On Today’s episode “5 Minutes with Coach Myrna”, I teach How to Use the Universal, Law of Action, to achieve Success in Life
In the first episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I shared the First Universal Law “The Law of Divine Oneness” If you missed that episode please download. I am teaching on the, 12 Universal Laws, because they are the blue print for a life by design. They are the rules of the game.
The 12 Universal Laws
Law of Divine Oneness,
Law of Vibration,
Law of Action,
Law of Correspondence,
Law of Cause and Effect,
Law of Attraction,
Law of Compensation,
Law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy,
Law of Relativity,
Law of Polarity,
Law of Gender,
and the Law of Rhythm
Successful people and the Law of Action
Life is the only job that we don’t get a manual for and most of us leave this body as clueless as when we were born.
Today I want to teach on the:
The second Universal Law the, Law of Action,
Successful people are future oriented so if you are not taking action towards a vision or goal, you will remain stagnant.
Movement creates energy.
Newton First Law states – A body in motion stays in motion. If you, take action, towards your goals you will attain them. If you take, MASSIVE action, towards your goals you will attain them much much faster.
1. Because we are spiritual beings having a human experience, your higher self, which is your source, GOD, gives you guidance in the form of thought or dreams. When you act on that guidance it opens the communication for more guidance. Acting on the guidance you get from your higher self will propel you in the direction of your purpose.
One way to gauge if you are moving in the direction of your purpose is your emotions. If you feel excited and happy to do the action then you are aligned. If you don’t feel good then it is not aligned to your goals or purpose and it is not from your spiritual guide. It is said that we have five voices in our head. You have to be able figure out who is speaking to you when you get direction.
The law of action: You have to do something
If you don’t know what action to take.
Ask yourself, What does successful people do?
Ask yourself again, What do I have to become to do something I have not done before? Taking action usually means stretching yourself to do something you have not done before. The, Law of Action, means taking action in the direction of your goals.
Playing to your strengths will not stretch you.
You have to go beyond your comfort zone and stretch yourself like a rubber band!
Would you like to know what a Life Coach does? A Life Coach prepares you your main goal in lifeby getting you to your purpose and then holding you accountable to make it happen.
Strengths can be categorized in two columns. The first column are the ones you are born with and the other, the ones you cultivated.
For example Warren Buffet tells the story that he was deathly afraid of public speaking, but he was born with the ability to do math. At a very young age he had the ability to take apart financial statements and understand the true value of a company; but he had zero ability as a speaker. So that was the strength he cultivated. He took action, he joined Toastmasters. The, Law of Action, at work.
Tony Robbins teaches that not only should take action; but you should take, MASSIVE action.
Most coaches will tell their clients, if you have a goal take some action towards that goal. If you want a Mercedes Benz then order a brochure or go test drive it. If you want to enroll in higher education, then go visit the campus and get information; but, MASSIVE action, is totally different. MASSIVE action, is quitting your job and starting your own business. MASSIVE action is Ed Sheeran getting on a plane and coming to America looking for a record deal, with no money in his pocket and sleeping on the subway until he found work! The, Law of Action, worked again, Ed became the biggest male pop-star on the planet!
Conclusion
Conclusion, take action, take, massive action, let the, Law of Action, propel you towards your goals.
Contact me for a FREE Downloadable copy my new e-book “How to Shift Your Mindset to Achieve Your Goals”
Thank you for tuning into 5 mins with coach Myrna, the, Law of Action, In our next episode we will look at the third law of the Universe “The Law of Correspondence”
Please remember to share this episode with your friends and subscribe and post a review.
Until next time Namaste
Your Life Theme and, personalities, shape what motivates and drives you throughout your life. Find out which of the four archetypes and the, 16 personalities types, that can compose your identity.
Introduction
John Voris, author of the book “Discover the Power that Drives your, Personality, How four Virtues Define your World, started his career as a door to door salesman. He failed miserably as a salesperson, even after taking sales training. He wondered why some people with the same training is better than others and discovered that, personalities, play an important role in skill. That started his thinking that some, personalities, can do certain skills better than others. He also realized that, 16 personalities types, controls our communication.
He learned that the human mind needs to express its authentic identity and, personality. One way it does that is by selecting the objects and environment that expresses who we are. That means that the objects around you right now reflect your past decisions. Decisions like, I know I like this or I don’t like that.
How to identify our 16 Personalities.
John: So when I figured out how to sell to, personalities, I became an excellent salesperson closing 12 out of 14 transactions. I would be able to walk into a room and tell the motivation of my clients by the objects they surrounded themselves with. For example If you came into my office today I have over 4000 books. You can deduct that I am curious. Then you look at the titles of the books and you would understand my desire for wisdom. That doesn’t mean I’ll buy; but if the salesperson tailor their language to my desire for wisdom and build rapport, they have a great chance of closing the sale. That is how you read people.
Another example, if I were to go into a beauty salon, I can figure out the, personalities; everyone is having fun. I want to appease the, personalities, so when I walk into the salon I talk about other people of interest. The people who just purchased my widgets like Janice two doors down. I would talk about what is factual about Janice. The, personalities, in the salon would buy my widget because Janice bought it.
Our, personality, as our way of expression. Your identity does not follow. I think therefore I am; It’s the only way to find self-actualization or self-realization. The objects, events and people around their, personality, identify the, personality type.
Myrna: I’m thinking of an object and that identifies, personalities, and identities. I’m thinking of maybe an expensive car, a big house, nice expensive clothes. These objects around me definitely define my, personality.
True, but I look at what do you like to do for fun? What is your hobby? In my 35 question, personality test, I ask the questions like “What event caused you the most pleasure? What event caused you the most pain?” I ask you to describe both, you will find they are linked to the same answer because they are linked to your, personality, and who you are. I am able to identify one of your, 16 personalities types, from this test.
Discover Your Life Theme: The, Personality, Engine That Drives You
Your Life Theme offers the, personality, framework that gives shape to what motivates and drives you throughout your life.
You are not a, personality, you are an identity. That identity is driven by one of four archetypes or “Life Themes.”
These “ Life Themes” are Love, Justice, Wisdom and Power.
These represent four and the only four major motivating forces that can explain human behavior.
These four archetypes have many roles and functions that compose our identity. It is their adequacy of expression that is responsible for us living a life of happiness and success.
While each of us contains all four, there is one that takes precedent over the others.
They are responsible for our feelings and emotional reactions often causing anxiety, fear, anger, self-doubt, alienation, the lack of life meaning and purpose.
Once you know your, personality, that’s driving your Archetype, you will be able to understand its presence and better manage your life and your relationships.
The Myers-Briggs Personalities Type Indicator
An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Intuitive-Thinking. INTJ. INTP. ENTJ. ENTP.
Intuitive-Feeling. INFJ. INFP. ENFJ. ENFP.
Sensing-Judging. ISTJ. ISFJ. ESTJ. ESFJ.
Sensing-Perceiving. ISTP. ISFP. ESTP. ESFP.
According to, Myers-Briggs, theory of, personality types, people can be characterized by their preference of general attitude:
Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I), their preference of one of the two functions of perception:
Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:
Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)
The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:
Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)
The 16 personalities types
The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.
The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.
The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.
The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.
All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of the corresponding combination of preferences:
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The motivation of each of the four Life Themes or, personalities types:
The Love Theme- is motivated to better humanity by trying to correct that which causes pain, discomfort, suffering, and victimization. It is driven by love, compassion, and empathy.
