Category Archives: women

How To Use Food for A Nonsurgical Facelift

Do you have aging skin and looking for a, nonsurgical facelift? look no further than your kitchen. Food plays a major role in beauty,  not only because it helps us reduce stress, but it feeds us vitamins and minerals that can stimulate our collagen. My whole approach to, skin care, is how do we purge the mind, the body and the skin from, stress and have a natural, facelift?

Gregory Landsman is one of the most noted global, beauty, and wellness experts in the world. He is the best-selling author of nine books, and a TV host who specializes in using food as a natural, facelift. Often referred to as ‘The Beauty Advisor’, Gregory’s books and global TV program “Face Lifting Food” show viewers how to create quick skin-boosting meals and powerful skin treatments using everyday foods to achieve younger, healthier looking skin at any age.

Having worked in the, beauty, industry for 30+ years Gregory believes that looking youthful goes well beyond waging war on wrinkles: and that how we age is 100% controllable. His natural, face lifting, methods are used globally by models, shown in universities, and recommended by doctors. Gregory is a strong voice for inclusion. From Apartheid South Africa to working at the height of the fashion industry, and his fundamental discovery that regardless of what we do, how we look cannot be separated from how we feel.

Listen to the full interview here: 

 

Introduction to Food as a Nonsurgical Facelift

Myrna – Tell us your journey to becoming a, beauty, and wellness expert as well as authoring nine books.

Gregory – I think our life journey takes us where we need to go regardless of where we start. My journey to understanding the concept of, beauty, started from a young age. I was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid system. Many people say that the country you are born in shapes the quality of the human being and your character.

In my case I have strong views on skin, because from an early age I knew that the color of my skin, the texture of my hair and the width of my nose would determine my level of freedom. My quality of life and before I even got to school, I could read park bench signs – whites only or the public toilets or having to listen to my mum saying could you please hold going to the bathroom until we got home because you can't use that toilet.

We've got to stop with the judgments, we've got to stop with the labels. I was a child that was beaten and spat on daily by the time I got to school for my differences. I had lost all belief in who I was as a child, but I was able to put myself back together. We shifted to Australia and my mum became a model and I followed in her footsteps and that's how I entered into the, beauty, Industry.

Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

Sponsored AD

TwillightWing offers spells for various purposes from finding your Soul Mate, acquiring more Money, Healing, Lucid Dreaming and Astral Travel, and my most popular, Opening Your Third Eye, to name a few. I have over 17 spells ready for your desire!

For more information and to find the spell for you click the link below

https://www.etsy.com/shop/TwilightWingsMagicks

Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Beauty comes from the inside

Myrna – Your story is really interesting. When you were growing up you probably had a negative opinion of yourself and then you became a model and a, beauty expert. Did that shift the way you viewed yourself?

Gregory – I still walked around with insecurities and fears  and I still felt like that broken kid. That's why I firmly believe that what is on the inside shows up on the outside. My grandma said something that goes to the heart of, beauty.

She said you know boy, God gives us all five minutes of grace and we can wow people with our fancy smiles and our cute little nose; but after your five minutes, the truth of who you are emerges and nothing can hide that.

 

The definition of Beauty

I utilize the acronym of, beauty:

B – is for balance. It is the balance of inner virtues that radiates outwardly. It's what ultimately shapes our, beauty, and our lives.

E – the ease for enthusiasm, to show enthusiasm for who we are and all aspects of who we are.

A – is for acceptance, accepting ourselves as a whole without isolating or fragmenting, beauty, to certain physical characteristics.

U – is for understanding that when we are born, we are born whole and beautiful and along the way we have been educated to doubt what we were given. If we have the ability to create insecurity, we have the ability to eliminate it.

T – is for trust, learning to trust in who we are and what we represent in this world, and the wisdom that you possess.

Y- You possess, beauty, if you can see it in a much more expansive way, other than just physical, beauty. It is not about masculinity, it's not about femininity, it's about humanity and celebrating the divine differences we all bring to this world.

That is the foundation that my work is based on, because I believe that is where it starts. It starts on the inside and then we can take care of the skin that houses the spirit, we take care of our, beauty.

It is not a line that ages a woman, it is her energy. Her energy gives her a natural, facelift.

Beauty and Aging

When a woman begins to lose her self-belief and her strong sense of what she represents in this world, she begins to age. I know women who are 85 years old, I call them ageless, because it's not about their age, it's about their energy and they're beautiful.

Gregory – Myrna you're ageless, you've got vitality and beauty, it's your beautiful energy. It is infectious and give you a natural, facelift.

Myrna – Thank you, I do have a lot of good energy and I feel good about myself and I laugh a lot. I am thinking this is because I have good genes and because I followed a, skin care, regiment since the age of 18 years old. When I was 18 years old, I became a model and learnt, skin care. I have kept that, skin care routine, of cleanse, tone and moisturize for over 3 decades. I have also done facials over the years to give my face a, facelift.

Gregory – When we're speaking about cleanse, tone and moisturize, that is all the stuff of forgive, learn, laugh that's how we're constantly cleansing internally and that is a natural, facelift. We are letting stuff go and the more we let go, the younger we look.

Sponsored AD

Do you enjoy watching movies?  YES

Do you like to hear other people's opinions on movies? YES

And do you find that you don't always have the time to listen to an entire podcast about one movie? YES

Well then you might enjoy my new podcast…

LIVING FOR THE CINEMA

My reviews cover the good, the bad and the ugly of what makes each film unique but…in less than 15 minutes.

Check out LIVING FOR THE CINEMA

On all platforms including i-Tunes, Spotify, Google and anywhere else podcasts are available.

https://livingforthecinema.com/ 

 

Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts
Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

Aging of the Skin is a natural process

I never look at, skin, in isolation or a wrinkle, it's much more on a holistic level. Aging is a natural process of life, and it is something that I welcome; but, premature skin aging, we can seriously do something about that.

The skin, it never lies.

  • It will tell you the food you're eating or not eating,
  • You skin will tell you your breathing patterns,
  • Highlights the lack of water, or lack of sleep.
  • All of these things play a major role in our skin and, beauty.

Food, plays a major role in, healthy skin,  not only because it helps us reduce, stress, but it feeds us vitamins and minerals that can stimulate our, collagen and give us a, facelift. My whole my whole approach to, skin care, is how do we purge the mind, the body and the skin from, stress?

We do that with, food, we purge with good breathing, we do it with, face exercises, and a little, face massage. We have to purge the body from, stress, because, stress, is what ages the skin. When we are stressed, we make less, collagen, and as we age it also decreases. Constant, stress, accelerates this whole process.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Nonsurgical facelift: Aging Skin and Stress

If the, stress hormone, cortisol, is raging, you are aging prematurely. We want to get, cortisol, under control and we can do it with, food, and breath. Cortisol, is responsible when if you can't sleep, that means you have too much of it in your body.

Stress, and, cortisol, impacts the production of our, collagen, and it creates chaos with our skin. It also creates chaos in our lives, when we don't feel good, we don't look good either.

Myrna – You mentioned that, sleep, is really important when it comes to your, skin care routine, people often refer to it as, beauty sleep.

What people don't know is that when we, sleep, we activate the, human growth hormone, which strengthens the skin. It creates a thicker skin. It's also in the state of, rest and digest, where we repair our skin and more, collagen, is produced.

The greatest, anti-aging, secrets can be found in our everyday, foods. With the right, foods, wrinkles begin to fade and skin regains elasticity, that's the power of, food to give us a natural, facelift.

Can we get collagen from beauty creams?

When you buy facial products or creams with, collagen, it is a waste of money. Collagen, is the protein in connective tissue that keeps the, skin, elastic. That molecule can't push through the, skin, when applied with creams. The best way to stimulate, collagen, is through, food, and, sleep.

The fibers in our, collagen, become weak through the free radicals. The best way to strengthen is to eat, foods, and topically apply skin regenerating vitamins and minerals that naturally stimulate and protect our, collagen.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Nonsurgical facelift: Collagen stimulating foods:

• Vitamin C – Vitamin C is key to, collagen, production and since it can't be stored in the body, it's really important to top it up all the time. We can use the collagen in foods to get a, nonsurgical facelift. So we have to eat, face-lifting foods, like –

  • sweet red peppers,
  • brussels sprouts,
  • broccoli and
  • tomato.

If you love tomato, while it's fantastic uncooked, when you cook it with a little bit of olive oil, you access lycopene, a powerful antioxidant.

A  fresh tomato is something you can put in a little strainer and you take the juice of it and apply that on your skin. It's a wonderful tonic for the skin and a natural, facelift.

• Vitamin E – in another food that gives us a, nonsurgical facelift. It's a powerful antioxidant that protects and reduces damage caused to, skin cells; but it's also anti-inflammatory and that keeps the, skin, smooth, and it reduces wrinkles.
• You can find antioxidant with spinach, almonds, sunflower oil and mangoes. It’s not one specific, face lifting food, it is a variety.

• Vitamin B – is incredible for, skin, and you can get a complex variety from beets, eggs, turkey, whole wheat breads. If you are a lover of spinach and kale, pour a little bit of olive oil over the greens. It helps the body absorb the nutrients effectively for an effective, nonsurgical facelift.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Need a Nonsurgical Facelift: Facelifting Foods

If you eat garlic and onion, they contain sulfur, a wonderful, beauty, mineral, but with garlic, one thing you've got to remember is while it's got incredible health benefits you must crush it and then leave it for at least five minutes. It activates and releases the enzyme allicin, an organic compound and a really powerful antioxidant and, facelift.

Glutathione, is often referred to as the mother of all antioxidants, you find it in the tip of asparagus, and avocados. It's a wonderful way to support your, glutathione, levels.

If you've heard of, hyaluronic acid, people have it injected in their faces. These are injectables, but if you look, hyaluronic acid, is present when a baby's born. Babies they always say as smooth as a baby's bottom. Babies are pumped full of, hyaluronic acid, but as we age we lose it, but something as simple as consuming Vitamin B in our diet activates and helps increase our, hyaluronic acid, levels for a natural, nonsurgical facelift.

Include omega-3 fatty acids in your diet, it is a wonderful moisturizer, you access omega-3 fatty acids through fish, and it moisturizes the skin from the inside out giving you a, nonsurgical facelift.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Supplements help to get nutrients into your Skin

You use, supplements, if you're not getting these nutrients in natural, food.

Water we all have access to it and our body it's 70 to 80% of our brain tissue is water, so if you're dehydrated your body and your mind are stressed. If you're feeling thirsty, you're already a little bit dehydrated.

I can change someone's, skin, the quality and texture of with water and showing them how to breathe correctly.

Myrna – We can't have this conversation without talking about what Hollywood and most people are doing with the cosmetic, plastic surgery. Plumping up the, skin, with Botox.

Using Natural Food as a nonsurgical facelift instead of Plastic Surgery

I think our world as it stands today, there's some things going wrong especially in the, beauty, world. The, beauty, industry, anti-aging, it's a multi-billion dollar industry that often drives fear and, stress, around the aging process.

There's a fine line between self-improvement and self-destruction and with many of the procedures that I see, I believe that we've crossed the line to self-destruction. I can't see the, beauty, in a face that doesn't move or paralyzing a muscle.

You wrote the books “Face Value” “Face Fitness” and “Face Food” tells us about your books.

Face Value, is a incredible book that shows you really how to utilize all the ingredients in your kitchen to take years off your face naturally and for a natural, nonsurgical facelift. It will show you things like how to use the avocado, what grape seed oil can to support stronger skin. This is based on rock solid science, everything that I do is based on science.

That's why I work in the wellness centers with people undergoing chemotherapy. I show them how to change their, skin, because chemotherapy ages skin. It does horrible stuff to skin.

Book: Face food
Book: Face food for a nonsurgical facelift 

I wrote “Face Food” and Face Food shows you how to stimulate the, collagen, from the inside with foods that you're eating and where to find all of these, anti-aging, ingredients.

Face massages and Face Fitness

We haven't touched on, face fitness, is how do you keep the muscles on the face strong because it's not a line that ages a face, but a sagging muscle. We've got over 50 of these muscles on the face, we only use not even half of them, so when we know these are the muscles need to be strengthened.

We give ourselves a, natural facelift. When I get a, facial they always end it with a, face massage.
I also do a, face massage, every night when I apply my night cream.

Additional Resources

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1761155

https://myhelps.us/change-skincare-routine-change-life/

https://myhelps.us/how-find-beauty-in-your-now/

The Crucial Role of an Active Lifestyle Against COVID-19

Wildly Alive coach Nichole Wurth shares how having an, active lifestyle, could help you fight, coronavirus COVID 19, and become BFF's with your body.

Journey to an Active lifestyle.

I was raised on Hamburger Helper and mac and cheese.  I didn’t know the basics of nourishing your body or a healthy lifestyle.  That  was not something that was taught to me, so I got out of high school and I gained some weight.  I did what most women do.  I started dieting. I wouldn't say that I had a big-time body image issues or self-esteem issues going into that whole experience; but after every diet  I started to realize it took out a chunk of my self-esteem.

So after years of dieting if you would have looked at my body you would have thought damn she's got it going on she's so fit she's so healthy. I want her body, I want her, active lifestyle.   But in all reality even though I looked like I was living a, healthy lifestyle,  I was an absolute mess inside.

I had disordered eating and disordered exercising and I was so lost in trying to have a, active lifestyle, I didn’t even see it I was I was obsessed with what I was going to eat and what I couldn't eat. I was strategizing with every bite.  It was strategy all the time.  I was still deeply unhappy because before living this, healthy lifestyle,  I blamed all my unhappiness and the reason why I don't have a boyfriend, the reason why I don't have a fulfilling job, or the reason why I don't have …fill in the blank, was because of my body.

 

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

A Healthy Lifestyle begins with Diet

It's very common for women to blame everything on their body,  so now that I had lost the weight and I look fit and healthy and living a, healthy lifestyle, I no longer had anything to blame for my unhappiness.  So again even though you would look at me and you think wow she's an inspiration,  honestly I was lost from disordered eating and disordered exercising.  Most people they don't even see it, and they're broken.  That's how diet culture works.  Diet culture intentionally breaks you, breaks your trust with yourself, so then you need a diet all the time.

That's how I was for years.  I didn't trust myself without the guidelines, without the rules and other restrictions.  I went through that whole journey. I lost the weight and I was worse than I was before I started that journey.

I start moving into like exploring okay how can I find happiness and freedom and a, healthy lifestyle, at the same time because dieting does not get you happiness and freedom.  It feels very caged.  That's the philosophy of the wildly alive coaching program. I started coming up with this idea that your body is a living, breathing, feeling thing just like a plant.  So if I went into my office every day and looked at my plants and said to them, you're ugly and you're not good enough and you need to try harder.  I would have sent negative energy to them right they would rebel and not thrive.

The Ketogenic Diet is good for a healthy lifestyle

I think that's where most women are.  They look at their body as just this thing that's hanging on them, that's never right and will never be right, and they're constantly abusing it.  If you want to call it abuse or not, it really is, because you probably would never talk to your best friend that way or even your enemy.  That is when I started really looking into instead of creating change from a place of shame, which diet culture teaches, if you just hate your body enough then you can change it shifting that to respect base change.  learning how to respect our body as we are changing and reshaping it. The Ketogenic Diet is the new popular diet plan.

Food plays a very important part in our body image and women in particular, maybe even men. Men drink, women eat! I'm not sure, but a lot of times if you have emotional problems it shows up in what you eat.  And yeah when you go to the gym, and you have a really nice body, that's on the outside. You could still feel shame inside.

A lot of women could identify with, you’re overweight and you buckled down and lost the weight, they are now living a, healthy lifestyle, they go to the gym every day, they eat right and embrace,  healthy living,  so where is the reward. Where is the boyfriend or husband?

Sponsored AD

Want access to learning tools that will help you improve your life? Visit www.loyaldetermined.com! Loyal Determined offers online dating courses for both women and men which are easy to follow and will help you improve your existing relationship or assist you in making your next relationship succeed. Loyal Determined also offers online math courses for students who want to sharpen their skills in courses like Algebra and Algebra 2 in an engaging and effective way. Loyal Determined is constantly offering awesome new online courses to help you improve your life so be sure to check their website frequently. Visit www.loyaldetermined.com today!

What is an Active Lifestyle?

I gained all  kinds of weight at the end of high school because I was in the industry and I was eating a lot of jalapeno, mayonnaise and French fries. It was like my favorite combination with  Big Mac.  The whole the whole world globally, we're looking at the, coronavirus, and at, COVID-19, and everybody including all the health experts are now on talking about a, healthy lifestyle,  because what we're all now acutely aware that if you have a healthy immune system then you can probably get over this, coronavirus, illness. My, active  lifestyle, programs started  before people became conscious of, healthy living.   A, healthy lifestyle, is  being wildly alive!

 I wanted to create something like a like a bridge between the, covid-19, pandemic and, healthy living.  I'm telling my clients right now is first and foremost and this is the basis of wildly alive coaching,  is your mind is the most powerful muscle in your body and so just like with dieting.

And the constant feeling of stress, you have to change from the inside.

 

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

When I was dieting, I was constantly stressed, I was afraid of butter.  I was afraid of red meat and so on and so on. Even though according to my little calorie counting notebook, I was eating

all of the right things; because I was so stressed over the food, that I was unhealthy. Stressing about everything you put into your mouth is not a, healthy lifestyle.

What is the Feminine approach to a Healthy Lifestyle

This is a respect based approach to, healthy living. If I can help show you how awesome your body is, and how it's doing so many things right now, in this moment, then what will start to happen is, you'll start to recognize that your body is always talking to you.  She's always speaking to you.  She can guide you on the best things to eat and the best ways to move and how to thrive in this whole self-care thing.  You don't need a plan, you don't need somebody telling you what to eat and how to exercise and what to do to feel happy, your body can tell you all of that.

We live in this Western society that just cuts you off at the head and makes you think that all your body is or something you manipulate, that's all it is it's just this mass, that has no voice or no wisdom.  So when you start opening up the lines of communication with your body, you start to listen to it. You start to feel really good.  It is just like when you get a cut you don't have to look at the cut and be like okay white blood cells come do your thing. No the white blood cells are on it. They start forming a scab around the cut and the processes of healing begins.

Our bodies are so smart that we can't even conceptualize and wrap our mind around all the brilliance of our body.  So if I can teach you some of that, and I can show you how awesome your body is and how she is here to guide you.  She's here to guide yourself care and, healthy lifestyle, and  she's also here to guide you on your life choices.

 

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

The 28 day moon cycle

The feminine approach to an, active lifestyle, is really is a woman’s 28-day cycle if you're menstruating.  As women we have a 28-day cycle and that 28-day cycle mirrors the moon.  There's four phases within our 28-day cycle and also within the moon cycle.  Those four phases also mirror the four seasons of the planet. A, healthy lifestyle, includes following your cycle.

