Tag Archives: Life coaching podcast

How to Manage Compulsive Behaviors

Millions of people suffer from at least one of the, compulsive behaviors, Compulsive shopping, Compulsive eating, Hoarding, Compulsive sexual behavior.

—often, even when the individual wishes they could stop—despite the fact that the act triggers negative outcomes, leads to interpersonal conflicts, or damages mental health.

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Introduction to Compulsive Behaviors

Common activities that can develop into compulsions include, compulsive  shopping, hoarding, eating, gambling, sex, and exercise. Though some behaviors are easier to over-indulge in than others, in reality, nearly any behavior has the potential of becoming a, compulsive behavior. Some people even talk compulsively, for instance.

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There are also obsessive compulsive disorder, in which a compulsive person performs certain behaviors to relieve underlying anxiety or other negative emotions. A well-known example is a person who checks and rechecks everything—if the stove is turned off, for instance, or if the door is locked.

These behaviors rarely decrease anxiety in the long run; in most cases, they only provide temporary relief. In extreme cases, compulsive behaviors start to take over the person’s work, home, and social life, at the expense of normal activities.

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How are Compulsive Behaviors and addictions connected?

Compulsive behaviors, have a genetic effect and are often seen in identical twins. I know 17 year old identical twin girls who came into the foster care system at 4 years old and have had trauma. I attributed their, compulsive behaviors, to genes from their biological parents and environment from their early years in foster care. They started, compulsive behaviors, like stealing  from about 5 years old, as they grew older that transformed into, compulsive shoplifting, then they started running away and couldn’t stop, now they are compulsively, hoarding.

Compulsion behaviors,  often arise after stressful events, trauma, or abuse as we have seen in our study of addictions. When people engage in, compulsive behaviors, they become trapped in a pattern of repetitive actions or senseless thinking from which it can be difficult to break free.

Treatment is often key for overcoming, compulsive behaviors.

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How does normal behavior turn into,  Compulsive Behaviors?

As far as the brain is concerned our rewards are reward important,  so regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience and you know that there’s a
reward and people who indulge in , compulsive behaviors,  like gambling,  eating,  sex, and shopping,  become trapped in the reward system of dopamine.

Types of Compulsive Behaviors

Compulsive behaviors, come in many forms, all of which can be quite debilitating or even dangerous.

Hoarding, for instance, are those who are unable to part with even the most worthless possessions. Many hoarders find the act of purging so distressful that they live under extremely crowded and potentially harmful conditions.

  • Compulsive shopping,
  • Compulsive eating
  • Over exercising
  • Hoarding
  • Compulsive cleaning

Compulsive Hoarding,   is a psychiatric disorder which involves the accumulation of personal possessions to the point at which these accumulations interfere with your quality of life to a significant degree. The acquisition of “things” and failure to throw away unneeded objects can result in only mild symptoms of a cluttered home to a home which is too unsanitary for healthy living. At the current time, it’s thought that between two and six percent of the population is living with some degree of hoarding disorder.

  • Compulsively taking selfies and posting on social media
  • Compulsive sexual behavior or sexual addiction

What negative triggers enable Compulsive Behaviors like Hoarding.

The brain tricks us into thinking that we need the reward so we perform the, compulsive behavior, to re up the Dopamine
I know that as humans we move towards pleasure and away from pain. In my role as parent with kids who have, compulsive behaviors. These behaviors are cemented because they engage the reward centers of the brain.

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How does one break that reward system for, Compulsive Behaviors?

Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.

“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges.  With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection. Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations.  Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.

Sex Addiction Treatment

Let’s look at, compulsive sexual behavior, or sexual addiction. Sexual addiction, is represented by, compulsive behavior,  in commonly available sexual practices, such as

  • Attending strip clubs,
  • Compulsive masturbation,
  • Paying for sex through prostitution,
  • Excessive use of pornography,
  • and repeated engagement in extramarital affairs.

Compulsive sexual behavior, otherwise known as sexual addiction, is an emerging psychiatric disorder that has significant medical and psychiatric consequences. Until recently, very little empirical data existed to explain the biological, psychological, and social risk factors that contribute to this condition. In addition, clinical issues, such as the natural course and best practices on treating sexual addictions, have not been formalized. Despite this absence, the number of patients and communities requesting assistance with this problem remains significant. This article will review the clinical features of compulsive sexual behavior and will summarize the current evidence for psychological and pharmacological treatment.

Dr Ahia What forms of, Sex Addiction Treatment, would you administer to someone suffering from, compulsive sexual addiction?

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How would you treat a youth that had the compulsion for taking selfies or even shoplifting?

Additional Resources for, Compulsive Behaviors

https://myhelps.us/childhood-sexual-trauma-and-addiction/

https://myhelps.us/drug-alcohol-treatments-women-with-trauma/

https://myhelps.us/call-me-an-addict-child-abuse-statistics-p3/

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Crucial Role of an Active Lifestyle Against COVID-19

Wildly Alive coach Nichole Wurth shares how having an, active lifestyle, could help you fight, coronavirus COVID 19, and become BFF’s with your body.

Journey to an Active lifestyle.

I was raised on Hamburger Helper and mac and cheese.  I didn’t know the basics of nourishing your body or a healthy lifestyle.  That  was not something that was taught to me, so I got out of high school and I gained some weight.  I did what most women do.  I started dieting. I wouldn’t say that I had a big-time body image issues or self-esteem issues going into that whole experience; but after every diet  I started to realize it took out a chunk of my self-esteem.

So after years of dieting if you would have looked at my body you would have thought damn she’s got it going on she’s so fit she’s so healthy. I want her body, I want her, active lifestyle.   But in all reality even though I looked like I was living a, healthy lifestyle,  I was an absolute mess inside.

I had disordered eating and disordered exercising and I was so lost in trying to have a, active lifestyle, I didn’t even see it I was I was obsessed with what I was going to eat and what I couldn’t eat. I was strategizing with every bite.  It was strategy all the time.  I was still deeply unhappy because before living this, healthy lifestyle,  I blamed all my unhappiness and the reason why I don’t have a boyfriend, the reason why I don’t have a fulfilling job, or the reason why I don’t have …fill in the blank, was because of my body.

 

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A Healthy Lifestyle begins with Diet

It’s very common for women to blame everything on their body,  so now that I had lost the weight and I look fit and healthy and living a, healthy lifestyle, I no longer had anything to blame for my unhappiness.  So again even though you would look at me and you think wow she’s an inspiration,  honestly I was lost from disordered eating and disordered exercising.  Most people they don’t even see it, and they’re broken.  That’s how diet culture works.  Diet culture intentionally breaks you, breaks your trust with yourself, so then you need a diet all the time.

That’s how I was for years.  I didn’t trust myself without the guidelines, without the rules and other restrictions.  I went through that whole journey. I lost the weight and I was worse than I was before I started that journey.

I start moving into like exploring okay how can I find happiness and freedom and a, healthy lifestyle, at the same time because dieting does not get you happiness and freedom.  It feels very caged.  That’s the philosophy of the wildly alive coaching program. I started coming up with this idea that your body is a living, breathing, feeling thing just like a plant.  So if I went into my office every day and looked at my plants and said to them, you’re ugly and you’re not good enough and you need to try harder.  I would have sent negative energy to them right they would rebel and not thrive.

The Ketogenic Diet is good for a healthy lifestyle

I think that’s where most women are.  They look at their body as just this thing that’s hanging on them, that’s never right and will never be right, and they’re constantly abusing it.  If you want to call it abuse or not, it really is, because you probably would never talk to your best friend that way or even your enemy.  That is when I started really looking into instead of creating change from a place of shame, which diet culture teaches, if you just hate your body enough then you can change it shifting that to respect base change.  learning how to respect our body as we are changing and reshaping it. The Ketogenic Diet is the new popular diet plan.

Food plays a very important part in our body image and women in particular, maybe even men. Men drink, women eat! I’m not sure, but a lot of times if you have emotional problems it shows up in what you eat.  And yeah when you go to the gym, and you have a really nice body, that’s on the outside. You could still feel shame inside.

A lot of women could identify with, you’re overweight and you buckled down and lost the weight, they are now living a, healthy lifestyle, they go to the gym every day, they eat right and embrace,  healthy living,  so where is the reward. Where is the boyfriend or husband?

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What is an Active Lifestyle?

I gained all  kinds of weight at the end of high school because I was in the industry and I was eating a lot of jalapeno, mayonnaise and French fries. It was like my favorite combination with  Big Mac.  The whole the whole world globally, we’re looking at the, coronavirus, and at, COVID-19, and everybody including all the health experts are now on talking about a, healthy lifestyle,  because what we’re all now acutely aware that if you have a healthy immune system then you can probably get over this, coronavirus, illness. My, active  lifestyle, programs started  before people became conscious of, healthy living.   A, healthy lifestyle, is  being wildly alive!

 I wanted to create something like a like a bridge between the, covid-19, pandemic and, healthy living.  I’m telling my clients right now is first and foremost and this is the basis of wildly alive coaching,  is your mind is the most powerful muscle in your body and so just like with dieting.

And the constant feeling of stress, you have to change from the inside.

 

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When I was dieting, I was constantly stressed, I was afraid of butter.  I was afraid of red meat and so on and so on. Even though according to my little calorie counting notebook, I was eating

all of the right things; because I was so stressed over the food, that I was unhealthy. Stressing about everything you put into your mouth is not a, healthy lifestyle.

What is the Feminine approach to a Healthy Lifestyle

This is a respect based approach to, healthy living. If I can help show you how awesome your body is, and how it’s doing so many things right now, in this moment, then what will start to happen is, you’ll start to recognize that your body is always talking to you.  She’s always speaking to you.  She can guide you on the best things to eat and the best ways to move and how to thrive in this whole self-care thing.  You don’t need a plan, you don’t need somebody telling you what to eat and how to exercise and what to do to feel happy, your body can tell you all of that.

We live in this Western society that just cuts you off at the head and makes you think that all your body is or something you manipulate, that’s all it is it’s just this mass, that has no voice or no wisdom.  So when you start opening up the lines of communication with your body, you start to listen to it. You start to feel really good.  It is just like when you get a cut you don’t have to look at the cut and be like okay white blood cells come do your thing. No the white blood cells are on it. They start forming a scab around the cut and the processes of healing begins.

Our bodies are so smart that we can’t even conceptualize and wrap our mind around all the brilliance of our body.  So if I can teach you some of that, and I can show you how awesome your body is and how she is here to guide you.  She’s here to guide yourself care and, healthy lifestyle, and  she’s also here to guide you on your life choices.

 

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The 28 day moon cycle

The feminine approach to an, active lifestyle, is really is a woman’s 28-day cycle if you’re menstruating.  As women we have a 28-day cycle and that 28-day cycle mirrors the moon.  There’s four phases within our 28-day cycle and also within the moon cycle.  Those four phases also mirror the four seasons of the planet. A, healthy lifestyle, includes following your cycle.

For example just to make this really simplified, when you’re bleeding it is the New Moon phase.

When we’re having our period we tend to be more hibernating, we’re not as extroverted.  This is our introverted time.  This is the time when we reflect and restore.  This is our winter time so if you’re ever confused you just look at the season the new moon. So when you’re bleeding doing a high intense workout it’s probably not the best thing for your body.  If you’re on hormonal birth control or you’re not having your period,  just start tracking the moon and your body will start syncing up with it.

Vice versa the full moon  is your ovulation or summer phase.  You are hyper energized.  There’s lots of growth, there’s lots of expansion, there’s lots of extroverted energy and so this is a really good time for an, active lifestyle, in terms of movement. Now is the time for that high intensity workout or doing that new salsa high intensity class.

