Category Archives: child abuse

How to Manage Compulsive Behaviors

Millions of people suffer from at least one of the, compulsive behaviors, Compulsive shopping, Compulsive eating, Hoarding, Compulsive sexual behavior.

—often, even when the individual wishes they could stop—despite the fact that the act triggers negative outcomes, leads to interpersonal conflicts, or damages mental health.

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Introduction to Compulsive Behaviors

Common activities that can develop into compulsions include, compulsive  shopping, hoarding, eating, gambling, sex, and exercise. Though some behaviors are easier to over-indulge in than others, in reality, nearly any behavior has the potential of becoming a, compulsive behavior. Some people even talk compulsively, for instance.

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There are also obsessive compulsive disorder, in which a compulsive person performs certain behaviors to relieve underlying anxiety or other negative emotions. A well-known example is a person who checks and rechecks everything—if the stove is turned off, for instance, or if the door is locked.

These behaviors rarely decrease anxiety in the long run; in most cases, they only provide temporary relief. In extreme cases, compulsive behaviors start to take over the person's work, home, and social life, at the expense of normal activities.

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How are Compulsive Behaviors and addictions connected?

Compulsive behaviors, have a genetic effect and are often seen in identical twins. I know 17 year old identical twin girls who came into the foster care system at 4 years old and have had trauma. I attributed their, compulsive behaviors, to genes from their biological parents and environment from their early years in foster care. They started, compulsive behaviors, like stealing  from about 5 years old, as they grew older that transformed into, compulsive shoplifting, then they started running away and couldn't stop, now they are compulsively, hoarding.

Compulsion behaviors,  often arise after stressful events, trauma, or abuse as we have seen in our study of addictions. When people engage in, compulsive behaviors, they become trapped in a pattern of repetitive actions or senseless thinking from which it can be difficult to break free.

Treatment is often key for overcoming, compulsive behaviors.

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How does normal behavior turn into,  Compulsive Behaviors?

As far as the brain is concerned our rewards are reward important,  so regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience and you know that there's a
reward and people who indulge in , compulsive behaviors,  like gambling,  eating,  sex, and shopping,  become trapped in the reward system of dopamine.

Types of Compulsive Behaviors

Compulsive behaviors, come in many forms, all of which can be quite debilitating or even dangerous.

Hoarding, for instance, are those who are unable to part with even the most worthless possessions. Many hoarders find the act of purging so distressful that they live under extremely crowded and potentially harmful conditions.

  • Compulsive shopping,
  • Compulsive eating
  • Over exercising
  • Hoarding
  • Compulsive cleaning

Compulsive Hoarding,   is a psychiatric disorder which involves the accumulation of personal possessions to the point at which these accumulations interfere with your quality of life to a significant degree. The acquisition of “things” and failure to throw away unneeded objects can result in only mild symptoms of a cluttered home to a home which is too unsanitary for healthy living. At the current time, it's thought that between two and six percent of the population is living with some degree of hoarding disorder.

  • Compulsively taking selfies and posting on social media
  • Compulsive sexual behavior or sexual addiction

What negative triggers enable Compulsive Behaviors like Hoarding.

The brain tricks us into thinking that we need the reward so we perform the, compulsive behavior, to re up the Dopamine
I know that as humans we move towards pleasure and away from pain. In my role as parent with kids who have, compulsive behaviors. These behaviors are cemented because they engage the reward centers of the brain.

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How does one break that reward system for, Compulsive Behaviors?

Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.

“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges.  With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection. Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations.  Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.

Sex Addiction Treatment

Let’s look at, compulsive sexual behavior, or sexual addiction. Sexual addiction, is represented by, compulsive behavior,  in commonly available sexual practices, such as

  • Attending strip clubs,
  • Compulsive masturbation,
  • Paying for sex through prostitution,
  • Excessive use of pornography,
  • and repeated engagement in extramarital affairs.

Compulsive sexual behavior, otherwise known as sexual addiction, is an emerging psychiatric disorder that has significant medical and psychiatric consequences. Until recently, very little empirical data existed to explain the biological, psychological, and social risk factors that contribute to this condition. In addition, clinical issues, such as the natural course and best practices on treating sexual addictions, have not been formalized. Despite this absence, the number of patients and communities requesting assistance with this problem remains significant. This article will review the clinical features of compulsive sexual behavior and will summarize the current evidence for psychological and pharmacological treatment.

Dr Ahia What forms of, Sex Addiction Treatment, would you administer to someone suffering from, compulsive sexual addiction?

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How would you treat a youth that had the compulsion for taking selfies or even shoplifting?

Additional Resources for, Compulsive Behaviors

https://myhelps.us/childhood-sexual-trauma-and-addiction/

https://myhelps.us/drug-alcohol-treatments-women-with-trauma/

https://myhelps.us/call-me-an-addict-child-abuse-statistics-p3/

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question how does rejection by a natural mother affect the child's self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.

In her book  “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother's Abandonment And Abuse.” Traci Thomas shares her story and how she got to the other side.

Here is Traci's story:

On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it's such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be.   It nonetheless served such a  great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following.  It's one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively.  It's one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand.  When you suffer from, abandonment, you're in your own community and it's isolating; but yet you're so powerful at the same time.

With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment,  and it is a challenge, it's a lot to muddle through.  However, once you get through it, and you're on the other side, there's nothing you can't do.  So in my situation, it's like a head of bipartisan.  I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time.  I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old.  That's when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968.  I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States.  Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement.  That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.

I do remember one particular time my, mother,  did quote, unquote kidnap me.  She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she's so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me.  She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that's okay and that's what I explained in the book.  It's perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is.  It's a supernatural definition.  I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what's going on.  What's happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you.  It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.

 

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What does Abandonment Issues Mean?

Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.

  • Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
  • Abandonment issues, may stem from  physical (the parent is not present in the child's life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
  • Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance.  Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.

I want to comment on something you said that's a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water.  Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don't think they're good enough.

When you feel, abandoned, it's not your imagination.  When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It's this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you're a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can't wait to get you off the phone.  When you're in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.

Podcast interview Questions: Reflection, 4, Rejection

What was your Objective in writing “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother's , Abandonment, And Abuse.?

On, reflection, once you've been in a situation where you've made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips,  anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive.  It's toxic, and it's unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards.  You literally feel as if you've been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.

You're in tears and you're shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you've got to kiss every behind in the universe.  You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I'm not good enough, there's something wrong with me. That's why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That's why I engineered and composed the book.

My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn't want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.

Power is something you take, nobody gives you power.  You snatch power.

So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing,  is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned,  in hindsight. Let's  really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second.  If you really do this it's not hard at all, you won't have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins.   Kissing this one's tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother,  love you, trying to buy this person,  begging for love, please love me, please like me.  You don't have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It's not necessary. I'm trying to save somebody 50 years.

Abandonment, from Relationships

Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected,  period?  I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned,  are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents.  Men can reject you, your friends can reject you,  jobs can fire you.  Is this information transferable?

I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a  child and a natural, mother.  This ironically is not, rejection,  and if you read the book you'll totally comprehend what I'm speaking about.  The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you.  The natural, mother, doesn't even know you.  How can somebody reject you when they don't even know you?  That makes absolutely no sense.

I've seen that the trauma that it is caused in young  lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it's kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn't reject you because she doesn’t know you.  If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side.  That's good, I like that spin.

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What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?

I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.

What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?

It would be in their best interest even if they don't get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book.  It's their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not.  I mean that's their choice; but with that being said.

Don't ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth.  Don't do that. Don't ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.

I know you talked about your natural mother not  really rejecting you because she didn't know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?

My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating.  He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling.  So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.

I'm not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass.  I can't really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers,  who have gone through the same episode and they didn't react that way.

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Abuse and Abandonment

  • One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach.  At those times were you ever angry?

What's so interesting is that I got angry at the end.  Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what's so flabbergasting to me is  that I didn't get angry and livid until the very end.  I wasn't angry at her, I was angry at me for participating.  I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration,  the hurt, the pain, the disappointment,  the monotony, and the redundancy.

Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you're at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you're free.

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How did you handle Rejection and Reflection?

When you read the book  you'll completely understand what's going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Your, mother, didn't reject you, she can't reject you because she doesn't know you.

Yes, I understand what you're saying.  After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side,  you feel empowered like you can walk on water.  Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.

Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children  in many ways.

Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5

5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

https://myhelps.us/confidence/

Childhood trauma, #8

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.

https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.

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Additional Resources 

Uninvolved parenting, sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting, is a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child's needs. Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-uninvolved-parenting-2794958

Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.

https://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/abuse-and-neglect-to-children-in-a-divorce-261.shtml

Healing Childhood Traumas with LOVE

When we have, childhood traumas, our natural responses are shut down. We are not able to fight or flee.  This activates our, stress hormones. It changes our body and puts us into a sympathetic state, to ready us to  fight, flight or freeze; but when we can't, when we're impaired, we have to stay frozen in that situation.

Our body's, stress response, does not shut off. Our hormones continue to be elevated. And so, what happens over time, if we are constantly experiencing that stress over and over, it changes our biology.

In this episode Mandy Harvey shares her, LOVE Methodology, to help us return to the parasympathetic state.

Download the podcast here:

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/12706911-healing-childhood-trauma-with-love.mp3?download=true

Mandy's childhood trauma

Myrna: How did you get into coaching?

Mandy: I got into this work because of my own trauma and my own healing process. I grew up in trauma.  I was just kind of born into it. I grew up in a home with a single mother who had her own traumas, and as a result that affected my experience with the world. She sometimes was there and sometimes she wasn't. There wasn't always love.

She often had men in the house that were very abusive and that abuse was often directed towards me. She remarried a couple of times in my childhood, but at the age of 14, she and the man that she was married to, took their lives, and it was a result of me coming forward sharing with a counselor at school what had been going on in my home as it related to sexual abuse, and emotional abuse.

Myrna: Wow. Similar to my story,

Mandy: So, my whole world instantly changed. I was placed in a home with family members, and, still kind of grew up with family, but I was very deeply affected as you can imagine by that experience. That was the start of therapy for me. And I spent a couple of years in therapy doing, EMDR therapy, work. Really processing the grief, and the guilt, because I felt very guilty.

Myrna; It was just about to ask you that but was gonna wait for you to finish. But yeah, I mean, gosh, that's huge guilt.

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Feeling guilty for telling

Mandy: I really took on the belief through that guilt, through that process, that I couldn't trust my intuition, that my ability to make a choice for myself would turn out into disaster. And I held that belief for a very long time, throughout my adult years. But as a child I was trying to navigate this guilt and hit a wall. At a certain point, I just couldn't talk about it anymore. My body started to ache. Every day I woke up in pain, physical pain, emotional pain, and I just started to get numb, and number and number and it was just like, I had no relation to the world anymore.

All I could see was this grief. It felt like I was being sucked down into this black hole.  All I could see and feel was just guilt, this pain of suffering, this thought of I just want to be back with my mom, even though it was traumatic, even though it was abusive and neglectful. That's all I knew. And for me that felt like love. As crazy as that sounds.

Myrna: How did you come up with the, LOVE methodology, as therapy.

