Dr. Romie expounds on leveraging, mindfulness techniques, to combat stress, manage a “busy brain,” and promote overall wellness. In today’s world, where stress and burnout have become commonplace, the quest for achieving inner peace seems ever more urgent. Dr. Romie Mushtaq, a board-certified physician merging neurology, integrative medicine, and mindfulness, offers transformative insights into tackling these overwhelming challenges that modern lifestyles impose.
Mindfulness can be a potent tool for, managing stress, and combating the “busy brain” syndrome, characterized by anxiety, focus issues, and insomnia.
Restoring one’s, circadian rhythm, and addressing underlying medical conditions, such as, thyroid disease, can be pivotal in, managing stress, and sleep problems.
An eight-week protocol, as outlined in Dr. Romie Mushtaq book “The Busy Brain Cure,” provides a structured approach to finding focus, managing anxiety, and, improving sleep quality.
Mindfulness Techniques for Busy Brains
The Phenomenon of the Busy Brain
The term “busy brain” reflects a condition that goes beyond the normal plethora of daily thoughts. It refers to a state where an individual’s brain is constantly in overdrive, marked by an inability to focus, heightened anxiety, and persistent sleep disturbances. As Dr. Romie explains, a, busy brain, is not merely about having many thoughts, but primarily about the uncontrolled and intrusive nature of these thoughts. Particularly negative ones, that people struggle to manage.
“A busy brain is you have a pattern of inflammation in your brain that’s causing these three symptoms. […] difficulty focusing, feeling anxious, and insomnia.”
By understanding that a, busy brain, is a condition amplified by, chronic stress, and inflamed neurological pathways, the first step towards managing it lies in recognizing its symptoms and impact on our daily functions.
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Mindfulness Techniques: Sound healing
Incorporating, sound healing, as one of the, mindfulness techniques, that serves as a gateway to mindfulness for those who find sitting in silence daunting. Dr. Romie underscores the significance of, sound healing, in aiding cognitive focus and emotional regulation. Drawing upon its ancient roots and scientific validation. The use of, binaural beats, and certain frequencies of music can bring one’s brain back into focus.
“The idea was, to use binaural beat sound healing, where you’re using headphones to listen to a certain frequency of music, and that can actually help bring your brain back into focus.”
The practice presents a dynamic and accessible approach to mindfulness. Catering to the modern individual’s need for immediate and tangible relief from the incessant chatter of a, busy brain.
Addressing Sleep Patterns and Underlying Health Issues
Correcting sleep patterns is crucial for managing a, busy brain. Dr. Romie prescribes a seven-day sleep challenge based on, cognitive-behavioral therapy, for insomnia that addresses lifestyle habits disrupting our natural, sleep cycle. She also highlights the importance of investigating and treating underlying health issues, such as thyroid disease, which are often overlooked.
“We ask people to actually abstain from alcohol for two to three weeks, because that will wake you up in the middle of the night and prevent you from going to deeper stages of sleep.”
By combining adjustments in sleep hygiene with medical scrutiny, people can considerably reduce the symptoms of a, busy brain, and lay the foundation for improved, mindfulness techniques.
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Cultivating a Culture of Wellness through Mindfulness Techniques
The Integration of Mindfulness in Corporate America
Dr. Romie stresses that, chronic stress, is not just an individual issue but a systemic one that requires organizational change. Her work in corporate America, educating Fortune 500 companies and scaling mindfulness programs, denotes a significant shift in how businesses address employee wellness.
“What if I got real and really thinking about your audience and what your podcast focused on is I had the wrong mindset on what success was. […] We can’t expect the workforce to be like this.”
Through promoting, mindfulness techniques, and creating programs tailored to the corporate environment, Dr. Romie is challenging long-established beliefs about success and productivity that have often come at the expense of mental well-being.
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Personal Narratives and Finding Common Ground
The concept of renting success from one’s well-being resonates with many, and the narratives shared in “The Busy Brain Cure” offer diverse perspectives, helping readers identify with the issues at hand. Such personal stories are vital in breaking down the stigma attached to stress and mental health struggles in professional circles.
“I remember knowing what it was like to walk those hospital corridors in this really dark place. We didn’t have terms of mental health crisis or burnout back then, and I felt so alone.”
Dr. Romie’s openness about her journey paves the way for a more empathetic understanding of, stress management. It invites individuals and organizations to take a more humane approach to performance and success.
The Busy Brain Cure: An Empowering Protocol for Mental Health
The “Shift” Protocol: Structured and Holistic Approach to Healing
Dr. Romie’s book introduces readers to the “Shift” protocol, which holistically addresses Sleep, Hormones, Inflammation, Food as Fuel, and Technology’s role in our lives. By following these carefully outlined steps, individuals can embark on a transformative journey that promises relief from the mental chaos that afflicts so many.
“We walk you through the eight-week protocol, little brain shifts or micro habits to do to heal these key five areas that will help you heal.”
This guided structure empowers readers to take actionable steps towards reclaiming control of their mental and emotional well-being.
By recounting the efficacy of incorporating mindfulness into, stress management, practices and underlining the importance of addressing sleep and medical issues, Dr. Romie Mushtaq delivers a powerful message about the capabilities of introspective healing. Bolstered by the launch of her book, “The Busy Brain Cure,” she offers a comprehensive plan to mitigate the, busy brain, phenomenon—a strategy that promises not just immediate relief but a sustained journey towards a mindful and balanced life. With her professional insight and personal passion, Dr. Romie exemplifies the transformational impact of blending traditional wisdom with contemporary science, providing hope and practical solutions to those navigating the turbulent realities of our time.
Millions of people suffer from at least one of the, compulsive behaviors, Compulsive shopping, Compulsive eating, Hoarding, Compulsive sexual behavior.
—often, even when the individual wishes they could stop—despite the fact that the act triggers negative outcomes, leads to interpersonal conflicts, or damages mental health.
Listen to full interview here:
Introduction to Compulsive Behaviors
Common activities that can develop into compulsions include, compulsive shopping, hoarding, eating, gambling, sex, and exercise. Though some behaviors are easier to over-indulge in than others, in reality, nearly any behavior has the potential of becoming a, compulsive behavior. Some people even talk compulsively, for instance.
There are also obsessive compulsive disorder, in which a compulsive person performs certain behaviors to relieve underlying anxiety or other negative emotions. A well-known example is a person who checks and rechecks everything—if the stove is turned off, for instance, or if the door is locked.
These behaviors rarely decrease anxiety in the long run; in most cases, they only provide temporary relief. In extreme cases, compulsive behaviors start to take over the person’s work, home, and social life, at the expense of normal activities.
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How are Compulsive Behaviors and addictions connected?
Compulsive behaviors, have a genetic effect and are often seen in identical twins. I know 17 year old identical twin girls who came into the foster care system at 4 years old and have had trauma. I attributed their, compulsive behaviors, to genes from their biological parents and environment from their early years in foster care. They started, compulsive behaviors, like stealing from about 5 years old, as they grew older that transformed into, compulsive shoplifting, then they started running away and couldn’t stop, now they are compulsively, hoarding.
Compulsion behaviors, often arise after stressful events, trauma, or abuse as we have seen in our study of addictions. When people engage in, compulsive behaviors, they become trapped in a pattern of repetitive actions or senseless thinking from which it can be difficult to break free.
Treatment is often key for overcoming, compulsive behaviors.
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How does normal behavior turn into, Compulsive Behaviors?
As far as the brain is concerned our rewards are reward important, so regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience and you know that there’s a
reward and people who indulge in , compulsive behaviors, like gambling, eating, sex, and shopping, become trapped in the reward system of dopamine.
Types of Compulsive Behaviors
Compulsive behaviors, come in many forms, all of which can be quite debilitating or even dangerous.
Hoarding, for instance, are those who are unable to part with even the most worthless possessions. Many hoarders find the act of purging so distressful that they live under extremely crowded and potentially harmful conditions.
Compulsive shopping,
Compulsive eating
Over exercising
Hoarding
Compulsive cleaning
Compulsive Hoarding, is a psychiatric disorder which involves the accumulation of personal possessions to the point at which these accumulations interfere with your quality of life to a significant degree. The acquisition of “things” and failure to throw away unneeded objects can result in only mild symptoms of a cluttered home to a home which is too unsanitary for healthy living. At the current time, it’s thought that between two and six percent of the population is living with some degree of hoarding disorder.
Compulsively taking selfies and posting on social media
Compulsive sexual behavior or sexual addiction
What negative triggers enable Compulsive Behaviors like Hoarding.
The brain tricks us into thinking that we need the reward so we perform the, compulsive behavior, to re up the Dopamine
I know that as humans we move towards pleasure and away from pain. In my role as parent with kids who have, compulsive behaviors. These behaviors are cemented because they engage the reward centers of the brain.
How does one break that reward system for, Compulsive Behaviors?
Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.
“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges. With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection. Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations. Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.
Sex Addiction Treatment
Let’s look at, compulsive sexual behavior, or sexual addiction. Sexual addiction, is represented by, compulsive behavior, in commonly available sexual practices, such as
Attending strip clubs,
Compulsive masturbation,
Paying for sex through prostitution,
Excessive use of pornography,
and repeated engagement in extramarital affairs.
Compulsive sexual behavior, otherwise known as sexual addiction, is an emerging psychiatric disorder that has significant medical and psychiatric consequences. Until recently, very little empirical data existed to explain the biological, psychological, and social risk factors that contribute to this condition. In addition, clinical issues, such as the natural course and best practices on treating sexual addictions, have not been formalized. Despite this absence, the number of patients and communities requesting assistance with this problem remains significant. This article will review the clinical features of compulsive sexual behavior and will summarize the current evidence for psychological and pharmacological treatment.
Dr Ahia What forms of, Sex Addiction Treatment, would you administer to someone suffering from, compulsive sexual addiction?
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How would you treat a youth that had the compulsion for taking selfies or even shoplifting?
So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?
Here is one woman’s story af adult adhd
I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD. One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.
I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.
The two inattentive men, naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.
Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.
I’m curious about, Adult ADHD symptoms. Does kids with, ADHD, become adults with, adult ADHD?
For clarity let’s make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD. Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD, is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it’s important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they’re seeing the adult exhibit. Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.
Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?
Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.
What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?
When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use. It gives you clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed. There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.
Inattention
Impulse Control
Hyperactivity
We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don’t have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium. Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.
ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.
Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.
Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
Basal Ganglia. …
Reticular Activating System.
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To test for, adult ADHD, one has to look at the functions of the brain. The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected in ADHD. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.
The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement. The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system. It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.
Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?
No, not at all. I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass. I would love to see his research.
Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?
Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals. I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.
if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.
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One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness
Dr. Virginia “Ginger” Campbell, a physician, author, and science communicator, discusses the unconscious brain. In this episode she explains that up to 95% of the brain is unconscious, meaning that most of our brain processes are not accessible to our conscious awareness. Dr. Campbell emphasizes the importance of understanding the, unconscious brain, and it’s origins of certainty and how memory is unreliable. She also highlights the role of the body in creating our experiences and how this knowledge can make us more tolerant. Dr. Campbell’s goal is to make neuroscience accessible to all.
Welcome back to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio podcast and television show. I’m your host, Life Coach Myrna Young, and today we have a special guest in the studio, Dr. Virginia Campbell, also known as Ginger. Dr. Campbell is an author, physician, and science communicator, specializing in neuroscience. We will be diving into the fascinating topic of the unconscious and intricate workings of the brain. Welcome, Dr. Campbell!
Dr. Campbell: Thank you, Myrna. I’m excited to be here.
Myrna: We are going to have a great conversation on neuroscience and the brain, a topic that I absolutely love. The brain controls everything in our body, and understanding how it works is crucial. Dr. Campbell, could you start by explaining what you mean when you say that 95% of the brain is unconscious?
Dr. Campbell: Certainly, Myrna. When I say that 95% of the brain is unconscious, I’m referring to the fact that most of the processes of the brain are not accessible to our conscious awareness. For example, we are not aware of how our brain processes vision. Even when we know that an illusion is not real, we still see it because the processing is happening at an unconscious level. This unconscious processing is essential for many of the sophisticated processes we associate with being human.
Myrna: That’s fascinating. So, why does this matter in our everyday lives?
