Tag Archives: negative self talk

Unraveling the Web of Limiting Beliefs

Host Myrna Young is joined by guest Shelly Lefkoe to discuss how to stop negative self-talk which stems from our, limiting beliefs, at its source. Shelly shares her personal experience with unwanted behavior and emotional patterns and explains how, limiting beliefs, shape our behavior and emotions. She introduces the Lefkoe Method, a process for identifying and changing hidden beliefs that impact our lives. By understanding the meaning we give to events and eliminating negative beliefs, we can transform our, negative self-talk, and create lasting change.

Download the podcast to learn how to free yourself from, limiting beliefs, and live a more empowered life.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/14999417-how-to-stop-negative-self-talk-at-its-source.mp3?download=true

 

Key Takeaways on Eliminating Limiting Beliefs

  • The Roots of Self-Talk: Negative self-talk, stems from deep-seated beliefs, often formed in childhood, that color our view of ourselves and the world.

  • The Power of Belief Elimination: Identifying and dismantling, limiting beliefs, can significantly change behavior patterns and emotional responses, leading to profound transformation.

  • Event Interpretation's Illusion: An event by itself holds no inherent meaning; the meaning we apply is a subjective interpretation often driven by underlying beliefs.

The Genesis of Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk, is the internalized voice that criticizes and undermines our actions and choices. According to Shelly Lefkoe, this self-sabotaging dialogue originates from our, limiting beliefs—statements about reality we consider the absolute truth. These beliefs usually develop during childhood as we interact with our environment and authority figures.

“So we always say it isn't what happens to you that screws you up, it's what you conclude about it.”

Lefkoe suggests that even minor comments or actions by parents can shape significant beliefs about one's self-worth and capability. A parent’s disapproval or inability to provide affection might lead a child to believe they are not good enough or not lovable, thereby setting the stage for a lifetime of, negative self-talk, based on these erroneous self-conceptions.

What becomes evident is the profound impact of seemingly trivial moments early in life which necessitate a shift in how parents approach their interactions with their children. Patterns observed in adults can often be traced back to these primal beliefs solidified in the subconscious of the young.

curiocaster transform your mind podcast
curiocaster transform your mind podcast
Sponsored Ad

As someone who has textured and curly hair, I’m excited to share Clairol Textures & Tones came out with a permanent color specifically for curly, hair types! Say hello to the improved formula and new look while preserving curls and shine!”

With Clairol Texures & Tones you get Brillant Color + Moisturized Hair

Permanent color that maintains your curl definition & shine

Moisture rich formula pumped with Argan and Olive Oil

Zero Ammonia

It's not the hair color you were born with but the hair color you were meant to be.

Clairol, It’s So Me

clairol textures & tones

Eradicating Limiting Beliefs

Shelly Lefko's Lefkoe Method aims to dismantle destructive beliefs by tracing them back to their source. This involves exploring various possible interpretations of past events rather than sticking with the initial negative conclusion we might have drawn.

“Anything you can see has a color, shape, and location. You cannot see ‘I'm not good enough'. You can see your father saying, ‘you're stupid'… I made that up.”

With guidance, individuals can understand that what they believed to be hardwired truths about themselves were actually malleable opinions. By exposing the baselessness of such beliefs, people can rid themselves of the, negative self-talk, that stems from them.

Lefkoe's assertion that beliefs cemented in childhood do not necessarily reflect current reality encourages individuals to reassess and redefine their self-identity. It brings hope and empowerment to those who may feel shackled by their past experiences and perceived deficiencies. The Lefkoe Method thus provides a means to reclaim one's life narrative and author a more fulfilling future.

playerfm transform your mind podcast
playerfm transform your mind podcast
Sponsored Ad

If you are Ready to live life as if you don’t have allergies? It’s time to Live Claritin Clear.

Fast and powerful relief is just a quick trip away. Ask for Claritin-D at your local pharmacy counter. You don’t even need a prescription!

