Have anyone ever told you, you are capable, of anything? Drawing inspiration from Dr. Jamal Bryant‘s personal story, coach Myrna emphasizes that we are all capable of achieving greatness if we tap into our full potential.
Discover how to, transform your mindset, and unlock your full potential. In this episode of Transform Your Mind with Coach Myrna. Learn the power of believing in your capabilities, embracing a growth mindset, challenging limiting beliefs, cultivating resilience, surrounding yourself with positivity, and practicing self-compassion. With these strategies, you can achieve greatness beyond your wildest dreams, believe that, you are capable.
You are capable: Replace Self-Doubt with Self-Confidence
The human mind is a powerful tool capable of incredible feats when harnessed correctly. However, many of us underestimate our own abilities, allowing self-doubt and fear to hold us back. It's time to challenge those limited beliefs and transform your mindset. You can achieve more than you ever thought possible. Be confident because, you are capable.
As Coach Myrna shares, “The Bible says that the Lord has equipped us with everything we need to do what we're here to do on this Earth.” We are preloaded with the necessary energy, personality, and intelligence. We just need to tap into our capabilities and believe in ourselves. Replace self-doubt with self-confidence and watch how your mindset transforms.
You are capable: Do it until you achieve perfection
I was listening to an interview a few weeks back with John Lee Dumas the host of Entrepreneurs on Fire and he said that he decided to host a podcast for entrepreneurs every single day because he was a new entrepreneur and when he looked at podcasting there was none in that space. He didn't know anything about podcasting, he didn't know anything about interviewing, but he decided that he was going to get on the mic every single day and talk about entrepreneurship.
He said that it took him over 400 episodes until he started to do better interviews, but you know what at the 200 episode when he looked at it and said. I'm not terribly good. Did he stop? No because practice makes perfect. YOu are capable of doing anything, even if you don't do it well at first. Statistics show that you need 10,000 hours of practice to become perfect in anything. You need to do it until you achieve perfection, because practice makes perfect.
Embrace a Growth Mindset
Psychologist Carol Dweck popularized the concept of a growth mindset. It is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. Instead of thinking that something is hard and you can't do it, be willing to learn as you go and do what is necessary to succeed.
Coach Myrna shares her personal journey of going from selling office supplies to becoming a life coach, author, and podcaster. She never doubted her capabilities. She believed she was preloaded with everything she needed and that everything else could be learned. Success is formed through practice and perseverance. Embrace a growth mindset and be open to learning and growing.
Our beliefs shape how we show up in the world. Sometimes, we need to rewrite the script and challenge our limiting beliefs. We all have beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities that may not serve us well. These limited beliefs often stem from past experiences, societal expectations, or negative self-talk.
Coach Myrna encourages us to identify these beliefs and challenge them. Are they based on facts or simply assumptions we've accepted over time? Replace them with empowering beliefs that align with your goals and aspirations.
As the scripture says, “I can do all things through God who strengthens me.”
Challenge your limited beliefs and unlock your full potential.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and adapt to change. Building resilience requires facing challenges head-on, learning from failures, and maintaining a positive outlook. Setbacks are not failures but valuable lessons that can help you grow stronger and wiser.
Coach Myrna reminds us to cultivate resilience and view setbacks as opportunities for growth. By developing resilience, you can approach challenges with greater confidence and bounce back stronger than ever. Remember, practice makes perfect, and resilience is a key ingredient in achieving greatness.
You are capable: Surround Yourself with Positivity
The company you keep plays a significant role in shaping your mindset. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who believe in your abilities and encourage you to pursue your dreams. Their optimism and encouragement can be a powerful source of motivation and inspiration.
Coach Myrna shares the story of Pastor Jamal Bryant, who was encouraged by a senior pastor who told him, “You are capable.” This simple statement transformed his mindset and gave him the motivation to continue his work. Surrounding yourself with positivity can have a profound impact on your mindset and belief in your capabilities.
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Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your efforts and achievements, no matter how small. Forgive yourself for any mistakes or shortcomings. Remember, nobody is perfect except Jesus. Practicing self-compassion fosters a healthier mindset, boosts self-esteem, and enables you to approach challenges with greater confidence and resilience.