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https://myhelps.us/ask-coach-myrna-how-to-start-over/

Wildly Alive  self-care and, Healthy lifestyle, coaching program

Wildly alive is about Shame -based change is by telling yourself you can’t have those things and you’re a bad person if you eat those things, so just to flip this on the head a little bit and think about it from a respect based change.  I always tell my clients I would never tell them they can’t eat things ever unless they have an allergy to something,  that’s a whole different conversation. Telling yourself you can’t eat bread because this study says that bread is bad for you.  I don’t think that’s enough to really shift into respect based change.  I’m a huge believer in moderation.  I think a little bit of everything is okay.  So have the bread or have the beer, really sit and enjoy it.  If your body starts to say to you, I feel bloated every time I drink a beer, then make some changes. Drink half a beer or try a different beer.

Here are the mechanics for a,  healthy active lifestyle, during covid-19

  • trying keeping the energy light in our house
  • limit media, limit the news because it is mostly negative
  • have a lot of sunlight.
  • getting outside and connecting with nature. Being in nature boosts your immune system. I also love to bring nature into my house. I have lots of my salt lamps.
  • An, active lifestyle, starts with some sort of movement on a regular basis. It could be going out for a walk, it could be yoga, it could be bike riding. Exercise calms your nerves.
  • drink a lot of water
  • increasing your vitamin C intake. I’ve been making this lemon ginger juice.
  • stay open to the lessons of the, covid-19, pandemic
  • be grateful for what you have and for your family
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I read somewhere that you were disappointed in Oprah. Please share why that is.

I would to preface this statement with I do love Oprah. I love her in so many different ways as a woman, as a woman of color.  She is breaking the mold and I love her for so many reasons; but a few weeks ago, I was watching an interview with her in Lady Gaga and she’s on stage and they were talking about mental health and I loved it. I was like yes I love this conversation they’re about mental health, this is such an important part of health right now. But then I started seeing  WW everywhere and I was like what is WW? It was  Weight Watchers and I was so devastated in that moment because Weight Watchers is diet culture.  It’s the epitome of diet culture.  They were having this beautiful conversation about mental health and calorie counting. Weight Watchers has been proven to be mentally unhealthy. It was so sad.

I still love Oprah, I know she’s human.  I know she’s flawed.  I forgive her.

Do you have any special programs or coaching programs that promote a, Healthy Lifestyle

You can find all coaching programs at www.wildlyalive.com

I do have a new free challenge called the embrace and reach your body challenge, that will start in a few weeks.  You could go to wildlyalive.com flash challenge.

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/its-not-about-willpower-how-to-lose-weight-without-dieting/

https://myhelps.us/how-nutritional-supplements-help-achieve-optimum-health/

https://myhelps.us/reprogram-mind-stop-binge-eating/

Understanding Personalities: Which Archetype Drives You

Your Life Theme and, personalities,  shape what motivates and drives you throughout your life. Find out which of the four archetypes and the, 16 personalities types, that can compose your identity.

Introduction

John Voris, author of the book “Discover the Power that Drives your, Personality, How four Virtues Define your World, started his career as a door to door salesman.  He failed miserably as a salesperson, even after taking sales training. He wondered why some people with the same training is better than others and discovered that, personalities, play an important role in skill.   That started his thinking that some, personalities, can do certain skills better than others. He also realized that, 16 personalities types, controls  our communication.

 

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He learned that the human mind needs to express its authentic identity and, personality. One way it does that is by selecting the objects and environment that expresses who we are.  That means that the objects around you right now reflect your past decisions.  Decisions like, I know I like this or I don’t like that.

How to identify our 16 Personalities.

John: So when I figured out how to sell to, personalities, I became an excellent salesperson closing 12 out of 14 transactions. I would be able to walk into a room and tell the motivation of my clients by the objects they surrounded themselves with. For example If you came into my office today I have over 4000 books. You can deduct that I am curious. Then you look at the titles of the books and you would understand my desire for wisdom. That doesn’t mean I’ll buy; but if the salesperson tailor their language to my desire for wisdom and build rapport, they have a great chance of closing the sale.  That is how you read people.

Another example, if I were to go into a beauty salon, I can figure out the, personalities; everyone is having fun.  I want to appease the, personalities,  so when I  walk into the salon I talk about other people of interest. The people who just purchased my widgets like Janice two doors down.  I would talk about what is factual about Janice. The, personalities, in the salon would buy my widget because Janice bought it.

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How does Objects identity their  personalities?

Our, personality, as our way of expression.  Your identity does not follow. I think therefore I am; It’s the only way to find self-actualization or self-realization.  The objects, events and people around their, personality, identify the, personality type.

Myrna: I’m thinking of an object and that identifies, personalities, and identities. I’m thinking of maybe an expensive car, a big house, nice expensive clothes. These objects around me definitely define my, personality.

True,  but  I  look at what do you like to do for fun?  What is your hobby? In my 35 question, personality test, I ask the questions like “What event caused you the most pleasure? What event caused you the most pain?”  I ask you to describe both, you will find they are linked to the same answer because they are linked to your, personality, and who you are. I am able to identify one of your, 16 personalities types, from this test.

Discover Your Life Theme: The, Personality, Engine That Drives You

Your Life Theme offers the, personality,  framework that gives shape to what motivates and drives you throughout your life.

You are not a, personality, you are an identity. That identity is driven by one of four archetypes or  “Life Themes.”

These “ Life Themes” are Love, Justice, Wisdom and Power.

These represent four and the only four major motivating forces that can explain human behavior.

These four archetypes have many roles and functions that compose our identity. It is their adequacy of expression that is responsible for us living a life of happiness and success.

While each of us contains all four, there is one that takes precedent over the others.

They are responsible for our feelings and emotional reactions often causing anxiety, fear, anger, self-doubt, alienation, the lack of life meaning and purpose.

Once you know your, personality, that’s driving your Archetype, you will be able to understand its presence and better manage your life and your relationships.

The Myers-Briggs Personalities Type Indicator

An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
  • Intuitive-Thinking. INTJ. INTP. ENTJ. ENTP.
  • Intuitive-Feeling. INFJ. INFP. ENFJ. ENFP.
  • Sensing-Judging. ISTJ. ISFJ. ESTJ. ESFJ.
  • Sensing-Perceiving. ISTP. ISFP. ESTP. ESFP.

According to, Myers-Briggs,  theory of, personality types,  people can be characterized by their preference of general attitude:

  • Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I), their preference of one of the two functions of perception:
  • Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:
  • Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)

The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:

  • Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

The 16 personalities types

The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.

The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.

The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.

The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.

All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of the corresponding combination of preferences:

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The motivation of each of the four Life Themes or, personalities types:

  • The Love Theme- is motivated to better humanity by trying to correct that which causes pain, discomfort, suffering, and victimization. It is driven by love, compassion, and empathy.
  • The Justice Theme – seeks balance and harmony. Justice is expressed in several ways. It seeks to correct injustice and immorality in people, relationships and organizations. It also gets expressed by seeking balance and perfection using design through engineering, art, music, and literature.
  • The Wisdom Theme – is driven by a need to know in order to exercise sound judgment in problem solving and goal attainment. Wisdom finds its expression and purpose through teaching, learning, and working with data.
  • The Power Theme – needs to act upon thoughts and get into action. Empowerment finds its expression and purpose through Power as a natural leader and agent of change.
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As you can see, there is something deeper than our, personality, at work that is running the show. Our, personality, is merely the way we appear in social situations. It is not what drives us.

What drives us are ancient archetypal forces based on moral and ethical virtues. I like to see these virtues as gifts that we are born with and are compelled to express and give throughout our life.

All of us need all four of the universal motivation systems regardless of our upbringing, opportunities, and physical attributes:

To download a copy of John Personality test quiz visit www.JohnVoris.com

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Additional Resources, Personalities.

https://myhelps.us/how-transform-your-career-with-purpose/

https://myhelps.us/the-secret-to-living-the-life-of-your-dreams/

https://myhelps.us/how-disable-your-autopilot-brain/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Type_A_and_Type_B_personality_theory

Authentic Identity Assessment

What Are the 12 Archetypes and Which One Dominates Your Personality

 

Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question how does rejection by a natural mother affect the child’s self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.

In her book  “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother’s Abandonment And Abuse.” Traci Thomas shares her story and how she got to the other side.

Here is Traci’s story:

On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it’s such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be.   It nonetheless served such a  great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following.  It’s one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively.  It’s one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand.  When you suffer from, abandonment, you’re in your own community and it’s isolating; but yet you’re so powerful at the same time.

With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment,  and it is a challenge, it’s a lot to muddle through.  However, once you get through it, and you’re on the other side, there’s nothing you can’t do.  So in my situation, it’s like a head of bipartisan.  I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time.  I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old.  That’s when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968.  I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States.  Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement.  That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.

I do remember one particular time my, mother,  did quote, unquote kidnap me.  She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she’s so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me.  She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that’s okay and that’s what I explained in the book.  It’s perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is.  It’s a supernatural definition.  I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what’s going on.  What’s happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you.  It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.

 

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What does Abandonment Issues Mean?

Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.

  • Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
  • Abandonment issues, may stem from  physical (the parent is not present in the child’s life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
  • Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance.  Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.

I want to comment on something you said that’s a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water.  Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don’t think they’re good enough.

When you feel, abandoned, it’s not your imagination.  When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It’s this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you’re a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can’t wait to get you off the phone.  When you’re in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.

Podcast interview Questions: Reflection, 4, Rejection

What was your Objective in writing “Reflection 4 Rejection ” —Surviving A Mother’s , Abandonment, And Abuse.?

On, reflection, once you’ve been in a situation where you’ve made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips,  anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive.  It’s toxic, and it’s unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards.  You literally feel as if you’ve been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.

You’re in tears and you’re shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you’ve got to kiss every behind in the universe.  You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me. That’s why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That’s why I engineered and composed the book.

My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn’t want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.

Power is something you take, nobody gives you power.  You snatch power.

So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing,  is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned,  in hindsight. Let’s  really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second.  If you really do this it’s not hard at all, you won’t have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins.   Kissing this one’s tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother,  love you, trying to buy this person,  begging for love, please love me, please like me.  You don’t have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It’s not necessary. I’m trying to save somebody 50 years.

Abandonment, from Relationships

Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected,  period?  I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned,  are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents.  Men can reject you, your friends can reject you,  jobs can fire you.  Is this information transferable?

I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a  child and a natural, mother.  This ironically is not, rejection,  and if you read the book you’ll totally comprehend what I’m speaking about.  The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you.  The natural, mother, doesn’t even know you.  How can somebody reject you when they don’t even know you?  That makes absolutely no sense.

I’ve seen that the trauma that it is caused in young  lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it’s kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.  If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side.  That’s good, I like that spin.

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What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?

I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.

What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?

It would be in their best interest even if they don’t get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book.  It’s their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not.  I mean that’s their choice; but with that being said.

Don’t ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth.  Don’t do that. Don’t ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.

I know you talked about your natural mother not  really rejecting you because she didn’t know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?

My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating.  He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling.  So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.

I’m not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass.  I can’t really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers,  who have gone through the same episode and they didn’t react that way.

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Abuse and Abandonment

  • One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach.  At those times were you ever angry?

What’s so interesting is that I got angry at the end.  Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what’s so flabbergasting to me is  that I didn’t get angry and livid until the very end.  I wasn’t angry at her, I was angry at me for participating.  I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration,  the hurt, the pain, the disappointment,  the monotony, and the redundancy.

Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you’re at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you’re free.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
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How did you handle Rejection and Reflection?

When you read the book  you’ll completely understand what’s going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Your, mother, didn’t reject you, she can’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.

Yes, I understand what you’re saying.  After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side,  you feel empowered like you can walk on water.  Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.

Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children  in many ways.

Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5

5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

https://myhelps.us/confidence/

Childhood trauma, #8

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.

https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.