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The Unconscious brain: 95% of the brain process is unconscious
Dr. Campbell: Well, let’s take reading as an example. The first stage of learning how to read is decoding, which happens automatically and unconsciously. If we couldn’t learn to decode automatically, reading would be a much more challenging task. The, unconscious brain, processing of the brain allows us to perform complex tasks without having to consciously think about every step. It’s what makes us efficient and capable beings.
Myrna: That makes sense. So, it’s like our brain is constantly working behind the scenes, allowing us to navigate the world without having to consciously process every little detail.
Dr. Campbell: Exactly. Our brain is constantly processing information and making decisions without us even realizing it. It’s like having a personal assistant who takes care of all the background work, allowing us to focus on the things that require our conscious attention.
Myrna: That’s incredible. Now, let’s talk about memory. In your work, you mention that everyone’s memory is unreliable. Can you explain what you mean by that?
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Dr. Campbell: Certainly. Memory is not like a video camera that records and stores every detail of our experiences. Every time we recall a memory, our brain recreates it, and during this process, it can introduce new information or distort the original memory. This means that our memories are not always accurate representations of what actually happened. It’s important to understand that memory is not a perfect record of our past, but rather a reconstruction influenced by various factors.
Myrna: That’s mind-boggling. So, even though we remember something vividly, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it happened exactly as we remember it?
Dr. Campbell: That’s correct. Our memories can be influenced by our emotions, beliefs, and even external suggestions. It’s not uncommon for two people to remember the same event differently. This is why it’s crucial to approach memory with caution and not rely solely on our recollections when making judgments or accusations.
Myrna: That’s a powerful insight. It reminds me of the saying, “There are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth.” Our memories are subjective and can be influenced by various factors.
Dr. Campbell: Absolutely. It’s essential to approach memory with humility and recognize that our recollections may not always be accurate. This understanding can lead to more tolerance and open-mindedness in our interactions with others.
Understanding the unconscious brain makes us more tolerant
Myrna: That brings me to my next question. You mentioned that understanding the brain makes us more tolerant. How does that connection work?
Dr. Campbell: The connection between understanding the brain and tolerance lies in the realization that certainty has unconscious origins. Our brain creates a feeling of certainty, even when we may be wrong. This feeling of certainty can lead to rigid beliefs and a lack of openness to other perspectives. However, when we understand that our certainty is not always based on objective truth, we can become more tolerant of differing opinions and be open to considering alternative viewpoints.
Myrna: That’s a powerful insight. So, by recognizing that our certainty is not infallible, we can cultivate a sense of humility and empathy towards others who may hold different beliefs or perspectives.
Dr. Campbell: Exactly. It’s about recognizing the limitations of our own certainty and being open to the possibility that we may be wrong. This can lead to more constructive conversations and a greater appreciation for the diversity of human experiences.
Book Are You Sure Unconscious Origins of Certainty
Dr. Campbell: My inspiration for writing this book came from the work of Robert Burton, whose research on certainty and the unconscious mind deeply resonated with me. I wanted to share these ideas with a broader audience and make neuroscience accessible to people from all backgrounds. The book explores the unconscious origins of certainty and delves into the fascinating world of the brain and how it shapes our experiences.
Myrna: That sounds fascinating. What do you hope readers will take away from your book?
Dr. Campbell: My ultimate goal is to expand people’s understanding of the brain and its influence on our lives. I want readers to recognize the fallibility of memory, the power of unconscious processes, and the importance of tolerance and open-mindedness. By gaining a deeper understanding of the brain, we can navigate the complexities of life with more compassion and empathy.
Myrna: That’s a powerful message. Thank you, Dr. Campbell, for sharing your insights and expertise with us today. It has been a pleasure having you on the show.
Dr. Campbell: Thank you, Myrna. It was my pleasure to be here.
Conclusion
In conclusion, our conversation with Dr. Virginia Campbell has shed light on the unconscious and intricate workings of the brain. We have learned that the majority of our brain’s processes are unconscious, allowing us to perform complex tasks effortlessly. Memory, too, is not a perfect record of our past, but a reconstruction influenced by various factors. Understanding the fallibility of memory can lead to more tolerance and open-mindedness in our interactions with others. Dr. Campbell’s book, “Are You Sure: The Unconscious Origins of Certainty,” delves deeper into these topics, providing readers with a greater understanding of the brain and its impact on our lives. By embracing the complexities of the brain, we can cultivate empathy, compassion, and a deeper appreciation for the diversity of human experiences. The journey of understanding our brain is ongoing, and it holds the potential to transform our lives and the world around us.
Tanya Cole-Lesnick, psychotherapist share the transformative power of, group therapy, and why there is, strength in numbers. She delves into the profound impact of, group therapy, in fostering personal growth and transformation. In this post Tanya shares how the power of collective support and shared experiences as individuals come together to navigate life’s challenges, heal emotional wounds, and help others embark on a journey of self discovery. This podcast offers a compelling exploration of the transformative dynamics found within the context of, group therapy.
Tanya Cole Lesnick has been a psychotherapist which is a licensed clinical social worker and coach since 1995. She received her master’s degree in social work from New York University after, group therapy, changed her life. She has extensive experience in outpatient hospital mental health, private practice and Wellness from those experiences. Over the years she has identified her most important focus helping people to live lives that light them up.
She does this by helping clients to access and honor their truth, change habits that do not serve them and to heal faulty narratives so they are living in alignment inside and out. Her work result revolves around intimate groups as she shares the inner words and being human together in a safe space is what she finds to be the most powerful way to transform Our Lives.
Myrna: In your bio Tanya you said that, group therapy, changed your life can you share that experience with us because I’m curious.
Tanya: I actually started my career out as a graphic designer and in those early days, I was very much longing for a, long-term love relationship, and I was struggling to find a partner and relationships were not lasting. I didn’t really understand what was in the way for me. The idea of therapy came to me but I felt a lot of stigma associated with therapy.
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I also was very dismissive of my issues and thinking well that was aren’t legitimate enough for me to explore therapy. But as time went on and my longing continued and the pattern wasn’t changing, I decided I didn’t really care if I was the right candidate or not I wanted something to change. I started therapy with this wonderful woman named Bonnie and right away that experience was very healing.
I felt like I could tell her what was going on. I did not feel judged by her, it felt emotionally safe to share my story and so that part was great. But very early on she suggested that I add, group therapy, and the thought of it was very terrifying, because I was much more vulnerable with her than I really ever had been. So the idea of sharing some of that stuff with people who at that time were strangers to me scared me.
But I was building some trust in Bonnie and she thought it was going to be helpful and I was sort of intrigued, so I said yes and started that process. It was really a combination of the two being in a group situation and then processing some of what came up for me separately with Bonnie and then going back to the group, where I was able to grow in lots of ways.
Number one, the reason why I thought maybe I wasn’t able to have a long-term love relationship might have been because I wasn’t lovable that was what my own brain was explaining to me. Maybe I was unlovable, maybe that was what the problem was, so by going into this group therapy, I was able to get to know people that I really admired and learn about their insecurities that were so similar to my insecurities.
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Group therapy helped me peel all all the false messaging
I was able to kind of peel away some of those messages that were just not true and got more comfortable in my own skin and developed some confidence became more embodied, because I think while I was trying to meet somebody. I kept curating the version of myself that I was going to show up at and trying to decide what somebody else was going to like rather than showing up fully as myself, because that didn’t feel so safe.
And so all of that stuff happened. I did meet a man who became my husband pretty early on and he and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. We’ve got two grown amazing daughters so that life that I loved or happened and fairly quickly, but the part that I didn’t anticipate was how much I was going to connect to myself, how meaningful that Journey was going to be for me and how much more satisfied with my life I became.
As I started to have a better relationship with myself, that’s when I decided to go back to school and become a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist and coach and have been dedicating my life to helping other people have transformations of their own.
Myrna: Wow that is a very good story and it’s almost original because you’re right you know I’ve not heard anybody go into therapy because they’re looking for a life partner, it’s usually going into therapy because of some kind of trauma or addiction or something you know whether it’s, group therapy, or not. So it’s amazing that you did and so which is what makes us the spin on this conversation so unique. I absolutely love that and I have some circle backs.
One is that what I know, group therapy, is what I’ve seen in the movies and what use the reason like you know they have the when you go into therapy and you say you know my name is Myrna and I’m an addict or whatever the reason that they do that there is because everybody there is an addict and everybody there can identify and you can share your space.
And I and I think they do that for the same reason that you said there’s commonality, you feel that you’re not alone. But what I don’t understand you know maybe we can unpack a little bit so you felt that you weren’t able to have a permanent relationship because you’re unlovable and when you went into therapy you were able to realize that message wasn’t true.
So if I’m thinking of me, I’m putting myself, if I think that I’m not lovable and I go into therapy and I see someone else that thinks that she’s not lovable how is that going to change me? How is that going to transform me?
Tanya: These relationships happen over time, this particular group was every week, so week to week we might have different layers to very similar conversations. So if I’m watching somebody else who is talking about feeling unlovable and I can see how untrue it is, it opens up a little bit of possibility in my own mind that could be the case for me too.
If I can see how lovable she is and she can’t see it for herself, maybe it’s not that I’m unlovable, It’s just I’m struggling to see it for myself which are very different things. So that was part of it. I think sharing more of my honest self with people and having people respond to that in such positive ways, I think helped me.
Also see that my inner world wasn’t so off-putting. I thought it was, and so I would take a little more risk a little more risk as the relationships within, group therapy, grew. Everybody would share a little bit more and there was a very like in real time opening up that either happened or didn’t. Some, group sessions, we maybe stayed a little bit more on the surface, other group sessions maybe we went a little bit deeper depending on sort of what got brought into the room and how we all responded to it; but the cumulative impact was really touching on these very deep places.
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Group therapy allowed me to touch deep places
In these deep places that was not typically happening in my life outside of group or or most of us we don’t typically go into such a deep place.
As I practiced in, group therapy, It felt safer for me to start doing some of that outside in the world. This allowed me to meet my husband very quickly because I started to show up differently.
Myrna: Why you think people fear, group therapy? I think you probably kind of hit the nail on the head earlier that people don’t like to tell how they’re really feeling, even in, group therapy, in a relationship. They always want to out on a mask. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the reasons. So why do you think people fear, group therapy?
Tanya: I think it’s the vulnerability piece. I think it’s what we are working on when we go into either a therapy or a, group therapy, situation ,we want to improve some things that aren’t going well for us. So to be honest about what’s not going well for us, I think does feel very vulnerable and there’s real fear about how we’re going to be received if people hear how badly we’re struggling with something.
Myrna: In your experience what helps clients move forward towards the changes they long for and what keeps them stuck?
The transformation starts when we recognize what we’re each bringing into adulthood, what are our, limiting beliefs. First off getting curious and checking in and recognizing where you’ve got messaging that’s not serving you and then starting to make some changes which can bring up some emotions. When we start to challenge some of this old beliefs, we start, getting unstuck.
Myrna: How do they go from being clear about what they want in life and starting, group therapy, or even regular therapy?
Tanya: The first step I think starting to recognize the pain points can be really helpful, so it can be something like when are you agreeing to things that you’re dreading that you don’t want to be doing that you notice like emotions coming up that are really negative connected to that. Or you are getting depleted, feeling resentful because you’ve said yes to things you don’t want to be doing.
Our energy actually gets maximized when we’re living in alignment and we’re not stuck in our heads weighing everything out assessing things, ruminating about things.
Myrna: Let’s say that you go into, group therapy, and they’re saying Tanya do you have something to share, and you’re sitting there and you’re thinking of all the things that goes on in your mind. The messages in your mind. And you tell yourself, I am not going to share nothing because they are going to think badly of me. When do you decide to take the risk and share with the group?
Tanya: We take a risk like that in therapeutic environments all the time so for me it’s not unusual to see it, but what I see in groups and I run little Retreats as well. I see people taking those kinds of emotional risks with each other where they’ll share something they feel maybe some shame about and feel uncomfortable to share, when I see people do that, I’m always sort of celebrating them.
The connections that happen when people feel permission to share is enormous. Taking that chance and giving themselves permission is great. Someone else listening then says to themselves if they can do it, then I can do it too. Those relationships in the groups that get formed are a special kind of communication that happens from this inner place that’s so beautiful to watch.
Myrna: I absolutely absolutely agree, because a lot of times when people are depressed they don’t want to talk, they don’t want to talk to anybody they hold it all in and therapy is talking, which is why talk therapy has become so popular. In, group therapy, what you’re doing is seeing that there’s other people that feel the same way and then you don’t feel so badly about yourself.