For example just to make this really simplified, when you're bleeding it is the New Moon phase.

When we're having our period we tend to be more hibernating, we're not as extroverted.  This is our introverted time.  This is the time when we reflect and restore.  This is our winter time so if you're ever confused you just look at the season the new moon. So when you're bleeding doing a high intense workout it's probably not the best thing for your body.  If you're on hormonal birth control or you're not having your period,  just start tracking the moon and your body will start syncing up with it.

Vice versa the full moon  is your ovulation or summer phase.  You are hyper energized.  There's lots of growth, there's lots of expansion, there's lots of extroverted energy and so this is a really good time for an, active lifestyle, in terms of movement. Now is the time for that high intensity workout or doing that new salsa high intensity class.

Sponsored AD

Canisbeverages.com is family owned small business that specializes in promoting a healthy lifestyle.
Our flagship product is the hibiscus tea. The tea comes in various flavors including Cinnamon, Strawberry, Pineapple, Classic and Mango.
Hibiscus tea is packed with antioxidants, and it helps with regulating blood pressure , lowers blood fat levels, and also help fight bacteria. In this age of the Coronavirus, have a sip of tea loaded with antioxidants to promote a healthy body.
Visit us today at www.canisbeverages.com
Canisbeverages you are what you drink !

 

https://myhelps.us/ask-coach-myrna-how-to-start-over/

Wildly Alive  self-care and, Healthy lifestyle, coaching program

Wildly alive is about Shame -based change is by telling yourself you can't have those things and you're a bad person if you eat those things, so just to flip this on the head a little bit and think about it from a respect based change.  I always tell my clients I would never tell them they can't eat things ever unless they have an allergy to something,  that's a whole different conversation. Telling yourself you can't eat bread because this study says that bread is bad for you.  I don't think that's enough to really shift into respect based change.  I'm a huge believer in moderation.  I think a little bit of everything is okay.  So have the bread or have the beer, really sit and enjoy it.  If your body starts to say to you, I feel bloated every time I drink a beer, then make some changes. Drink half a beer or try a different beer.

Here are the mechanics for a,  healthy active lifestyle, during covid-19

  • trying keeping the energy light in our house
  • limit media, limit the news because it is mostly negative
  • have a lot of sunlight.
  • getting outside and connecting with nature. Being in nature boosts your immune system. I also love to bring nature into my house. I have lots of my salt lamps.
  • An, active lifestyle, starts with some sort of movement on a regular basis. It could be going out for a walk, it could be yoga, it could be bike riding. Exercise calms your nerves.
  • drink a lot of water
  • increasing your vitamin C intake. I've been making this lemon ginger juice.
  • stay open to the lessons of the, covid-19, pandemic
  • be grateful for what you have and for your family
Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

I read somewhere that you were disappointed in Oprah. Please share why that is.

I would to preface this statement with I do love Oprah. I love her in so many different ways as a woman, as a woman of color.  She is breaking the mold and I love her for so many reasons; but a few weeks ago, I was watching an interview with her in Lady Gaga and she's on stage and they were talking about mental health and I loved it. I was like yes I love this conversation they're about mental health, this is such an important part of health right now. But then I started seeing  WW everywhere and I was like what is WW? It was  Weight Watchers and I was so devastated in that moment because Weight Watchers is diet culture.  It's the epitome of diet culture.  They were having this beautiful conversation about mental health and calorie counting. Weight Watchers has been proven to be mentally unhealthy. It was so sad.

I still love Oprah, I know she's human.  I know she's flawed.  I forgive her.

Do you have any special programs or coaching programs that promote a, Healthy Lifestyle

You can find all coaching programs at www.wildlyalive.com

I do have a new free challenge called the embrace and reach your body challenge, that will start in a few weeks.  You could go to wildlyalive.com flash challenge.

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/its-not-about-willpower-how-to-lose-weight-without-dieting/

https://myhelps.us/how-nutritional-supplements-help-achieve-optimum-health/

https://myhelps.us/reprogram-mind-stop-binge-eating/

Your Struggle is Part of Your Story

Your, struggle, started before you were born. Your mama acted that way because of her story, your father won’t have walked away if he didn’t also have a story. Your shift started the day you were born but it is not the day your, story, started.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11560440-your-struggle-is-part-of-your-story.mp3?download=true

Marilyn Monroe's story of struggle

I just finished watching the Netflix film called Blondie the, Marilyn Monroe story. Marilyn’s, story, is the perfect, back story, for my message today. Her, story, started way before she was born.  Her parents met and had a baby.  Both of them were messed up.  Her father walked away, and her mother blamed, Norma Jean, for her father walking away.  The fact that the father walked away contributed to her mental health and what did she do, she abused, Norma Jean, because that is what adults do when they are hurting, they hurt the defenseless.

What was her father’s, story? Why did he walk away and abandon his child at conception and never looked back.  In the, story, there was a fire and the mother attempted to drive through the fire to get to the father’s house in Hollywood which tells me he was not without means. Yet he walked away from his daughter and never looked back.  What was his, story? It probable started with his parents.

The movie showed Norma Jean, Marilyn Monroe, looking for her father her entire life until her death. Parents do so much damage to kids. Norma Jean’s struggled in life even though she was the most successful movie star in history. They are still writing about her and talking about her 3 decades after her death.

She never knew her father and her mother was mentally ill and abused her, even tried to drown her. She struggled her entire life because of the shift she took over from messed up parents. She was the most beautiful woman, men all over the world wanted even Presidents, yet she had no value for herself.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Lack of love in our childhood contribute to struggle

The fact that her father did not love her, she let men abuse her.  I am not a psychiatrist, but I would guess because she felt unlovable.  She had no self-worth. So, she made an impact on this world, but never found personal happiness in it. She lived her life to make men happy, make movie producers happy and everyone else.  When she started falling apart, they gave her drugs so she could continue making movies.

So, are you in a story of, struggle? Do you see yourself anywhere in Marilyn’s, story? I want to let you know that you were set in your situation by circumstances that happened before your birth, you are not to blame for your story.

Your birthday isn’t your start day it’s just the day when your shift started.

You have to fight someone else’s battle, that’s why generational curses are real. In my church whenever the pastor baptizes a baby, he cancels all generational curses.

Let’s say that your grandparents dabbled in witchcraft or even belonged to a Lodge, you inherited their sins and curses. It is up to you to repent for the sins of your forefathers and walk a straight and narrow path.  If you don’t repent for their sins the sins of the father and mother is passed on to the 3 and 4 generation.

You need to declare and decree that victory is going to happen on your shift. The buck stops here.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Samuel's struggle in a barren temple

In the bible story of, Samuel, the prophet, God took, Samuel, from the barrenness of his mother’s womb to the barrenness of a temple to prepare him to become a prophet. Sometimes your, struggle, is preparing you for your purpose and destiny. Sometimes you have to wander in the wilderness until you get to the promised land.

So, how do you, rewrite your story, of, struggle, to one of abundance and flow? You have to shake things up, get out of your routine. When you are comfortable just existing, you don’t get revelation. Nothing happens when you are in your comfort zone, if you want to move the needle from, struggle, to flow, you have to get out of your, comfort zone.

That is the only way you will hear the voice of God when he calls you. In the darkness of the night God speaks. God shows up in your barren places and calls you by name.

When God called, Samuel, in the middle of the night, Samuel, didn’t recognize it was God because he had never spoken to him before. Learn to hear God’s voice by being in constant communication with him.

Conclusion to struggle

In conclusion, if you are in, struggle, at the moment understanding that you are just continuing the, story, that started before you were born is the way out. You need to change the, story, because then your children and your children’s children will continue the, struggle.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Praying for flow and abundance for you. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Your Pain Reveals Your Purpose

Surviving Divorce: The Ultimate Roadmap to Rebuilding Your Life

In this blog post, Karen McMahon, Divorce coach discuss the ins and outs of divorce, and provide you with the resources you need to rebuild your life after a divorce. Many people believe that divorce is the end of the world, but that's not necessarily the case.

In this episode, we're going to discuss the steps you need to take in order to rebuild your life after a divorce. We'll cover topics like financial planning, communication strategies, and rebuilding your relationship with your children. If you're struggling after a divorce, don't worry! This podcast is designed to help you on your road to rebuilding your life after divorce.

Download the podcast here

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13264126-surviving-divorce-the-ultimate-roadmap-to-rebuilding-your-life.mp3?download=true

Bio

Karen McMahon is a certified relationship and divorce coach and the founder of Journey Beyond divorce.  Together Karen and her team of divorce coaches encourage thousands of men and women worldwide to navigate their divorce calmly, clearly and with confidence. Karen began her journey as a coach in 2010 after coming to the realization that her tumultuous three and a half year divorce was a catalyst for a transformational journey into a new life, instead of allowing her pain to wear her down.

She turned inward with a laser-like focus and worked on healing herself, setting suitable barriers and surrendering what she could not control. Karen now shows others that the shifting world of divorce is a perfect opportunity to begin identifying and practicing new ways of thinking being and doing.  Looking at relationship challenges with A New Perspective inevitably leads to deeper self-discovery, which allows individuals to boldly move forward in to the next chapter of Life.

Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey beyond divorce podcast, the co-author of stepping out of chaos, turning pain to possibility and the co-creator of JBD's exclusive 12-step divorce recovery program.  Her other accomplishments include work as in NYS lobbyist Health Advocate, Community organizer and chairperson of an NYS non-profit organization.

Goodpods podcast

Divorce is one of life ambushes

Myrna: I remember an interview that I had just a few weeks ago with retired Navy SEAL Jason Redman, who talked about, life ambushes, and one of the ambushes he talks about was divorce.  Jason said that people when they have a life Ambush, they keep looking at the closed door.  They don't understand that whenever you have an end you also have a new beginning, so that's where I'm going to start off my conversation today.

Karen said that she started this work after she went through her divorce and realized that it was a beginning of something, so Karen how do you teach your clients to turn the pain of the of divorce into a possibility?

Karen: That's a great starting question and so the first thing I'll say is there are those who ask for the divorce and those who find themselves blindsided when the divorce comes to them.  So if you're asking for a divorce, if you're finally deciding that you want a divorce, you've been struggling in your marriage for a long time.  You may have gone through counseling, but you've been on your own grief Journey for some time now and it's still super messed up.

Then there is those who are blindsided, they knew the marriage had problems but every marriage has problems and so when their spouse says I want a divorce they're like hit, they're ambushed and it feels like they're being run over by an  18-wheeler.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Divorce road map

So I always like to talk about the, grief Journey, because the person who's ambushed is immediately in denial.  Oh are you seeing someone?  You're just going through a midlife crisis, you're just confused, this can't be happening.  They start bargaining, they go through this whole thing and a lot of people who have decided to divorce will think their spouse is being manipulative when in fact they're really in this, grief Journey.

Myrna:  I can understand you going into the possibilities of what can happen so diving a little deeper. What is the, roadmap for divorce,  you coach your clients  about the possibility of relationships, career, etc.

Karen: The roadmap for divorce, is like a roadmap to a destination with all the stops.  I was just speaking to a client earlier today and this person knows they need to leave and so there's so much to map out.

  • When do I tell my spouse
  • How do I tell my spouse
  • What do we say to the kids
  • When do we say it to the kids
  • If it's a high conflict marriage do I tell them individually
  • Will mom or dad throw me under the bus and hurt the kids if I tell them together?
Sponsored Ad

With HelloFresh, you get farm-fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, AND affordable – that’s why it’s America’s #1 meal kit!

HelloFresh wants you to have it all: free time AND fresh, tasty food. So leave the meal planning and shopping to HelloFresh. They deliver the ingredients, so everything you need to whip up a delicious meal arrives right to your door.

HelloFresh gets that you want options when it comes to what to make for dinner, not just the same old thing all the time. That’s why they offer 40 recipes to choose from every single week, so you’ll never get bored and can always find something new to try and love.

So, when you need dinner fast, don’t call for delivery – think HelloFresh! I love their meat and veggies recipes ready in 30 minutes or less. Plus, HelloFresh is 25% cheaper than takeout.

 I love that my HelloFresh meal kit box comes with a recipe card, all the ingredients, including onions, potatoes, and condiments like sauces, are all pre measured so all I have to do is cook and serve. The beautiful thing about these meals is that it allows me to be a gourmet cook. Take for instance the Crispy Kickin’ Cayenne Chicken Cutlets with Mashed Potatoes, Carrots &  Honey Drizzle. It looks and tastes delicious. It is not shake and bake!

Head over to HelloFresh.com/transform50 and and use code transform50 for 50% off plus free shipping.

HelloFresh Transform 50
HelloFresh Transform 50

The emotional load and emotional pain body are enormous.  At Journey Beyond divorce, we support people both on the Practical Journey which is telling the spouse, telling the kids, finding an attorney, figuring out your finances, how do I negotiate, how does the court work.

Journey beyond divorce: co-parenting

That whole journey and as you're going down that Journey, what's coming up it's like you've jumped into a murky Pond and all of your shortcomings, all of your insecurities, everything you need to heal from and refine comes bubbling up. So now you're in an emotional tsunami after just being drop shipped into a foreign land called divorce, where you don't know the language you don't have a guide and you don't know what the heck you're doing.

It's really a powerful opportunity for, personal transformation, and reinvention because basically it's a hot mess.

Myrna: For sure, one of the things that you teach is how to do effective, co-parenting.  So can we talk about that for a minute.

Karen:  So in today's day and age the majority of people get 50/50 custody and the reason is I think that to a large degree our dad's a much more  engaged.  So when the decision is made and you might still be living under the same roof, it's a good time to start saying let's let's experiment with this co-parent thing.

This is always hard for especially if it's a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home parent, because you're so used to this being all your division of labor.  I want to talk about when co-parenting, and this is straight through the divorce, not only don't you speak to your child about what's wrong with their other parent they are 50 that other parent.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Never bash the other parent to your kids

So not only don't you get on the phone with your girlfriend in the kitchen complaining about your soon-to-be ex while the kids are listening in the living room because they're always listening and it does such incredible harm.   I'm divorcing him because he wasn't a good spouse or partner let's not assume that means he's not a good parent.

Myrna:  I'm talking to you because I've never done the co-parenting thing and it sounds real complicated. I'm wondering does it benefit the kids?

Karen: A hundred percent. I work a lot in, high conflict divorce, and if you have a parent who has severe trauma, personality disorder, addiction, alcoholism etc. If you have a very, high conflict co-parent, the children are better spending more time with you.  But children unless those people are dangerous it's always valuable for kids to experience both parents on a regular basis.

If you have one, high conflict personality, it's so vitally important that if you're married to the, high conflict personality, I can guarantee you you've lost your temper.  You've raged, you've been a people pleaser, a codependent, you don't have boundaries, and you have to work on all of those things to become a whole and healthy person.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

High conflict divorce

You can teach your children those skills so that they can navigate that, high conflict personality, you get to divorce them the children have to find the lanes that work for them.  The safe places where they can really enjoy that, high conflict parent, and know that it's not their responsibility to take care of mommy or daddy.

There's one other piece that if I could talk about with co-parenting sometimes it was my experience a lot of people in a, high conflict divorce, sometimes the children come back from the other parent and and they're upset, they've been put down, they've been ignored, they feel diminished, they don't feel heard, they might not feel loved.

The worst thing that the mom can do is criticize their dad.  It's so vitally important if your child comes to you and they're struggling with the other parent, ask a lot of questions.

  • What happened,
  • how did that make you feel,
  • what did you do about it,
  • what do you wish you could do about it,
  • what were you afraid to do that you wished you could do about it,
  • why are you afraid,
  • how can I help you,
  • how would you do it different next time,
  • how do we help you be able to say to Daddy or to set a boundary?

Myrna:  I was talking about how love turns to hates so quickly.  If a divorce happens because irreconcilable differences or something along those lines where you've been you've been living for a while and it's not working out you decide to divorce, but a lot of times, you're calling it,  high conflict divorce, I'm assuming that you're meaning, high conflict,  infidelity or you really hate your spouse male or female.

Mommy hates Daddy, mommy is  gonna jump on that opportunity to bash that man, there's absolutely no way that we're gonna oh you know Daddy's not a bad person.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

What is a high conflict divorce?

Karen:  Actually there are plenty of people who divorce and are angry and hate each other, that's actually not, high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce,  is when you're divorcing someone who takes zero responsibility and I'll say this because I think it's important in today's day and age everyone's like oh you're divorcing a narcissist.

I have a hard time with that, we're not psychologists, we don't know that, but what we do know is if you have someone who has very black and white thinking.  Who always blames you and can't take responsibility, who seems to have a different memory of almost everything that happened yesterday or in history.  Who can't sit down at the table and negotiate anything because they want everything or they're always right you're wrong.

These are personalities where a divorce isn't is a negotiation,  because negotiations require transparency and compromise.   Most Garden variety divorces involve someone who hates the other one or who's outgrown them and they're not interested in them.  But no matter how you feel about your ex please hear me it is never ever going to be valuable for you to tell your child how bad their parent is.

Taking off your armor and trusting after a divorce

Myrna:  I agree with that totally.  In my community women don't even want the kids even to see the parent because they hate them so much.   All right, now one of the other things we talk about  is after the battle of the divorce, when the divorce is final, that women put down our weapons and take off our armor and start to trust again.  How do we how do you teach women to become vulnerable again and trust again?

Karen: That is one of the most important questions and I hope that everyone listening that you can receive this.  When our trust has been broken, it usually starts with us breaking our trust in ourselves, and what I mean by that is most of us will say I knew it. I saw the red flags and ignored them.  I saw that characteristic in him but he was just so handsome and sexy,  I ignored it.

So when you start rebuilding trust, don't bash yourself, don't criticize yourself don't condemn yourself, for what you did.  Be incredibly compassionate with yourself and start tuning in because our fear voices is this loud Amplified voice and our inner wisdom our intuition is this very soft whisper.  When we can start tuning into the soft whisper and trusting our intuitive hit, our women's intuition that is going to be the foundation of building trust.

Entrepreneurship and divorce

Myrna: A lot of people don't think about going through a divorce when you're an entrepreneur and you have a business or maybe even going a divorce in the corporate world.  When you are not emotionally at your Peak everything falls around you like dominoes.  So what are three ways of keeping your business running smoothly during a divorce?

Karen: So you want three okay so the first thing I'm gonna say is:

  • The first one is you're going through the largest transition of your life, you're not going to be on your A game, so adjust your expectations.  If you've got some enormous campaign that you've planned for this upcoming year and you're going to be in the courts and juggling kids and becoming a single parent you're basically setting yourself up to fail.
  • The second thing is to realize what's going on.  When we're going through divorce, life is busy and overwhelming for all of us.  It's almost like being on your computer and adding this huge database that's going to download onto your computer you know when you download something it's like every program slows down it gets really glitchy it just freezes that's what's happening in your brain.
  •  I'll say like hiring a coach and a therapists because the do different things.  A coach helps you both logistically and emotionally, a good attorney and you might need a financial plan; but on a personal level what is your All-Star support team look like?