Coach Myrna emphasizes the importance of self-compassion. By being kind to yourself and acknowledging your efforts, you create a positive and nurturing environment for personal growth. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer to a friend. Practice self-compassion and watch how it transforms your mindset.
Conclusion
Transforming your mind begins with believing in your capabilities and embracing a growth mindset. Challenge your limited beliefs, set realistic goals, cultivate resilience, surround yourself with positivity, and practice self-compassion. By doing so, you unlock your full potential and achieve greatness beyond your wildest dreams.
Remember, you are capable, of amazing things. All you have to do is believe in yourself and tap into the preloaded capabilities within you. Transform your mind and watch how it transforms your life. As Coach Myrna says, “You are capable, and if you need some encouragement to fill up your tank, then that's basically what I want to do today.” Believe in yourself and embrace your limitless potential.
I had to, build self-confidence, so I sat on the bench of a soccer team. I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph
Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country. He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and a PhD in psychology.
This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada's most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”
Introduction Building Self Confidence
Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world, you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world, the strongest person in the world; but if you don't have this genuine belief that you have that skill, you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation, or choose to join the team.
Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?
Dr Ivan – l think like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that's American or my audience that's Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.
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There's something that's grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve. We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us. That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families. Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good. It's not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.
You could end up internalizing that message where you're never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you're pushed to the corners or to the edges of society. You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that's from your own internal belief or from society.
All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing. You're then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies, or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.
How do we Build Self confidence?
Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident, all my life and I was wondering how I, build self confidence, and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you're good at something or somebody tells you you're pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.
Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets. You'll get your opportunity, you'll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.
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How Does Build Self-confidence Equal High Performance?
Myrna – So let's transition to our, build self-confidence, topic.
Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism, grit, and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – If you don't believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure. So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success. We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we're not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn't matter how talented we are.
Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence, to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you're gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you're down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I've seen that happen.
But what I don't understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don't have the, self-confidence, that they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don't project anything, they don't protect any energy. They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room and she feels that she's got it and you know she gets the guys. Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.
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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?
Dr Ivan – Well I'll never comment on a woman's appearance or looks. What I would say that anybody whether it's a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It's the measuring stick that they're using to measure themselves against. This is key. If I'm measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I'm good enough. It's human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others. Whether it's the Joneses next door, whether it's what you did last week, we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.
So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn't think they have as much as the next person; you can't tell them they are attractive or smart, they won't believe it.
This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We'll call this maladaptive perfectionism. This is when you have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.
Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level. You believe that you can make it. You're, confident, you may have setbacks, you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.
The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure. There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
So many people out there won't ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.
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How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit
Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions. It's this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become, so you gotta stop the negative talk like:
Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
or I'm never going to get this Job
Or I'm not as smart as these folks
I can't do this, I'm no good
We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up, so you got To Stop the negative talk.
3 Centering Mantras to Build Self Confidence.
In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
Nobody outworks me,
I can learn anything.
Mantras to Build self-confidence:
1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”
2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”
3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”
We know that people who use three or more affirmations a day can increase their productivity and solve complex problems way faster and here's the one for all you business people out here.
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Myrna – I'm a big believer in positive self-talk. I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.
Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle. Act as if you already have it.
Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner's mindset?
How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset
Dr Ivan – I think a, winner's mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I'll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner's mindset.
Write a letter to yourself about all the things you're great at. There's going to be times when you feel like you can't do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.
Write that letter to yourself because, there will be times when people tell you you can't do it.
When you feel like you can't do it, that, winner's mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner's mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.
Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?
Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.
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Mastering the, Skill of Self-confidence
Tell us about your book “You've got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence” I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?
Dr Ivan – To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence. I sat on the bench of a soccer team, I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it.
One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I'd been sitting on the bench, that she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.
“What happened to your game? You let that man define your sense of self-worth. Didn't you tell me that he didn't play high level Soccer? That you've been coached by some of the best?”
I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn't believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.
It wasn't that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There's always going to be people who don't believe in you, it's your job to change that person's mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.
So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.
I'm not smart enough
I'm not rich enough
I'm not skinny enough
I don't look good here
My teeth aren't this
You get the new job and you're great but then you get the promotion
I don't know if I can do it
I don't think I can do it
What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.