Tell us about your work with groups and how you help your clients and how listeners can connect with you and be a part of your work and your group.
Tanya: I run a coaching group program called Activate where people get a combination of group sessions with a few individual sessions; so that people can focus on identifying what it is that they want to work on and bring that to group. It’s a six-month commitment and then sort of Midway through we assess what’s shifting, where are they and continuing to adjust goals along the way; so people continue to clear whatever’s in the way for them energetically and start to focus on building the lives that they really want to be living.
I do that group coaching program and do some small Retreats as well, because all my work is virtual except for The Retreat, so that’s just a more intensive weekend when people can really check in and do some of the work that we do in group, but a little bit more intensively. I have one coming in New York in October so not you know a number of months away we just did one in April which was amazing and so anybody that’s interested in working with me in any way.
I offer a free Discovery session that somebody can schedule themselves right on my website and it’s 20 minutes to chat about whatever they might be thinking. My website is www.clearenergeticclutter.com
I think the thing that I often say at the very end is just to remind people number one to be kind to yourself This is a tricky process and I know that people have a tendency to get frustrated with themselves especially if you start to recognize patterns you’re not thrilled about that you want to change it takes some time and energy to change some of these patterns so to be kind to yourself and allow yourself some quiet and some space to get in the habit of connecting to yourself. Those are the two things that I hope people really hold on to in this process.
That’s good advice To know yourself is to grow yourself so you got to know yourself. I got an aha moment almost from my first question why was, group therapy, different from regular therapy and you answered that right away and that was my aha moment and. I get it, I understand it so yes it was a good conversation. Thank you Tanya for being on the show and for illuminating our our awareness of, group therapy.
If you’re listening to this and iTunes we’d love for you to rate and review if you’re listening on YouTube would love for you to subscribe. Until next time namaste
If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar disorder, it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time. In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.
Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.
I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn’t know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn’t know anything was wrong.
Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.
I just thought it was normal to want to die.
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What is, Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.
The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married. You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic; being in the middle is where you want to be.
I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don’t have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.
They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn’t know, if my family didn’t know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That’s why I became a, mental health advocate.
I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn’t be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.
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Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.
All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.
For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.
In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.
I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.
I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.
The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.
Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that’s when you meet the girl, that’s when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.
Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly
Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.
In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.
If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it’s simple.
It’s much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?
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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?
Biological traits
Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.
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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar
Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years. He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.
That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.
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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.
The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,
It’s almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don’t just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.
Being, abandoned, by a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment. It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient. In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.
Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.
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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:
Devalued and rejected by others
Abandoned, by our parents
Feelings of, not good enough, because we have lack.
When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same. There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.
Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.
Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry. With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.
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Abandoned, by Love
Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again. This pattern is repeated often.
Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.
It takes work to heal your cracks. The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.
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Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:
Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind. You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.
In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.
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How the, Abandonment, wound plays out in relationships:
Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
Overreacting to conflict
Becoming a pleaser
Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.
An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.
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Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase. He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. We must heal our, brokenness if we are going to hold love, self-esteem, self-worth, or confidence.
Certified Life coach, Myrna Young and registered social worker, Arifah Yusaf discuss, How to Heal your Brokenness,
The LORD is near to the, broken hearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
In this blog and podcast here are some of the mental health topics we will be discussing every week. We want to discuss real life issues and struggles of the, minority woman:
My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase. He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. That means that if you are, broken hearted,
you cannot hold love,
you cannot hold appreciation,
you cannot hold compliments,
you are incapable of receiving and holding anything.
So it is very important for us to find our cracks and mend them. As, minority women, most of us have experienced some, brokenness, in our lives.
Here are the top 3 reasons for, Brokenness:
Devalued and rejected by others
Abandoned by our parents
Feelings of not being good enough because we have lack.
How do we Heal, brokenness?
I know in our practice of social work and in psychology, a lot of clinical professionals, look at the research study around ACES which is our first childhood experiences.
That study basically states that childhood experiences before the age of 18, whether that be witnessing abuse or being abused themselves, living in poverty or just going through traumatic events; Those experiences impact their, brokenness, as they grow up into adulthood. It may impact how they maneuver through success or how they view themselves as failures.
These experience are also linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential and even early death.
Myrna Young, Life Coach, I agree that risky behaviors from, brokenness, usually means an absence of self-love and that can definitely lead to early death.
I am going to niche down in our conversation today to address women of color and, minority women, because that’s who we are.
As women we can be, broken, both in our childhood and by narcissistic men in our adult lives, who have rejected us or devalued us.
Our, brokenness, becomes compared with the, broken hearted. Also when we experience, brokenness, as children those experiences can leads us to get into unhealthy relationships. Healing our, brokenness, prevents us from repeating this pattern of unhealthy relationships that would leave us, broken hearted.
It takes work to heal our cracks. The first step in coaching is to identify how you became, broken, and then replace your subconscious programming with a new program similar to writing over a CD disk.
Trust outside eyes. Have close trusted friends to tell you what they see. This can also be a, life coach, who can uncover your blind spots.
Allow love to mold you like the potter molds clay.
Pray and meditate on the fruits of the spirit, peace, joy, love
Here is a story on, How we become broken, and the process of healing.
Arifah – In my years of practice, I obviously had a lot of opportunities to engage young people who have expressed feeling, broken, based on their lived experiences or their adverse childhood experiences. As we talked about earlier in the segment, those experiences impact how they view themselves, how they show up in relationships, in their place within society or their environments.
I recall speaking with this young woman who shared witnessing domestic abuse at home. She actually found her mother’s body when she came home from school one day. She was then placed into the foster care system. At 18 years old having nowhere to go, she was placed into a shelter. I remember her telling me that she really struggled with her identity and her self-esteem. She harbored resentment towards her family because nobody had come to claim her in Foster care which magnified her, brokenness.
In her late teens she became pregnant and wanted to connect with her family; because she was starting to feel isolated and she wanted her child to know more about her family history. But she faced rejection once more. She decided that it was all up to her, to make a difference in her child’s life.
She then stared setting small goals for herself and accomplishing them. That started building her self-esteem until she recovered from her, brokenness. She became more engaged in her community and connected with other single mothers. She stopped blaming others or comparing herself to others and continued her healing process.
She decided to develop a plan with a network of positive healthy people. Eventually she stopped defining herself as, broken, because she realized that she really could make a difference in the life of her child. It was all up to her, no one else. Like the analogy of the broken vase, she couldn’t hold self-esteem, or self-worth, as a broken vessel, everything leaked out. When she became whole everything stayed in. That is, how to heal your brokenness,
My purpose in writing this book was to share with my readers the power of intention as the energy in my life. This book is my testimony on how I overcame my, brokenness.
All my life I have been called lucky; but there is no such thing as luck just positive energy and preparation.
As women we sometimes fail because we are always working; but not On their lives. We instead work in our lives. To succeed your commitment to your own personal growth must parallel your commitment to building remarkable lives for yourself and your children.
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So What is, self- confidence? How do we define, self- confidence, and what does it look like?
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
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In Today’s #podcast Arifah and I are talking on the topic of How to build, Self-confidence, we want to shed some light on one of the top struggles of , African American women, self-confidence,
In the co-host chair today is registered, social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf.
What is Self-Confidence?
The most important thing to remember about, self- confidence, is that we were born with it. It is our natural state.
How many of you remember your play days as kids? As a child I was always the doctor or teacher.
Boys have no fear. They would climb to the tallest point in their home, put on a cape and jump! They were Superman!
So I would define, self- confidence, as certainty. Confident and certain that you are able to handle your job, your family, social events and personal relationships.
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
But a large percentage of, African American women, and men suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, because of negative input from parents, peers, and loved ones.
Usually centered on their intellect, the color of their skin, their hair, their lips, their butt, the section of town they live, their lack of designer clothing, and the list goes on.
It is important to note that lack of, self-confidence, always comes from negative comments that you believe. If you don’t let these negative comments in, they will never take root and grow.
Here is a story showcasing how a lack of, self-confidence, usually starts.
A surgeon opened his office one day and found a tall black man in the waiting room. He was six feet four inches tall and towered over the surgeon. He complained about his lip. You see his underlip protruded out from his top lip. His girlfriend told him she was ashamed to be seen in public with him because of his ugly lip; so he came to the surgeon to get it fixed.
The surgeon told him there was nothing wrong with his lip, it was just a minor protrusion. The black man insisted on getting it fixed; so the surgeon gave him an outrageous price of $1200 hoping he would go away.
He did, he said that he didn’t have that kind of money. But lo and behold, he came back the next day with a little black bag in his hand. He dumped the contents on the table. Bills poured out, his life savings; $1200 worth!
The doctor was shocked. He didn’t want to deprive the man of his life savings so he made him an offer. He agreed to do the surgery for a smaller fee on the condition that he tell his lady love that he paid $1200 for the surgery.
The operation was simple enough and one week later all the bandages came off and the man had a smaller lip he was proud of. All the surgery was done inside the lip so he had no visible scars except for a small scar inside the lip. The man was happy, he strode from the doctor’s office full of, self-confidence, A commanding figure. Tall, black and proud.
However a few weeks later he was back in the surgeon’s office. His body seemed to have shrunk, his hands lost their strength, his voice squeaked. The doctor asked him what happened to him.
He said “the African Bug, sir. It got me and it’s killing me”
He told the doctor after he removed the bandages he went to see his lady love. She loved his lip and asked him how much he paid for the surgery. When he told her $1200, she became enraged and cursed him saying she could have used that $1200 and accused him of hiding the money from her. She cursed him and told him he would die.
Deeply troubled and hurt, the man laid in his bed for 4 days worrying about this curse that was going to kill him. Then running his tongue around, he discovered the horrible thing inside his mouth. He went to see a medical doctor who checked his mouth and confirmed that “the slimy African bug was stuck inside his mouth and it was indeed killing him.
The surgeon looked at this diminished and fearful man and asked him “Is it really in your mouth?”
“Yes sir,” the man said “the doctor tried to help get rid of it with liquids, pastes and potions – but nothing worked. The curse is too strong”. It’s burned inside my lip.
“Your lip?”
“Yes sir” the man said
“You didn’t say lip before”
The doctor ran his finger at the back of the man’s lip and told the disbelieving man that “the bug” was no more than scar tissue from his surgery.
The disbelieving man looked up in wonder and asked “then there is no African bug?”
The man stood up. Instantly he seemed to have regained his full height and strength. A rich smile spread over his face and his voice boomed out again. His, self-confidence, had returned.
The moral of this story is that you can’t get your, self-confidence, from other people. You have to take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and deal with them on your own terms.
Let’s bring Arifah into this, self-confidence, conversation. Arifah is a, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health issues. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.
Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.
Arifah I am sure that a large population of your clients suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, Why do you think that is?
I think there are many reasons young people lack, self-confidence, I often work with young people who experienced unhappy childhoods or maybe their parents neglected them in some way or they weren’t involved much in their lives.
Also I’d say lack of, self -confidence, sometimes comes from negative input from teachers or authority figures in their lives. Sometimes teachers have a way of saying things that discourage young people. Making them feel inadequate made and like they couldn’t be successful. That kind of influenced how they feel about themselves and their, self-confidence, I’d also say young people who have experienced trauma or bullying from their peers can obviously influence their, self-confidence,
I believe that when young people don’t value themselves and sometimes that comes from people not validating them, they often lack, self-confidence,
How to Build Your Self-Confidence through Courageous acts
As a, life coach, I believe that Courage is a byproduct of, self confidence,
It takes courage to walk up on stage and speak to an audience large or small.
It takes courage to call that guy you like and ask him out.
It takes courage to go into that interview even though you have no idea what you are going to say.
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So how do you make yourself, Face the Fear, but do it anyway?
Tell yourself that it is not going to kill you.
My grandmother used to say “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
And that’s exactly what, Feeling the fear but doing it anyway does for you. It makes you stronger, it builds your, self-confidence, muscle because even if you bombed you got practice and practice also makes perfect!
Here are my steps to build your, self-confidence, muscle on public speaking or doing a presentation at work.
You can start by writing out your speech word for word and just read it
Then as you get more, self- confidence, and your brain recorded that you did not die, you weren’t booed off the stage, nobody laughed at you.
So the next step is to write out the headlines and speak from the heart on your headlines
Sooner or later you will have, self- confidence, muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tony Robbins and command the attention of the audience.