Conclusion

Myrna:  Karen this has been amazing, you have designed a 12-step divorce recovery program which sounds really great because what you're saying is  you've got to recover from this divorce.

Karen:  We found that over the course of years we started looking at what are all of the typical emotional challenges that people face during and after divorce. So we created the 12 Steps around that and so the first one which would be a surprise to nobody is to curb the conflict, because no matter what kind of a divorce you have there's going to be conflict.  Let's keep the focus on you and look at your behavior and here's how you can do things differently.

Then we have another step that's about calming the chaos.  Most chaos during divorce doesn't happen outside of you it happens between your ears, it's your stinking thinking.  So what are your assumptions, what are your interpretations, what are your limiting beliefs?   We talk in the 12 Steps about becoming less problem focused and more solution focused.  We talk about how to grieve and grieve well and the importance of feeling your feelings and so many more.

Each step is really helping someone pivot in one an area of their emotional experience of divorce.

Myrna:  How can our listeners and those watching on TV get in contact with you? Talk about your website how they can get all the course?

Karen: We are Journey Beyond divorce on all platforms. It's Journey Beyond divorce podcast, Journey_Beyond divorce on Instagram and if the high conflict part of the conversation resonates with you we just created a toxic quiz and it's on the home page.  It's 10 questions and it gives you a really good sense of the health or lack thereof of your current relationship.

Additional Resources

How to be Confident after a Divorce

The Power Of Personal Branding and Creating First Impression

Are you tired of your current image? Are you struggling to find a new, more confident you? Then this blog is for you. In this podcast episode, Keri Blair, personal stylist and image consultant, teach some of the basic principles of personal branding, and how you can use them to transform your image.

By following these techniques, you'll increase your confidence and create a stronger personal brand. Whether you're looking to get ahead in your career or just feel happier with your personal brand, this podcast episode is for you! By following these simple tips, you can start to change the way people see you, and make a real impact on your life by creating lasting first impressions!

Download the Podcast Here:

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13007969-the-power-of-a-personal-brand-with-keri-blair.mp3?download=true

Bio

Keri Blair is a, personal stylist, and, image consultant, with a one-of-a-kind approach and she prides herself in making a profound difference in people's lives with her work. Keri and her team are known as a secret weapon and our trusted advisors to their extensive clientele across the country, she has over 20 years of experience styling executives and high profile clients drawing upon her experience inside of the world most dynamic and beautiful cities including New York, Los Angeles, Paris and Milan. I guess those are all the fashion capitals of the world

Myrna: how did you become a, personal stylist, and, image consultant?

Keri:  I started my business over 20 years ago and before then I was doing sales. I was traveling the country selling a variety of things and I noticed that I couldn't dress the same way when I was selling in a board room in New York City as if I were in Texas. So that kind of started me on my journey. I thought wow wait a minute they're not listening to me here when I dress like this, but if I dress like this.

I would take breaks from my sales career and I would go work at Nordstrom for six months and then I would go back into my sales career and then I would take a break and go work at Neiman Marcus for six months and during that time what I realized was a lot of people didn't feel great about how they looked.

Neurocycle App
Neurocycle App

Personal styling and personal branding is based on how you feel about yourself

I think that's safe to say that the majority of people don't feel right on any given day. I thought if people weren't so busy tugging at their pants and wondering how they looked, they could make a bigger difference in the world. They could make more money, they could have better relationships, and their confidence would go through the roof. That's really why I started this business, it had nothing to do with fashion for me it was really about making people feel unbelievable and empowering them to be their best selves.

Myrna: Yes, I remember as a salesperson wanting to look successful and make that good, first impression.  I remember you know worrying about your purse and your suit and getting the right colors like the power colors and all that. I can understand what you're saying where you know if you're New York then you've got to have the suit and the briefcase, but then when you go to Texas maybe it's a little bit laid back.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

Finding Personal branding in retail stores

What did you learn about personal branding from working at Neiman Marcus?

Keri: I learned that, personal style, isn't just about body issues it's about how we feel about ourselves.  I mean we're human beings and we've got some issues right that's why that's why you and I have a job right right it goes deeper than our bodies,  but when you hire a stylist we can  camouflage what you don't love about your body and accentuate what you do love about your body.

In fact I go a lot deeper with my clients. I help them transform their relationship with their body, before you even put the clothes on. What's your relationship with your body because for the most part we punish ourselves. Sometimes my size zero or size two clients are harder on themselves than my size 26 clients.

I don't even know where we learned that from. I think it's at a very young age we start being critical and hard on our bodies and then we don't know how to dress them and we kind of a dysfunctional view of ourselves. When you have the a great outfit on, it does make you feel more confident about your body.

Personal branding and image

Myrna: How does, personal branding, and image connect?

Keri: A lot of people don't know what I mean by, personal branding, but it's just like branding for a company. When you're branding your company you are very specific about the font they use and the color that they use and the people that they'll let represent their brand right? Companies spend millions of dollars on branding, but when it comes to us as human beings a lot of human beings are not thinking through what's my, personal brand, they're just getting dressed hoping that it works.

It takes less than three seconds to make a, first impression, and we've all heard that over and over right you never get a second chance to make a great, first impression, and it doesn't matter that we've heard it over and over again people are not doing anything about it. But if you can take control of your, first impression, you specifically design it and then have your wardrobe match it, then miracles happen in your life. Because what people see is what you want them to see so for instance if you want to be known as an expert in your field, successful, polished and sophisticated you've got to dress that part right.

That's why, personal branding, and, first impression, are so imperative because people are seeing you from across the room and they're making split-second judgments on your image. They're not trying to be superficial, it's just we live in such a fast-paced society you have to make up your mind instantly and you may be turning people off that you really want to get to know.  I think it's so important to take control of how the world sees you.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Designing Your image and personal brand

Myrna: How do you teach your clients to be authentic to their image and, personal brand?

Keri:  So the first step is figuring out what you want your, personal brand, so I go really in depth with people. It is your, personal brand, so what do you want people to know about who you are when they first look at you. So what are your best qualities on the inside that we want to shine through to the outside for people to see.

Myrna: What can female podcasters wear for, personal branding? The men are wearing t-shirts. I wear clothes that create the personal branding image of being on the Today’s Show or any other television talk show.

Keri: You can go in five different directions here, so I love what you're doing, because I believe that why you're doing that is because you are stepping into the role that you're playing as a podcast host. What's interesting to me is I think through the pandemic right people got super casual. That is when it probably happened that people started wearing t-shirts or their sweatpants.   I work with a lot of CEOs and Executives that also fell prey to that casual wear, but I try to get them to see how it is affecting their personal branding.

I can tell like you the way that you're dressed today in this gorgeous yellow shirt and your colorful necklace you just look stunning and you you vibrate happiness and joy and sophistication and that's important that is, personal branding.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Confidence and personal branding

Myrna: Thank you  You talked about confidence and how it affects your, style confidence, so how does, personal branding,  connect your confidence level?

Keri:  So we all start our morning in the exact same way, which is we go to our closet and put clothes on and based on what you choose your confidence either goes up or it goes down right?  That's why it's so important to have a style that's yours and that you love and that feels great because then instantly your confidence level goes up.

Myrna:  How do you teach people to take their image and, personal branding, to the next level?

Keri: Great question, I think is under asked so the first thing is what I talked about earlier which is designing your first impression. So instead of getting dressed in a haphazard way, because something could look good on you that doesn't fit your first impression. Since you know who you are on the inside, and what you want others to know about you through how you are on the outside that's where you really want to begin.

How to Create a Great First Impression

So what is your, first impression, I have this whole process I walk people through.

  • Get to know your body
  • learn to love your body that's a tough one for people but I have exercises that I walk people through so that they can transform their relationships with their body
  • then know your colors. Know what colors look great on you. Color has a certain vibration so even if you have on this amazing outfit  that looks awesome and if it's the wrong color then it didn't work right.
  • the next step is going through your closet and getting rid of clothes that don't serve you, that no longer match your vibration. That no longer match your, first impression, or they no longer fit you. Get rid of the Clutter. I'm a big Advocate that if you want to accomplish big things in life you have to remove what doesn't serve you.

Most people only wear 25 % of what's in their closet, but then we're dealing with all of the clutter every morning. Instead fill your closet with clothes that represent your personal brand, clothes that make you feel unbelievable, look gorgeous, and nail your, first impression. Then only buy things that light you up and that make you feel great and that match your, personal brand.

Myrna: so how does somebody say well this is my brand and this is the type of clothes that fits my brand I know we talked about the fact that you know we we're bringing how we feel on the inside out like for me yes I'm very bubbly and effervescence and I like color and I have dark skin and those things and you know when I choose an outfit I'm looking for color and I'm looking for shape and I'm looking for certain things that I know works for me um but I wouldn't go as far as saying it's my brand so put that in a little box for us how do we find a, personal brand?

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

How to establish your personal brand

Keri:  I tell people to come up with three to five adjectives that best describe who you are and what you want other people to know about you and sometimes that's the hardest question I ever asked someone, because you'd be amazed how many people can't answer that question. So you've got to do some work and ask yourself what do I really want people to know about me in the first three seconds?

Creating a great, first impression, might even be faster now, but in those first glances where I can't shake their hand, I can't smile, I can't do anything. What do I want to have them know about who I am?  Once you can come up with three to five adjectives, that's your first step in, personal branding. You should come up with those adjectives, then go through your closet and try things on and ask does this express those adjectives?

If it doesn't get rid of it. Don't keep it around. This process takes some people a while so I've had people do fun exercises to help them clean out their closet. I just did a mastermind and one of the exercises I had people do was once you create your, first impression, of your, personal brand, get on Pinterest and play around with it.  Look and see what's your, first impression, of others, because sometimes when we see it in others, that helps us see it in ourselves.

Your Curated Style Couse

Myrna: Let's talk about your course, you have a six week course that's called “Your curated style” can you take people through what they can expect in this course.

Keri: Thank you, so um after working almost 21 years with Executives and CEOs, I thought it was a shame that only wealthy people or people that had a lot of money could hire me. I have a unique system that I know changes people's lives, so I spent a year figuring out how to transform people's lives from there homes.

I designed your curated style it's a six-week course and I walk you through what I walk all my clients through and it's life-changing. I work with you on how:

  • To design your, first impression,
  • I work with you on transforming your relationship with your body, what colors are good for your image.
  • How to edit your closet
  • Then we go shopping. I'll tell you designer names. I'll tell you stores and again I have clients on all different budgets and all different sizes, so I run the gamut.  You don't have to worry about something not working for you.
  • Then we do accessorizing and makeup.

Conclusion personal branding and style

I  cover it all, so that at the end of six weeks you can be the brand that you want to be, and it's so inspiring people really have produced the same results as if they worked with me one-on-one.  That's a real fulfillment for me.

Myrna: That's awesome, how can people get in touch with you? How can they sign up for your course?

Keri:  So the course is yourcuratedstyle.com. Please see links below.

Additional Resources

Intermittent Fasting: Does It Work For Women?

Men rock intermittent fasting,  but does it work for women? As women we have three hormones that we have to take into consideration when fasting.   Estrogen, progesterone and testosterone.  Estrogen loves when you keep glucose down. Progesterone, is completely the opposite way. In fact, I always say that progesterone and estrogen are like twin sisters. They look the same. We call them sex hormones, but they have massively different personalities.

In this episode Dr. Mindy Pelz teaches us from her Book “Fast Like a Girl” how to rock intermittent fasting as a woman.

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/12419471-intermittent-fasting-does-it-work-for-women.mp3?download=true

Bio

Commonly known as “The Reset Doc,” Dr. Mindy Pelz is a renowned holistic health expert who is on a mission to start a women’s health revolution!

Teaching her signature “5-Step Approach,” Dr. Mindy has empowered hundreds of thousands of people around the world to harness their body’s own healing abilities through fasting, diet variation, detoxing chemicals from the body, stress management, and lifestyle changes – as keys to achieving optimum health and slowing down the aging process. Her private coaching group, The Reset Academy, teaches women how to sync a fasting lifestyle with their hormones.

She is the author of several bestselling books including the newly-released Fast Like a Girl, The Menopause Reset, The Reset Factor, and The Reset Kitchen. Her members-only Facebook group, The Resetter Collaborative, includes over 30,000 active members. Dr. Mindy’s podcast, “The Resetter Podcast,” is ranked within Apple’s top 40 category of U.S. science podcasts.

Sponsored Ad

This podcast is sponsored by Organifi,  a line of organic superfood blends that offer plant-based nutrition with high quality ingredients and less than 3g of sugar.

Organifi is more than a superfood company – it’s a lifestyle with roots in transformation coaching.  Organifi Green Juice is a delicious superfood blend with 11 superfoods for detoxifying the body. The more fat cells in the body, the more likely we are to store toxins. This is why detoxing and weight loss go hand in hand.

It Helps decrease cortisol

Helps reduce food cravings

And tastes delicious in just plain water, no need for a blender.

Organifi Glow Drink is a superfood blend that hydrates the skin, moisturize and support the body’s natural collagen production and elasticity and replenish your skin for a radiant, refreshed look. Plus, it’s rich in antioxidants to fight wrinkle-causing free radicals and It tastes great with a delicious raspberry lemonade flavor.

Organifi Harmony
Organifi Harmony

Organifi Harmony was created to support women with pesty PMS symptoms like bloating, fatigue and mood-swings to get back to the state of harmony they desire. Harmony also supports a healthy estrogen to progesterone ratio, which can help decrease menopause symptoms.

Go to organifi.com/myrna and use code MYRNA for 20% off your entire order” Follow at #organifi

Organifi green juice
Organifi green juice

What is intermittent fasting?

Myrna: So to start off, Dr. Mindy you are a renowned holistic health expert. Can you share with our audience, what exactly is, intermittent fasting, and what our body does in, ketosis?

Dr. Mindy:  Yeah, it's such a good place to start the conversation. Thank you for asking that because, intermittent fasting, has become this buzzword that so many of us throw around, but I could put you in a room full of 100 people and everyone will have a different definition of what is, intermittent fasting.

And that is the whole premise of what I teach. So, here is the best way we can look at, fasting. We must remember that we have two energy systems. So, when you're trying to get energy to go about your day when you're trying to get mental energy, you want energy to heal.

A lot of the conversation in the health world has been around quality of food and what to eat and, and what foods are going to be the best for you. And so, there has been a lot of food conversation, but what we don't realize is that's only one of our energy systems, that when glucose goes high, yes, glucose in a balanced way can really help support Cellular Healing specially if you're eating the right foods, but it's only 50% of the conversation.

Sponsored Ad

Looking to cut down on food expenses? Get more bang for your bite with America’s Best Value Meal Kit! Every Plate is 25% cheaper than grocery shopping, so you can count on great value, week after week. Plus, only pay for what you need with pre-portioned ingredients.

You can count on EveryPlate to make mealtimes easier, without compromising on quality. EveryPlate recipes include only the highest-quality ingredients, including sustainably-sourced seafood, so you know your meals will be fresh and flavorful.

Customize EveryPlate meals to your liking with options to swap proteins and sides, or add a protein to veggie dishes each week. You do you! Choose from 22 sides, snacks, desserts, and more!

I loved my EveryPlate meal kit, it was fast, convenient and costs less than cooking from scratch.

My first meal kit box came with Gravy Lovers Meatballs, Gooey Stuffed Pork Burgers and French onion chicken.  All with a 10 min prep time.  After a long day, it was great getting out of the kitchen and relaxing with family. “Get $1.49 per meal by going to EveryPlate.com/podcast and entering code transform149.” : “That’s up to a $110 value!”

Everyplate meals kit
Everyplate meals kit

The Ketogenic energy source

Because this other energy source is what we have come to know as the ketogenic energy source. Now, the ketogenic energy source, I like to lovingly call it the fat burning system, because the only way you can make ketones is by burning fat. So, hallelujah, because we can start to see that we can make ketones and lose weight at the same time.  Those ketones what they will do is they'll go up into the brain and they start to supercharge your brain, they repair neurons, they kill hunger, or they repair any mitochondria throughout your body.

So, it is this healing state that we put ourselves in. So, when you ask what is, intermittent fasting, it is you are tapping into the, ketogenic, fat burning healing energy system. That’s why so many people are crazy about it. Most of us until we try fasting we've never experienced the power that our body can have using this energy state as fuel.

Myrna: So if we eat bad food for 8 hours and fast for 16 hours does  that mean that we don’t get fat?

Dr Mindy: That's really a great question.  So, there are two things that will happen is one you what you're doing if you eat that meal, you're eating that fast food and you're eating it in a confined period. During that time when you are eating that fast food, your blood sugar is going up, your inflammatory markers  are going up, your cholesterol is going up.  Those things are still going to happen and I'm not advocating for that style of food. But so many people are addicted to that way of eating.

Sponsored Ad

This episode is sponsored by Just Thrive. Ever feel tightness in your tummy sitting in rush hour traffic, or get sick to your stomach before a big presentation?

That’s because your gut – not your brain – is responsible for your stress response.

So, to manage stress, and feel calm and in control, you have to give your gut what it needs to thrive.

Personally, I trust Just Thrive Probiotic because it’s recommended by some of the biggest names in the health industry.

It’s a game changer for helping you sidestep gas, bloat, and constipation…

And – It’s been shown to help flip the switch on stress so you can feel confident and in control.

And for next level stress management, I pair the Probiotic with Just Thrive’s breakthrough new formula, Just Calm.

Just Calm’s proprietary ingredients have been clinically proven to do the almost unimaginable:

  • Reduce perceived stress
  • Improve sleep quality and energy
  • and even encourage better focus and flow.

Just Thrive Probiotic and Just Calm make the perfect 1-2 punch to beat stress before it beats you… Be sure to listen to the episode titled https://myhelps.us/the-role-probiotics-gut-brain-health/  so you can learn more about this groundbreaking company.

Right now, you can get 15% off this dynamic duo bundle -Just Thrive probiotic and Just Calm when you go to JustThriveHealth.com and use code: TRANSFORM at checkout

Just Thrive Probiotic
Just Thrive Probiotic

https://justthrivehealth.com/discount/transform

Intermittent fasting allows your body to heal

But here's the catch. If you give yourself 16 hours to heal, after you've eaten that toxic food, all those markers come back down. Fasting insulin comes down, glucose comes down, CRP cholesterol, all of them comes back down because you gave your body a chance to recover from the toxicity of that food.  I've seen incredible changes to, autoimmunity. Do you know, 80% of autoimmune conditions happen to women. So that's why it is so important for women to understand how to use fasting for themselves.

We have seen fasting totally obliterates chronic pain. It'll go away. Mood Disorders, reboots the whole dopamine system it can help with it can upregulate GABA so your anxiety will change. I mean menopause symptoms, you name it.

