Category Archives: life coaching blog

15 Benefits of Executive Coaching

The goal of, executive coaching, is the goal of good management: making the most of an organization’s human resources.” –  Harvard Business Review Organizations that embrace the culture that their employees and leaders are their most valuable resources, invest in the development of these resources.

There are four commonly used tools for improving human performance: 

  • Coaching,
  • Consulting,
  • Training, and
  • Therapy; and there are important differences between them.

Just as it is important to know when to hire a consultant; it is equally important to know the when and why for using a, Life coach.

Why hire a Life coach?

  1. You would like to improve Personal transformation
  2. To develop the future leaders in your organization
  3. Lead change to create high performing, results driven organizations
  4. Help managers learn how to be coaches to their employees
  5. Create an organizational culture that value learning, and  continuous improvement.
When to Hire a Executive Coach for Executive Coaching
  1. You want to fine-tuning your vision for your business;
  2. You want to empower and motivate your staff;
  3. You want to improve the communication and listening skills of your managers and help them become more confident
  4. You want your leaders and managers to gain competence in the soft skills domain.

coaching 1

Benefits of Executive Coaching

Executives identified fifteen significant benefits of, executive coaching, as a leadership development tool. They are:

  1. Continuous one-on-one attention that facilitates growth
  2. Expanded thinking through dialogue and powerful questioning from a coach.
  3. Self-awareness – including bringing light to blind spots.
  4. Personal accountability for development – A coach can hold you accountable for work you promised to do between sessions.
  5. Just-in-time learning.
  6. Sustained interpersonal skills development.
  7. Consistent, long-term development that gets embedded and becomes part of your routine.
  8. Identify executive strengths and development needs
  9. Leverage existing strengths and improve performance
  10. Create an Executive Strategy with an Action Plan and  accountability to help executives stay on track
  11. Adopt and/or reinforce executive leadership competencies crucial to the organization’s culture.
  12. Positive and sustainable behavior changes
  13. Develop leadership skills and practices; learn coaching skills they can implement.
  14. Enhanced career planning and development with an action-oriented plan
  15. Create greater work/life balance.

coaching 2

The Executive Coaching Process

Executives claimed expanded thinking through dialogue and powerful questioning from a coach. Dialogue, fueled through powerful questions, is at the heart of the, executive coaching, process. In coaching conversations, executives, think out loud, become more reflective and gain access to their own tacit knowledge and unexplored ideas. The coach’s role is to act as a sounding board, confidant, partner, challenger and catalyst for change.

Self-awareness, including the blind spots – Case Study

Jack has excellent technical skills and has fast-tracked to a senior executive position. He was certain he was a good leader — that is, until his coach asked him questions about his team’s excitement and engagement levels. It became clear to the coach that Jack’s team was frustrated.

Jack was furious and “insulted” and he vowed never to work with his coach again. Subsequently, Jack pondered his strong reaction. He realized his coach had hit a nerve. “That’s why I reacted like that, because it was true,” he says.

Jack is still working with his coach and continues to learn and develop. He appreciates his coach’s role in helping him gain self-awareness, which means understanding his strengths as well as his blind spots. “I don’t have these kinds of discussions with anybody else,” he says. “I am on such a straight path that I can’t see what’s going on.

That’s where, executive coaching, really helps me.” Jack now expects his coach to hit a nerve from time to time. He sums it up this way: “The value to me is not for a coach to be really nice to me. I don’t need another friend. The value to me is having somebody to help me see what I can’t see.”

Executive Coaching,  acts as a mirror for Jack, providing him with honest feedback and revealing gaps so he can see himself more clearly, as well as help him to identify goals and promoting sustained action.

Personal Accountability for development

Some, executives,  use sports metaphors to describe, executive coaching.  Anne, a high Achiever, thinks of, executive coaching, as a springboard for reaching her personal best at work. “Olympic medalists have coaches,” she says.

“I want to be an Olympic medalist in, business.” Anne regards her coach as her “personal trainer.” The common denominator in, executive coaching, and personal training is accountability. You can learn proper techniques in a few training sessions at the gym, but it is easy to lose your way, by cutting corners, using improper techniques or missing workouts.

Ongoing personal training creates momentum and accountability for development. The same is true for, executive coaching. As Anne says, “Coaching provides an objective outside person to help you do assessments, set developmental plans and hold you accountable.”

Anne has invested heavily in her career, through education and hard work. She views coaching as another form of investment. She and her coach established developmental targets on day one. Now they have weekly meetings, either in person or on the telephone, to discuss her progress toward her targets and identify obstacles that are impeding her progress.