Arifah What are your steps to building the, self-confidence, muscle?
I find that it wasn’t only their, self-confidence muscle, that needed to be built up, it was their self-worth, it was a whole bunch of things there was all built into the one thing. If we were to put a label on it, it would be that we’re not enough.
You would not believe how many people feel that they are not enough; even the most successful
people like, Michelle Obama, in her book “Becoming Michelle Obama” felt that she wasn’t good enough. Why did she feel that way? Because she was black and from the south side of Chicago!
As, African American women, we have got a lot of things that we have to deal with, we just have to believe that we are all born with purpose and with the love of God.
I have seven steps that I use to help my clients gain, self-confidence:
Self-reflection – every time I meet with them, I allow them to self-reflect on their day self-reflect on things that were happening in their lives with gratitude.
Acknowledgement and self-acceptance – what makes them unique because everybody is unique.
Positive reinforcement – praising their effort and not obsessing over mistakes.
Mastering a skill – I had the girls work on a project. They created their own YouTube video. Everyone mastered a skill in the production of the video.
Communication skills – I do a lot of exercises around different forms of communication. Assertiveness, passive, passive aggressive etc.
Positive self-talk and affirmations – paying attention to their internal dialogue
Pay it forward – giving back helps build, self-confidence,
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In this episode I talk with Wytisha Williams. Wytisha’s mother tried to take her life at 5 years old, she was molested by her biological father and she attempted suicide several times, but God won’t let her die before she achieved her purpose. Her purpose is to help those who are suffering under the weight of depression, pain, or suicidal thoughts, to become their voice; that is why she wrote the book He Wouldn’t Let Me Die
Wytisha Williams is a Mental Health Counselor/ PLPC born in Louisiana. She is also a disabled United States Army Veteran and transformational speaker. She coined the word Mind Empowerment which was inspired by the understanding that every challenge begins and ends with the mind. She created the character M.E. who is a white eagle with a crown and cape that represents her brand which signifies a person soaring above the obstacles that were meant to destroy any person.
Myrna: You start off your book summary with the following statement “This book is based on a series of true events such as the gruesome experience of a mother trying to murder her child, while the same child endures, sexual abuse, by their biological father.” So can you share your story with us please.
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My story of trauma and dysfunction
Wytisha: My life growing up was pretty much a life full of dysfunction. Severe, trauma, because the two people that actually brought me into this world, the most important people in my life, caused me the most, trauma. At age five, my mother tried to take my life. And then around the same age, I had an experience of, molestation, with my biological father. So, growing up, enduring so much, trauma, and it wasn’t just in the household, I suffered a lot of unfair and unjust treatment through from my family members.
So as a child, I did not understand what was taking place and so many different things, so many different what I would call spirits were a part of my life that I lacked, self-esteem. I also endured some of the same abuse and unfair treatment, and bullying in school. I then begin to lash out and react in a way that was uncontrollable, which resulted to me being in a part of the judicial system in a negative manner, becoming a juvenile delinquent, which later kind of trickled over to my adulthood.
But, I always had a feeling that there was something better out there for me. I wanted to get out of Louisiana, so I actually attended college for a year but after still not addressing that, trauma, not receiving help for those childhood traumatic events; all of that stuff that was suppressed and deep down inside. I was still getting into trouble with the law. So, I decided to go into the, United States military. However, when you don’t deal with, childhood trauma, it only manifests in a different manner, or a different way.
So, my behavior became quite severe while I was serving active duty and I was required by my chain of command to receive therapy and address issues that I had endured during my childhood. So that led to me receiving therapy. And that’s when I developed a passion for therapy. It actually planted a seed inside me and motivated me to want to be that voice for people that suffer inside. So, I began the journey of becoming a therapist.
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How the Military helped with my trauma
Myrna: Wow. You know, as you tell the story, I know that you’re healed from it, because I’m not picking up any residual effects of, trauma. So, you have released it. That’s awesome. It looks like you were also injured in the, Military, and became a, disabled veteran. What happened there?
Wytisha: Not trying to go into too much detail. Being an active-duty soldier, I’ve endured multiple conditions within my body. And it’s so funny because when people see me, from outward appearance, they’re like, oh, where are you disabled? I have I have so much pushback when I go to get my disabled pay. When I go to get my certifications, and any type of discount. You know, I get so much pushback because I don’t look disabled. What I continue to do is educate people on is every disability is not visual, you can’t always see every disability, having, mental illness, that’s considered a disability, and you can’t see it.
Myrna: True, I know what you’re talking about. PTSD, which is a disability, you can’t see that either. What inspired you to write the book and share your story, and why did you pick such an amazing title?
God won’t let me die after several suicide attempts
I know from your bio, that you tried to commit, suicide, several times. So, let’s talk with that your now. Is that the reason you wrote the book, you named your book, He wouldn’t let me die?
Wytisha: Absolutely, yes, the title coincides with me trying to take my life. Like I say it was, trauma, from the very beginning of my childhood. Yeah, I tried try multiple times to, commit suicide. I did not want to be here, because I just felt hopeless. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of love. I felt like nobody loved me. And I always felt that I was alone. And throughout so much, trauma, and always just being picked on in the home at the school in the community. I’m just like, I’ve never understood why every time I go somewhere, somebody wants to abuse me.
So, when I say my self-esteem was just little to none. The title also ties into people trying to take my life. I’m speaking about, you know, my mother, the giver of life other than my Creator. Her trying to take me out at the age of five. And then you know, I even talk about in my book, another near death experience that I faced with another family member at the age of seven. So, it was like doing the whole entire time of my childhood someone was trying to take me life. When I just looked back over my life, God wouldn’t let me die. So, that’s where the title came from. The enemy has been trying to take me out since birth. You know and he wouldn’t let me die.
Myrna: Why did you write the book?
Wytisha: I’m in a place now where I can actually tell the story holistically without any bitterness or without any type of anger or resentment. My book is basically to help others. So, what started happening to me is I could not sleep and it was like a spiritual thing. It was like God just kept telling me look, you overcame this. There are so many people that do not overcome, trauma. There are so many people that that has attempted to, commit suicide, and has accomplished it and they’re no longer here to tell the story.
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And so as a therapist, I talked to so many people that experienced, trauma, abuse, molestation, sexual assault, and they will not talk it. about that mean they will not come for free. God just kept telling me you have to release book, because your story is going to help others heal and transform. And honestly, I’ve fought against it for so long because I did not want to verbalize it or disclose it. So, I had to get to a place where I told myself it’s not about you. It’s about the people that you are going to help.
Myrna: That’s amazing. You know, as you were talking, I was trying to think about what your parents thought about your book?
Wytisha: I don’t have a relationship with either one of my parents especially since the book has come out. Like I said, I don’t have any resentment towards them and I try to make it clear to so many people. And honestly, I wish that we could have actually gone on this journey together. I know that both of my parents experienced, trauma, there was some things that happened to both of them in order for them to do to me what they did. So, when I became older, I began to understand that it didn’t it begin with me, it didn’t begin with them. Somewhere along the line something took place. And so, I’m so adamant about finding answers.
So I did ask both of my parents what happened? Let’s talk about this thing. But their like whatever happened, it happened and we’re not going to talk about it.
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Myrna: Well, they’re probably not holding any accountability, because they were never, arrested or charged or anything. So, they’re going to say that what you’re saying is not true. They’re not going to admit it. But yes, you have to talk about it. And a lot of people wait until their parents die actually, before they come out and talk about these things because they know how it’s gonna affect the family. So, I give you kudos for being brave enough to talk about it now, so that you can help other people.
As for your parents, it’s very true. Hurt people hurt people. It didn’t start with you, something happened to your parents. That’s the reason they abused you. They should go on a journey of healing and they should ask your forgiveness, to be quite honest, and they should do that before they die. Have you forgiven them?
Wytisha: I don’t have any ill will towards them as people. I can’t say that I have forgiven them.
Myrna: You’re doing great. We’re talking about some very difficult things here and you’re doing great. Excellent, let’s switch to, mental health awareness. You talk about being on the wrong side of the judicial system, serving in the, military, and now being a Therapist. Which one of these roles helped you the most with your, mental health, and, mind empowerment? .
Wytisha: All where necessary, the combination of every last milestone every less accomplishment is what actually has helped me to this point. The experience of me being on the wrong side of the judicial system actually helps me when it comes to counseling, because I can also counsel and help individuals that had been incarcerated. I actually work in a correctional facility, so I can relate on those issues.
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Helping veterans with military trauma and sexual trauma
I can also help and assist other, veterans, that are suffering from, PTSD, or any other type of, military trauma, any type of military, sexual trauma, you know, things of that nature. And being a therapist, of course, the one of the best techniques and counsel that you can put there is empathy, being able to empathize, being able to relate to a client, because it’s one thing when you have an education, education is great, but most people they identify when the limitations of education.
When you sit down and you can actually listen to a person and then you can relate and understand and then also give them recommendations or help or resources that you have also utilized for yourself or apply to your own life. That takes it to another level.
Myrna: So true. One of my coaching clients told me that she would not go to a life coach that hasn’t gone through the same experience that she wants help with, because she doesn’t want anybody tell her stuff that they haven’t gone through. This is why a lot of my coaches and even therapists always help clients with the issues they’ve overcome.
What do you want readers to walk away with after they put the book down? What is the goal of your book?
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Wytisha: The goal of the book is to help others that have been through the same experience. Understand that as you say, and I love the way that you put it that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know by being a therapist, there are so many people that are still stuck in there, childhood trauma. And a lot of it comes from not wanting to talk about it, not being able to talk about it. So, I always tell people that this book was to basically be the voice for people that suffer in silence.
I want this book to be able to reach people in every nation, because I’ve shared it’s not about gender. It’s not about race. It’s not about the creed. It’s not about social economics, because we all on some level has experienced some type of, trauma.
It doesn’t matter if it was psychological, mental, emotional, you know, and I shared this before. I mean, you can experience, trauma, as small as your parent making you tie your shoes 100 times a day and when you become an adult you no longer want to wear shoes with laces. Or your, trauma, can be as severe as the abuse I suffered, sexual abuse, and physical abuse.
I want people to be able to read this book and say if she did it, I can do it too. If she overcame it, I can overcome it too. And I just want to be that voice and I want to be that witness that you can overcome it. You can overcome it, that the, trauma, does not control you. It does not have to control you, you can find a way to heal and find a purpose and find joy, peace and happiness through all that you endure. And you have to be willing to let go of the pain.
Conclusion
We all want to learn, how to die. When life is no longer fun for us we sometimes want to, die.
Myrna: How can people connect with you on social media and pick up a copy of your book?
Child Abuse, and, sexual abuse, Statistics, show a connection between, child abuse, Mental Health, addiction, and depression.
In her book “Call me an addict, war on Women” By Dr Tra Ahia. shares Kreta’s story of, child abuse, and sexual abuse, that started with her biological mother. I think this is very rare. Kreta said her mother was a sick person. Her, child abuse, was by her mother. Her mother used to make her kids do sexual acts on her boyfriend and her. Her mother and boyfriend also had sex in front of her and her brothers and sisters. This, abuse, started when she was about 4 years old.
Listen to the full interview here:
Kreta’s story of, sexual abuse
Kreta was raped by an older boy around the age of 7.
Kreta’s, child abuse, started when she was only 8 or 9 years old when she started smoking weed, crack and sniffing blow. As she got older when she didn’t have money, she would perform sexual acts for coke.
Even though she was a good student in school she started ditching school to sleep with older men and eventually dropped out of school.
She started working for a pimp who continued her, sexual abuse, he beat her all the time and had other men rape her and pie on her. After a string of, sexually abusive, relationships She got pregnant several times while still doing drugs. She had two abortions; but decided to keep her third pregnancy – a baby girl.
She went in and out of rehab several times trying to stay clean but always relapsed.
Kreta’s story ended the saddest of all 3 stories from the book “Call me an Addict, war Her, strange addiction, was out of control. She got so high one night that she stabbed her baby to death. She got life in prison.
Child Abuse Statistics
Risk for intimate partner violence
Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
Illicit drug abuse
Smoking & drinking at an early age
Depression
Suicide attempts
I want to say that Kreta’s mother surprised me; but I have heard, sexual abuse, stories like this one before. I had a coaching client who told me that her mother stopped having sex with her husband and when she was 4 years old gave her to her husband to have sex with. Tyler Perry tried to bring attention to this, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, in his movie Madea Family Reunion .
