Category Archives: transformation Friday

Life Coaching, marriage makeover, relationship coaching, transformation Friday

The Effects of Criticism in Marriages

February 16, 2024 Myrna Morris Young Leave a comment

The number one thing that ruins a, marital relationship, or any committed relationship is, criticism. Try not to do it to anyone, your kids, your spouse, your friends, or your customers. Noone wants to be criticized, because they think that they are doing what is right. Instead state how something makes you feel. Voice your complaint by stating how it affects you and do not assassinate the character of the other person.

Download the podcast here

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11320752-why-criticism-kills-marriages.mp3?download=true

Why Criticism kills marriages

We have all heard that men want respect and women are emotional creatures, needing love and affection. So, that means if a man wants to improve his, marital relationship, he needs to show his wife love and affection and if a woman wants to improve her marriage, she must show respect, right? So why does, criticism, kill marriages?

You are probably saying to yourself, that is some messed up advice. By wait here is the reason.

Studies show that no one ever does anything they feel is wrong, so it does you no good to point it out.

The verb in the sentence is the important word. Feel.
Put another way, whatever we perceive is our reality.
99.9 percent of men and women can justify to themselves or anyone who would listen, any action or none action, they have taken.

Podbay FM Transform Your Mind Podcast — Podbay FM

Two-Gun Crowley a kind killer

On May 7 1931 New York City witnessed the most sensational manhunt the city had ever known to this point. After weeks on the loose “Two-Gun” Crowley, the killer, was trapped in an apartment on West End Avenue.

One hundred and fifty police officers and detectives laid siege to his top floor hideaway. For hours the residential sections reverberated with the rat-tat-tat of gun fire from the police and Two-Gun Crowley.

While Crowley lay bleeding from his gunshot wounds, he penned a note that read “To whom it may concern. Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one, one that would do nobody no harm”
If you had never heard this story before, you may be thinking that the police had the wrong man; but no. Crowley was the same man who was necking with his girl on a country road on Long Island when a police officer walked up to the parked car and asked him to show his license.

Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the police officer down with a shower of bullets. As the officer lay dying on the ground, he jumped out of the car grabbed the officer’s gun and fired another round of bullets into the prostrate body. That was the killer who wrote “under my coat is a weary, but kind heart. One that would do nobody any harm.”

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast — curiocaster podcast

We all see ourselves differently from others.

This is an extreme story, but I have experienced many people like Crowley in my own experience; from kids who steal, to spouses who cheat, to murderers who kill, nobody feels they have done anything wrong. So don’t bother pointing it out to them expecting them to feel guilt. This goes a long way to, improve your marital relationships.

Even if they admit to wrongdoing, someone made them do it, they find some way to justify their actions. This phenomenon is glaringly evident on death row. Most of the prisoners on death row feel they have been victimized regardless of how heinous the crime. They are all innocent.

The #1 thing women can do to improve their relationships, is Don’t criticize!

Criticism, does no good. It does nothing.
Criticism, is futile, because it puts a man on the defensive, wounds his pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment, so don’t bother.
Instead make yourself perfect. The only person you can change is you anyway.
Jesus taught us this when he said “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? No one is perfect.

That is not to say that your brother has no speck or has done no wrong, but we are only responsible for what we do. We have no power to control others. And, criticism, does nothing to, improve, marital relationships.

What exactly is criticism?

Couples often have a difficult time distinguishing between, criticism, and voicing a complaint. Criticism, can have devastating effects because it makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt. Couples fear that if they agree to stop, criticism, they won’t be able to have a conversation about failed agreements or promises.

For example, let’s say your partner throws his/her clothes and towels on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper. If you attack your partner by saying, “why are you so nasty? You have this place in a mess. You never clean-up after yourself,” that is, criticism. If instead you say, I would really appreciate it if you would put your clothes in the hamper, that is voicing a complaint.

Criticism, is an attack on your partner’s character. Calling your partner nasty or pointing out negative personality flaws is, criticism, because you are criticizing your partner as a whole person. In contrast, if you voice a complaint, and focus on specific action or behavior, and ask for a different action or behavior, that is different from, criticism.

Let’s look at another example. Women are always complaining about quality time and no affection from their man. If you say “You are not marriage material, you don’t know how to love a woman” That is criticism, if you say instead “I love your hands around me, I could use a hug,” that is saying the same thing in a different way. So, when I say don’t criticize, I don’t mean become deaf and mute. It is always better to communicate how you feel.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Criticism affects intimacy

One might think that the last person we’d want to say hurtful things to would be your marriage partner, the one you love. When we criticize it affects, Intimacy, because the wounded partner wants nothing to do with you. We are hard wired to focus on negative aspects instead of the positive aspects of our partners. We would focus on the clothes all over the floor and a filthy bathroom sink and not on the fact that our husband worked a full week, paid all the bills and rubbed our feet.

This is called a “negative bias”. Our brain is built to automatically place more weight on unpleasant news or nastiness. That is why the news is so negative, it sells more papers or gets more ratings. Negative bias, kicks in automatically at the earliest stages of processing information. As a result, our attitudes are more heavily influenced by downbeat news than good news. That is why the constant, criticism, by a spouse tips the balance of a relationship from mundane to miserable?

The bible says “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” It clearly states that it is better to live on the roof than with a nagging wife and most husbands experiencing this situation would agree.

How to protect yourself from criticism

“How does a person survive constant, criticism, in a, marriage relationship?

People adapt to a partner’s constant, criticism, by employing various survival tactics, such as:

– Self-protection

If the woman is critical, then the man goes into his man cave. It could be a physical room, or he withdraws and stops communication. If the man is the critical one the woman also withdraws, and her self-esteem is deflated. Some develop an intensely defensive personality to shield themselves from the harsh lash of the critical partner. Others hide their “authentic selves” as a protective mechanism, letting out only the part stamped “partner approved”. They become a pleaser. They may feel the need to shrink their personality to avoid criticism which can result in loss of self.

–Distancing.

To fend off, criticism, in a, marriage relationship, a partner surrounds him/herself with a safe buffer zone from which he/she responds politely as if from afar. Friends, work, children, exercise, social media, television, books, and newspapers can serve as buffers. We all know the spouse who is never home, always finds things to do outside the home. That is distancing.

–Withdrawal

A criticized partner withdraws and becomes emotionally unavailable. He/she preserves the “self” by building a wall to keep the critical partner away. He/she refuses to engage or react when criticized. Instead, he/she takes it and most likely adds another brick in the wall of resentment each time they are attacked, belittled, or berated.

–Substance Abuse

Another common reaction to, criticism, in a, marital relationship, is, substance abuse. To survive emotionally, the criticized partner numbs the pain of engaging with his/her partner. Substance abuse, as a, coping mechanism, usually leads to further deterioration of the, marital relationship, as well as a host of other serious problems.

How to stop yourself from criticizing your partner

If you feel the impulse to criticize here are a few tips to stop yourself

Count to 10. Breathe, bite your tongue, wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it each time you feel the impulse to, criticize.
Do whatever it takes to do to stop finding fault, belittling, reproaching, nit-picking, cutting down, or chastising your partner.
Decide the kind of person you want to be and how you want to show up in your relationship.
Work at accepting your partner, even his/her annoying traits, harmless bad habits, quirks, and idiosyncrasies.
Resign yourself to the fact that you will not change your partner. I repeat: Criticism, will not change your partner.

The Effects of Criticism on Relationships

Here is some research on the, effects of criticism on relationships.

Here is a marriage story

Dr Julie said she had the good pleasure of counseling a woman who simply had to be the world’s greatest criticizer. I have to admit that I was in awe at her absolute hard-core ability to criticize. I can remember sitting back and thinking, “Wow, this lady could win some kind of award – she is amazing!” Her husband was a pot smoker and there was nothing good she could say about him – from the way he chewed his food, to his driving, or the way he snored at night. I counselled her to change her criticism to requests. In time she became one of the world’s greatest requesters.

One Mother’s Day (instead of criticizing) she composed a Wish List for her husband. It started with something like this – “Dear Husband, if you would like to have an immensely happy wife this Mother’s Day you can do so by getting me one of the following…” She listed about eight items each with a box to check next to the items she desired. Much to her surprise she received several things off the list (not just one!). She promptly rewarded her husband by telling him how happy she was and gave him a huge, heartfelt hug. Her husband began to learn that he could actually make his wife happy. This took a long time because he had come to believe that there was nothing that he could say or do that would ever please her.

So, what happened with this, marriage? In spite of the fact that she became an excellent requester, her husband would not give up his pot and she really struggled with staying married to him. She was lonely and the kids had an absent father. After much debate and prayer, she decided to stay. She would love this man with his addiction. Years later her husband’s heart was won over to Christ and he stopped, smoking pot. The world’s greatest criticizer became the world’s most grateful wife. That is why you must give it to God. Only God can change man.

Drs. John & Julie Gottman are therapists who have done the most research on the, effects of criticism on relationships. The two are famous for their “love lab,” in which hundreds of couples were screened, interviewed and observed over the course of two decades. As a result of their research the Gottman’s could predict in less than five minutes, with 90 percent accuracy, if a couple was going to stay together or divorce.

They came up with a metaphor to describe four communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship. They termed them “The Four Horsemen” — a phrase coined after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse from the New Testament, depicting the end of time.

Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling

Criticism leads to contempt

The main problem with, criticism, is that it can pave the way for the worst of the horsemen — contempt.

Contempt, is about holding your partner in a negative light without giving them the benefit of the doubt. The contemptuous partner is usually attacking from a place of superiority. This can send their partner the message that they are not liked, appreciated, understood or respected. This does little to create a safe, secure and trusting bond in the relationship.

Treating your partner with, contempt, is the single greatest predictor of divorce, according to Dr. Gottman’s work. It is by far the most destructive of the, four communication styles.