Go to CLARITIN.COM right now for a discount so you can Live Claritin Clear.

Use as directed for relief of nasal congestion, runny nose, sneezing and itchy nose due to allergies.

claritin D
Claritin D

Beyond Interpretation: Embracing Objectivity

A critical aspect of transforming self-talk is understanding the nature of events and their lack of inherent meaning. Lefkoe emphasizes that the narratives we construct around incidents are purely our fabrications and that events by themselves are meaningless.

“If meaning is inside your head, do events have inherent meaning?”

By asking this question, Lefkoe compels us to realize that our emotional responses and subsequent, negative self-talk, are products of the meanings we attribute to events rather than the events per se. A paradigm shift occurs when one grasps that the ability to control one’s emotional responses lies in controlling the interpretations we make, thereby not allowing them to influence our self-perception negatively.

This knowledge can revolutionize relationships and self-belief as it dissociates one's intrinsic value from the actions of others or external circumstances. Internalizing the concept that meaning is a construct can lead to a remarkable decrease in negative self-talk and enhance one's emotional well-being.

Synthesizing the conversation with Shelly Lefkoe reveals that the journey of personal growth hinges on recognizing, challenging, and rectifying the foundational beliefs shaping our self-talk and behaviors. By confronting the roots of, negative self-talk, and, limiting beliefs, individuals can disarm the ties to past inconsistencies and re-affirm their self-worth devoid of fictitious constraints.

Transform Your Mind spotify
Transform Your Mind spotify
Sponsored Ad
  • Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business.
  • Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at SHOPIFY.COM/transform, ALL LOWERCASE.
  • Go to shopify.com/transform now to grow your business–no matter what stage you’re in.

shopify - get one dollar per month trial

Whether it’s reprogramming the narrative constructed from a tender age or resisting the urge to infer unwarranted meaning from life’s myriad events, the path to self-transformation is illuminated with clarity and empowerment. The essence of Lefkoe's insights is that true liberation and potential are only as distant as our adherence to fabricated meanings and unexplored beliefs.

Additional Resources
Here are Shelly's social handles

How To Silence The Voices In Your Head

The voices in your head are also called your inner dialogue or self-talk. These voices are always talking; they are always commenting on everything you see. It is a running commentary. The more we try to shut them off, the louder they become. Today I want to bring awareness to these voices because whatever you say to your self is what you are creating.

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/12245699-how-to-silence-the-voices-in-your-head.mp3?download=true

We have 5 voices in our head

Psychiatrists say we have 5 voices in our head and only one of them is the voice of God. We have to learn to distinguish between the ego voice and the voice of the holy spirit because listening to the wrong voice can steer you very wrong.

For example. I used to have a voice in my head that encouraged me to write notes to my boyfriends and husbands telling them what I think of them.  I thought I was being real and factual, but those notes damaged my relationships.  Now whenever the voice in my head tells me to write a note, I write it, but don’t send it!

I remember having foster children who stole and I would tell them whenever the voice in their head tell you to take something that does not belong to you then you talk back to this voice NO.

There are 5 voices that we can talk about and here are some thoughts about what they are and how to manage them.  I call them the 5 C’s.

The first three voices are the broadly helpful voices – your Core voice from your higher self, your Confident voice and your Cautious voice.

The other two voices are the ones that can cause real issues.  They are your Critical voice and your Conceited voice.

Goodpods podcast

What the voices in your head tell you

This is the first way to silence the voices in your head by talking back to them. If the voice in your head is saying things like:

  • You can’t do it,
  • Your success is not going to last and you will be homeless again
  • You are never going to find someone to love you because you are not educated and can’t hold a conversation.