Myrna: Yeah, that's amazing such good information. You teach us to check our blood sugar to see what foods are taking us out of ketosis.  I used to drink apple cider vinegar and honey every morning not knowing that the honey was taking me out of ketosis.  So, let's say that you were trying to fast for 16 hours. What are some of the foods we can eat and stay in ketosis.  I believe you call them, fat bombs.

Sponsored Ad

As I Grow Up podcast:  “Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” It’s a powerful statement to remind us that we need to be like children in order to see the Kingdom of Heaven. But what makes a child so special that THEY are the example that WE need to follow in order to see that Kingdom? Well, simply, they learn.

They learn from all the lessons that GOD has to teach them. Something that we all never get too old to do. So, now, I invite YOU to grab some coffee or tea and join me, Carla Silver, as we talk about the lessons I have learned, and am still learning, As I Grow Up. A Christian Podcast on Spotify and Apple podcasts A Christian Podcast on Spotify and Apple podcasts

As I grow up podcast
As I grow up podcast

Intermittent fasting and fat bombs

Dr. Mindy: Okay, so the most common question we get because most people will fast in the morning is what about my coffee? And I would say that I'm going to give you sort of the general ideas of what works and then we'll give you a formula on how you can test it on yourself. But generally coffee works for most people. It is how many of us get through our fasting window. We get up in the morning, we have our coffee, and it keeps us going and there’s great science showing that coffee stimulates, autophagy, which is one of the mechanisms we are trying to trigger with fasting. So now what you put in that coffee really matters.

So, if you're putting coffee mate in it or a creamer that's very toxic or you're putting sugar in it, you're going to pull yourself out of a fasting state. So, what can you put in your coffee? A heavy cream typically works, some people use, MCT oil, which will actually kick up your ketones production and it will also turn off the hunger signals. So, I put a little scoop of, MCT oil, in my coffee. And you can do Ghee butter if you want.  Ghee butter was really popular for a while. Yeah, but like a fat bomb, that would be fine.

  • I wouldn't do nonfat milk, It's too high on the glycemic index. You need some fat to slow that spiking of the blood sugar down.
  • And I wouldn't do coffee mate,
  • I wouldn't do creamers.
  • I wouldn't do oatmeal or almond milk, they have tend to spike the blood sugar. really good. So does cow's milk.
Sponsored Ad

Lancer blinks intro

This song is called I came to Win by Lancer Blinks

Download on YouTube

https://youtu.be/P6XwvALgGB0

Lancer Blinks
Lancer Blinks

Does intermittent fasting work for women?

Myrna: So, does intermittent fasting work for women?  Talk to us about, intermittent fasting women. The last nutritionist that I had on the show, when I told her about my husband lost 40 lbs. doing, intermittent fasting, she said it usually works for men and doesn't work so much and women. What's the deal with, intermittent fasting weight loss?

Dr. Mindy: So, here's what we need to know about the difference between men and women. And when we look at our hormones, we are our hormones play out differently for us. So, let's start with men. A man's number one hormone is, testosterone. Most people know that. But what's interesting is testosterone goes up into the brain and converts into estrogen. So, you'll hear a lot of people say, men have estrogen. too.

They do, but it starts with testosterone and then it converts up into the brain. When a man is fasting, the research shows that he can improve his testosterone levels by 1300% in a 15 hour fast and he can he can improve his testosterone levels by 2,000% in a 24 hour fast so men rock fasting.  In fact, if you ever if you're married to a man, and you go into a fast together, I see this over and over again. The man's like I lost 30 pounds in like three weeks and the wife is like, I lost one pound! And that’s because of the difference of hormones.

Myrna: Wow.

Dr. Mindy: Yeah, literally, I've I feel like I could be a counselor for couples. So men, you rock fasting,  women we have three hormones that we have to take into consideration.  estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. So, an estrogen and progesterone play by vastly different rules. Estrogen loves when you keep glucose down. Estrogen is very tolerant of cortisol. So, if you want to go into a longer fast, or glucose goes down, insulin goes down and cortisol goes up, because cortisol will go up in a fast very much like exercise increases cortisol, and estrogen is going to love that. You want to clean up your estrogen system.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Intermittent fasting, estrogen and progesterone

Progesterone, is completely the opposite way. In fact, I always say that progesterone and estrogen are like twin sisters. They look the same. We call them sex hormones, but they have massively different personalities. And so, when we look at what progesterone wants, she wants you to bring glucose up. So, if you're fasting and you're keeping glucose down, you're going to make progesterone. Progesterone also wants you to keep cortisol low. So, it is the incomplete inverse of estrogen. That is why the book is called, fast like a girl.

I started to look at those hormones and go what is it that that needs? What are these behaviors and when you look at a woman who has a cycle, the front half of her cycle is when estrogen is in her glory. So fasting works great. The back half of her cycle is when progesterone is in her glory. So, no fasting is great. And so one of the things that I've that really propelled me to write this book was that the word got out into the world that women shouldn't fast. And it's like, yes, we should not fast when progesterone is coming in, which is the week before our period.

So, the diet that you ate at 35 that kept you slim and feeling great is not going to work for you at 45 because you've got to consider the loss of estrogen. I also believe women who have been all the way through menopause should actually go into longer fast, like three days fasting. It is a beautiful way to clean up that imbalance that estrogen, but you still have progesterone, she didn't go away, she's just a little less. And so with her you just are going to need to make sure that you step out of fasting and you step out of low carb or keto at least once a week, maybe a couple of times a week depending on how low your progesterone is.

So, in the book, I call it hormone feasting foods and these are the foods that you can feed progesterone to be able to give her the nutrients she needs.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Fasting like a girl

Myrna: So, why did you write the book Fast Like a Girl, why did you call it that? And what do you want people to walk away with after reading?

Dr. Mindy: It is a great question.  The catalyst for writing this book was because of what I was seeing in my clinic, what I was seeing on my YouTube channel where I teach fasting.  A million and a half people join the channel every month and they were leaving their comments.  I talk about a specific formula of fasting that took six different fasting types and two different food styles and mapped it to a woman's hormones.

And I was watching women hormonally come back into balance. I fixed my hormonal system using these six differently fasting tools and mapping them to my hormones or to my menstrual cycle in my mid-40s. So, I knew it worked for me. Then I taught my patients and I saw it work for them. And then I taught millions of other women across the world and I knew that I was on to something.  It's really interesting because right now we're getting so many incredible reviews on the book and everybody's like it works. It works.

So, that was sort of the meaning behind why we got this in print so that every woman has it. Now the title, I think there's a lot in the title that I want. I don't want women to lose because I've had a lot of women say to me, Well, I'm not a girl. Well, you know what, there's actually a feminist philosopher who wrote an essay back in the 1980s. About why the concept of running like a girl or throwing like a girl is actually an accurate statement. And the reason that it's accurate is because when you look at the Kinesiology or the mechanics of what it takes to throw a ball, our bodies are built differently than men.

So, we aren't going to throw a ball like a man because our hip ratio is different. Our arm length is different. Our muscle balance is different. Same thing with running like a girl so that's the idea behind the title Fast Like A Girl.  Women don't fast like your husband, don't do it like your brother, your father best friend. Do it like the girl design of you, of your feminine body.

Book: Fast Like a Girl
Book: Fast Like a Girl

Conclusion

Myrna: I Like that, right. Okay. And now you have your YouTube channel, you have a Facebook group, you have a podcast. Tell us about your social media handles and how we can follow you on social media. I've already started following you on Instagram. So, I see your videos on Instagram.

Dr.  Mindy: Yeah, thank you. Well, YouTube is my passion project. So, we I put out the science and the application of fasting all over YouTube. So, if you're interested in learning more, that's a great place to go. I am on Instagram @drmindypelz

My podcast is called The Resetter podcast and we have incredible discussions there with some brilliant minds. So, and you'll see if you listen to repetitive episodes, I always bring fasting into it and ask people about, intermittent fasting. So you can connect with me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, we have a closed Facebook group called that's free. And it's called The Resetter Collaborative, it's a fasting group has over 60,000 people in it. And there are some really amazing fasting minds in there.

So if you want more support, that's a great place. Yeah, we have an academy that is a membership group, where people who want assistance from me and my coaching my team of coaches and fasting warriors, we have a whole supportive group called the Reset Academy. And if you forget all of that, you could go to www.DrMindyPelz.com And it's all there.

Additional Resources

The Role of Probiotics in Gut Health and Brain Health

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

How do, Single Women over 40, find the love they want? How do they prepare themselves in the meantime while waiting on, Love.  Where do they find, single men?

Single women, who are believing God for a partner, can enhance their in the meantime experience by having the right mindset on why they want a partner, what are the best watering holes to find a partner and how to renovate, Love's house, so that it is ready for Love.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Finding Love Introduction

I think the best, dating advice, is that when, Love's House, is fully ready for, Love, the right partner will appear.

Dating advice, for, finding love again

  1. Work on being the best you.

Become clear on your strengths and the areas that needs improvements

Eg. Are you a good housekeeper or a good cook; but you lack self-esteem and self-confidence? Then work on improving your self -confidence

  1. Advice for single women, Be clear on why you want a partner
  • Do you want a partner for security or to help pay your bills?
  • Do you want a partner because it is culturally acceptable to be married or in a relationship?
  • Are you looking for a partner to complete you?
  • Or Are you looking for a soulmate and equal partner to share your life?
  • The last one was the perfect answer. Many, single women, and some, single men, are out there looking for a partner that contributes something to their lives; but never consider what they are bringing to the table.  Why would someone choose you?
Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Where do you, single women over 40, meet, single men?

The reason that so many, single men, and, single women, are still single is because it is hard to meet people.

Here are the most popular Watering holes for the, single woman.

  1. Church
  2. Bars
  3. Gym
  4. Sports events
  5. Networking events
  6. House parties
  7. Work

Most Christian, single women, would love to meet their spouse or partner in the church; but that is rare because most, single men, in church are using the church as their watering hole!

Bars are the most popular place for, single women under 40,  to meet a man; but here is some, dating advice. Bars have become hookup places for casual sex with no commitment; but in every scenario there are exceptions to the rule and you can, find love,  at a bar.

My daughter had the perfect combination, she met her Fiancé in a club; but he was also from her church!

I met my husband on a train. He was the officer who checked for tickets. The train is definitely not a watering hole; but soul mates will attract each other like a magnet in any place. Gas stations, parking lots, grocery stores, bus stop, anywhere!

I have met past boyfriends at a car wash, by friend introduction, Dance club, school, bus stop, train, and work and they were all committed relationships.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Finding love again, on Dating Sites

The newest place for, single women, to meet, single men, now are dating sites. The good thing about dating sites is that everyone on the site has the same goal, to meet a partner, or to start, dating, again.

As a realtor I love FSBO (For sale by owner) because they already want to sell their homes.  I don't have to convince them to sell, only that I am the right agent to sell their homes. Same with the dating site. You don't have to convince anyone to have a committed relationship, only that you are the one they are looking for.

Dating sites are tough if you are, finding love after a heartbreak, because it would be hard to trust. They are great for, single women over 50, because these women are not in the clubs or other social events.  They are home on their computers.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

My co-host today is Arifah Yusuf, a registered social worker and mental health counselor.

Arifah from a mental health perspective what can, single women, do to make sure they are sending the right vibes to a potential mate? Let’s say they meet someone at one of the many watering holes?

  • It’s really challenging sometimes, when it comes to giving off the right vibes, as different people enter spaces with their own intentions and interest.  It’s important for those that identify as women, to be mindful of their expectations and also have personal boundaries for themselves and others, so when engaging in conversations with, single men,  they can better be aware of the right vibes vs negative vibes, from themselves and others interacting with.  Some key tips, I would give are:
  • Before you try, finding love again, get to know yourself first and understand your past relationships (what worked/ didn’t work). This will help you get ready for a relationship, as you will be better able to recognize what you are looking for and if that relates to signs of a healthy relationship.
  • Some,  dating advice, Go to spaces where you may find someone with similar interest like you, somewhere that you feel comfortable and exudes positive energy. Most likely, you will attract  like minded, single men,   that will give off similar positive energy.
  • Be assertive and clear when communicating. Engage in conversations to discover common interest, identify personal traits.
  • When, dating, be open to new experiences.
  • Know your boundaries and if you feel someone is not respecting them, have your exit and safety plan ready.

These are some of the, dating advice, I would tell  my, single women, clients to keep in mind when thinking about meeting a, single man.

Where did you meet your husband?

  • Arifah says she met her  husband Kevin Mortley while I was working in the entertainment industry as a promoter.  He was also involved in the industry, promoting concerts for artist, and a graphic designer.  He reached out to me online and we had a conversation over the phone.

How do, Single Women, prepare, Love's House?

Almost 20 years ago, I read a book by Iyanla Vanzant called” In the meantime, finding yourself and the love you want”

The concept of this book is prepare yourself and your life for love while waiting in, Love's House.

One of the first things I remembered she said was to,

  • Start by living your, single life, like you are already in a relationship.
  • Park on your side in the driveway or garage,
  • Sleep on your side of the bed. Etc.
  • Let the Laws of Attraction work on, finding love again.

You are making room for a partner. But the synopsis of the book is to look at your, single life,  as a 3 story house, complete with a basement and an attic.

She calls this house, Love's House. Loving yourself in the meantime while you are waiting on, finding love again.

In the basement of, Love’s House, you are pretty miserable. You are hurting, lonely and disillusioned. Your emotions are blame, anger, and fear. But the basement is also a place for healing. For understanding yourself. If you don't fix yourself in the basement, you will carry that baggage and hurt into your next relationship.

Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

Arifah how do you help, single women, heal from hurt and blame?

  • Finding love after heartbreak, first fdentify and validate the pain.
  • Express yourself –Talking to a trust friend, family member or counselor is often a good way to soothe painful emotions and support healing.
  • Self care – take a break and find time for things you enjoy or would like to try (creative activities, manicure, hairstyles, movies, journaling, baking etc.)
  • Learn from it – An attitude of learning will help you discover value in the experience. You may also discover a curious new freedom: recovering from an emotional trauma or heartbreak makes you stronger, wiser and more resilient.
  • Reinvest in your new reality. Set goals and write down the steps and supports you need to begin working on them. Spark new energy and interests into your life, to find purpose and love of something else.

On the first floor of , Love's House, you are no longer miserable and is able to look objectively at why you attract the people in your life that you do. Who are let’s say are emotionally unavailable, abusive, unsupportive etc.

On the second floor of, Love's House, single women, Love’s house is where you change the dialog from victim to player. You educate yourself to play. You read books on, finding love again, you listen to podcasts on relationships, you start improving yourself, you become the picture card that everyone man wants.

The most important, dating advice  for, single women, on the second floor is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are enough and any man should be happy to have you. Say it until you believe it if you need convincing.

The third floor of, Love's House,  is when, single women,  are living the, single life, and loving who you are as a, single woman. Content with herself, whole, needing no man to complete her. She is confident, self-sufficient,  courageous and beautiful inside and out.

The top floor is the Attic

In the attic, single women, showers themselves with unconditional Love. Single women over 40,  are able to receive the love of, single men. This is where you will begin to attract the perfect partner because negativity, does not live here.

You know what you want and, who you seek is also seeking you!

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/acfds-6b7e1/Transform-your-Mind-Podcast

Arifah What, dating advice, you have for, single women, through the phases  of finding themselves in, love's house.

  • Make sense of your past

In order to thing about, finding love, first uncover who we are and why we act the way we do, we have to know our own story 

  • Differentiate

Differentiation refers to the process of striving to develop a sense of ourselves as independent individuals. In order to find ourselves and fulfill our unique destinies, we must differentiate from destructive interpersonal, familial and societal influences that don’t serve us.

  • Seek meaning

In order to find ourselves and, finding love after a heartbreak, we must all seek out our own personal sense of purpose. This means separating our own point of view from other people’s expectations of us. It means asking ourselves what our values are, what truly matters to us, then following the principles we believe in.

  • Recognize your personal power when, finding love again

When we know what we want, we are challenged to take power over our lives.   We are accepting ourselves as a powerful player in our own destiny. Harnessing our personal power is essential to both finding and becoming ourselves

  • Single women over 50, must silence their critical inner thoughts

This destructive thought process can be made up of a judgmental attitude that tells us we aren’t good enough to succeed or don’t deserve what we want or a soothing-seeming attitude that tells us we don’t have to try or that we need to be taken care of or controlled.

  • Know the value of friendship with, single men

We can seek out people who make us happy, who support what lights us up and who inspire us to feel passionate about our lives. Being friends while, dating, gives you the opportunity to learn things about the person that you may not have learned otherwise

Story of a, single woman, finding love after a heartbreak

In the last episode, I mentioned that I would love the listeners to join my Life coach group on Facebook.  They could ask questions and have myself and other members give them, dating advise.

Here is a question from Mari.  Her husband died last year and she wants, dating advice,  on how to start over. What should she look for in a mate?

As a, life coach, I think that, single women,  starting over or starting out, dating, again should have a list of what they want in a man.

  • It should go deeper than tall, dark and handsome!
  • You should have common interests,
  • be equally yoked,
  • have the same standard of living,
  • same religion,
  • similar sex drive.
  • The list could be lengthy and you are not going to get every thing on  your list but you are shooting for 80%.

Arifah What's your, Dating Advice, for Mari

Hi Mari, its never easy after a significant loss, or, finding love after heartbreak. There is no starting over, as your husband will still play a role in your lifestory. Moving forward, you want to know what type of role that will be, maybe its pictures in a photo album or another memory keepsake. You need to figure this out, before you move forward, as sometimes we feel guilty, which is normal; but its apart of the grieving process, allow yourself to acknowledge that is what it is and determine what new reality are you hoping for in seeking a mate.

You can start with figuring out what you want, create a love resume for yourself in terms of what would characteristics, interests, you are looking for in that, single man.  Once that's done, you are half way there to having a mindset and discovering possible spaces or friends your potential mate may visit.

I also got a question on my website. www.myhelps.com/contactus

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

This is a question from our last episode. We talked about fear and courage in our last episode.

How Do I handle the fear of, Dating, Steffy from India. Writes.

All I know is that I've a great fear. I've some kind of burden in my mind and I am not able to figure it out. I am a, single man,  I wake up in the middle of night and I have these panic attacks and stuff, tried meditation; but I am not able to concentrate. I need advice on, dating. Finding love again. The more I try the more I lose my hopes and start feeling worthless. Please help.

Since this is a mental health question I will let Arifah answer this one.

Hi Steffy, thank you for sharing your lived experience with fear.  It sounds like it is impacting your daily routine and ability to accomplish meaningful goals, such as, finding love. I want to say its common for people that are experiencing anxiety to lose hope, but you not worthless and help is available.