The Justice Theme – seeks balance and harmony. Justice is expressed in several ways. It seeks to correct injustice and immorality in people, relationships and organizations. It also gets expressed by seeking balance and perfection using design through engineering, art, music, and literature.
The Wisdom Theme – is driven by a need to know in order to exercise sound judgment in problem solving and goal attainment. Wisdom finds its expression and purpose through teaching, learning, and working with data.
The Power Theme – needs to act upon thoughts and get into action. Empowerment finds its expression and purpose through Power as a natural leader and agent of change.
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As you can see, there is something deeper than our, personality, at work that is running the show. Our, personality, is merely the way we appear in social situations. It is not what drives us.
What drives us are ancient archetypal forces based on moral and ethical virtues. I like to see these virtues as gifts that we are born with and are compelled to express and give throughout our life.
All of us need all four of the universal motivation systems regardless of our upbringing, opportunities, and physical attributes:
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Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question how does rejection by a natural mother affect the child’s self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.
On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it’s such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be. It nonetheless served such a great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following. It’s one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively. It’s one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand. When you suffer from, abandonment, you’re in your own community and it’s isolating; but yet you’re so powerful at the same time.
With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment, and it is a challenge, it’s a lot to muddle through. However, once you get through it, and you’re on the other side, there’s nothing you can’t do. So in my situation, it’s like a head of bipartisan. I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time. I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old. That’s when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968. I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States. Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement. That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.
I do remember one particular time my, mother, did quote, unquote kidnap me. She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she’s so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me. She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that’s okay and that’s what I explained in the book. It’s perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is. It’s a supernatural definition. I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what’s going on. What’s happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you. It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.
Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.
Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
Abandonment issues, may stem from physical (the parent is not present in the child’s life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance. Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.
I want to comment on something you said that’s a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water. Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don’t think they’re good enough.
When you feel, abandoned, it’s not your imagination. When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It’s this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you’re a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can’t wait to get you off the phone. When you’re in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.
On, reflection, once you’ve been in a situation where you’ve made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips, anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive. It’s toxic, and it’s unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards. You literally feel as if you’ve been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.
You’re in tears and you’re shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you’ve got to kiss every behind in the universe. You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me. That’s why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That’s why I engineered and composed the book.
My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn’t want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.
Power is something you take, nobody gives you power. You snatch power.
So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing, is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned, in hindsight. Let’s really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second. If you really do this it’s not hard at all, you won’t have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins. Kissing this one’s tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother, love you, trying to buy this person, begging for love, please love me, please like me. You don’t have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It’s not necessary. I’m trying to save somebody 50 years.
Abandonment, from Relationships
Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected, period? I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned, are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents. Men can reject you, your friends can reject you, jobs can fire you. Is this information transferable?
I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a child and a natural, mother. This ironically is not, rejection, and if you read the book you’ll totally comprehend what I’m speaking about. The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you. The natural, mother, doesn’t even know you. How can somebody reject you when they don’t even know you? That makes absolutely no sense.
I’ve seen that the trauma that it is caused in young lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it’s kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn’t reject you because she doesn’t know you. If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side. That’s good, I like that spin.
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What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?
I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.
What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?
It would be in their best interest even if they don’t get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book. It’s their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not. I mean that’s their choice; but with that being said.
Don’t ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth. Don’t do that. Don’t ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.
I know you talked about your natural mother not really rejecting you because she didn’t know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?
My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating. He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling. So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.
I’m not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass. I can’t really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers, who have gone through the same episode and they didn’t react that way.
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One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach. At those times were you ever angry?
What’s so interesting is that I got angry at the end. Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what’s so flabbergasting to me is that I didn’t get angry and livid until the very end. I wasn’t angry at her, I was angry at me for participating. I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration, the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, the monotony, and the redundancy.
Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you’re at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you’re free.
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When you read the book you’ll completely understand what’s going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Your, mother, didn’t reject you, she can’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.
Yes, I understand what you’re saying. After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side, you feel empowered like you can walk on water. Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.
Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children in many ways.
Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.
Childhood trauma, #2
2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.
Childhood trauma, #3
3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.
Childhood trauma, #4
4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.
Childhood trauma, #5
5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24
Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.
Childhood trauma, #6
6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.
Childhood trauma, #7
7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.
8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.
Childhood trauma, #9
9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.
10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.
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Uninvolved parenting, sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting, is a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child’s needs. Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful.
Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.
So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?
Here is one woman’s story af adult adhd
I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD. One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.
I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.
The two inattentive men, naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.
Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.
I’m curious about, Adult ADHD symptoms. Does kids with, ADHD, become adults with, adult ADHD?
For clarity let’s make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD. Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD, is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it’s important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they’re seeing the adult exhibit. Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.
Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?
Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.
What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?
When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use. It gives you clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed. There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.
Inattention
Impulse Control
Hyperactivity
We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don’t have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium. Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.
ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.
Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.
Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
Basal Ganglia. …
Reticular Activating System.
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To test for, adult ADHD, one has to look at the functions of the brain. The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected in ADHD. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.
The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement. The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system. It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.
Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?
No, not at all. I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass. I would love to see his research.
Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?
Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals. I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.
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Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?
I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD. He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.
One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness
Altruism is the selfless act of helping others without expecting anything in return. “It is often considered one of the defining characteristics of what it means to be human. Jesus introduces us to the, servant mindset. The servant mindset, is doing your duty and not expecting thanks or words of appreciation. This message hit home to me because I always say thanks and expect thanks. But if we are truly serving our community, we do our duty just like the servant who worked all day in the fields, then he had to prepare his masters meal and then serve him while he ate. And when his master has no more need for him then he fixes himself something to eat. He does all this without his coveting his master to say thanks.
Welcome back to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, the podcast. I’m your host, life coach Myrna Young, and today on Five Minute Fridays, I want to delve into the topic of embracing the, servant mindset. It’s an interesting concept that I’ve been learning and growing in myself, as I’ve always been someone who expects thanks when I serve others. However, true Altruism is the service without expecting thanks or anything in return. Jesus teaches us that true service comes from a place of selflessness, where we serve without expecting anything in return.
In Luke 17:7-9, Jesus shares a parable about a servant who plows and tends to the sheep. When the servant comes in from the field, he doesn’t expect to be invited to sit down and eat. Instead, he is instructed to prepare his master’s supper, get himself ready, and wait on his master while he eats and drinks. Only after his master is satisfied does the servant have permission to eat and drink himself. And in this parable, Jesus emphasizes that the servant will not receive thanks for simply doing his job, because his duty is to be of service to his master.
This parable resonates with me personally, as I often find myself expecting thanks and appreciation for the work I do. For example, as the host of this podcast, I promote my guests and go out of my way to support them. However, I’ve noticed that sometimes there is silence after the show airs, with no acknowledgement or reciprocation. But I’ve come to realize that my purpose is to serve in true Altruism fashion and if I don’t receive thanks, it doesn’t diminish the value of my service.
My husband often reminds me not to expect others to pat me on the back, but to pat myself on the back instead. He shares his experience from playing football, where he would make a great play and not receive any recognition from the coach. Eventually, he learned to acknowledge his own achievements and find fulfillment in his own work, rather than relying on external validation. This is the essence of embracing a, servant mindset – finding joy and fulfillment in the act of serving through Altruism regardless of whether or not we receive thanks.
So, what does it mean to have a, servant mindset? Let’s explore the key aspects of this mindset and how they can positively impact our lives.