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Additional Resources 

Uninvolved parenting, sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting, is a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child’s needs. Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-uninvolved-parenting-2794958

Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.

https://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/abuse-and-neglect-to-children-in-a-divorce-261.shtml

What are the Symptoms of Adult ADHD?

We most often associate, ADHD, with children; but statistics show that 60% of childhood, ADHD, transforms to, adult ADHD.

We as have seen or been parents to the child who never stops or sits down.

In addition to never sitting down they are also:

Symptoms of Childhood, ADHD

  • Are impulsive
  • Have trouble focusing
  • Have trouble managing their emotions
  • Have difficulty remembering information
  • Don’t start tasks (or don’t finish them)

So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?

Here is one woman’s story af adult adhd

I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD.  One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.

I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.

The two inattentive men,  naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.

Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.

 

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

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Adult ADHD symptoms

I’m curious about, Adult ADHD symptoms. Does kids with, ADHD,  become adults with, adult ADHD?

For clarity let’s make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD.  Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD,  is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in  childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it’s important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they’re seeing the adult exhibit.  Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.

Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?

Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.

What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?

When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use.  It gives you  clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed.  There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.

  1. Inattention
  2. Impulse Control
  3. Hyperactivity

We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don’t have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium.  Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.

ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.

Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?

 

The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.

  • Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
  • Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
  • Basal Ganglia. …
  • Reticular Activating System.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
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Adult ADHD test

To test for, adult ADHD, one has to look at the functions of the brain. The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected in ADHD. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.

The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement.  The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system.  It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.

Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?

No, not at all.  I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass.  I would love to see his research.

Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?

Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals.  I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.

if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
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Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?

I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD.  He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.

https://wellnessforce.com/dr-john-gray-adhd-brain-health-sex-addiction/

 

Shocking Facts About ADHD

  • One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
  • One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
  • Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness

 

Additional Resources Adult ADHD

https://myhelps.us/understanding-mental-illness-my-bipolar-life/

How to Disable your Autopilot Brain

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

https://www.verywellmind.com/add-and-attention-deficit-disorders-2161810#:~:text=Attention%20deficit%20disorder%20(ADD)%20is,completing%20tasks%20and%20social%20interaction.

 

What Is A Sponsor Of A Podcast

What is a sponsor, of a podcast. Are you curious as to, who sponsor podcasts, and why? Brands that sponsor podcasts, do so because, podcast marketing, is the best branding tool in this digital age. What is a sponsor of a podcast? A sponsor pays the Host to promote their product, service, or business during the podcast
The Transform Your Mind podcast is an exellent podcast for, brands that sponsor podcasts, to invest in. The show is in the top 25 in the Alternative Health genre on Chartable, rated the #1 self improvement podcast for women in the world, and plays on WDJY 99.1 FM Atlanta and PTWWN.TV worldwide television network and YouTube. 
Download the podcast here: 

Why You Should Sponsor The Transform Your Mind Radio show and Podcast.

`The mission of the, Transform your mind, Radio, and, podcast is to positively empower women around the world to improve their lives by Transforming their minds. To Help women use faith and belief that they can make their dreams a reality.

Tune in every Wednesday at 5 pm on the afternoon Drive  www.wdjyfm.com 

Why Sponsor This Podcast?

I asked the question on Quora ‘Why was podcast marketing was on the rise”  

How much does it cost to sponsor a podcast? Rates are charges according to the download numbers.  See the chart below.

Apple podcast Ads and Spotify podcast Ads,

See this article about Apple podcast Ads on Quora

https://www.quora.com/Does-Apple-podcast-have-ads

Simply put, because audience is large, consuming, podcasts, frequently, in variety, and much longer than other media. Best yet, this audience continues to grow year over year.

Podcast, creators in turn provide not only variety but also depth of conversations so advertisers can pick exactly the audience they want, and activate a very relevant message to that particular message.

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HelloFresh brands that sponsor podcasts
HelloFresh brands that sponsor podcasts

The facts and details:

  • Large audience: in the US alone, 40+ million people listen to podcasts on a weekly basis. Almost 70 million on a monthly basis!
  • Growing audience in all demographics: year over year growth of 20–25% in all demographics and ages
  • Variety of shows and episodes: for the people that watch, the average number of podcasts watched is 3+, and the average number of episodes is 5+ on a weekly basis
  • Long exposure: average duration of an episode being around 1 Hour, that means that Podcast listeners spend on average 5 hours listening to audio weekly. Compare that to the (continually plunging) number of hours spent on newspaper, magazine, radio, and TV… very competitive
  • Personable like never before: the Podcast experience is a very intimate one. People are either adding colors to the stories they are told, putting themselves into the topics, or having their questions answered. It’s a new level of connection to media
Podcast sponsor
Podcast sponsor

As a podcast sponsor your message will have a clearly defined audience

  • Podcasts have clearly defined audiences: with other media, specially broadcast, marketers were speaking to larger audiences, but also very diverse. Only mass-adoption products would make economical sense for advertising.
  • So we can tell ever more relevant stories and thus powerful messages: With, podcasts, interests are narrowly defined. This is a marketer’s heaven: tell an unique, crisp, interesting idea to an audience that is known. This message specificity will drive massive action: Product consideration and purchase, adherence to social communities, and increased loyalty and recommendation.

Here are the top 30 Brands that sponsor podcasts in 2023

SPONSORED AD

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.’ Is something preventing you from achieving your goals? • Are you aware of what is interfering with your happiness? Speaking with a therapist gives you clarity on what’s keeping you from success. Head over to BetterHelp.com/transformyourmind

•BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist – • This a safe and private online environment and it’s so convenient • You can start speaking with your therapist within 48 hours. Anything you share is confidential.

BetterHelp offers Licensed professional counselors who are specialized in: Depression, StressAnxiety Relationships, Sleeping disorders, TraumaAnger, family conflicts, LGBT, Grief and Self esteem issues.

The service is available for clients worldwide and is affordable.

Listen, I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you’ll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com/transformyourmind.  Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health.

Player FM Transform Your Mind
Player FM Transform Your Mind

Promising Future For Brands That Sponsor Podcasts

I see a promising future for, podcasts, and, podcast sponsors, the opportunity to connect with people in a personable yet scalable way.

As a, podcast sponsor,  for the Transform Your Mind Radio Hour and podcast. Your message will be heard on the radio by more than  30,000 + weekly listeners, and more than 400,000 monthly listeners on all podcast players, including  iTunes podcast, Tunein, Stitcher, Google Play Spotify, Castbox, Soundcloud, iHeart Radio, and on my YouTube video Channel, Apple, Spotify, Google, Amazon,  Pandora, iHeart Radio, TuneIn + Alexa, Podcast Addict, Podchaser, Pocket Casts, Deezer, Listen Notes, Player FM  and  Blog.

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For rates please check out Advertisecast https://www.advertisecast.com/TransformyourMind

About this Podcast and our audience

The Transform your Mind radio and, podcast, airs every week on the afternoon drive 5 pm to 6 pm on WDJY 99.1 FM, in the Metro Atlanta area and on the internet on internet radio at www.wdjyfm.com. The target audience are minority women between the ages of 25  to 55 years old who want to improve the quality of their lives through Life coaching and a Mindset shift.

Growth

605,000
Hype Media Global Stations cumulative Listeners

Listeners per episode

30,000+ weekly listeners WDJY 99.1 FM Atlanta, Georgia -The Transform Your Mind radio Hour

60,000 monthly podcast downloads from all players

Transform your Mind podcast Internet and Podcast Demographics

605,000
Stations cumulative
Listeners

What is a sponsor of a podcast

Podcasting is one of the most talked-about forms of modern entertainment, because it combines the advantages of on-demand digital media and mobile in a format that is singularly intimate.

Why Brands that sponsor podcasts do so 

  • Brands that sponsor podcasts, do so for the following reasons:
  • Podcast listeners,  are educated. Have a Bachelor’s degree or higher and read a lot
  • 32% of them listen while they work out
  • 52% listen in the car
  • 37% listen while taking public transportation
  • 46% listen while travelling
  • 40% listen while walking, running or biking
  • Podcast listeners, are loyal, 88% listen to all episodes
  • Podcast listeners, are engaged, 61% of them buy something they heard about on a, podcast AD.
  • More women are listening to, podcasts
  • Sponsor this, podcast because African Americans are a growing, podcast, demographic.
  • Millennial’s are the most desirable age demographic
  • Repetition is key.
  • One spot, one time, on one show simply won’t generate the results you’re after. Sponsor this, podcast for a series of shows and build brand awareness.
  • “Ideally, find a host/show which you feel is a good fit and commit for a year. Gather data on how your customers found you, and run the numbers at around month nine when you’re determining whether or not to renew.”

How much do podcast Ads cost

AdvertiserCast released the following average rates based on the reporting data for nearly 3,000 podcasts. For a 30-second ad, the cost per mile (or cost per 1,000 listeners) is about $18. For a 60-second ad, the cost per mile is about $25.

So, if you’re looking to reach 10,000 listeners and you need one spot for a 30-second ad, you’re looking at about $180. For the same reach, but a longer ad of 60 seconds, the estimated cost according to their industry average is $250.

Podchaser’s average rates for ad spots are more or less the same as AdvertiserCast’s data. For a 25-second pre-roll ad spot, they reveal that you’ll pay about $15 CPM. A mid-roll ad that can be as long as 60 seconds will cost you double that, while a 25-second post-roll ad will work out the cheapest at about $10 CPM on average.

On the other hand, The Atlantic suggests that podcast ad rates can be as much as $40 per 1,000 listeners, while other online sources suggest that it can be as high as $50.

Podchaser also lists average ad costs for podcasts that generate a lot of listeners. According to their data, you can expect to pay anything from $1,000 to $3,000 to purchase an ad on a podcast that generates 100,000 listens.

PODCAST ADS DELIVER EFFECTIVE RESULTS

PODCAST LISTENERS, BUY PRODUCTS
FROM, PODCAST SPONSORED, ADS

61% of, podcast listeners, say that they bought something after hearing an ad on our shows.

SPONSOR A PODCAST AND DRIVE MORE ENGAGEMENT TO YOUR BRAND

In a three month head-to-head test against radio, Sling Media found 2 – 3 times more engagement from their podcast ads.

PODCAST SPONSOR  PRICING RATES FOR THE TRANSFORM YOUR MIND PODCAST

https://www.advertisecast.com/TransformyourMind

Or contact Myrna Young  directly @ [email protected]

Be Shamelessly Persistent: Keep Knocking Until the Door Is Opened

In this life coaching podcast episode, I’ll explore the concept of being, shamelessly persistent, and how it can be a transformative force in your life.

Download the podcast here:

https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13703295-be-shamelessly-persistent-keep-knocking-until-the-door-is-opened.mp3?download=true

Introduction:

In Luke chapter 11: Jesus shares a story of a man knocking on the door of his friend’s house asking for 3 loaves of bread to feed a guest at his house. His friend yelled through the door. Go away we are retired for the night. But Jesus teaches that if the man kept knocking his friend will eventually get up and give him the bread because of his, shameless persistence, and so Jesus said I tell you, keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for, keep seeking and you will find. Keep knocking and the door will be opened to you.

So today in this life coaching session with coach Myrna I want to encourage you to be, shamelessly persistent. I remember way back my pastor called me tenacious.  I was not sure if that was a compliment but it was, it meant that I was, shamelessly persistent, in getting what I want.

In the journey of life, obstacles and closed doors are inevitable. Whether you’re pursuing a personal goal, a career aspiration, or seeking to overcome challenges, the key to success often lies in, unrelenting persistence. It’s about refusing to let setbacks and closed doors define your path.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Here are 5 areas in you life to be shamelesly persistent.

  1. **Dealing with Rejection:**

Rejection can be disheartening, but it’s also a stepping stone towards success. Embracing, shameless persistence, means that you don’t let a “No” deter you. You keep knocking on doors, sending out applications, or pursuing your dreams until you hear a “Yes.”