Through, executive coaching, Anne holds herself accountable for her continued success. Her bottom line: “Coaching gets me from where I am today to where I want to be” 

The professional coaching model starts with a personalized plan.

coaching 3

Life coaching is Just-in-time learning

Executive coaching, facilitates what is called “just-in-time learning,” which is all about learning on the spot. Clients can practice and role play.  Jack told his coach that he wanted to “take a stand” in his next meeting, and that he wanted to come across as confident, self-assured and assertive.

Coaching provided Jack with a dress rehearsal. He used the session to develop a strategy for the meeting. He knew that thinking on his feet in front of a group of people was not one of his strengths, so he and his coach brainstormed potential questions. Jack prepared his answers and did some role playing. The next day Jack was outstanding. He called it “a powerful experience.” The coaching session had facilitated just-in-time learning.

coaching 4

How Executive Coaching Helps the Organization:

  • Reduce turnover and retain top performing staff
  • Enhanced individual and organizational performance
  • Improved organizational strength
  • Perception of management as being committed to employees and their growth and success
  • Improved employee morale, more committed employees, thus greater productivity
  • Retention of high potential talent and talent magnet
  • Better client relationships
  • Positive work environment, thus greater productivity
  • Executives, learn coaching techniques which they can implement with their teams for improved relationships and productivity, as well as enhanced employee development.
  • Enhanced organizational performance
  • Positively affect organizational culture
  • Succession planning and development of key, executives
  • Reputation of investing in executives through development
  • Enhanced reputation within industry
  • Ability to recruit key talent
  • Positioned for continued growth and success
  • “Executive Coaching, is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance.”
  • “It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them. Clients say coaching brings out their best by helping them focus, break down tasks and clarify their values.” – Fortune Magazine
  • Improve the existing culture of the organization

 

Strategies For Setting Smart Goals Like a Champion

Tom Brady, says, the key to success lies in setting, smart goals, and taking massive action towards the attainment of these goals. Tom says a hundred years of psychological research has taught us that, setting strong, smart goals, matter, if you want to improve your chances of succeeding.

As Millennials graduate from high school, graduate from college, or get engaged to be married, career goals, should be prominent their minds.

In each stage of life, we should have, short term goals, and, long-term goals. Short term goal, are goals you would like to achieve within the year and, long term goals, are goals you would like to achieve in let’s say 10 years.

So if we were to pick up goals at a Millennial graduation from College, we should teach her, how to set smart goals, both  short term goals and, long term goals. Career goals, would probably be  get a job and start supporting herself or enroll in higher education.

Deezer Transform your mind podcast
Deezer Transform your mind podcast

How to Set Smart Goals like a Champion: Tom Brady

Tom Brady says, The key to success lies in, setting goals,  and taking massive action towards the attainment of these, goals.
A hundred years of psychological research has taught us, how to set goals.  If you want to improve your chances of succeeding.

A, goal,  is a map to your destination. It is like a seed!
Plant, smart goals, in your mind and it will be the most important decision you make in your life.
Then Care of your planted seed every day.

Tom Brady’s story.

By the mid-2000s Tom Brady was the undisputed king of the gridiron. In 2002 he became the youngest quarterback in the history of the National Football League (NFL) to lead his team to a Super Bowl victory. Two years later, in 2004, he proved the magic was still strong when he led the New England Patriots to their second Super Bowl title in three years.

In addition, Brady was named the Super Bowl’s Most Valuable Player (MVP) in 2002 and 2004. The dimpled, clean-cut quarterback had reached career heights that most veteran football players envied, and he had done it all before he was thirty years old; But HE ONCE HAD SIMPLE DREAMS

In the pride-swallowing days at the University of Michigan, when he was constantly trying to prove that he deserved to start, Brady used to sit up at night with his good friend Aaron Shea and talk about, goals, what they’d do when they made it big.

Shea, a tight end for the Wolverines, used to rattle off the typical 20-year-old dream purchases. He wanted a Hummer and a Ferrari. Then Shea would ask what Brady wanted.
“‘If I hit it real big,’” Shea recalls Brady telling him, “‘I want to be able to wake up, put a pair of socks on, and at the end of the day, I throw ’em away.’
“I’m like, ‘That’s all you want?’ And he goes, ‘Yeah, that’s what I want. I love new socks!’”
But somewhere along the line, he got big dreams. Dreams of being the best!