It may be helpful to monitor your daily routine and meals for the day, for example, stress/sugar and caffeine can increase anxiety.   Make an appointment to see your family doctor or at a clinic if you are able too, to share how you are feeling emotionally and physically.  Your doctor can provide professional advice to best help you.

In regards to fear of speaking to, single women, it’s helpful to practice writing down what you want to say, then reading it to yourself out loud or in front a mirror.  If you have friends/family you feel comfortable around and that are supportive, you can also practice public speaking in front of them first to get comfortable before larger crowds.

Breathing exercises and drinking water/herbal teas can be helpful in calming the nerves.  As well, watching videos or reading books from motivational speakers, that may offer tips you may find helpful.

Sponsored AD

Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies?

  • Columbus Financial is here to help.  Get the “Financial Freedom” That you deserve! Visit Columbus Financial & Success coach today, for Help on Financial Planning
  • Money Management
  • Debt Management
  • Credit Repair
  • Credit Consulting
  • Financial Life Coaching
  • Success Coaching

. Let one of our financial experts help you “Today”! Get your financial and personal life back in perfect alignment. Visit our website at https://columbusfinancialcoach.com/.

Additional Resources

How I Divorced My Imaginary Husband (and Got the Man of My Dreams)

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

https://myhelps.us/surviving-r-kelly-mindset-sexual-predator/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://news.abs-cbn.com/entertainment/03/28/17/erich-gonzales-im-enjoying-my-single-life

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/the-reality-of-life-as-a-single-mom/

https://www.scarymommy.com/dating-a-single-mom/

 

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

 

No fear, How do we say goodbye to Fear and live with courage?

What is fear? The first thing we must realize is that FEAR is False evidence appearing real.

Fear is an energy. Created totally in our minds. The energy of fear is powerful.  It can change the quality of lives.

A few years back, I had a guest in my home. When it was time for her to leave, it was dark and she refused to walk out the front door because she was afraid of Frogs jumping on her foot. Now, I have never seen a Frog in my front yard and neither had she; but she must have had an experience of a Frog jumping on her foot and it had traumatized her. So now every time she walks in a yard at dark, she was afraid of Frogs. How can we live with, no fear?

Now this is an example of a trivial fear but ask yourself. Is fear affecting the quality of your life? What would life be like if you had, no fear?

The problem with fear is that it is the bottom feeder of all emotions, that means that if you have fear in your heart you can’t have:

  • Love,
  • Happiness,
  • Feelings of belonging,
  • Self-reliance,
  • Self-control,
  • Initiative,
  • Ambition,
  • Enthusiasm,
  • or Certainty.
Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes
  • The most common appearances of fear in the, African American Community, are:
  • Fear of poverty
  • Fear of criticism
  • Fear of ill health
  • Fear of loss of love
  • Fear of old age
  • Fear of death

Today Arifah and I are going to look at how Fear shows up in African American families and how it prevents us from living a life of purpose and abundance.

Here are the symptoms of the, Fear of poverty:

  • Willingness to tolerate poverty
  • Acceptance of whatever compensation that life offers without protest.
  • Mental and physical laziness
  • Lack of initiative
  • Lack of imagination
  • Indecision
  • The habit of permitting others to think for you
  • Sitting on the fence of indecision
  • Excuses for not taking initiative
  • Excuses for failures
  • Envy of those who are successful
  • Finding fault with others who are successful

My co-host is Arifah Yusuf, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.

Here are Arifah's experience in working with youth and dealing with, No Fear, Living with Courage

In my experience working with young people, majority of children and youth live with anxiety.   The anxiety impacts their relationships to function in socially and or academically.  As well, how they view themselves and their ability to complete tasks or take risks.  Common signs of an anxiety disorder in youth I noticed are:

  • Constantly worrying about grades
  • Always trying to be perfect / Being afraid to make mistakes
  • Not sleeping well
  • Difficulty managing daily tasks and/or distress related to these tasks.
  • Anxious predictions – Worrying about something horrible happening (ie. Being embarrassed or humiliated)
  • Anxious thoughts “ I’m out of control, I can’t do this”
  • Avoiding friends or social situations and activities
  • Being afraid of speaking up and asking questions in class
  • Blanking out or freezing up in stressful situation
  • Safety behaviors (habits to minimize anxiety and feel “safer,” e.g., always travelling with a friend or have cell phone in their hand)
  • Excessive physical reactions relative to the context (e.g., heart racing and feeling short of breath in response to certain spaces or when they see certain individuals)

Anxiety is the most common disorder in Canada.  2.6% of Canadians aged 15 and older reported symptoms consistent with generalized anxiety disorder, an anxiety disorder characterized by a pattern of frequent, persistent worry and excessive anxiety about several events or activities.

According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada, “the 12 month prevalence for any anxiety disorder is over 12% and one in four Canadians (25%) will have at least one anxiety disorder in their lifetime”.

Seven Major types of Anxiety Disorders:

  • Agoraphobia,
  • generalized anxiety,
  • specific phobia,
  • panic disorder,
  • social anxiety
  • separation anxiety
  • selective Mutism.

(ie. Selective Mutism is a complex childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child's inability to speak and communicate effectively in select social settings, such as school. These children are able to speak and communicate in settings where they are comfortable, secure, and relaxed)

Other Anxiety Disorders:

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders (obsessive-compulsive disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, hoarding disorder, trichotillomania, and excoriation disorder).

Trauma and Stressor-Related Disorders(reactive attachment disorder, dis-inhibited social engagement disorder, PTSD, acute stress disorder, and adjustment disorder).

Sponsored AD:

Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies?

  • Columbus Financial is here to help.  Get the “Financial Freedom” That you deserve! Visit Columbus Financial & Success coach today, for Help on Financial Planning
  • Money Management
  • Debt Management
  • Credit Repair
  • Credit Consulting
  • Financial Life Coaching
  • Success Coaching

. Let one of our financial experts help you “Today”! Get your financial and personal life back in perfect alignment. Visit our website at https://columbusfinancialcoach.com/.

 

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

No Fear, means Living with Courage: How do we define courage?

Aristotle believed courage to be the most important quality in a man or woman. “Courage is the first of human virtues because it makes all others possible,”

How do you build your courage character?

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio
  1. Practice courageous acts.

To build a courageous character, with, no fear, the muscle of courage must be continually strengthened. Aristotle, the ancient philosopher who focused most on courage, said that we develop courage by performing courageous acts. Recent psychological research also suggests that courage is an ethical habit that we develop by repeatedly practicing acts of bravery.

Let me share a personal story with you, that helped me develop courage and have, no fear.

Years ago I was living in the United States as a temporary resident as a Canadian Citizen.  I was married and my husband sponsored me and applied for me to become a permanent resident. Before my application was finalized, My brother was getting married in Toronto, Canada and I just upped and left the country for the weekend to attend my brothers wedding.

When I tried to return to the USA, a few days later, border patrol  asked me for my Advance Parole documents.  I told them I never applied for Advanced Parole.  This is a document that gives you permission to leave the country while you have a pending application.   The border patrol told me that I had voluntarily abandoned my application by leaving the country and that my husband had to apply again.  He also told me I would have to stay in Canada for approximately 2 years while my new application was processed. To date that was one of my darkest days!

Then because he knew that as a Canadian Citizen, I could come back into the country at any time as a visitor, he added that if I tried to sneak back into the country as a visitor and I got caught, I would get a 10 year ban from entering the United states.

I returned back to Canada, and for a week I weighed all my options. I had a husband in the USA, my daughter was in school in the USA, I had a good job in the USA.  I decided I had to take the risk of returning to the USA as a Canadian visitor.

So I strapped on some courage, and made myself have, no fear, rented a car and drove myself over the border alone because I did not want to implicate any of my family members.

I drove up to the border patrol with, no fear, and as calmly and as courageous as a dove, I told him that I was going to Buffalo to pick up my husband from the airport.  He asked me if I had anything to declare, I said no and he  and waved me through!

I would tell you that after that incident, I look fear in the face every time and do it anyway. That is how I started to build my courage muscle having, no fear.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Arifah, do you have a story to share of a time you had to look fear in the eye but do it anyway?

This is a good time to introduce a question I received on my Life coach group on Facebook. I would like for my listeners to join that group.  It is a forum to ask questions regarding your current struggles and get answers from me and the group.

This is a question from Mari: How do I have, no fear, to stop bullying

I really need some advice, I have a lot on my plate right now. I lost the love of my life. In December and since I moved in with my dad and brother I have been picking up after them. Folding their clothes. And they make me out to be their maid. I have paid money to have the house clean and it gets messy by the second day. Now since I’ve moved here my brother has been bullying me. He calls me little girl. Saying I’ll never make it on my own. Saying he feels sorry for me. Calls me a retard. Saying I act like a 12 year old. Says I don’t clean up after myself when I have been picking up after them both. Saying I’m a bitch. Calls me dumb ass. The list goes on but I’m trying to get an apartment and I don’t wish nothing bad on him but If he will ever be homeless I’m not going to put up with this. I thought of suicide but hell no!!! I’m just tired of him bullying me.

Arifah, what advice would you give Mari?

As a Life Coach, here are my steps for having, no fear, and building courage.

Exercise and meditation both have the power to lower stress levels and reduce feelings of depression and anxiety, which could help you to act more courageously in the face of challenges.

This is a meditation practice  I use every day to  build my courage character. It is from the Tibethan Monk Dandipanni

  • Sit quietly and start witnessing your breathe
  • Be aware of the air as it enters your nostrils and follow it all the way down to your belly.
  • Hold your breathe for a few seconds and then breathe out, once again follow your breathe as it exits your nostrils.
  • Do this for 3 breaths
  • Now become aware of your feet on the ground. Focus your attention on your big toe on your left foot. Feel the energy in your left toe as it becomes warm. Now keep your attention on your left foot and feel the energy as it climbs through your feet, ankles, calf, knees, quads, hips. Move this energy into your spine and hold it there.
  • Repeat this with your right foot, left arm and then right arm.
  • Hold the energy that you directed from all your limbs into your spine and now think about a courageous act. I think of the courageous act I just shared with you.  Your energy body is now infused with courage.
  • Now send this energy back to your right arm, left arm, right foot and left foot.

This is how you build your courageous body and have, no fear!

Additional Resources:

https://myhelps.us/principle-4-have-a-positive-mind-set/

https://myhelps.us/who-is-tending-your-mind-garden/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/conquering-fear_n_3909020

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2015/05/22/nothing-to-fear-how-to-find-courage-when-you-need-it-most/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.43ce47fdd4e3

How to Find your Passion Purpose and Freedom as a Mompreneur

Are you a stay at home mom? Why not become a, mompreneur?  Allison Lancaster, lifestyle blogger and, mompreneur, shares how to start and grow your business along with your babies.

Today on the, Transform your Mind, to Transform your Life radio show and podcast. I interview Allison Lancaster. Allison is a mom, wife and six-figure business owner. She started her business in 2016 after giving birth to her first son, who spent 2 weeks in the NICU. She has since grown not only a lifestyle blogger; but has become a trusted online business manager for entrepreneurs who are seeking to find purpose, passion & freedom as a, mompreneur. Allison's passion project is teaching other moms how to become work at home moms so that they can grow their business along with their babies.

Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

Allison How did you go about deciding to be a Mompreneur?

The entire time I was pregnant with my son, I had decided to go back to work. We had a daycare picked out and everything.  But I think going through the NICU experience and  just becoming a new mom, that's a huge life change.  Whether you're an NICU mom or not.  I can remember one day that just sticks out in my mind, my son was about two months old, my maternity leave was dwindling down and I could just remember sitting looking at my baby and just crying.  I didn’t want to leave him to go back to work.

Myrna: So you fell in love and couldn't bear to part with your baby!

I've always had kind of an entrepreneurial spirit.  I had my own business as a wedding planner and always had a side hustle. I have always wanted to have my own business. So when I decided to be a, mompreneur,  I started just researching like a mad person on Google for ideas.  I started out by buying things from Walmart on clearance and then trying to sell them on Amazon, which some people make great business out of;  but I just could not do it.

So I considered what I am good at.  I clarified my strengths. Writing has always been a passion of mine, so I decided I'll just start a, mompreneur, blog.

I really didn't think that it would be any sort of a career.  It was just something I used as an outlet.

How did you build your Business as a, Mompreneur?

The, NICU experience, was really kind of a traumatic birth experience; so I decided to download by writing about it and maybe helping other NICU moms.

The, NICU experience,  is a different kind of experience from a regular birth. I mean you don't get to hold your baby for days, possibly weeks and you're separated from him or her and you have to watch them being fed by tubes. It is both a traumatic and terrifying experience.

Other, NICU moms,  started sharing their experience and it was powerful.. My blog was very quickly picked up and syndicated by a large parenting website.

I joined some blogging groups on Facebook and I found this amazing community of bloggers who were very receptive and helpful.

Then I started promoting my blog on Pinterest, just kind of pinning it just to see what would happen.  My content very quickly gained traction had I had some viral pins.

Then friends started to reach out to me and there they were like, hey you're doing really well on Pinterest.  You're being syndicated in all of these places.  What are you doing and how can you help us?

So that's really kind of where the online business management side of my business was born.

How did you Grow your, Mompreneur, Business along with your Babies?

I took on one client and then they referred me and here we are some 50 or more clients later.

Myrna:  Wow yeah I have a blog ( this one!) and my blog did not take off!  I have never been syndicated and I have yet to figure out what Pinterest does!  So you're doing great. Why do you thing you were so successful so quickly?

It has come full circle.  Initially I would have said it was the marketing pieces of it and the website building and things like that. But late last year I noticed a shift.  People wanted to hear about the nuts and bolts of running a business and that is what I blogged about.

Today I kind of talk about everything, I call it a lifestyle blog. I share a lot of my grandmother's recipes.  I'm a southern girl and we like our food.  I share a lot of parenting kind of tips and advice too. I have 2 kids now.  A 3 year old and a 9 month old.  As they're growing, things that I'm learning and discovering, I share.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to Find your Passion, Purpose and Freedom as a, Mompreneur

Mompreneurs, are women entrepreneurs who just happens to be moms as well. A lot of, mompreneurs, started their  businesses because they wanted the freedom to stay at home with their babies, or the freedom to travel or whatever kind of freedom they are looking for.

I have started very recently a free course for, mompreneurs,  who want to become virtual Assistants.  Mompreneurs, who want to stay home with their babies and don't necessarily want to sell a product or create a product. I want to teach them how they can start a business offering  virtual assistant services.  We all have marketable skills whether that's accounting, bookkeeping or marketing. I kind of coach them through the process.

Most, mompreneurs, don't even remember what their purpose was in starting their business. They just wanted to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I do a lot of business strategizing with clients. I ask them what is your five-year plan for your business?

Why did you start your business, was it to stay at home with your babies or was it to travel?

Then I ask them. Are you seeing those things in your business right now?  If not why?

I teach, mompreneurs, to find their passion and purpose by doing what they love.

I think it's different for every person; but there's just a lot of questions and kind of deep-diving and soul-searching that you have to do.  We have to do it consistently, not just in the beginning or in the middle of your business.  It's a daily thing. Ask yourself,  how does this task fit into my bigger plan and my bigger purpose?

Listen to the full interview by clicking the link below or by downloading and subscribing to your favorite podcast player.

Now on Podbean, CastboxDeezer, Google PlaySpotify, Soundcloud, and Stitcher, iHeart Radio, TuneIn Radio

Additional Resources:

https://myhelps.us/the-quest-for-purpose-six-holistic-ways-finding-purpose/

https://myhelps.us/ask-coach-myrna-how-to-start-over/

12 Surprisingly Simple Ways to Thrive As a Stay-At-Home Mom

Stay at Home Mom Help: 12 Surprisingly Simple Ways to Thrive

What Men Want In A Woman

Andre Paradis, relationship coach, shares insights on, what men want, and how to revert back to nature and polarity to make our relationships work. If you want to know how to have healthy fulfilling long-term relationships, listen to the end. What men want, is a woman who is sweet and lovely and warm and, feminine, and attractive and magnetic. 

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11136662-what-men-want-in-a-woman.mp3?download=true

Bio

Andre Paradis, is a Relationship Coach, NLP Coach, Educator of Effective Communications, Published Writer, Public Speaker, and Ordained Minister. Andre Grew up in Canada, and while on vacation in Los Angeles he was scouted and became a professional dancer. He has danced with legends including Michael Jackson, Prince, Paula Abdul, Julio Eglesias to name a few.

He then attended a workshop called “Understanding Women” in 2006 and started studying with some of the biggest relationship masters (Dr. Pat Allen, Dr. Esther Perel, Dr. John Gray, Shantie Feldhan and Alison Armstrong). He started sharing his knowledge with friends and family. He saw that this knowledge actually helped people lead happier lives with the people they love. He found his purpose in life… The Big Calling deep inside him. He then sold his successful Auto Shop and launched Project Equinox Coaching to help men and women learn to build stronger long lasting and healthy Love relationships. For some clients, He even officiate their weddings.

Sponsored AD 

Are you one of the millions of people who have experienced anxiety, stress, or sleepless nights? Then you could benefit from CBD.

CBD isn’t about what you feel. It’s about what you don’t feel – stress, anxiety, pain.  Feals is a premium CBD that will help you feel your best. It’s hassle-free and delivered directly to your door. ● CBD naturally supports reducing stress, anxiety, pain, and sleeplessness. There’s no hangover or addiction.

I have a subscription to Feals because it works for me.  I have problems sleeping and I would try several sleep aids until they stop working because my body gets accustomed to it.  I also have arthritic pain.  What I love about Feals is that I can take it every night and not only do I fall asleep within 15 mins but my body does not get used to it.  The bonus is that I also feel better with no back pain. Place a few drops of Feels under your tongue and feel the difference within minutes.

Start feeling better with Feals! Become a member today by going to Feals.com/TRANSFORM and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping. 

Feals CBD
Feals CBD

Men are from Mars Women are from Venus 

Myrna: I have a question about a book that I've read and I still have in my library.  You said that you studied under Dr. John Gray who wrote the book. Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. What did you learn from studying with Dr. Gray about women?

Andre: Well, the bulk of his work has changed since the beginning from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Dr Grey now explores men or women differences, like how we respond or act differently. What motivates a woman and what motivates a man and vice versa. The past 10 years though, the bulk of his work became the chemistry of our bodies that creates the behaviors that we do. So how does, estrogen, and, testosterone, affect our physiology.

A man's brain is full of, testosterone, the structure of his brain is similar to a woman, but the main mechanism is different, because it functions on a different fuel.  This creates all kinds of behaviors, reactions, ways of operating and the, Hunter brain. The, Hunter brain, is about, conquering, competing, fighting, pushing, penetrating, you know, control everything that's in, Hunter brain. That's the paradigm of, testosterone, chemistry.