  1. **Learning and Adaptation:**

Being, shameless persistent, isn’t about mindlessly repeating the same actions. It’s about learning from each attempt and adapting your approach. This continuous improvement leads to increased chances of success.

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  1. **Building Confidence:**

Each knock on a closed door takes courage. Over time, these actions build your confidence and resilience. You learn that you can handle rejection and setbacks, making you even more determined to succeed.

  1. **Inspiring Others:**

Your unwavering persistence can inspire those around you. When people see your determination, they may offer support, guidance, or opportunities you wouldn’t have received otherwise.

  1. **Achieving Goals:**

Some doors are heavy, and it takes multiple knocks to open them. However, if you stop knocking, you’ll never know what was behind that door. Persistence often leads to breakthroughs and the achievement of your goals.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Examples of success after being shamelessly persistent :

  1. **Famous Authors:** Many renowned authors faced numerous rejections before their works were published. J.K. Rowling, for example, received multiple rejection letters for “Harry Potter” before finding a publisher who saw its potential. J.K was, shamelessly persistent, and it paid off.
  2. **Entrepreneurs:** Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the company he co-founded. Instead of giving up, he started other ventures and eventually returned to Apple, transforming it into one of the most successful tech companies in history.
  3. **Inventors:** Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work” when working on the light bulb. His, shameless persistence,  led to one of the most transformative inventions in history.

Conclusion:

Being, shamelessly persistent, means embracing rejection, learning from it, and using it as fuel to knock on more doors. It’s about recognizing that closed doors are not the end of the road but opportunities waiting to be unlocked. So, whatever your goals, dreams, or challenges may be, remember this mantra: Keep knocking until the door is opened. Your persistence might just be the key to your success.

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/vision-fails-5-things-after-failure/

 

How to Deal with Grief from Death or Incarceration

Coping with, grief,  either from death, divorce, incarceration, job loss, or even loosing your home is devastating. Mental Health counselor, Arifah Yusaf  and, Life Coach, Myrna Young shares strategies for coping with loss.

I have been fortunate at 60 years old to not had to deal with the kind of, grief, that tears your soul out. The kind that of,  grief,  makes you want to die. The kind that  hurt so bad that you can’t get up out of bed for weeks.

I have heard stories, and I have had a front row seat to my daughters grief when she buried her fiancé.

Grief from Losing a Child:

I was listening to an interview with Anderson Cooper a few months back and he was telling the story of his brother suicide. Then I heard his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt,  talk about it. Put yourself in this scene.

Your 22 year old son wakes up from a nap and comes into your room. Asks you some question you don’t comprehend and then runs out of your room onto the balcony of your 12th story Penthouse suite and jumps to his death while you watch, shocked out of your mind.

Gloria Vanderbilt, had this experience. In an interview she said in her, grief, she stayed in bed for 2 weeks and cried and cried until she ran out of tears. Since then she has not cried once. She says it is as if, she has no tears left.

When a loved one commits suicide the, grief, is even more acute because there is blame wondering what you may have missed, could have done to prevent it, are you the cause etc.

But after hearing that interview, I heard another interview on the, Mental Health Happy Hour podcast, that penetrated my consciousness about the horror or, grief,

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

Grief and the Death of a Spouse:

The guest told the story about, the death of her spouse, seeing her husband drown in front of her and how her world changed from that day.

Here is her story. She said her husband Matt was a super athlete very strong. She gave us the mental picture of him hanging from a cliff with one hand and in the other hand pulling up his 17 year old son.

One day before they picked up her husband’s son from the Airport, they decided to take their dog for a walk in the woods by their home. Her husband decided to take a quick swim in the river, something he did several times per week. She decided to keep playing with the dog.

After some time, she said she heard her husband cough once and she didn’t think anything of it. She said to herself, he got water into his mouth again. When she heard him cough again, she decided to investigate. When she reached the river, she saw her husband clinging to a branch in river. She knew something was wrong.

The river looked the same as it always looked, very calm on top; but as soon as she stepped into the river to help her husband, she felt the strong undercurrent. The current took her and her dog up the river for about 2 miles before it spit them out on the shore. She said she was then lost in the woods for about 45 mins before she was able to get help.

They began a search and rescue for her husband, but  after 3 hours it became a search and recovery.

They found him entangled in weeds at the bottom of the river.

My husband drowned in front of me

Her, grief, extended to having to tell Matt’s son that his father was dead. What it felt like to pick up Matt’s son from the airport the day before his 18th birthday.

Knowing that Matt’s son could never again celebrate his birthday again because it will always be the anniversary of his Dad’s death. She talked about having to call Matt’s parents and tell them their son was dead. She said his father hung up on her he didn’t want to believe it. Calling all his friends in his phone and telling them. Her, grief,  was unbearable.

She said she could no longer practice her profession as a therapist, because she couldn’t listen to other people’s problems anymore. But the point she wanted to convey by telling her story, was that while she was in mystery and her world changed forever, her neighbors world and everyone else’s world continued unchanged.

The sun came up the next day, her neighbor came out the next day and picked up his morning newspaper. She likened it to going to the movies, you pay to see a comedy but while everybody else is laughing your screen split and you are watching a horror movie.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Grief from Suicide:

My firsthand experience with, grief, was seeing the pain it caused my daughter when her fiancé committed suicide. His mother called me and I thought she was joking when she said ” The boy killed himself” until she said why would I joke about something like that.

I had the unenviable role of telling my daughter her fiancé was dead. I can still hear her screens of anguish. I didn’t know what to do.

Her world changed. She quit school. She was doing her Masters degree at the time.

She went back later; but I had to call her professors and tell them the situation.

Then she had to deal with the funeral and the burial.

I didn’t know what to do, what to say or how to help her with her, grief.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

The therapist said that most people don’t know what to do or say.

Because our culture spins the tale that life must go on and that everything has a purpose.

She feels that is bullshit to sat that her husband died, so that she can use her pain to help other people. What she is doing now.

She said you can’t tell a mother who lost her baby that God had better plans for the child.

We will go through her suggestions for helping others deal with, grief, and what you can do to help later on in this blog

Here is how to deal with, grief from incarceration: Grief Counseling,

In the co-host chair is Arifah Yusuf Mortley, registered social worker, mental health counselor and founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.

How is, grief from incarceration, similar to losing a loved one in death?

In my experience I have supported both clients in, grief counseling, dealing with, grief, of a loved one who died and secondary loss, such as losing a loved one to incarceration. When speaking with my clients, dealing with the loss of a loved one, I always listen and provide the space and opportunity for them to be heard and share their feelings.

It’s important for them to know during, grief counseling, that grief, is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense your, grief, will be.

Emotional reactions of, grief,  can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair.

During, grief counseling, clients may associate grieving with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of, grief, but you can also experience intense, grief from incarceration,  or losing a loved one to incarceration.  For example, I had a client who was pregnant and her fiancé was sentenced to 6 years in prison.

Grief while incarcerated

Even though he did not die the, grief, was intense from her watching him get sentenced and taken away the same day, delivering their baby without him present, and raising their child on her own.  She would drive 3 hours to visit him and 3 hours back home once a month and speak to him as often, as she could afford.

Over time the, grief from incarceration, took a toll on her, as this was not the family life she had envisioned for herself.  Likewise, it was difficult for her fiancé in prison, as he felt he was missing out on the experience of raising their child, and the experience of being the father he promised himself and her, he would be.

He felt disappointment in himself and a disconnection to his family. He also, experienced, grief,  from loosing his freedom, and the ability to provide for his family.  He also grieved missing all the milestones of his child’s life (ie. Missing first words, walk, first day of school, birthdays) and intense worry about their health and safety. As well, wondering if his girl would leave him for someone else. The inevitable of not being able to fully control situations, was an intense loss for them both, and sometimes, she would say it felt as if he was gone and not coming back home.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Steps to helping friends or family members deal with, Grief:

1: Never say get over it or it is for the best.

2: Allow them to grieve. If they want to talk about it listen. They need to feel heard. In fact they will talk about it until they feel heard.

  1. Help them by taking care of daily necessities like child care, cooking, cleaning, taking out the trash, picking up kids from school etc. A person in, grief, is not capable of doing any of these things.
  2. Sit with the thought that time does heal. The therapist went back to work helping others, my daughter went back to school and graduated on time with her Masters degree. She is getting married in December. Anderson Cooper decided to send himself to the war zone and report news. That is how he dealt with his, grief. That launched his career as a reporter.

How to Deal with grief from incarceration or death

Listen and engage  in conversations about the loss, so they can begin to recognize the reality of the loss and confront their own emotions (e.g. loneliness, sadness, helplessness). These stressors include things like thoughts, feelings, actions, and memories that cause us to feel, grief, and focus on the loss.

I share the Tear Model when working with clients, which focuses in on the following.

The Tear Model to help with, Grief

  • Accept the reality of the loss
  • Experience the reality of the loss
  • Adjust to a new life without the person
  • Reinvest in the new reality

I often explain that restorationorientation refers to coping with issues related to secondary changes brought on by the loss (e.g., financial, family demands), and adapting to these issues.

A griever will go between confronting the loss and avoiding the loss.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Helpful ways to cope with, Grief, and Loss

  • Express yourself. Talking to a trust friend, family member or counselor is often a good way to soothe painful emotions.
  • Allow yourself to feel sad. It’s a healthy part of the grieving process.
  • Keep your routine up.
  • Sleep.
  • Listen to music or express your emotions using the arts
  • Connect with your spiritually.
  • Eat healthy and exercise.
  • Avoid drugs and alcohol.
  • Honor your special person and treasure fond memories (drawing, photos, music, and memory box).
  • Connect to nature – go for a walk, breathe in the fresh, focus on what you see outside (i.e. Trees, birds).
  • Make a special memento to perverse a loved one’s memory. Write a letter to the person.
  • Lean on support from friends, family, professional support.
  • Learn about grief resources, support groups, grief professionals.
Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

 

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FOR COPING WITH, GRIEF

How to Heal Your Brokenness

Life After Death: How an Atheist Became a Believer

https://myhelps.us/how-to-find-the-right-man-the-second-time-around/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3131745/

 

https://www.themarshallproject.org/2017/11/10/the-singular-sorrow-of-grieving-behind-bars

 

Using Muse Guided Meditations to Reduce Stress

Guided Meditations, has been proven to make real changes in your brain, like in the  actual structure of your brain. Using Muse, guided meditations, helps you focus.

Today I am speaking to Ariel Garten, Psychotherapist and founder of Muse Headband for, guided meditations.

Muse Headband comes with, free guided meditations, and help to reduce stress and improve sleep.

This topic that’s near and dear to my heart because I am a meditator.  So I am going to be learning as much from you as our audience on, guided meditations, and using, Muse Headband for meditation.

Ariel,  How did your work in psychotherapy and neuroscience lead you to becoming the founder of Muse?

How Muse guided meditations started

My story is a really varied one. I was always interested in everything and how the world worked and how we work; so I went to school for neuroscience, so that I could learn more about the brain.  Our brain creates our experiences of life.  The movements of chemicals across our sinapps  create the experience of being happy of feeling connected to one another.

I became trained as a psychotherapist and so in psychotherapy so that I could  work one-on-one with people to help them understand the narratives that play in their minds, these are the stories that are in their head and shapes their existence.  I help them shift those narratives and stories so that they could be more comfortable with the life that they’re living.  I became really fascinated by brain waves.  Brain waves are the electrical energy that comes off your head. It’s real information from your brain.

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Muse guided meditations use brain feedback loops

I began working with a professor at the University of Toronto and and we began to use an EEG system eg or sensors to detect brain waves to listen to people’s brain activity and create feedback loops.  We could literally make sounds from the energy coming off of people heads. We were actually creating musical experiences as you shifted your brain state from focused to relaxed.

