What is the, type of woman men fall for? Drawing from conversations with Relationship coach Andre Parades, Coach Myrna discusses the qualities that make a woman irresistible to men and how women can, become the, type of woman any man wants to marry.
Drawing inspiration from a conversation between Jesus and a, Samaritan woman, coach Myrna emphasizes the importance of intelligence, confidence, independence, communication, kindness, self-improvement, positivity, and a sense of humor in attracting a partner and building a meaningful relationship. By focusing on self-improvement and fostering genuine connections, women can create a solid foundation for love and marriage.
In John chapter 4 Jesus has a great conversation with a, Samaritan woman. Because Jesus is Omniscience, which means all-knowing, he is aware of the past, present, and future. He told her she had 5 husbands and living with a man who she is not married to.
Society judges’ women who have a lot of husbands. It carries an element of shame to it. So today I want to flip that around and look at, why a man wants to marry a woman.
First and foremost, what men want. Men are looking for, intelligent women. A woman who can talk on all topics and can have a stimulating conversation.
The Samaritan woman was such a woman. Jesus knew who she was before he sought her out to talk to her and on cue, she started the conversation by asking “So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship?”
After that she started taking about the Messiah. Jesus said I am the Messiah.
So, ladies the message today is, Are you, the type of woman a man falls in love with?
Here are some ways that you can prepare to shine when you are in the spotlight, when you too can tell your friends “I met a man”
So what type of woman is an alpha male attracted to? In the intricate dance of love and relationships, there’s no magic formula to make someone fall in love with you. However, there are certain qualities and behaviors that can enhance your attractiveness and create a solid foundation for a meaningful connection. Today, we will explore how you can become a woman any man wants to marry, the type of woman a man falls in love with, by focusing on self-improvement and fostering a genuine connection.
Cultivate Confidence: Embrace Your Inner Strengths
To become, the type of woman a man falls in love with, you must have self-confidence. Confidence is magnetic. Embrace your strengths, be comfortable with your flaws, by becoming flawesome and radiate self-assurance. “Confidence not only makes you attractive, but it also creates an environment where others feel comfortable and inspired around you.” When you exude confidence, you become a beacon of positivity and allure and, the type of woman a man falls in love with.
The type of woman men fall for: The Independent Woman
While partnership is essential in a marriage, maintaining individuality is equally crucial. As the transcript states, “A woman with a strong sense of self is not only attractive but also brings added depth to a relationship.” By pursuing your passions, having your own goals, and demonstrating a sense of independence, you become a well-rounded and captivating partner.
Prioritize Communication: The Key to Connection
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. As the transcript suggests, “Being able to communicate honestly and respectfully fosters understanding and strengthens the emotional bond between you and your partner.” By learning to express your thoughts and feelings openly and actively listening, you create a safe space for vulnerability and intimacy to flourish.
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What men want: an Empathatic Woman
Kindness goes a long way in building lasting connections. Show empathy, be considerate, and prioritize compassion in your interactions. “A woman who exudes kindness not only attracts a partner but also contributes to the overall well-being of the relationship.” By nurturing kindness and compassion, you create a nurturing and loving environment that fosters a deep emotional connection.
Invest in Self-Improvement: The Journey of Personal Growth
Continuously strive to grow and better yourself. “Investing in yourself not only makes you more interesting but also demonstrates a commitment to personal growth that can be inspiring to others and make you attractive to men.” That is also the type of woman a player falls in love with. Whether it’s through education, personal development, or acquiring new skills, investing in yourself showcases your dedication to self-improvement and adds depth to your character.
The Power of Optimism: The type of woman a man falls in love with.
Maintain a positive attitude and approach challenges with optimism. As the transcript states, “Positivity is infectious and can create a harmonious atmosphere in your relationship.” By embracing a positive outlook, you become a source of inspiration and support for your partner. A woman who can navigate life’s ups and downs with grace is someone many men would aspire to have by their side and is, the type of woman a man falls in love with.