Mandy: Well, it's something actually it wasn't, it wasn't named love. I named this after a year ago doing this work myself.

There was a moment when my daughter, my youngest daughter, she is someone who exudes emotion from one side of the scale to the other side of the scale from like pure bliss and joy to pure anger and rage. I mean, she has a wide spectrum. And anytime she was over in this rage part of her spectrum, I would get so uncomfortable.

One day she was in a moment of pure temper tantrum screaming she was really mad about something insignificant. And I had my back to her and I was washing the dishes and I could feel like a wave of heat moving through my body. And as I was getting higher and higher,  I could feel the rage. Like I could feel my jaw gets super tight, like, oh my god, I could just scream at her right now. Like she needs to shut up.

And I'm washing the dishes trying to ignore her. And she's just letting loose and finally I turned around, I had a glass in my hand and I threw it at her feet and I said :SHUT UP” she was shocked. That was the first time I'd ever screamed at her. And the look on her face was just fear.

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What is Somatic Experiencing

I started crying. She was crying. She's like, I'm so sorry. I'm a bad person. I didn't mean to upset you, you know like, so we're trying to pick up the glass and I'm crying and thinking like, what is happening? What is going on in me that I immediately revert it like this feeling what is this feeling in my body so I sought out, Somatic Experiencing, therapy work.

Myrna: Did you stop your original therapy at this point?

Mandy: Throughout my adult years, I had been in therapy off and on. So, at this point in time, I had not been to therapy in a while, but over the last 20 years I've been through multiple forms of, talk therapy, processing my abuse, processing the anger towards my mom, processing my childhood over and over again. But this was a whole different level.

And this is why I knew I needed something different because I've been talking about my story for 20 years and I can intellectualize it really simply and be like I know this is why I'm upset and you know that I'm like doing the job for the therapist. Right? But this was like a whole different level of awareness that somehow, I was holding more in my body than I was able to reach through just talking; because our body has a different story than our minds do about what happened to us.

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Releasing childhood traumas with meditation

Myrna: So true, I do this meditation from Dr Joe Dispenza about getting the mind out the body. Actually moving the energy up through the nervous system to the head. It is the Kundalini rising.

Mandy: It makes a lot of sense. We all have traumas that we hold in our bodies, we may not even really be aware of that influence, how we show up our behavior, our thoughts, our actions. But for me, it was once I started that Somatic therapy for about two and a half years. I healed more than I did in the previous 20 years of just talking about it. And it really gave me the tools to understand how to connect to my body, because up to that point. I was like a head, walking around in the world. I had disconnected from my body.

Myrna: So, how do you how do you heal women or help them heal from a stress and trauma using your, LOVE methodology?

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

What is the Love Methodology

Mandy: The methodology called LOVE is an acronym. It's four steps, it stands for:

  • Listen- Listen to the thoughts, the beliefs that you that run through your mind on a consistent basis.
  • Observe – observe where you hold them in. Example your body. Where's the predominant location where you hold that thought of, I'm not worthy, or I'm not good enough or whatever that thought is?
  • V is for validated. So oftentimes, we are not taught to validate our emotions or experiences, which sometimes this is a hard step for people, but this is all about, if I feel that unworthiness in my heart space, you know, it's about teaching people how to have compassion for that part that's feeling very unworthy and very unseen. It's giving them a language to tap into that part of them. So, they can make a connection and start to repair and build trust and heal that part and integrate it back into their core self. Use experience. So, experience, meaning or sorry.
  • E is embrace with love. So, what does that part need? Tune into that part, that's feeling unworthy, that's feeling very heavy in my chest. And I get a validation and say, You're right, I can understand why you feel that way. What is it you need from me right now? That kind of sounds a little weird to talk to ourselves like that. But our bodies full of wisdom and insight into what we need in the moment.

So, if it's like, I need a hug. Let's go find someone who can really give you a hug or give yourself something else. Like I need to just sit outside or maybe take a walk, going to walk Great.  But it's in the process of meeting our needs. In the moment learning how to ask for what we need and meeting those needs starts to build up trust again.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Podvine
Transform Your Mind Podcast Podvine

How to talk to ourselves with LOVE

Someone who's been traumatized and holds a lot of stress and anxiety in their body, and most likely be in a sympathetic nervous system state.  In order for us to heal and go deeper into some of the traumas. We must slowly help our nervous systems to release that trauma.

Myrna: So, what is the language that we're using?

Mandy: Well, the language is a little bit different for everyone. And what I mean by that is, my nervous system talks to me in a very specific way. And that might be different than how your nervous system talks to you. So, this is all about first getting people comfortable with recognizing they have a body that’s feeling.

So, for me, anytime I'm stressed my guts, my stomach gets so bloated and in intense discomfort. And the instant I feel that sensation. It's like a switch. I'm like, oh no, I'm feeling stressed right now. Okay, I need to take a minute to acknowledge that you know, reflect what's really making you stressed right now. Or when I would feel like it wasn't safe for me to speak up. I would feel it in my throat. I would feel like I can't swallow.

Childhood traumas and autoimmune disease

Myrna: What is the connection between, Childhood Traumas, and chronic health disease?

Mandy: Yeah. So, when we're a child, and you know, our natural responses are to fight flight or freeze. And when we're tired if we're in an environment that's abusive, or traumatic, and I'll just use mine as an example, if you are sexually abused, I was not able to fight or flee. This activates our stress hormones. It changes our body and puts us into a sympathetic state, to ready us to do those things and fight flight or freeze but when we can't when we're impaired and we have to stay frozen in that situation.

Our body's natural processes don't shut off. They continue to be elevated. In that stress response. And so, what happens over time, if we are constantly experiencing that stress over and over, it changes our biology, in that we become more sensitive to stress we get stressed faster and faster and faster every time that happens.

And it starts to create this low-grade stress response in our bodies and in our brains and sort of affects not just our physical body, but it changes the neuro chemistry in our brain, because of that constant assault. The, stress hormones, are running through our bodies through childhood and then into adulthood, where we have maybe more responsibilities or even more things that we have to be worried about. And starts to really degrade our system because the, stress hormones, are meant to be short bursts to help us get out of that environment, they're not meant to be long term.

So just like you were saying that inflammation over time, deteriorates our gut health, deteriorates our immune system, deteriorates our ability to digest foods.

The stress response to traumas

Myrna: a little bit more about your work, the LOVE methodology, the soothing way to heal many traumas, tell our listeners where they can connect with you and the kind of trauma that they need help with. Talk about your website, talk about your social media handles, and this is the time where we talk about your work.

Mandy: Awesome. Thank you. Yeah, I do I share that, LOVE methodology, in a few different ways. So, I do corporate speaking, I love to reach out to companies who are interested in helping develop their employees through health and wellness. Helping them manage their stress, learning how to regulate their nervous systems. And in those talks, and in those workshops, I often share this, LOVE methodology, because it's something very simple. You can do even at work. You can do it for five minutes. You can do it longer, but it's an empowering tool that can help you start to take control over experiences that you  feel like you don't have control.

And it can help you try to limit and shift how you are triggered in the workplace. So that's one place in which I share that. And then I also work one on one with people and do healing sessions. And so, in those healing sessions, we will leverage this methodology sometimes in one session. And other times maybe it's introduced over a series of sessions to emphasize that. And then here locally where I'm at I do guided hiking sessions where we hike and heal. I'm in Colorado.

What I would like to share with your audience is on my website, free downloads, video and a workbook that goes over this, LOVE methodology. So that's on the front page of my website. My website is www.Mandylharvey.com. My Instagram is @MandylHarvey

Additional Resources

What is the Connection Between Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease?

How To Heal From Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, survivors abuse drugs because it helps them cope with or block out the traumatic memories.

Today on the Transform your mind podcast, we look at Karmen’s story, from the book “Call me an Addict, War on Women” by Dr Tra Ahia.  First, I want to establish a connection between, Childhood sexual trauma and addiction.

Adults abused as children are reportedly 1.5 times more likely to say they used illicit drugs as compared to individuals who were not abused as children. The age of onset for non-experimental drug use with, Childhood sexual trauma  and addiction, survivors is around 14.

Studies indicate that drug abuse is more common than alcohol use in adolescents who have been sexually traumatized and have found a link to, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, survivors abuse drugs because it helps them:

  • cope with or block out the traumatic memories.
  • deal with feelings of isolation and loneliness.
  • improve feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.
  • cope with mental health problems such as anxietydepression, and PTSD.
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

Karmen’s story of, Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction.

Karmen's story is a little different from Kelly's story in that her, childhood sexual abuse and trauma, did not come from her parents. In fact she said her father loved her and took her everywhere with him. But her brother started beating her up because her father loved her more than him. The beatings progressed to, sexual abuse, and then her father’s girlfriend made her eat her “Peach pie.”

Her brother jumped her into a gang and she started breaking into people's homes, beating them up, robbing them, and selling dope.

She was raped by the gang members at age 14 and started being sexually promiscuous soon after that. She ended up with  2 kids by age 16.

With no money to feed her kids she started taking money from a drug dealer.

He bought her a car, furnished her apartment, and spoiled her and her kids, until he started beating her on the regular and abusing her sexually. Then he started pimping her out. She started getting high every day to cope. She started out using crack and then progressed to heroin.

After spending time in prison for robbery and selling drugs, she became seriously depressed.

She got tired of getting high and tried to commit suicide 4 times. Her story ends with her 5th suicide attempt.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

What lessons can we learn from  Karnen's story of, Sexual Trauma and Addiction?

We learn that Karmen's story showcases sibling rivalry and parents who were not aware and allowed her brother to abuse her sexually and physically.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

You mentioned in our first episode that most addicts can't just go into rehab and in 30 days get clean and never touch drugs again. In reality it is a daily struggle and most times they can't even stay clean for their kids. In your 30 years as an addiction therapist what is the difference in the ones that made it?

I would say two things Desire to stay clean and and a faulty stop and go mechanism in the brain

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Download on Spotify

Arifah as a mental health counselor what do you think is the reason youth with, sexual trauma,  resulting medicate with drugs? Is it different from my list above?

Yes most youth use drugs to fit in and gain confidence.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Dr Tra walk us through how crack cocaine changes the brain.

Crack is a psychological  drug.  Your body thinks you need it; but if you don't take it, you don't go into the sweats. You don't die or even feel pain.

Whereas physiological drugs like opiates, if you don't take these drugs your body goes into withdrawal and you get pain in your body, you get diarrhea, sweats etc.

When it gets into the body, crack acts upon a midbrain structure called the ventral tegmental area (VTA), where a chemical messenger in the brain called dopamine lives [source: National Institutes of Health]. Crack interferes with dopamine, which is involved in the body's pleasure response. Dopamine is released by cells of the nervous system during pleasurable activities such as eating or having sex. Once released, dopamine travels across a gap between nerve cells, called a synapse, and binds to a receptor on a neighboring nerve cell (also called a neuron). This sends a signal to that nerve cell. (Dopamine doesn't actually cause feelings of pleasure but it does influence how pleasure affects the brain, usually by reinforcing a pleasant feeling.) Under normal conditions, once the dopamine sends that signal, it is reabsorbed by the neuron that released it. This reabsorption happens with the help of a protein called the dopamine transporter [source: National Institutes of Health].