I teach about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna
If you go on the website and order the book, I'll give you the course materials. I think it's a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.
Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram
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This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to [email protected] with your contact information and one lucky winner will win this $25 gift card.
Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate. So whenever you're feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!
In this post coach Myrna shares 4 tips on, how to deal with rejection, and why you have to believe, you are the one. Rejection is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape the course of our lives. Even figures of historical and religious significance, such as Jesus and David, were not immune to the sting of rejection.
Jesus was rejected in his home town because the people said he is just a carpenter, the son of Mary. We know his brothers and sisters and we’re deeply offended that he claimed to be the son of God
David was the least in his household. His father did not even call him when the prophet came to the house, he told the prophet those were all his sons until the prophet said the oil is not flowing for any of these men, so there must be another son, then the father said yes they’d is David but he is just a nobody.
Rejection is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape the course of our lives. Even figures of great historical and religious significance, such as Jesus and David, were not immune to the sting of rejection. In this solo coaching session, I want to look at lessons on, how to deal with rejection, and lessons we can learn from rejection. Also why you must believe that, you are the one. Remember Neo in the matrix? Once he believed he was the One he was invincible.
In examining the story of both Jesus and David’s rejection we gain insights into the nature of doubt, the complexities of identity, and the resilience required on, how to overcome rejection.
The story of Jesus' rejection in his hometown of Nazareth is a poignant reminder that familiarity does not always breed acceptance. Despite performing miracles and teaching with authority, Jesus faced skepticism and disbelief from those who had known him as a child. The people said He is just a carpenter, I know his mom and his brothers and sisters. Jesus commented “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town” captures the essence of, how to deal with rejection. Jesus' experience teaches us that our friends and even family members can reject you and not give you respect even when you are doing something extraordinary.
David: The Overlooked Anointed One
The story of David's anointing as king provides another example of the complexities of rejection and, how to deal with rejection. When the prophet Samuel visited Jesse's household to anoint the future king of Israel, David's own father did not initially consider him a candidate. Instead, Jesse presented his older, seemingly more qualified sons. This oversight illustrates the limitations of human perception and the tendency to judge based on appearances rather than character or potential.
1. **The Power of Perseverance:** Both Jesus and David demonstrated remarkable perseverance in the face of rejection. This is the first tip on, how to deal with rejection. They did not allow doubt or skepticism to deter them from their missions. Their stories remind us that setbacks can be stepping stones to greatness when met with determination.
2. **The Importance of Self-Belief:** Jesus and David both held strong convictions about their identities and callings. This is tip #2 on, how to handle rejection, you have to believe that, you are the one. Their unwavering self-belief allowed them to rise above the opinions of others and fulfill their destinies. They believed that they were the One. This underscores the significance of self-awareness and confidence in navigating challenges.
3. **Have an Open Mind:** The reactions of those around Jesus and David serve as a reminder of the, dangers of closed-mindedness. Rejection can stem from biases, limited perspectives, and societal norms. Embracing open-mindedness and being willing to see beyond the surface can lead to greater understanding and acceptance. Never judge the book by its cover.
4. **The Unpredictability of Purpose:** Both stories highlight the unpredictability of, divine purpose. The rejected stone can become the cornerstone, and the overlooked shepherd boy can become a mighty king. These narratives encourage us to remain open to the unexpected directions that our lives may take.
The stories of Jesus' rejection in his hometown and David's overlooked anointing remind us that even the most revered figures faced doubt and rejection. These accounts offer valuable lessons about perseverance, self-belief, open-mindedness, and the unpredictable nature of purpose. By examining these narratives, we can draw inspiration to overcome our own challenges, embrace our identities, and navigate the complexities of rejection with grace and resilience.
So What is, self- confidence? How do we define, self- confidence, and what does it look like?
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
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In Today's #podcast Arifah and I are talking on the topic of How to build, Self-confidence, we want to shed some light on one of the top struggles of , African American women, self-confidence,
In the co-host chair today is registered, social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf.
What is Self-Confidence?
The most important thing to remember about, self- confidence, is that we were born with it. It is our natural state.
How many of you remember your play days as kids? As a child I was always the doctor or teacher.
Boys have no fear. They would climb to the tallest point in their home, put on a cape and jump! They were Superman!