I stood back and started to recognize that we could actually create company around this technology and uses this for human good.   I got together with my co-founders Chris and Trevor, two friends of mine one who’s an amazing electrical engineer the other amazing business person and the three of us set off to bring, Muse Headband for Meditation,  to the world.

In psychotherapy I would be teaching people to meditate as one of the tools to help them,  transform their mind,  but we all know that meditation is incredibly hard to do because most of us can’t quiet our minds. I sucked at meditation.  I teach it to my patients and they would go home and try to do it but their brains would bounce all over the place and they would be frustrated.

Muse Headband for meditation, gives you real-time feedback on your brain during, guided meditation.

Muse gives you audio feedback.  You’re actually hearing your brain state and it’s helping you guide yourself back into that state of focus when your mind wanders off.

When I meditate, there’s certain times that I can sit there and just concentrate on my breathing, and then the next time I’ve got all these thoughts that are bouncing around.  When you recognize that you’re no longer concentrating on your breathing you bring it back but that could be 30 mins later.

What is, Guided meditation?

Meditation is simply a practice or a training that leads to healthy and positive mind. It’s an exercise that you do regularly that leads to improvements in your mind and your brain.  The most common form of meditation that most people do first is a focused attention meditation. You might hear different forms of meditation and they all have a lot of similarities with their basics and focused attention.

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Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

How does Guided meditations work?

You focus your attention on your breath or part of your body.  Eventually your mind wanders away from the thing you’re paying attention to or the voice on the, guided meditation, onto a thought or a distraction and it’s your job to notice that your mind has wandered and come back to your breath.  It is incredibly simple.  You’re putting your attention on your breath, your mind wanders you realize your mind is wandered and instead of following your wandering mind you choose to come back to your breath. Your guide from the, guided meditations, would remind you to follow your breathe.

How to Meditate?

  1. Sit or lie comfortably. You may even want to invest in a meditation chair or cushion.
  2. Close your eyes. …
  3. Make no effort to control the breath; simply breathe naturally.
  4. Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation.
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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

What are the benefits of, guided meditation?

Focusing on your breath and returning to your breath is big deal.  When you do this really simple exercise, some pretty profound things happen to your mind and brain. Most of us just kind of go through the world on autopilot.  We just go through the world with a bunch of thoughts in our head and we assume we’re supposed to be thinking them.  We’re thinking about our brother who’s not feeling well or the groceries that we’re supposed to get or with the thing in front of us that we don’t really care about.

What happens is as soon as you engage in , guided meditations, and you put your attention breathwork, your mind wanders into one of those thoughts and you choose to say.  I don’t want to follow this wandering thought, I want to control my mind and put it elsewhere, on my breathe.  All of a sudden you have changed the relationship to your thoughts and that is HUGE.  You’re no longer just subject to the thoughts that are in your head, you can actually have control over them.  You can have dominion over your own mind. Every time you do this you get better and better at saying hey I don’t want to follow that thought, I want to come back to this, guided meditation, and my breathe.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

A lot of the thoughts that we have are negative, frustrating and repetitive so instead of just following these negative, frustrating,  repetitive thoughts and assuming that’s what happens, we can now observe them and say heck NO,  I don’t like that thought.  I don’t want to go there and choose to come back to focused attention and, guided meditations.

The benefits of guided meditations

There’s literally over a thousand published studies demonstrating the benefits of, guided  meditation, and its impact on your mind your body:

  • Improves your GRE scores,
  • improves your working memory,
  • decrease your stress levels,
  • improves your attention and focus
  • improves your rest and relax response
  • takes you out of the flight or fight response

Deepak Chopra introduced me to, guided meditation,  maybe 10 – 15 years ago.  I have been a meditator for a while and there is a significant difference in everything about me because of meditation. One benefit is that I am able to relieve pain by breathing into the area.

There’s a ton of studies that demonstrate, guided meditations,  potential to improve pain.

One study shows a novice meditator or a short-term learning meditation can reduce their pain by 50%, expert meditators have been shown to be able to reduce their pain levels by 90%.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Muse Headband for meditation,  has agency G and heart rate sensors inside of it that track your brain during your meditation.  The same way that a heart rate monitor will track your heart while you’re at the gym and let you know when you’re in the fat-burning zone.

Muse Headband for meditation, tracks your brain during, guided meditation, to let you know when you’re in focused attention. When your mind is wandering, it actually lets you hear the sound of your mind.  It lets you know when you’re focused and it warns you when your mind has wandered off and then guides you back into that state of focused attention.  Muse Headband for meditation, use really beautiful audio cues that you hear through your phone, in the same way a Fitbit connects with your phone.

What happens to our brain during, Guided Meditation?

Meditation has been proven to make real changes in your brain, like in the  actual structure of your brain.  It’s quite amazing.  There’s an amazing study from Dr. Sarah Lazar she’s a researcher at Harvard and she’s shown that meditation that can increase the thickness of your prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is the area of your brain right under your forehead and it’s the part of your brain that’s responsible for planning, organization and higher-order thinking.

It’s the thing that like separate us from other animals.  As Humans we have really developed prefrontal cortex.  As we age our prefrontal cortex actually becomes thinner;  but Dr Lazar was able to show that people with a long term, guided meditation, practices were able to maintain the thickness of their prefrontal cortex even as they aged.  So quite amazing, guided meditation, actually was able to reverse the aging process by maintaining our prefrontal cortex.

Through the, guided meditation, process it actually strengthens the ability of your prefrontal cortex to now regulate your amygdala.  It’s like your prefrontal cortex is the parent and the amygdala is the little three-year-old having a temper tantrum.

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TuneIn Radio

Can our Set point for Happiness be changed by, guided meditations to reduce stress?

Our set point is our capacity for happiness,  and apparently it is set very early in life from our parents or our caretakers.  Deepak Chopra says that, guided meditation,  can move that set point so your capacity for happiness increases. I thought this statement was interesting enough for us to include it in our conversation today, so can you touch on the neuroscience behind this statement.

During, guided  meditations,  you begin to recognize that you can have control over your thoughts.  Typically the next thing that happens is you recognize that you are not your thoughts, and if you are not your thoughts you are also not all of the stories about yourself that your thoughts have been telling you about you. At some point with meditators there’s this unbelievable shift where you realize that like you know the things that you learned about yourself in the grade 3 school yard when you were being picked on are not true. So you let go of that perspective in the same way you let go those negative thoughts and that is unbelievably liberating. So your capacity for happiness or set point shifts.

Additional Resources for, Guided Meditations

https://myhelps.us/how-to-reprogram-your-unconscious-mind/

https://myhelps.us/the-top-7-reasons-meditation-can-help-your-business-increase-revenues/

How to be Happy: The Happiness Formula

https://www.headspace.com/meditation/sleep

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/201304/how-reset-your-happiness-set-point

 

How to Find your Passion in Life

Have you found your, passion? Passion, is that burning desire that God placed in your belly at birth.  It is also called your burning bush.

In this episode I reference the Final chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”

I call this chapter “God’s consuming fire your , passion.

In this chapter of my book  “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.

Free Download: Out of the Snares, How to Heal your Brokenness
Out of the Snares

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”

— Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch

What is Passion

Passion it is that thing that you were created to do. The thing that makes you feel good when you are doing it, like you transcended your body and entered the heavens. The thing that you would do all day for free.

What was Kobe Bryant burning bush? His Passion

Kobe Bryant was born with a purpose, he got the genes and the physical attributes to be a basketball player but;  he had to engage his, passion. 

Purpose  is what you were placed on the earth to do, it is  your contribution to mankind. The first way to uncover your, passion, is to find out what holds your interest and what you love doing.  God gave you your gift of purpose, and you’re not always passionate about your purpose; but if you can marry it to your, passion, it’s like pouring gasoline on the fire. You have to feed your, passion. That’s what  Kobe Bryant did and that is why he is a Legend. No one out worked him, he wanted to be the best and win championships. 

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One of the self-evaluation questions I ask my new coaching clients is “If you were the Power-ball winner of $500,000,000. What would you do with your time?” You see, when you take away the need to earn money, then your head becomes clear as to what your passion really is.

In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

For Walt Disney it was drawing and Art. Walt started drawing as an ambulance driver in the army. Then he became a commercial artist.  After being let go from his company, he decided to start his own graphics company. His company failed from bad management. Walt had a string of failures that included bankruptcy before he found success.  He married Art with imagination and created the happiest place on earth. His passion for drawing birth an empire that has gross revenues today in the billions of dollars.

Walt Disney World is now visited by over 5 million families every year, Annual cash flow from Disney’s consortium of products and films are in excess of 21 billion dollars.  It includes 535 Disney stores, a cable television station, amusement parks in Orlando, California, Paris and more. All because he would not let the fire in his belly die.

So what would you do for free?

How did Sylvester Stallone Find his, Passion?

Sylvester Stallone was born disabled. He suffered injury at birth that left one side of his mouth deformed and caused him to speak funny. Sylvester’s passion was born from being hungry. Like Les Brown would say “You got to be Hungry” Sylvester was broke and hungry. He was walking the street one day, cold and hungry and he decided to go into a library to stay warm. Laying on the table was a book about a fighter who overcame odds to win.

That inspired Sylvester Stallone to go write the Rocky story. He wrote that story in one sitting. He did not stop for 20 hours. That inspiration was the gasoline that lit the fire that God put inside him. Again he married passion with imagination and wrote a story that resonated with each and every one of us. The story of Rocky. It made him a millionaire many times over.

“When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.”

— John Wesley

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Back in the day, Stallone was a struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife’s jewelry and sold it. Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes, he slept at the New York bus station for 3 days. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to a stranger. He didn’t have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold his dog for $25. He says he walked away crying.

Two weeks later, he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie, ROCKY. He wrote the script in 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR, Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.

They said he “Looked funny and talked funny”. He left with his script. A few weeks later, the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie, but NOT him. He said NO. He was not selling out, if they did not cast him, they couldn’t buy his script. It worked.  They wanted the script so badly, that they cast his as Rocky and history was made.

What is exactly the, Meaning of, Passion 

Passion,  is that which deeply stirs us or a developmental perspective, so it’s like the essence of our commitment.  Passion is the thing that drives us. You might hear older individuals say they “lost their will to live,” that means they lost their passion, their fuel.   Just like a child requires love to grow, we require passion to continue to grow inside. 

When we selectively share our, passion,  we engage the universe to manifest our, passion. 

It’s like putting gasoline on your fire when you engaged your, passion.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

How did J.K Rowling Find Her, Passion?

J.K Rowling was a single parent, a divorcee and out of work. On a train ride from Manchester to London she got the inspiration to create the Harry Potter story. But she was already a published author. Writing her first book at 6 years old and another at 11 years old. She became an English teacher because her passion was writing. Ms Rowling says

Failure stirs the fire in your belly to do something about your passion.

In 2015  J.K. Rowling’s 2008 Harvard commencement speech was published under the title ‘Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination’

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Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

My, passion, is learning, building and imparting. As a Life coach, author and motivational speaker, I am constantly learning, building and imparting into the lives of others.   I could do it all day and I do it for free.

Find your, passion!

“There is no greater thing you can do with your life and your work than follow your passions – in a way that serves the world and you.” Richard Branson

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How to find your Passion in life

What I encourage people to do is to focus on the positive at all times.  If they remove the negative, those emotional vampires, they will let the light in. Once you move away or walk away or even run away from negativity, you can begin to find your,  passion in life. Be passionate about whatever you desire, it doesn’t matter what it is, be passionate about it by surrounding yourself with those people who are similar in Life or those people who have already done it. 

I remember people talking about Diana Ross, one of my favorite people. They were so upset with her for continually surrounding herself around for White people, and she told them she surrounds herself with anyone regardless of color who is going in the same direction as she or where she wants to go. 