Cultivate a Sense of Humor: The Joy of Laughter
Laughter is a powerful bonding tool. Cultivate a sense of humor, find joy in the little things, and share lighthearted moments with your partner. As the transcript suggests, “A woman who can bring joy and laughter into a relationship is sure to be cherished.” By embracing humor, you create a joyful and light-hearted atmosphere that strengthens the emotional connection between you and your partner.
Becoming the Type of Woman Men Fall for
Becoming a woman any man wants to marry, involves a combination of self-discovery, personal growth, and fostering positive qualities. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to love, by embracing your authenticity and cultivating these traits, you can create a foundation for a fulfilling and lasting relationship. Remember, the journey to becoming irresistible is not about changing who you are, but rather about embracing your unique qualities and continuously striving to be the best version of yourself.
As you embark on this journey, keep in mind the words of Jesus in his conversation with the Samaritan woman. He saw her for who she truly was, and she engaged him in a stimulating conversation. By embodying intelligence, confidence, independence, effective communication, kindness, self-improvement, positivity, and a sense of humor, you can become the woman any man wants to marry.
So, ladies, prepare to shine when you are in the spotlight, and one day, you too can proudly tell your friends, “I met a man.” The power to unlock the qualities that make you irresistible lies within you. Embrace it, nurture it, and watch as love and happiness find their way into your life.
Conclusion and Future Outlook: Type of woman men fall for
The journey to, becoming the, type of woman men fall for, is not a destination but a continuous process of, personal growth and self-improvement. As you navigate the complexities of love and relationships, remember to stay true to yourself, embrace your uniqueness, and never stop learning and evolving. By embodying the qualities discussed in this guide, you will not only attract the right partner but also create a strong foundation for a lifelong connection filled with love, understanding, and mutual respect.
Unlock the qualities that make you irresistible, and embrace the journey of becoming, the woman any man wants to marry. Your future awaits, filled with endless possibilities for love and happiness.
Dr. Victoria Veytsman, a celebrity cosmetic dentist, joins the podcast to discuss cosmetic dentistry, and, smile makeovers. She explains that a, smile makeover, can transform a person’s confidence and eliminate insecurities. Dr. Veytsman offers a range of, cosmetic dentistry services, including, smile makeovers, veneers, teeth whitening, and dento-facial aesthetics. She emphasizes the importance of, dental health, for overall well-being and highlights the link between, oral health, and, systemic health. Dr. Veytsman believes that transforming your smile can be the starting point for a 360-degree life transformation.
Welcome back to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio podcast and television show. I’m your host, Life Coach Myrna Young, and today we have a special guest in the studio, Dr. Victoria Veytsman, a celebrity cosmetic dentist known as Dr. V. We will be discussing the power of a smile and how it can transform lives. Dr. V is an expert in, cosmetic dentistry, and has worked with prominent organizations such as Miss America, Miss Universe 2023, and the New York Giants cheerleaders, as well as celebrities and media personalities. She believes that a beautiful smile can boost confidence and change lives. So let’s dive into the, power of a smile, and how Dr. V can help you achieve the smile of your dreams.
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The Power of a Smile: A Cosmetic Dentistry Journey
Dr. V begins by emphasizing the transformative power of, cosmetic dentistry. She explains that her practice focuses exclusively on, cosmetic dentistry, which involves beautifying and restoring smiles to their full potential. Through, smile makeovers, Dr. V helps her patients achieve health, beauty, harmony, and symmetry in their smiles. The result is a newfound sense of confidence and the elimination of long-standing insecurities. Dr. V believes that transforming your smile can have a profound impact on your mindset and overall well-being.
Understanding Smile Makeovers: From Discolored Teeth to Veneers
A, smile makeover, can encompass a range of treatments, depending on the patient’s needs. Dr. V explains that, smile makeovers, can involve simple procedures such as, teeth whitening, or bonding, as well as more extensive treatments like veneers or full mouth reconstructions. Veneers, in particular, are thin shells of porcelain that are placed on top of the teeth to mask discoloration, change the shape, and create a more harmonious smile. Dr. V emphasizes that each treatment plan is tailored to the individual patient, ensuring a personalized and natural-looking result.