Crack interrupts this cycle. It attaches to the dopamine transporter, preventing the normal reabsorption process. As dopamine builds up in the synapse, it continues to stimulate the receptor, creating a lingering feeling of exhilaration or euphoria in the user.

Because crack is inhaled as a smoke, it reaches the brain much faster than inhaled powder cocaine. It can get to the brain and create a high within three to five minutes, compared to the 20 to 30 minutes it takes to feel the effects of snorted cocaine. On the downside, the crack cocaine high lasts about 30-60 minutes, while the cocaine high could last one to two hours [source: American Addiction Centers].

https://science.howstuffworks.com/crack.htm

 

I have a personal experience with crack. I was engaged to a guy who was addicted to crack.  I could never forget, on our second date he casually mentioned that he was a crack addict for 20 years and he was now clean.

I had never had experience with anyone addicted to drugs before, so I took his word at face value.

Needless to say, he was not over crack.  I started to do my research and found that crack makes permanent changes to the brain and an addict has to deal with cravings every day.  My boyfriend was no different.  I had a Limousine service and he drove for me.  One night someone was smoking crack in the back of the limousine and that triggered him.  He disappeared for 4 days with the money from the run.  I had to report the limousine stolen.  He did not come back until all the money was finished. He was a binge smoker, as soon as he got paid he would disappear.  He finally spent one year in the, Salvation Army rehab program.  We broke up.  I don’t know if he managed to stay clean.

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In the crack world a lot of women who are addicted to crack become crack whores and prostitute for drugs, Karmen was no different. It is really interesting that the men addicted to crack still abuse the women addicted to crack so this is really a war on women.

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Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.

“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges.  With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection. Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations.  Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.

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Most children who suffer from, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,  simply fail to recognize, acknowledge, and effectively process this trauma until it manifests in self-destructive ways like self-harm, substance abuse, or the inability to control their emotions.

While both males and females can be affected by, childhood sexual trauma and addiction, the prevalence rate is higher for females. It is estimated that nearly 15 million adolescent girls worldwide have experienced forced sex. According to UNICEF, 

Data from the, Department of Health and Human Services, indicates that almost sixty-thousand children are sexually abused per year in the United States.  This abuse lends itself to, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,  The Department of Justice’s report indicates that 14 percent of all men and 36 percent of all women in prison were abused as children.

 

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Here are some Specific symptoms of, sexual abuse causing, sexual trauma and addiction:
(citation, the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress)

  • Withdrawal and mistrust of adults
  • Suicidal
  • Difficulty relating to others except in sexual or seductive ways
  • Unusual interest in or avoidance of all things sexual or physical
  • Sleep problems, nightmares, fears of going to bed
  • Frequent accidents or self-injurious behaviors
  • Refusal to go to school, or to the doctor, or home
  • Secretiveness or unusual aggressiveness
  • Sexual components to drawings and games
  • Neurotic reactions (obsessions, compulsiveness, phobias)
  • Habit disorders (biting, rocking)
  • Unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Prostitution
  • Forcing sexual acts on other children
  • Extreme  fear of  being touched

 

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Additional Resources, Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://myhelps.us/protecting-your-child-from-sexual-abuse-at-home/

https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://drugabuse.com/crack/effects-use/#targetText=Crack%20Dependency,can%20become%20dependent%20on%20crack.

Side Effects of Crack Cocaine

The fleeting high from smoking crack can be outweighed by a host of negative effects. Though these can vary as widely as the positive effects listed above, commonly reported side effects of, childhood sexual trauma:

  • Irritability.
  • Anxiety.
  • Headache.
  • Depression.
  • Aggressive, paranoid behavior.
  • Abdominal pain.
  • Sudden death due to heart attack or stroke.

 

 

The Circle of Life: Embracing Motherhood

Keshia Morris Desir, my daughter and mom to be interviews me on motherhood.  In my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement I talk about motherhood and how being a mom is my purpose.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11999211-the-circle-of-life-embracing-motherhood.mp3?download=true

Bio

Keshia Morris Desir has a blossoming career in DC. She is an activist working in DC to disrupt the over criminalization of communities of color by investigating and exposing the underlying causes of mass incarceration through a democracy lens.  Getting incarceration money out of politics, and advocating for guaranteed voting rights for everyone, including people serving time in prison. But today she is speaking as my daughter about becoming a mother. She is entering into the second trimester of her first pregnancy.

Keshia: I am super excited to be here with my mother today to interview her on her book, Out of the Snares: A story of hope and encouragement and her chapter on, motherhood.

The very first question I have for you, mom is in your book, you share a bit about the, circle of life, and how your parents were not married when you were born. So, for folks that haven't yet read the book, can you share a little bit about that experience?

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And sign up for this life changing event.  Click the link on the show page blog.myhelps.us
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My circle of life started with poverty and child abuse

Myrna: Yes, I would love to. Out of the Snares, is basically my story. It's the story of me getting out of the snares of, child sexual abuse, poverty, being born in a third world country. And, of course, being born to parents, or who were not married. My mom and my dad hooked up and had sex and I showed up. They weren't even really in a committed relationship. It's one of those things that happened. When I read Oprah’s story I found out that her parents also hooked up just one time and created her.  We were both born for a purpose.

So, I pull that in to my experience, that I was born with a purpose. On that rainy day, all those years ago in Guyana, my mom was alone when I was born because my father was not around. And I feel that coming from that kind of nurturing environment, where my mother was my central figure or my central person. For a long time, it was my mom, it was my grandmother, it was my aunt. These are the people that kind of raised me and as I got a little older, my father came back into my life.

But yes, I learned everything that I know about, motherhood, from my mom and my grandmother and my mom is an amazing mother. She has four children, and she basically single handedly raised them all on her own because the men were not around. She was that unfortunate, the men kept leaving. Your dad and I broke up when you were five years old. So, I have been the most influential person in your life and I took that very seriously.  So, that's basically my introduction to, motherhood.

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The connection between Single mothers and delinquent children

Keshia: As you were speaking, I'm thinking about my work.  And I'm thinking about what usually breeds or is usually the crux of, black families, being involved in the, criminal justice system. Thankfully, none of your brothers and sisters have been involved in the, criminal justice system, and I just want to know, what do you what do you attribute that to? Because often we do hear of, black families, that come from, quote, unquote, broken homes where fathers aren't in the picture.  They get involved in crime, they go down the wrong path, they get involved in the, criminal justice system, somehow. So, what do you attribute your family success to?

Myrna: Excellent question. And I've thought about this a while now, not in Guyana, because we left Guyana as children. So, we weren't old enough to get into the, criminal justice system, in Guyana. But when we were living in Toronto, Canada, we actually lived in the projects. And I have always wondered why my siblings didn’t get involved with the bad crowd.  I've always wondered about that and the only thing that I can come up with was that my mother loved us and we didn’t want to disappoint her. I was speaking to her a couple of weeks back. And it was really interesting what she said. She said to me, you know, I had yawl, and I took any job because I had yawl to feed!

Keshia: Thank you for sharing that mom, it was really helpful to hear that feedback. It was just something that I was thinking about. I'm just gonna turn it back over to you. I think you have something a poem that you'd like to share.

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Motherhood my baby girl is born

Myrna: Yes. Right. So, in my chapter on, motherhood, I start off my book talking about the, circle of life, continues where I was born, and then I dived right into, motherhood, because it was something that was very important to me and made me feel so special. I have two biological children. I was 21 years old when my son was born, and then you my daughter was born on my 30th birthday. So, because she was born on my 30th birthday, she was a girl and a lot of women always want little baby girls. You know, I was tickled pink, in fact, it becomes more special than that. She was conceived for my honeymoon.

So, I came back from my honeymoon, and a couple of weeks later found out that I was pregnant. The immediate response of me learning that I was pregnant was joy. I mean, I didn't know the sex until she came out. But we had a connection from the very beginning. So, in my book, I actually wrote a poem that I want to read to you guys. It says,

Poem my baby girl is here

My greatest blessing showed up on my 30 birthday,

A bundle of joy for born to this world

Six pounds, seven ounces of joy, my birthday gift. Oh, what a toy.

I little girl with curly brown hair, smooth black skin, with the face of an angel.

I shed a tear it was a love affair at first sight.

She reached through my heart and grabbed my soul forever more.

God had given me the desires of my heart, a daughter to adore.

Bird sang, trees swayed, the sun shone brightly, and the heavens opened up and poured out rain.

My baby girl was here. Keshia, her father whispered welcome to my world.

And her mother answered, Glory be to God, let her light shine brightly.

Let her be a delight.

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Myrna: See, I spoke it into existence, you have been a delight. You have been the gift that keeps on giving. A lot of mothers and daughters have special relationships, but we have a relationship that everybody talks about, and it's absolutely amazing.

Keshia: Wow. It's been a while since I've heard that poem. I have a jacket on but if you could see my arms, I probably have goosebumps. I just hope to repeat that, I am heading as you said, into my second trimester. And I have a similar due date as our birthday so yeah, we should be hoping for three peat.

Myrna: Yes, yes. From our mouths to God’s ears.

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Living The Tao Spiritual Podcast

Motherhood: How to protect your kids from sexual abuse

Keshia: Okay. All right. Well, I'm gonna take this conversation a little bit differently. And I'm going to ask you a question, because at the start of this conversation, you started by saying that Out of the Snares is about you coming out of poverty, sexual abuse, and parents not being in the home. And so, we talked a little bit about the, poverty, we talked a little bit about parents not being in the home. But I'm wanting to hear a bit more about your memories of your, child abuse. And in your book, you also talk about how the memories of that, child abuse, came back to you after I was born.  Can you talk a little bit about that? About that time for you as you had me and those memories of, sexual abuse, came flooding back to you.

And then also maybe you want to give some advice to listeners that have experienced, sexual abuse, and have had daughters and now have to feel like they have to protect their child at all costs.

Myrna: Well, thank you Keshia, it's a very important conversation to have. So let me start with me and then I will expand it out. I was, sexually abused, by my godfather.  I called him grandfather and I spent a lot of time at his house. So, that is the first problem that contributes to our black and brown babies getting, sexually abused, because apparently in our community it happens a lot. In my experience, it wasn't a babysitting thing. It was just that, I was always at someone's house. I was at my aunt's house, I was at my grandfather's house and when you're sleeping over at people's houses and there is men around, this is basically what happens.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Mothers also need to protect boys

I read something from Tyler Perry, that was addressing this issue, and he was talking about our community. Most Black mothers don't have money for a babysitter, so they always have the kids go and stay at the uncle dem house and this person's house and all that kind of stuff. And this is basically what happens. Kids are being, sexually abused, by people that come to our homes and even boyfriends.  So, getting back to my, child abuse, I didn’t have any trauma attached to it as it was happening because this person was a loved one and I really loved him.