So I would define, self- confidence, as certainty. Confident and certain that you are able to handle your job, your family, social events and personal relationships.
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
But a large percentage of, African American women, and men suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, because of negative input from parents, peers, and loved ones.
Usually centered on their intellect, the color of their skin, their hair, their lips, their butt, the section of town they live, their lack of designer clothing, and the list goes on.
It is important to note that lack of, self-confidence, always comes from negative comments that you believe. If you don't let these negative comments in, they will never take root and grow.
Here is a story showcasing how a lack of, self-confidence, usually starts.
A surgeon opened his office one day and found a tall black man in the waiting room. He was six feet four inches tall and towered over the surgeon. He complained about his lip. You see his underlip protruded out from his top lip. His girlfriend told him she was ashamed to be seen in public with him because of his ugly lip; so he came to the surgeon to get it fixed.
The surgeon told him there was nothing wrong with his lip, it was just a minor protrusion. The black man insisted on getting it fixed; so the surgeon gave him an outrageous price of $1200 hoping he would go away.
He did, he said that he didn't have that kind of money. But lo and behold, he came back the next day with a little black bag in his hand. He dumped the contents on the table. Bills poured out, his life savings; $1200 worth!
The doctor was shocked. He didn't want to deprive the man of his life savings so he made him an offer. He agreed to do the surgery for a smaller fee on the condition that he tell his lady love that he paid $1200 for the surgery.
The operation was simple enough and one week later all the bandages came off and the man had a smaller lip he was proud of. All the surgery was done inside the lip so he had no visible scars except for a small scar inside the lip. The man was happy, he strode from the doctor’s office full of, self-confidence, A commanding figure. Tall, black and proud.
However a few weeks later he was back in the surgeon’s office. His body seemed to have shrunk, his hands lost their strength, his voice squeaked. The doctor asked him what happened to him.
He said “the African Bug, sir. It got me and it's killing me”
He told the doctor after he removed the bandages he went to see his lady love. She loved his lip and asked him how much he paid for the surgery. When he told her $1200, she became enraged and cursed him saying she could have used that $1200 and accused him of hiding the money from her. She cursed him and told him he would die.
Deeply troubled and hurt, the man laid in his bed for 4 days worrying about this curse that was going to kill him. Then running his tongue around, he discovered the horrible thing inside his mouth. He went to see a medical doctor who checked his mouth and confirmed that “the slimy African bug was stuck inside his mouth and it was indeed killing him.
The surgeon looked at this diminished and fearful man and asked him “Is it really in your mouth?”
“Yes sir,” the man said “the doctor tried to help get rid of it with liquids, pastes and potions – but nothing worked. The curse is too strong”. It’s burned inside my lip.
“Your lip?”
“Yes sir” the man said
“You didn't say lip before”
The doctor ran his finger at the back of the man's lip and told the disbelieving man that “the bug” was no more than scar tissue from his surgery.
The disbelieving man looked up in wonder and asked “then there is no African bug?”
The man stood up. Instantly he seemed to have regained his full height and strength. A rich smile spread over his face and his voice boomed out again. His, self-confidence, had returned.
The moral of this story is that you can’t get your, self-confidence, from other people. You have to take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and deal with them on your own terms.
Let's bring Arifah into this, self-confidence, conversation. Arifah is a, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health issues. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.
Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.
Arifah I am sure that a large population of your clients suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, Why do you think that is?
I think there are many reasons young people lack, self-confidence, I often work with young people who experienced unhappy childhoods or maybe their parents neglected them in some way or they weren't involved much in their lives.
Also I'd say lack of, self -confidence, sometimes comes from negative input from teachers or authority figures in their lives. Sometimes teachers have a way of saying things that discourage young people. Making them feel inadequate made and like they couldn't be successful. That kind of influenced how they feel about themselves and their, self-confidence, I'd also say young people who have experienced trauma or bullying from their peers can obviously influence their, self-confidence,
I believe that when young people don't value themselves and sometimes that comes from people not validating them, they often lack, self-confidence,
How to Build Your Self-Confidence through Courageous acts
As a, life coach, I believe that Courage is a byproduct of, self confidence,
It takes courage to walk up on stage and speak to an audience large or small.