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Addressing Crowded Teeth: Invisalign and Orthodontic Specialists
Crowded teeth are a common concern for many individuals seeking a, smile makeover. Dr. V explains that minor crowding or spacing issues can often be addressed with clear aligners, such as Invisalign. However, more severe cases of crowding may require the expertise of an orthodontic specialist. Dr. V believes in collaborating with specialists to ensure the best possible outcome for her patients. By working together, they can address both, cosmetic dentistry, and functional aspects of the smile, providing comprehensive care.
The Link Between Dental Health and Overall Well-being
Dr. V emphasizes the importance of, dental health, in relation to overall well-being. She explains that oral health issues can often be an indicator of underlying systemic health problems. Conversely, maintaining good oral health can contribute to better cardiovascular and brain health. Dr. V believes that taking care of your, oral health, is an essential part of self-care and can have a significant impact on your overall health and confidence.
The Intersection of Cosmetic Dentistry and Anti-Aging
Dr. V also specializes in anti-aging dentistry, a term that refers to restoring the smile to its natural function and appearance. She explains that the mouth is one of the first areas to show signs of aging, with discoloration, chipping, and missing teeth being common concerns. By addressing these issues, Dr. V can help her patients look and feel younger. Anti-aging dentistry, can take years off a person’s appearance and contribute to a more youthful and vibrant smile.
The Art of Dento-Facial Aesthetics: Designing Smiles to Match Personalities
Dento-facial aesthetics, is a philosophy that Dr. V follows in her practice. It involves looking at the entire face when designing smiles, taking into account factors such as eye shape, nose shape, lip shape, skin tone, and even personality. Dr. V believes that smiles have personalities too, and she tailors each smile makeover to reflect the individual’s unique characteristics. Whether someone is introverted or extroverted, Dr. V can design a smile that aligns with their personality and enhances their overall beauty.
The Ripple Effect: How a Smile Makeover Can Transform Lives
Dr. V has witnessed firsthand the transformative power of a, smile makeover. She has seen patients who have struggled with insecurities for years or even their entire lives gain newfound confidence and take bold steps in their personal and professional lives. A beautiful smile can be the catalyst for positive change, inspiring individuals to reach their full potential. Dr. V believes that a smile makeover is not just about the physical transformation but also about the internal growth and self-actualization that comes with it.
Conclusion: Embracing the Power of a Smile
In conclusion, the power of a smile, cannot be underestimated. Dr. Victoria Veytsman, a celebrity cosmetic dentist, has dedicated her practice to transforming lives through, smile makeovers and, cosmetic dentistry. She believes that a beautiful smile can boost confidence, eliminate insecurities, and inspire individuals to reach their full potential. By addressing both the cosmetic and functional aspects of the smile, Dr. V creates personalized treatment plans that enhance the overall beauty and harmony of the face. Whether you’re seeking a minor enhancement or a complete smile transformation, cosmetic dentistry near me, can help you achieve the smile of your dreams. Embrace, the power of a smile, and unlock the door to a brighter, more confident future.
Future Outlook: The Continued Impact of Cosmetic Dentistry
As, cosmetic dentistry, continues to evolve, the possibilities for, smile makeovers, are endless. Advancements in technology and materials allow for more natural-looking results, while the focus on holistic treatment approaches ensures that the entire face is taken into consideration. The intersection of, cosmetic dentistry, and, anti-aging dentistry, will likely become even more prominent as individuals seek to maintain a youthful appearance. With the power to transform lives and boost confidence, cosmetic dentistry, will undoubtedly play a significant role in the future of self-care and personal transformation.
Elizabeth Pizzarello, author of “Eclipsed,” shares her inspiring journey of, facing blindness, and finding hope and happiness in the face of adversity. She discusses how she built confidence and acclimatized to a life in the dark, and the miraculous surgery that restored some of her sight. Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of never giving up and believing in oneself, and encourages others to find gratitude and appreciation in every aspect of life. Her book serves as a motivational and inspirational message to readers.
Welcome back to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life podcast. I’m your host, Myrna Young, and today we have a very special guest on our Author’s Corner segment. Elizabeth Pizzarello, an author and advocate, joins us to share her incredible story of resilience and triumph by, facing blindness. Her book, “Eclipsed,” chronicles her journey and offers inspiration to those facing catastrophic loss. I am honored to have Elizabeth here with us today.