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70 percent of perpetrators have between 1 and 9 victims.
Child abuse, statistics, show as many as 40 percent of children who are, sexually abused, are abused by older or more powerful children.
Sex offenses are the crimes least likely to involve strangers as perpetrators. Although a smaller percentage of, sex offenders, are women, the majority are male. Sex offenders, are generally NOT “dirty old men” or strangers lurking in alleys. They are typically not obviously mentally ill or retarded. In fact, sex offenders, are usually well known and trusted by the children they victimize, and frequently are members of the family, including fathers and stepfathers, brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. There is no clear-cut description or profile of a, sex offender. Thus, there is no way to recognize a potential, sex offender, and abuser; and it’s often hard to believe that a trusted individual would be capable of abusing children.
Children who disclose their abuse within one month are at a reduced risk for, depression, or substance abuse and, addiction. Believe your kids when they talk to you and LISTEN.
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Why, Addiction and Depression are by products of Child Abuse
Although any type of, addiction, can trigger violence, those most likely to impair judgment, like drug and alcohol, addiction, are most often linked to addiction-related violence. Drug and alcohol use can weaken self-control, it’s not uncommon to see people who are under the influence engaging in behavior they usually wouldn’t if they were sober.
People living with, strange addictions, who commit violent crimes, is usually as a result of intoxication or as a means of obtaining money to finance their habits. According to an article published in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, more than 75 percent of people who seek treatment for, drug addiction, report having performed acts of violence, including mugging, physical assault and using a weapon to attack another person.
People who suppress negative feelings like anger or, depression, are more likely to drink or use, drugs, to the point of intoxication and exhibit violent behaviors. If you have Pent-up rage and you are using drugs, you are more likely to act violently because loss of self-control can increase your chances to act on your anger.
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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help sexual abuse survivors
Dr Tra Ahia How does CBT help , sexual abuse survivors, to love themselves? What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
Evidence is growing that, cognitive-behavioral therapy, (CBT) is an effective treatment for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, including those who have experienced physical, child abuse, and other traumatic events.
Most of the studies that have evaluated Trauma focused-CBT have been well designed. This treatment model represents a synthesis of trauma-sensitive interventions and well-established CBT principles treatment-outcome studies for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and otherwise traumatized children. The therapy was developed to resolve, post-traumatic stress disorder, and, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to address underlying distortions about self-blame, safety, the trustworthiness of others, and the world. The treatment also fits, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences into a broader context of children’s lives so that their primary identity is not that of a victim.
Child abuse, statistics, show that CBT therapy allows, sexual abuse, victims to learn self-love.
Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.
“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges. With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection.
Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations. Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.
Dr Tra I am curious after listening to 100 stories like the ones you told in your book and from all the data you have collected over your 30 years in this space. Why do you think fathers and stepfathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins, abuse, little girls?
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I want to comment on one of the, child abuse, statistics, the one that says 70% of perpetrators have between 1 to 9 victims. I remember my, sexual abuse, It was from a man who I called grandfather, even though he was no relation. He used to tell me to bring my friends, and he would do the same thing to them as he did me. In fact he had a reputation of liking little girls. I never told anyone!
That’s another thing, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, statistics, show, victims never tell.
Here are 5 tips for loving yourself after, child abuse, and, sexual abuse,
Read Positive affirmations
Heal the mind through the body (ie. Boxing, Running, Martial Arts)
Mindful breathing exercises and meditation (stop, breathe and think app)
Channel your pain into creativity ( i.e.journaling)
Ask for help when you need it
Conclusion, Child Abuse, and, Sexual Abuse
Dr Tra, Do you support the, child abuse statistic, that says that if kids who are experiencing trauma of any kind tells someone who offers support, it has a direct and positive effect on the, sexual abuse and addiction connection?
Totally, when you tell someone what is being done to you, you release the shame of thinking you are to blame. You will also get help to cope with the emotions. When you stay silent it eats away at you all your life and then you self-medicate with, drugs, and alcohol and your, sexual abuse, continues into your adult relationships.
Additional Resources on Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse
Michael Dow , author of the Nurse Florence Children’s book series says that poor, health literacy, is a real thing. And so, nurse Florence, children’s book series addresses these issues in many different ways. Not only does the general science help just bring basic education, like how do we smell things? How do we hear things? How do we see things? Basic things like, how does the brain work or how our nervous system works. But we’ve also started exploring disease topics such as, nurse Florence, what is kidney disease, nurse Florence, what is a heart attack?
Michael Stephen Dow graduated nursing school in August 2020. Michael now works as a Registered Nurse at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. Michael is the Founder and Manager of Dow Creative Enterprises, LLC. His books have garnered the Silver Nautilus Book award in 2020 (Nurse Florence, Help I’m Bleeding) and an Award-Winning Finalist in the Religion category for the 2021 International Book Awards (A Prayer to Our Father in the Heavens: Possibly the Greatest Jewish Prayer of All Time). Michael believes we will need the best of science and religion to successfully navigate ourselves, our civilization, through the future obstacles we will face.
Myrna: Why did you become a children’s book author?
Michael: My mom always said I would be a good author of children’s books. I wrote my first book, then I got my kids to read it, to be like a reviewer of the book. And in that first book, I thought it was really good. So, I submitted it for some Book Awards, and we got the silver Nautilus Book Award and their slogan was “Better Books For a Better World.” So that really inspired me to just keep writing. So, I did and we’ve gotten three other awards for two other books so far, and we’re counting. We hope to get many awards every year, I recruited a team of illustrators, and now we’ve published over 25 books.
My ulterior motive was to educate my own children. They are in the review process and they get editor money, especially when they find that one misspelled word.
Myrna: How old are your kids?
Michael: Well, I have a 15-year-old autistic child so, he’s not really reading books and then I have a 12-year-old and a nine-year-old.
Nurse Florence Children’s books teaches health literacy to kids as young as 4 years old
Myrna: What age range are you targeting with these books?
Michael: I think it’s between ages 7 and 12. But, but we’ve already got some feedback that some parents have read the book to like four- and five-year-old and it because that there’s pictures on every other page. One side is the picture, either a science drawing or maybe a drawing of the kids interacting with the nurse, and then the tech so the four- or five-year old’s are even enjoying listening to their parents read. And again, it is written at a pretty basic level. But we do introduce some medical words to kids in every book.
Myrna: Yeah. I absolutely love it. I love biology, I didn’t take biology until I was in high school. But I absolutely love finding out how the body works and I can just imagine, four- or five-year old’s, learning, about how the body works then have all these questions for their parents. That is the way kids are, they have a very curious mind and they have all these questions. So that’s amazing. It’s great to build their curiosity and to let them know, how the body works. And I would imagine that if any of this information sticks, when they do get the biology, they’ll be ahead right?
Michael: That is my job. I think is to help all of these kids get a little bit ahead so that when they get to the high school class, they’re hitting the ground running.
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Myrna: I know that you are a registered nurse now and your current job is at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. So, do you have any books on, mental health? How are you using the data that you’re collecting from being a nurse in a psychiatric hospital, in your books?
Michael: There are a couple of the books that I’ve incorporated some things about mental health. One of these books is called “How Do our Fingernails Grow? In the book Jean is very nervous about a quiz. So, she bit her fingers too far back and has to go see the nurse to get a clip. And the nurse asked her why would you pull your fingernail like that? And she says, well, because I was very nervous with that quiz. I wanted to do really good. And so then the nurse teaches her a couple of coping skills like deep breathing, and, finger tapping.
The action or an act of tapping one’s finger against a surface, especially in time to a musical beat, or as a sign of anxiety, agitation, etc.
So, we have started to occasionally incorporates, mental health, coping skills in our books. But after, nurse Florence, is fully developed, which I plan there to be around 300 books in the series, then I want to do a, mental health, series that will that will focus completely on, mental health. With all the different coping skills that we can do for different disorders. So, so that’s in the future.
Myrna: You’re doing excellent work. That was a beautiful way of introducing, mental health. Continue with that and write about some more of the things that people do. You know, you can even get into, cutting, and all the other things that the kids do.
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Does Nurse Florence address self harm
Michael: Yeah, Self-harm, is an issue that some parents that are listening to this are dealing with. The hospital that I worked at we regularly have patients there that are only there for, self-harm, and some of them have very bad scars up and down their arms and legs, and then they have to wear long sleeve shirts, maybe the rest of their life. These are so embarrassed what they’ve done. But there’s is a book that I found called “Freedom from Self Harm” I bought extra copies of this book on Amazon and I give them to those adolescent kids that have that real, self-harm, issues.
And every single kid that I’ve given that to have basically said it was life changing because the authors of this book let the child know that they understand where they’re coming from and why they’re doing it, and what they can do to help overcome those urges. So, if you have a child that’s dealing with self-harming cutting behaviors, then get them this book.
Myrna: I brought it up because you’re right, it’s one of the things the kids do. Even Willow Smith, who is Will Smith’s daughter was talking about how she was, cutting, herself and her parents knew nothing about it. Now, our topic is about, health literacy for children. So, you feel you felt that our country is deficient in this. So, talk to us about our country’s, health literacy, whether it’s a good for kids or whether it’s for adults. But do people know what’s going on with their bodies?
Michael: I’d like to read some things from HealthyPeople.gov so that we’re on the same page. The Department of Health and Human Services defines, health literacy, as the degree to which individuals have the capacity to obtain, process and understand basic health information needed to make appropriate health decisions. So, what healthypeople.gov found is that patients with low, health literacy, levels are more likely to use the emergency department and more likely to return to the ICU after two weeks of being discharged.
They also they found that uninsured and publicly Insured, the people on Medicaid are at a higher risk for low, health literacy, and that almost half of adults who did not graduate from high school had low, health literacy. Another interesting thing that they found was that 74% of Spanish speaking, patients in the US had less than adequate, health literacy, as compared to 7% of English-speaking patients. So, the Hispanic community has an issue. Another quick little fact here is that low, health literacy, is more prevalent among older adults, minority populations, those with low set socioeconomic status, and the medically underserved people.
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have a problem finding a doctor or even services for their medical problems or mental health problem to even know who to even look for or what kind of specialty to look for?
They have a problem filling out health forms.
They have a problem telling their doctor or their nurse about their medical history.
They have a problem seeking preventative health care and
They also have problems connecting risky behaviors in their health problems.
They have a problem managing chronic health conditions like maybe heart disease or even chronic kidney disease.
They can have a problem understanding directions on medication bottles.
Nurse Florence addresses health literacy for children
So, poor literacy in health is a real thing. And so, nurse Florence, the series addresses these issues in many different ways. Not only does the general science help just bring basic education like how do we smell thing? How do we hear things? How do we see things? Basic things like that, you know, how does the brain work or how our nervous system works and things like that. But we’ve also started exploring disease topics so, Nurse Florence, what is kidney disease, nurse Florence, what is a heart attack?
So, the idea is that if a parent or grandparents had a heart attack, then the parents could buy the heart attack book and read it with your child or grandchild? To show what grandma or grandpa has just gone through? We have already started finding is that really alleviates worry by the grandkids. Parents are giving us feedback like, hey, I’m reading this book with my child and I’m learning too. So not only are we increasing the, health literacy for children, so that they can grow up good education and understanding of how the body works, but parents as well they read it with their kids. They are going to learn a couple of things.
And then one other thing I’d like to especially note out if you noticed on the website, all the different covers that, nurse Florence, is different in every book. So, the Health Resources and Services Administration says that one thing that providers can do to help with low, health literacy, is to reflect the age, cultural, ethnic and racial diversity of patients. That means we need more African American doctors and nurses. We need more Hispanic doctors and nurses we need everybody in the system. You know, to help with all the different racial diversity.
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So, what we’ve done is, nurse Florence, is a different race and ethnicity in every book. And this is to inspire kids to be like, Hey Mommy, look at this nurse for she’s she looks just like me. I could be a nurse when I grow up. So, we are addressing this, racial diversity, need in healthcare. We got a Native American, nurse Florence, that’s been drawn right now. In one of the future books, we’re going to have an Indian. We’re just going to keep the ball rolling and keep all the different ethnicities, because we believe that, diversity, and also, inclusion, is very important in health care.