It takes courage to call that guy you like and ask him out.
It takes courage to go into that interview even though you have no idea what you are going to say.
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So how do you make yourself, Face the Fear, but do it anyway?
Tell yourself that it is not going to kill you.
My grandmother used to say “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger”
And that's exactly what, Feeling the fear but doing it anyway does for you. It makes you stronger, it builds your, self-confidence, muscle because even if you bombed you got practice and practice also makes perfect!
Here are my steps to build your, self-confidence, muscle on public speaking or doing a presentation at work.
You can start by writing out your speech word for word and just read it
Then as you get more, self- confidence, and your brain recorded that you did not die, you weren't booed off the stage, nobody laughed at you.
So the next step is to write out the headlines and speak from the heart on your headlines
Sooner or later you will have, self- confidence, muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tony Robbins and command the attention of the audience.
Arifah What are your steps to building the, self-confidence, muscle?
I find that it wasn't only their, self-confidence muscle, that needed to be built up, it was their self-worth, it was a whole bunch of things there was all built into the one thing. If we were to put a label on it, it would be that we're not enough.
You would not believe how many people feel that they are not enough; even the most successful
people like, Michelle Obama, in her book “Becoming Michelle Obama” felt that she wasn't good enough. Why did she feel that way? Because she was black and from the south side of Chicago!
As, African American women, we have got a lot of things that we have to deal with, we just have to believe that we are all born with purpose and with the love of God.
I have seven steps that I use to help my clients gain, self-confidence:
Self-reflection – every time I meet with them, I allow them to self-reflect on their day self-reflect on things that were happening in their lives with gratitude.
Acknowledgement and self-acceptance – what makes them unique because everybody is unique.
Positive reinforcement – praising their effort and not obsessing over mistakes.
Mastering a skill – I had the girls work on a project. They created their own YouTube video. Everyone mastered a skill in the production of the video.
Communication skills – I do a lot of exercises around different forms of communication. Assertiveness, passive, passive aggressive etc.
Positive self-talk and affirmations – paying attention to their internal dialogue
Pay it forward – giving back helps build, self-confidence,
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Coach Myrna share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.
Welcome to, Transformation Fridays, with Coach Myrna today I would like to teach on the topic how to, raise your self esteem, by erasing, self doubt.
First let me give you the definition of, self-confidence, self-confidence, is defined as a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment.
Self-esteem, is confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. Pretty similar.
I was listening to a Ted talk video some time back and the speaker was telling his back story. He said for 10 years he smoked crack, when he woke up and before he went to bed every day. Hoping to numb the pain of living. He was a disappointment to his mother, his wife and his children. He felt worthless! So, no, self-esteem.
On his second trip to prison, he spent a total of 8 years in prison, his adopted mother had a heart attack and died. He felt pretty low that this woman who adopted him and loved him as her own and who tried to give him a better life, was now in the hospital, and he was not there to offer her comfort. The prison did not even allow him to go to her funeral. This was the first spark of change in him. Maybe he should do something with his life other than being a mess up.
When he got out of prison this time he decided to go to college. He was now a middle-aged black man and he was in college with 20-year-old white students. Never the less he did good and now looked forward to the accolades his teachers gave him because he was performing better than expected. He said that praise was now his new drug. He lived for his teachers praises. One day one of his teachers put an application for a job on his desk. He couldn’t believe it. His teacher had, confidence, in him, his teacher had confidence in his ability to do the job.
The, self-confidence, seedling inside him got water and grew a little. As his self-confidence grew his life changed. No longer was he a non-contributing member of society, he was making a contribution. He now had a new family and 7 years after he was released from prison, he received his PHD in Physiology!
Self-confidence, doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes you have to practice and practice until you build it. Sometimes it comes from your teachers, your parents, your friends or your boss.
So today I want to share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.
But before we can get to the solution of anything or before we can get to anywhere on the map, we have to know how we got to where we are right now and pinpoint where we are.
For example. If you are at the mall and you are wanting to go to Macy's department store you look at the map and it shows “You are here” if you want to get to Macy's than you know you have to walk right or left. It is the same way in life.
Statics show that we can shed a lot of light on how we got here on the map by looking at our childhood. You see parenting does not come with a manual and some parents get it right; but most get it wrong.