Selfless Service: Helping Others Without Expecting Recognition
True service is rooted in selflessness and Altruism. It’s about helping others not for recognition, but because it’s the right thing to do. As I serve you all through this podcast, my ministry is to help you transform your mind and, in turn, transform your life. I don’t expect thanks or praise for my service, because my purpose is to make a positive impact and support your growth. Embracing a, servant mindset, means focusing on the act of service itself, rather than seeking external validation and reciprocation.
Humility and Obedience: Following Without Expecting Praise
To have a, servant mindset, we must practice humility and obedience. Just as the servant in the parable follows their master’s commands without expecting praise, we too should approach our duties with humility and obedience. This means being willing to serve others and fulfill our responsibilities without seeking recognition or accolades. It’s about recognizing that our role is to serve and support others, and finding fulfillment in fulfilling that role, regardless of whether or not we receive thanks.
The Joy of Giving: Finding Fulfillment in Altruism
A, servant mindset, brings joy through giving and helping others, even if our actions are not acknowledged or appreciated. It’s about finding fulfillment in the act of giving itself, rather than relying on external validation or gratitude. For example, I find joy in giving money to those in need, even if they don’t express their gratitude. The act of giving is its own reward, and it allows us to make a positive impact in the lives of others.
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Cultivating Gratitude: Appreciating Those Who Serve Us
On the flip side of giving is gratitude. Embracing Altruism also means being grateful for those who serve us selflessly. Whether it’s a spouse who supports us or someone who goes above and beyond in their service, we should acknowledge and appreciate their efforts. It’s important to recognize that we are not the only ones with a, servant mindset, and to express our gratitude for those who serve us in various ways.
The Ripple Effect of Altruism: Inspiring Others to Serve
Embracing Altruism can inspire others to do the same. When we lead by example and cultivate a culture of kindness and generosity, it creates a ripple effect in our communities. Others see our selfless service and are inspired to follow suit. As Jesus said, someone is always watching, and our actions can inspire others to embrace a, servant mindset, and make the world a better place, one act of kindness at a time.
In conclusion, embracing a, servant mindset, as taught by Jesus in Luke 17, is a path to genuine selfless service. It reminds us that true Altruism comes from helping others without expecting accolades. By adopting this mindset, we can make a positive impact in the lives of others and create a ripple effect of kindness and generosity. So, let’s continue to serve without expecting thanks, knowing that our true reward lies in the joy of giving and the knowledge that we are making a difference in the world.
Thank you for joining me on this episode of Five Minute Fridays. Until next time, remember to embrace the, servant mindset, and continue to transform your mind to transform your life. Namaste.
In this post coach Myrna shares 4 tips on, how to deal with rejection, and why you have to believe, you are the one. Rejection is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape the course of our lives. Even figures of historical and religious significance, such as Jesus and David, were not immune to the sting of rejection.
Jesus was rejected in his home town because the people said he is just a carpenter, the son of Mary. We know his brothers and sisters and we’re deeply offended that he claimed to be the son of God
David was the least in his household. His father did not even call him when the prophet came to the house, he told the prophet those were all his sons until the prophet said the oil is not flowing for any of these men, so there must be another son, then the father said yes they’d is David but he is just a nobody.
Rejection is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape the course of our lives. Even figures of great historical and religious significance, such as Jesus and David, were not immune to the sting of rejection. In this solo coaching session, I want to look at lessons on, how to deal with rejection, and lessons we can learn from rejection. Also why you must believe that, you are the one. Remember Neo in the matrix? Once he believed he was the One he was invincible.
In examining the story of both Jesus and David’s rejection we gain insights into the nature of doubt, the complexities of identity, and the resilience required on, how to overcome rejection.
The story of Jesus’ rejection in his hometown of Nazareth is a poignant reminder that familiarity does not always breed acceptance. Despite performing miracles and teaching with authority, Jesus faced skepticism and disbelief from those who had known him as a child. The people said He is just a carpenter, I know his mom and his brothers and sisters. Jesus commented “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town” captures the essence of, how to deal with rejection. Jesus’ experience teaches us that our friends and even family members can reject you and not give you respect even when you are doing something extraordinary.
David: The Overlooked Anointed One
The story of David’s anointing as king provides another example of the complexities of rejection and, how to deal with rejection. When the prophet Samuel visited Jesse’s household to anoint the future king of Israel, David’s own father did not initially consider him a candidate. Instead, Jesse presented his older, seemingly more qualified sons. This oversight illustrates the limitations of human perception and the tendency to judge based on appearances rather than character or potential.
1. **The Power of Perseverance:** Both Jesus and David demonstrated remarkable perseverance in the face of rejection. This is the first tip on, how to deal with rejection. They did not allow doubt or skepticism to deter them from their missions. Their stories remind us that setbacks can be stepping stones to greatness when met with determination.
2. **The Importance of Self-Belief:** Jesus and David both held strong convictions about their identities and callings. This is tip #2 on, how to handle rejection, you have to believe that, you are the one. Their unwavering self-belief allowed them to rise above the opinions of others and fulfill their destinies. They believed that they were the One. This underscores the significance of self-awareness and confidence in navigating challenges.
3. **Have an Open Mind:** The reactions of those around Jesus and David serve as a reminder of the, dangers of closed-mindedness. Rejection can stem from biases, limited perspectives, and societal norms. Embracing open-mindedness and being willing to see beyond the surface can lead to greater understanding and acceptance. Never judge the book by its cover.
4. **The Unpredictability of Purpose:** Both stories highlight the unpredictability of, divine purpose. The rejected stone can become the cornerstone, and the overlooked shepherd boy can become a mighty king. These narratives encourage us to remain open to the unexpected directions that our lives may take.
The stories of Jesus’ rejection in his hometown and David’s overlooked anointing remind us that even the most revered figures faced doubt and rejection. These accounts offer valuable lessons about perseverance, self-belief, open-mindedness, and the unpredictable nature of purpose. By examining these narratives, we can draw inspiration to overcome our own challenges, embrace our identities, and navigate the complexities of rejection with grace and resilience.
If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar disorder, it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time. In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.
Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.
I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn’t know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn’t know anything was wrong.
Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.
I just thought it was normal to want to die.
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What is, Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.
The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married. You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic; being in the middle is where you want to be.
I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don’t have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.
They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn’t know, if my family didn’t know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That’s why I became a, mental health advocate.
I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn’t be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.
Hypnosis-Everywhere with Ines Simpson explores, dissects, discusses and opens up the world of Hypnosis. You will discover that Hypnosis is a very big world indeed. In Hypnosis-Everywhere, Ines offers you tools and answers to deal with that tricky mind of yours, and proven ways to enrich your life.
Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other
Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.
All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.
For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.
In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.
I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.
I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.
The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.
Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that’s when you meet the girl, that’s when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.
Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly
Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.
In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.
If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it’s simple.
It’s much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?
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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?
Biological traits
Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.
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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar
Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years. He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.
That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.
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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.
The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,
It’s almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don’t just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.
Coping with, grief, either from death, divorce, incarceration, job loss, or even loosing your home is devastating. Mental Health counselor, Arifah Yusaf and, Life Coach, Myrna Young shares strategies for coping with loss.
I have been fortunate at 60 years old to not had to deal with the kind of, grief, that tears your soul out. The kind that of, grief, makes you want to die. The kind that hurt so bad that you can’t get up out of bed for weeks.
I have heard stories, and I have had a front row seat to my daughters grief when she buried her fiancé.
Grief from Losing a Child:
I was listening to an interview with Anderson Cooper a few months back and he was telling the story of his brother suicide. Then I heard his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt, talk about it. Put yourself in this scene.