You have to talk back to this voice and tell it

  • “I am going to do it just watch me.”
  • My success may not last, but I am never going back to where I came from.
  • I will find someone to love me because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Another voice is the one that lists the issues on your mind or perhaps makes internal lists of things you need to accomplish. You may also talk to yourself when you’re preparing a speech or a presentation, where you “play” what you’re going to say in your mind ahead of time.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

The negative self talk voice

The self talk voice is the voice that plays in my head the most.  I am always having conversations with other people in my head. I remember once this girl said something to me that I couldn’t get out of my head for months. It was a negative comment and the voice in my head would replay it and replay it over and over again.  It took up residence in my head. The more I tried to stop the replay the more it came back.  I would even shake my head to get rid of this ANT which is automatic negative thoughts.

The volume of this particular ANT diminished over time but your ANT can be self-criticism and this is one way to silence this voice.

Write down your ANT in a notebook and them write responses to them. For example:

It could go something like this:

  • ANT: “I messed up at work. I’m probably going to get fired.”
  • Answer: “Mistakes happen. I do a good job one mistake is not going to get me fired.
  • OR
  • ANT: “My son really acted up today. I’m not a good mom.”
  • Answer: “We all have bad days. I am doing the best that I can”

This is one way to rewind the negative tape playing in your head and record over it.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Strategies to silence the voice in your head

Some of the other ways to silence the voices in your head are:

  1. You have to put word on word – decree and declare
  • My body is blessed
  • My mind is blessed
  • My marriage is blessed
  • Goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life
  • My children are blessed
  • My grandchildren are blessed

You have to silence the voice in your head by speaking back to them. Because you shall have whatever you say.

It you say that you will live all your life without love, then you will.

If you say to yourself that you will always be poor, that will be your experience.

You have to decree and declare like the apostle Paul said “When I get to the end of my life I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Talk back to your negative voices

You need courage to continue when there is a threat. Don’t let the negative self-talk stop you from finishing the race.

  • What do you remember when things get tough?
  • Do you remember when God brought you out?
  • Do you remember when God made a way out of no way

Talk back to the voice in your head and say God chose me to go through this. If God thought I couldn’t handle it, he won’t let you go through it.

We can’t see the enemy but he is everywhere.  We have to know the difference of being crushed by the Lord and being crushed by the world.

You cannot have change without disruption.  Don’t be sidetracked by the disruption. Don’t let a disruption distract you from your purpose.

Tell yourself that in every disruption there is opportunity.  Don’t fail to prepare for what’s next because you are focusing on what’s gone or the disruption.

Leaders are determined by how much you move things from one place to another moving the disruption to victory.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

There is purpose in every disruption

When you have a purpose, no disruption can move you off your destiny.

T D Jakes says Once the grapes have been crushed you can’t get the juice back into the grapes.

If you want to be wine you have to be willing to give up being a grape.

You cannot have change without disruption.

The voices in your head area distraction, talk back to them or let ignore them.  If you do this they will eventually go away!

Additional Resources 

How to Stop Negative Self Talk

How to Raise your Self-esteem by Erasing Self Doubt

Coach Myrna share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

Welcome to, Transformation Fridays, with Coach Myrna today I would like to teach on the topic how to, raise your self esteem, by erasing, self doubt.

First let me give you the definition of, self-confidence, self-confidence, is defined as a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment.

Self-esteem, is confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. Pretty similar.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11231957-how-to-raise-your-self-esteem-by-erasing-self-doubt.mp3?download=true

A self esteem story

I was listening to a Ted talk video some time back and the speaker was telling his back story. He said for 10 years he smoked crack, when he woke up and before he went to bed every day.  Hoping to numb the pain of living. He was a disappointment to his mother, his wife and his children. He felt worthless! So, no, self-esteem.

On his second trip to prison, he spent a total of 8 years in prison, his adopted mother had a heart attack and died. He felt pretty low that this woman who adopted him and loved him as her own and who tried to give him a better life, was now in the hospital, and he was not there to offer her comfort. The prison did not even allow him to go to her funeral. This was the first spark of change in him. Maybe he should do something with his life other than being a mess up.