Understanding your, inner child, is very important to unlocking the door of where you are on the map today. You see when you came into the world you were totally dependent on someone else to care for you. Not just to feed you, bathe you, and to keep you warm, but to love you, protect you and nurture you.
If whenever you cried your mother or caregiver came and picked you up and smiled at you and comforted you, then you transformed that into the feeling that you are important.
If, however when you cried you were ignored, then you formed the feeling that you were unwanted. Even though you have no memory of being a baby, your heart and your internal computers have a record of everything. A hypnotist can go back and pull it out. That is the root of, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, that has now grown into an oak tree!
If you are listening to me and you are experiencing, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, or you don't understand why you are not getting the results you want. Why you are here on the map and you can never get over there. I challenge you to do the work find out why.
I was watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday a few months ago and she had a guest who talked about going back to your childhood home in your mind and looking out the window. What do you see?
I grew up poor in Guyana but with a lot of love. When I looked through the window of the room, we lived in. I saw that even though I was poor, I had hope, I had love, I had friends, and I was happy. I saw that I had, self-confidence, because I did well in school and I had many boyfriends. I had, self-confidence, because I believed I was intelligent like my dad who was a professor.
What do you see when you look through the window of your childhood home? Can you find the root of your, lack of self-confidence, and, self-doubt?
Here are a few reasons we develop low self-esteem
We were inadequately nurtured as children.
We could have absorbed negative messages about ourselves and it still resides in the core of our beings.
Parents or teachers extremely critical.
Poor academic performance in school.
Did not fit in either because of looks or clothing or religion.
Trauma, Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse can all significantly affect our feelings of self-worth. If you find yourself replaying memories of abuse or otherwise feeling tormented by or ashamed of your experiences, please consider seeking treatment from a licensed clinician.
Parenting style. The way we were treated in our family of origin can affect us long after childhood. For instance, if you had a parent who constantly belittled you, compared you to others, or told you that you would never amount to anything, you likely carry those messages with you today. A parent’s struggles with, mental health, and substance abuse can also change your relationship with the world.
Bullying, harassment, and humiliation.Childhood bullying can leave a mark on your confidence when it comes to looks, intellectual and athletic abilities, and other areas of your life. Humiliating experiences in adulthood, including workplace harassment or a peer group that disrespects or demeans you, can also make you less willing to speak up for yourself or pursue ambitious goals.
Gender, race, and sexual orientation. Scores of studies show women are socialized to worry more about how they’re perceived and, therefore, to take fewer risks. Racial and cultural background and sexual orientation can make a difference, too. If you’ve been on the receiving end of discrimination, you may have internalized some negative, untrue messages about your potential and whether you “belong.”
When we grow our, self-esteem, we expand our capacity for happiness.
The higher your, self-esteem, the more equipped you are to handle life's adversities.
The higher your, self-esteem, the more ambitious you are not necessary in a career; but in forming healthy relationships and not repeating destructive patterns.
The higher your, self-esteem, the more likely you are to form nourishing bonds with others.
Higher, self esteem, enables you to love yourself.
How do you know if you love yourself?
Ask yourself these questions?
• Do I take care of myself?
• Do I make being healthy a priority?
• Am I stretching and challenging myself to be better than I am today?
• Am I living life with passion or am I just passing through?
If you answered No to any of these questions then you need to make some changes in your life before you get to 80 years old and realize that you never lived.
The weeds that take over the garden of your mind can only flourish if you are a bad gardener!
You have to protect your dreams by plucking up the weeds before they grow. They will come. Self-doubt, always comes; but you have to pluck them out by speaking of your goals and doing something to get you moving towards the place on the map you want to go.
That is why you have to know where you are so you won't move in the opposite direction.
First Think it. There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare.
Rhonda Bryne of the secret says “What you think about you bring about”
Your thoughts affect your attitude your, self-confidence, your mood, and there is a direct relationship to your thoughts and your experiences in life.
Remember when you were a kid and your parents would tell not to hang around Johnny or Jane? They did not know why; but they knew that if you kept company with Johnny or Jane, no good would come of you.
In the same way if you keep replaying negative emotions in your head such as fear, discontent, anger, jealousy, insecurities, blame etc. then no good will come of you because you will keep attracting more negative energy to your experience.
