healthy Lee, a group of faith, business and health professions committed to inspiring healthy life styles, and chairs the Religious Affairs Committee of the local branch of the NAACP. Dr. Glover is also Co-Founder (with Pastor Cheryl Glover) of Redeeming Influence Community Outreach, a non-profit that serves blighted communities.

Dr. Glover has earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Bible and Theology from Southeastern University (formally Bible College), a Master of Arts degree in Religion from Florida State University, a Master of Education degree in counseling from Florida A & M University, and his Doctor of Ministry degree in Theology from Life Christian University.

Dr. Glover is also the author of the three books: Justice: God, Nations, and Systems, which examines the role of faith in addressing systemic justice issues which plague the systems of men; 30 Days of Excellence, a daily devotional that focuses on cultivating a culture of excellence in Faith, in Speech and in Life; and Ready for the Harvest, a study on how to release the principle of seedtime and harvest into your life.

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Dr. Glover is married to Pastor Cheryl Glover. Four wonderful adult children enhance their lives: Brittney, Jade, Jana and William II. Dr. Glover credits God for His demonstration of goodness and continues to trust in His faithfulness throughout his Pastoral Ministry.

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What Does God Mean By Renewing the Mind

Myrna – My first question to you Pastor Glover  is why did why do you think God wanted you to preach on, renewing your mind?

Pastor Glover – that's an excellent question Myrna. I ended the 2020 year with a series of messages entitled, living in your redemption. The idea being that God had already paid the price for redemption and that he's redeemed our lives from destruction.

Whatever destruction has occurred in our lives, be it:

  • personal,
  • financial,
  • relational
  • emotional
  • mental

 

God has already invested in the price to redeem and restore us from that destruction. That message was received so well that I began to contemplate well how do I get people to embrace that, mindset, and the, renewing your mind, messages were born. If a person can hear something, but if it's not internalized and if it's not received, then it's not going to have an impact on their lives.

So that series of, renewing your mind, messages was born out of that realization of moving people from the point of where they are, to living in the redemption and, renewing their minds.

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Renewing Your Mind: the 3 parts of your mind

Myrna – you talked about the three different parts of the, mind, that God wants renewed.

Can you share with us the three different parts of the, mind?

Pastor Glover – Sure there are different aspects to each individual sermon, but the broad overview is the reason the, mind, is important is found in the wisdom literature. Scripture reveals that the, mind, is connected to and influences:

  • our psyche
  • our conscious
  • and our heart

 

When we talk about, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but it impacts your sense of, self-consciousness. It impacts your, conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.

So, renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing.  Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the, renewing of your mind”

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There are 3 action verbs in this sentence.

  • transformed
  • renewing of the mind
  • conformed

 

One is internal and one is external.  It impacts our, psyche, our consciousness, and our heart.  So it is the, transformation, of the total person, the total being.

 

What is the Flexible mind, the Fluid Mind and the Fixed Mind?

We need to have a conversation about what kind of, mindset, you are working with.

  • Is your, mindset, flexible?
  • Is your, mindset, fluid?
  • Or do you have a, fixed mindset? Which could be good or bad depending on what it's fixed on.

When we talk about the, psyche, the, psyche, being your sense of, self-consciousness. Why do we need, renewing of your mind, in your sense of, self-consciousness? Because it's our sense of awareness, our sense of, self-worth. It also is our mental and emotional health, so if your, mind, is not flexible, you need work in your sense of awareness.

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The Flexible Mindset

Some people who are not self-aware or there's some people who suffer from, low self-esteem, or there's some people who are damaged mentally and emotionally. If you don’t have a, flexible mindset, which means pliable then you will resist God doing the eternal work in your, psyche, to, transform your mind.  So, in order for, transformation, to occur you have to have a, flexible mindset.

 

There can be no, transformation, if you're unwilling to change.