He showered me with gifts, we were poor, and he was rich. So when this experience was going on, I wasn't traumatized in any way. I mean, I didn't understand what was going on because it started when I was very young age. I didn't understand what was going on until I started having boyfriends at 13 and realized, you've already had sex. These guys are gonna think that you're a tramp.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Past sexual abuse trauma resurfaced after birth of child

That started my whole self-respect phase which worked for me because I was never promiscuous. So, it wasn't very traumatic. When I recognized that it was wrong, I stopped it. There was no big problem. You know what I mean? But then, when you were born, something that I buried came alive and it was very, traumatic. I stopped wanting to have your dad to touch me, I had bad dreams. And whatever it was, clearly it was coming back up. I mean, and it was really an unusual response. Of course, I never went to therapy or anything. I just worked through it, but it started my vigilance of making sure you were not exposed to, sexual abuse.

And my vigilance came with people in my home and where I sent you to sleep over.  Your father and I split up when you were five years old. I made sure that anybody that I'm bringing to the house that I would, make sure I don't leave you alone with that person.  At one point in time, my sister was living with me, and her husband started bathing you. And I immediately put a stop to that.

So these are the ways that you protect your girl children and boy children, because it's not only girls now. But you protect them by knowing who they're coming into contact with.  Our world is becoming really messed up because women are now molesting boys. Tyler Perry, tells a story of how he was molested by a woman and I think even Terry Crews revealed that he was also, sexually assaulted.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Motherhood: Be careful your kids are always watching

In my book, I share my views on, motherhood, and I believe that, motherhood, you are a role model for your kids. I remember you were always watching me. It was an incredible thing, you didn't feel comfortable unless you're in my presence watching and listening, watching and listening. And mothers or fathers, your kids are always listening. They're always watching. So, you can't say “Do as I say it, not as I do.” You've got to do it. You've got to walk the walk. So, I was a role model to you and I taught you things that my mom taught me. For example, to make decisions for yourself.

What do you feel is the role of a mother and how do you plan to embrace, motherhood?

Keshia: Yeah, I mean we've talked a lot about protection, I definitely think that the role of the mom is to protect their cub so to speak. When we watch Animal Planet you always see the mother lion protecting her cub and protecting them from harm.

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The role of a mother

So definitely protection is the, role of a mother, as well as all the other things like:

  • Feed your children not only actual physically feeding, but emotionally feeding, feeding their self-confidence,
  • Teaching them to become contributing members of society
  • Helping them to find their purpose
  • Teaching them to love God
  • And how to survive in life
  • To lead by example, kids are always watching. You want to be able to not only say the important things, but show them the important things as well.

So how am I embracing motherhood? I'm still learning, I am just a few months in but yeah, I have been reading books and I am working towards embracing, motherhood.

It still feels weird. You know, hearing my baby’s heartbeat seeing it via ultrasounds. I mean, it just feels different. I can't even really grasp the words to say like, how does it feel to know that something is living inside of you and living inside of your belly? Right. Something that you have to care for and nurture and protect and be worried for and scared for and love all at the same time. So, it's very humbling. Maybe that's the word.

Circle of life continues connection with baby

Myrna: I didn't hear the word, connection.  Are you connecting to this baby?

Keshia: Thanks for putting me on the spot mom. I don't know if I would say I am connecting with the baby yet. I don't feel connected yet. I did have the feeling that morning that it was a girl even though all along I've been saying they think it's a boy. But that morning I did say yeah, you're a girl. So maybe. Also, the day before I found out that I was pregnant. I said we need a new car and went out and bought a new car that day. Because I'm like we you know, we need a new car for family planning. So, I guess she is speaking to me.

Myrna: She's sending you those signals. Yes, yes. Amazing. All right. Well, listen, Keshia Morris Desir. You did not disappoint. We had an incredible conversation. Thank you for sharing your, motherhood experience, with me and my audience.  Wishing you the best pregnancy and delivery.

Additional Resources

How To Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse

 

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

Childhood Abuse, has continually been linked to substance abuse for women. In this Episode we look at, Drug and Alcohol treatments, for women with trauma, who were abused by men and parents during childhood.

I interview Dr Tra Ahia who is the author of “Call me an Addict, War on Women

Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

She has been recognized as a champion of woman’s issues. Particularly women who have struggled to maintain a positive balance in their lives despite addiction. As the Therapist for women in Rehab for over 30 years, Dr Ahia was responsible for the, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, who turned to substance abuse to as a means to cope with trauma.

Her work in, addiction and recovery, began some thirty years ago and has empowered thousands of women as they transitioned to a healthy place in their lives. Dr Ahia’s research has been a motivating force in moving many broken women away from the men in their lives that lead them down the path of destruction, confusion, and addiction to a place where they are whole mentally, physically and emotionally with, drug and alcohol treatments.

In the book “Call me an Addict” Dr Ahia tells the brutal stories of 3 women.  We will look at one of these women on the blog and podcast on the, Transform Your Mind radio and Podcast with Life Coach Myrna Young.

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This is a summary Kelly's story in the Book “Call me an Addict”

Kelly's first memory at 2 years old was her father punching her in the face for not eating her food.  Then she remembered at 5 years old taking her father’s fingers as she sat on his lap with his friends and sticking them in her vagina!

That was the start of her life that included sex with her father, an alcoholic and abusive mother, promiscuity with men at age 14.

At age 15 her parents gave her away to her boyfriend and moved to another city. She had her first child soon after and was homeless because the boyfriend also moved away to another city and left her to look after a child with no home and no income.

Another man gave her a place to live in return for sex. He ended up marrying her and they had 3 more kids.

Her abuse resulted in her abuse of alcohol and rehab. Her, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, was not successful. She continued to relapse.

Kelly started drinking heavily at 14 years old and used it for escape. It was drinking, sex, and prostitution.

Her story ended with her kids being placed in the custody of child protective services and she being placed in rehab for the 3rd time.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What was so sobering to me hearing this story was how 3 generations were ruined from addictions. Kelly's father and mother were both addicts. She hated them both. She became an addict and then her eldest daughter followed her lifestyle. One of the most profound statements in the story to me was when Kelly said she and her daughter would fight all the time about who was the bigger whore!

As a Life Coach and survivor of child sexual abuse, I can say that the reason my life didn't spin out of control like Kelly's was because even before I knew anything about mindset and the power of intention, I wanted respect. I did not want to be known as a Bad Girl or whore. A girl who is free with sex and all the boys talk about her.

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Free Download: Out of the Snares, How to Heal your Brokenness
Out of the Snares

In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”, I share a similar story about my molester fingering me in his car as he drove me to school. I had the mindset to become a player in this game of life and not become a victim. You see victims have no power. Like Kelly she was powerless to stop her father from molesting her. In fact, another sobering part of her story was when she told her father “No” and he returned with the handle of a mop and stuck it up her ass. He told her with that move that she was nothing more than his bitch and he could do with her anything he wanted.

But we as women always have power!

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Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

Women are placed in Rehab facilities either by the Police, their families or sometimes they walk in on their own accord

Rehab facilities are an intensive in house process

As the in house Therapist my job was to administer, drug and alcohol treatments to these women with trauma, by helping them to learn from their addictions.

These Therapy sessions were conducted one on one and their, drug and alcohol treatments, were first understanding how they got to that point in their lives.

They first had to accept that they were addicts

These, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were 30 days to 6 months and sometimes even years

Most people including families do not understand that, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were not miracle drugs, these women were trying to get over abuse from their childhood.  They can't be cured in 6 months when they had these traumas for 10, 20 even 30 years.

After the intensive in house, addiction and recovery, treatments these women continue their, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, in an half way house for about one year.  In this house they are expected to remain clean, get jobs, practice self love and self care  and become contributing members to their community.

For more information on Dr Tra Ahia's work and to pick up a copy of her book visit her on the web at www.forlifeservices-cc-com

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Here are some of the Symptoms from Childhood Sexual Trauma Resulting in Addiction.

PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by a traumatic event. Symptoms can emerge months or even years after the sexual trauma. Some common symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, intense distress when exposed to sights, sounds, or smells that trigger memories of the trauma, and bodily reactions when reminded of the trauma.

Dissociation

Dissociation, often associated with PTSD, is feeling disconnected or dissociated from one’s body. It can affect a person’s ability to focus, concentrate and function for periods of time. In an effort to detach from the sexual trauma, people learn to numb themselves from the pain. Dissociation is often referred to as avoidance coping, because survivors use it as a mechanism to escape and pull away from their past.

The Road to Recovery

The recovery from sexual trauma is a healing journey that takes time. Children who have been traumatized by sexual abuse often report feelings such as shame, terror, depression, and guilt. They often blame themselves for the abuse. Although drugs and alcohol can give survivors a moment of reprieve, there are dangerous risks and high costs to that emotional escape.

Sexual abuse not only leaves emotional and psychological scars, but it can lead to dangerous risk-taking behaviors, like using drugs. Substances are only a temporary fix and they can’t erase the past. Fortunately, dark moments don’t have to last, and drugs don’t have to cover unhealed wounds. Survivors can learn healthy coping skills and become a beacon of encouragement and hope to other youth who travel a similar path toward healing.​

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Additional Resources for Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://launchcenters.com/treatment/

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/blog/the-link-between-child-abuse-and-substance-abuse

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/drug-addiction/related-topics/connection-child-abuse/#gref

 

https://myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://myhelps.us/protecting-your-child-from-sexual-abuse-at-home/

https://myhelps.us/surviving-r-kelly-mindset-sexual-predator/

Why God Won’t Let You Die Before Your Time

 In this episode I talk with Wytisha Williams.  Wytisha's mother tried to take her life at 5 years old, she was molested by her biological father and she attempted suicide several times, but God won't let her die before she achieved her purpose. Her purpose is to help those who are suffering under the weight of depression, pain, or suicidal thoughts, to become their voice; that is why she wrote the book He Wouldn't Let Me Die

Download the podcast here 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11847922-why-god-won-t-let-you-die-before-your-time.mp3?download=true

Bio

Wytisha Williams is a Mental Health Counselor/ PLPC born in Louisiana. She is also a disabled United States Army Veteran and transformational speaker. She coined the word Mind Empowerment which was inspired by the understanding that every challenge begins and ends with the mind. She created the character M.E. who is a white eagle with a crown and cape that represents her brand which signifies a person soaring above the obstacles that were meant to destroy any person.

The crown signifies being a conqueror of adversity and the cape represents being a superhero to oneself. Wytisha knows to defeat any challenge you must empower, equip and properly nurture the mind. She is also the author of HE WOULDN’T LET ME DIE!: To not walk in the purpose that you were given life for is a life not worth living.

Myrna: You start off your book summary with the following statement “This book is based on a series of true events such as the gruesome experience of a mother trying to murder her child, while the same child endures, sexual abuse, by their biological father.” So can you share your story with us please.

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My story of trauma and dysfunction

Wytisha: My life growing up was pretty much a life full of dysfunction. Severe, trauma, because the two people that actually brought me into this world, the most important people in my life, caused me the most, trauma. At age five, my mother tried to take my life. And then around the same age, I had an experience of, molestation, with my biological father. So, growing up, enduring so much, trauma, and it wasn't just in the household, I suffered a lot of unfair and unjust treatment through from my family members.

So as a child, I did not understand what was taking place and so many different things, so many different what I would call spirits were a part of my life that I lacked, self-esteem. I also endured some of the same abuse and unfair treatment, and bullying in school. I then begin to lash out and react in a way that was uncontrollable, which resulted to me being in a part of the judicial system in a negative manner, becoming a juvenile delinquent, which later kind of trickled over to my adulthood.