Your 22 year old son wakes up from a nap and comes into your room. Asks you some question you don’t comprehend and then runs out of your room onto the balcony of your 12th story Penthouse suite and jumps to his death while you watch, shocked out of your mind.
Gloria Vanderbilt, had this experience. In an interview she said in her, grief, she stayed in bed for 2 weeks and cried and cried until she ran out of tears. Since then she has not cried once. She says it is as if, she has no tears left.
When a loved one commits suicide the, grief, is even more acute because there is blame wondering what you may have missed, could have done to prevent it, are you the cause etc.
The guest told the story about, the death of her spouse, seeing her husband drown in front of her and how her world changed from that day.
Here is her story. She said her husband Matt was a super athlete very strong. She gave us the mental picture of him hanging from a cliff with one hand and in the other hand pulling up his 17 year old son.
One day before they picked up her husband’s son from the Airport, they decided to take their dog for a walk in the woods by their home. Her husband decided to take a quick swim in the river, something he did several times per week. She decided to keep playing with the dog.
After some time, she said she heard her husband cough once and she didn’t think anything of it. She said to herself, he got water into his mouth again. When she heard him cough again, she decided to investigate. When she reached the river, she saw her husband clinging to a branch in river. She knew something was wrong.
The river looked the same as it always looked, very calm on top; but as soon as she stepped into the river to help her husband, she felt the strong undercurrent. The current took her and her dog up the river for about 2 miles before it spit them out on the shore. She said she was then lost in the woods for about 45 mins before she was able to get help.
They began a search and rescue for her husband, but after 3 hours it became a search and recovery.
They found him entangled in weeds at the bottom of the river.
My husband drowned in front of me
Her, grief, extended to having to tell Matt’s son that his father was dead. What it felt like to pick up Matt’s son from the airport the day before his 18th birthday.
Knowing that Matt’s son could never again celebrate his birthday again because it will always be the anniversary of his Dad’s death. She talked about having to call Matt’s parents and tell them their son was dead. She said his father hung up on her he didn’t want to believe it. Calling all his friends in his phone and telling them. Her, grief, was unbearable.
She said she could no longer practice her profession as a therapist, because she couldn’t listen to other people’s problems anymore. But the point she wanted to convey by telling her story, was that while she was in mystery and her world changed forever, her neighbors world and everyone else’s world continued unchanged.
The sun came up the next day, her neighbor came out the next day and picked up his morning newspaper. She likened it to going to the movies, you pay to see a comedy but while everybody else is laughing your screen split and you are watching a horror movie.
My firsthand experience with, grief, was seeing the pain it caused my daughter when her fiancé committed suicide. His mother called me and I thought she was joking when she said ” The boy killed himself” until she said why would I joke about something like that.
I had the unenviable role of telling my daughter her fiancé was dead. I can still hear her screens of anguish. I didn’t know what to do.
Her world changed. She quit school. She was doing her Masters degree at the time.
She went back later; but I had to call her professors and tell them the situation.
Then she had to deal with the funeral and the burial.
I didn’t know what to do, what to say or how to help her with her, grief.
The therapist said that most people don’t know what to do or say.
Because our culture spins the tale that life must go on and that everything has a purpose.
She feels that is bullshit to sat that her husband died, so that she can use her pain to help other people. What she is doing now.
She said you can’t tell a mother who lost her baby that God had better plans for the child.
We will go through her suggestions for helping others deal with, grief, and what you can do to help later on in this blog
Here is how to deal with, grief from incarceration: Grief Counseling,
In the co-host chair is Arifah Yusuf Mortley, registered social worker, mental health counselor and founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.
How is, grief from incarceration, similar to losing a loved one in death?
In my experience I have supported both clients in, grief counseling, dealing with, grief, of a loved one who died and secondary loss, such as losing a loved one to incarceration. When speaking with my clients, dealing with the loss of a loved one, I always listen and provide the space and opportunity for them to be heard and share their feelings.
It’s important for them to know during, grief counseling, that grief, is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense your, grief, will be.
Emotional reactions of, grief, can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair.
During, grief counseling, clients may associate grieving with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of, grief, but you can also experience intense, grief from incarceration, or losing a loved one to incarceration. For example, I had a client who was pregnant and her fiancé was sentenced to 6 years in prison.
Grief while incarcerated
Even though he did not die the, grief, was intense from her watching him get sentenced and taken away the same day, delivering their baby without him present, and raising their child on her own. She would drive 3 hours to visit him and 3 hours back home once a month and speak to him as often, as she could afford.
Over time the, grief from incarceration, took a toll on her, as this was not the family life she had envisioned for herself. Likewise, it was difficult for her fiancé in prison, as he felt he was missing out on the experience of raising their child, and the experience of being the father he promised himself and her, he would be.
He felt disappointment in himself and a disconnection to his family. He also, experienced, grief, from loosing his freedom, and the ability to provide for his family. He also grieved missing all the milestones of his child’s life (ie. Missing first words, walk, first day of school, birthdays) and intense worry about their health and safety. As well, wondering if his girl would leave him for someone else. The inevitable of not being able to fully control situations, was an intense loss for them both, and sometimes, she would say it felt as if he was gone and not coming back home.
Steps to helping friends or family members deal with, Grief:
1: Never say get over it or it is for the best.
2: Allow them to grieve. If they want to talk about it listen. They need to feel heard. In fact they will talk about it until they feel heard.
Help them by taking care of daily necessities like child care, cooking, cleaning, taking out the trash, picking up kids from school etc. A person in, grief, is not capable of doing any of these things.
Sit with the thought that time does heal. The therapist went back to work helping others, my daughter went back to school and graduated on time with her Masters degree. She is getting married in December. Anderson Cooper decided to send himself to the war zone and report news. That is how he dealt with his, grief. That launched his career as a reporter.
How to Deal with grief from incarceration or death
Listen and engage in conversations about the loss, so they can begin to recognize the reality of the loss and confront their own emotions (e.g. loneliness, sadness, helplessness). These stressors include things like thoughts, feelings, actions, and memories that cause us to feel, grief, and focus on the loss.
I share the Tear Model when working with clients, which focuses in on the following.
The Tear Model to help with, Grief
Accept the reality of the loss
Experience the reality of the loss
Adjust to a new life without the person
Reinvest in the new reality
I often explain that restoration–orientation refers to coping with issues related to secondary changes brought on by the loss (e.g., financial, family demands), and adapting to these issues.
A griever will go between confronting the loss and avoiding the loss.
Have you found your, passion? Passion, is that burning desire that God placed in your belly at birth. It is also called your burning bush.
In this episode I reference the Final chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”
I call this chapter “God’s consuming fire your , passion.
In this chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.
Out of the Snares
“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
— Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch
What is Passion
Passion it is that thing that you were created to do. The thing that makes you feel good when you are doing it, like you transcended your body and entered the heavens. The thing that you would do all day for free.
Kobe Bryant was born with a purpose, he got the genes and the physical attributes to be a basketball player but; he had to engage his, passion.
Purpose is what you were placed on the earth to do, it is your contribution to mankind. The first way to uncover your, passion, is to find out what holds your interest and what you love doing. God gave you your gift of purpose, and you’re not always passionate about your purpose; but if you can marry it to your, passion, it’s like pouring gasoline on the fire. You have to feed your, passion. That’s what Kobe Bryant did and that is why he is a Legend. No one out worked him, he wanted to be the best and win championships.
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One of the self-evaluation questions I ask my new coaching clients is “If you were the Power-ball winner of $500,000,000. What would you do with your time?” You see, when you take away the need to earn money, then your head becomes clear as to what your passion really is.