The Fluid Mindset

Conversely a, fluid mindset, means that you are evolving, you are open to change. If you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you internalize and have what some call “stinking thinking.” You have a toxic, mindset, about yourself or about people. For instance oftentimes when people experience hurt in a relationship, they'll say I’ll never trust another man again or I’ll never trust another woman again.

 

So, if you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you're not willing to let that hurt go and embrace truth.

 

The Fixed Mindset

The third, mindset, you mentioned was a, fixed mindset. Just like when we lay concrete, we have to do the work before the concrete sets, because once it sets it's fixed. So, we have to be careful what we let set in our minds. We have to do the work while the concrete is fluid and pliable.

 

A, fixed mindset, is like set concrete.

 

Renewing the mind, is like renovation of a house. You’ve got to rip out things, knock down walls or beliefs before you can put in the new things or new learnings.

 

When we're inviting God to, transform your mind, then we have to understand our, psyche, our, self-consciousness, and our heart. That's why the, mind, is so important because it is connected to all of these aspects of the human person and they're all interrelated yet distinct.

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The Fixed Mindset is Like Concrete

Myrna – Someone with a, fixed mindset, like concrete why did you say that God can use this person?

In the, Life coaching, world, when we talk about a, fixed mindset, we're saying that there’s no growth in this person. But if your, mind, is set like concrete, is it possible for it to be changed?

Pastor Glover – Well yes but again you must have awareness of your, fixed mindset. You can get at that concrete two different ways. Through, transformation, which speaks to internal work that has to be done. The word, transformation, comes from the Greek word metamorphosis and so that speaks of going through a, transformation, but it starts from the inside out.

 

The other word that's used is, renewing, which literally has to do with renovating. When concrete sets, the only way to change it is to get a jackhammer and that's very painful work. People oftentimes will not choose to do that work, because it is painful, noisy, and messy. But if you're going to lay a new foundation in your life, you must do the, mental, emotional and spiritual work to jackhammer a, fixed mindset.

 

Myrna – How can God jackhammer to change that, fixed mindset?

 

Fixed mindset in  marital relationships

Pastor Glover – I think an example in the context of, relationships, particularly in the context of, marital relationships, a lot of work that has to be jackhammered in counseling sessions really has to do those, fixed mindsets, about marriage that have been set, but are toxic and are not healthy.

Couples have very different ideas about the foundation of a, marriage, and what it should be about. It is really about how men and women are socialized in our society. Young girls are socialized towards inter interdependent relationships. That's means they play together, they share much more readily than men do.  They are invested in group success as they are reared and everybody kind of having a good time.

Boys are socialized totally different. They are taught to stand on your own two feet, be independent. Be a man, don't share your emotions. So, men are much less equipped than women in, marital relationships, to handle a, fixed mindset, that's why women are 10 times more verbal than men.

One of the fun exercises I like to do when I’m dealing with, communication, is I’ll ask the man and the woman to get a sheet of paper and have each one writes me all the feeling words they are aware of. The woman's list is four times longer than the man,

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How can God Use a Fixed Mindset?

I’m curious though you also say in your message that God can use a, fixed mindset.

Pastor Glover – When you lay concrete, it's properly set, it is suitable for what you want to build on it. So, let's pull in this conversation, purpose and destiny. If you have great purpose or great destiny, you have to take the time to lay the foundation. If your foundation is fixed, God can build on it.

 

People do not take the time to factor in the type of foundation they need to lay to accommodate their dreams and visions of what they want. That can be applied to anything, in my book “30 Days of Excellence”  I teach that excellence is in the foundation that you lay for, purpose and destiny.

 

Be ye not conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

 

Why did God say that do not be transformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind?

The World is Battling for your Mind

Pastor William L Glover – Because it is all a battle for the, mind. This simple principle is found in Proverbs.

 

“As a man thinketh so is he”

  • Your, mindset, determines the reflection of who you are and it determines who you will be.
  • We would never be greater than our thoughts about things.
  • We would never rise above our thoughts about things.
  • We will never allow ourselves to be pulled beneath our thoughts about things.
  • Our thoughts reflect where we are going.