Maybe if we can inspire the kids while they’re young, then maybe we can have a whole cohort of kids over the next five or 10 years that are gonna grow up wanting to get into the healthcare field or jobs in science, so that we can truly be racially diverse, ethnically diverse in in this important field.
One final thing about that Spanish comment is that there’s a lot of low, health literacy, with the Spanish speaking. We’re translating the books into Spanish and that’s thanks to my wife. She’s from Mexico. So, she is doing the Spanish translations and we hope to have an impact on the Hispanic community as well.
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Myrna: That is absolutely amazing. You said a lot there. Let me see I don’t have all the titles here, but some of the ones that we already talked about are:
So, these are some of the titles that I picked out from your website, what are some of the other titles that you want to highlight in this conversation?
Michael: Another of the, nurse Florence, series is “Can I get Lyme Disease from a Tick Bite?” So that was actually at the suggestion of one of the illustrators. Because, Lyme disease, is bacterial infection from the tick bite. One thing that’s neat is in the book, we have a very clear drawing picture of how to remove the tick with tweezers, the wrong and the right way. So, again, back to educating parents, not only our kids gonna get educated, but if the parents read this book with their child, they’re gonna see the proper technique of how to remove a tick so they don’t get, Lyme disease.
Book Nurse Florence How do we hear things
Conclusion Pick up your copy of Nurse Florence
Myrna: Sounds amazing. How can listeners get copies of your books?
Michael: So, you can go to https://nurseflorence.org/ That’s our main website and it has a links to many different things. You can also find the books on Amazon. You might have to search like nurse Florence Michael Dow to get those books easily because there’s so many books on, nurse Florence, and this is such a new series, the books are not at the top of the list. There’s also links to the programs that we’ve won the four awards for the three books, so that you can see for yourself on their websites of what we’ve won.
And, and also, I’d like to mention that next month we’re going to start a contest an essay contests for kids. The winner gets a set of free set of the, nurse Florence, current series. Why that will help them in science and in school and help with their character. The grand prize winner will get a free set of the hardcover books of every book that we published so far. And then there will be runner up that will get a couple of books. This contest will definitely be by the end of September of 2022. We’re going to have the contest posted on the web site and you’ll be able to do that submission so that your child can get reviewed and hopefully win the grand prize.
Dr Fred Moss, psychiatrist, shares why he thinks that, psychiatric medications, is like cutting off your arm if you have a mosquito bite. In this podcast we discuss using your, true voice, to reclaim your, mental health, and why actively doing one of the creative 8 activities like creating music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, gardening, and photography can remove the need for, psychiatric medications.
Dr. Fred Moss, MD is the foremost expert on delivering your True Voice into the world so that it can heal because your voice matters. Your voice can heal. Dr. Fred has been actively practicing in the, mental health, field internationally for over 40 years, and as a, psychiatrist, has been an unwavering stand for the transformation of, mindset. He is a firm believer that conversation, communication, creativity, and human connection are ultimately at the source of all healing of all conditions in all fields.
Along with being a highly successful restorative/transformational coach, his signature technology, True Voice Podcasting is for people who are ready to take their lives back by speaking their authentic message into the world. TVP is designed to guide people from all walks of life, who are ready to rediscover the confidence and courage necessary to bring their full and real humanity back into all areas of their life.
Communication is a mental health tool
Fr Fred: I was born to be a communicator. I was trying to bring healing and joy to the world. My family was in a fair amount of disarray. I had two brothers 10 and 14 years older than me, I still have two brothers 10 and 14 years older than me and, I learned a lot from them about, communication. One day as a young adult my said well, you have to get a job now, and told me that so she got me an application.
I applied and got the job. I started working with adolescent boys at a state hospital, a state, mental health, facility. I was finally getting paid to communicate. And that’s all I was doing. I was communicating with these wonderful human beings who were now living in a in a state hospital and we were healing each other’s, communication.
It was really fun and really a great job. We got to take field trips and play softball and all the cool stuff that I did with these kids. The thing I didn’t like, was the way, psychiatry, was treating these kids. We would call the, psychiatrist, and say Jimmy is up too late or Timmy and Tommy got in a fight.
And he would come down and after three seconds of talking to the kid and maybe six seconds talking to us, he takes out his weapon, his pen. And he would write something in the chart. And then we’d have to go get Timmy and Tommy and hold them down while we injected them full of very high-powered sedatives to put them out of their misery and for the next 12 or 24 hours and if Timmy or Tommy didn’t say another word for 24 hours, we would call that a success.
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Now, that’s still happening in all the state hospitals around this country and mostly around the world too. We’ve not grown past that; it’s still going on. I made it my business to become a, psychiatrist, at that point. I was going to become a, psychiatrist, and bring, communication, back because that I knew that, communication, healed. So took in a big inhale and 13 years later, I graduated from the University of Northwestern University as a as a, psychiatrist, and did my residency in Cincinnati and started being a, psychiatrist.
But in the meantime, Prozac, had been introduced to the world. Prozac, was a medication that changed the whole paradigm of, psychiatry, Biological Psychiatry, chemical imbalance.
Myrna: what’s the difference between a, psychiatrist, and a psychologist?
Dr Fred: A, psychiatrist, prescribes medicine, but that’s actually the last thing I wanted to do as a, psychiatrist. But now it was my typecast and it was what I was doing. Yeah, for the next 30 something years, I wrote over 100,000 medication prescriptions. I saw over 40,000 patients who call me their doctor. And it was very difficult because every time I wrote a prescription, my heart would wrench just a little or my soul would sacrifice it sometimes, not just a little sometimes later, in 2006, I finally decided that I could no longer do that.
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I started taking my patients of psychiatric medications
It was 15 years after I started. I started taking people off their diagnosis and taking them off their, psychiatric medications, and seeing how they did. Now I know that sounds kind of radical. It’s kind of interesting that we’re more concerned about taking people off of medicine than giving it to them.
Myrna: It’s the society, right? It’s life. Why did you become radical?
Dr Fred: I was radical. I took away stuff that was making them worse until they got better. Then I started becoming a healer. I call it my, true voice, moment. When I really started becoming a healer, I was no longer just a doctor, but a healer. And I began communicating with all my patients a little bit more and a little bit more. Until I really knew that I was back to being little Freddie who was pretty sure that, communication, and connection was the point here on Earth.
And over the last 15 years since 2006, I’ve really been just edging myself forward to being a stand for, communication, and connection and my practice has evolved over time, I’ve done work all over the world. A lot of, telepsychiatry, and a lot of utilization review, and I’ve been in every single corner of American, psychiatry, usually as a leader and really attempting sometimes without much success to inject, communication, as the core source of all healing.
Telepsychiatry, a subset of telemedicine, can involve providing a range of services including, psychiatric, evaluations, therapy (individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy), patient education and medication management. Telepsychiatry, can involve direct interaction between a psychiatrist and the patient.
Eventually I set up Welcome to humanity.
Welcome to humanity is my brand name. That’s where you’ll find me is the www.welcometohumanity.net that’s what my main website is and it’s self-explanatory. It just says all of the experiences that we’re having as humans are to be embraced, including the ones that are miserable and painful. Now I’m actually a restorative transformational coach, and I’m a podcast teacher and I’m an expert speaker and a podcast guest. I have my own podcast and I am so finely aligned with who I really came here to be again after 50 years of trying out some other stuff.
Myrna: Well, that’s amazing. Number one that you felt that you knew that you wanted to communicate, in kindergarten, I guess because you had older brothers. So why did your mom get you a job in the, mental health, field? Did you do some work with, mental health, in college?
Starting in the mental health field was coincidence
Dr Fred: You know, it was easy enough to get a job in the, mental health, field. My mom was already a social worker. She didn’t quite give me the job. She got me an application at Fairlawn Center, which was a state, mental health, facility, a civil service job.
Myrna: Well, that’s amazing because that’s usually how if you’re able to be on purpose, that’s how God directs you. Okay, the second question that I have here is, so when you decided to take your patients off of, psychiatric medications, and you said it taught them to communicate. Are you saying that let’s say that someone is on, Prozac, because, Prozac, settles them down. Are you saying that if people really heard them and listened to them, they won’t need these, psychiatric medications? Where are you coming from with that?
Dr Fred: That’s an important question. So, the first thing I want to say to all the listeners is if you have found something that works and it has to do with, psychiatric medications, and your diagnosis, by all means, please don’t switch. Okay. I mean, we’ve got something that’s really working, I’m not telling you to switch. So, let’s make that really clear. This is for people who really know that they’re not living their ultimate optimal life.
Prozac controls your emotions by stopping feelings
When I took my patients off their, Prozac, or the medications like that, what would happen is they would find themselves again coming in touch with their own feelings, coming in touch with their own emotions in ways that have been muted over the years. When they got in touch with themselves, we could learn that they didn’t even have a diagnosis in the first place and in many cases the, psychiatric medications, and the treatment were really perpetuating the actual symptoms they were marketed to treat.
So, you know, that when you start really looking at that, and we pull people off of their diagnosis, because now I can’t just pull people off their, psychiatric medications, the medicine is not the problem. It’s the idea that we all think there’s something wrong with us. And then we get confirmation that there’s something wrong with us and then we need so called, psychiatric medications. The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re making it through the world like any of us and you’re just as confused. At times are fearful and other times anxious or depressed.
You make mistakes, you hurt people or something, that’s called being human. You know, people are like, oh, no, I have a diagnosis. It’s interesting a, psychiatrist, can’t get paid unless he gives you a diagnosis. Right? If he writes no diagnosis, he won’t get paid. So, there’s a major incentive to diagnose every single person who comes into their office number one.
Number two, it’s also the only field in all medicine where if you come into the office thinking there, there might be something wrong with you and the doctor says that there’s nothing wrong with you. Then you get upset. If you had gone to the heart doctor, and he says you’re okay, would you get mad at him?
Psychiatrists write prescriptions to control diagnoses
Dr Fred: When we get a diagnosis, it helps us relinquish responsibility for the parts of our life that we don’t like. But if we can blame that on, ADHD, or, social phobia, or, post-traumatic stress disorder, or, major depression, or, bipolar disorder, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, narcissistic personalities, etc. The experiences you’re having in life isn’t like get over it. No, I’m not saying that. What I am saying is embrace it as part of being you and this human condition. And don’t think of it as a deficiency or a sickness.
Myrna: I understand people like to feel good. And these conditions don’t make you feel good. I don’t know about, ADHD, but all the other ones you don’t feel good. So, you want some kind of beta blocker or something to block the symptoms if you’re not feeling good. It’s not what you say these, medications, do. But I wanted to get to the point where you’re saying that they can talk it out.
Dr Fred: Well, inside of, communication, what we really are talking about therapy. Therapy also presumes that there’s something wrong with a patient. Okay? Well, what this is really about is connection. So, it isn’t really about just talking it out. It’s about connecting with another person at whatever level that takes resonating with another person or with your experience.
Myrna: Can they connect that way to their psychiatrists, or we’re just telling them to talk to anybody to connect with anybody?
Dr Fred: The deal with, psychiatry, is that there’s a power gradient, there’s this idea that the, psychiatrist, is okay and you’re not, right. That’s actually not true. We’re both not okay. When we look across the table at each other and see our actual humanity, that’s where healing starts. When there is a gradient, psychiatry, if you’re a patient down there, this perpetuates an ongoing experience of there being something wrong with the patient.
Myrna: Okay, so that’s actually good, because if you walk into the room thinking that there’s something wrong with you and you need help that’s is what you expect. Tell us about healing through creativity and self-expression and the, creative mindset.
Dr Fred: One of the things is that none of us really seek out being uncomfortable. We’re looking to be comfortable. However, we are so addicted to this idea of comfort being normal we think being uncomfortable is abnormal. The truth is, being uncomfortable is totally normal. This is a really crazy world out there. And not only that humanity is an uncomfortable experience. What I noticed in when writing the book, The Creative 8 Mindset, was that when we’re creating our, mindset, shifts.
When we are creating music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, gardening, these are all things that when we’re creating, they really work to decrease that negative symptomology. While we’re doing any of those creative things, the negative experiences dissolve and disappear. So, with the, creativity, this is different than if you’re listening to music, I want you to be making music. It’s different than if you’re at an art museum, or looking at a beautiful piece of art. I want you to actually be making art. It’s just like if you’re watching Dancing with the Stars, or if you’re actually dancing.