Elizabeth’s story begins two weeks before her college graduation, when she was diagnosed with a genetic eye disease that would eventually lead to her blindness. Facing blindness, the news shattered her confidence and left her spinning in fear and uncertainty. Over the course of twelve years, Elizabeth gradually lost her sight, experiencing the closing in of her visual field, the loss of perception and color, and eventually complete darkness.
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Facing blindness aand navigating life in the dark was a tremendous challenge for Elizabeth. She had to confront her fears, accept her blindness, and find a way to build confidence and acclimate to her new reality. It was a process that required her to acknowledge the enormity of her situation and come to terms with it. Elizabeth shares, “The hardest thing was to actually hear myself say, ‘Beth, you are going blind.’ Because for a while there, it was so unbelievable. It was like I ignored it. It wasn’t going to happen to me. But it was, and so I didn’t discuss it honestly and I couldn’t read a menu in a restaurant. I said, you know, I’m having a little bit of sight problem. Going blind is a big little sight problem. And I think that things started really turning when I got real with myself.”
Despite the challenges she faced, Elizabeth found a way to thrive in her blindness. She learned to appreciate the small things in life and find happiness in the midst of darkness. She shares, “The greatest gift I got from, facing blindness, was learning to really appreciate every single aspect of what you can do, see, experience. Because when I had sight, a weed in between the sidewalk crack was a weed. Let’s get rid of it. But when you have a dandelion in the crack of a sidewalk after you’ve been blind for over ten years, you are having a party over it because you can’t believe you see that again.”
After twelve years of living in darkness, Elizabeth received a newly developed, lens implant surgery, that restored some of her sight. While she still has limited vision in one eye, the surgery was a miraculous breakthrough for her. She describes the moment she regained her sight, saying, “The first thing I saw was this old buick I had brought to Florida from when I had moved down here from New Jersey. And I thought, oh, my goodness, can that be? And at first, I thought I was dreaming. And then I went out to the entry of my house, and my house had been destroyed with a hurricane.
I was in the house when the hurricane struck, all by myself, and I was blind in a closet. So now I have sight back. And I went out to the entry of the house. It was rebuilt. And I remembered the old house because I had sight when I had it. And I said to my husband, ‘Where are we?’ And he says, ‘The house.’ And I said, ‘Whose house?’ And he said, ‘Our house.’ And he goes, ‘You lived here for a long time.’ And I looked around, and the first thing I thought of, I cried with gratefulness. I just couldn’t believe that something that even until this surgery came to be, I mean, this doctor had created this, lens implant surgery, only a year and a half prior to me going there and only because I had a pain behind an eye that was blind.”
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Elizabeth’s journey while, facing blindness, is a testament to the, power of resilience, and the ability to find joy and purpose in the face of adversity. Her story serves as an inspiration to others who may be facing their own challenges. She encourages people to never give up and to believe in themselves. Elizabeth says, “Don’t ever lose faith in what you can do because all of it is really pretty much on you. So if you have that confidence, you can really combat some of the biggest obstacles that you thought you never could.”
In her book, “Eclipsed,” Elizabeth shares her story with the hope of helping others find their way through catastrophic loss. She wants readers to walk away with a renewed sense of hope and the belief that they can overcome any obstacle. Elizabeth’s message is clear: never give up on yourself and find the beauty in every situation, no matter how challenging.
As we reflect on Elizabeth’s journey, we are reminded of the resilience of the human spirit and the, power of perseverance. Her story serves as a reminder that even in the darkest of times, there is always a glimmer of hope. Elizabeth’s ability to thrive in the face of blindness is a testament to the strength and resilience within each of us.
In conclusion, Elizabeth Pizzarello’s story is a powerful reminder that challenges can be transformed into triumphs. Her journey from blindness to limited sight is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of belief in oneself. Through her book, “Eclipsed,” Elizabeth offers inspiration and hope to those facing their own challenges. Her story serves as a reminder that no matter how difficult life may seem, there is always a way to find joy and purpose. As we move forward, let us embrace Elizabeth’s message and remember that we have the power to overcome any obstacle that comes our way.