 

It's a battle for your, mind. The world we live in today, people don't want to do the work, to think for themselves. There is professional, think tanks, and these, think tanks, think for people and feed them what to believe, what to say.

 

They all are vying for our, minds, we don't tune in to learn anymore from the news,  we tune in to determine what we need to think. So, hence “do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the, renewing of your mind.

That, transformation,

  • happens through the word of God,
  • that transformation happens through your relationship with God
  • that transformation happens through a community of faith like-minded believers who are committed to growth.

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Transformation is from the heart.

Your, heart, which is the center of your being, the seat of your soul and this is important because wisdom literature teaches us that we should guard your heart for from it flow the issues of life.

Everything that matters, that's important to us impacts our, heart.  If the, heart, is injured, broken or unhealthy because the, heart, plumps the pumps the blood. The, heart, pumps the influence of that thing to your spirit and to your soul and to your body.

So, when we talk about the, transformation, then it's holistic and God is always at work in our lives trying to move us to a place of wholeness in all three of these areas as it pertains to renewal and, transformation.

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Conclusion

As we wrap up how can listeners connect with Mt Hermon Ministries Fort Myers? Tell us about your books and how we can connect on social media.

You can connect with our ministry, we are currently streaming on YouTube and Facebook at MT Hermon Ministries. You can join us Sundays at 11 a.m. you can go to our website.

https://www.mthermonministries.org/ to get some information on our ministry.

 

I am the author of three books:

https://www.amazon.com/JUSTICE-Nations-William-L-Glover/dp/0982910592

  • The justice book which is about your community of faith finding relative relevance as a

change agent in your community

  • 30 Days of Excellence which is a 30-day devotion that cultivates habits of excellence in your life and
  • Ready for the Harvest which teaches us how to apply the principle of seed time and harvest in our lives and all these can be found on Amazon.

You can contact me personally at [email protected]

My Spiritual Father Helped in the Renewing of My Mind

I enjoyed the conversation, so thank you like we've known each other for 14 years let me also state how proud I am of you forging the way.  I remember when you began this journey and witnessing your evolution and growth.  Witnessing how God is enlarging your territory, makes me very proud.  I want to encourage you to continue that journey.

Myrna –  Thank you Pastor and I’ll share something publicly with you that when I wrote my book and you said that you're proud of me, it brought tears to my eyes because it was the first

Time someone told me that. My father had never said he was proud of me.

As my spiritual father thank you so much for saying that I appreciate it. God sent me to you specifically I didn't share our story of how I came to be under your guidance, but our connection has a purpose.

Thank you for tuning in to the Transform your Mind to Transform your Life radio podcast and television show.  If you are um listening on iTunes I would love for you to subscribe, rate and review.  I also want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach.

 

Until next time sending you all Blessings

Additional Resources

How to Reprogram your Unconscious Mind

 

The Best Marriage Advice for Wives to Fix a Broken Marriage

Can you fix a broken marriage? Laura Doyle best selling author of the Surrendered Wife and the Empowered Wife gives us , marriage advice, on how to get your, husband's, attention and affection.

My guest today is New York Times best-selling author Laura Doyle.  Laura is the author of “The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets For Attracting Your Husband's Time Attention and Affection” she’s also a relationship coach and a podcaster.

If you're in any kind of situation right now where you're needing some tips to get through a, bad marriage, and need some, marriage advice, This is the episode for you.  Be sure to download and listen to the full audio interview, because I’m understanding the pandemic has put a lot of strain on some, marriages.  We're going to be giving you, marriage advice, to get you over the hump.

Download full Interview Here:

Secrets For Attracting Your Husband's Attention Introduction

You know, marriages, are always an, ebb and flow, so if you're in the ebb right now, we want to offer, marriage advice, help you out.

New York Times Bestselling Author Laura Doyle was the perfect wife…until she got married. When she told her husband how to be tidier, more romantic, and more ambitious, he avoided her. So, she dragged him to, marriage counseling, and nearly divorced him.