In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.
For Walt Disney it was drawing and Art. Walt started drawing as an ambulance driver in the army. Then he became a commercial artist. After being let go from his company, he decided to start his own graphics company. His company failed from bad management. Walt had a string of failures that included bankruptcy before he found success. He married Art with imagination and created the happiest place on earth. His passion for drawing birth an empire that has gross revenues today in the billions of dollars.
Walt Disney World is now visited by over 5 million families every year, Annual cash flow from Disney’s consortium of products and films are in excess of 21 billion dollars. It includes 535 Disney stores, a cable television station, amusement parks in Orlando, California, Paris and more. All because he would not let the fire in his belly die.
So what would you do for free?
How did Sylvester Stallone Find his, Passion?
Sylvester Stallone was born disabled. He suffered injury at birth that left one side of his mouth deformed and caused him to speak funny. Sylvester’s passion was born from being hungry. Like Les Brown would say “You got to be Hungry” Sylvester was broke and hungry. He was walking the street one day, cold and hungry and he decided to go into a library to stay warm. Laying on the table was a book about a fighter who overcame odds to win.
That inspired Sylvester Stallone to go write the Rocky story. He wrote that story in one sitting. He did not stop for 20 hours. That inspiration was the gasoline that lit the fire that God put inside him. Again he married passion with imagination and wrote a story that resonated with each and every one of us. The story of Rocky. It made him a millionaire many times over.
“When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.”
— John Wesley
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Back in the day, Stallone was a struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife’s jewelry and sold it. Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes, he slept at the New York bus station for 3 days. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to a stranger. He didn’t have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold his dog for $25. He says he walked away crying.
Two weeks later, he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie, ROCKY. He wrote the script in 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR, Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.
They said he “Looked funny and talked funny”. He left with his script. A few weeks later, the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie, but NOT him. He said NO. He was not selling out, if they did not cast him, they couldn’t buy his script. It worked. They wanted the script so badly, that they cast his as Rocky and history was made.
What is exactly the, Meaning of, Passion
Passion, is that which deeply stirs us or a developmental perspective, so it’s like the essence of our commitment. Passion is the thing that drives us. You might hear older individuals say they “lost their will to live,” that means they lost their passion, their fuel. Just like a child requires love to grow, we require passion to continue to grow inside.
When we selectively share our, passion, we engage the universe to manifest our, passion.
It’s like putting gasoline on your fire when you engaged your, passion.
J.K Rowling was a single parent, a divorcee and out of work. On a train ride from Manchester to London she got the inspiration to create the Harry Potter story. But she was already a published author. Writing her first book at 6 years old and another at 11 years old. She became an English teacher because her passion was writing. Ms Rowling says
Failure stirs the fire in your belly to do something about your passion.
In 2015 J.K. Rowling’s 2008 Harvard commencement speech was published under the title ‘Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination’
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My, passion, is learning, building and imparting. As a Life coach, author and motivational speaker, I am constantly learning, building and imparting into the lives of others. I could do it all day and I do it for free.
Find your, passion!
“There is no greater thing you can do with your life and your work than follow your passions – in a way that serves the world and you.” Richard Branson
What I encourage people to do is to focus on the positive at all times. If they remove the negative, those emotional vampires, they will let the light in. Once you move away or walk away or even run away from negativity, you can begin to find your, passion in life. Be passionate about whatever you desire, it doesn’t matter what it is, be passionate about it by surrounding yourself with those people who are similar in Life or those people who have already done it.
I remember people talking about Diana Ross, one of my favorite people. They were so upset with her for continually surrounding herself around for White people, and she told them she surrounds herself with anyone regardless of color who is going in the same direction as she or where she wants to go.
The common complaint among a lot of people is that they need to, ‘find their passion.’
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.
The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
Self sabotaging behaviors, move us in the opposite direction from our goals. When we understand the patterns that underlie, self sabotage, we begin to free ourselves.
We then begin to allow ourselves to interact with ourselves and the world with greater success, joy, and fulfillment. The process of breaking through denial, facing your fear, anger, and other difficult emotions, and making peace with your pain, leads to an ending of the internal war with yourself.
You can step fully into the greatest expression of yourself. Finding the wisdom inside the wounds you’ve endured is one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have with yourself about, self sabotage, because on the other side of it is the emotional freedom and depth of joy that you were born to have.
Introduction to, Self Sabotaging Behaviors
In this interview Sabrina Johnson, inspirational Speaker and Author, talks on how she overcame different aspects of, self sabotaging behaviors, because of her lack of self confidence and negative self talk. Overcoming, Self Sabotage, and taking Inventory of your failures is one way to stop, self defeating behavior.
Whatever form it takes – whether, self sabotaging behaviors, or limiting thought patterns; self sabotage, always diminishes the passion and energy we need to fulfill our dreams. At the heart of the matter, it is possible to create as much love, fulfillment, success and joy as we feel worthy of having. By identifying how your inner saboteur is, self sabotaging, your life, you can make radical progress toward that which you want.
Overcoming, Self Defeating, behavior by changing your Mindset
Mindsets are beliefs – beliefs about yourself and your most basic qualities.
Think about your intelligence, your talents, your personality. Are these qualities simply fixed traits, carved in stone or can you cultivate and grow these traits?
Your intelligence is not a fixed quantity which cannot be increased. With practice, training, and above all method, we can increase our attention, our memory, our judgment and become more intelligent than we were before.
In a, Fixed Mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits thus the, self defeating, behavior
In a Growth Mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
The, Fixed Mindset, is a, Defeated Mindset
The, fixed mindset, creates an internal dialogue that is focused on judging. e.g
“I am a loser”
“I am the giver in this relationship and I get nothing in return”
“I am a no good husband”
“My partner is selfish only thinks about himself”
People with a, growth mindset, are sensitive to positive and negative information; but they’re attuned to its implications for learning and growing. They ask themselves “What can I learn from this” How can I improve “How can I help my partner do better.
Self sabotage
How to Overcome, Self Sabotage, at Work
I have always been someone who spent years trying to move my life forward I always say that I am a dreamer; but the problem was I made decisions and choices in my life that counteracted that data. I told myself I wanted to move forward; but everything that I did was, self sabotage, my behavior caused me to move backwards.
If I stopped and did an honest self-assessment and really seek God for direction on what am I needed to do. I would figure out why I was seemingly repeating the same, self sabotaging, cycles in my life. It was at that point that I began to really recognize certain, defeated mindsets, or negative truth about myself that I held about myself subconsciously that was preventing me from moving forward and continuing these, self defeating behaviors.
For instance I’ll give you an example. I am very career-driven, so I desire to move up the career ladder. I have a master’s degree in marketing; but whenever I went to apply for a director level or VP level positions, I get intimidated and, self sabotage, by talking myself out of applying for that position. I would apply and start working at a lower position and then the next couple of months I’m miserable.
Inevitably my employer would see in me what I couldn’t see in myself and they would give me more responsibility. Then I would complain about being overworked and underpaid. My, defeated mindset, would make me, self sabotage, and take a lower position than I was qualified for. Then I would leave these jobs because it wasn’t what I wanted and then the cycle would begin all over again at another company.
I had to say OK God I need your help. Give me the courage to jump in even though I felt fear.
Myrna: Let me not skip over this huge opportunity to ask you Sabrina. Since you’ve done whole bunch of self-assessments, why did you have a, defeated mindset, and, self sabotage, yourself all those years? Why did you not have confidence in your abilities?