Contempt, and relentless, criticism, put a couple at war with each other. This is the opposite of the couple bubble. Smart partners who want to create a strong and happy relationship need to do all that they can to preserve and foster a strong couple bubble.

In this model, criticism, is seen as part of what’s called “the negative cycle.” The negative cycle is an interaction cycle between two people that, when left unchecked, can create an enormous amount of distance and disconnection in a relationship.

All relationships have some conflict and disappointments. This is actually healthy. Conflicts and disappointments don’t have to destroy a relationship. It is how the couple handles them that matters.

You should never marry or move in with someone until you have had your first fight. It is important to know how someone fights. Do they call you nasty names when you fight? Do you hit below the belt by throwing in your face things they know that hurt you? Do they refuse to engage and walk away? Or do you sit down and talk it out everyone voicing their opinion and having a fair hearing?

Conclusion

So, let’s circle back to our topic. The number one thing that ruins a marital relationship or any committed relationship is, criticism. Try not to do it to anyone, your kids, your spouse, your friends, your customers. Noone wants to be criticized, because they think that they are doing what is right. Instead state how something makes you feel. Voice your complaint by stating how it affects you and do not assassinate the character of the other person.

Thanks to tuning into this week’s episode of Transformation Friday, I appreciate your time and hope I deliver value. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

5 mins with coach Myrna, transformation Friday

How To Have Overdraft Protection In Your Marriage

April 13, 2023 Myrna Morris Young

Overdraft protection, in your marriage is when you have made more deposits than you have withdrawn. So you are never overdrawn.

Overdraft protection, in a bank is a service provided by your bank that ensures your transactions are covered if you have insufficient funds in your checking account. The bank will automatically move funds you have available in another linked account to the overdrawn account.

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share why it is necessary to have both.

Download the podcast here:

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/12603565-how-to-have-overdraft-protection-in-your-marriage.mp3?download=true

Overdraft protection when you are running on empty

Have you ever driven on empty with the gas light on and praying that you can get to your destination before your car runs out of gas?

Or have you ever been in line at the grocery store and praying that when you give your card it would not say declined and you would have to put stuff back while the people in the line judge you?

If you had, overdraft protection, or a spare gas tank, then you won’t have to worry.

That is why compassionate banks give you $100 overdraft protection when you open a bank account. To cover you on the days you need a little help.

That is why luxury cars manufactures build in a second tank because a lot of unconscious people go out and buy luxury cars and can’t afford gas for these cars. You don’t have to pray any more for your gas to get you to your destination, unless it is the second tank running on empty.

But today I want to talk about overdraft protection in your marriage or significant relationships.

Why is overdraft protection necessary in your marriage?

In my first marriage a family member got up and made a toast at my wedding that went like this.

“May your marriage never be overdrawn. May you always put in more than you draw out”

That is the foundation of the, overdraft protection marriage, to give you something when you are in overdraft. When you are attempting to take out money you did not put in.

It works the same way in your marriage. You can’t withdraw what you didn’t put in.

In the banking system you put in money, but what do you put in your marriage? I am glad you asked. Here is the best marriage advice I can give you.

Know the, 5 love languages. One of them is, acts of service.

Acts of service, fill up your marriage tank.

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind — Podhero podcast

Acts of service is your overdraft protection marriage

I hear men taking about washing their wife’s cars and always making sure her car is filled up with gas. That is filling up your marriage account.

Women acts of service could be as simple as taking care of the home, so your man doesn’t have to worry about it.

Regardless of what, acts of service, you deposit into to, marriage bank account, you know when that account is in overdraft.

When you ask your husband to do something he always did before and he says NO, you are in overdraft. That means you have been asking favors and not doing anything for him or so he feels. Because unlike money in the bank which is either there or not some people take things for granted and you could be making deposits and they don’t even recognize or acknowledge them.

For example, when a man gets home, dinner is always ready and yet he would tell you, you do nothing for him!

Appreciation build up your marriage account

Or a wife would bash her husband in front of her friends for something insignificant, but do not acknowledge that he is the one working and supporting the family. That is why men need us to show appreciation, because most of them are taken for granted.

So, for your deposit to count in your, marriage bank account, make sure that your partner says something like “Thank you baby this means so much to me” If not your account will go into overdraft and be in trouble.

What happens if you don’t cover your overdraft at the Bank? They close your account and that is what happens when you stay overdraft in your marriage, it ends in divorce.

One of my favorite movies is Erin Brockovich to illustrate, acts of service. One of the scenes in the movie was her man sitting on the bed holding a pair of earrings. He says you know what I bought these earrings and I said you know what when Erin says something nice to me, I’m gonna give her these earrings he says you know what Erin that was six months ago. Erin was in overdraft. She had no, overdraft protection, because she did nothing for the past 6 months that he considered nice.

When we get too much in overdraft our account gets closed

She was big time in overdrive because she was taking her man for granted. Remember the story, he was looking after her kids, he was doing all these nice things for her and she was all focused on winning her case. After all she had 400 clients. We are all like Erin, we get so focused on doing that we forget our loved ones, forget to do something nice, forget to say something nice, and then our marriage bank account becomes empty and what did the guy do? He put those earring down and he walked out. You don’t want that, so be mindful of your marriage bank account.

Thanks for tuning into this week episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Additional Resources

The Best Marriage Advice for Wives to Fix a Broken Marriage

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, transformation Friday

Waiting for Love: What To Do In the Meantime

November 11, 2022 Myrna Morris Young

While you are, waiting for love, you need to get prepared for love. One way to do this is to know which floor of, love’s house, you live on. If you live in the basement you have to do the work to get to the Attic. In the Attic everything is in tip top shape, you look good, you’ve done good. You are ready, you expect, love, to show up and it does.

Iyanla Vangant’s book “In The Meantime” the author gives us instructions on what to do while you are, waiting for love, to find you.

Iyanla says there are 4 floors that determines where we are in our ability to be a great partner.

· The basement

· The first floor

· The second floor

· The 3rd floor

· The Attic

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I break down what each floor looks like and what as women what we need to do to move up to the top floor as we are, waiting for love.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11658416-what-to-do-while-you-are-waiting-on-love.mp3?download=true

Waiting for love what floor are you on?

But before I get to what these floor means. Let’s look at, love. Life is about, love. Love, is the only true meaning of life. Being alive means that we are occupants in, love’s house, and are accountable to, loves rules, and we all should experience it.

As women we are not always aware of how our needs lead us into dark corners, looking for love. We look for love in all the wrong places and find, no love. So we always seem to end up alone in the basement of life looking out the window.

Because our, biological clock, is always ticking or sometimes we just don’t want to be alone or sometimes we desperately want to be loved we inevitably accept the wrong partner. Our, love story, is always one of hurt and suffering. Men know that women are responders, so they court us, buy us dinner, give us gifts and we respond and then when they get what they want, they move on to the next conquest.

So, while you are, in the meantime, waiting for your next relationship you have to know where you live, you have to know, what is love, and become aware of what you need to work on so you can move up to the attic of, love’s house.

The basement of love’s house

In the basement of, love’s house, Your house needs cleaning. The basement is where you throw all the stuff you don’t want. There is dirt and clutter everywhere. It is time to pick up, sweep out, get rid of the old, useless, worn-out, stuff that you have been hanging on to. You have to get rid of your baggage.

It’s. Dirty job but someone has to do it and that someone is you.

You can’t play in a dirty basement. Most, basement dwellers, become angry and resentful blaming others for their misery. How many of you know that victims have no power. You and only you are responsible for the choices you made in life. Stop blaming others. Unfortunately, victims of, love, can never seem to find anyone to, love, them the way they want to be loved. They are always being cheated on, treated badly, used up, and dumped.

In relationships, basement dwellers, are obsessed with issues related to survival. They hang on to people in order to survive. A battered spouse lives in the basement.

What to do if you live in the basement:

Take back your self-respect and set up boundaries on how you will be treated.
Throw out the baggage you have been holding on to. I know you collected and stored up all the hurt from your childhood.
Now is the time to talk to a therapist or coach and let your baggage go. Throw out your baggage and dirty laundry, because if you don’t you will take them into, another love, and that, love, will also end.

First Floor of Love’s house

You must know the rules if you want to play the game. You are the, love, you seek. While you are, waiting for love, you are the companionship you desire.

When you live on the first floor of, love’s house, you are still preoccupied with physical love and satisfaction. You are still asking yourself why aren’t you pretty enough, desirable enough and why nobody loves you. You feel incomplete and worthless. You are probably blaming your parents for not loving you enough. You don’t make self-care a priority, so you tell yourself you have, no love, because you are overweight.

Whatever you project is what men see. It is part of your aura and it is not attractive. When you lack self-confidence you become a magnet for unavailable men.

On the, first floor of love’s house, you start to build boundaries and decide what you will and will not put up with in relationships. In the basement you let people walk all over you because you needed them, now if a man tells you he going to call you and you don’t hear from him in a week, you get to stepping.

A First Floor Love Story

Iyanla Vanzant shares a, love story, depicting floor love in her book “In the Meantime.”

This male couple was very much in, love, and a perfect match for each other, the problem was that one of them was living as an openly gay man and the other was living in the closet. He was also engaged to be married and living with a woman. The openly gay partner kept pressuring the other to tell his fiancé he is gay and move in with him. He finally agreed to do it one day. His partner prepared a feast with champagne and waited and waited for him to show up. He never did. He couldn’t hurt his mother who hated gay men. He ended up terminating his relationship with his gay lover and continued to live a lie with his fiancé.

But the author asked the question why did an openly gay man fall in love with a man in the closet living with a woman? This same scenario plays out when Singe women falls in love with married men. This only happens when you are living on the first floor of love’s house and unconsciously sabotaging your life.

Second floor of love’s house

The second floor is where you learn to have a relationship with yourself. The second floor is where you know that you are, in the meantime, relationship because you know what you want.

You are aware of your patterns of falling for unavailable men or if you are male hooking up with women who trade sexual services for money for their hair, nails, clothing or rent.