To learn more about Elizabeth Pizzarello and her book, “Eclipsed,” you can visit her website at https://www.halokitty.org/. You can also find her on social media, including Facebook and Instagram, under the handle Beth Pizzarello.
Thank you for joining us on this episode of Author’s Corner. If you enjoyed this conversation, please subscribe to our podcast on YouTube or iTunes and leave a review. We appreciate your support. Until next time, remember to never give up and always believe in yourself. Namaste.
Kanye West’s mother Donda built up her son’s, self confidence, by speaking life into him. She told him “If you are a giant, you can’t see yourself when you look in the mirror”
In this episode of, 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I want to teach on, self-confidence, and use the Netflix documentary of, Kanye West, as the background story.
Kanye West, grew up poor in Chicago and started rapping at a young age. He started producing beats in his teens and created beats for legends like Jayz and others. But his vision was to be a rapper and nobody would give him a record deal as a rapper, because he was labeled a producer. His mother Donda kept speaking to his, confidence, she kept building him up by telling him he was great.
She told him “If you are a giant, you can’t see yourself when you look in the mirror”
That was a powerful statement and Kanye used that as his fuel to keep pushing and he finally got that record deal with Roc-A-Fella records, but he still had to push to get his first album released. The album was an immediate hit topping the charts at #1 and he was nominated for 10 Grammys. Kanye West, is now on his way to becoming the richest black man in America.
Kanye West mother spoke life into him by calling him a giant
Kanye’s, confidence, was stroked by his mother. She told him he was a genius and a, giant, and he started walking and talking like a, giant. It all started with his mother Donda watering his dreams and building his, confidence, until according to, Kanye, his brain became too big for his head. That was his explanation for his battle with, mental illness.
Let’s look at that statement a, giant, looks in the, mirror, and sees nothing.
Self-confidence, is looking at yourself and knowing that you are crushing it. Whatever it is but if you lack, self-confidence, when you look in the, mirror, you see nothing; there is no reflection of beauty. You see failure, you see your flaws, you see not enough. What, Kanye West Donda, was saying to, Kanye, was that he was so great that he couldn’t comprehend it and so couldn’t see it when he looked in the, mirror.
That is the most powerful builder of, self-confidence, I had ever heard because from then on whenever, Kanye, doubted himself, he would remember his mother’s words that he just couldn’t see his greatness because he was bigger than even the, mirror.
We are all giants and limitless
We can all be, giants, because we are limitless. We can become anything we want, but what holds us back is feeling small when we look in the, mirror. The people of Israel saw themselves as, grasshoppers, they saw themselves small and insignificant. Remember, Kanye West Donda, words a, giant, looks in the, mirror, and sees nothing, so keep pushing until the, mirror, catches up to your vision.
Parents remember to speak into your children’s lives. Richard Williams spoke into Venus Williams and Serena Williams lives. He told them that they will become the best in game of tennis. He told them that they are future champions and they would win Wimbledon and they believed and came into agreement. Serena Williams did become the greatest in the game of tennis.
I speak into my children’s lives all the time. Sometimes they come into agreement and sometimes they feel that because I am mom, that I should say these things. Don’t worry if they don’t look like they are accepting your vision. Remember the movie Inception. All you are doing is planting seeds, when the time comes, that seed will become a forest.
So, keep speaking life into your children, into your spouse, into yourself. Tell yourself that when a, giant, looks in the, mirror, he sees nothing so if you don’t see anything it is because you are a, giant! Everyone sees the, giant, except you.
Conclusion
This is life coach Myrna Young and you are listening to, 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach for daily inspiration. Until next time Namaste
Would you like to have, 50 shades of Grey, in your Bedroom? Find out how to have the, sexual confidence, of, Dakota Johnson, by embracing your, Goddess, in the Bedroom. Life Coach Myrna Young, interviews Intimacy and Orgasmic Coach, Margo Blake. Margo is going to teach you How to Embrace Your, Goddess, in the Bedroom with, sexual confidence.