The common complaint among a lot of people is that they need to, ‘find their passion.’

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Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.

The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.

Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.

This book is a life-changer, and I recommend you go out and get it now. The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel. Available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Order today!

Additional Resources How to Find Your Passion

https://myhelps.us/8-find-your-passion-it-is-your-burning-bush/

https://myhelps.us/how-to-win-at-the-game-of-life/

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-passion-and-desire

https://www.forbes.com/sites/timothyjmcclimon/2018/11/12/purpose-vs-passion-in-leadership-which-do-you-need-most/

5 Differences Between Finding Your Passion and Finding Your Purpose

8 Secrets to Sexy Total Health

Sexy total health, is not about how you look on the outside but on the inside. When you become conscious of these secrets, you embody, total health care.

When you become conscious of nature, mental health, presence and spirituality you have, sexy total health.

In this episode of the Transform your Mind radio and podcast, Host Myrna Young, Life Coach, interviews UDO ERASMUS, founder of Udo’s Choice, author of the book Fats and Oils: The Complete Guide to Fats and Oils in Health and Nutrition and Total Sexy Health. Udo shares his 8 secrets to Sexy, Total Health.

Udo: I can remember the fear the anxiety I had as a child growing up during the second world war in Europe,  Sometimes you will hear me say that I was born in hell; and with a lot of help from visible and invisible friends, walked a long crooked path from there to heaven. I became a good reader of adventure stories, to escape hell even in the mind.  

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As I grew older, along the way, I tried out many things and learned a lot. Every trade and job, every movement or breath and every step led me to the next turn on the path to find new, different and out-of-the-box possibilities.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

I discovered that just like you  take time to go to the bathroom,  or time for breakfast everyday, you should take time to create awareness.  Go back inside to the core of your being, to the magnificence of your soul. 

You are not your body, you are the owner of the of your body. 

That is why I created, Sexy Total Health.

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
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 My question to you is,  how much time do you spend with the owner of your body to create, total health? 

Myrna: Interestingly, I was listening to Dr Deepak Chopra on  Facebook live this morning and he was teaching about communing with nature and  negative ions from plants and trees. I started touching shrubs as I passed them in the park on my morning walk. I am seeking sexy, total health, myself. 

Udo: After searching for purpose for several years, I took a job as a pesticide sprayer and ended up with pesticide poisoning. Trying to cure myself, I started studying oils and fats. Frying your foods in oil  is associated with all kinds of problems including diabetes, inflammatory diseases like arthritis, and also with cardiovascular problems. So I developed a method for making them under protection from oxygen and heat. Oils are the most sensitive and therefore most easily damaged of the essential nutrients. Light, oxygen in the air, and high temperature damage them, and then they damage your body.

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Hypnosis-Everywhere with Ines Simpson explores, dissects, discusses and opens up the world of Hypnosis. You will discover that Hypnosis is a very big world indeed. In Hypnosis-Everywhere, Ines offers you tools and answers to deal with that tricky mind of yours, and proven ways to enrich your life.

Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other

webpage https://hypnosis.simpsonprotocol.com/hypnosis-on-the-radio

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Did you get enough of the omega-3 or  Flaxseed oil in your diet? 99% of the population don’t get enough omega-3 needed for, total health care,  

Total health, is more than just using the right oils,  actually everything affects your, total health. For example your politics affect your, total health. if there’s something going on that isn’t  right with the heart or right with, total health care,  then it stresses you out.  

How active you are affect your sexy, total health,  the water you drink affect your, total health,  but we focus mostly on on the interaction with the world. Our kids, our employer, the religious system, or the educational system, or the political system.  Our awareness does not go inside.

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Here are the 8 Secrets of Sexy Total Health

  1. Digestion – EXCESS CARBOHYDRATES TURN OFF YOUR FAT BURNING GENES. Since excess carbohydrates (eating more of them than your body burns) can cause many health problems, it is only logical, practical and important that your body makes sure that you burn carbohydrates first.
  2. Nutrition – Fats and oils come in two completely contradictory forms. There are fats/oils that heal, and there are fats/oils that kill. The truth is that to make good choices for better health, you have to know which is which, and then choose the fats/oils that heal. More physical health problems come from bad (damaged) oils than from any other part of nutrition. Knowing how to use oils is essential to sexy, total health. 
  3. Mental health – Becoming aware of being aware, you discover both the calm stillness that is awareness’ nature, and everything else that unfolds in that stillness. Real, true, personal peace and mental health has its roots in the core of your existence beyond your senses. With that awareness, you can solve the challenges and conflicts within you and surrounding you. Mental health is essential to, total health.
  4. Presence – Presence underpins your essence and being. Your emptiness is not empty. It’s filled with your undiscovered magnificence and the precursor to sexy, total health.  Don’t get stuck in the words. Words only point at essence; they are not essence. Let them float in the space of your being, and become aware of that space in you.
  5. Consciousness – Consciousness is the field physicists call God.  Consciousness is everywhere. It is omnipresent, in charge of everything going on in the entire universe.
  6. Emotional awareness – Lack of awareness of your internal foundation begins your problems. Awareness of that internal foundation makes practical solutions to your problems available and accessible. Aware and focused in stillness, you find insights and knowledge. Stillness is the only known reliable practice for deepening insights. They are your best source of power, wisdom and manifestation. Live your life focused. Be focused in the present, which contains all that exists. Nothing is more powerful than the present moment.
  7. Natural living – clean water, clean food, clean air and being in nature
  8. Sleep –  is Life Energy it inspires creativity  and necessary for sexy, total health. 

Download your FREE copy of  Total Sexy Health Here:

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The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walk-through of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.

Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.

This book is a life-changer, and I recommend you go out and get it now. The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel. Available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Order today!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP1uiHcAik8&feature=youtu.be

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/using-muse-guided-meditations-to-reduce-stress/

How to be Happy: The Happiness Formula

How Nutritional Supplements Help you Achieve Optimum Health

https://www.muscleandstrength.com/articles/sexy-health-equals-healthy-sex.html

https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1033497/reasons-feeling-sexy-is-important-for-your-health/

How To Heal From Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, survivors abuse drugs because it helps them cope with or block out the traumatic memories.

Today on the Transform your mind podcast, we look at Karmen’s story, from the book “Call me an Addict, War on Women” by Dr Tra Ahia.  First, I want to establish a connection between, Childhood sexual trauma and addiction.

Adults abused as children are reportedly 1.5 times more likely to say they used illicit drugs as compared to individuals who were not abused as children. The age of onset for non-experimental drug use with, Childhood sexual trauma  and addiction, survivors is around 14.

Studies indicate that drug abuse is more common than alcohol use in adolescents who have been sexually traumatized and have found a link to, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, survivors abuse drugs because it helps them:

  • cope with or block out the traumatic memories.
  • deal with feelings of isolation and loneliness.
  • improve feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.
  • cope with mental health problems such as anxietydepression, and PTSD.
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

Karmen’s story of, Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction.

Karmen’s story is a little different from Kelly’s story in that her, childhood sexual abuse and trauma, did not come from her parents. In fact she said her father loved her and took her everywhere with him. But her brother started beating her up because her father loved her more than him. The beatings progressed to, sexual abuse, and then her father’s girlfriend made her eat her “Peach pie.”

Her brother jumped her into a gang and she started breaking into people’s homes, beating them up, robbing them, and selling dope.

She was raped by the gang members at age 14 and started being sexually promiscuous soon after that. She ended up with  2 kids by age 16.

With no money to feed her kids she started taking money from a drug dealer.

He bought her a car, furnished her apartment, and spoiled her and her kids, until he started beating her on the regular and abusing her sexually. Then he started pimping her out. She started getting high every day to cope. She started out using crack and then progressed to heroin.

After spending time in prison for robbery and selling drugs, she became seriously depressed.

She got tired of getting high and tried to commit suicide 4 times. Her story ends with her 5th suicide attempt.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

What lessons can we learn from  Karnen’s story of, Sexual Trauma and Addiction?

We learn that Karmen’s story showcases sibling rivalry and parents who were not aware and allowed her brother to abuse her sexually and physically.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

You mentioned in our first episode that most addicts can’t just go into rehab and in 30 days get clean and never touch drugs again. In reality it is a daily struggle and most times they can’t even stay clean for their kids. In your 30 years as an addiction therapist what is the difference in the ones that made it?

I would say two things Desire to stay clean and and a faulty stop and go mechanism in the brain

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Arifah as a mental health counselor what do you think is the reason youth with, sexual trauma,  resulting medicate with drugs? Is it different from my list above?

Yes most youth use drugs to fit in and gain confidence.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Dr Tra walk us through how crack cocaine changes the brain.

Crack is a psychological  drug.  Your body thinks you need it; but if you don’t take it, you don’t go into the sweats. You don’t die or even feel pain.

Whereas physiological drugs like opiates, if you don’t take these drugs your body goes into withdrawal and you get pain in your body, you get diarrhea, sweats etc.

When it gets into the body, crack acts upon a midbrain structure called the ventral tegmental area (VTA), where a chemical messenger in the brain called dopamine lives [source: National Institutes of Health]. Crack interferes with dopamine, which is involved in the body’s pleasure response. Dopamine is released by cells of the nervous system during pleasurable activities such as eating or having sex. Once released, dopamine travels across a gap between nerve cells, called a synapse, and binds to a receptor on a neighboring nerve cell (also called a neuron). This sends a signal to that nerve cell. (Dopamine doesn’t actually cause feelings of pleasure but it does influence how pleasure affects the brain, usually by reinforcing a pleasant feeling.) Under normal conditions, once the dopamine sends that signal, it is reabsorbed by the neuron that released it. This reabsorption happens with the help of a protein called the dopamine transporter [source: National Institutes of Health].

Crack interrupts this cycle. It attaches to the dopamine transporter, preventing the normal reabsorption process. As dopamine builds up in the synapse, it continues to stimulate the receptor, creating a lingering feeling of exhilaration or euphoria in the user.

Because crack is inhaled as a smoke, it reaches the brain much faster than inhaled powder cocaine. It can get to the brain and create a high within three to five minutes, compared to the 20 to 30 minutes it takes to feel the effects of snorted cocaine. On the downside, the crack cocaine high lasts about 30-60 minutes, while the cocaine high could last one to two hours [source: American Addiction Centers].

https://science.howstuffworks.com/crack.htm

 

I have a personal experience with crack. I was engaged to a guy who was addicted to crack.  I could never forget, on our second date he casually mentioned that he was a crack addict for 20 years and he was now clean.

I had never had experience with anyone addicted to drugs before, so I took his word at face value.

Needless to say, he was not over crack.  I started to do my research and found that crack makes permanent changes to the brain and an addict has to deal with cravings every day.  My boyfriend was no different.  I had a Limousine service and he drove for me.  One night someone was smoking crack in the back of the limousine and that triggered him.  He disappeared for 4 days with the money from the run.  I had to report the limousine stolen.  He did not come back until all the money was finished. He was a binge smoker, as soon as he got paid he would disappear.  He finally spent one year in the, Salvation Army rehab program.  We broke up.  I don’t know if he managed to stay clean.

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In the crack world a lot of women who are addicted to crack become crack whores and prostitute for drugs, Karmen was no different. It is really interesting that the men addicted to crack still abuse the women addicted to crack so this is really a war on women.

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Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.

“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges.  With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection. Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations.  Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.

Kindle eBook:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XZB4Q16

Paperback:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0578470136

Most children who suffer from, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,  simply fail to recognize, acknowledge, and effectively process this trauma until it manifests in self-destructive ways like self-harm, substance abuse, or the inability to control their emotions.