You do not enter, meantime relationships, in need, you enter them by choice; eyes wide open. You know this is not the forever one, but he is the one for now. Maybe you like being held, you like having company to go out, you like having someone to talk to. You know who you are and you never lose yourself. Nobody is using you, you are here by choice

The third floor of love’s house

Living On the third floor is a cakewalk because you have all the information you need to move through any situation. You understand that love is an energy that heals everything. You learn to apply it to every situation. You are, waiting for love, and you are ready.

Here is an example of a 3rd. floor love.

Tim was a surgeon and Lara was a nurse. They worked together for about a year before they started dating. When Tim suggested they get married Lara agreed. Shortly after the honeymoon Lara realized that Tim was always critiquing her in a way that was a back handed compliment he would say things like “why are you only a nurse, they are only glorified slop queens; you are smart enough to be a doctor or your hair is pretty, but it would look nicer if it was shorter or streaked”

Then Tim decided it was time for Lara to get pregnant and took away her birth control pills. Lara did not want kids yet because she was not even sure she liked her husband. One day he said to her after 4 months of trying. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you get pregnant that’s when Lara blurted out because I don’t like you. You are just like my father.

Lara took 3 weeks alone to decide if she wanted to stay in the marriage. Then she came back home and demanded what she needed from Tim. He agreed.

When you live on the Third floor of, Love’s house, you realize that life is but a dream and you are the dreamer. As the dreamer, you know that you can change your scenario any time you wish. You demand what you want.

The Attic: the top floor of Love’s house

You’ve made it to the Attic of, Love’s house. Take a look around. Everything is in tip top shape, you look good, you’ve done good. You have made it to the top of the “Love is Sweet suite.” You are, waiting for love, but because you are ready you expect, love, to show up and it does.

So, what does life in the Attic look like?

Life in the Attic is what the film the Notebook is all about. Unconditional love. Love, that does not see color, love that does not see status. You love even the though the person you love does not even remember who you are anymore. It is where Jesus lives, it is where Buddha lives, it is where the archangels and healers live. It is the realm of the spirit and the highest level of the mind, it is where you want to live.

Many of us will never get to the attic of, love’s house, because it takes work to get there and stay there. My wish for you is not to live in the basement or even the first floor. Awareness is always the first step to change. You can’t change anything you are not aware of. I hope I gave you something to thing about.

Waiting for Love Avicii

Avicii, the singer songwriter also wrote a song called, Waiting For Love. Avicii, song was about discovering his wife missing in the morning, as he frantically searches the house and finds no trace of her. Distraught and despondent, he looks at a picture of his wife from the past before he leaves home on his mobility scooter the next day to search for her.

He roams through the countryside on his scooter, witnessing many sights and wonders in his journey; including a bridge, a city, a beach, a marsh, snowy mountains, and numerous grasslands and forests. As the man’s journey continues, he experiences flashbacks of him and his wife in happier times, all the while growing as a person and making unlikely friends as well as performing many good deeds along the way while he was, waiting for love, to return.

He ultimately returns to his home city in the midst of a celebration and is welcomed as a celebrity, as well as discovering his wife and love waiting for him as they reunite and embrace in joy.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of Transformation Fridays with coach Myrna until next time Namaste

Additional resources:

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

finding purpose, Life Coaching, transformation Friday

The Secret to Manifesting the Life of your Dreams

October 21, 2022 Myrna Morris Young

Every successful person first dreamed of success. But not everyone who, dreams, of success becomes successful. Success leaves clues.

In this episode I want to share with you the secrets of making your, dreams, a reality.

We are going to look at 6 well known celebrities and see if we can find the secrets to manifesting the, life of your dreams.

Download the podcast here

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11531252-the-secret-to-manifesting-the-life-of-your-dreams.mp3?download=true

How O.J Simpson manifested the life of his dreams

O.J Simpson, was a young boy who was born into poverty in a rundown section of San Francisco. This young boy became a fan of football legend, Jim Brown, then the running back for the Cleveland Browns. Even though this young boy was crippled by Rickets from malnutrition, he dreamed of one day becoming a star running back like his hero, Jim Brown.

Since he had no money to pay to see his hero play, he would wait outside the stadium for the maintenance crew to open up the gate in the fourth quarter and he would hobble on his crocked legs into the stadium and watch the balance of the game.

At the age of 13, he walked into an ice cream parlor one day after a 49’rs game against the Browns and came face to face with his idol, Jim Brown.

He went up to him and said “Mr. Brown I am your biggest fan. I know every record you’ve ever set, every touch down you’ve ever scored. Mr. Brown one day I am going to break every one of your records.”

Jim Brown smiled and said “That great Kid. What’s your name?”

The young boy smiled and said “Orenthal James Simpson my friends call me O.J”

O.J Simpson, did indeed go on to break all of Jim Brown’s records proving that, whatever you water will grow, and that, energy goes where attention flows.

So, what was O. J’s secret to manifesting his, dreams, of breaking all of his hero’s records and becoming the best even though he had crocked legs? Focus and determination. Whatever you think about you bring about.

There are more, rags to riches, stories than rich kids born with trust funds. Today I want to look at 6 other famous people who manifested the life of their dreams. We are looking for a common thread and that is the secret.

Some Names of, Rags to Riches, stories:

Oprah Winfrey success story

Oprah Winfrey, was born in the rural town of Kosciusko, Mississippi, on January 29, 1954. After a troubled adolescence in a small farming community, where she was sexually abused by a number of male relatives and friends of her mother, Vernita, Winfrey moved to Nashville to live with her father, Vernon, a barber and businessman.

Winfrey launched The Oprah Winfrey Show in 1986 as a nationally syndicated program that ran for 25 years, until 2011. With its placement on 120 channels and an audience of 10 million people, the show grossed $125 million by the end of its first year, of which Winfrey received $30 million. Winfrey went on to become the first Black woman Billionaire in the USA.

4 things that made Oprah manifest the life of her dreams

Oprah says the number one thing she relied on was her instinct. Women are born with instinct but we most times second guess our instincts and that is why we don’t succeed. We all have that inner voice that guides us. Oprah says “Every decision I’ve ever made that led me to the right space and place in my life, I got there because I relied on that inner voice.”

2. What is your intention?

Oprah says she read the book called “The Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav. In it, Zukav explains that intention precedes every thought and action and determines outcomes.

The principal of intention changed her life. “I started to make my decisions on what I intended,” she says. “What do I really intend to happen from the outcome of this decision or this choice?” I personally credit intention to my success as well. I read the book “The power of Intention” by Dr Dwayne Dwyer and used the, energy of intention, to design my life. Which is what I am teaching you guys to do.

3. What are you grateful for?

“I practice being grateful,” says Winfrey, and she knows what you’re thinking. “And a lot of people say, ‘Oh Oprah, that’s easy for you ‘cause you got everything!’”

No, says Winfrey: “I got everything because I practiced being grateful.”.

Winfrey, has been keeping, gratitude journals, for years. “Some days she says you only have, ‘I’m still breathing.’ Because life gets in the way.”

Gratitude is one of the most powerful energies in manifesting the life of your dreams. Most of you want the things you are dreaming about before you can feel gratitude. The secret is to feel, gratitude, before you get it. You have to use your imagination to feel like you already have the, life of your dreams, and feeling, gratitude. That is how you move the needle.

Know your truth

You have to know yourself. You can pretend to others and fake it till you make it, but you should not fool yourself.

How Tony Robbins manifested the life of his dreams

Tony Robbins, was born Anthony J. Mahavoric in North Hollywood, California, on February 29, 1960. Robbins is the eldest of three children, and his parents divorced when he was seven. He is of Croatian heritage from both sides of his family. His mother then remarried several times, including a marriage with Jim Robbins, a former semi-professional baseball player who legally adopted Anthony when he was 12.

During high school, Robbins grew ten inches in a year, a growth spurt later attributed to a pituitary tumor. He has said his home life was “chaotic” and “abusive”. When he was 17 years old, he left home and never returned. Robbins later worked as a janitor and did not attend college.^] One day he asked the landlord on site, who was a family friend, about how he became so successful. The landlord then told him that he started to turn his life around after going to a Jim Rohn seminar.

Tony Robbins, is now the #1 Life coach in the world speaking into the lives of millions, including Presidents, and top executives.

He is also instrumental in my story as I went to his seminar in 1992 and started my journey to manifesting the life of my, dreams, from that seminar.

Here are the 4 modalities that allowed, Tony Robbins, to manifest the life of his, dreams.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

1. MOVE PAST YOUR FEAR OF FAILURE

If you want to make your, dreams, a reality, it’s critical that you move past your, fear of failure. Fear can stop you from even thinking about taking the first steps toward the life you want. Fear of failure, makes you feel like you are treading water in one place.

2. EXAMINE LIMITING BELIEFS

Fear of failure is one of the most common, limiting beliefs, but it isn’t the only one. Would you be surprised to learn you can also have a, fear of success? Other common beliefs are that we’re not deserving of love and success, that we’ve “always been” a certain way or that we are inherently “not good at” something. All of these beliefs are false, and you must identify and replace them to make your, dreams, a reality.

3. REVEAL YOUR NEEDS

Every human on earth is driven by one of the, Six Human Needs. If your top need is connection or significance, you may feel like you’re following someone else’s dreams in order to fit in or earn love. If you need certainty, you may need to break away from your comfort zone to make your dreams a reality. Discovering your top needs can change your entire perspective on life.

WHAT ARE THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS?

Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

My top need is for contribution and service and that is why I try to speak into the lives of thousands on this show.

4. TAKE ACTION

Taking action is what Tony built his coaching practice on. In fact, he says to, take massive action. Tony says, “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.” Set goals and make a plan to get there. Hold yourself accountable every day. And never, ever give up.