But, I always had a feeling that there was something better out there for me. I wanted to get out of Louisiana, so I actually attended college for a year but after still not addressing that, trauma, not receiving help for those childhood traumatic events; all of that stuff that was suppressed and deep down inside. I was still getting into trouble with the law. So, I decided to go into the, United States military. However, when you don't deal with, childhood trauma, it only manifests in a different manner, or a different way.

So, my behavior became quite severe while I was serving active duty and I was required by my chain of command to receive therapy and address issues that I had endured during my childhood. So that led to me receiving therapy. And that's when I developed a passion for therapy. It actually planted a seed inside me and motivated me to want to be that voice for people that suffer inside. So, I began the journey of becoming a therapist.

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How the Military helped with my trauma

Myrna: Wow. You know, as you tell the story, I know that you're healed from it, because I'm not picking up any residual effects of, trauma. So, you have released it. That’s awesome.  It looks like you were also injured in the, Military, and became a, disabled veteran. What happened there?

Wytisha: Not trying to go into too much detail. Being an active-duty soldier, I've endured multiple conditions within my body. And it's so funny because when people see me, from outward appearance, they're like, oh, where are you disabled? I have I have so much pushback when I go to get my disabled pay. When I go to get my certifications, and any type of discount. You know, I get so much pushback because I don't look disabled. What I continue to do is educate people on is every disability is not visual, you can't always see every disability, having, mental illness, that's considered a disability, and you can't see it.

Myrna: True, I know what you're talking about. PTSD, which is a disability, you can’t see that either.  What inspired you to write the book and share your story, and why did you pick such an amazing title?

He Wouldn't Let Me Die!: To Not Walk in the Purpose that You Were Given Life for is a Life Not Worth Living.

Book He Wouldn't let me die
Book He Wouldn't let me die

God won't let me die after several suicide attempts

I know from your bio, that you tried to commit, suicide, several times. So, let's talk with that your now. Is that the reason you wrote the book, you named your book, He wouldn't let me die?

Wytisha: Absolutely, yes, the title coincides with me trying to take my life. Like I say it was, trauma, from the very beginning of my childhood. Yeah, I tried try multiple times to, commit suicide. I did not want to be here, because I just felt hopeless. I felt like I wasn't worthy of love. I felt like nobody loved me. And I always felt that I was alone. And throughout so much, trauma, and always just being picked on in the home at the school in the community. I'm just like, I've never understood why every time I go somewhere, somebody wants to abuse me.

So, when I say my self-esteem was just little to none. The title also ties into people trying to take my life. I'm speaking about, you know, my mother, the giver of life other than my Creator. Her trying to take me out at the age of five. And then you know, I even talk about in my book, another near death experience that I faced with another family member at the age of seven. So, it was like doing the whole entire time of my childhood someone was trying to take me life.  When I just looked back over my life, God wouldn't let me die. So, that's where the title came from. The enemy has been trying to take me out since birth. You know and he wouldn't let me die.

Myrna: Why did you write the book?

Wytisha: I'm in a place now where I can actually tell the story holistically without any bitterness or without any type of anger or resentment. My book is basically to help others. So, what started happening to me is I could not sleep and it was like a spiritual thing. It was like God just kept telling me look, you overcame this. There are so many people that do not overcome, trauma. There are so many people that that has attempted to, commit suicide, and has accomplished it and they're no longer here to tell the story.

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God wouldn't let me die until I shared my story

And so as a therapist, I talked to so many people that experienced, trauma, abuse, molestation, sexual assault, and they will not talk it. about that mean they will not come for free. God just kept telling me you have to release book, because your story is going to help others heal and transform. And honestly, I've fought against it for so long because I did not want to verbalize it or disclose it.  So, I had to get to a place where I told myself it's not about you. It's about the people that you are going to help.

Myrna: That's amazing. You know, as you were talking, I was trying to think about what your parents thought about your book?

Wytisha: I don't have a relationship with either one of my parents especially since the book has come out. Like I said, I don't have any resentment towards them and I try to make it clear to so many people.  And honestly, I wish that we could have actually gone on this journey together. I know that both of my parents experienced, trauma, there was some things that happened to both of them in order for them to do to me what they did. So, when I became older, I began to understand that it didn't it begin with me, it didn't begin with them. Somewhere along the line something took place. And so, I'm so adamant about finding answers.

So I did ask both of my parents what happened? Let's talk about this thing. But their like whatever happened, it happened and we're not going to talk about it.

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Holding your parents accountable

Myrna: Well, they're probably not holding any accountability, because they were never, arrested or charged or anything. So, they're going to say that what you're saying is not true. They're not going to admit it. But yes, you have to talk about it. And a lot of people wait until their parents die actually, before they come out and talk about these things because they know how it's gonna affect the family. So, I give you kudos for being brave enough to talk about it now, so that you can help other people.

As for your parents, it's very true. Hurt people hurt people. It didn’t start with you, something happened to your parents. That's the reason they abused you. They should go on a journey of healing and they should ask your forgiveness, to be quite honest, and they should do that before they die.  Have you forgiven them?

Wytisha: I don't have any ill will towards them as people. I can’t say that I have forgiven them.

Myrna: You're doing great. We're talking about some very difficult things here and you're doing great. Excellent, let’s switch to, mental health awareness. You talk about being on the wrong side of the judicial system, serving in the, military, and now being a Therapist. Which one of these roles helped you the most with your, mental health, and, mind empowerment? .

Wytisha: All where necessary, the combination of every last milestone every less accomplishment is what actually has helped me to this point. The experience of me being on the wrong side of the judicial system actually helps me when it comes to counseling, because I can also counsel and help individuals that had been incarcerated. I actually work in a correctional facility, so I can relate on those issues.

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Helping veterans with military trauma and sexual trauma

I can also help and assist other, veterans, that are suffering from, PTSD, or any other type of, military trauma, any type of military, sexual trauma, you know, things of that nature. And being a therapist, of course, the one of the best techniques and counsel that you can put there is empathy, being able to empathize, being able to relate to a client, because it's one thing when you have an education, education is great, but most people they identify when the limitations of education.

When you sit down and you can actually listen to a person and then you can relate and understand and then also give them recommendations or help or resources that you have also utilized for yourself or apply to your own life. That takes it to another level.

Myrna: So true. One of my coaching clients told me that she would not go to a life coach that hasn't gone through the same experience that she wants help with, because she doesn't want anybody tell her stuff that they haven't gone through. This is why a lot of my coaches and even therapists always help clients with the issues they've overcome.

What do you want readers to walk away with after they put the book down? What is the goal of your book?

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The goal of Book: He Wouldn't Let me die

Wytisha: The goal of the book is to help others that have been through the same experience. Understand that as you say, and I love the way that you put it that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know by being a therapist, there are so many people that are still stuck in there, childhood trauma. And a lot of it comes from not wanting to talk about it, not being able to talk about it. So, I always tell people that this book was to basically be the voice for people that suffer in silence.

I want this book to be able to reach people in every nation, because I've shared it's not about gender. It's not about race. It's not about the creed. It's not about social economics, because we all on some level has experienced some type of, trauma.

It doesn't matter if it was psychological, mental, emotional, you know, and I shared this before. I mean, you can experience, trauma, as small as your parent making you tie your shoes 100 times a day and when you become an adult you no longer want to wear shoes with laces. Or your, trauma, can be as severe as the abuse I suffered, sexual abuse, and physical abuse.

I want people to be able to read this book and say if she did it, I can do it too. If she overcame it, I can overcome it too. And I just want to be that voice and I want to be that witness that you can overcome it. You can overcome it, that the, trauma, does not control you. It does not have to control you, you can find a way to heal and find a purpose and find joy, peace and happiness through all that you endure. And you have to be willing to let go of the pain.

Conclusion

We all want to learn, how to die.  When life is no longer fun for us we sometimes want to, die.

Myrna: How can people connect with you on social media and pick up a copy of your book?

Wytisha: You can pick up a copy of my book He Wouldn't Let Me Die!: To Not Walk in the Purpose that You Were Given Life for is a Life Not Worth Living

On amazon.com. You can reach me on Facebook Wytisha Williams and also Instagram @WytishaRisingPhoenix.

Additional Resources 

https://myhelps.us/reflection-4-rejection-mothers-abandonment/

What is the Connection between Sexual Abuse and Addiction?

Child Abuse, and, sexual abuse,  Statistics, show a connection between, child abuse, Mental Health, addiction, and depression.
In her book “Call me an addict, war on Women” By Dr Tra Ahia. shares Kreta's story of, child abuse, and sexual abuse, that started with her biological mother. I think this is very rare. Kreta said her mother was a sick person. Her, child abuse, was by her mother. Her mother used to make her kids do sexual acts on her boyfriend and her. Her mother and boyfriend also had sex in front of her and her brothers and sisters. This, abuse, started when she was about 4 years old.
Listen to the full interview here:

Kreta's story of, sexual abuse

Kreta was raped by an older boy around the age of 7.

Kreta's, child abuse, started when she was only 8 or 9 years old when she started smoking weed, crack and sniffing blow. As she got older when she didn't have money, she would perform sexual acts for coke.

Even though she was a good student in school she started ditching school to sleep with older men and eventually dropped out of school.

She started working for a pimp who continued her, sexual abuse, he beat her all the time and had other men rape her and pie on her. After a string of, sexually abusive, relationships She got pregnant several times while still doing drugs. She had two abortions; but decided to keep her third pregnancy – a baby girl.

She went in and out of rehab several times trying to stay clean but always relapsed.

Kreta's story ended the saddest of all 3 stories from the book “Call me an Addict, war Her, strange addiction, was out of control. She got so high one night that she stabbed her baby to death. She got life in prison.

Child Abuse Statistics

  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Illicit drug abuse
  • Smoking & drinking at an early age
  • Depression
  • Suicide attempts

I want to say that Kreta's mother surprised me; but I have heard, sexual abuse, stories like this one before. I had a coaching client who told me that her mother stopped having sex with her husband and when she was 4 years old gave her to her husband to have sex with. Tyler Perry tried to bring attention to this, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, in his movie Madea Family Reunion .

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Here are 5 Statistics about sexual abuse offenders

  1. Ages 12 to 14 are the peak ages for child offenders.
  2. 70 percent of perpetrators have between 1 and 9 victims.
  3. Child abuse, statistics, show as many as 40 percent of children who are, sexually abused, are abused by older or more powerful children.
  4. Sex offenses are the crimes least likely to involve strangers as perpetrators. Although a smaller percentage of, sex offenders, are women, the majority are male. Sex offenders, are generally NOT “dirty old men” or strangers lurking in alleys. They are typically not obviously mentally ill or retarded. In fact, sex offenders, are usually well known and trusted by the children they victimize, and frequently are members of the family, including fathers and stepfathers, brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. There is no clear-cut description or profile of a, sex offender. Thus, there is no way to recognize a potential, sex offender, and abuser; and it's often hard to believe that a trusted individual would be capable of abusing children.
  5. Children who disclose their abuse within one month are at a reduced risk for, depression, or substance abuse and, addiction. Believe your kids when they talk to you and LISTEN. 
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Why, Addiction and Depression are by products of Child Abuse

Although any type of, addiction, can trigger violence, those most likely to impair judgment, like drug and alcohol, addiction, are most often linked to addiction-related violence. Drug and alcohol use can weaken self-control, it’s not uncommon to see people who are under the influence engaging in behavior they usually wouldn’t if they were sober.