As a teen mom Margo was forced into developing her, sexual confidence, at an early age. At 48 years old she decided to learn the secrets of the, intimacy, that had always eluded her. Even though she was always, sexually confident, She wanted to know more about the RAW, Vulnerable parts of herself that she always held back from men and address her, fear of intimacy. She wanted to find out for herself and also to teach other women to embrace there, intimacy issues. So she started, intimacy coaching, teaching women How to be, sexually confident, and embrace their Goddess in the bedroom, 50 shades of grey, style.
Your own, 50 Shades of Grey, in the bedroom
In celebration of the movie “50 Shades Freed” and Valentines Day, I wanted to give my listeners a gift. A gift of Awakening along the lines of the Awakening felt by, Dakota Johnson, by Christian Grey.
Margo teaches women to use their voice to tell their partners what they want and don’t want. She teaches women that men should be in servitude to them and they should have, sexual confidence, about their sexuality, embracing their Goddess and their, 50 shades of grey, in the bedroom fully!
As women of all ages are bored with their partners, the movie, 50 Shades of Grey, captures and excites women, the same way Christian Grey captures and excites, Dakota Johnson. Women are bored with the vanilla love making and vanilla lifestyle. We want our ice cream with sprinkles on top!
Can you tell my audience your back story. How did you start, intimacy coaching?
Well I’m going to try to dothis very quickly because I am 54 yearsold and fabulous, so I’m going to try tospeed it up. I was a teenage mom at 16 years old. I started to embrace my, sexuality, as a teenager but lacked, sexual confidence, and I had no, intimacy, with my partners.
I got married and divorced and when Iturned 48 I felt I was missing out on life. I was close to 50 years old and my wholehistory of my relationships with men was sad. Men alwaysleft me. I’m going to transition out myrelationship which was going on 10 yearsand I wanted to be me and embrace my, sexuality and become more intimate with my partners.
That’s how Ibecame an, intimacy coach, and started, intimacy coaching. I dida transformational workshop and certification with One Taste Coachingand Istarted to mentor clients for the last
six years. The last three years I’ve beenon the journey ofbecoming an intimate orgasmic Life Coachwith One Taste.
2. Question 2: What advice would you give to young women today on how to embrace their, Goddess, in the Bedroom and to How to be confident about their, sexuality?
If I had to give myself mysixteen-year-old self advice about mysexuality the first thing I would have asked was, why am I with this particularguy? As they develop, sexual confidence, you want to start telling men what you want andby doing that, we create awhole world of men of servitude. So onceagain the advice I would give youngwomen and older women is learning tocommunicate what your desires are. I want it this way, no Idon’t want it that way.
50 shades of Grey
50 Shades of Grey the Movie
In the movie, 50 Shades of Grey, Dakota Johnson, is a young woman inexperienced in sex and becomes drawn in the world of a, dominatrix, Christian Grey. All three movies were well received; but it still received a lot of criticism about showcasing abuse of women. What do you think the message of the film, 50 shades of grey, is for young women like, Dakota Johnson?
The movie, 50 shades of Grey, to me is is all about love andservice and sex and that kind of thing
but I remember when I took my mom to see the movie. Iposted it on Facebookseveralwomen responded with outrage saying how can I glorify that movie itabuses women.
Margo- I embracethe movie, it’s of excitedusto escape having a vanilla lifestyle. It’s a different
type of lifestyle that they both agree on. It’s all about giving upand surrendering to your man. It’s all about, intimacy, and, sexual confidence. That’s what, Dakota Johnson, did she surrendered to the power-play. Shetrusted herself , and her, sexuality.
That person that posted on yourFacebook page that she was abused couldn’t have seen the movie. She didn’t seewhat you and I saw, because there was no abuse, it was it wasconsensual sex even though Christian Grey was a, dominatrix.
What constitutes, intimacy?
Margo what would you call, intimacy? Is it that raw vulnerablepart that you allow your partner or yourfriends to see?
Margo- Intimacy, it’s the partof you that does not lie. It’s the partof you that allows your friends, your family, or your lover to look you in the eye andconnect with you. Sohypothetically if you are feeling sad canlook at your daughter or your daughtercan look at you and connect with you?