Neal Donald Walsch secrets to dreams

Neal Donald Walsch – Twenty years ago, Neale Donald Walsch, was in deep struggle. He had lost everything – his house, his marriage, his health and his job. He spent a year living on the street. His life turned around the day he asked in despair, “God, what will it take for my life to work?” He was invited to step into another version of himself – the version that would share his greatest gifts with the world and publish the best-selling Conversations with God book series.

Neal’s strategies for manifesting your, dreams, are:

Live in the knowledge that you are one of God’s offspring and there is nothing you are required to do to “get better” or to be seen as perfect and beautiful to God.
Activate and tap into the full power of God by believing you are the Universe and all powerful.
Turn your feelings of anger, pain, fear and doubt into love. Love is an energy that facilitates change.

How Les Brown went from poverty to his dreams

Les Brown (born 1945) is a motivational speaker. Born into poverty and abandoned as a child, Les Brown, has gone on to become one of America’s best-known and highest-paid motivational speakers. His company, Les Brown Unlimited Inc., has made millions of dollars from the sale of motivational materials to a variety of audiences, from Fortune 500 executives to special education students and prisoners.

Les’s secretes for manifesting a, life of your dreams, are:

Have courage to go after your, dreams. “A lot of people do not muster the courage to live their, dreams, because they are afraid to die.
Give what you want to get. “Help others achieve their, dreams, and you will achieve yours.
You got to be hungry! “If you do not develop the hunger and courage to pursue your, dreams, you will lose your nerve and you will give up on your dream.

So, what do all these people have in common. They focused their attention on what they wanted and not their current circumstances.

Here are my secrets for Living the Life of Your Dreams

Use your imagination to dream big. As humans we are the only species that has the ability to imagine or daydream. Utilize this faculty to engage the, laws of attraction, and bring to you the desires of your heart.
Pay attention to how you feel. Dr Dwayne Dwyer says you got to feel good. When you feel good you attract good things into your life.
Launch your creation of your abundant life by launching your desires into the universe. Utilize prayer, meditation or any communication with infinite intelligence.
Be grateful for what you have right now.

Everyone has something they can be grateful for even if it is feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin or being able to walk in the rain. Do you know that people in prison would give anything to feel the sun or walk in the rain. Positive vibration attracts positive things and circumstances into your experience and your, dreams become reality.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, Transformation Fridays, with coach Myrna.

Additional Resources

Your Focus Determines Your Actions

Life Coaching, transformation Friday

How to Be Successful:10 Secrets to Success

October 7, 2022 Myrna Morris Young

I want to share 10, secrets to success, that are also my, secrets to success. I do believe that, success, leaves Clues. I have not achieved ultimate, success; I am still working towards it, but I am, successful, because I have succeeded in all the goals, I have set for myself.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11431435-10-secrets-of-my-success.mp3?download=true

Definition of success

So, what is the, definition of success? Success, is defined the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.

We all think that, success, means the attainment of wealth and furthermore we think wealth is millions in the bank. But let me share with you a secret, you are wealthier that 95% of the world if you have a savings account, if you have a jar of coins, if you have food to eat and a roof over your head.

You are considered, successful, if you have achieved eminence which means you have a successful career or profession. How many of you know that you could have a PHD and be recognized with all kind of awards and accolades and still live in poverty. I say all that to say that I am, successful, even though I have not yet achieved great wealth.

My story is probably similar to a lot of people who achieved, success. Most successful people start off with nothing and I am no exception.

How to be successful

I was born in British Guyana, in South America. When I was born Guyana was very a poor country, it still is a Third World country. Both my mom and my grandmother were domestic servants and we didn’t have much. My Dad taught me at a very early age the value of education to elevate ourselves out of poverty. He was very smart. When I was born he was in Teachers College and went on to get his PH.D in in London in his early thirties. This is the first step in, how to be successful, education.

I’m submerging myself right now in the book “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton and I’m understanding from Dr. Lipton, that genes give us 50% of our character and the other 50% comes from the environment we grew up in. Looking back, I can say that as a child, because I was the first born, I was cocooned in love so, the environment that I grew up in, kind of nullified the poverty thing.

Self Improvement Book: Out of the Snares — Out of the Snares of poverty, and abuse

10 Secrets to Success

So let me share with you the 10, secrets of my success, as recorded in my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement.

Secret # 1- Don’t be a victim. Many women in the black community have been molested as children and I was one of them. We could use that story to become a, victim, of our circumstances and that stifles, success, because, victims, have no power. A, victim mentality, says that somebody did something to you and that person has the power over you. Instead, you need to become as a Player. When you are a player, I use the analogy of a blackjack game, regardless of what the dealer is showing, regardless of where you are and your circumstances right now, regardless of what you see physically in front of you, you can still play to win.

Rewrite Your Story

Secret # 2 – Don’t be defined by where you start out, rewrite your story. In the movie Maid in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez was a maid and she lied about who she was so she could date a Senator, when she was found out and fired from the hotel, her manager told her just because we serve others, we are not their servants. They are no better than us because they have money. You are not inferior because you were born on the wrong side of the tracks or in a poor country. Your intelligence can take you from there and transplant you in the land of the riches. Another story I want to share with you is about Sydney Pottier. I was just watching his documentary on Netflix and he shared that he never saw lights, running water, a school nothing. He was born in a poor part of the Bahamas and when he first went to Nassau and saw the other side of how people lived, he was amazed.

Then he moved to Miami and started delivering food and encountered racism where because he was black, he was considered not worthy of anything. So he moved to Harlem where he saw for the first time, successful blacks. He decided to try his luck at acting, but he couldn’t read. He taught himself to read by reading the newspaper and got rid of his accent by mimicking a radio personality and he went on to become the first African American to win an academy award and star in the most iconic films. So regardless of where you start out in life you can always, rewrite your story.

Secrets to Success: An abundant mindset

Secret #3 – Develop an abundant mindset – When I was a child, my parents were poor but I had a very wealthy Godfather. I spent a lot of time at his house and he treated me like one of his grandchildren. Because of my association with my godfather, I never wanted for anything. When I became an adult, this, abundant mindset, helped me always look at a glass half full instead of half empty.

I immigrated to Toronto, Canada at 17 years old. I immediately got a good job at a bank with no experience. After a couple of years, I decided to go to college. Canada is a country with lots of benefits. I was able to go back to school for free, unemployment insurance from my job paid for my schooling. I graduated with a degree in computer science and I decided to go to sell computers because I understood that that’s where the most money was.

When you have an, abundant mindset, you look at the world as having everything you need and you don’t see lack. Because of this you attract into your experience abundance.

Secrets to success: Unleash the power within

Secrets to success, #4 – Unleash the power within. As I mentioned, after graduating from College, I took a job selling computers. A couple years into selling computers, my company received an invitation to attend a free seminar with Tony Robbins called, Unleash the power within. How many of you know that everything you need to be successful in life is pre-loaded into you at birth.

Joel Osteen says, we are all like a luxury car, we come pre-loaded with all kinds of luxury features and all we have to do is read the manual to figure out how to work them. Unleash the Power within, opened up to me my pre-loaded characteristics, I went into that seminar as a salesperson, I came out of that seminar an entrepreneur. Two months later, I started my own limousine service and went on to become the largest female operator in Toronto, Canada and winning the Entrepreneur of the year award.

Secret to Success, #5 – Persistence, never give up. If you have a goal or dream, never give up on it. My favorite mantra is “If you build it, they will come.” I have had several goals and dreams that I stuck with and, never gave up. My book “Out of the Snares” reads like a suspense novel as I give details about achieving my dream of becoming an American Citizen. I, never gave up; it took me 3 tries and 10 years but, in the end, I received this benefit.

I also kept looking for love, I have been married quite a few times until I found the man of my dreams.

I started my radio show and podcast 7 years ago and kept building and building. I knew I had to put in the time and finally, I have achieved, success. So, make persistence your top characteristic and never ever give up on your dreams.

Secrets to Success: Guidance from your higher self

Secrets to success, #6 – be open to guidance from the Divine or your, Higher self. You have to live consciously to be in communication with your spirit guide. I know now that the things that we see and the things that we pay attention to, is the universe speaking to us and directing us to our purpose.

The way to open yourself up to guidance from your, higher self, is to meditate and quiet your mind. I am most open to inspiration when I wake up in the morning and I act on all my inspiration messages so as to keep them coming.

Secret to success, #7 – Action. I am not one of those people who think about things for years and do nothing. I get inspiration and I move. Case in point. One day I was flipping through a newspaper and I saw the word Life coach under the name of one of my church members. I had never heard or seen that word before.

I was reading this book at the time and the author was saying that if you would like to find out how someone is achieving success buy them lunch or dinner and pick their brains. So, I invited my church sister to lunch and asked her everything I needed to know about becoming a Life coach. I didn’t waste any time, I took,action. I was enrolled in University of Miami coaching program the next month! Like I said, I move, I take, action.

About a year after becoming a, Life Coach, I received an invitation to be a guest on a radio show and talk about my, secrets to success, The show was aired on WDJY 99.1 Metro Atlanta. Hype Media Global owned the station and they loved my personality and my content and offered me my own show! The rest is history. The radio show turned into a podcast and a television show on Preach The Word Worldwide Television Network , Action, is the first step to the rest of your life.

Secret to Success: learn as you go

Secrets to success, # 8 – Jump in and, learn as you go. As I mentioned, when Hype media offered me my own show, I didn’t hesitate by saying I don’t know what to do. I had to learn to interview, I had to learn to produce my own show and then learn how to convert it to a podcast. I learned as I went on, then I had to learn how to write a blog, then I had to learn how to edit my website, how to do SEO, Etc. I am still learning every day.

Secrets to success, #9 – practice meditation. There are so many benefits to, meditation. For me, meditation, allows me to control my energy and vibration. When you relax your body and quite your mind from thoughts of the past or future you are able to concentrate on the, present moment. The, present moment, is the only thing that matters, it is really a present.