Sponsored AD 

As you gear up for fall, you need the right people on your team to help your small business fire on all cylinders. LinkedIn Jobs is here to make it easier to find the people you want to talk to, faster – and for free

I have personally used Linkedin’s easy apply job links when I was looking for a job.  LinkedIn jobs make it easy to find jobs and apply right on the spot.

  • If you are an employer, you can create a free job post in minutes on LinkedIn Jobs to reach the world’s largest professional network of over 810 million people.

.Also, simple tools, like screening questions, make it easy to focus on candidates with just the right skills and experience so you can quickly prioritize who you’d like to interview and hire. Add your job and the purple #Hiring frame to your LinkedIn profile to spread the word

  • LinkedIn Jobs helps you find the candidates you want to talk to, faster. Did you know every week, nearly 40 million job seekers visit LinkedIn? Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com/ TRANSFORM.
  •  Terms and conditions apply.
LinkedIn professional women's month
LinkedIn Jobs

Women's brains are soaked in Estrogen 

So that's what’s Dr Grey’s work in past 10 years was all about that. The innate differences explained through chemistry. And for the lady is same thing similar brain soaked in, estrogen, creating a whole different machine, a whole different engine, with behaviors, reactions, temperament, blah, blah, blah. In our culture right now, everybody's about equality, so understanding the beginning of equality, the, feminist movement, equal rights equal pay equal opportunity, is important.

With equality a man should be more, feminine, more feminized, more vulnerable, more talkative, more sweet, more sensitive, to be a good man.  A woman should be strong, independent, powerful at all costs, in order for her to be valued and valuable in the world. Well, there's a big huge price to pay for these shifts that are not natural. Everything I teach is Nature and Science and not my opinion. So, if you go back to nature, these things don't work very well.

If you consider now that relationships are the hardest thing for people to attain and sustain, where it should be the easiest because we have equality now, right? Well, no, the reason for this is what I teach. What's happening out there is women are more miserable. The women in our culture for the past 15 years, almost 20 years now actually, are more unhappy than ever in the entire history of mankind.

Myrna: That’s because they can't find a man.

Sponsored Ad 

This episode is brought to you by The Jordan Harbinger Show.

Want a new podcast to look forward to each week? One that’s entertaining, informative, and packed with actionable content? Of course, you do.

The average podcast listener has 6 shows in rotation, so you’re most likely not only listening to The Transform Your Mind podcast — So, I’d love to share a podcast to add to your list:

The Jordan Harbinger Show, a top shelf podcast named best of Apple in 2018..Jordan dives into the minds of fascinating people — from athletes, authors and scientists to mobsters, spies and hostage negotiators. 

I really think there just isn’t a better podcast to listen to casually or seriously to expand your worldview. He’s also got a strangely relatable weekly segment called, “Feedback Friday,” where he covers advice on everything from relationships and networking to asking for a raise. 

You can’t go wrong with adding The Jordan Harbinger Show to your rotation.  It’s incredibly interesting, there’s never a dull show.

Search for The Jordan Harbinger Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts

Jordan Harbinger podcast
Jordan Harbinger podcast

Why women can't find a man 

Andre: And why is that right back to the same thing I'm talking about earlier. I'm so busy because my clients call me because they're realizing they're being sold a lemon that's exactly how they put it. They tell me I am a badass but that gets me absolutely nowhere with a man. Men don't ask me out and if I manage to get a date, he smiles and goes nice to meet you and I never see him again. I can't get past the first date. What is wrong with me? Like what is what's wrong with me? The answer is you're, masculinized, you're too manly for a man.  

Myrna: I have so much circle backs in that don't get too far. When you were talking about the men and the woman, how the man is the hunter personality with the, testosterone, and the woman is supposed to be, feminine, but now women are bad asses and are not, feminine. So, the  question I have, is that why there's a rise in, lesbian and gay relationships?  Is that is the reason that those kind of relationships are blossoming, because at least you've got the same, estrogen, and, testosterone, levels.

Andre: Yeah, well, not the way you think. And I think if I'm reading your mind a little bit here right now, it's not quite that because men have always understood men better than their women. And the same with women, they understand each other better than men.  But throughout history, that's actually the, polarity, that brought men and women together. So, that is not the problem. What is happening, is culture if we are going to peel the onion back.

Sponsored Ad 

The episode is brought to you by Thrive Causemetics, a High-performance beauty and skin-care product line made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. I have been using Thrive Causemetics for some time, some of my favorite products are the brilliant eye brightener, liquid balm lip treatment and liquid lash extension mascara. I have small eyes and I loved how the white brilliant eye brightener made my eyes look larger and brilliant. I hate dry lips, I used to walk around all day putting Vaseline on my lips, now I use the lip treatment, it nourishes my lips with vitamins so they moisturized all day.

The Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara is Thrive Causemetics Best-selling product. It has more than 20,000 five-star reviews. It’s Ultra-lengthening, eye-opening mascara that lasts all day without clumping, smudging, or flaking and mimics the look of lash extensions.

Now is a great time to get Thrive Causemetics for yourself!

Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit Thrivecausemetics.com/TRANSFORM

 For every product purchased, Thrive Causemetics donates to help communities thrive.

Thrive Causemetics liquid lash extensions
Thrive Causemetics liquid lash extensions

Latch Key Kids can't form relationships as adults 

We have, latch key kids, who were not nurtured as kids so they can’t form relationships as adults. When you have children, babies, infants, toddlers, young people, young kids unable to bond with their own parents, they become anxious as far as in the relationship, anxious or avoidant in relationships. They've never been bonded to somebody who loves them, so they feel abandoned.  The anxiety of puberty makes it even worse, and they will become young people who cannot create healthy bonds.

They just can't do it. Now what happens we talk about, gay and lesbian relationships, in the news, that new wave. A young girl needs so much nurturing connection emotionally, the, feminine, for mother, the young women who went without being with her mother will do it later in life with another woman.  For men it’s a little bit different for men they turn into the part of them that's missing.

Sponsored Ad 

Dana Gillies & Tatyana Kirsanova (Best friends and corporate professionals) are the hosts of the Authenticity Atlas Podcast 
This podcast is about helping people navigate their way towards a more joyful and authentic life, to learn how to become a better person and understand yourself and others better.
We are VERY vulnerable – especially considering we are corporate professionals.

Download and listen to the Authenticity Podcast on Apple iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts

Authenticity Atlas podcast
Authenticity Atlas podcast

Why men don't want badass women 

Myrna: Is it true that's, badass women immediately get disqualified because she's gonna throw the fact that she makes more money than him in a man’s  face?  

Andre: You know, I'm sorry, but it's more energetic than that. If you're gonna be a, badass woman, and be a pain in the ass about it, like you push it in my face. That you are better than me. That is not the energy that men are looking for from women.  That's a man on man. I always say ladies when you can be, badass, but if you're gonna throw your balls in my face, we're gonna have a problem. And that's what, badass women, do put their balls in everybody's face. They're so proud which is fine.

You can be proud of what you do, but when you lead with that, you're more, masculine, than, feminine. You're actually arrogant a lot of times, and for sure you're irritating. Absolutely freaking irritating. If you think men like to be irritated by women, this is not why they want to date you. They want to date you because you're sweet and lovely and warm and, feminine, and attractive and magnetic. Not irritating, not pushy, not controlling, not in my face. Not sitting there like go ahead, prove it your way.

Sponsored AD 

LUVO AP
LUVO AP

Welcome to LUVO, the finest app of its kind in your quest for a happier,

healthier and more satisfying life.

 At LUVO, we strongly believe that life is a priceless gem, to be cherished, nourished, and taken care of at all costs.

LUVO offers a special, patent pending and uniquely designed meditative

experience, and contains seven levels of audio and vibrational frequency

to harness your energy and greater control of the mind.

Luvo’s heart rate monitor, step and water tracker, gratitude and mood checks will optimize your health and well-being.

LUVO is more than just an app; it’s a lifestyle and the best thing about Luvo is that it's completely free. Download our app today and start living your best life.

GooglePlay: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.luvo
AppStore: https://apps.apple.com/app/luvo-zest2live/id1617104475

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Men don't want women with bigger balls than them 

So my clients, when they find out that men aren't finding them attractive and don't ask them out, they feel completely invisible.  This is because your, balls, are bigger than his and that's irritating and off putting. You can have, balls, all you want, you need to be, masculine, to create anything to make money, but I say leave them, balls, in your desk drawer. When you get home and in public, you'd have to be a woman to attract men, otherwise they don't see you, you become invisible to men.

Myrna: So, the answer to that question is not all women that are making money and are, badass, just the ones that are throwing their, balls,  in a man's face and leading with, masculinity.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

What men want in a women 

What do men want? You said that one, a man wants a woman that's, feminine.  Let's also touch on equality. Does a man want a woman that's making as much money as him? By the way, when I asked my husband that question, he says, I can become a kept man but not If you're gonna throw it in my face.  

Andre: In my world, you could have a penis and not be a man. I believe there are three types of men:

  1. The real man: They know who they are. They know, what men want. They hold themselves accountable for everything; they have character. They have competence, you can't mess with them. You can't fuck with them. You can't derail them.  They're solid, they're strong. You can count on them all that stuff.
  2. The second type of man  is that guy who’s man enough to have a job, but it's a little job, he's not gonna have a good car, he drives a little shitty car and lives in the basement of his mother's house or he's got three roommates. No girlfriend and is silly. So, these guys are messy enough to do life. Small but okay. Except when it comes to women, they don't want to ask you out. They acquiesce and want to do whatever movie you want to go see. They are not sure, what men want. 
  3. The third kind of man are boys, they are passive and, feminine. They don't want to work. They want you to work. They're so happy that they are not paying for anything. They don't want to work, they're allergic to work.  They're offended when you say, just man up. They look like boys.  They're often very pretty because they are, feminine and want to attract women with their bodies. Their looks are lean and sexy. They absolutely don't know, what men want. 
Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What men want: A feminine woman

We now raise men to be not, masculine, but soft, sensitive, passive, and that’s toxic.  A real man scoops women up and say hey, I'm taking you out to dinner, seven o'clock and wear some good shoes, because we are going salsa dancing afterwards.  But we shame them out of this. We say that's pushy.

What men want, is a, feminine woman. A, feminine woman, want a, masculine man. They don't want boys. Men that are boys are so smooth, they’ll tell you everything you want to hear in three days after meeting them! Oh, I think I found the one of my life, you are the one. So, he says all the right things for the first five or six weeks you finally think oh my God he is my soul mate.

He listens to me. He's curious about me I have someone to talk to.  Next, you know, he's like moving to your house, borrowing your car because he can't afford to fix his piece of shit. You're walking his dog because he won't do it. You're lending him money that he promised to pay back, but he never does. You're working two jobs while he's sitting on the couch smoking a joint and spooning the dog.  

Myrna: You're talking such truth! How do you get out of that relationship? Kick them to the curb?

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

What men want, not a masculine woman 

Andre: The terrible thing about this whole situation is when you, masculinize, women, this is the type of men they attract. They attract boys. I teach nature, it's all about, polarity. Opposites attract. We know this about everything. Right? Two magnets, positive and negative, try to push two positive magnets together, right? It doesn’t work. The, masculine man, is strong, independent, powerful, conquering, controlling, pushy, fighting, all that stuff and he attracts the, feminine woman, who is more passive. Because she's smaller and weaker, more passive and she needs a big strong guy.

 It's the same all over nature. Like everything. There's a, polarity, there's two different pieces of a puzzle. that come together to complete a good dynamic. When a woman is more, masculine, and she's stuck there because of her up bringing or her culture. Her mother telling her you don't need that man. You can’t depend on men, so make sure you're independent and strong and get your own.  So, when you raise, masculine women, that's what you attract, boys.

Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

The Badass woman: can she become feminine and get a man 

All my clients that are strong, independent, powerful and they're, badass women, and they're so proud of it, are in relationships with boys, one after the other.  So, if you want a, masculine man, to provide, and protect, you have to be the opposite, feminine, to the core. I help my clients, we do actually get them from being too, masculine, after having neglected their, femininity, typically started in childhood. It's always something that started in childhood. And we're just going to calibrated them here.

Myrna: What do you tell them to do? How do you help them become more, feminine?

Andre: So how does a woman to be more, feminine?

Andre: That is simple and it's individual for all and there's plenty layers in this and the more you do it the more you get practice. The, masculine, is to be in your head and, feminine, is to be in your heart and your body. Masculine women, are stuck in their head and everything warm, radiant, lovely about them is out the window. Masculine men, live in their head we're not in our hearts naturally. Right? We have to be logical and conquerors and fighters, we can't think about how we feel.

Doesn't matter how you feel. It needs to be done. How many times have you heard me say that? We care how you feel. It has to be done. Right?

Feminine, it’s about how you feel. Anything that makes you feel good, right?  If you feel sexy, you're sexy.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

What men want: to prove that he is the best suitor  

Myrna: Does, sex, too early in a relationship prevents building a healthy long term love relationship? Women my age were always told by their grandparents don't give it away.

Why would a guy pay for the cow when he already got milk?

Andre: That's another long answer, but I'm gonna try to keep it short.  But again, its nature. In a nutshell, a woman's body and, sexuality, is her currency. Back in the days, men went towards building character, building their businesses, building their finances, so that they were adequate to call on women. They would compete against each other to be the top suitor for the best women. The guy who's got more resources has more choices. But older men became more attractive on some level, because they have more power, they have more resources, they have more assets.

Men had to build themselves up to be competitive enough to be the chosen one by a good woman.  A, feminine woman, would let herself be wooed by him, but they would not cross the line into, sexuality, until he was committed. Because, sex, that's her currency. Right? You want a good woman? You gotta be good, man. When you throw that out the window, now a man doesn’t have to work for it. This is part of what's happening in our culture. Again, not my opinion, just facts. When women give away their bodies for dinner this is what happens.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

What men want: A woman they can trust 

You meet a guy, you date him once, twice, three times. He like, let's roll. The women think that starts intimacy. The reality is for men, that killed it. Why does early, sex,  kill a long term relationship? Because in nature, he has to prove himself that he is good guy, that he's got character, he's got to impress her.  

And now he gets picked with almost no effort. He buys dinner three times and women put out. He's thinking I can't trust this woman. Now again, this is not a thought process is the limbic brain, the lizard brain saying, I can't trust this chick because she'll sleep with anybody. I didn't have to do anything to get her to sleep with me.

Women sleep with men because they feel it will make them his girlfriend but no amount of, sex, ever convince a man to commit to a woman. That's not it. It's the opposite.

Myrna: Let me let me interrupt that one because I've heard that men don't trust a woman if she sleeps with him on the first date. I think that they're almost expecting to sleep with you after three dates or three weeks.

Andre: You could change the rules, but it's still not working.  That's never going to work. It's never worked. And it's the worst when nobody's getting married.

Conclusion

Connect with Andre on the web:

My storyhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33PM5ehssWM

Website:www.projectequinox.net
FB Page: Project Equinox with Andre Paradis  
https://www.facebook.com/Project-Equinox-272490668761/

FB Private Group for Ladies – Freehttps://www.facebook.com/search/top?q=dating%20and%20relationship%20insights

YouTube: Project Equinox with Andre Paradishttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCc-n26dzlCN0dcAXgubSjGQ

Additional Resources 

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine

Life Lessons From An Abandoned Girl

Jannette Blair, author of “The Tears Behind my Smile” shares, life lessons, she learned  from her long-life journey of an, abandoned,  girl and then an, abused woman, who faced challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11015207-life-lessons-from-an-abandoned-girl.mp3?download=true

Life lessons from abandonment

The book, The Tears Behind my Smile is a long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl who faces challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers. It is not an autobiography with an ordinary beginning and a predictable ending; instead, the book depicts a series of emotions occurring in the author's life and how she alters herself from a self-pitying girl into a strong, resilient woman. It will enlighten the readers on not to depend on anyone and become the superhero in their own story. Jannette shares the, life lessons, she learned along the way

Myrna: Janette, please give us some context of your, life story,  and the, life lessons, you learned along the way of the, abandoned, girl becoming a superhero. Fill us in on the, story of your life. .

Jannette: I was born in Jamaica, and just a little it's a small community in one of the smaller parishes. And while growing up, I didn't know a mother. I was always wondering, who is my mother? Where's my mother and why have I not seen one? And so, it was it was a hard life. I went through where I had tons of step mothers, who was not really mothering material at all.

While growing up I was the, abandoned, girl. I was not allowed a certain person's house because this man had a beef going with my father; they had a fight and he decided, okay, this child can never step foot into my house and this child will never eat food from my house. And so, there was a time when my sisters would hide food around the house to feed me and I'm talking when I was a baby. I would stay outside the gate, just looking at all the others children playing, but I couldn't play with them.

Sponsored Ad

One of the best things you can do to improve your health is get at least 7 hours of quality sleep every night.

I know, it’s hard to get that much sleep. But listen, it’s super important. Because your body heals itself when you sleep.

And if you’re not getting enough quality sleep, you’re increasing your risk of disease and make it harder to lose weight!

Would you like to know an easy way to get more quality sleep every night? Make sure you’re getting enough MAGNESIUM.

Believe it or not, around 75% of people don’t have enough of it. Which helps explain why so many people have sleep problems.

Unfortunately, most magnesium supplements are not full spectrum. So, they won’t fix your magnesium deficiency or help you sleep better.

There are actually 7 unique forms of magnesium, and you must get ALL of them if you want to experience its calming, sleep-enhancing effects. That’s why I recommend Magnesium Breakthrough by Bi-Optimizers.

Simply take two capsules before you go to bed and you’ll be amazed by how much better you sleep.

For an exclusive offer for my listeners go to magbreakthrough.com/transformyourmind to save up to 42 percent.

Bioptimizers magnesium breakthrough
Bioptimizers magnesium breakthrough

I felt like nobody's kid abandoned by my mother

I was like I was nobody’s kid. The, abandoned, kid that nobody wanted. I remember one day getting a small cup of tea and a piece of bread. And I looked around and this man was coming. And he said if you put that bread to your mouth, I am going to slap you.  I was so afraid so I just stood there shaking. He came over he took the cup and bread from me and poured the tea on the ground.  Now I am fighting fears, I can’t even cry because I would get a whipping. one of my, life lessons, was not to cry when you are hurt.

After that my father brought in a woman to help look after me. And she was even worse. She hated me.  I remember one night this lady that was supposed to be taking care of me lit my favorite dress on fire out of spite.

Myrna: That is an amazing story of cruelty to a child. I'm understanding is that your dad was looking after you and you didn't have a mom and we know that women or men or whoever is the step child is you have the Cinderella story where they don't want to treat the other person's child well.  It’s a common occurrence in the Caribbean.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

That behavior is not that prevalent in North America because you always hear about these blended families. The father has four kids and he married a woman with four kids and they live like the Brady Bunch. So, I understand the women treating you badly. But I don't understand this guy that was so cruel to you that didn't want you to eat at this house.  Who was that person? Do you remember who that was? What was the, life lessons, you learnt from this event?