Sabrina: That is a great question Myrna, and that was something I had to really pinpoint. I was listening to a speaker and he said when you lack self-confidence, somewhere along the line in your life someone fed into your mind that you were not good enough. That you were not worthy enough. I started looking back on past unhealthy relationships and past hurts and start to really connect the guys who rejected me. Hurts from past relationships.
I had to rely on my faith and ask God for guidance. Outside of that I read a lot of self-help books and articles on how to overcome a, defeated mindset, how to build your confidence and how to speak with confidence; but a lot of it, the core of it really has to go back to the words that I was speaking to myself. So when I started to get intimidated by the Job description, I would remind myself that I have done this job in the past. You’re not going to take a different role in the company then do this job and not get paid for it. I started being my own cheerleader.
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Become aware of your emotions. Your emotions are the language of your body.
Change your emotions by thinking of want you want. Eg. You have applied for a promotion 2 times now and you keep being passed over. A, defeated mindset, says I am never going to get this job I had better get used to this and begin to, self sabotage, Instead imagine yourself in this new position. Feel in your body how it would feel to sit at that desk with your name on the door.
Your emotions will change and so will your body. It believes it is living in the future now.
Being, abandoned, by a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment. It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient. In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.
Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.
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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:
Devalued and rejected by others
Abandoned, by our parents
Feelings of, not good enough, because we have lack.
When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same. There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.
Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.
Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry. With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.
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Are you a high-achieving woman of color who struggles with imposter syndrome, procrastination, and self-sabotage?
Are you tired of going to bed each night hoping that tomorrow will be a better day, only for it to be more of the same?
Are you sick of empty affirmations that make you feel good but don’t actually lead to change?
Are over being shamed and yelled at to “do the work!” with no insight as to HOW to get it done?
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Abandoned, by Love
Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again. This pattern is repeated often.
Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.
It takes work to heal your cracks. The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.
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Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:
Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind. You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.
In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.
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How the, Abandonment, wound plays out in relationships:
Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
Overreacting to conflict
Becoming a pleaser
Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.
An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now, and this is find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose. The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan to go after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
How to, ask for a raise, a promotion, God for something, a Guy out. How to Ask for Affection or anything else you want in life.
A few weeks ago I started reading this book “The game of life and how to play” By Florence Scovel Shinn. The title of the book caught my attention, because I have a chapter in my bookOut of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement called How to become a Player in the Game of life and I have a podcast episode entitled “How to win the game of life.”
So you see this topic is close to my heart.
So I started reading. The content wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before, just said in a different way. For example I am a Christian and a follower of the teaching of Jesus Christ. I have read books, listened to visionaries, my pastor and numerous other men of God quote this scripture Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened to you, seek and you shall find. I know this, I believe this; but I had never heard said like this. “You have to make the first move”
Talk about dumbing it down!
My immediate reference was, making the first move if you want a man instead of waiting on him. How many times you just waited and waited for a man to call you or ask you out and he never made the first move and that was the end of your dream of this guy. If you had picked up the phone and asked him out, you would have received what you wanted. Or at least you would know for sure he was not interested.
So I decided to, Ask for a raise, from God.
This is how I, asked God for a raise, “God you are my supply. Let everything that is mine by divine right be manifested now. I ask you for a lead, I am knocking at the door, let who I seek be seeking me. Amen”
I made the first move I, asked for a raise,
And God answered immediately!
The very next day I woke up at 5 am and decided to scan my Facebook feed. I don’t normally do this but I followed inspiration and did this day. I am a Realtor and a Life Coach. The day before I had marketed on my Facebook page a 12 unit multifamily commercial property. As you know Facebook algorithm records everything you post and like.
So at the top of my feed was this video of a sponsored Ad about a guy talking about how he has made $200,000,000 in four years by buying multifamily properties all over the country. I decided to comment on the post that I had a great price on this 12 unit multifamily unit in Fort Myers and asked if he invests in Florida? Not only did he respond that he is only interested in multifamily properties with over 100 units; but 5 other people responded to me for info on this deal! I only asked God for one lead! He sent me 6.
Then I got an inquiry from my original marketing post. This prospect had the most serious interest and ending up making an offer of $910,000!
Bang that is how it is done!
God is good when? All the time!!! you just need to know how to engage with God and the universal laws he has put in place.
One is these laws is, Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, know and the door will be opened to you. In other words, you need to make the first move!
How to, Ask for a Raise, or anything else you want in life eg:
How to Ask God for something,
How to ask your boss for a raise or a promotion,
How to ask a guy out
How to Ask for Affection
How to, ask for a raise,or more money
A situation of lack can be changed to prosperity by changing your mindset.
If you concentrate on what you don’t have you will attract more of what you don’t have – Lack
Instead be grateful for what you have and bless it.
You can bless your pennies and have it multiplied.
The most powerful miracle in the Bible is Jesus blessing 5 loafs of bread and 5 fish and turning them into enough food to feed thousands of people with left overs.
That is a principle Jesus was demonstrating; Give thanks for what you have, bless it and it will yield more.
Whatever man images sooner or later externalizes in his affairs. If you like a guy before you, Ask a guy out, do the internal work so when you, Ask a guy out, he will likely say yes.
Imagine the two of you on a date, talking and laughing, and connecting.
Say “Infinite spirit open the way for the divine design of my life to manifest. The perfect plan includes love and perfect self expression.”
Then, Ask the guy out, to go to some where he likes, a ball game, dinner, a movie, networking event etc.
How, to Ask for affection, from your spouse
Love opens to man the 4th dimensional world. The world of the wondrous, the world of bliss.
Real love is unselfish and free from fear.
It pours itself out on the object of its affection without demanding any return.
It’s joy is in the joy of giving and serving.
If the object of your affection does not return affection, it may be that he grew up in a home where he did not see his father show love to his mother or there was not a man in the home.
So you have to, Ask for affection, if you need it.
Just say “Can I get a hug? The world is so much brighter when I am in your arms.”
In my second marriage my husband and I made a habit of fighting and me sleeping in the spare bedroom.
One of these fights lasted over a month and I was intensely aware of how much I needed a hug or just human touch.
If you are in such a relationship where there is little touch and you need it, ask for affection,
Say “Baby can you hold me for few mins. I am feeling the need for your touch”
Love is God in manifestation and the strongest magnetic force in the universe; so don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and, ask for affection,
It draws itself to its own. Protect your love by giving and receiving affection.
Remember Jealously is the worst enemy of love.
Give a perfect love and you will receive a perfect love.
How to, Ask for Help, or a Hand Up
I know most people have a hard time, ask for help, yet some people always have a hand out.
Practice asking for small things first to get comfortable, asking for help,
For example, practice asking your teacher to help with something you don’t understand.
This question came from Erika by email. Remember you can post your questions on this blog , on my facebook group called Life Coach, or you can email either me or Arifah. My email is [email protected] and Arifah is [email protected].
Erika asks “How do I show a guy that I like him?”
Pay attention to your appearance – show a little skin. I was watching this movie just a few days ago and I learned a few things from a playboy bunny. She said to show skin in 5 areas if you want to catch a man’s attention. Show cleavage, bear arms, legs, belly or mid-section and your derriere.
Show him how you feel with your body language.– I am a romantic movie buff. I love how the director shows that there is interest in his main characters. Always eye contact and a smile. It heats up the screen! Miss Playboy Bunny added lightly touch him. Touch his arms, feel his muscles, brush up against him.