The benefit for me is that I know that when I have positive vibration, I attract the good things. If you want to be, successful, you need to engage the, laws of attraction, to bring you what you dream about. The only way to do this is to control your energy. Meditation, relaxes mind body so that your spirit which is your, subconscious mind, can get to work. This is how you become the co-creator of your life. So, meditate and concentrate on what you want because where attention goes, energy flows!

Secret to success: Transform Your Mind

Secrets to success, #10 – Transform your mind, I encourage everybody that’s listening to this podcast or reading this blog, to look at what beliefs and behaviors are not serving you and replace them. It is not easy because most of us live unconsciously, but awareness is key.

Look for the opportunity in any setback. I’m an optimist. I am not sure when this started, but I’m an optimist. Optimism is one of the foundations to, secrets to success, anytime something happens to me or I receive any kind of push-back, I look for the opportunity in it. What I’m talking about is, transform your mind, to obstacles or setbacks; when one door closes another door opens. Don’t spend too much time looking in the rear-view mirror, you are not going that way.

I was working for Office Depot when Office Depot and OfficeMax merged and they fired me and gave me a great severance package. I had worked for Office Depot for ten years. With that severance package, I started my own business and went into it full time. I never looked back. I had coworkers who wallowed in self-pity. What am I going to do? How am I going to find a job at 50 years old? Cry, cry.

I heard Oprah say it a different way.

The sun is always there even when the clouds are covering it. The sun is still shining underneath, you just can’t see it. Always look for the silver lining, if you look for it, you will find it.

Live your life with intention. Intention is energy, it’s thought. Before you do anything, it first has to be a thought in your brain. Before you can hold anything in your hand you first have to hold it in your head.

These are my, secrets to my success; I hope you can make them yours.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into, Transformation Fridays, with coach Myrna. I hope you were inspired today and look at, success, differently. I hope to see you back here next week for another episode of, Transformation Fridays. Until then Namaste

Additional Resources

How to Unleash The Power Within

Life Coaching, setting goals, transformation Friday

Goal Setting: How to Set Strong Goals Like Tom Brady

September 30, 2022 Myrna Morris Young

Tom Brady, says, the key to success lies in, goal setting, and taking massive action towards the attainment of these goals. Tom says a hundred years of psychological research has taught us that, setting strong goals, matter, if you want to improve your chances of succeeding.

As Millennials graduate from high school, graduate from college, or get engaged to be married, a formula on, How to Set Strong Goals, should be prominent their minds.

In each stage of life, we should have, short term goals, and, long-term goals. Short term goals are goals you would like to achieve within the year and, long-term goals, are goals you would like to achieve in let’s say 10 years.

So, if we were to ask a young lady what her goals after graduation are from college, her short-term goals, would probably be either get a job and start supporting herself or enroll in a graduate program.

Today I want to teach on, goal setting, not just having a mediocre goal but a strong goal, set SMART goals.

I always like to use stories as an illustration so today I want to use, Tom Brady, goal setting as a demonstration of how to, set SMART goals

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11389219-how-to-set-strong-smart-goals.mp3?download=true

How to Set Strong Goals like a Champion: Tom Brady

A, strong goal, is a map to your destination. It is like a seed!
Plant, strong goals, in your mind and it will be the most important decision you make in your life. Then Care of your planted seed every day.

Tom Brady’s story on goal setting

By the mid-2000s, Tom Brady, was the undisputed king of the gridiron. In 2002 he became the youngest quarterback in the history of the National Football League, NFL, to lead his team to a, Super Bowl, victory. Two years later, in 2004, he proved the magic was still strong when he led the New England Patriots to their second, Super Bowl, title in three years.

In addition, Tom Brady, was named the Super Bowl’s Most Valuable Player (MVP) in 2002 and 2004. The dimpled, clean-cut quarterback had reached career heights that most veteran football players envied, and he had done it all before he was thirty years old; But, Tom Brady, ONCE HAD SIMPLE DREAMS

In the pride-swallowing days at the University of Michigan, when he was constantly trying to prove that he deserved to start, Brady used to sit up at night with his good friend Aaron Shea and talk about what they’d do when they made it big. Shea, a tight end for the Wolverines, used to rattle off the typical 20-year-old dream purchases. He wanted a Hummer and a Ferrari. Then Shea would ask what Brady wanted.

“‘If I hit it real big,'” Shea recalls, Tom Brady, telling him, “‘I want to be able to wake up, put a pair of socks on, and at the end of the day, I throw them away.’
“I’m like, ‘That’s all you want?’ And he goes, ‘Yeah, that’s what I want. I love new socks!'” But somewhere along the line, he got big dreams. Dreams of being the best!

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Setting the goal to be the greatest to play the sport

Tom Brady, was so intent on winning and becoming the very best in history to play his position, that after the Patriot’s lost to the Broncos in the AFC championship game in 2016, he had a countdown clock installed in his home gym. I am sure because he wanted to be the undisputed champion and Peyton Manning had won, this round! Competition brings out the best in us.

Throughout the year the countdown clock served as his constant reminder of his goal. A countdown clock says to his, subconscious mind. I will achieve this goal, it is mine, it’s just a matter of time so I am counting down!

The world was the witness at, Super Bowl 51, of, Tom Brady, manifesting of this goal. Down by 25 points at the half, Tom Brady, and the New England Patriots came back to win the game in overtime making Brady the best ever at the game!

With his mother in attendance at the NRG Stadium in Houston and millions of fans watching, Tom Brady, did not disappoint. In a thrilling game, the first that went into overtime in, NFL, history, Brady led the Patriots to a 34-28 victory over the Atlanta Falcons. With this historic win, Brady became the first quarterback in, NFL, history to take home five, Super Bowl rings.

Tom Brady sets the goal of 7 Super Bowl rings

He surpassed quarterbacks Joe Montana, one of his idols, and Terry Bradshaw, who both have four Super Bowl, wins. He also was awarded his fourth Super Bowl MVP for leading a 25-point comeback and throwing a Super Bowl-record 466 passing yards. Super Bowl LI was Brady’s seventh championship, which is also an NFL record for the most Super Bowls played.

Brady failed in his bid to become the best and most decorated quarterback in history when he lost to the Eagles in Super bowl 52; but how many of you know that failure is not final.

He took his talents to the, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and in his first season with the Buccaneers, was a major success, as Tampa Bay won 11 games and earned a playoff spot. In the postseason Brady led his team to three straight road victories to advance to the, Super Bowl. There the, Buccaneers,’ standout defense and Brady’s solid play led Tampa Bay to a decisive victory over the Kansas City Chiefs to capture the team’s second (and Brady’s seventh) championship. Brady’s set the, strong goal, to the greatest to ever play the game and he succeeded because when you have a goal and you don’t give up on it, you always win that is why

Coach Lombardi advise is “Never, Never give up, Never ever Quit because Quitters never win”

SMART Goals, have a powerful supernatural energy attached to them!
They activate the subconscious to go to work for you.

In the book “As a man thinketh” by James Allen, Allen attaches the energy of thought to goals.

James Allen: Add Thoughts to Setting Goals

Those who have no central purpose or goals in their life fall an easy prey to petty worries, fears, troubles, and self-pitying’s, all of which are indications of weakness, which lead, just as surely as deliberately planned sins, to failure, unhappiness, and loss; for weakness cannot persist in a power evolving universe.

A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose or goal in his heart and set out to accomplish it. He should make this goal the centralizing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought-forces upon the object, which he has set before him.

He should make this purpose his supreme duty, and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his goal, the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting-point for future power and triumph.

What this means is if your only goal as you graduate from college is to get a job you will find that when you get to your second or third act in life that you may have achieved financial success, but you would have no fulfillment. Fulfillment is only achieved when you are on purpose. On the other hand, if you set goals either for spiritual attainment, personal accomplishment, or for contribution even when you fail and you most likely will, you will be like, Tom Brady, and know that given time, success will be yours.

James Allen, goes on to say that having conceived of his purpose, a man should mentally mark out a straight pathway to its achievement, looking neither to the right nor the left. Doubts and fears should be rigorously excluded; they are disintegrating elements, which break up the straight line of effort, rendering it crooked, ineffectual, or useless.

Thoughts of doubt and fear never accomplished anything, and never can. They always lead to failure. Purpose, energy, power to do, and all strong thoughts cease when doubt and fear creep in.

Amy Purdy Snowboarding goal setting

Amy’s story
After losing both her legs at age 19 as a result of bacterial meningitis, Amy Purdy survived to lead a life of extraordinary accomplishments. Amy not only survived losing her legs but at one time all her organs were failing, and she actually died. She tells that when she died, two spirits on the other side offered her a choice of staying dead or coming back to life and she shouted No, I don’t want to die!!

She chose life the same way she chose not to be a disabled person who lives an uninspiring life. She chose to set the goal of snowboarding again. She tells the story of how she visualized in detail her achieving this goal. Amy went on to become a Paralympic bronze medalist in snowboarding, and a finalist on “Dancing with the Stars”. Pick up a copy of her book “On My Own Two Feet: From Losing My Legs to Learning the Dance of Life.” To read about her incredible story

So today, I would like to teach you, How to set strong goals. Goals that make you want to get up in the morning. Goals that motivate and inspire you to action.

Here are 6 steps to setting and accomplishing strong goals

How to Set Strong Goals Step # 1
Start with a road-map
He who doesn’t have a map gets lost.
If you don’t know where you are going, then it doesn’t matter where you end up.
Begin with the end in mind

Here are a few examples of strong goals
• I want to have $500,000 in my bank account at the age of 65, so as not to be a burden to my kids.
• I want to leave a legacy and an inheritance for my children and my children’s children.
• I want to have 3 children, a husband, a good job and own my own home by the time I am 35 years old.

Knowing where you are going allows you to map the route to your destination.