But let’s say you are wanting that promotion and you see yourself in this new role and you are confident that you will get this promotion then you will. You might not get it at your first try but if you keep trying and never give up it will be yours eventually; conversely, if you want this promotion; but you place road blocks in your path such as any and all negative thoughts, then chances are you will never attract this reality into your experience.
When we think, our thoughts become like magnets and attract, and then attach to like thoughts. That is why what you think about you bring about.
Nothing shows up in our life unless we attract it.
We have all seen the power of the Law of attraction in motion when if we have something bad happen to us at the beginning of the day, bad things keep on happening for the rest of the day.
So, it is very important to watch what you think.
Now let's take a look at Speak it.
The spoken word is a powerful tool and by leveraging your voice you expand your dreams from internal thoughts to external possibilities, laying the ground work for divine purpose to manifest. Deepak Chopra
When you take your thoughts, which are formless and speak them into the atmosphere you give them form. This empowers them.
“Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all will be well with you. God shall hear your words and make them true.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox
So, remember to speak it. Tell a friend or your coach of your intentions.
And lastly “just do it.” Nike made this phrase popular but it applies to more than athletics. Just do it. There will never be a better time than the present.
“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once will never do anything.”
― Samuel Johnson
So “just do it.” Think about something you have been thinking of doing for some time. Tell someone about it and then take the first step. It does not have to be a giant step. It could be as simple as doing research or taking that nice red Mercedes out for a test drive; but it will be a step in the right direction.
I hope my presentation was thought provoking. These are the principles I live by and I attract all that I want into my experience; so give it a try.
If you lacked self-confidence or self-esteem I hope this episode gave you a starting point to change your thinking because when you transform your mind you will transform your life.
Kanye West's mother Donda built up her son's, self confidence, by speaking life into him. She told him “If you are a giant, you can’t see yourself when you look in the mirror”
In this episode of, 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I want to teach on, self-confidence, and use the Netflix documentary of, Kanye West, as the background story.
Kanye West, grew up poor in Chicago and started rapping at a young age. He started producing beats in his teens and created beats for legends like Jayz and others. But his vision was to be a rapper and nobody would give him a record deal as a rapper, because he was labeled a producer. His mother Donda kept speaking to his, confidence, she kept building him up by telling him he was great.
She told him “If you are a giant, you can’t see yourself when you look in the mirror”
That was a powerful statement and Kanye used that as his fuel to keep pushing and he finally got that record deal with Roc-A-Fella records, but he still had to push to get his first album released. The album was an immediate hit topping the charts at #1 and he was nominated for 10 Grammys. Kanye West, is now on his way to becoming the richest black man in America.
Kanye West mother spoke life into him by calling him a giant
Kanye's, confidence, was stroked by his mother. She told him he was a genius and a, giant, and he started walking and talking like a, giant. It all started with his mother Donda watering his dreams and building his, confidence, until according to, Kanye, his brain became too big for his head. That was his explanation for his battle with, mental illness.
Let’s look at that statement a, giant, looks in the, mirror, and sees nothing.
Self-confidence, is looking at yourself and knowing that you are crushing it. Whatever it is but if you lack, self-confidence, when you look in the, mirror, you see nothing; there is no reflection of beauty. You see failure, you see your flaws, you see not enough. What, Kanye West Donda, was saying to, Kanye, was that he was so great that he couldn’t comprehend it and so couldn’t see it when he looked in the, mirror.
That is the most powerful builder of, self-confidence, I had ever heard because from then on whenever, Kanye, doubted himself, he would remember his mother’s words that he just couldn’t see his greatness because he was bigger than even the, mirror.
We are all giants and limitless
We can all be, giants, because we are limitless. We can become anything we want, but what holds us back is feeling small when we look in the, mirror. The people of Israel saw themselves as, grasshoppers, they saw themselves small and insignificant. Remember, Kanye West Donda, words a, giant, looks in the, mirror, and sees nothing, so keep pushing until the, mirror, catches up to your vision.
Parents remember to speak into your children’s lives. Richard Williams spoke into Venus Williams and Serena Williams lives. He told them that they will become the best in game of tennis. He told them that they are future champions and they would win Wimbledon and they believed and came into agreement. Serena Williams did become the greatest in the game of tennis.