So, the, creative 8 mindset, reminds us that we are here to be creators. So, I invite people to really do that creative eight, exercise which is finding three of those things, art, music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, and gardening and doing them each day even for just one minute. And really noticing how positive experiences can evolve simply by becoming creative.
Now ultimately, there was a couple more I added on photography and cleaning. And then there’s the trump card if you will, and the trump card is to help anybody do anything. When we’re helping other people do things, it’s also an amazing experience of having our own concern about ourselves disappear as we become service oriented. And that’s just another way to use the, creative 8 mindset, to our benefit.
Myrna: How does finding our, true voice, connect to the, creative 8, mindset?
Dr Fred: If you’re already on medicine, it’s actually really hard to do that. Because medicine can really stifle and smother creativity. The, psychopharmacological medications, do not expand the, creativity, in any way shape. The, psychiatric medications, often perpetuates a condition to remind you treat and it isn’t a matter of you do get to come off medicine, it’s a matter of that’s a good way to manage your life. If you want to come off medicine, the best way to go for that it’s going to be to start connecting with people.
Right now, you know, still help others still be creative, still be loving and still be accepting and compassionate and friendly and kind and all those things. Can you do that even in the face of a world that’s looking like it’s spiraling out of control?
Myrna: So how does using your voice help, mental illness?
Dr Fred: I don’t know anything else that’s gonna help with, mental illness, except using our voice actually. And the truth is, we think that taking medicine is going to help and really in the end, once you’re diagnosed with whatever condition you have, and you’re started on, psychiatric medications, the medication is frequently designed or at least, achieves the goal of perpetuating a symptom of market intention.
So, you’re on that, psychiatric medication, for good. Very few people come off, psychiatric medications, when you first start medicine, you think if it’s not going to work, well just stop it, but it’s not really true. It’s not going to work, we’re going to change it or we’re going to increase it or we’re going to add another medicine. Doctors are not even trained not to take you off, psychiatric medications. And when I started taking people off medicine people were like, you’re doing what?
Myrna: I’m sure your patients were happy with that.
Dr Fred: Well, some of them were scared, because they knew that people get sick again. They’re like, I don’t want to come off. Here’s the other thing, these, psychiatric medications, are built so that when you do come off of them, at least for a short period of time, you get an actual spike of the symptoms that were there in the beginning. And it has you thinking that you have returned, but in fact, it’s not you that returned. It’s a function of coming off of these medicines. They’re built that way.
Myrna: So how does your, true voice, help you with, mental illness? One of the things that, Prozac, does is, is keep you calm, right? Can using your, true voice, keep you calm?
Using psychiatric medications is like cutting off your arm because of a mosquito bite
Dr Fred: That’s not what I’m saying. Let’s say you are a mosquito bite doctor and I had a really bad mosquito bite on my on my elbow. For three weeks I’ve been trying to get rid of it. It gets bigger, it’s painful. It wakes me up at night itching, itching, and I finally decide I’m gonna go to a mosquito bite specialist. So, I find you in the yellow pages, and I go into your office and you’re like, Yeah, I’ve seen something like this before, and we can cure it. Oh, good. That’s why it came to you. You know, it’s only going to hurt for a minute you tell me. Okay, let’s do it. We’re going to cut off your arm at the shoulder.
Myrna: Oh, wow. That’s drastic.
Dr Fred: If we say okay, and then you’ve cut off my arm. Then the next time I come to see you, when we look for that mosquito bite on that elbow, it won’t be there.
Myrna; No, because you don’t have an arm.
Dr Fred: If all I’m looking at is do is cure the mosquito bite then cutting off your arm at the shoulder was a cure for that mosquito bite.
That what, psychiatric medications, do. It totally wipes you out. It blunts you out. And it’s not just, Prozac. These, psychiatric medications, do a lot more than just fix the mosquito bite, by taking away your capacity to have proper feelings, it feels like it’s curing you, but it’s not really curing you. It’s taking away your capacity to have proper feelings, including that one.
Myrna: Wow, what a powerful visual you presented. I get it.
Dr: Fred: And that’s what we’re really talking about here. Now, again, to our listeners. If you have been going far and wide and it found a combination of, psychiatric medications, that works for you and your, mental health, improves considerably, stick with it. By the way, I don’t use the phrase, mental illness, anymore. I don’t think there is such a thing as, mental illness.
There’s definitely such thing as mental discomfort, mental misery, mental pain, for sure. But illness suggests that you’re sick and I don’t think that you’re sick, you’re only experiencing an unpleasant part of life. Now when we started looking at that, then in, true voice, actually voicing your real self, it’s amazing how healing can happen immediately.
I chose, podcasting, to be the avenue for that because you can say your, true voice, right here on a podcast. It’s one of the last remaining spaces on the planet where you can actually say your, true voice. You can’t do it on social media, obviously, you can’t do it. You know, in most cases, you can’t go to like a concert and do it. You can’t have an auditorium full of people to speak your, true voice, anymore. So, your, true voice, is being taken away from you.
True voice, is a way when you resonate with another person and truly, honestly authentically connect with another person. It’s amazing what that does instantly for your, mental health. Even if you haven’t connected with anyone in a long time when you do connect. It’s amazing what healing takes place way better than any, psychiatric medications, I’ve ever written. And like I said, I’ve written prescriptions for over 100,000, psychiatric medications.
True Voice podcasting contributes to your mental health
Myrna: Well, explain it a little bit. What happens when they come on your podcast and talk about their, true voice?
Dr Fred: The, true voice, podcasting is not a podcast, it’s actually a course that I teach so that people who want to express their, true voice, will learn that they can do that best through, podcasting. We spend the first half of the course of a 13-week course really honing on people to get in touch and rediscovering their, true voice, authenticity. And in that authenticity, really exploring what they love.
In your case, you’ve got, mindset, somewhere along the line, mindset, became part of your, true voice. When you start doing it, you can wake up every single day like who am I going to talk to you today about, mindset. And there’s something that drives you forward inside of your commitment to learning more and to teach you more about, mindset.
So other people they’re gonna come up with whatever they come up with. Maybe some of them will come up with really big ones like, climate change or racism or sex trafficking, and maybe others will come up with seemingly smaller ones like petunias in Arkansas or something.
It’s fine, whatever. Your Podcast theme is. We then walk you through your authenticity into a world of a maximum podcast creation and production. I have a couple of teammates who co-lead with me and we take people from zero to podcaster in three months, and then dive in really learn how this method works if you go to www.findyourtruevoicebook.com And you go in there and then I will send you a copy of the book for free. If you go to www.welcometohumanity.net you will find information about my true voice podcasting course. Check out my book: The Creative 8 on Amazon
Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. Author and social worker, Kenya Aissa joins the, Transform Your Mind Podcast, to share strategies to develop, Life Skills, and conscious programs for, teenage girls with, post traumatic stress disorder.
How to cultivate consciousness and life skills for, Post traumatic stress disorder, in teenage girls,
Today I am speaking with author, Kenya E. Aissa, MS, is a Social Worker whose experience counseling girls, ages 12-22, has given her valuable insight into their thoughts on the validity of spiritual practice. As a primary counselor in a, residential drug rehabilitation program, created specifically for traumatized girls (one of only a handful of such programs in the U.S.), Ms. Aissa created and implemented a weekly spirituality group.
In the next few years, she discovered that confusion, insecurity, and fearfulness are pervasive amongst girls, and they have few internal skills with which to combat these issues. Education and information about women’s spiritual lives are greatly lacking in our schools and in our society. For young women, this dilemma can result in:
• • Banishment of all spiritual and/or religious beliefs, due to anger and disappointment;
• • Adopting non-traditional practices simply for shock value, or to gain a sense of control;
• • A sense of abandonment and loneliness born of fear, which may result in filling the emptiness with negative people, substance abuse, unhealthy sexual relationships, or early motherhood;
• • Feelings of hopelessness, which may result in depression and other mental health issues.
Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls
How did you transition your Masters in psychology and counseling into specifically helping, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls?
I started working back in the late 90s with my girls that were at a residential treatment center. I was really dropped into that position. I was a little bit blindsided actually, because I really wanted the job. I really wanted to work at a drug treatment facility. I really loved working with
children and I already had the experience. When I got the job I didn’t know that I would be specializing, that my caseload would be specifically,
treating, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, I quickly gained the experience because I was with them all the time. I ran groups I worked with them and their families.
I drove them from place to place. I did all kinds of activities with them, and so I had to learn really quickly how to work with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, These girls were neglected, abandoned, sexually abused etc. I had a couple of girls that were very involved in gangs and so then there’s all of the stuff that comes with being involved in a gang. Often there’s a lot of sex, a lot of sexual assault, sometimes unwanted pregnancies a lot of drugs.
Then there’s a lot of fear because of the behavior. Then of course once the drugs become a factor that’s another layer to the whole thing, because a lot of girls with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, will get involved in drugs to mask the pain of their childhood. I had some girls who were prostituting. So there was there were a lot of things that I would say that every almost every kid had some sort of, sexual abuse, or, sexual trauma.
Why adoptions cause post traumatic stress disorder
When I was in, adoptions, that I had had a lot of experience with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, I could have real conversations with parents because we had parents that, especially with teenagers, we had adoptive parents that would give their adoptive kids back. No kidding. Teenagers are hard under the best of circumstances. They are worst with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in teenage, girls,
Teenage boys have a different set of coping skills. The way of treating boys with, PTSD, is different than it is with girls. My book Sacred Girl: Spiritual Life Skills For Conscious Young Women focuses on, on what works for, Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls. Helping them to find their voice and helping them to use tools to strengthen themselves and to gain empowerment.
I then came up with the appropriate strategies to treat, Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls. Our goal it’s very action-oriented and so it’s my belief personally that talking just isn’t enough. You hear a lot about talk therapy and all that stuff and talking just doesn’t do the trick for, Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, You can’t just talk your way out of the problem and so you really have to do something.
There has to be some action. That’s really what my what my book is really about. It is allowing, Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, and let’s just say youth in general to understand that they have the power, they can cultivate life skills and coping skills. I really felt like the movement and the actual thinking of the activities was a way to connect to what was going on with their brain and connect them to their emotions. So we did a lot of yoga. Now I’m a yoga teacher but back then I really had no idea what I was doing.
We did the whole altar thing. In my book there’s a whole section about altars.
For helping deal with, Post traumatic stress disorder, in, teenage girls, an altar could be their bedside table. Whatever have meaning for you, or that make you feel spiritually or psychically connected.
Studies show why teenage girls are more likely to develop PTSD
“Among youth with post-traumatic stress disorder, the study found structural differences between the sexes in one part of the insula, a brain region that detects cues from the body and processes emotions and empathy. The insula helps to integrate one’s feelings, actions and several other brain functions.”
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Entrepreneurship, is the process of setting up a business. For, entrepreneurs, battling, mental illness, controlling their, emotions, is their superpowers, when it comes to building a business of our dreams.
My guest today is Scout Sobel. She is the author of the “Emotional Entrepreneur” and we are going to be having a very interesting conversation today on, mental health, specifically the, mental health, of entrepreneurs. As you consider, entrepreneurship, you need to understand how our, emotions, guide you in everyday life.
Scout experienced her first depressive episode at the age of 14 and was formally diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, at the age of 20. Living with a, mental illness, brought an onslaught of symptoms: anxiety, hypomania, depression, catatonia, psychosis, and, suicidal ideation.
Her perception of her life weighed down on her so poignantly that she dropped out of college, could not hold a job or internship, was hospitalized, experimented with medleys of prescription medication, and went through two outpatient programs.
One day her husband (then boyfriend) looked at her lovingly and said, “I don’t care if you’re depressed. If you are depressed and hopeful, I can be in this relationship. If you are depressed and hopeless, I can’t do this with you.”
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That was the moment her life changed. She started infusing her life with hope and began to take radical responsibility for her emotional state. And after intense, self-development, work – support groups, holistic healing modalities, prayer, routines, and physical wellness, she found, entrepreneurship. Through, entrepreneurship, she learned to unconditionally love her life through the pain, challenges, and celebrations. She learned that she wanted to be here.
Today, Scout is the Founder and CEO of Scout’s Agency, a female-focused PR agency that specializes in getting women as guests on, podcasts.
Her debut book, The Emotional Entrepreneur, provides the, mindset, and, emotional tools, she learned from managing her, mental illness, that have helped her succeed in business and, entrepreneurship.