The body is the servant of the mind. It obeys the operations of the mind, whether they be deliberately chosen or automatically expressed. At the bidding of unlawful thoughts, the body sinks rapidly into disease and decay; at the command of glad and beautiful thoughts it becomes clothed with youthfulness and beauty.

Step 2: Know Your Why?

Knowing your why will get you through the tough times.

S- is for specific for example I want to have $500,000 in the bank
M- is for
A – It must be achievable
R – it must be realistic to some degree

T – It must be timely. A goal is just a dream without a date on it. For example, I want to have $500,000 in the back by the time I am 65 years old.

Your why, so I would not be a burden to my kids. Your Why could be I don’t want to depend on social security.

Step 3: Plan your route

What do you plan to do in exchange for $500,000 in the bank?

How will you attract this money?

Maybe you need to understand the principles or laws on attracting money. Understand how the law of attraction works. Maybe you have an investment strategy, or you plan to become an entrepreneur and sell something.

Goal Step 4: Measure your progress

You can’t grow anything you can’t measure
Borrow to invest. Get your credit score in shape and borrow to invest in Real Estate which is one of the surest ways to build wealth. I was listening to the audio book “Self-Made” a few months back and the author said don’t buy shoes, buy buildings! Great advice.

Goal Step 5: Be prepared for the twists and turns in the road

What skills do you need to acquire to achieve this goal?
What contacts do you need?
What additional knowledge do you need?
What resources do you need to accomplish this goal?

Remember that just because you set a goal and a destination don’t expect the weather will cooperate and the sky will be sunny for the entire trip.
No. Expect that there will be circumstances beyond your control that will delay you, so build in a buffer. Add a few years to your deadline.

In the journey to your goal, you will experience setbacks. A job loss, a divorce, health issues etc. Don’t let the twists and turns in the road, derail you from your goals.

I heard a story of a mother of two who was laid off and without income. She decided to start selling the things in her home on eBay to pay the bills. She then started a meet up group for other eBay sellers to learn the business. She got information for sourcing discount items from wholesalers to sell on eBay. Obviously, her household items could only get her so far!
At one of these meetup meetings, she met an executive from eBay who encouraged her to become a certified ambassador for eBay. That 10Xd her business. Today she has income of over one million dollars annually from eBay sales.

The lesson, setbacks can push you in the direction of your purpose so, change the way you look at failure.

Goal Step 6: Seeing your path

Use your imagination to visualize the things you want to accomplish
Visualize in color with all the details!

The goal of having $500,000 in the bank at 65 years old. Visualize the money in the bank. What do you look like at 65 years old? Who are you with? Where are you living?

What would you do with the money? See the places you would travel to. Dr Joe Vitalie says to nebulize your goals that means to see you already accomplishing them.

So, in conclusion, set strong goals, set SMART goals. Write them down and refer back to them often. And the Law of Attraction will do the rest. I want to leave you with this quote

Only by much searching and mining, are gold and diamonds obtained, man can find every truth connected with his being, if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul; he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny.

So, live your life on purpose. Set goals for achievement, for contribution for fun and play and then go do it!

Additional Resources

Life Coaching, transformation Friday

Persistence: How to Stick with it

September 22, 2022 Myrna Morris Young

Nothing in this world can take the place of, persistence, nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Fun fact 35% of New Year’s resolutions are broken before Dr King’s birthday January 19.

If you want to be successful, develop the habit of reaching decisions promptly and of changing these decisions slowly. People who fail, without exception, have the habit of reaching decisions very slowly, and changing these decisions quickly and often.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11361376-persistence-how-to-stick-with-it.mp3?download=true

Authur’s persistence story

Here is the story of, persistence. Aurthur was an airborne paratrooper. Jumping out of airplanes killed his knees, his back, his legs. When he got out of the army he walked with a cane and couldn’t do anything, so he gained a lot of weight. He could not support his weight, so he couldn’t exercise. The doctor at the VA told him to accept his faith that he would never walk normal again. His health rapidly declined.

One day while surfing the internet, He came across Diamond Dallas Page doing yoga. He said I could do this. He bought the DVD. He could use his arm to support his weight and get a cardio workout. Arthur was 297 lbs when he started doing yoga. He kept falling down, but he would get back again. Every day he got better and better in 19 months he had lost over 100 lbs and could not only walk without a cane but he could run. If he didn’t persist, he would still be 297 lbs or more.

You have to have desire to persist. Your desire has to make you feel good. Change rarely works unless it is motivated by feeling. Arthur wanted to feel better, to look better and as he started losing weight and feeling better, he was proud of himself.

You need persistence to create a fortune

Some people who have accumulated great fortunes did so because of necessity. They developed the habit of, persistence, because circumstances forced them to become, persistent. Those who have cultivated the, habit of persistence, seem to enjoy insurance against failure. No matter how many times they are defeated. They finally arrive at the top of the ladder. Sometimes it appears that there was a hidden guide whose duty is to test us through all sorts of discouraging experiences.

Those who pick themselves up after defeat and keep on trying finally arrive at their destination. The hidden guide lets no one enjoy great achievement without passing the, persistence test. Those who fail the, persistence test, simply did not make the grade. Those who pass are rewarded for their, persistence, and in return they get the goal they are pursuing. But that is not all. They receive something infinitely more important than material compensation. They acquire the knowledge that every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent advantage.

People who learn from experience the importance of, persistence, will not accept defeat as being anything more than temporary. They are the ones whose desires are so persistently applied, that defeat is finally changed into victory. We see that an overwhelmingly large number of people go down in defeat, never to rise again. We also see the few who take the punishment of defeat as an urge to greater effort. But what we do not see is the silent but irresistible power that comes to the rescue of those who persist in the face of discouragement.

The power of persistence

If we speak of this power at all, we call it, persistence, and let it go with that. One thing is sure. If you do not have, persistence, you will not achieve noteworthy success in any calling.

I am studying the book Think and Grow Rich and there is an excellent story of the author, Napoleon Hill, on how he persisted in the face of 7 major life defeats to become the author of one of the best self-improvement books ever written.

Here is brief, biography of Napoleon Hill. Hill was born into poverty in the backwoods of Virginia. Young Nap, as he was called, was the local gun toting troublemaker. He would probably have ended up a criminal had his widowed father not met and married Martha Raimi. Nap’s new stepmother set out to change the family’s troublemaker ways, and she started by trading a typewriter for his six-shooter pistol.

She told him if you become as good with a typewriter as you are with that gun, you may become rich and famous and known throughout the world. Her faith and encouragement turned young Nap around and by the age of 15, he was submitting stories to the local newspapers and doing everything he could to get himself out of his meager circumstance.

After completing high school and one year at a business college, he wrote an audacious letter to Rufus Ayers, one of the most powerful men in the call industry. He’ll wrote to apply for a job and got the job.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Napoleon Hill persistence eventually led to victory

Setback #1 – Hill advanced rapidly until he was assuming responsibilities and receiving a salary far out of proportion to his age. He’ll also prove to be so trustworthy and honest that Eyers promoted him to replace the manager, making this 19-year-old, the youngest manager of a mine and in charge of 350 men. Then his employer lost his fortune, and Hill lost his position.

Setback # 2 – His next position was that of sales manager of a large lumber manufacturer in the south, his advancement was rapid. And he did so well that his employer took him into partnership with him. The business was making tons of money and Hill was again at the top of his game then disaster struck. The 1907 Panic swept down, and overnight it rendered him poor by destroying the business and relieving him of every dollar that he had.

Setback #3 – Hill decided to go to law school. He attended law school at night and worked as an automobile salesman during the day. He saw the need for trained automobile mechanics. So, he opened an educational department in the manufacturing plant and began to train ordinary machinist in automobile assembly and repair work.

The school prospered paying Hill over $1,000 a month in net profits. His banker knew the business was prospering therefore, he loaned him money to expand. Then when he couldn’t pay, he took over my business as calmly as if it had belonged to him, which it did. From an income of more than $1,000 a month, he was suddenly reduced to poverty.

Setback # 4– Hill decided to move to Chicago. His first position in Chicago was that of advertising manager for a large correspondence school. He once again did so well that the president of the school induced him to resign his position and go into the candy manufacturing business with him. The business grew rapidly and soon they had a chain of stores in 18 different cities. Then his partner got greedy and got Hill arrested on false charges so they could take the business. Hill was cleared of any wrongdoing but once again he was out of a job and money.

Setback # 5 – Hill then turned his efforts to teaching advertising and salesmanship at one of the colleges in the Midwest. His school prospered from the very beginning. He had a resident class and also a correspondence school. Then President Woodrow Wilson declared the United States would enter the war against Germany. At one stroke all his students were drafted in the war and Hill charged off more than $75,000 in tuition fees. Once more, he was penniless.

Setback # 6 – The time had come for another turning point. Hill decided to sit down at my typewriter his first love and to his astonishment, his hands began to play a tune on the keyboard. He had never written so rapidly or so easily before. The words were downloaded to him. Hill wrote was a long essay in which he described a new idealism based on the golden rule that he thought could emerge from the war.

He declared that he would help spread the word and vowed he was going to find the money to launch a new magazine to be called Hills Golden Rule. His, persistence, paid off, by early January of 1919 Hills Golden Rule magazine was on the newsstands. It was a hit and made lots of money until he exposed some bad men and they tried to kill him. He then had to run for his life and hide out.

Setback # 7 – While in hiding, Hill decided to complete the project he started 20 years earlier. In March of 1928, Hill published the results of his efforts, a multi volume Master Work and title Law of Success. No one had ever seen anything like it. It was a phenomenon, a runaway bestseller. A little over a year later, while Hill was finally enjoying the fruits of his long Labor and, persistence, the stock market crash of 1929 hit, the bottom fell out of everything, including the market for books.