People living with, strange addictions, who commit violent crimes, is usually as a result of intoxication or as a means of obtaining money to finance their habits. According to an article published in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, more than 75 percent of people who seek treatment for, drug addiction, report having performed acts of violence, including mugging, physical assault and using a weapon to attack another person.

People who suppress negative feelings like anger or, depression, are more likely to drink or use, drugs, to the point of intoxication and exhibit violent behaviors. If you have Pent-up rage and you are using drugs, you are more likely to act violently because loss of self-control can increase your chances to act on your anger.

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help sexual abuse survivors

Dr Tra Ahia How does CBT help , sexual abuse survivors, to love themselves? What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Evidence is growing that, cognitive-behavioral therapy, (CBT) is an effective treatment for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, including those who have experienced physical, child abuse, and other traumatic events.

Most of the studies that have evaluated Trauma focused-CBT have been well designed. This treatment model represents a synthesis of trauma-sensitive interventions and well-established CBT principles treatment-outcome studies for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and otherwise traumatized children. The therapy was developed to resolve, post-traumatic stress disorder, and, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to address underlying distortions about self-blame, safety, the trustworthiness of others, and the world. The treatment also fits, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences into a broader context of children's lives so that their primary identity is not that of a victim.

Child abuse, statistics, show that CBT therapy allows, sexual abuse, victims to learn self-love.

 

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

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Arifah What does, Child abuse, statistics, show about self love?

It shows that if, child abuse, and sexual abuse, victims do the following, They begin to heal.

  • Take your time
  • Recognize that your needs matter
  • Forgive yourself and knowledge of self through therapy
  • Find a support group
  • Learn to practice self-compassion, to rid yourself of shame-based beliefs, such as you are worthless, defective, bad, or unlovable
  • Find time for self care activities (journaling, exercise, mediation, art, hanging out with people that care about you).
  • Gain new experiences (i.e. get involved in the community)
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

 

Dr Tra I am curious after listening to 100 stories like the ones you told in your book and from all the data you have collected over your 30 years in this space.  Why do you think fathers and stepfathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins, abuse, little girls?

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I want to comment on one of the, child abuse,  statistics,   the one that says 70% of perpetrators have between 1 to 9 victims.  I remember my,  sexual abuse, It was from a man  who I called grandfather, even though he was no relation.  He used to tell me to bring my friends, and he would do the same thing to them as he did me. In fact he had a reputation of liking little girls.  I never told anyone!

That’s another thing, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, statistics, show, victims never tell.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Here are 5 tips for loving yourself after, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, 

  1. Read Positive affirmations
  2. Heal the mind through the body (ie. Boxing, Running, Martial Arts)
  3. Mindful breathing exercises and meditation (stop, breathe and think app)
  4. Channel your pain into creativity ( i.e.journaling)
  5. Ask for help when you need it

 Conclusion, Child Abuse, and, Sexual Abuse 

Dr Tra, Do you support the, child abuse statistic, that says that if kids who are experiencing trauma of any kind tells someone who offers support, it has a direct and positive effect on the, sexual abuse and addiction connection?

Totally, when you tell someone what is being done to you, you release the shame of thinking you are to blame. You will also get help to cope with the emotions.  When you stay silent it eats away at you all your life and then you self-medicate with, drugs, and alcohol and your, sexual abuse, continues into your adult relationships.

Additional Resources on Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.masterproblems.com/2017/02/what-can-be-done-about-child-abuse.html

https://www.jennifersoldner.com/2014/05/when-your-child-cant-speak.html

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/subabuse_childmal.pdf

 

 

How To Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse

As mothers we must be vigilant and protect our children from predators; but most of us do not think we have to protect them from, sexual abuse, from their own fathers. Maralee McLean shares her story of her 12-year battle to protect her daughter from, sexual abuse, from her biological father.

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Today I am speaking with Maralee McLean. Maralee shares her experience with, sexual abuse, from a parent. This is a very personal story for Maralee, and I applaud her braveness and her transparency.

I've spoken several times on the show and this blog, of my , sexual abuse, as a child. I wrote a book about my story “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” So what I hope to do today is help Maralee bring awareness to, sexual abuse, in the home by family members.

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Protective mothers against sexual abuse

This nightmare became real for Maralee McLean, and her book “Prosecuted but not Silenced” details it. The entire narrative of “protective mothers”, mothers who have to share custody of their children with dangerous, abusive men; defies belief. People with background knowledge of the plight of protective mothers will recognize many themes of Maralee’s story.

Woman falls in love with a “nice guy” who turns violent, uses the divorce to unleash a previously unimaginable level of cruelty and violence, and a court system so blinded to this evil and to the needs of children, they facilitate it. But for those who still find Maralee’s story beyond belief, there is almost a hundred pages of appendices providing the actual documentation mentioned in the chapters of the book, as well as background on issue.

• This book deals with child, sexual abuse, it’s impossible to write a book about child, sexual abuse, without describing child, sexual abuse, there are some concrete and medical description of child, sexual abuse, Readers easily triggered by that should skip through those descriptions, but by no means should they not read the book.
• In some ways, this book is the strongest testimony to the mother-child bond I’ve ever read. It’s also a testimony to why that bond should not be broken capriciously, and why a system that does, cannot be tolerated. This book deals with how our society is willing to sacrifice children on an altar of egos and ideologies. And it illustrates why that must stop.

Domestic violence is a red flag for sexual abuse

There's lots of these cases today of protective moms that can't protect their children, so that's one of the reasons I'm telling this story. I had I've been married to a, Domestic Violence abuser, and I really got out of my marriage carefully. Before we got married there were no red flags or books out there to tell you about these kinds of men. I thought a woman had been physically abused for it to be, domestic violence.

I didn't understand control and emotional abuse and psychological abuse. I suffered all those abuses. I tell young girls today, especially in college, if they see red flags, run because if they marry that guy and have a child with him, you're in this for life because that child will be possibly abused. I not saying, sexual abuse, but abuse in other forms.

My red flags were that he would be a perfectly nice guy and then his eyes would change in an instant to scary evil looking eyes.

We were married for many years before I had a baby but once I divorced him, there was a lot going through the divorce in itself. I mean I was stalked, emotionally abused, some physical and psychological. He would write editorials to the newspaper about our divorce, and they would print them and they not even true.

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Sexual abuse in your home

When my daughter was a baby, her father did not want anything to do with her but once she turns like around 2 years old, he started wanting to see have visitation. This one time on a visitation our two-year-old daughter was wearing this little pink dress, her long dark hair was in a ponytail, her little blue eyes that danced and everyone on the street literally stopped me to talk to her and I say her sweet she looked.

I dropped her off at her dad at 4 pm for a 3-hour visit. When I went to pick her up about 7:00 pm that evening, I knocked at the door and there was no answer. I thought well that's weird. I knocked again, still no answer. Finally, he comes to the door, and I saw my daughter’s clothes are strewn all over the living room floor. He goes upstairs and brings her down the stairs. She was covered in sweat and limp in his arms.

Her hair was matted to her head. I asked him what the heck happened to her; my gut pulled tight. He said she got sick. I said well that’s funny because she was fine a few hours ago. I got her clothes together got her dress and got her out of there fast; but I at that point I never would dream he would, sexually abuse, his daughter. I always thought he'd be the greatest father that was one of the reasons I'd married him. I never saw any indication of, sexual abuse, or anything like that in him before this. I thought well she just got sick at his place.

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Later within maybe three months or so after that incident, my little girl discloses, sexual abuse, to the daycare provider and to myself in detail. No child could possibly come up with that on her own. She was 2 and a half. I called my sister who was a nurse at Children's Hospital, and I asked her what to do. She told me to ask her again in the morning and see if she repeats it. Don't mention her father's name and then take her to her pediatrician, so that's exactly what I did, and she I repeated the same, sexual abuse, to me and to her pediatrician. The doctor notified social services and that's when my nightmare began!

Proving sexual abuse is a nightmare

Social services set up supervised visits and he was the perfect father. Then one day I met The Guardian Ad litem, which is a lawyer for the child. I go into this room, and they had other social workers there and the father and she interrogated me like nothing I've ever seen on TV. Why would your daughter continue to say, sexual abuse, if you weren't coaching her?

I said have you talked to the babysitter who spent quality time with my little girl? She had been on the case for 3 months and she had not met the babysitter.

She said this is, parental alienation, I didn't even know what, parental alienation, meant at the time. This is a term I'll bring up later. She says this child going into foster care. She already had a foster care home lined up before she even talked to me. I am beyond belief. Her father and I are not even living together. They were going to put my baby into foster care and totally traumatize her. She's never been away from me. I'm the sole caretaker. But I held it together, because I knew if I emotionally went nuts they would say I was not a fit mother.

After they took my baby, I lay my head on a desk and cried as if my soul was just ripped out of me. Then I drove a hundred miles an hour to Dr. Baker's office. I walked in with my makeup all over my face. They just took my baby from me, you know the truth, fight for us.
It took me 12 years to get my baby back.
Click the link below to listen to the rest of this powerful story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7atnnDykwb0&t=405s

Additional Resources
https://myhelps.us/how-to-overcome-the-pain-domestic-violence-child-molestation/
https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/313252392_Prosecuted_but_Not_Silenced_Courtroom_Reform_for_Sexually_Abused_Children_by_Maralee_McLean
https://stopabusecampaign.org/what-is-a-protective-mother/
https://stopabusecampaign.org/campaigns/custody-court-crisis/custody_court/parental-alienation-syndrome/

Are You Trapped By Your Past?

As a Certified a, Life Coach, I know that we can become, trapped, by past hurt. I am trained to help my clients look back at their, past, and find clues for their future. It is not that the, past, equals the future; but that it gives you an indication of how you respond to hurts and disappointments. For example: Do you tackle them head on and fight like Rocky Balboa, or do you fold up like an umbrella like your best girlfriend and let circumstances anchor you in life?

Out of the Snares, trapped by your past
Out of the Snares, trapped by your past

In Chapter 2 of my book “Out Of The Snares” I share with my readers how I responded to a significant childhood hurt, child abuse. I used the analogy of a train traveling to a predetermined destination and hit something along the way and become derailed. That train can no longer continue on to that destination. Once derailed it is finished and we become, trapped.

I made the choice not to let the circumstances of my childhood, derail me. I choose to release, past, hurt. Instead, I chose to look at the positives that came out of that experience and allowed the lessons learned to shape me into the person I am today.
We all have a story, the successful people in life, succeed in spite of their story. I share secrets on how to use your story as the launching pad to fire you up. I teach you how to not become, trapped.

I show how the people that God placed in your life as a child, are there to teach you something. Just as in the story of Moses being raised by the Pharaoh's daughter until he was ready for God to use him to fulfill his purpose, all the people in your life and your, past, have strategic purposes.