While both males and females can be affected by, childhood sexual trauma and addiction, the prevalence rate is higher for females. It is estimated that nearly 15 million adolescent girls worldwide have experienced forced sex. According to UNICEF, 

Data from the, Department of Health and Human Services, indicates that almost sixty-thousand children are sexually abused per year in the United States.  This abuse lends itself to, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,  The Department of Justice’s report indicates that 14 percent of all men and 36 percent of all women in prison were abused as children.

 

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Parents you can even rate each task in points.
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Parents, this AP will teach your children responsibility and reward them in the process.  To download this AP head over to Google Aps

Here are some Specific symptoms of, sexual abuse causing, sexual trauma and addiction:
(citation, the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress)

  • Withdrawal and mistrust of adults
  • Suicidal
  • Difficulty relating to others except in sexual or seductive ways
  • Unusual interest in or avoidance of all things sexual or physical
  • Sleep problems, nightmares, fears of going to bed
  • Frequent accidents or self-injurious behaviors
  • Refusal to go to school, or to the doctor, or home
  • Secretiveness or unusual aggressiveness
  • Sexual components to drawings and games
  • Neurotic reactions (obsessions, compulsiveness, phobias)
  • Habit disorders (biting, rocking)
  • Unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Prostitution
  • Forcing sexual acts on other children
  • Extreme  fear of  being touched

 

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Additional Resources, Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://myhelps.us/protecting-your-child-from-sexual-abuse-at-home/

https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://drugabuse.com/crack/effects-use/#targetText=Crack%20Dependency,can%20become%20dependent%20on%20crack.

Side Effects of Crack Cocaine

The fleeting high from smoking crack can be outweighed by a host of negative effects. Though these can vary as widely as the positive effects listed above, commonly reported side effects of, childhood sexual trauma:

  • Irritability.
  • Anxiety.
  • Headache.
  • Depression.
  • Aggressive, paranoid behavior.
  • Abdominal pain.
  • Sudden death due to heart attack or stroke.

 

 

What is the Connection between Sexual Abuse and Addiction?

Child Abuse, and, sexual abuse,  Statistics, show a connection between, child abuse, Mental Health, addiction, and depression.
In her book “Call me an addict, war on Women” By Dr Tra Ahia. shares Kreta’s story of, child abuse, and sexual abuse, that started with her biological mother. I think this is very rare. Kreta said her mother was a sick person. Her, child abuse, was by her mother. Her mother used to make her kids do sexual acts on her boyfriend and her. Her mother and boyfriend also had sex in front of her and her brothers and sisters. This, abuse, started when she was about 4 years old.
Listen to the full interview here:

Kreta’s story of, sexual abuse

Kreta was raped by an older boy around the age of 7.

Kreta’s, child abuse, started when she was only 8 or 9 years old when she started smoking weed, crack and sniffing blow. As she got older when she didn’t have money, she would perform sexual acts for coke.

Even though she was a good student in school she started ditching school to sleep with older men and eventually dropped out of school.

She started working for a pimp who continued her, sexual abuse, he beat her all the time and had other men rape her and pie on her. After a string of, sexually abusive, relationships She got pregnant several times while still doing drugs. She had two abortions; but decided to keep her third pregnancy – a baby girl.

She went in and out of rehab several times trying to stay clean but always relapsed.

Kreta’s story ended the saddest of all 3 stories from the book “Call me an Addict, war Her, strange addiction, was out of control. She got so high one night that she stabbed her baby to death. She got life in prison.

Child Abuse Statistics

  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Illicit drug abuse
  • Smoking & drinking at an early age
  • Depression
  • Suicide attempts

I want to say that Kreta’s mother surprised me; but I have heard, sexual abuse, stories like this one before. I had a coaching client who told me that her mother stopped having sex with her husband and when she was 4 years old gave her to her husband to have sex with. Tyler Perry tried to bring attention to this, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, in his movie Madea Family Reunion .

Sponsored AD

Kidtasks – the application of good deeds now available on Google Aps.
Kidtasks  is an organizer for your children’s daily routines, but it is good for the entire family.

This is how it works.
1) Parents create a list of tasks. It could be as simple as  “feed your pet”, “brush your teeth”, “water the plants”, “do the dishes”, etc.

Parents you can even rate each task in points.
2) Family members do the tasks on the list and get points!
3) Parents set your own exchange rate. Eg  1 point may be equal to 1$. Having collected a certain amount of points, the children may ask their parents for their “salary” for their work!

Why this AP useful for PARENTS: Because it will help to give Kids a sense of responsibility and prepare them for the things they need to do when they become older.

Why this AP is useful for CHILDREN: Children will be rewarded when they help out with chores around the house! They will have the opportunity to get a “salary” or pocket money in exchange for working on their tasks.

Parents, this AP will teach your children responsibility and reward them in the process.  To download this AP head over to Google Aps

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Here are 5 Statistics about sexual abuse offenders

  1. Ages 12 to 14 are the peak ages for child offenders.
  2. 70 percent of perpetrators have between 1 and 9 victims.
  3. Child abuse, statistics, show as many as 40 percent of children who are, sexually abused, are abused by older or more powerful children.
  4. Sex offenses are the crimes least likely to involve strangers as perpetrators. Although a smaller percentage of, sex offenders, are women, the majority are male. Sex offenders, are generally NOT “dirty old men” or strangers lurking in alleys. They are typically not obviously mentally ill or retarded. In fact, sex offenders, are usually well known and trusted by the children they victimize, and frequently are members of the family, including fathers and stepfathers, brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. There is no clear-cut description or profile of a, sex offender. Thus, there is no way to recognize a potential, sex offender, and abuser; and it’s often hard to believe that a trusted individual would be capable of abusing children.
  5. Children who disclose their abuse within one month are at a reduced risk for, depression, or substance abuse and, addiction. Believe your kids when they talk to you and LISTEN. 
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Why, Addiction and Depression are by products of Child Abuse

Although any type of, addiction, can trigger violence, those most likely to impair judgment, like drug and alcohol, addiction, are most often linked to addiction-related violence. Drug and alcohol use can weaken self-control, it’s not uncommon to see people who are under the influence engaging in behavior they usually wouldn’t if they were sober.

People living with, strange addictions, who commit violent crimes, is usually as a result of intoxication or as a means of obtaining money to finance their habits. According to an article published in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, more than 75 percent of people who seek treatment for, drug addiction, report having performed acts of violence, including mugging, physical assault and using a weapon to attack another person.

People who suppress negative feelings like anger or, depression, are more likely to drink or use, drugs, to the point of intoxication and exhibit violent behaviors. If you have Pent-up rage and you are using drugs, you are more likely to act violently because loss of self-control can increase your chances to act on your anger.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help sexual abuse survivors

Dr Tra Ahia How does CBT help , sexual abuse survivors, to love themselves? What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Evidence is growing that, cognitive-behavioral therapy, (CBT) is an effective treatment for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, including those who have experienced physical, child abuse, and other traumatic events.

Most of the studies that have evaluated Trauma focused-CBT have been well designed. This treatment model represents a synthesis of trauma-sensitive interventions and well-established CBT principles treatment-outcome studies for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and otherwise traumatized children. The therapy was developed to resolve, post-traumatic stress disorder, and, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to address underlying distortions about self-blame, safety, the trustworthiness of others, and the world. The treatment also fits, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences into a broader context of children’s lives so that their primary identity is not that of a victim.

Child abuse, statistics, show that CBT therapy allows, sexual abuse, victims to learn self-love.

 

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

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Naked and Ashamed

Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.

“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges.  With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection.

Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations.  Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.

Kindle eBook:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XZB4Q16

Paperback:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0578470136

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Arifah What does, Child abuse, statistics, show about self love?

It shows that if, child abuse, and sexual abuse, victims do the following, They begin to heal.

  • Take your time
  • Recognize that your needs matter
  • Forgive yourself and knowledge of self through therapy
  • Find a support group
  • Learn to practice self-compassion, to rid yourself of shame-based beliefs, such as you are worthless, defective, bad, or unlovable
  • Find time for self care activities (journaling, exercise, mediation, art, hanging out with people that care about you).
  • Gain new experiences (i.e. get involved in the community)
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

 

Dr Tra I am curious after listening to 100 stories like the ones you told in your book and from all the data you have collected over your 30 years in this space.  Why do you think fathers and stepfathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins, abuse, little girls?

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I want to comment on one of the, child abuse,  statistics,   the one that says 70% of perpetrators have between 1 to 9 victims.  I remember my,  sexual abuse, It was from a man  who I called grandfather, even though he was no relation.  He used to tell me to bring my friends, and he would do the same thing to them as he did me. In fact he had a reputation of liking little girls.  I never told anyone!

That’s another thing, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, statistics, show, victims never tell.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Here are 5 tips for loving yourself after, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, 

  1. Read Positive affirmations
  2. Heal the mind through the body (ie. Boxing, Running, Martial Arts)
  3. Mindful breathing exercises and meditation (stop, breathe and think app)
  4. Channel your pain into creativity ( i.e.journaling)
  5. Ask for help when you need it

 Conclusion, Child Abuse, and, Sexual Abuse 

Dr Tra, Do you support the, child abuse statistic, that says that if kids who are experiencing trauma of any kind tells someone who offers support, it has a direct and positive effect on the, sexual abuse and addiction connection?

Totally, when you tell someone what is being done to you, you release the shame of thinking you are to blame. You will also get help to cope with the emotions.  When you stay silent it eats away at you all your life and then you self-medicate with, drugs, and alcohol and your, sexual abuse, continues into your adult relationships.

Additional Resources on Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.masterproblems.com/2017/02/what-can-be-done-about-child-abuse.html

https://www.jennifersoldner.com/2014/05/when-your-child-cant-speak.html

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/subabuse_childmal.pdf

 

 

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

Addiction and recovery side effects can include, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. In this episode Dr Tra Ahia, Psychologist offers treatment options for dealing with, anxiety disorder.

I was listening to a podcast last week and the guest was talking about her, anxiety disorder, and her story triggered a memory of a personal acquaintance who was a heroin addict and developed, anxiety disorder.

My first introduction to Anxiety Disorder

In the late 80’s I was working in sales and my boss’s daughter was an, Heroin addict. We were close enough that she would tell me what it was like being addicted to Heroin. She told me how she would cook the heroin until it became a liquid and then she would shoot it into her neck because she got a more immediate high. She showed me the holes in her neck which she covered up with scarves. Her father who was wealthy gave her a car and she sold that car for peanuts to get money to buy Heroin.

She attempted to go to rehab several times; but always walked out because she said they just left you in a room to scream in pain. She said the pain of withdrawal was unbearable. She then started a methadone treatment which is a synthetic version of Heroin.  They reduced the dose of the methadone gradually to wean your body off Heroin. But what I want to get to was her, anxiety disorder. She got such bad, panic attacks, her gut was always in knots, that she couldn’t leave the house without her safe person, her boyfriend. I don’t remember if he used drugs; but when the relationship ended she was unable to leave to leave the house for weeks, not even to buy groceries. Then she was too anxious to start dating. She stressed about some man asking “Can I touch your boobs” I don’t know what became of her; but I think of her often.

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What happens to the brain with Anxiety Disorder

If you have an, anxiety disorder – Your brain raises ahead to predict the future. The guest on the podcast had, anxiety disorder, and she described it as “life fright” or , agoraphobia, She said to think about Stage fright. You feel nervous, you think you are going to freeze up or faint, you start to sweat, you think people are going to laugh at you etc. well people with, anxiety disorder, or, agoraphobia, feel like that all the time.

They have, agoraphobia, talking to strangers, checking out at the grocery store, at the bank, going for an interview, at a cocktail party, almost any conversation with a stranger, that’s why the guest called it “life fright.”

 

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How does Anxiety lead to Life Fright

Dr Tra  as the author of the book “Call me an Addict, war on women” How does my story regarding anxiety being called “Life Fright” relates to your experience?