It you stick with it you will have victory

Victory – Though he never gave up on his vision, like the rest of America, Hill struggled through the depression. He lectured, he wrote, and he taught in every way he could, but it was very hard to preach personal achievement to a country that had lost faith in itself. Napoleon Hill, made it his personal mission to turn the tide by creating a variety of self-help programs, but it became disappointingly apparent that it was going to take more than one man to do it.

When Franklin D Roosevelt was elected president, he reached out to, Napoleon Hill. They released Think and Grow Rich to such resounding success that it sold well over a million copies even before the depression ended. To date it has sold more than 60 million copies worldwide. And to this day, it still sells more than a million copies a year in its various editions.

Why did, Napolean Hill, persist? Because he wanted to be rich.

Why do persist? Or do you stay down when you get knocked down.

How many people you know would keep trying after being knocked down 7 times? The devil would have gotten his hocks in your mental state and told you that you are a failure and that you will never be successful. You don’t have what it takes. Etc. If the devil leads you into depression or disappointment, then he’s got you. He has removed your heart, your desire. You become just cold, tap water.

Don’t be tap water

Do you know what happens at, 212 degrees? Water boils

At 211% it is just hot water.

What can hot water do? Not much

What can boiling water do?

Everything!

At, 212 degrees, the steam from boiling water can power locomotives.

Boiling water can cook your food.

That one degree is the difference between mediocrity and great achievement.

This one little degree of extra effort is usually the difference between winning or losing in life. It is where you find the top athletes. The ones who play through pain, the ones who get back up after being knocked down.

Most Olympics track events are won by seconds, by the person who desires it the most and is willing to give it that extra 1% to get to boiling.

The Daytona 500 is won every year with a one second difference between the winner and looser. The first-place winner takes home a prize of 1,650,000 and the second-place winner takes home 600,000.

That 1% is worth over 1 million dollars.

We see the losing team crying at the Super Bowl. They were so close. All that was needed was a little more heat, one extra degree of effort.

So, what makes the difference? Why only a few people in this world turns it up that extra 1 degree?

You Got to be hungry

The difference is courage, confidence, self-reliance, stamina and, persistence.

As Les Brown says “you got to be hungry”

I love Mike Tyson

He did an interview on why he dominated the sport, and it went like this:

As I approach the ring my confidence builds this is my world the ring is my where I excel. The closer I get to the ring the more confident I get. As I step into the ring, I am a God I am invincible. I never take my eyes off of my opponent. I stare him down and as soon as he looks away, I know that I won. I see fear in his eyes.

So, let’s fast forward to the Tyson and Buster Douglas championship fight. Tyson was in his glory he is dominating the fight. He hits his knock down punch and Douglas falls to the ground. The count begins Douglas can’t get up. 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9, bell! Saved by the bell. Douglas goes to his corner and he remembers his why. Why he must win this fight.

You see Douglas’s mother told him that he was going to be the Heavy Weight champion of the world. She believed in him when no one else did and she died 2 days before the fight. He couldn’t let her down. That was all he needed to bring his desire to boiling point. That was all he needed to push through the pain and fear.

He came back out and Tyson was no longer a God, he was no longer a giant. He saw in his mind’s eye an ant that could be crushed and he started to fight with that end goal in mind. The opportunity came in the 10th round. An uppercut to the right jaw and Tyson fell like Goliath! The new Heavy Weight champion of the world Buster Douglas.

Conclusion

If you stick with it, you will win. Let, persistence, become your friend and do not be, tap water.

Thanks for tuning into to, Transformation Fridays, with coach Myrna. Hope you were inspired today to go out and transform your life. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Desire – I got to have it

creating wealth, Life Coaching, Personal Development, setting goals, transformation Friday

Desire – I got to have it

September 9, 2022 Myrna Morris Young

Welcome to transformation Fridays with coach Myrna, today I want to talk on the subject of, desire – when you, got to have it.

Desire is energy, the, energy of desire, is a force that creates movement towards a desired goal or purpose. The target determines the arrow! When you, desire, something, you think about it all the time and the universe gets to work on manifesting it for you.

When we use the word, desire, we could mean either one of 2 things, the desire, for things, or the desire for sex, sexual desire. In this episode I share tools on how to manifest your, desire for money, and other tangible things.

Download Podcast Here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11270228-desire-i-got-to-have-it.mp3?download=true

When you got to have it

The concept of a, burning desire, was introduced at the beginning of the book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. In the book Hill tells the story of a little girl whose momma sent her to get 50 cents from her uncle. This little girl went and told her uncle my momma would like to have 50 cents. The uncle replied tell your momma I don’t have no 50 cents.

But the little girl did not leave she just waited. Minutes go by and the uncle turns around from what he has been doing and noticed the girl still standing at the door, he says go on now before I take a belt to you. Still the little girl would not leave. Finally, he walks towards her preparing to give her the belt and this little walks towards him looking him straight in the eye and yelled at the top of her lungs “my momma got to have that 50 cents”

The uncle amazed put his hand in his pocket and took out 50 cents and gave it to her.

A, burning desire, what is when you, got to have it. If you, got to have it, you won’t go away when someone tells you no, you won’t throw in the towel at the first failure. You won’t move until you get it.

Sylvester Stallone had to have the part of Rocky Balboa

I love the story of Sylvester Stallone. I have a chapter dedicated to, desire, in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” and I tell the story of Sylvester Stallone. If you have never heard it let me share.

Sylvester Stallone was broke, that’s usually how good stories start. When you hit rock bottom the only place you can go is up.

Anyway, Sylvester was broke and couldn’t afford heat in his home. One day he decided to go into the library to get warm and someone left a book on the table he was sitting on. He decided to read this book. It was a compilation of the works of Edgar Allan Poe. He devoured the book. He said that the book moved him and helped him to stop thinking about himself and to want to help other people. It made him want to become a writer.

He immediately went home and starting writing movie scripts. He wrote a few screen plays and made a few bucks. One day he happened to watch the Mohamed Ali vs Chuck Wepner fight and was inspired to write the story of Rocky Balboa about a nobody fighter given the “million to one opportunity” to challenge for the heavy weight title. He sat down and wrote this script straight for 20 hours without taking a break.

Then he started pitching the script to producers. He was turned down by several studios until he found one that offered him $150,000 for the script, but Stallone had one condition he had to star in the film as Rocky. The studio said no way we are not going to spend millions to produce a film and place an unknown guy who talked funny to play the lead. They said no way Sylvester said, no deal. His desire to play the Rocky was non-negotiable he had to have it.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

The energy of desire will bring you what you need

They kept upping the price they went all the way up to $450,000 and he still said no. Think of that little standing girl by the door not moving until she got her 50 cents.

Stallone would not budge his, burning desire, was to play the lead as Rocky and he had to have it. Meanwhile he was so broke that he had to sell his dog for $50 and he stole his wife’s jewelry and pawned them for money.

But just like the uncle the studio finally said yes, and the rest is history. Sylvester Stallone got his goal to be a movie star because he had to have it. The film went on to make history scoring 10 Academy awards, winning best picture and triggering one of the most financially successful movie series in history. It cost Stallone $15,000 and a part in the movie for him to buy back his dog.

My own personal story was the same, my, desire, to become an American Citizen was a, burning desire. I had to have it and I didn’t take no for an answer. I applied 3 times for permanent residence and the third time which was an act of total bravery, the immigration officer said to me it looks like you really, desire, this benefit and gave it to me! I did really want this benefit. America was my promised land, the land of milk and honey, the land of generational increase!

The energy of the desire for money

When we use the word, desire, we could mean either one of 2 things the need for things, or the desire for sex, sexual desire.

Let’s take a deep dive into both of these types of, desire.

Starting with the, desire for things let’s look at the most common goal. The, desire for money, or riches. How do we transform our, desire for money, into its physical counterpart, money, in our hands

I just finished reading the book “Think and Grow Rich” for the 5th time and the author gives us 6 steps to alchemize your, desire for money, into money in your hand.

6 steps to alchemize your desire for money

Step # 1 Name your, desire – do you want a million dollars, do you want $50,000 dollars what is the amount of money you want? It can’t be general like, I want to be rich.

Step # 2 – Select a time frame you, got to have it, by. For example, I need a million dollars in my bank account by the time I am 65 years old.

Step # 3 – What are you going to do to get this money. What service are you going to give in exchange for this money. Most people that dream of a million dollars dream of winning the lottery. This is not a bad, people win the lottery every week, but that, desire, can’t be alchemized because you are not exchanging service for pay.

If you have ever gone on YouTube, you will see literally thousands of examples of this. Every Ad is about someone selling you a course on how they made millions, and they want to share the secrets and steps with you. That is what they are offering in exchange for money.

Step # 4 – Create a plan to get this money. Let’s say you decided you want to have a million dollars in your bank account by the time you are 65 years old, and you want to make this money by selling a course on how to start an online business. This is the stage to create the plan. How are you going to find your audience, once you define your audience, how are you going to get them to click your link to your squeeze page. How will you sell your course? Will you do a webinar or workshop? Create a plan to get this money.

Step # 5 – Write it down. A plan in your head does nothing to alchemize, desire. Writing it down gives it form. Thoughts are formless, a plan on paper starts the wheels turning to bring it from the formless to form. That is money in your hands.

Step -# 6 See yourself having your desire. See yourself with a million dollars in your bank account. How is your life different, what are your doing, who are you do it with? If you plan to retire at 65 see yourself relaxing, traveling the world or just sipping margaritas in your back yard with a view of the mountains.

These are the steps according to Napoleon Hill to alchemize your, desire for money.

Now let’s look at sexual desire

In the book “The Alchemy of Desire by Tarun J Nepal the author says that love is not the greatest glue between 2 people. Sex is.

The book talks about the day he woke up after 15 years of marriage and no longer had a, sexual desire, for his wife.

He goes through the, alchemy of desire, what makes you, desire, someone and what happens when you no longer, desire, them.

He said he was still madly in love with his wife, but his, desire, for her had died. A man needs, sexual desire, to make his body parts work. The body is the true engine of life. When a man loses, sexual desire, for a woman, when this happens women ask is it me? Is it something I did? Was it something I said? The answer is I don’t know.