I speak into my children’s lives all the time. Sometimes they come into agreement and sometimes they feel that because I am mom, that I should say these things. Don’t worry if they don’t look like they are accepting your vision. Remember the movie Inception. All you are doing is planting seeds, when the time comes, that seed will become a forest.
So, keep speaking life into your children, into your spouse, into yourself. Tell yourself that when a, giant, looks in the, mirror, he sees nothing so if you don’t see anything it is because you are a, giant! Everyone sees the, giant, except you.
Conclusion
This is life coach Myrna Young and you are listening to, 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach for daily inspiration. Until next time Namaste
In her book ” Out of the Snares, Author Bernadette Trotman shares how, self love, can bring you out of the snares of, poverty, addiction, child abuse and any other snare of the trapper.
The 9th Principle taught in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” is Love.
Love. This 4 letter word is so powerful! and, self love, is this love turned inside.
Love including, self love is the most powerful force in the universe!
It can break the bonds of years, sometimes generations of, addictions, and, generational curses.
God's Love for Humanity
God's love, for humanity caused him to send his only begotten son Jesus to die for our sins so that we can have everlasting life.
A mother's love, for her child gives her superhuman strength, to save her child from death or injury.
The love we have for our wife and husband keeps off stress and diseases when that love is active and healthy.
You see when we are in the throes of our love experiences, we look at the world through rose colored glasses.
Everything is sunny. We stop to smell the roses.
Our hearts beat faster when our loved ones are near.
We ride the energy waves of this spiritual connection and in turn we feel energized, we smile and laugh more and we don't sweat the small stuff!
Research shows that this positive energy force cleanses our ethereal bodies and removes patches of stuck energies that can cause disease.
Get out of the Snares with Self Love
In my book “Out of the Snares” A story of hope and encouragement,
I share my encounters with love. These encounters have shaped my current world and allowed me to embrace love because I know from personal experiences how good it feels!
The energy of love combined with, sexual energy, is even more powerful!
When you transmute, sexual energy, for the person you love, you can create or imagine life changing books, companies and inventions that propel humanity forward!
In order for you to give love to another you must first have, self love, inside of you.
You have to love yourself, you have to love your world or the space you work and play in your world.
You have to love God, your creator.
When you have, self love, you gain, self confidence
Self-confidence is necessary for you to be successful in your career and in your business
Click the link below to hear a powerful story of how lack of self-confidence can ruin your world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J1ECHTnc64
Love doesn't have to be the Notebook kind with grand gestures and sacrifice.
We love to watch movies like the Notebook about true love that never dies.
We are inspired by stories about Edward, Prince of Wales and Wallace Simpson and how he chose love over the throne; but most of us would settle for the simple acts of love.
This artist depicts these acts in her paintings so wonderfully and every couple should aspire to connect on this level.
• Who wouldn't love their spouse coming up and giving them a hug while they are cooking in the kitchen?
• Who wouldn't love their spouse watching chick flicks with them and enjoying it as much as they do?
• Who wouldn't love going out for ice cream and licking each other ice cream cones and stealing a kiss?
• Who wouldn't love just being in a room and just enjoying each other, laying on your husbands lap while you read a book?
• Who wouldn't like coming home and seeing your husband with a apron on in the kitchen cooking dinner?
Love shouldn't be only for your spouse, children, family and friends. Love should be for all relationships in and out of the workplace, with customers, suppliers, everyone!
Giving love and compassion to the people you work with yields immense, self love.
Here are 5 ways to be a LoveCat at work with, self love:
1. Greet everyone who walks into your office or room with eye contact and a smile.
2. Hug your close associates or people you have a personal relationship at work.
3. Replace the word Hate with the word, self love, whenever you can and watch it transform the energy.
4. Read lots of books and offer the knowledge gained from these books to your co-workers to help them with projects, initiatives or difficult personal situations.
5. Start a book club at work and have everybody share cliff notes from the books read.
All in all, self love, is like a boomerang, it always comes back so give it freely.
It is like seeds that blow in the wind. It does not always come back from the people we choose to love; but it always comes back
Check out my chapter on Love in my book “Out of the Snares” A story of hope and encouragement.