Sponsored Ad

Dana Gillies & Tatyana Kirsanova (Best friends and corporate professionals) are the hosts of the Authenticity Atlas Podcast 
This podcast is about helping people navigate their way towards a more joyful and authentic life, to learn how to become a better person and understand yourself and others better.
We are VERY vulnerable – especially considering we are corporate professionals.

Download and listen to the Authenticity Atlas Podcast on Apple iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.

Authenticity Atlas podcast
Authenticity Atlas podcast

Life Lessons from growing up without a mom

Jannette: Yes, until this very day, I still don't go close to him and he's still alive. That guy was the stepfather of my sibling. And so, what had happened? So, I became the fat that he used to fry my father. And he transferred the grudge against my dad on me.

Myrna: I hope he's suffering today because you know all that bad karma. Why would you hate a small child?  That is that is a despicable thing to do. I don’t even understand the woman who was supposed to be your mother and set your dress on fire, because she wanted to hurt you. Wow. Now I'm very interested to hear how you transitioned from this cruelty into adulthood. Did you ever find your mom?

Jannette: Yeah, she didn't want me. So, it's not like I didn't have a mother. She didn't want me, she, abandoned, me. She was mad at my dad for not marrying her. And so, when her mom heard that my dad refused to marry her, her mom came and took her and my other siblings, they left me.  I was the fourth child but at that time she had five children. So, she took the others and left me.

After going through so many different step mothers, I finally found one who was good to me and she was murdered in front of me when I was 15.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

Sponsored Ad

Let’s talk about Sludge, It what happens after you drive your vehicle for a while. It's a buildup of motor oil that gels then collects dirt, metals and unburned fuel. Sludge prevents oil from getting to the critical engine parts it’s designed to protect. You’ll notice your vehicle running rough, stalling, even vibrating. That’s because friction is damaging your engine. JillCat Proline ™ is the solution. The science was engineered for aerospace, tested in professional racing and used by our military. Now you can use this well-kept secret to protect your engine from future build up, extend the life of the vehicle and save on repair costs order at www.JilcatProline.com

Jilcat-proline-product-display-home
Jilcat-proline-product-display-home

I witnessed my step mom being murdered

Myrna: Oh, my goodness, your story keeps getting worse. What happened?

Jannette: They came knocking on the door one evening and I told her not to open the door because we had a blackout that evening and there was no light. So, she didn't open the door. But they used someone who she knew to come and knock on the door saying hey, I need your help. But something within me was saying something's wrong. They fired one shot through the window and the bullet hit her in her mouth and she was died at my feet.

Myrna: Wow, what was the reason?

Jannette: She had a witnessed a robbery and so she could have identified them, so they killed her.

Myrna: Wow. All right, yes this is Jamaica for you. How did these, life lessons, help you to transition to becoming a superhero in your life?

Jannette: When I was born, I think I lived a rough life, I also think life was hard throughout my entire life.  But I was able to put the pieces together and laugh about stuff. And when I was told by my mother that I would not become anything, I said no I can't believe that person.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

My mother told me I would never amount to anything

I asked my mother to help me with school and she said, you will not become anything, so I will not spend my money on you. So, I had to pick myself up and ask one of her sisters if I could move in with her. She said, yes. She took me with her to her job while she was working, and I was the one doing most of the work, but I didn't care. Because I saw a shining light. I see your brighter days ahead. Plus, I'm no longer in this house with my mother.  Yes, another of, life lessons, was that you had to work if you wanted to be successful in life. I have to work; but it was a better aim for me to get to what I want to become. I came to America in the year 2000.

Myrna: Was life better for you in America?

Jannette: Yeah, it was better, I was working. I met a guy and at first, I thought, oh, I'm not going to get into a relationship. By this time, I'd had a daughter.  I dated this guy for almost two years. I was traveling, I went to Indiana. I spent a year and four months there. I went back to Jamaica. And then I came back and I went to Mississippi and I spend maybe six weeks in Mississippi. It was not for me

Mississippi Biloxi, I experienced people walking around with signs that says no blacks allowed.

Myrna: Right? Okay. Yes, down south. So, what happened to this guy?

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Abandoned girls become abused women

Jannette: Okay, he sent me a ticket to come to Las Vegas and I visit Las Vegas. I decided to stay and got a job within the first week. But then as my luck would have it, my work permit expired so I couldn’t work.
So, now I can no longer work.  And he did a 360 switch. I can't work and I don't have any money coming in. I needed to get married, I need papers, blah, blah, blah. You knew that I couldn't stay in the country without proper papers.

So, he said, okay, let's do this. I really don't want to lose you. So, let's just get married and get your Green Card, but that was not true. Because we got married, I think it was October 28 2001 and by Thanksgiving one month later, I was beaten and kicked out of the apartment that I paid for. I was taken to the hospital and then I ended up in a shelter for domestic violence. The, life lesson, here is than men want you to be dependent on them.

Myrna: My goodness. All right. I can't wait to hear the end of this story. You're still in America. So, what happened?

Jannette: So, there was a restraining order filed against him. Of course, I don't have my, Green Card, and my husband started calling me because he wanted me to drop the charges. He's promising me everything that he never did before. I tried to drop the domestic abuse case, but after the OJay Simpson case, they didn't allow me to drop the case. So, the domestic violence case went to court and my husband had to go to anger management class for a few months and he was mad about that. So now he's not hitting me anymore. But the abuse turned to verbal and emotional abuse.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Deciding to stay married with abuse

Myrna: So, you guys got back together. You're still married?

Jannette: Right. Because I needed this paperwork, my, Green Card. So, when the, abuse, wasn't physical anymore, it became mental. And so, I have to talk myself through days and nights. I had a childhood friend; I would call her every day, every night. There wasn't a day that I didn't cry, a night that I didn't cry. My husband was just ruthless.

But fast forward to everything else, I was able to get my, Green Card. I stuck it out. I became silent to everything that was going on. It didn't have a say in much of what was going on. I learned to drive because I couldn't drive and I had to pay to learn to drive, he refused to teach me. One day after I learnt to drive, I was taking the bus to work so I asked if I could drive one of his cars. He had 2 cars, and he wanted to charge me to use his car.

Myrna: Wow. I can see why your book is called Tears Behind My Smile! So, yeah, that is an amazing story. What made you decide to write the book?  You've gone through these horrible things, you were born into that situation with your mom and dad, then you went into, abusive relationships, but you know something in life that's basically how it happens. You know what I mean? When you are not nurtured as a child, for some reason we also get into these, abusive relationships, as an adult.

Book Tears Behind My Smile
Book: Tears Behind My Smile

Writing the book Tears behind my smile

Your husband was obviously a, narcissist. And you attracted him, narcissists, are attracted to people that they think they can abuse.  He chose you.

Jannette: One of the reasons I wanted to write the book, I know that I am not alone in this. I am not the only person going through what I was going through. And for me if I can help someone to say, don't take your life, because sometimes people kill themselves because they were going through certain abuse and they don’t know where to turn. And I said, if I can help somebody to let them know, hey, you’re not alone, you're stronger than you think you really are. Now, so get up, pick yourself up.

Myrna: So, in the book do you give women some advice of what you did in order to in order to stick with this horrible situation? Because the marriage has a purpose?

Jannette: Yes, and I tell them to turn to God. With all that was going you have to hang on to Jesus. Because most of the time, you have no one else. Believe in God and yes, he will help get you through.

Additional Resources

How to Heal the Mother Wound From Your Childhood

 

Keep Your Vision in Front of You

Keep Your, Vision,  in Front of you – Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.

In OUT OF THE SNARES, MYRNA BERNADETTE TROTMAN shares her story of child abuse, poverty and her success as an entrepreneur. As a certified, Life Coach, she shares ten undeniable resources she used to help her achieve success and live the American Dream. This inspirational and motivational book will help you to reach your potential and achieve new levels of success in your life. Get these ten principles based on biblical principles and Universal Laws, deep down in your spirit and boldly go in the direction of your destiny:

Principle # 1. Keep Your Vision in Front of you

Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.

Like a Blacksmith, you need to keep hitting the Anvil, pounding it daily, shaping your dreams

If you build it they will come

Don't let life's challenges knock you off course remember:

“Circumstances does not make the man, it reveals him to himself” ~ James Allen

Man is the Lord and Master of his thoughts and thus is the maker of himself.

In my book “Out of the Snares” I tell a compelling story of my, vision, of America as my promised land. My Land of milk and honey. I kept that, vision, in front of me and kept picking myself up after each failure believing that I would succeed, and I did.

http://myhelps.us/out-of-the-snares/

A few weeks ago I was talking to a young leader, trying to upgrade his, vision casting, skills. I gave him four simple tips about communicating, vision.

1. CLARITY. Leaders, must create clarity by narrowing the focus when casting, vision. Everything that can be done in the name of God is not sign at all. It is a sign of undisciplined thinking. The leader’s job is to focus the organization on the core essentials. The more we focus on and clarify essentials, the easier it is to identify and eliminate non-essentials.

2. COMPELLING. Once your goals are clarified, it must be communicated in a way that is compelling. A, leader, who makes an unprepared sloppy presentation can make an otherwise exciting goals seem boring. Compelling, goals, produces action. Boring goals produces nothing.

3. COMMITMENT. Casting a clear and compelling, vision, without calling for commitment is a waste of everyone’s time. Real, leaders, are committed and they call others to commitment. Some leaders are hesitant to demand sacrificial commitment because they are not all-in themselves. Commitment is an example that leaders set, not a message they teach. Leadership commitment is contagious. So is leadership non-commitment.

4. COMMUNITY. Clear and compelling goals attracts committed people. As these people sacrifice for the common, community happens. Trying to create community for the sake of community creates unhealthy ingrown short-lived community. Doing goals together creates strong healthy long-term community.

SUMMARY. As a leader, you are the visionary for your church, ministry, or organization. If you communicate clear and compelling, if you model and call for commitment, you will end up with a strong healthy community. You will also accomplish your dreams.

Additional Resources:

https://myhelps.us/vision-fails-5-things-can-failure/

https://myhelps.us/ten-characteristics-of-an-entrepreneur-leader/

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/resumes-cover-letters/leadership-skills

 

How to Have It All

You can, have it all. Is it possible to have a passionate marriage, a thriving career, a healthy beautiful body, more money that you ever dreamed of, and enough downtime to enjoy it without running yourself ragged.

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-Transform-your-Mind-29542107/

TuneIn Radio

Bio

Christy Whitman. is a Transformational Leader, Celebrity Coach and the New York Times Bestselling Author of “The Art of, Having It All” she has appeared on The Today Show and the Morning Show and her work has been featured in, People's Magazine, Seventeen, Women's Day, Hollywood Life, and Teen Vogue, among others Christy is also the CEO and founder of the, Quantum Success Learning Academy and Quantum Success Coaching Academy, a 12-month Law of Attraction program.

Christy has helped thousands of people worldwide to achieve their goals through her empowerment seminars, speeches and coaching sessions and products. Christy's life changing message reaches over 200,000 people per month and her work has been promoted by and featured with esteemed authors and luminaries such as Marianne Williamson, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Marci Shimoff, Brian Tracy, Neale Donald Walsch, Abraham-Hicks, and Louise Hay. She currently lives in Arizona with her husband, Frederic, and their two boys, Alexander and Maxim. You can meet her on the web at www.QuantumSuccessBook.com,

I read your bio and I'm thinking wow this woman is where I want to be. So we're going to start out by just asking you a kind of a background question you've accomplished quite a lot. Can you tell us your journey to this point in your career in life.

Searching for purpose

Well, I basically did everything that my parents told me, you know, Go get a degree, get a good job, put money in the Bank, have a nice fit body, find a guy! I had all that, and still I was just really really empty. I wasn't really happy. I was missing an essential part of myself. So I started going on a search for meaning.

I had this you know like when you're really thirsty for water that's how I felt spiritually. I felt like I just didn't know that there's wasn’t any real purpose or meaning in what I was doing. It seemed like the more money I made, it didn’t make me any happier. I went on this quest and really learned about meditation and learned about how our thoughts create our reality and learned about energy and how we are either attracting things to us or repelling things from us.

All these different philosophies started changing me, and I started changing my thoughts one by one and started shifting my energy and things literally just started shifting before my eyes. When I was searching at one point I was thirty pounds overweight, $60,000 in debt, I had just broken up with the latest bad guy, and I moved to California and I didn’t know anybody.

I Had quit my job also so I I had nothing going on in my life, when I found this information and it was amazing because within just a very few short weeks I got a great job, I was transferred to a different part of California, I found a really wonderful man, and I was in an eight-year relationship with, my body naturally went back to normal size.

Using the Law of attraction to have it all

Things were just flowing and easy, and what I was learning about was the universal laws that I now teach. I’ve shared my experiences of how I’ve created a great career, maintained my weight, and attracted an ideal partner. I've been coaching on, Law of Attraction, and, Universal Laws. Besides the, Law of Attraction, I just share my experiences and I share what I do, and what I learned and what I know not to do, and I just created an amazing business.

I'm serving people, and seeing people transform, and I feel passionate about it. Each and every day, back when I when I was in that space, I was making money, I was a pharmaceutical rep, but I didn't feel like I was on purpose. I didn't feel like what I was doing really had much meaning and so I started to really connect with the feeling of what would it feel like that if I did something and I was on purpose?

I didn't know what purpose looked like, but I started just allowing myself to feel that the essence of the purpose, of what it would just feel like. Even if I didn't know the how or the form or anything and then what happened with amazing. I had a book downloaded through me and that became my first book “Perfect Pictures.” I got it published and my family and friends all bought the book and it wasn't like they were the ones to read self-help books.

I started speaking at Spiritual Book Stores and Churches and while I was doing that, doing workshops on my book, I would take people through meditations and they started asking me to coach them. I had no idea back then, and we were talking you know 16 years ago, 17 years ago. I had no idea what Life Coaching was and most people didn't. I decided to just have people call me on the phone and started really appreciating their transformation. I'm grateful that my stuff it's universal and it helps every single person, no matter what circumstance or situation there going through. We can change all of it by knowing and applying these laws.

Tips for having it all

That's an awesome story I Absolutely love it. Dr Wayne Dyer says that that's how he's written all this books. He wakes up at 3.15 am in the morning and it's just downloaded. I just completed a series with the author of the Millennial’s Playbook to Adulting, Millennials do just that.

Whether it's their parents or a guidance counselor or somebody they find a job, they find the guy, and then they get married or something but it doesn't light them up it doesn't light them up because they’re going about it based on the jobs that's available or income or something along those lines.  It's a great thing to teach because whenever you are on purpose and whenever something lights you up and whenever you follow the, Laws of the Universe, which most people don't know what they are, you find happiness.

Most people don't understand the, Laws of Attraction, and how thoughts work. That's the only way that you can design your life. I'm glad that we're going to be diving into that subject in our next episode; but today we want to talk about your book “The Art of, Having it All,” I'm jumping ahead of myself. Before we get in to that. I want to bring attention to the word you used to introduce your coaching program “Quantum Success.

I love the word that you use to introduce your coaching program. I follow Deepak Chopra. He was my first mentor and when I wrote my first book which was called “Becoming Conscious, my Awakening” I talked about the Quantum and synchro destiny; but you're calling it, Quantum Success; so my follow-up question is “what do you feel is the blueprint to your coaching program and what is your definition of quantum success and, having it all, ?”

Using Quantum energy to have it all

I want to say I'm not a superwoman, I'm just an ordinary woman that has learned about universal laws and, having it all. Every single person listening have the power to create your life the way you want it. Quantum success, for me it was really about, I lived the first part of my life not, having it all, so far pushing, striving, setting goals, it was really when I found the knowledge, and the information on energy and that I understood, the energy that you hold while you're moving towards something is even more important than the inert action of the goal.

We're both physical and non-physical beings. If you're not doing that from a place of alignment then any momentum that you take is a waste of energy, it's a waste of time. You know a lot of times people are moving they're doing stuff and they're taking tons of action and it's eventually going to give them the success that they want; but they're going to hit a wall because if their thought process is different or their emotions on how they feel about themselves or even the way they think about themselves, the way they reflect on themselves, the way they judge and solve problems.

All of that stuff holds us back from really being able to allow the alignment and the flow of the, Quantum field, or what some call God, what some call Goddess. That consciousness that create whatever you want. When you start to bring in deliberately, having it all, the kind of energy that you want to experience, whether its success, or love, or abundance, or prosperity, or security.

Success is having it all

As long as you're doing it consistently, because everything is vibration. So when you do the action and take the action towards what you want to manifest and align your thoughts your emotions your perspective with succeeding, in that space of success. You imagine what would success look like? What does, having it all, look like? What would successful feel like?

If you had the career that you really wanted, that was firing on all cylinders what would that look like for you? I wrote in my last book “The Art of, Having It All,” It’s really about what does having it all look like to you. Is, Having it All, someone else’s definition? It's what lights you up that moves you forward. It's a life force that’s pulsating through you, that wants to become something more. It's up to us as, that non-physical part of that energy.

Cooperate with it instead of trying to cut it off and that's what most people do. Complaining and judging other people or they play like a victim. All those things are literally slicing up and siphoning off your life force energy, and it won't move you towards the desires that you want. We need to ask ourselves. How do I want to feel?

Then start to as much as you can, as often as you can, get in that feeling place. I mean the good thing is about the, Quantum field,  is that this is a holographic universe and so any emotion that has ever been felt can be easily felt by you. Circumstances and situations don't have to happen. We have the capacity as human beings to visualize and to feel our way into things, and to change a thought and you know these are all things that we can do because the thoughts that we have are not real, so we have to direct our thoughts towards what we want and why we want it, to, having it all, and how we want to feel.

Your vortex holds your un-manifested desires

That is awesome, we are so in sync on the things. My next question we're going to be talking a little bit about Abraham Hicks; she talks about the, vortex, when I do my meditation that's what I say. Everything in my vortex will be eventually be available to me, if not immediately but eventually. It’s all about vibration. I was listening to podcast last week and the guest was saying we have Three superpowers, and one of the superpowers was imagination. He reminded me that anything we can imagine, we can create. Whether you're imagining what you want or what you're imagining what you don't want it's real and it's going to manifest.

A lot of people think our, vortex, is outside of ourselves; but the, vortex, is within us. The, vortex, is inside us, so it's not something we have to wait for. It's like we just have to get into alignment with it because it's already there. It's the Creator that pulses pulsates through us. I'm going to get into a discussion of energy for a second. Most people think I'm going to manifest something or, Law of Attraction; but thoughts always create some kind of emotional reaction.

It's really the emotions, so we're viewing something we see something like a tree we look at the tree and we just kind of have the stimulus, we perceive it without eyes and we enjoy it. So energy is flowing in and it's flowing out, it's just kind of like a stimulus we see the ocean it comes in and it comes out. Well when someone says something rude to us or says something hurtful, or maybe you get in car accident, or you lose a loved one, or your bill comes and you can't pay it or whatever it is.