We don’t know why we fall in love; we don’t know why we have, sexual desire, it just happens and when it goes away, we don’t know why. What we do know is that when sex leaves a marriage it is over.

Desire is energy. Behind every, goal, is the need to feel good! Everything you, desire, is because you think it will bring you some form of pleasure.

There are 7 major positive emotions. Desire heads up the list.

The seven positive emotions are:
1. Desire
2. Faith
3. Love
4. Sex
5. Enthusiasm
6. Romance
7. Hope

Positive emotions enable the, Law of Attraction, to bring you like thoughts. Here is the process that starts with the, energy of desire.

You, desire, something, then you package it with positive emotion. Thoughts are energy travelling at a high rate of vibration. Thoughts that have been modified or stepped up by any of the major, positive emotions, vibrate at a much higher rate than ordinary thought.

When you think of your, goal, package it with, positive emotions, and see yourself walking in those, positive emotions, like happiness, gratitude, success. And when you tell yourself you, got to have it, the universe says okay!

Conclusion

Thanks for spending time with me today. I appreciate your time. Tune in next week for another episode of, transformation Friday, with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

How to Accelerate Your Soul Journey: Clear these Money Blocks

Life Coaching, Self-confidence, transformation Friday

How to Raise your Self-esteem by Erasing Self Doubt

September 2, 2022 Myrna Morris Young

Coach Myrna share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

Welcome to, Transformation Fridays, with Coach Myrna today I would like to teach on the topic how to, raise your self esteem, by erasing, self doubt.

First let me give you the definition of, self-confidence, self-confidence, is defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.

Self-esteem, is confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect. Pretty similar.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11231957-how-to-raise-your-self-esteem-by-erasing-self-doubt.mp3?download=true

A self esteem story

I was listening to a Ted talk video some time back and the speaker was telling his back story. He said for 10 years he smoked crack, when he woke up and before he went to bed every day. Hoping to numb the pain of living. He was a disappointment to his mother, his wife and his children. He felt worthless! So, no, self-esteem.

On his second trip to prison, he spent a total of 8 years in prison, his adopted mother had a heart attack and died. He felt pretty low that this woman who adopted him and loved him as her own and who tried to give him a better life, was now in the hospital, and he was not there to offer her comfort. The prison did not even allow him to go to her funeral. This was the first spark of change in him. Maybe he should do something with his life other than being a mess up.

When he got out of prison this time he decided to go to college. He was now a middle-aged black man and he was in college with 20-year-old white students. Never the less he did good and now looked forward to the accolades his teachers gave him because he was performing better than expected. He said that praise was now his new drug. He lived for his teachers praises. One day one of his teachers put an application for a job on his desk. He couldn’t believe it. His teacher had, confidence, in him, his teacher had confidence in his ability to do the job.

The, self-confidence, seedling inside him got water and grew a little. As his self-confidence grew his life changed. No longer was he a non-contributing member of society, he was making a contribution. He now had a new family and 7 years after he was released from prison, he received his PHD in Physiology!

Self confidence is needed for success

Self-confidence, doesn’t always come naturally. Sometimes you have to practice and practice until you build it. Sometimes it comes from your teachers, your parents, your friends or your boss.

So today I want to share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

But before we can get to the solution of anything or before we can get to anywhere on the map, we have to know how we got to where we are right now and pinpoint where we are.

For example. If you are at the mall and you are wanting to go to Macy’s department store you look at the map and it shows “You are here” if you want to get to Macy’s than you know you have to walk right or left. It is the same way in life.

Statics show that we can shed a lot of light on how we got here on the map by looking at our childhood. You see parenting does not come with a manual and some parents get it right; but most get it wrong.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index

We get our self esteem from our caregivers

Understanding your, inner child, is very important to unlocking the door of where you are on the map today. You see when you came into the world you were totally dependent on someone else to care for you. Not just to feed you, bathe you, and to keep you warm, but to love you, protect you and nurture you.

If whenever you cried your mother or caregiver came and picked you up and smiled at you and comforted you, then you transformed that into the feeling that you are important.

If, however when you cried you were ignored, then you formed the feeling that you were unwanted. Even though you have no memory of being a baby, your heart and your internal computers have a record of everything. A hypnotist can go back and pull it out. That is the root of, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, that has now grown into an oak tree!

If you are listening to me and you are experiencing, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, or you don’t understand why you are not getting the results you want. Why you are here on the map and you can never get over there. I challenge you to do the work find out why.

I was watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday a few months ago and she had a guest who talked about going back to your childhood home in your mind and looking out the window. What do you see?

Looking out your childhood window

I grew up poor in Guyana but with a lot of love. When I looked through the window of the room, we lived in. I saw that even though I was poor, I had hope, I had love, I had friends, and I was happy. I saw that I had, self-confidence, because I did well in school and I had many boyfriends. I had, self-confidence, because I believed I was intelligent like my dad who was a professor.

What do you see when you look through the window of your childhood home? Can you find the root of your, lack of self-confidence, and, self-doubt?

Here are a few reasons we develop low self-esteem

We were inadequately nurtured as children.
We could have absorbed negative messages about ourselves and it still resides in the core of our beings.
Parents or teachers extremely critical.
Poor academic performance in school.
Did not fit in either because of looks or clothing or religion.

Trauma, Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse can all significantly affect our feelings of self-worth. If you find yourself replaying memories of abuse or otherwise feeling tormented by or ashamed of your experiences, please consider seeking treatment from a licensed clinician.

Parenting style. The way we were treated in our family of origin can affect us long after childhood. For instance, if you had a parent who constantly belittled you, compared you to others, or told you that you would never amount to anything, you likely carry those messages with you today. A parent’s struggles with, mental health, and substance abuse can also change your relationship with the world.

Bullying, harassment, and humiliation. Childhood bullying can leave a mark on your confidence when it comes to looks, intellectual and athletic abilities, and other areas of your life. Humiliating experiences in adulthood, including workplace harassment or a peer group that disrespects or demeans you, can also make you less willing to speak up for yourself or pursue ambitious goals.

Gender, race, and sexual orientation. Scores of studies show women are socialized to worry more about how they’re perceived and, therefore, to take fewer risks. Racial and cultural background and sexual orientation can make a difference, too. If you’ve been on the receiving end of discrimination, you may have internalized some negative, untrue messages about your potential and whether you “belong.”

When we grow our, self-esteem, we expand our capacity for happiness.

Here are 3 benefits of high self esteem

The higher your, self-esteem, the more equipped you are to handle life’s adversities.
The higher your, self-esteem, the more ambitious you are not necessary in a career; but in forming healthy relationships and not repeating destructive patterns.
The higher your, self-esteem, the more likely you are to form nourishing bonds with others.
Higher, self esteem, enables you to love yourself.

How do you know if you love yourself?

Ask yourself these questions?
• Do I take care of myself?
• Do I make being healthy a priority?
• Am I stretching and challenging myself to be better than I am today?
• Am I living life with passion or am I just passing through?

If you answered No to any of these questions then you need to make some changes in your life before you get to 80 years old and realize that you never lived.

How to erase self-doubt

By Thinking it, speaking it and doing it!

The weeds that take over the garden of your mind can only flourish if you are a bad gardener!

You have to protect your dreams by plucking up the weeds before they grow. They will come. Self-doubt, always comes; but you have to pluck them out by speaking of your goals and doing something to get you moving towards the place on the map you want to go.

That is why you have to know where you are so you won’t move in the opposite direction.

First Think it. There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare.

Rhonda Bryne of the secret says “What you think about you bring about”

Your thoughts affect your attitude your, self-confidence, your mood, and there is a direct relationship to your thoughts and your experiences in life.

Remember when you were a kid and your parents would tell not to hang around Johnny or Jane? They did not know why; but they knew that if you kept company with Johnny or Jane, no good would come of you.
In the same way if you keep replaying negative emotions in your head such as fear, discontent, anger, jealousy, insecurities, blame etc. then no good will come of you because you will keep attracting more negative energy to your experience.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast — Podbean

Erase negative thoughts to erase self doubt

But let’s say you are wanting that promotion and you see yourself in this new role and you are confident that you will get this promotion then you will. You might not get it at your first try but if you keep trying and never give up it will be yours eventually; conversely, if you want this promotion; but you place road blocks in your path such as any and all negative thoughts, then chances are you will never attract this reality into your experience.

When we think, our thoughts become like magnets and attract, and then attach to like thoughts. That is why what you think about you bring about.

Nothing shows up in our life unless we attract it.

We have all seen the power of the Law of attraction in motion when if we have something bad happen to us at the beginning of the day, bad things keep on happening for the rest of the day.

So, it is very important to watch what you think.

Now let’s take a look at Speak it.

The spoken word is a powerful tool and by leveraging your voice you expand your dreams from internal thoughts to external possibilities, laying the ground work for divine purpose to manifest. Deepak Chopra

When you take your thoughts, which are formless and speak them into the atmosphere you give them form. This empowers them.

Think it, speak it, do it

“Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all will be well with you. God shall hear your words and make them true.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox

So, remember to speak it. Tell a friend or your coach of your intentions.

And lastly “just do it.” Nike made this phrase popular but it applies to more than athletics. Just do it. There will never be a better time than the present.

“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once will never do anything.”
― Samuel Johnson

So “just do it.” Think about something you have been thinking of doing for some time. Tell someone about it and then take the first step. It does not have to be a giant step. It could be as simple as doing research or taking that nice red Mercedes out for a test drive; but it will be a step in the right direction.
I hope my presentation was thought provoking. These are the principles I live by and I attract all that I want into my experience; so give it a try.
If you lacked self-confidence or self-esteem I hope this episode gave you a starting point to change your thinking because when you transform your mind you will transform your life.

Additional Resources

What Is The Foundation Of Happiness