Entrepreneurship and mental illness
Myrna: I want to start off with something you say in your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”, you said that our, emotions, are our guiding superpowers when it comes, entrepreneurship, and building a business of our dreams. How did your, emotions, guide you to become an, entrepreneur?
Scout: Very shortly after I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, my husband said those sentences that changed my life and I started infusing hope into my days. Which beautifully led me to faith through that process of showing up to support groups, writing gratitude lists etc. My gratitude list and my journal, every single morning reading every self-help book Barnes and Noble had to offer.
I was sitting with my friend at a coffee shop and we were looking through an Indie magazine (I love fashion magazines). I just looked at her and I asked do you want to start a magazine with me? She said yes, let’s do it. We were going to print it at Kinko’s and pass it out to our friends for free. This was going to be a borderline arts and crafts project.
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Suddenly, something in my mind just flipped and immediately I went home. I got the Instagram handle, I searched for printers in the area and then set up five appointments with all the best printers in 50 mile vicinity. I went to see them and then they quoted me ten thousand dollars. I said to myself, ‘I have to find ten thousand dollars’.
Then, I started a kick starter campaign and fast forward, our second issue was picked up by national distributor and sold in newsstands across the country. I was 22 at the time.
The third issue had musician Halsey on the cover and I woke up to an email from Barnes and Noble asking if they could distribute my magazine as well.
So, in that three-issue process of, entrepreneurship, and running that magazine, I went from the girl that had to pull herself out of bed, to becoming an, entrepreneur, who was in charge of everything. It was like walking through quicksand. I couldn’t deal with responsibility. I became the girl that over functioned. I became the girl that went the extra mile in such a short time.
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I found out that, entrepreneurship, was two things that I felt:
Entrepreneurship, has the same highs and lows as, bipolar disorder. My mind could really understand the emotional pattern behind it.
I was unable to show up for the responsibilities in my life, because I always had a psychiatrist note that could excuse me. I didn’t have to go to friend’s birthday party because I had a, mental illness. All my friends would understand or try to understand etc.
I really used my, mental illness, as a, crutch, to avoid responsibility and avoid showing up in my life in the ways that I really needed to, but when it came to, entrepreneurship, there was no note a psychiatrist could write out because I couldn’t tap out of it .
If I tapped out, the whole thing would fall apart, so it was almost this contradictory paradox. I had to have all the responsibility on my shoulders in order for me to show up, I had to be completely present in every aspect. So, I found in the beginning of, entrepreneurship, that I showed up because I had the freedom to create what I wanted to create and I couldn’t call in sick, that didn’t work anymore.
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The entrepreneurship path leads to happiness
Myrna: I also believe that, happiness, is working towards a goal and there is no better goal than when you’re working for yourself and you’re trying to grow your business as an, entrepreneur. I also like your confession that you were using the doctor’s notes as a cop-out in life.
A lot of people do that, they lead with their illnesses. It doesn’t even have to be, mental illness, it could be a physical illness and they lead with that. Oh! I can’t do this because of this, mental illness, it’s a cop-out because we know being in the inspirational space, that people overcome challenges all the time.
They defy odds and do amazing things with no hands and no legs.
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Scout: I think it’s important. I don’t know if it’s touched upon enough and it’s something I say that can ruffle feathers or maybe trigger some people. I was addicted to my, depression. My, depression, my anxiety and my, mental illness, while it kept me in such distress and pain and chaos and crying fits and, anxiety attacks.
It kept me in my comfort zone, it kept me in the predictable, it kept me in what my body was used to. So, in many ways, it held me back from my healing because it said “no, that freedom out there, that’s unknown – (we don’t know what’s going to happen over there).
Let’s just stay in the pain so we can predict what’s happening, we know how this is going to go. It prevented me and allowed me not go through my formative early 20s not assuming responsibility for my emotional state.
So my, mental illness, was very real and tangible, and loves to visit me at times when I would prefer it not to.
There was a lot of moments and I think most of my suffering came from the fact that I allowed myself to play the victim. I blamed the cards that I was dealt on my despair and suffering. The minute I realized and took responsibility and accepted that these were the cards that I was dealt, I started to use my emotional landscape as my superpower.
Today, ten years after being diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and 16 years after having my first depressive episode, I feel wildly safe in my, emotions.
I think they are my biggest teachers, mentors and guides. They have helped me with, entrepreneurship. They are the reasons I am successful with Scott’s Agency. I also started recognizing that when I got into, entrepreneurship, this game was a, personal development, game. It wasn’t a play, it wasn’t a market strategy (those are all parts of it) but at the end of the day, successful, entrepreneurs, are successful because of their emotional strength and their, mindset.
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I saw that so many women who had the resources, the education, the access to funds, are not getting into the game of their dreams because of self-doubt, because of fear and anxiety. That’s when I woke up. My, bipolar disorder, primed me to walk through emotional hell, to gather the strength and the tools that I could then apply to living out my purpose (which is running Scouts Agency, writing books etc).
So, once I realized that it was the emotional landscape that was holding us all back from success, that’s when the light bulb went off in my brain.
Myrna: Yes, it’s true our, emotions, dictate the quality of our lives which is basically why I named this show “Transform your Mind to transform your life” because if you believe that you can, you can. And if you have this, crutch, that says you were born poor or you were born black or you were born with a, mental illness, or you were born with whatever, crutch, that you want to tell yourself, that prevents you from moving forward, and your life is not going to be transformed.
Scout: Everyone can find a, crutch, no matter who they are, no matter if their life is technically great on paper or technically really unfortunate circumstances, we can all easily rely on a, crutch.
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Entrepreneurship and the emotional ride of uncertainty
Myrna: How can, entrepreneurs, handle the emotional rollercoaster and what kind of, mindset shifts, that they need in order to become a successful, entrepreneur? You talked about your purpose and the fact that your, bipolar disorder, with your highs and lows allowed you to have the emotional strength to become an, entrepreneur.
Let’s talk about the, entrepreneur, that is doing everything. What kind of advice would you give to that, entrepreneur, (female) let’s say that wants to start a magazine or a hair salon or something and has to deal with all the aspects of, entrepreneurship, and the uncertainty?
Scout: First cultivate the belief that you’re safe in your, emotions, and then unconditionally accept that uncomfortable, emotions, are highly part of this game and that you will survive them.
That you are safe in your, emotions, and that you can reduce the suffering above the pain. What I mean by that is if you can limit the, anxiety, about the, anxiety, or the sadness about the, depression, we can work with the root cause. Uncomfortable, emotions, and really understand what it’s trying to tell us, that makes you an, entrepreneur.
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So, before you jump into the game, understand that you’re going to be juggling all the hats.
You’re going to be the customer service expert,
The graphic designer,
You’re going to be the social media manager
The sales manager.
The website designer
All these roles that you have to figure out. On top of that you’re going to have to walk through the uncomfortable discomfort that comes with that responsibility. So, know and accept that’s part of the game.
It’s really suiting up and really pulling in from your personal power and strength. It’s not expecting that, entrepreneurship, is going to be easy, fun and glamorous. That you’re always in alignment, you’re flowing with creative ideas and your courses are selling out with six figure launches automatically etc. The fires will come more often than the successes.
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Myrna: As a Lifecoach, I understand what you’re trying to say, but it’s a very hard pill to swallow, because people go into, entrepreneurship, with the dream of riches and wealth and they don’t necessarily go into it thinking of the fires. They understand it’s hard work, but it’s very hard to smile and say I’m going to walk through the fire. Tony Robbins, make you do the fire walk and I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s setting you up for that you can walk through the fire and not get burnt.
I follow Dwayne Dwyer and he talks about, living from the end. So let’s say that you become an, entrepreneur, for a certain end purpose or end game. When you’re walking through the fire, if you can see that end then it will give you the strength in order to not chuck it in and to move forward.
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Entrepreneurs need to prioritize their mental health
You said that every, entrepreneur, should prioritize their, mental health, but not every, entrepreneur, is going to have, depression, or, bipolar disorder. However, mental health, covers a gamut of things. So what’s your advice on that?
Scout: When I wrote the ‘Emotional Entrepreneur’, it was really not for the mentally ill. I think the beauty of the conversation about, mental illness, that it is coming to the forefront in the last few years. When I was diagnosed 10 years ago, no one is talking about, mental illness. Now the conversation is beautifully being opened. In the conversation about, mental illness, being open, the conversation about everyone’s daily, mental health, is being opened and that’s really the people I want to talk to.
All of my messages are not for those who struggle with, mental illness, it’s for those who have, mental health, which is all of us. I think, for too long we’ve been told that if we don’t have a, mental illness, then there’s nothing we get to prioritize. When our experience here on earth is based on how we relate to our, emotions, and many times we act in spite of our, emotions, when our, higher self, knows better or our, higher self, would have had a different plan for us.
Mental health is not only for people diagnosed with mental illness
So, if you’re an, entrepreneur, and you are listening and you’re like; ‘well, I’m going to go through fires, I’m going to go through ups and downs, I’m going to have to figure out whatever messed up our product or makes a client unhappy. Now, I got to figure out how to make payroll and all of those things you might as well emotionally feel safe during that process because your business is going to soar if you are emotionally sound and strong within.
Myrna: I’m glad you’re saying that, mental health, is not necessary for people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness, but it’s very important to keep your, mental health, strong.
One of the things that I love about your bio is that you talk about your prescription medication for the people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness. Can you share your journey?
Scout: This month celebrates one year of being, psychiatry medication, free and I don’t say that to promote the stigma or to promote anyone to go off their medication. I simply say because, psychiatry medication, got me to a point where I was able to go off them and then flourish in my life. Though, there were a lot of dark moments with me and my trial and error for medication.
If anyone is listening to this, and he’s considering, psychiatry medication, for a, mental illness, diagnosis or, mental health, diagnosis, and he’s feeling ashamed around that, I really invite you to end that shame and that stigma. There are times in our lives where we need to take things to physically and mentally treat our illnesses, our bodies, our spirits and souls etc. I never felt shame around taking the, psychiatric medication.
I really invite you to not passively wait for, psychiatry medication, to come save your mental state, but to really recognize that it’s just a little boost and the rest you really have to show up for. The idea that, psychiatry medication, is going to heal you completely, for me was very helpful because I wasn’t just passively playing the victim and waiting for something else to take over me and heal me. Medication really does a very small percentage of your healing for you.
Psychiatry medication is just the launching pad to healing
Psychiatry medication, can provide that launching pad, but really get ready for yourself to show up for you. I would say to really be your own advocate in the psychiatry office, ask about the symptoms, ask about what’s coming off the medication, ask about the withdrawals, do I have to ease off for two months?
I say this because I was put on a, psychiatry medication, where I was not given the correct information about the withdrawals and it was a really traumatic experience for me. So, it’s really good to ask about the side effects.
The Emotional Entrepreneur
Myrna: Can you tell us about your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”? You said it was not written for people that have been diagnosed specifically with, mental illness, but to help people prioritize, mental health. I like that play on words. What do you want the readers to walk away after reading your book?
Scout: The Emotional Entrepreneur is really the emotional guidebook for, entrepreneurship. If you are someone who wants to start an agency, a podcast, a product based business, a life coaching, career etc; you might be purchasing books on how to manage clients. You might even be purchasing books on how to hit six figures, you might be purchasing books on how to close more sales, deals, how to brand your website etc, this book is the emotional part of all of that. This is going to be your guidebook towards navigating fear, combating impostor syndrome and enjoying yourself along the way.
By celebrating small wins and believing in yourself, it’s going to help you reframe your relationship to your, anxiety, as you get started. It’s going to make you understand that, entrepreneurship, and starting your own business is the biggest personal development game, and you get to be emotionally supported in that.
Myrna: How can readers connect with you on social media or get a copy of your book?
Scout: You can follow me on Instagram ‘@scoutsobel’, that’s the best place to connect with me. In my bio, there are links to Scout’s Agency, my podcast and you can buy the book there. You can as well get the book on Amazon when you search for “The Emotional Entrepreneur by Scott Sobel”.
Myrna: One of my biggest takeaways about, depression, was reading the book; “The Work” by Byron Katie. I mean I have never actually heard of a, depression, like she went through. She said that she was so depressed that she had to put herself in a halfway house, and she laid on the floor and couldn’t get up and couldn’t move until one day she decided to change her inner dialogue and change her mindset.
Thank you guys all supporting the Transform Your Mind podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes if you found this content inspirational.