I think for that young lady or whoever coined that term, for her that helped her manage her, anxiety disorder.  That term helped her understand for herself this thing that she was feeling, so for her that was a good term to use, this, Life Fright. My thoughts when I think about, life fright,  is that I’m afraid of living period.  The entire gamut of life, so for me I would not use that term as a replicator to, anxiety disorder; but I can see why she did.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

I understand there are 3 types of, Anxiety Disorders,

  1. Situational anxiety
  2. social anxiety and
  3. high functioning anxiety

Can you explain the difference of these forms of, anxiety,  and which is most common with substance abuse?

There are more than just three types of, anxiety disorder,  way more.  I think it’s important also for the audience to understand that when we talk about, anxiety disorder, we’re talking about an irrational fear or, agoraphobia, of something that someone is experiencing.  It’s irrational, it’s not logical that you are excessively fearful over this specific situation or you’re apprehensive about something or you have difficulty managing daily tasks.  So when we think about, agoraphobia, or,  anxiety disorder, I want them to know that it’s irrational to know your heart is racing, and you feel like you’re going to die.

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There are six main categories of, anxiety disorders,  like I said there are more than three!

  1. Phobias
  2. Panic attacks, with or without, agoraphobia, you have
  3. Generalized, anxiety disorder,
  4. Obsessive compulsive disorder or, OCD,
  5. Acute stress disorder and
  6. Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD

 

The American Psychological Association lists research on how, anxiety disorder, is diagnosed.

This disorder called, anxiety disorder, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual

It’s normal to become anxious and at one time or another. A car almost hit you, you are going for an interview, you sense danger etc. Anxiety is normal under certain conditions, what we are talking about here is the irrational fear or, agoraphobia, that is a disorder.

Something who’s unable to leave their home. This is, agoraphobia, they have a fear of leaving surroundings that they’re familiar with.

This a serious affliction.

 

There are three systems of functioning that need to change in, Anxiety Disorder

  1. Cognitive
  2. Physical and
  3. Behavioral

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How would, high-functioning anxiety, work?

An addict could develop a, panic attack, because perhaps they’re they don’t have the substance anymore, or it could be someone who gains, agoraphobia,  as a result of some interaction they’ve had with a place they frequented to attain their substance.

An addict with, high-functioning anxiety, usually is on a treatment plan in conjunction with medication to control their, anxiety disorder.

An addict could develop a, panic attack, because perhaps they’re they don’t have the substance anymore, or it could be someone who gains, agoraphobia,  as a result of some interaction they’ve had with a place they frequented to attain their substance.

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Leafy Legal Services have the most personalized and affordable solutions for setting up LLC’s. Property owners are always at risk when it comes to their assets and anonymity is so important. If you own just a rental house and you own your own home you have to protect yourself and your properties from any potential legal issues. Leafy Legal Services have the right solutions to make sure you are happy and feel secure. They offer cost effective documentation that suits their client’s needs. For a free consultation and eBook visit LeafyLegalServices.com they are waiting to hear from you. LeafyLegalServices.com.

Website: https://www.LeafyLegalservices.com | Phone: (409) 761-1671

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Anxiety disorder is a form of mental illness. Dr Tra outside of substance abuse, what are some other  contributing factors to, Anxiety Disorder?

I understand that mental illness presents itself in many forms:

  • Schizophrenia
  • Anxiety disorder
  • Anorexia
  • Depression
Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

My research shows that these disorders present themselves as early as 14 years old and can be treated successfully by mental health professionals if treatment is started early; but because people feel that mental illness equals crazy, they don’t talk about it or seek help.

Research show that 90% of suicides results from mental illness like, anxiety disorder, and depression. How does talk therapy from a Life Coach, social worker or Psychologist such as yourself help patients?

Talk therapy allows the client to feel listened to and understood.  It allows them to download and get advise.  It can save many from suicide.

 

How would you help someone suffering from, anxiety disorder?

Mental illness is something that keeps a lot of people up at night but nobody wants to talk about during the day

It is the visitor who enters without knocking

1 in 20 become disabled by mental illness i.e. Can’t function in society

So let’s start talking.

ANXIETY, has become the defining mental health issue of our decade — women are affected at twice the rate of men, and now children and young adults are also more stressed and anxious than ever before. Join us to learn nutritional and gut solutions for your anxiety!

 

Additional Resources

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

https://myhelps.us/call-me-an-addict-child-abuse-statistics-p3/

https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/suicide

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/kc/suicidal-thoughts-ideation-193026

How Women Get a Seat at the Table

Women are you invisible in the boardroom and have no say? Do men listen when you speak? If the answer is no, then find out how to get, a seat at the table.

In this episode I interview Kimberley Bussey Lewis, Author of , A Seat At The Table, Or Part Of The Meal: Creating A Culture Of Diversity

How did you come to become passionate about, diversity and inclusion, for, women of color?

How to Get a Seat at The Table

I first really started thinking about, a seat at the table,  when I was a very young reporter in Charleston, South Carolina.  I was the only female reporter at the time within this 600 person company.  And what I was struck by is that there were so many decisions that were being made that we would complain about; but none of us had, a seat at the table, to help make those decisions.

I realized that if I didn’t have a place in the room that I was both invisible and silent; so it didn’t matter how much I complained or how much I didn’t like what was going on or simply just didn’t understand it because I was not part of the discussion; I needed, a seat at the table.

So that’s where my passion for, diversity and inclusion, was born.

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CNN wrote a column on getting, a seat at the table, for women. They were discussing congresswoman Harris, basically what they’re saying was that women are invisible and they have no say.  When they speak no one listens.  So I understand what you are saying.

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What happens when there is no seat at the table

I stayed in that company as a reporter without, a seat at the table, about 12 years.  It took me that long to get that awakening.  Sometimes we think that we are fortunate to have a job so we don’t want to stir the pot.  I just increasingly became more and more of a little rebel challenging the status quo. Eventually I left  and ventured out to write my first book.   I was scared to death.  Because here I am I’m going to write a book, I’m going to leave my job.  I took a leave of absence to write the book;  but it was really a step of faith and in writing the book and doing the research.

I became energized when I interviewed older relatives, my mother and great-aunt who were already in their 80s and 90s at the time. I  became energized by their tenacity as, Black women. I knew that we had a lot of strong men in my family, but my eyes are really flew open at the strength of the, black women, and how they held businesses up,  they held a family up and the men of the family up, and brought us all together.

I stumbled into the nonprofit arena by my volunteer work. I was volunteering and working on writing the  book and one thing led to another.  I got to a small job at an organization that was run by a, black woman, who became my mentor.  She took me under her wing and even though I was  just volunteering she taught me so much about strength and tenacity and making your voice count.

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Diversity and Inclusion for Women of Color

Her company was called Family Assistance Management Services

And she was the first black female insurance broker in SC. She had been a full time teacher before she built quite a nest egg with her husband. They owned several pieces of property in Charleston SC. She then became a broker and started several businesses, an insurance company, a computer training clinic all kinds of other businesses, because she had a passion for helping people.

You got your feet wet on the nonprofit arena and but it sounds like you have, a seat at the table, at Goodwill Industries. Why you write the book, “A Seat at the Table or a part of the meal?”

I was born in September 1964 a month after the discrimination Act, and my parents had not long moved to Charleston, SC. All of my siblings, I  have one brother and two sisters, they had all been born at home in the country by a midwife so since it was now illegal for place public places to discriminate my father thought, well I will take my wife to this nice Hospital for my fourth child to be born.  So my mother was in labor he rushes her down to this hospital the Medical University of South Carolina and by this time she’d begun to hemorrhage as I was a breech baby.

It was pouring down rain and he got my mom into the emergency area into the lobby and he started screaming for the doctors to come and help they turned looked at them and turned their backs right away.  All the white doctors and nurses ignored them, so he ran up to them and screamed my wife is bleeding you got to help her and someone told him to just sit down we’ll get to you.

So he scooped her up, put her in a wheelchair and ran with her down the street to the black Hospital. McLennan banks Hospital in the pouring rain with my mom gripping for life on that wheelchair.  He pushed her up into the emergency area and as soon as they saw that she was drenched in blood they rushed her into the emergency room and delivered me.  The doctor who delivered me was a, woman of color, from  South Africa and he named me Kimberly after the Kimberly diamond mines.

Black Women are born to be at the table

It sounds like you were born in to do this work!

I was tried of being the only, Black woman, in the room. I felt we as, Black women, have to do something to get , a seat at the table. If anyone was going to wave that flag of, diversity and inclusion, equity and of, diversity, it should be Goodwill Industries. So it really began then.  We started a task force with a group of CEOs and started to study, diversity and inclusion, and equity programs with fortune 500 companies and fortune 100 companies and other nonprofit organizations. We studied who was doing it well, what were they looking at, what were the metrics and how do you build that diverse pipeline.  We came up an implementation plan.

We were really intentional about attracting, maintaining and keeping a, diversity, workforce.  Whether it is individuals who are Hispanic or individuals who African-American or LGTBQ or disabled.  We recognize that all of that build a table of, diversity.

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The first time that I heard the phrase, a seat at the table, was from one of my coaching clients and I’ve heard it several times since. I heard Gabrielle Union say it that she’s just gonna make her own table because you know the black actresses in Hollywood are still working to, get a seat at the table.  They go through the same discrimination with, diversity and inclusion.  It’s not just in Corporate America or in the board rooms.

Women of Color getting a seat at the table

Kimberly you have, a seat at the table,  what advice would you give to women who are hitting the glass ceiling and get, no seat at the table.

African-American women unfortunately have been absent from the room!  We have not even been invited into the room much less have, a seat at the table, for quite some time.  Women in general have been hitting the glass ceiling for quite a long time.  I’ve heard that men are hired based on what their hiring manager or that supervisor thinks that they can do while women are hired or promoted based on performance.  it is that way because the majority of the, seats at the table, are already held by men.  Predominantly white males and they look for men who look like act like they came from where they come from.

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Black women in order to get, a seat at the table,  have to do 3 things:

  1. They have to network. It’s all about relationships. Else there is, no seat at the table. Everything that you do is about relationships and it’s about networking.  If you didn’t grow up playing golf, learn.  Go around places and do things that make you feel uncomfortable. But you must be part of the conversation. Go to the theater,  go to the Opera, you could serve as an usher and get free tickets.
  2. Get a mentor – All women should have a mentor.
  3. Get a Sponsor – a sponsor and a mentor are two different people. A mentor is someone that you can talk to about your fears and your aspirations. A mentor can give you sound advice and can talk you through some of the issues that you’re having and help you create a plan a plan of attack.

A sponsor on the other hand is going to be that person who’s going to make sure that you’re invited to that meeting.  They’re going to take you under their wing.  They’re going to make sure that there’s a place for you in the conversation and that there is, diversity and inclusion, that you are a part of the discussion. Sponsors are usually white males.

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Book: Seat at the table

Have you ever wished that you had the information to elevate the conversation at work on how to build a culture of diversity, equity and inclusion?  Well, now you do; with my newly published book A Seat At The Table or Part of the Meal, by Kimberly Bussey Lewis.  This book will give you examples of intentional efforts that will level the playing field and yield dividends for your career and your company. The book can be found on Amazon – A Seat at the Table Or Part of the Meal, by Kimberly Bussey Lewis or on www.motivationalmuse.com, so get your copy today and your seat at the table.

 

Additional Resources, A Seat at the Table

https://myhelps.us/how-transform-your-career-with-purpose/

How to Ask for a Raise or Anything you Want in Life.

https://myhelps.us/what-are-the-secrets-to-success-my-10-secrets/

https://www.demos.org/research/taking-our-seat-table-black-women-overcoming-social-exclusion-politics#Black-Women%E2%80%99s-Leadership:-Making-a-Way-out-of-No-Way

https://www.talentintelligence.com/blog/bid/377611/inclusion-and-the-benefits-of-diversity-in-the-workplace