Laura’s mission today is to offer, marriage advice, to end world, divorce. She is the founder of the international relationship coach training school Laura Doyle Connect, the star of Empowered Wives on Amazon Prime, the Creator of The Ridiculously Happy Wife program, the host of The Empowered Wife Podcast and she has appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America and The View.

She has given, marriage advice, to over 15,000 women fix their, relationships–even the hopeless ones– without their husband’s effort. But the thing that Laura is most proud of is her gratifying 31-year marriage with her hilarious husband John, who she says has been dressing himself since before she was born.

The Empowered Wife

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Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

Can a wife fix her broken marriage?

Myrna – Let's dive right in.  One of the first questions about, marriage advice,  I want to ask you is. How can a, wife, single-handedly bring a boring or broken, marriage, back to life?

Laura – There was a time when I would have been like Hell no, she can’t, because I had been trying myself for years with no success. I read all the books, got tons of, marriage advice, and I did what they said.  I dragged my, husband, to, marriage counseling, because I thought well then the, marriage counselor, can fix him and then I will finally be happy!

I told myself, I think that is how it works.  I am pretty sure how it works! Of course it didn't work at all.  My, husband, and I were having wall-to-wall hostility and cold wars at my house, which is where there's no talking for days and it's just uncomfortable and tense.

You're kind of avoiding each other and it was very painful and lonely. I wanted to have a great relationship with my, husband, so bad, but it just eluded me. I had thought that he was a great guy when I married him, but this is seven, eight, nine years in and I thought I married the wrong guy.  In fact, we went to, marriage counseling, for like over a year and spent nine thousand dollars and nothing changed. I remember I was sitting on the, marriage counselors, gray couch when I realized my, marriage, was not gonna work.  I’m gonna have to get divorced.  My, husband, is never going to change. I'm either going to spend the rest of my life in a, loveless marriage, or else I'm going to have to just move on.

What Marriage advice would you give: Should a wife stay or go?

I decided I would get a, divorce, but, there was just one problem, I was too embarrassed to get a, divorce, because all my relatives and friends had been to the wedding and I didn't want them to know that we were struggling.  We would show up at parties after we'd had a big blow up in the car and put on the fake face.

So, I started doing research. I’d been a journalism major in school so, I thought I’m going to get, marriage advice, from other, wives, who have a, happy marriage, for at least at least 15 years; because that seemed like a really long time to be married to me at the time!

I’m going to ask them for, marriage advice, and what their secrets are and then whatever they say, I’m going to do. I'll just experiment with it and if it works great,  I’ll keep it and if it doesn't work,  I’m going to throw it out.

These married women gave me, marriage advice,  I didn't even understand.  It didn't make sense to me.  I thought they were going to say “You have to pick the right man” but they didn't. They said things like:

  • I try never to criticize my husband no matter how much it seems like he deserves it.
  • I was like, you got anything else?

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Marriage Advise #1 to have a happy marriage

I was desperate enough to start doing some of the things these, wives, suggested. I remember it was not that long afterwards that I came through the front door from work or somewhere and when my, husband, saw me, face lit up. He was happy to see me!

I thought to myself, something's working, this is working!  I got really excited, I got very hopeful. But then not that long afterwards, we were driving down the street in the car and we had another blow up. I was so discouraged, I was hoping this wasn't going to happen anymore, because now I knew what to do. It wasn't that hard, it was just new.

Over time I got the, marriage, I always dreamed.  My, husband, went back to making bedroom eyes at me again.  He would just grab me at the waist, I’d be passing him in the hall, and he would just pull me in for a kiss! We were laughing together again and now 31 years later, I still get to enjoy my, husband.

Marriage Advice # 2 Make your Husband feel like a man

Myrna – It does feel like a miracle. It turns this is, how to fix a, broken marriage, by changing our behavior towards our, husbands. The first secret is to not criticize our, husband; instead, make your, husband, feel like a man.