Those moments in life cause us to constrict our energy and we create blocks around it. Those blocks also create a vortex of energy because energy has to continue to move, it goes out, or it goes up, because that is constantly moving, it's never ending. So if energy come through and instead of feeling an emotion, like how that person hurt us or that person was rude or that person made us angry, we constrict the energy.

That creates a block and then that creates a vortex, that vortex is active, it's alive. That's the, vortex, that creates a thought and then the thoughts create a belief. It then creates some kind of physical manifestation of it and then we go, see it's true. You say No matter what I do, I can't seem to get ahead. Men are always cheating on me. We have to be careful and aware of where we're getting energetically charged and start to release those blocks, so that we can get back in that free flow again of feeling the love and the alignment.

The Art of having it all

I do the work, I want to be, having it all, I don't only coach; but I do a lot of mind work because I'm aware at that everything starts in the mind, which is why I call this podcast “The Transform your Mind” because everything starts there. But I loved about the, quantum field, as it relates to success. I actually never thought about it that way until you mentioned it; but you said if you want to move towards something because that's the, quantum field, that's energy that's moving and you have to be an alignment to that goal.

If you I want to red Mercedes but then immediately you say well I can never afford it, that's what you’re talking about, as far as you're not moving in alignment. I Actually absolutely love putting it all together. If you want success you've got to hold what you want in front of you so that you can be strategically moving towards it and also be aware of the energy that you're talking about. If you've got stuck energy, you've got blocked energy or you you're feeling bad then you're actually blocking your flow.

So, the next question I Want to ask you is about the luminaries and thought leaders that you mentioned in your bio. I love them all I didn't know much about Marianne Wilkinson, but I love Dr Wayne Dyer, I'm listening to two of his audio books right now. One is on Balance which is almost the same thing we're talking about today.

I have a Neale Donald Walsch book in my library “Conversations with God” It was one of the best books I have read. I studied that book. And Abraham Hicks, love her. There's was a point in time that I meditated with her every morning. I Picked those three because those are the ones that I know. So what are some of the lessons that you've learned from these luminaries as it you know as it relates to our topic today? Having it all, and, Quantum Success?

I heard of Wayne Dyer probably about 20 years ago. My therapist at the time she was a spiritual psychotherapists, she brought in the spiritual approach, she would hand me CDs, actually back then it was cassette tapes of Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson, and so they were my first two early teachers.

There are only 2 emotions love and fear

I really liked the perspective that Marianne talks about because she would talk about the Course In Miracles and how there's really only two emotions, either love or fear; so that really helped me start to connect with the energy and paying attention between, high vibration, or, low vibration, and then of course Wayne Dyer was huge for me in the whole getting in the perspective of my thoughts.

During that time that's when I was learning that your thoughts create your reality and so I was learning that not all thoughts are real and that we have places where as normal human beings we typically automatically think in these ways and for me it was like wow okay, so I'm normal right and yet I have to change these if I want to continue to change my life.

His work has always just been really touched my soul and in the time that I've been able to meet him and you know it just he really is one of those people that really was because he's passed on, but he really walks his talk. He truly was a lightworker and I could feel that it around him and it was there was an authenticity that and of what he taught and how he lived so that's what I learned about and appreciate him.

He was a very humble man and he never felt better than other people and he really had taught me a lot about ego and in keeping the ego in check and in that sort of thing. The Power of Intention, I mean that's an incredible book. I've been following Abraham Hicks Probably around the equal amount of time around 20 years and I was given a cassette from a little group that I was in in Redding California and I listened to them and you know listening test or channel Abraham and it was like whoa this is really strange and weird and yet I felt good listening to it, not only the words this used but the vibration that I felt.

As a pharmaceutical rep I had a big area in California, I would drive around with a cassette recorder on my passenger seat with all these different cassettes. I was really a tuning into a different perspective, I always write whether you know you buy someone's book and you read the book while you're just going to bed at night or you're driving around the car and you listen to a podcast that bless you or you know some kind of media where you're getting a different perspective than what most people think and how most people think because that's going to help you change your perspective. If you're inundated with the news and you know things like that and around a lot of people that are negative it's very hard to get out of that space unless you do something deliberately.

Saying yes to having it all

We're going to get in it to our topic today which is, “Having it All”, or “The, Art of, Having It All” so let me give you a little bit about you know the more a little tidbit that I picked up from you know reading the synopsis of the book. Christy in your book you ask “ ?” You ask the question like a lawyer asks the question a rhetorical question that we know the answer and your answer was a resounding “YES”

Absolutely exactly right. In the, Art of Having it all, you shared precise steps you took to create radical turn arounds in the midst of potentially devastating real-life situations. Freeing yourself of nearly $90,000 of unwanted debt, 30 extra pounds, navigating the turbulent waters of divorce, and this last two are really hard for most people, the grief of your sister's suicide, and the life-threatening illness of your newborn son.

As I read that I get goose bumps on it because you know that's a lot of stuff to have to deal with and I know we've touched on the energy and most of this beforehand as we talked in your bio, and some of the questions to answered already; but can you tag on to anything that you haven't talked about. What advice you'd give out listeners who are going through, as we call it the wilderness of the storm, in their lives right now.

Absolutely all of those things that you mentioned all of them, I got through and grew from them and had them turn out even better than I could have even imagined, because of the fact that I knew about the Universal Laws and that I knew about lack and energy and Lack in abundance and, I knew about emotions and all that. I knew that I needed to focus on my perspective on, having it all, my sons, my marriage, so just even in the case of my son Maxim, when he was 2 months of age he was rushed to the hospital and he had to have open-heart surgery as a tiny little baby.

Crazy, the miracles that were around that are just like the story is incredible. Typically babies that have a transposition of the arteries are usually found in the mother's womb, they see it in the ultrasound and then they do a heart surgery on them, probably one to two days of life, two days of the latest. If they don't catch it, it's usually within you know the first week and if it's not caught within the first week babies usually die in the crib if it's not detected. Wow!

Yeah, he was two months of age and the only thing that kept him alive is he had a little hole between both of his arteries and the valve that closes when a baby typically has their first few breaths, his didn't close so he was barely breathing which we didn't realize; but he if they did ever did this type of surgery on the baby this old so it was just the fact that he was just there and he was wanting to be there.

It's like, I knew that he was going to be fine and so I went I Told my husband I'm like okay listen we can't have anybody else's negative energy we can't have fear we can't have any of this around the situation. The only visual I'm going to hold taking Maxim home with his brother Alex, And the three of you wrestling and growing up and taking vacations and taking them to Disneyland and taking him camping and you know just like all these visions absolutely.

All these different watching and play baseball and so that was the only vision. Our family was freaking out and scared, of course we had to process our own emotions because it was an emotional roller coaster; whenever we were around him we didn't let in any fear energy. We would clear ourselves before we would walk in the hospital to see him and very selective of who we let around him and stuff and we did that because it's like we just wanted to keep in the positive space we wanted to keep in that energy flow of all good things and any possibility of negativity or fear or any lower-level emotions we wanted to keep it out of the creation; because it was it was imperative.

I'm happy to say that he's now seven-year-old boy, he's been cleared for years. He's got a perfect heart. I mean the surgery that they did was two months is like growing with him it's amazing yeah just the coolest kid and you know and just very grateful I mean just amazing and you know so it's that alone you know we would sit there and deliberately write down like okay what are the positive aspects about the situation nothing will go my God your child almost died is in the hospital ICU.

How could you even look for a positive in that situation? Well for me, we had to because we had to keep our vibration high, so I would write out, how I'm grateful how I was at the best Children's Hospital in all of North America, I was grateful that we were close to home and that we had family to take care of our son Alex during the day so we could be with Maxim. Grateful that all the nurses loved him and just all the positive aspects nothing but.

It's a universal law if you're in lack and limitation you cannot create abundance from that place and so you have to get into it's the law of sufficiency and abundance, you have to get into the place of being at peace, feeling that it's sufficient, it's good enough. You don't have to be over the moon excited about it, but at least coming from that place of appreciation and gratitude looking for what's right and good and stuff what's wrong and bad and when you do that your life will continue to change contrast will show up it shows up for every single person but it's how what you do with the contrast when it happens whether it's really extreme or it's minor you know some people get really reactive and how big emotional reactions over very small things and then when things come they're just like oh my God you know so we have to know how to manage our energy.

I'm Going to redress something, I experienced suicide in my family myself. My daughter was engaged to be married, she was planning her wedding and her fiancé, shot himself and committed suicide and like you I'm a very positive person, I wouldn't say that I know how to work energy like you are because you're an expert on that, but in my life I've had a lot of challenges and you know you say that you can look at your book of wars and in my book of wars told me that almost every challenge that I faced, had a positive outcome just like you can you can see now but your son when that incident happened; but for the life of me I couldn't find the positive in that, suicide.

Now I think I'd go back in and I and I think that the positive maybe, like my pastor talked yesterday that sometimes God breaks you so that he can fit you in for your purpose. I think that my daughter came out of that situation a stronger person but at the time I couldn't find the positive, so how did you find the positive energy in your sister’s suicide? There's a lot of suicides going on right now so maybe someone is listening that can benefit from some advice on how to deal with someone close to you committing, suicide?

Dealing with suicide

This is a great question. For me I remember just feeling that I have to make a decision for myself because she chose what she chose and we can't control what other people choose, it was her life it was her decision even Abraham Hicks says that every death is really a suicide. Anyways when someone takes their own life we make it mean so much and it is shocking and it is traumatic, it's not like someone gets a disease and they get degenerative because of that and then they pass, this is something that's horrible, taking that away either but when someone abruptly ends their life in such a dramatic way it is very traumatic on everybody around them.

I would look at my sister it's like okay she chose what she chose what do I get to choose from my life? Then I started asking myself those questions. What do I want for my life? Why do I want these things? How am I going to want to feel? Really start to feel that way; but during the process I will tell you I allowed myself to feel my feelings, when I felt angry at the situation at her and anything I've processed my anger. I didn't go and beat anybody up.

I mean there's a proprietary process, anger right it's not raging it's not hurting another person but I would feel my anger. I would yell into a pillow, there's things you can do that are constructive for you that and as long as you're feeling the energy of those emotions and you're not bottling move it and I what you're saying yes yeah If I needed to cry, I would cry. I gave myself permission to cry whenever I Felt like. I needed to cry, I would excuse myself and I will go cry.

Conclusion

Christy I Want to thank you so much for being an awesome guest. Our conversation today on, having it all, was very inspirational and like I said I learned a lot from you. Looking forward to our next talk, we are going to dive a little deeper into “How to use the 7 essential Laws of Attraction to create a thriving joyful and prosperous relationship with your work and money.” I Want to thank everyone for tuning in today to on the radio at www.wdjyfm.com in Metro Atlanta. This podcast is distributed to iTunes, TuneIn radio, Stitcher, Google play and now also on iHeart radio. I would love everyone who’s listening to subscribe so that the podcast can rank higher on iTunes and more people like you can listen to awesome messages like the one we have today. so Christy Until next time Namaste

Traits of a Virtuous Woman

There are several stories in the bible about the, virtuous woman.  Proverbs say A, virtuous woman, who can find? For her price is worth more than rubies. Proverbs 12:4 says A, virtuous woman, is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I look at traits of the, virtuous woman, and use as my foundational story the, bible story, of, Ruth and Naomi, and why, Boaz, called, Ruth, a, virtuous woman.

Download podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10963289-traits-of-a-virtuous-woman.mp3?download=true

Boaz and Ruth Bible Story

One of my favorite, Bible stories, is the story of, Ruth and Naomi.

The story is told that, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law had huge losses. Her husband died as well as her two sons leaving her with no money. She said that the Lord made her life very bitter and caused her to suffer.

So, Naomi, decided to return home to Bethlehem in Judah because the Lord had blessed Judah with grain.

Naomi blessed her daughter in laws and sent them back home to their families but Ruth clung to her refusing to leave her

Naomi and Ruth, moved to Judah where Naomi told Ruth to go work in the fields of, Boaz, a very wealthy man. Boaz, noticed this strange woman working hard in the fields and enquired who she was. He was told that she was the young woman who came back with, Naomi.

Ruth the virtuous woman

Boaz, was impressed about what he heard about this, virtuous woman, and told his workers to treat her kindly and drop bundles of grain on purpose so she can pick up.

Ruth, worked throughout both the barley harvest and the wheat harvest then, Naomi, decided it was time for her to get a husband.

She gave, Ruth, instructions on what to do and, Ruth, did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. She bathed, put on her best dress applied perfume and lay at the feet of, Boaz. That was the submissive gesture. Boaz, woke up and accepted the offer blessing her for not going after a younger man.

The story ends with, Boaz, marrying, Ruth, and her son Obed was the grandfather of David.

Boaz, called Ruth a, virtuous woman

In this story Ruth was called a, virtuous woman, because:

  • She was loyal to her mother-in-law,
  • She was willing to work,
  • She was willing to leave her home and be a foreigner in another land and
  • She did everything her mother-in-law told her to do

What are the modern-day traits of a virtuous woman?

  • A, virtuous woman, cares for her family.
  • She is a hard worker.
  • While she toils faithfully in meeting the needs of her own family, she also doesn't forget to help the other needy people God brings across her path.
  • She also takes the time to look after her own health and be a good steward of her body.
What’s the benefit of being a virtuous woman?

Aristotle, says that the, keys to happiness, is the practice of, virtue, because, virtue, is in accord with human reason. Aristotle, stated that we can reach minor states of happiness through money, power, or fame, but ultimate happiness can only be reached though the practice of, virtue.

A, virtuous woman, has character traits such as honesty, chastity, courage, and generosity. Virtue, theorists believe that if we concentrate on being righteous people, the right actions will follow; in other words, the people with the right character tend to make the right decisions.

What is the meaning of Virtuous:
  1. Morally good; acting in conformity to the moral law; practicing the moral duties, and abstaining from vice; as a, virtuous man.
  2. Being in conformity to the moral or divine law; as a virtuous action; a virtuous life.
    The mere performance of, virtuous, actions does not denominate an agent virtuous.
  3. Chaste; applied to women.
  4. Efficacious by inherent qualities;

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope to see you back here next week for another episode of 5 min Fridays until then Namaste

Additional Resources:

3 Ways To Let Your Inner Greatness Shine Through

Are You Trapped By Your Past?

As a Certified a, Life Coach, I know that we can become, trapped, by past hurt. I am trained to help my clients look back at their, past, and find clues for their future. It is not that the, past, equals the future; but that it gives you an indication of how you respond to hurts and disappointments. For example: Do you tackle them head on and fight like Rocky Balboa, or do you fold up like an umbrella like your best girlfriend and let circumstances anchor you in life?

Out of the Snares, trapped by your past
Out of the Snares, trapped by your past

In Chapter 2 of my book “Out Of The Snares” I share with my readers how I responded to a significant childhood hurt, child abuse. I used the analogy of a train traveling to a predetermined destination and hit something along the way and become derailed. That train can no longer continue on to that destination. Once derailed it is finished and we become, trapped.

I made the choice not to let the circumstances of my childhood, derail me. I choose to release, past, hurt. Instead, I chose to look at the positives that came out of that experience and allowed the lessons learned to shape me into the person I am today.
We all have a story, the successful people in life, succeed in spite of their story. I share secrets on how to use your story as the launching pad to fire you up. I teach you how to not become, trapped.

I show how the people that God placed in your life as a child, are there to teach you something. Just as in the story of Moses being raised by the Pharaoh's daughter until he was ready for God to use him to fulfill his purpose, all the people in your life and your, past, have strategic purposes.

How to Heal, Past, hurts

We all have a mother or mother figure who helped shape us into the women we are today – whether that person is a biological mother who gave birth to us, or a mother figure such as an older sister, aunt, stepmother, grandmother, or teacher. However, the reality is that no matter who you called “mother,” this woman held power over your development throughout your life, and she may not have been the mother you needed. Whether through intentional malice, physical or emotional abuse, or unintentionally through absence or other life circumstances, you may find yourself wounded by her actions — or lack of action. This, past, hurt, influences who you become and how you live, either, trapped, or free.  Releasing, past, hurts stops the harmful impacts that can ripple through your relationships with a partner, children, and within yourself. It stops you from becoming, trapped, by these memories.

The take away from this chapter is that we all have a, past. Some more daunting than others, but under every cloud there is a silver lining. Success in life depends on how you chose to respond to the rain.

Remember that the same rain that causes the flood is the same rain that is responsible for the harvest.

Sponsor The Transform Your Mind Podcast
Sponsor The Transform Your Mind Podcast

5 Ways to Let Go of, Past, Hurts

The only way you can accept new joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. If your heart is filled full-up with pain from, past, hurt, you can't be open to anything new.

1. Make the decision to let go of the, past.

Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this, past hurt.

Making the conscious decision to let it go also means accepting you have a choice to let it go. To stop reliving the, past, pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person (after you finish step 2 below). This is empowering to most people, knowing that it is their choice to either become, trapped, by the pain, or to live a future life without it.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

2. Take responsibility and release blame for, past hurt.

Express the pain from, past hurt, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system (like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person). Get it all out of your system at once and take responsibility. Blame allows you to stay a victim.  Doing so will also help you understand why specifically you are hurting.

We don’t live in a world of black and whites, even when sometimes it feels like we do. While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. What could you have done differently next time? Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or will you become, trapped, by it.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

3. Stop being the victim and blaming others.

Being the victim feels good — it’s like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care, so you need to get over yourself. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your feelings matter. But don’t confuse with “your feelings matter” to “your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters.” Your feelings are just one part of this large thing we call life, which is all interwoven and complex. And messy.

In every moment, you have that choice — to continue to feel bad about another person’s actions, or to start feeling good. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person. Release the shackles and get out of the snares of blame. Why would you let the person who you feel is responsible for your, past hurt, have such power, right here, right now?

No amount of rumination of analyses have ever fixed a relationship problem. Never. Not in the entirety of the world’s history. So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

PODBEAN

4. Focus on the present.

Now it’s time to let go. Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where the protagonist — you — is forever the victim of this other person’s horrible actions. You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life.

When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness (as they are bound to do from time to time), acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment. Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying to yourself, “It’s alright. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my own happiness and doing .”

Remember, if we crowd our brains — and lives — with hurt feelings, there’s little room for anything positive. It’s a choice you’re making to continue to feel the hurt, rather than welcoming joy back into your life.

5. Forgive them and free yourself from being, trapped.

We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviors, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness, we can’t even imagine forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”

Download you copy of “Out Of The Snares” today
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B013C71KHE

Additional Resources

How to Forgive even when it feels impossible 

https://myhelps.us/reflection-4-rejection-surviving-mothers-abandonment/

No Fear : How to Live with Courage