How to Heal, Past, hurts

We all have a mother or mother figure who helped shape us into the women we are today – whether that person is a biological mother who gave birth to us, or a mother figure such as an older sister, aunt, stepmother, grandmother, or teacher. However, the reality is that no matter who you called “mother,” this woman held power over your development throughout your life, and she may not have been the mother you needed. Whether through intentional malice, physical or emotional abuse, or unintentionally through absence or other life circumstances, you may find yourself wounded by her actions — or lack of action. This, past, hurt, influences who you become and how you live, either, trapped, or free.  Releasing, past, hurts stops the harmful impacts that can ripple through your relationships with a partner, children, and within yourself. It stops you from becoming, trapped, by these memories.

The take away from this chapter is that we all have a, past. Some more daunting than others, but under every cloud there is a silver lining. Success in life depends on how you chose to respond to the rain.

Remember that the same rain that causes the flood is the same rain that is responsible for the harvest.

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5 Ways to Let Go of, Past, Hurts

The only way you can accept new joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. If your heart is filled full-up with pain from, past, hurt, you can't be open to anything new.

1. Make the decision to let go of the, past.

Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this, past hurt.

Making the conscious decision to let it go also means accepting you have a choice to let it go. To stop reliving the, past, pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person (after you finish step 2 below). This is empowering to most people, knowing that it is their choice to either become, trapped, by the pain, or to live a future life without it.

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2. Take responsibility and release blame for, past hurt.

Express the pain from, past hurt, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system (like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person). Get it all out of your system at once and take responsibility. Blame allows you to stay a victim.  Doing so will also help you understand why specifically you are hurting.

We don’t live in a world of black and whites, even when sometimes it feels like we do. While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. What could you have done differently next time? Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or will you become, trapped, by it.

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3. Stop being the victim and blaming others.

Being the victim feels good — it’s like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care, so you need to get over yourself. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your feelings matter. But don’t confuse with “your feelings matter” to “your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters.” Your feelings are just one part of this large thing we call life, which is all interwoven and complex. And messy.

In every moment, you have that choice — to continue to feel bad about another person’s actions, or to start feeling good. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person. Release the shackles and get out of the snares of blame. Why would you let the person who you feel is responsible for your, past hurt, have such power, right here, right now?

No amount of rumination of analyses have ever fixed a relationship problem. Never. Not in the entirety of the world’s history. So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?

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4. Focus on the present.

Now it’s time to let go. Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where the protagonist — you — is forever the victim of this other person’s horrible actions. You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life.

When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness (as they are bound to do from time to time), acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment. Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying to yourself, “It’s alright. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my own happiness and doing .”

Remember, if we crowd our brains — and lives — with hurt feelings, there’s little room for anything positive. It’s a choice you’re making to continue to feel the hurt, rather than welcoming joy back into your life.

5. Forgive them and free yourself from being, trapped.

We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviors, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness, we can’t even imagine forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”

Download you copy of “Out Of The Snares” today
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Additional Resources

How to Forgive even when it feels impossible 

https://myhelps.us/reflection-4-rejection-surviving-mothers-abandonment/

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

10 Ways Childhood Trauma Impacts our Ability to Love

10 ways that, childhood trauma, can sabotage your love life and relationships. Relationship Coach Riana Milne joins The Transform your Mind podcast to discuss, childhood trauma, and how it impacts our adult life. Riana is the best selling author of “Love Beyond your Dreams” and “From Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success.”

For anyone who have had trouble maintaining healthy relationships, listen to find out if your have any of the, childhood trauma, that can affect your love relationships.

 

How Childhood Trauma affects Adults
How Childhood Trauma affects Adults

IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN:

How does, childhood trauma, impact adults in life and love?
Riana goes over ten, childhood traumas, and relate them back to how they show up in our lives as an adult.
To get the most out of this topic, Riana advise the listeners to Get a sheet of paper and make three columns.

The first column you put “ME”, the second column you put “Your partner” and the third column you put “Your parents” because research shows, childhood trauma, go through the generations.

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So here are the ten, childhood traumas:

As I speak them remember that when you were child you're very young and innocent all you knew is what mom and dad modeled to you so there’s
nothing to feel guilt or shame about.
I don't want people to say no it didn't happen because they're embarrassed or they feel shame around it.
If it is a fact, if it happened write it down.
It is like putting a puzzle together. Once you know what your, childhood trauma, is and then how it's showing up as a for you as an adult.
As a coach, I can start putting the pieces together and everything starts making a whole lot of sense.

My favorite line is you can't change what you don't understand.

Childhood trauma, #1 addictions

1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there's also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder, spending or gambling, workaholic etc. There's 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2 Verbal Abuse

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and yelling at each other? This, Childhood trauma, is typical is yelling screaming but this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like “you'll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3 emotional abuse or neglect

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let's say they came home from school at 3 o'clock and mom if they're in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours.

There's anxiety around that. So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we're out trying to support our kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4 Psychical abuse

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – This, childhood trauma,  could have happened in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools we're supposed to teach our child another way.

If you're beating them or hitting them you're teaching them to be violent back. We don't want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5 Abandonment

5. Abandonment – There's two types, childhood trauma, from abandonment. Fault and No Fault abandonment.
Here are three examples, childhood trauma, from no-fault abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault” abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6 Adoption

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to live with relatives because mom or dad couldn't take care of you, that even includes Grandma's, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn't want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn't want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7 personal trauma

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky. Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

Childhood trauma, #8 Sibling trauma

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time. Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I'm worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9 Community trauma

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years. Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that's all
family trauma and community trauma. Today we can also have, childhood trauma, if we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass shootings in our community.

https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10 Mental Health

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities. We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma. Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or the repercussions.

I am unlike every other love coach, because I specialize in how the past has harmed you and what you're attracting. We call it same person different face. The repetitive toxic relationships and this happens to my clients who are very successful
in business but they struggle in love. They can't figure out why like I can get the career right,

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Riana is offering a FREE eBook
Get it here:
www.HavetheLoveYouDeserve.com

 

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE to the PODCAST so you can get new episodes as they are uploaded. You can listen on, iTunes,  TuneIn radio, iHeart Radio, Stitcher and Spotify.

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Additional Resources:

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4 Ways a Traumatic Childhood Affects Adult Relationships

What happens to us as children can affect the attachment style we carry into our adult relationships. Childhood Trauma, hugely influences attachment. Often people who grew up in happy, healthy, and stable homes where caregivers were emotionally available and responsive to their needs have a secure attachment style. These people don't push partners away or cling too tightly. While they may have troubles in their relationships, an unhealthy attachment style isn't the cause.

The Long Shadow of Childhood Trauma

A new study suggests that stress experienced early in life damages the ability to assess risk, creating young adults with poor decision-making skills.

How To Get Out Of The Snares of Child Abuse

Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement is a book written to encourage women of color who were born in lack. It showcases my, personal growth, journey and how I got, out of the snares, of poverty and, child abuse.

 

This is my interview on the Books of the Month show on www.ptwwntv.com

Listen to the interview:

 

Introduction to Out Of the Snares

Myrna – I am a, life coach, I host a show on the preach the word television network called Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, one of the reasons that I wrote the book, Out of the Snares, is because I believe and I wanted to encourage women that it is not where we come from, but where we end up that’s important.

It's also the only way that we can go through that transition like from a caterpillar to a butterfly is if we allow the things that happen to us in life help us with, personal growth.  We should use challenges to transform ourselves and for our, personal development.

So, the book, Out of the Snares, is basically a story of my life.  I wrote it from a, life coaching, perspective with 10 principles of, life experiences, that happened to me and what I learned from those, life experiences.

I’m a, life coach, but I do most of my coaching on my show Transform Your Mind. It is a radio, podcast and a television show.

Dr O.C Pringle:  You're doing it all sister Young, you're doing it all right and so of course your inspiration would be your, life's experience, and, child abuse. let's talk about that.

Out of the Snares of Child Sexual Abuse

Myrna:  I was, sexually abused, as a child in Guyana by a family friend.  He was technically my Godfather, but being from a third world country, a very poor country and he was very rich.

We would call him a, pedophile, he showered me with a lot of attention,  and bought me a lot of gifts and then took advantage of that.

I didn't realize that we were doing anything wrong until I became 13 and started having Boyfriends.

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DR O.C Pringle: Until you became what?  Wait how old were you?

 

Myrna:  This, sexual abuse, began at age 10.

 

Dr O.C Pringle: Wow did anything ever happen to this guy?

 

Myrna: No, because like most children I didn’t say anything about it. I told no one. This book was my first experience talking about it and I in my 40’s when I wrote, Out of the Snares. My dad read the book and was very upset that he did not know this was going on.

Children carry a lot of shame regarding, sexual abuse, I still carried shame when I wrote, Out of the Snare. As you can see I used my maiden name Trotman for the author name.

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Dr. O.C Pringle: So, you placed Myrna Bernadette Trotman on the cover of the book, because you didn't want people to know it was you, but your picture is on the cover!!

 

Myrna: I started to release shame when I started talking about the, sexual abuse, and when I learnt that children can’t give consent for sex. So whatever guilt and shame that I had attached to my, sexual abuse, I released it.

 

Dr O.C Pringle: Well listen it worked out for your good, but all things work together for the good of them that loved God and are called according to his, purpose, so your, sexual abuse, worked in your favor. You were able to redirect that energy into something positive where you're helping people all over the world.  You're on radio and on television, yes you are some kind of a woman.

Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement

Self Improvement Book: Out of the Snares
Out of the Snares of poverty, and sexual abuse

So, let's talk some more about the book.

 

Myrna: Out of the Snares, is made up of 10 principles in life that we should live by:

 

  1. Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you– Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
  2. The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good– God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don't give up until you win.
  3. Let the, Universal Laws of Attraction, the, Laws of Intention, work for you– Ask and it will be given unto you.
  4. Have a, Positive Mindset– Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
  5. Use what you have in your hand– You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
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  1. Be intentional about your Growth– Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
  2. If you build it, they will come“ Be a servant first.
  3. Find your Passion– it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
  4. Love– it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
  5. Business Consciousness– how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.

Additional Resources

Do You Have A Child Sexual Abuse Story? Break the Silence

Self love is the secret Out of the Snares of Child Abuse

Surviving R. Kelly: The Mindset Of A Sexual Predator

How can women use their intuitive gifts to understand the mindset of the, sexual predator, like, R Kelly? We check the boxes to understand why, sexual predators, seek out and choose certain women.

In this episode of the, Transform your Mind, personal development podcast, I interview Intuitive and spiritual coach Nicole Leffer

 

Surviving r Kelly Sexual Predator

The Lifetime series, Surviving r Kelly, and the follow up Dateline episode, show a rich and famous, R Kelly, feeding his sex machine with women of all ages. His preference seemed to be teenage girls as young as 12 years old; but women in their 30's had the same experience.  One said that she did unspeakable things in a Black room, was starved, had to ask before she went to the bathroom, was physically abused, and had to call, r Kelly,  Daddy.

So in this interview, Nicole and  I  explore the mindset of  a, sexual predator,  and how women of all ages can use their intuition to escape the lair of a, sexual  predator.