Because some of us were masks. We wear amask our whole life, we don’t allow peopleto see that vulnerable part of us.
Intimacy, is being able to communicate whatyou’re feeling and not masking. Intimacy, is allowing thatperson to really see you without lyingand without the drama.
Myrna – How does, intimacy, come into play in the bedroom? How do we find our, Goddess, in the bedroom?
Margo – Intimacy, is having theability to tell your partner exactly howyou want it, when you want it and how longyou want it. That’s, intimacy. You don’t need tobe like an army instructor, you just communicate. There’s no words it’sjust your bodies and it’s just your mind.
To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence. I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team. I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph
Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country. He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada’s most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”
Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition
Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world, you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world, the strongest person in the world; but if you don’t have this genuine belief that you have that skill, you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation, or choose to join the team.
Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?
Dr Ivan – l think like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that’s American or my audience that’s Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.
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There’s something that’s grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve. We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us. That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families. Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good. It’s not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.
You could end up internalizing that message where you’re never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you’re pushed to the corners or to the edges of society. You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that’s from your own internal belief or from society.
All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing. You’re then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies, or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.
How do we, Build Self-confidence?
Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident, all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident, and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you’re good at something or somebody tells you you’re pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.
Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets. You’ll get your opportunity, you’ll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.
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How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?
Myrna – So let’s transition to our, build self-confidence, topic.
Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism, grit, and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – If you don’t believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure. So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success. We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we’re not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn’t matter how talented we are.
Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence, to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you’re gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you’re down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I’ve seen that happen.
But what I don’t understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don’t have the, self-confidence, that they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don’t project anything, they don’t protect any energy. They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room and she feels that she’s got it and you know she gets the guys. Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.
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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?
Dr Ivan – Well I’ll never comment on a woman’s appearance or looks. What I would say that anybody whether it’s a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It’s the measuring stick that they’re using to measure themselves against. This is key. If I’m measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I’m good enough. It’s human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others. Whether it’s the Joneses next door, whether it’s what you did last week, we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.
So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn’t think they have as much as the next person; you can’t tell them they are attractive or smart, they won’t believe it.
This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We’ll call this maladaptive perfectionism. This is when you have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.
Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level. You believe that you can make it. You’re, confident, you may have setbacks, you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.
The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure. There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
So many people out there won’t ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.
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How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit
Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions. It’s this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become, so you gotta stop the negative talk like:
Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
or I’m never going to get this Job
Or I’m not as smart as these folks
I can’t do this, I’m no good
We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up, so you got To Stop the negative talk.
3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.
In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
Nobody outworks me,
I can learn anything.
Mantras to, Build self-confidence:
1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”
2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”
3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”
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Myrna – I’m a big believer in positive self-talk. I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.
Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle. Act as if you already have it.
Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner’s mindset?
How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset
Dr Ivan – I think a, winner’s mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I’ll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner’s mindset.
Write a letter to yourself about all the things you’re great at. There’s going to be times when you feel like you can’t do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.
Write that letter to yourself because, there will be times when people tell you you can’t do it.
When you feel like you can’t do it, that, winner’s mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner’s mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.
Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?
Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.
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Tell us about your book “You’ve got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence” I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?
Dr Ivan – To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence. I sat on the bench of a soccer team, I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it.
One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I’d been sitting on the bench, that she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.
“What happened to your game? You let that man define your sense of self-worth. Didn’t you tell me that he didn’t play high level Soccer? That you’ve been coached by some of the best?”
I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn’t believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.
It wasn’t that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There’s always going to be people who don’t believe in you, it’s your job to change that person’s mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.
So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.
I’m not smart enough
I’m not rich enough
I’m not skinny enough
I don’t look good here
My teeth aren’t this
You get the new job and you’re great but then you get the promotion
I don’t know if I can do it
I don’t think I can do it
What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.
I teach about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna
To order click the link below
https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/
If you go on the website and order the book, I’ll give you the course materials. I think it’s a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.
Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram
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I do have a contest this week. The prize is a 25 gift card from hbnaturals.com
This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to [email protected] with your contact information and one lucky winner will win this $25 gift card.
Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate. So whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!