Compliment him.– This one comes so naturally to me. I learned a long time ago to always bless everyone I meet with a compliment. Man or woman.
As we wrap up, I want to thank you for being with us until the end of this broadcast. Please show your support by posting a review on iTunes and subscribing to the podcast. If you have topics you would like Arifah and myself to cover,
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When you develop, Binge Eating Disorder, you aren’t able to fight your desire for food. It’s like an addiction. It IS an addiction. Binge eating, and overeating and how that negatively affects your health until you learn how to reprogram your mind.
My guest today is Dr. Glenn Livingston, author of “Never Binge Again” and our topic is “How to Reprogram Your Mind to stop, binge eating,”
Glenn Livingston PhD, is a veteran psychologist and was the long-time CEO of a multi-million-dollar consulting firm which serviced several fortune 500 clients in the food industry.
Dr. Glenn can you tell us what makes you uniquely qualified to comment on, binge eating disorder?
Well I’m not just a psychologist who wanted to work with people to help them lose weight; I’m a guy who had a very serious, binge eating, problem myself.
I know what’s happening in the addiction treatment field that we’re being told that we’re powerless over the, food addiction, that it’s a disease. Binge eating, is
An irresistible impulse that gets worse over time.
Here is Dr Glenn’s story on how He conquered, Binge Eating,
I discovered a weird thing when I was a youth. I’m 6’4” I’m reasonably muscular and I figured out when I was about 17, that if I worked out for two or three hours a day, I could eat whatever I wanted. So my diet was boxes of muffins, boxes of donuts, boxes of pizza, boxes of chocolate bars. I was eating six, seven, eight thousand calories a day and it was no problem.
Well as you could figure out, I couldn’t continue, binge eating, like that as I got into my 20’s.
When I got to be about 22 or 23, married and in graduate school, I was commuting to school, I had all these responsibilities as a husband. I could barely work out two hours a week, much less two hours a day. But I couldn’t get rid of the cravings for, junk food. I had a, food addiction, and I started getting fatter and fatter. My triglycerides went through the roof, and I had doctors telling me that I was going to die in my 30’s if I didn’t find stop, binge eating .
I eventually figured it wasn’t what I was eating, it was what was eating me.
I had been doing some reading in alternative, food addiction, treatment by a guy named Jack Trimpey. He wrote a book called “Rational Recovery” and he made it clear to me for the first time that the seed of, food addiction, was really the, reptilian brain,.
Binge eating, is looking at food from the reptilian brain doesn’t know love. We’re all we’re all busy trying to love ourselves out of these, food addictions; but the reptilian brain doesn’t know love. The reptilian brain assesses something in the environment and says, do I eat it or do I kill it! There’s no love there, there’s no concern for tribe or family or friends or long-term aspirations or creativity or music or art. There’s none of that. It’s just eat, mate or kill, and when you look at the animal studies you see that is what happens when you short circuit the pleasure system.
You can walk a block in most cities and find a McDonald’s, a Burger King across the street. There’s a fast-food restaurant on every corner these days. So we don’t have physical electrodes in our brain; but there are chemical electrodes and concentrations of pleasure that we weren’t prepared to meet by evolution.
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binge eating disorder
Binge Eating, and what your choice of foods signifies:
My research found was that people who struggled with, binge eating, chocolate was definitely lonely or brokenhearted.
People who struggled with, binge eating, salty crunchy things, tended to be stressed at work people
People who struggled with, binge eating, soft chewy things like bread or bagels or pasta, tended to be stressed at home.
I found out from my mom, the reason I struggled, binge eating, chocolate.
I tell people the best way to stop the, food addiction, and, binge eating, is to is to think of the single worst trigger food or eating behavior that’s getting you in trouble.
Maybe it’s eating in the car, maybe that’s where you do all the damage. Maybe you could create one rule that says: I never eat in the car or maybe it’s a particular food. e.g I can only have salami on Sundays. Maybe it’s about how you eat, maybe it’s more like you need to pause and be more mindful. e.g I’ll always put my fork down between bites.
If there’s something that you know is getting you into trouble, binge eating, start with that one.
Binge Eating and the Reptilian Brain
Don’t worry if making this rule will help you loose weight or not. Unless your doctor says that it’s really urgent that you do, don’t worry about your weight. I just want you to get the hang of the way this mental game is played, because that rule allows you to separate your thoughts from your, reptilian brain.
Come up with a name for your, reptilian brain, I called mine my “pig”
Some people call theirs their food monster or food demon or something like that.
Then you want to listen for those destructive thoughts.
You want to listen for what your inner food demon says is the rationale that you should break the plan with, binge eating, you can do one of two things when you hear it.
You can ignore it, because it doesn’t matter how smart what is saying, it doesn’t matter how logical it sounds, if you know that it’s coming from your food demon, your pig, you now it’s bad. So you might as well ignore it even if it sounds like it’s got a PhD from Harvard!
You could write out what the food demon is saying and you ask yourself where is the lie within it. Where is the logical fallacy within it. For example maybe the food demon says one bite won’t hurt you, or you can start again tomorrow, which is based upon the logical fallacy that you’ll be in the exact same place tomorrow.
Food addiction leads to binge eating
If you reinforce the connection today between that craving and the actual eating of the food then, you’re going to have a stronger craving tomorrow. That means the, food addiction and, binge eating, will be a little worse tomorrow.
One of the ways to attack your craving and, binge eating, is to create a food plan. The food plan would have some things that you always eat, some things you never eat, and some things you eat sometimes.
I always eat five servings of fruit or vegetables.
I drink two whole glasses of water when I get up in the morning.
I will only eat pretzels at major league baseball games.
I only eat bread when I am out at a restaurant.
I never eat after 6 pm.
I never eat pizza.
I never eat more than two squares of chocolate a day.
Conclusion
While other addictions, such as alcohol and drug abuse, are more widely known and understood, food addiction, and, binge eating, isn’t. Hope this blog post and Dr. Glenn Livingston, author of “Never Binge Again” helps.
Never go with your, gut feelings, because what is true is that your gut, intuition, is often going to be lying to you. Just like people who are depressed and anxious feel that there’s something to be said about, gut feelings, when there’s not, and feel there’s a threat when there is not. Instead use counter intuitive strategies to make decisions.
What was your path in becoming a Cognitive Neuroscientist?
I was 18 in 1999 when the Prince song party like it’s 1999 was Hot. A lot of leaders were partying because their companies were going boom they were making a lot of a lot of money. Billions of dollars were invested into the dot.com industry, and just a couple of years later when I was 21 in 2002, they all went bust. The leaders of the dot.com era made terrible decisions. They trusted their, Gut feelings, and went bust! That and the fact I saw my father trust his, gut feelings, and made terrible decisions, made me study to become a Cognitive Neuroscientist.
Leaders who went with their, gut feelings, made bad decisions
A lot of Leaders who went with, gut feelings, went to jail. Their, gut instincts, were way off. Never trust just your, gut feelings. I was curious about what was going on, so I decided to study the neuroscience of the brain and how people think. I became a Trainer, Consultant, and Coach for business leaders.
Cognitive neuroscience, is a subfield of neuroscience that studies the biological processes that underlie human cognition, especially in regards to the relation between brain structures, activity and cognitive functions. The purpose of it is to determine how the brain functions and achieves performance.is the study of how our brain works, how we make decisions and what our patterns of decision-making are. I also studied the specific judgment errors that we make when we make decisions purely from, gut feelings.