Laura – I would say the first secret and , marriage advice, was shocking for me, and I really had a very hard time getting to this, because I think as a woman, I felt like I was doing all the work. I was paying all the bills and doing more housework and I was making more money.  We think, why should I do any more work?  I'm already doing all the work in this relationship.

A big secret in that most people don't know it is that women are actually the keepers of the relationship.

I mistakenly thought that being angry was gonna make my, husband, see how he should shape up. I thought if I give him the silent treatment or yell at him or even if I’d sit down and nicely tell him all the things he was doing wrong, he will change!  It doesn’t work.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Marriage Advice # 3 Express your desires

Now I’ve learned this little secret which is that if I just express my desires in a way that inspires, I get a completely different response. Eg. I would say “John I would love a clean kitchen right”  and the kitchen would be in the same shape that it always was when I would be complaining about it, but this time he would say, “okay I’ll clean it!

Myrna – That’s interesting that you didn't ask a direct question. I heard that women always think that men are mind readers, and they don't state their desires clearly, they always expect the men to read their minds.  Instead of saying this kitchen is a mess, instead ask for help, John can you help me clean the kitchen.

Laura – If you say “John can you help me with the kitchen” maybe that wouldn't work either, because then it's like a direct order and, husbands, don't like orders from their, wives.

Myrna – You are correct. Yet, they say we are the  difficult ones!

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Marriage Advice #4 Don't be the boss of your husband

Laura – It's funny that you say that, because I think that's a very common, marriage advice, that you hear. Ask for what you want, but you can come off like his boss or his mother.

Husbands, are not sexually attracted to their mothers.

 

Their mother probably used to say “take out the trash” or “put your dish in the sink.”

What are some of the intimacy skills you teach in your book?

Myrna – you also talk about six, intimacy skills. What are they?

Laura – The first, marriage advice, to get to, intimacy, is to bring down the boss-like attitude into softness. One of the best, intimacy skills,

that I was pretty excited to learn about was and this is the best, aphrodisiac, on the planet for men and it's free and it works fast!  I got this from the other, wives, who were, happily married.

 

The best, aphrodisiac, on the planet for men is respect.  It is like oxygen for men.

 

I think when people hear, surrendered wife, they think subservient or obedient or whatever, that's not me. I'm a feminist, I'm well educated, I don't do obedient. My opinion counts, but I started to get a superiority complex. I would see my, husband, make a mistake and I'd be like I'm probably better at this. I better show him how to do things.

 

  • I better help him be more ambitious.
  • I better help him be more romantic.
  • I better help him learn how to load the dishwasher the right way.

Marriage advice # 5 do not disrespect your husband

Like these things are so important! I did not know I was so disrespectful.  I was helpful in, wife, language, but disrespectful in, husband, language.  So, one of the chief phrases that I use now is

“I apologize for being disrespectful when I criticized you just now.” and I stop.

 

That's a key part of that cheat phrase, you have to just stop because otherwise if you just go explaining it kills it.

I don't really want to be disrespectful.  I don't want to be that nagging, controlling, shrewish wife who thinks she knows more than her, husband, or that she is better than her, husband. That, wife, is lonely.

Conclusion Empowered Wife

Myrna – Let’s talk about your book The Empowered Wife and where can we get it.

Laura – As I mentioned there's six, intimacy skills, we only talked about 3 of them today. The book lists them all and it's just so nice to have all the training right there laid out in front of you.  Which is all laid out in the Empowered Wife, but I have something really fun going on right now too that you can download for free on my website at www.lauradoyle.org.

It's called the, Adored Wife, Road Map. This lays out the steps to becoming an, Adored Wife, which let's face it, don't we all want to feel like, Adored Wives? I also talk about the three mistakes that almost every, wife, seems to be making when they're trying to get their, husband's, attention or his affection.  You're trying to make things more passionate; you just want him to spend some time with you, these mistakes will backfire on you.  In the map I talk about what to do instead.  So you can download that at www.lauradoyle.org.

Additional Resources

Does Love have a Color: The Interracial Marriage Experience