 Have you ever gotten a reading on the, mindset sexual predator,?

Nicole since you are an intuitive and there's been a lot of readings,  have you ever gotten a reading on a, sexual predator?  What is going on in the mindset of a, sexual predator,?

 I've never done a reading where I sat like I sat down and read a, sexual predator.  I don't think that somebody in that space would allow that. I have had a couple of times the in readings for other people who was a victim of a, predator.   What I  picked up was a lot of assurance that it was not their fault. Something about them triggered the mindset of the, sexual predator.  Something from their childhood or from their past that they were tormented and deeply tortured about, attracted the, sexual predator, so they became the target. 

This is also the Law of Attraction concept.  The energy that you are putting out attracts, sexual predators. They can read you. If you have a lot of insecurities within yourself, a, predator, can pick up on your insecurities and that they have the opportunity to come in and fill that void.  

You become vulnerable if you view yourself as not enough and the, sexual predator, can sniff that out. 

The other factor that has come through in my, intuitive readings,  is that the, sexual predator,  is also trying to fill some need in themselves. They have learned that preying on the innocent, dulls the pain inside themselves and gives them the sense of power and control over their victims. Whatever it is they're trying to get through or over, they're using this behavior as their outlet for that.  It is not a healthy behavior by any means,  but it's  similar to how people use drugs or they'll use alcohol or they'll use sex or they'll use a million different things.  It's like somehow somewhere along the way,  this person has learned that this is a solution to their pain, their torment, their torture and the wires get crossed in their brains and this is what happens.

How do we use our Intuition to understand, the mindset sexual predator,? 

We do have an, intuition, in ourselves to be able to prevent this from happening to us. Not 100 percent of the time, but as humans we are able to pick up the warning signs and cues, if we are paying attention.  

One of the victims in the, Surviving Robert R Kelly, interview said just that.  She said that, sexual predators, look for the, weak minded woman,.  They usually go for the young, like teenagers because they are, weak minded women,  but if they find you are weak minded as an adult, then you become a victim as well.  She was one of the women in her 30's who was a victim.  So if you are a, weak minded woman, then you are not using your, intuition, instead, you are looking for this person to fill the void in your life, and in, the mindset of a, sexual predator, they are more than happy to accommodate.

Listen to the rest on this interview on audio to understand how your feeling of not being enough activates the, sexual predator, to target you.

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Do You Have A Child Sexual Abuse Story? Break the Silence

What does, child sexual abuse, look like? It is the face of innocence interrupted.
Millions of children are victims of, sexual abuse, every year from people they trust. Fathers, brothers, uncles, family friends, their mothers boyfriends…the list goes on.

The, BTS documentary,  is shining a light on this issue with their documentary, “Breaking the Silence.”

This documentary, “Breaking the Silence,” aired on the TLC network. This one-hour special featured interviews with people and children impacted by, sexual abuse, including two members of RAINN’s Speakers Bureau, survivors Ter-rae Lee and David Moody, as well as survivor-advocate Erin Merryn, the force behind Erin's Law.

Child Sexual Abuse Cheryl Burke

One of the speakers on the program was Cheryl Burke of Dancing with the Stars fame. Cheryl shared her, child sexual abuse, story. She was a victim of, sexual abuse,  by her kinder-garden school teacher at the tender age of 6 years. She shares how that experience has shaped her life and defined her subsequent choice in lovers.

Burke, 31, said the, sexual abuse, started when she was in kindergarten. She didn't name anyone specifically, but said, “He would make me watch pornographic videos. He was kind of like that fatherly figure – I think he knew my weakness, that I was very insecure.

Burke, 31, said her parents had divorced and her father had moved away, so this man was tasked with watching her and took advantage.

“I couldn't speak up for myself. It was hard for me to say no. In a weird way, it was like I didn't want to hurt him,” the native Californian added.

The dancing star eventually had to testify against the man when she was 6, she said.

Facing your Abuser

“My mom was there holding my hand, I was shaking and there was my molester right in front of me. It was so terrifying to see him face to face. I remember taking a lot of breaks because I would just break down,” she said, adding it was dance that brought her back.

Some other famous, child sexual abuse,  survivors were Oprah Winfrey and Dr Maya Angelou. All three of these women overcame their childhood obstacles and went on to live remarkable lives, but some are not so fortunate. In my book “Out of the Snares, A story of hope and encouragement” I share my, child sexual abuse,  story and give my readers 10 life principles on how to not only overcome your childhood story; but how to succeed in spite of it.

Oprah's Child Sexual Abuse story

The media mogul Oprah Winfrey recounted her own experiences with, sexual abuse, which included being raped at the age of nine.

“Anybody who has been verbally abused or, physically abused,  will spend a great deal of their life rebuilding their self esteem,” Winfrey said in front of 3,000 students.

She recounted being physically beaten as a child, saying it was a cultural experience many African- American children went through. She also said was raped and molested.

Winfrey talked about some of the positive aspects of her life: How she learned to read before she was three, how she wished to be Diana Ross, and how she skipped school because she wrote a note to her teacher.

Description of her happy times didn’t last, though.

“I grew up in an environment where children were seen and not heard,” she said.

“I was beaten regularly.”

One such beating, she said, stuck out in vividly in her mind.

“I went to a well to get some water and carry it in a bucket. And I was playing in the water with my fingers, and my grandmother had seen me out the window and she didn’t like it.

“She whipped me so badly that I had welts on my back and the welts would bleed. And then when I put on my Sunday dress, I was bleeding from the welts. And then she was very upset with me because I got blood on the dress.

“So then I got another whipping for getting blood on the dress.”

 

 

Here are the 10 Biblical and Universal Laws that can help readers rewrite their story of Child Sexual Abuse

1. Keep Your Vision in Front of you – Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
2. The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good. Your, child sexual abuse, was your teachable moment. God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don't give up until you win.
3. Let the Universal Laws of Attraction, the Laws of Intention work for you – Ask and it will be given unto you.
4. Have a Positive Mind-set – Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) from your, sexual abuse.
5. Use what you have in your hand- You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
6. Be intentional about your Growth- Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
7. If you build it, they will come. Be a servant first.
8. Find your Passion – it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose. You can achieve your purpose in spite of your, child sexual abuse.
9. Love – it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
10. Business Consciousness – how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.

Additional Resources

Surviving R. Kelly: The Mindset Of A Sexual Predator

What is the Connection between Sexual Abuse and Addiction?

 

 

How to Reap What You Sow in Sales

Most of us are familiar with the seeds of, tithing, and giving; but the law of, sowing and reaping, go way beyond the physical.

My guest today is  Dr Denise Johnson, Spiritual Psychologist, on her radio program “Spiritual Principles for Emotional Healing.”

In this interview, I share my back story of how I became conscious and awakened, my first book, Becoming Conscious, my Awakening, the situations and storms in my personal life that resulted in my spiritual growth and evolution, and finally my topic “Are you Eating your Seed, How to Reap where you Plant”

In this episode I also share how Tony Robins “Unleash the Power Within” seminar ushered me in the direction of my purpose.
You see I was on my way to becoming a house wife when I happened to attend one of Tony's “Unleash the Power Within” seminars and left the experience totally fired up!

Two months later, I was the proud owner of my first stretch limousine and the CEO of “A Royal Livery Limousine Service”
Six years later, I was being honored with “Entrepreneur of the Year

https://youtu.be/4bVOFPtOFu4

The Law of Sowing and Reaping

Here is Gerald Butler's experience with the “Unleashing the Power within” seminar!

“Fear is a huge issue for me. This technique Tony has is a really smart way to literally set those fears aside… That to me, is unleashing the power within.” – Gerard Butler

As a distinguished actor, Gerard Butler, spends his life at the next level. Between his countless roles, Gerard is also a dedicated philanthropist. Introduced to Tony Robbins through his dad when he was 17, Gerard had listened to several audio programs before attending Unleash the Power. Despite living life in the public eye and being one for adventure, Gerard struggled with losing focus and being consumed in fear. Before attending Unleash the Power Within, he even found himself nervous about participating with 10,000 other people. Enraptured by the intense energy of the event, his nerves quickly disappeared and he found himself finally able to move towards overcoming his habit of fear. Gerald learned the, law of sowing and reaping, sow joy and reap joy instead of fear.

How coaching helps you learn the laws of sowing and reaping

Life Coaching,  is taking the client from where they are today to where they want to be tomorrow.
Life coaching,  is different from sports coaching.
If the client does not get the victory, you don't fire the coach!

The life coach's role is not to design the plays, but to Help the client discover the right plays!

As a spirituality coach, I help my clients understand who they are?
What beliefs have been holding them back from success.
What are the obstacles they have to overcome to achieve success in life and the concept of, sowing and reaping.

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What are some of the seeds you need to plant to reap success

Most of us are familiar with the seeds of, tithing, and giving.
The bible teaches that if you bring your tithe into the storehouse, God would multiply it 60, 100 times.
But, the law of sowing and reaping, go way beyond the physical.
My sales manager told me once to “To Reap where I Sow”
That means that as a field sales agent, I am building relationships in my, sales territory, I am, sowing seeds.
Similar to a real estate agent who farms a territory.
You don't want to spend years building, sowing, and then leave before the harvest!

Sowing seeds, are important in your job, in your marriage, in your friendships, with your children.
The bible teaches to love as you want to be loved, you must give first whatever you want to receive!
In your job, if you are faithful, working hard every day as unto the Lord, then your seeds will grow into the harvest of a promotion.
Just keep watering the seed through service and attention.

Why does God give you a seed?

As is taught in the parable by Jesus and the 3 servants entrusted with bags of silver by their master; God expects you to multiply whatever he gives to you.
He does not give you a talent or a gift for you to bury it or hoard it for yourself; no he gives it to you to benefit his kingdom.

Let me explain that using a physical example, the apple tree. Each apple has 5 seeds.
500 apple trees can produce an orchard of 30,000 apples. Proprietary growing and pruning methods developed by Tree Plantation, can double that again to over 100,000 apples per acre.
In a similar way, God gives you seeds so that you can scatter them and produce fruit!
He can blow your seeds where you did not even plant!

How to Make your Ground Fertile for sowing and reaping.

To make your ground fertile, you have to hear the word, and do the word.
You can't reap a harvest without first tilling the soil, you have to make the soil ready to receive the nutrients to grow the plants.
One way to do this is to find your burning bush!
What did God put inside of you that he wants you to bring to fruition?

How to Equate the Laws of the Harvest to the Laws of the Universe?

Whatever you sow you shall reap!
You reap in proportion to what you sow, so sow generously.

Remember the oak tree lives in the acorn!

Small things do grow into big things.
Keep hitting the anvil, do something small every day to water the seed you have in the ground.

What is the Eating Your Seed Concept?

You have to save some of your earnings in order to plant it.
If you consume it all, you will have nothing to, sow, and you will always be without.
That is why your financial planner advises you to save 10% of your income to invest and get a return.

The bible teaches us that if you give, it will be given to you, A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over.
But it starts with giving.

Give whatever you want to receive, plant whatever you want to sow!

In closing, this is your season, this is the right time, start planting your seeds, keep watering them every day and watch God turn your apple into an orchard!

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Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/how-to-unleash-power-within/