When he got out of prison this time he decided to go to college. He was now a middle-aged black man and he was in college with 20-year-old white students. Never the less he did good and now looked forward to the accolades his teachers gave him because he was performing better than expected. He said that praise was now his new drug. He lived for his teachers praises. One day one of his teachers put an application for a job on his desk. He couldn’t believe it. His teacher had, confidence, in him, his teacher had confidence in his ability to do the job.

The, self-confidence, seedling inside him got water and grew a little. As his self-confidence grew his life changed. No longer was he a non-contributing member of society, he was making a contribution. He now had a new family and 7 years after he was released from prison, he received his PHD in Physiology!

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Self confidence is needed for success

Self-confidence, doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes you have to practice and practice until you build it. Sometimes it comes from your teachers, your parents, your friends or your boss.

So today I want to share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

But before we can get to the solution of anything or before we can get to anywhere on the map, we have to know how we got to where we are right now and pinpoint where we are.

For example. If you are at the mall and you are wanting to go to Macy's department store you look at the map and it shows “You are here” if you want to get to Macy's than you know you have to walk right or left. It is the same way in life.

Statics show that we can shed a lot of light on how we got here on the map by looking at our childhood. You see parenting does not come with a manual and some parents get it right; but most get it wrong.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

We get our self esteem from our caregivers

Understanding your, inner child, is very important to unlocking the door of where you are on the map today. You see when you came into the world you were totally dependent on someone else to care for you. Not just to feed you, bathe you, and to keep you warm, but to love you, protect you and nurture you.

If whenever you cried your mother or caregiver came and picked you up and smiled at you and comforted you, then you transformed that into the feeling that you are important.

If, however when you cried you were ignored, then you formed the feeling that you were unwanted. Even though you have no memory of being a baby, your heart and your internal computers have a record of everything. A hypnotist can go back and pull it out. That is the root of, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, that has now grown into an oak tree!

If you are listening to me and you are experiencing, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, or you don't understand why you are not getting the results you want. Why you are here on the map and you can never get over there. I challenge you to do the work find out why.

I was watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday a few months ago and she had a guest who talked about going back to your childhood home in your mind and looking out the window. What do you see?

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Looking out your childhood window

I grew up poor in Guyana but with a lot of love. When I looked through the window of the room, we lived in. I saw that even though I was poor, I had hope, I had love, I had friends, and I was happy. I saw that I had, self-confidence, because I did well in school and I had many boyfriends. I had, self-confidence, because I believed I was intelligent like my dad who was a professor.

What do you see when you look through the window of your childhood home? Can you find the root of your, lack of self-confidence, and, self-doubt?

Here are a few reasons we develop low self-esteem
  1. We were inadequately nurtured as children.
  2. We could have absorbed negative messages about ourselves and it still resides in the core of our beings.
  3. Parents or teachers extremely critical.
  4. Poor academic performance in school.
  5. Did not fit in either because of looks or clothing or religion.

TraumaPhysical, sexual, and emotional abuse can all significantly affect our feelings of self-worth. If you find yourself replaying memories of abuse or otherwise feeling tormented by or ashamed of your experiences, please consider seeking treatment from a licensed clinician.

Parenting style. The way we were treated in our family of origin can affect us long after childhood. For instance, if you had a parent who constantly belittled you, compared you to others, or told you that you would never amount to anything, you likely carry those messages with you today. A parent’s struggles with, mental health, and substance abuse can also change your relationship with the world.

Bullying, harassment, and humiliation. Childhood bullying can leave a mark on your confidence when it comes to looks, intellectual and athletic abilities, and other areas of your life. Humiliating experiences in adulthood, including workplace harassment or a peer group that disrespects or demeans you, can also make you less willing to speak up for yourself or pursue ambitious goals.

Gender, race, and sexual orientation. Scores of studies show women are socialized to worry more about how they’re perceived and, therefore, to take fewer risks. Racial and cultural background and sexual orientation can make a difference, too. If you’ve been on the receiving end of discrimination, you may have internalized some negative, untrue messages about your potential and whether you “belong.”