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One of the first things I wanted to know because as a, Lifecoach myself, when I sit down in a coaching session, I’m looking for certain things in order for me to understand where my clients are coming from. As a cognitive neuroscientist and behavioral economist, what are you looking for when you were consulting with these business leaders?
Coaching to, Gut Instinct
The first thing I’m looking for is to make sure the person is coachable. A lot of people would like to go to a coach, but they’re not coachable. Meaning that they’re not willing to listen to external feedback and accept that sometimes, someone looking from the outside is going to be wiser than the person looking from the inside and making those, gut feeling, decisions.
I also try to find an issue of disagreement and in the first session, to see how the person reacts to this disagreement. Because if this person’s is not able to deal with this disagreement, then we’re not going to be able to have an effective coaching relationship. Because as a coach I’m going to tell you what I think, and if you can’t accept feedback, we can’t work together and I’d like to discover that as quickly as possible.
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The other thing that I look for at the start of the session is how emotionally aware this person is. That’s the quality of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence refers to two broad skill sets:
emotional awareness – where is this person emotions
and emotional management – how are they able to manage their emotions.
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It is really an important element for me to understand. Do I need to teach this person these skills of emotional intelligence, personal skills, emotional awareness and emotional management? Because in order to make good decisions, instead of going with, gut feelings, we need to realize that our emotions are the overwhelming factor driving our, gut intuition and, gut instinct. Our emotions shape about 80 to 90 percent of our, gut feelings, and decision-making. Going with your, gut feelings, means going with your, gut instinct intuition, and they’re often wrong, so this is a problem.
When my clients notice that there are goals they want to achieve from coaching are at odds with their natural inclinations and natural intuition, they change their natural state. One of the very important aspects of coaching, is to change your natural state of activities otherwise there is no point in coaching.
One key aspect of coaching, is to change from where you are today to where you want to be
I’m looking for that as well how aware is the person of their emotions and how able are they to manage their emotions and, gut feelings.
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Leaders shouldn’t just use gut feelings to make decisions
As a Cognitive Neuroscientist and Behavioral Economist, you had enough data to write a book on disaster avoidance and that’s also name of your company. Does your research indicate that most people who follow their, gut feelings, or, gut instinct, make the wrong decisions?
Yes, overwhelmingly people who just go with their, gut feelings, and make decisions by, gut reaction, as opposed to people who check with their heads before going with their, gut feelings, make the wrong decisions.
Let’s look at small businesses. A lot of small business owners who don’t have training go with their, gut feeling, and open up a business. They feel that they can do this job, I can do this work. I can run this restaurant or this hair salon or I can be a plumber. But when you look at the actual statistics, what happens to small businesses is about half of them fail within the first five years, about two-thirds of them fail within the first ten years; because people make decisions based on, gut feelings. They just go with their, gut instincts, they don’t check with their head before going with their, gut feeling. Never just go with your, gut feelings.
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5 Questions to Ask Before Going with Your Gut Feelings
That business leader this who wants to open up a hair salon needs to learn about these, cognitive biases, the 30 most dangerous ones that she might be suffering from
The Confirmation Bias – where she might be looking for information from, gut feelings, that confirms her beliefs and ignoring information that do not confirm her beliefs.
Objective Adviser – Understanding the failure rate for hair salons. The failure rate for hair salons are a little bit higher than the failure rate for typical small businesses, so the first question to answer is why she would not fail. What makes her so special ? Never go with just, gut feelings.
Get uncomfortable – Look for information that is uncomfortable and that to prove to herself whether this is the right decision or not.
Check for the optimism bias. Business leaders who open up new restaurants, new salon or new small businesses tech startups tend to be very optimistic. They are too optimistic compared to the reality of the situation.
Exit strategy if Business fails – what are all the reasons why it would fail. Was it the wrong location? Management etc?
Additional Resources Never go with Your, Gut Feelings
Nothing in our world exists until we create it. We engage the, Law of Attraction, whenever we dream about something we want.
Everything is first created in the mind before you hold it in your hand. We engage the, laws of the Universe, when we hold desire in our hearts.
How to engage the, Law of Attraction
You can, have it all, anything you desire through visualization and meditation. The, Laws of the Universe, including the, law of attraction, are working for you. You only have to plant in the fertile field of your mind to ,have it all.
Your subconscious mind cannot hold any contradictory mandates. For example if you are using the, Law of Attraction, to manifest a red sports car, but you are thinking that you could never afford such a car, you are cancelling out, the Law of Attraction.
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If you have a belief that you will not be able to, have it all, then your beliefs will block these things from your experience. You will not, have it all. Your belief must be changed first in order to, have it all.
Nothing in our world exists until we create it. We engage the, Law of Attraction, one of the, laws of the Universe, whenever we dream about something we want.
Everything is first created in the mind before you hold it in your hand.
We must first observe or experience it for it to become a reality. Quantum physics, tells us that everything exists in wave form or infinite possibility it is only when we observe it, it becomes form. It does not become form until we observe it by giving it our conscious attention. It is our act of observation that gives everything form.
Consciousness creates our reality. The, Law of Attraction, is a tool we could use to design our life, to have it all.
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This energy is infinite. The brain functions 24 hours until we die, so the, law of Attraction, is always working. Both your conscious thoughts and subconscious thoughts activate, the Law of Attraction.
When the, conscious mind, and the, subconscious mind, are in conflict the subconscious mind always win. So most of the time we are activating the, law of attraction unconsciously.
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For example when an overweight person decides to go on a diet without changing subconscious programming they will continue to overeat and override conscious behaviors.
The conscious mind has a limited memory and most of it is short term.
The subconscious mind has infinite memory for all your experience for your entire life.
The subconscious mind can block out changes in your surroundings so you don’t focus or see changes in your environment. Like driving down a street for months and not seeing a new complex or a new tree.
We have a shortage of attention and fail to notice what is going on around us including obvious changes in our surroundings.
Conscious attention is required to see requested changes from the, Law of Attraction.
Always use the, law of attraction, to focus on what is wanted and not what is unwanted. You can, have it all.
The mind focus on what we place our attention on whether negative or positive so the, law of attraction will bring you whatever you focus on.
All day every day we are placing our attention on something and engaging the, law of attraction.
Concentration on one thing and suppressing all others is the key to controlling your reality and using the, law of attraction, to, have it all.
Controlling your attention and focus is the way to control your reality.
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How to use the Law of Attraction to change your reality
Reevaluate what seems negative by focusing on the good experiences. This trains the mind only to see the positive, it teaches the subconscious to only focus on the positive and thus more positive things will be attracted into your lives through the, law of attraction.
Challenge yourself in your free time. When we go into low energy modes our brain reverts to old programming, so to prevent this schedule things to do that will move the needle to your required destination of, having it all.
Appreciate all the goodness that you see. We can search for happiness in our present situation. Teach the mind what we want from life. The conscious mind is the master and the subconscious mind the gene. When we train the conscious mind to focus on what we want, we can make any changes we want in our lives. What you focus on comes to you by the, law of attraction.
You can, have it all. Is it possible to have: a passionate marriage; a thriving career; a healthy beautiful body; more money than you ever dreamed possible, and enough “down” time to enjoy it – without running yourself ragged? Use the, law of attraction to, have it all.
In her book “The Art of Having It All,” Author, Transformational Leader, and Celebrity Coach, Christy Whitman, share the precise steps she took to create radical turnarounds in the midst of potentially devastating real life situations – including freeing herself from nearly $90,000 of unwanted debt loosing 30 extra pounds, navigating the turbulent waters of divorce, the grief of her sister’s suicide, and the life -threatening illness of her newborn son.
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