When we grow our, self-esteem, we expand our capacity for happiness.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Here are 3 benefits of high self esteem

  1. The higher your, self-esteem, the more equipped you are to handle life's adversities.
  2. The higher your, self-esteem, the more ambitious you are not necessary in a career; but in forming healthy relationships and not repeating destructive patterns.
  3. The higher your, self-esteem, the more likely you are to form nourishing bonds with others.
  4. Higher, self esteem, enables you to love yourself.
 How do you know if you love yourself?

Ask yourself these questions?
• Do I take care of myself?
• Do I make being healthy a priority?
• Am I stretching and challenging myself to be better than I am today?
• Am I living life with passion or am I just passing through?

If you answered No to any of these questions then you need to make some changes in your life before you get to 80 years old and realize that you never lived.

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

How to erase self-doubt

By Thinking it, speaking it and doing it!

The weeds that take over the garden of your mind can only flourish if you are a bad gardener!

You have to protect your dreams by plucking up the weeds before they grow. They will come. Self-doubt, always comes; but you have to pluck them out by speaking of your goals and doing something to get you moving towards the place on the map you want to go.

That is why you have to know where you are so you won't move in the opposite direction.

First Think it. There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare.

Rhonda Bryne of the secret says “What you think about you bring about”

Your thoughts affect your attitude your, self-confidence, your mood, and there is a direct relationship to your thoughts and your experiences in life.

Remember when you were a kid and your parents would tell not to hang around Johnny or Jane? They did not know why; but they knew that if you kept company with Johnny or Jane, no good would come of you.
In the same way if you keep replaying negative emotions in your head such as fear, discontent, anger, jealousy, insecurities, blame etc. then no good will come of you because you will keep attracting more negative energy to your experience.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

Erase negative thoughts to erase self doubt

But let’s say you are wanting that promotion and you see yourself in this new role and you are confident that you will get this promotion then you will. You might not get it at your first try but if you keep trying and never give up it will be yours eventually; conversely, if you want this promotion; but you place road blocks in your path such as any and all negative thoughts, then chances are you will never attract this reality into your experience.

When we think, our thoughts become like magnets and attract, and then attach to like thoughts. That is why what you think about you bring about.

Nothing shows up in our life unless we attract it.

We have all seen the power of the Law of attraction in motion when if we have something bad happen to us at the beginning of the day, bad things keep on happening for the rest of the day.

So, it is very important to watch what you think.

Now let's take a look at Speak it.

The spoken word is a powerful tool and by leveraging your voice you expand your dreams from internal thoughts to external possibilities, laying the ground work for divine purpose to manifest. Deepak Chopra

When you take your thoughts, which are formless and speak them into the atmosphere you give them form. This empowers them.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Think it, speak it, do it

“Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all will be well with you. God shall hear your words and make them true.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox

So, remember to speak it. Tell a friend or your coach of your intentions.

And lastly “just do it.” Nike made this phrase popular but it applies to more than athletics. Just do it. There will never be a better time than the present.

“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once will never do anything.”
― Samuel Johnson

So “just do it.” Think about something you have been thinking of doing for some time. Tell someone about it and then take the first step. It does not have to be a giant step. It could be as simple as doing research or taking that nice red Mercedes out for a test drive; but it will be a step in the right direction.
I hope my presentation was thought provoking. These are the principles I live by and I attract all that I want into my experience; so give it a try.
If you lacked self-confidence or self-esteem I hope this episode gave you a starting point to change your thinking because when you transform your mind you will transform your life.

Additional Resources

What Is The Foundation Of Happiness

 

How to Use Mantras to Build Self-Confidence (The Skill of Self Confidence)

To me the most important thing about that Ted talk,  the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence.  I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team.  I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph

I am speaking to the infamous Dr Ivan Joseph. Dr Joseph is a best-selling author of the book “You Got This: Mastering the Skill of Self-Confidence.

Listen to the full interview 

Short Bio: 

Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country.  He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a  young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and  attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and  a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada's most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”

Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition

Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand.  Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world,  you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world,  the strongest person in the world; but if you don't have this genuine belief that you have that skill,  you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation,  or choose to join the team.

Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?

Dr Ivan – l  think  like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that's American or my audience that's Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.

Sponsored AD

She’s beautiful, smart, successful… but still single.

Attorney Vanessa A. Price  seems to have it all. A big house, a nice car, a great  career, but something is still missing. Just off of another failed relationship, Vanessa meets Max, a handsome, mysterious, French speaking black man  who comes to work for her as a fill-in landscaper.

Self-confidence helps you get a man
Everything but a man watch party

everythingbutaman.com

There's something that's grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve.  We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us.  That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families.  Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good.   It's not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.

You could end up  internalizing that message where you're never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you're pushed to the corners or to the edges of society.  You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that's from your own internal belief or from society.

All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing.  You're then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies,  or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.

How do we, Build Self-confidence?

Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident,  all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident,  and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you're good at something or somebody tells you you're pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.

Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets.  You'll get your opportunity, you'll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.

Sponsored AD

Blue Cheese dedicated to Nupsey Hussle
Blue Cheese dedicated to Nupsey Hussle

BleuCheese by:Frank Blacq dedicated this track in the loving memory of Nipsey Hussle follow me @Fblacq229

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?

Myrna – So let's transition to our, build self-confidence,  topic.

Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism,  grit,  and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?

Dr Ivan –  If you don't believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure.  So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success.  We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we're not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn't matter how talented we are.

Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence,  to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you're gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you're down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I've seen that happen.

But what I don't understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don't have the, self-confidence, that  they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don't project anything, they  don't protect any energy.  They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room  and she feels that she's got it and you know she gets the guys.  Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.

Sponsored Ad

Have you ever been stuck? In a bad marriage, toxic relationship or unfulfilling Job? Then Stuck – A short-story on Moving Towards Success by author Dr. Alphonso A. Buie is the book for you.

Marc was a successful and admired corporate executive and Real Estate mogul in New York city when trouble arrived in his life. He loses everything.

With the guidance of a great mentor and coach, he learns how to become unstuck and get his life back.

This fictional short-story, inspired by real-life events, teaches different concepts, that can be utilized by anyone who wants to excel at managing themselves effectively in any professional and personal setting.

Pick up a copy of Stuck today from Amazon or wherever books are sold and get moving towards your success.

Stuck A short story about success
Stuck

Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?

Dr Ivan – Well I'll never comment on a woman's appearance or looks.  What I would say that anybody whether it's a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It's the measuring stick that they're using to measure themselves against.  This is key.  If I'm measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I'm good enough.  It's human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others.  Whether it's the Joneses next door, whether it's what you did last week,  we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.

So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn't think they have as much as the next person; you can't tell them they are attractive or smart, they won't believe it.

This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We'll call this maladaptive perfectionism.  This is when you  have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.

Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?

Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level.  You believe that you can make it.  You're, confident, you may have setbacks,  you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.

The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure.  There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So many people out there won't ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.

Sponsored AD

As a boxer for over 20 years, I have been Helping athletes and fighters reach their ultimate conditioning with 6 pack Abs and a low body fat index. As a fitness coach and the winner of several championships, I know the role nutrition plays getting that ultimate body.

Fight Club Nutrition a black owned company has put together a catalog of nutritional supplements to bring out the best fitness body.  Try our Iron Body Fat burner or the Alpha Wolf to increase testosterone.

Ladies you should definitely buy this for your man.

Head over to www.fightclubnutrition.com for the best nutritional supplements for athletes.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit

Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions.  It's this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become,  so you gotta stop the negative talk like:

  • Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
  • or I'm never going to get this Job
  • Or I'm not as smart as these folks
  • I can't do this, I'm no good

We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up,  so you got To Stop the negative talk.

3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.

  1. In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
  2. Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
  3. Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
  4. I  am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
  5. Nobody outworks me,
  6. I can learn anything.

Mantras to,  Build self-confidence:

1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”

2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”

3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”

We know that people who use three or more affirmations a day can increase their productivity and solve complex problems way faster and here's the one for all you business people out here.

If you're an entrepreneur, affirmations lead to a 36 to 37 percent increase in revenue.

Sponsored AD

Would you like to earn 6 digits monthly? Emmanuel Eduru, has a master degree in marketing and would like to mentor you. As An Entrepreneur and a network marketing professional, he has helped thousands of people to earn 6 digits monthly. Emmanuel started his current business with little capital and today he has built a large organization with over 50,000 people spread across the globe. He would like to  mentor you so you too can go from zero to the top.  Say yes to a lifestyle of health and financial freedom. Visit Emmanuel on the web at www.emmaeduru.com for more information.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Myrna – I'm a big believer in positive self-talk.  I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.

Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle.  Act as if you already have it.

Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner's mindset?

How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset

Dr Ivan – I think  a, winner's mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I'll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner's mindset.

Write a letter to yourself about all the things you're great at. There's going to be times when you feel like you can't do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.

Write that letter to yourself because, there will be  times when people tell you you can't do it.

When you feel like you can't do it,  that, winner's mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner's mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.

Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?

Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.

Sponsored Ad

“Are You Overweight And Tried Every Diet On Earth?” Then check out this new book by Joseph A. Laydon Jr., “169+ Lose It Or Else Weight-Loss Facts, Tricks And More!”. The author was working in South America when he started losing weight without trying. He was surprised because he was eating 3 fat-laden restaurant meals per day and did absolutely no daily exercises! He lost so much weight he had to buy SKINNIER CLOTHES! That why he wrote the book to share weight loss facts and tricks. So head over to www.survivalexpertblog.com and start your weight loss journey.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Mastering the,  Skill of Self-confidence

Tell us about your book “You've got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence”  I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think  that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?

Dr Ivan –  To me the most important thing about that Ted talk,  the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence.  I sat on the bench of a soccer team,  I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it.

One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I'd been sitting on the bench, that  she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.

“What happened to your game?  You let that man define your sense of self-worth.  Didn't you tell me that he didn't play high level Soccer?  That you've been coached by some of the best?”

I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn't believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.

It wasn't that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There's always going to be people who don't believe in you,  it's your job to change that person's mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.

So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.

  • I'm not smart enough
  • I'm not rich enough
  • I'm not skinny enough
  • I don't look good here
  • My teeth aren't this
  • You get the new job and you're great but then you get the promotion
  • I don't know if I can do it
  • I don't think I can do it

What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.

I teach  about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna

To order click the link below

https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/

If you go on  the website and order the book, I'll give you the course materials.  I think it's a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.

Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram

Sponsored AD

How would you like to grow your sales in the next 90 days? Dotlogics is an eCommerce web design and growth agency that has vested interested in seeing your business grow. As more and more consumers are shopping online, now is the time to take your online business to the next level with a growth-driven website. Dotlogics can help boost your sales in 90 days. It's been a challenging year so far and Dotlogics will help you adapt your strategy to thrive in 2020. Get a custom-crafted website that's not only functional but speaks to your customers or audience in a way that moves them to action. They are seasoned online marketers. They will help design and implement digital marketing campaigns that generate more leads.

To learn more or schedule a time to talk, visit: www.dotlogics.com

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

I do have a contest this week. The prize is a 25 gift card from hbnaturals.com

This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your  mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to [email protected] with your contact information and one lucky winner  will win this $25 gift card.

Dr Ivan how can our listeners Transform their Mind to Transform their life?

Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate.  So whenever you're feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!

Additional Resources

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

Setting Goals Leads to Higher Performance