How to Set Championship Goals like Tom Brady

Brady was so intent on winning and becoming the very best in history to play his position, that after the Patriot’s lost to the Broncos in the AFC championship game in 2016, he had a countdown clock installed in his home gym. I am sure because he wanted to be the undisputed champion and Peyton Manning had won, this round! Competition bring out the best in us.

Throughout the year the countdown clock served as his constant reminder of his, goal. A countdown clock says to his subconscious mind. I will achieve this, goal, it is mine, it’s just a matter of time so I am counting down! That is, how to set a goal!

The world was the witness at Super Bowl 51 of Tom Brady manifesting of this goal. Down by 25 points at the half, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots came back to win the game in overtime making Brady the best ever at the game!

With his mother in attendance at the NRG Stadium in Houston and millions of fans watching, Brady did not disappoint. In a thrilling game, the first that went into overtime in NFL history, Brady led the Patriots to a 34-28 victory over the Atlanta Falcons. With this historic win, Brady became the first quarterback in NFL history to take home five Super Bowl rings.

He surpassed quarterbacks Joe Montana, one of his idols, and Terry Bradshaw, who both have four Super Bowl wins. He also was awarded his fourth Super Bowl MVP for leading a 25-point comeback and throwing a Super Bowl-record 466 passing yards. Super Bowl LI was Brady’s seventh championship, which is also an NFL record for the most Super Bowls played.

Brady failed in his bid to become the best and most decorated quarterback in history when he lost to the Eagles in Super bowl 52; but how many of you know that failure is not final. Brady will be back again and this time he will succeed because when you have a goal and you don’t give up on it, you always win that is why Coach Lombardi advise is “Never, Never give up, Never ever Quit because Quitters never win”

I am sure there will be another count down clock installed in Brady’s locker room for super bowl 53! I am routing for you Tom!

Goals they have a powerful supernatural energy attached to them!
They activate the subconscious to go to work for you.

In the book “As a man thinketh” by James Allen, Allen attaches the energy of thought to goals.

James Allen: Setting Goals As A Man Thinketh 

Those who have no central purpose or, goals, in their life fall an easy prey to petty worries, fears, troubles, and self-pityings, all of which are indications of weakness, which lead, just as surely as deliberately planned sins, to failure, unhappiness, and loss, for weakness cannot persist in a power evolving universe.
A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose or, goal, in his heart, and set out to accomplish it.

He should make this, goal, the centralizing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being; but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought-forces upon the object, which he has set before him. He should make this purpose his supreme duty, and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and imaginings.

This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his goal, the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting-point for future power and triumph.
What this means is if your only goal as you are starting out in life is to get a job with no thought to what God has placed you on this earth to do, then you will become like a garden full of weeds and wild flowers.

Since no one is tending the garden of your mind then anything will grow. This leads to failure, unhappiness and loss.
On the other hand if you set goals either for spiritual attainment, personal accomplishment, or for contribution even when you fail and you will, you will be like Tom Brady and know that given time, success will be yours.

Having conceived of his purpose, a man should mentally mark out a straight pathway to its achievement, looking neither to the right nor the left. Doubts and fears should be rigorously excluded; they are disintegrating elements, which break up the straight line of effort, rendering it crooked, ineffectual, useless. Thoughts of doubt and fear never accomplished anything, and never can. They always lead to failure. Purpose, energy, power to do, and all strong thoughts cease when doubt and fear creep in.

Amy Purdy:  Setting Goals After NDE

My daughter sent me a text message last week and said mom you have to listen to this. This is important. So, I dropped everything and listened! I was blown away. Oprah was interviewing Amy Purdy.

This is her story:
After losing both her legs at age 19 as a result of bacterial meningitis, Amy Purdy survived to lead a life of extraordinary accomplishments. Amy not only survived losing her legs but at one time all her organs were failing, and she actually died. She tells that when she died, two spirits on the other side offered her a choice of staying dead or coming back to life and she shouted No, I don’t want to die!!

She chose life the same way she chose not to be a disabled person who lives an uninspiring life. She chose to set the goal of snowboarding again. She tells the story of how she visualized in detail her achieving this goal. Amy is a Paralympic bronze medalist in snowboarding, and a finalist on “Dancing with the Stars”. Pick up a copy of her book “On My Own Two Feet: From Losing My Legs to Learning the Dance of Life.” To read about her incredible story

So today, I would like to teach you, How to set smart goals. Smart Goals, that make you want to get up in the morning. Goals, that motivate and inspire you to action.

Do you have a goal to write a book? Is there a testimony that God has purposed you to share?

Goal Setting and Achievement Step # 1
Start with a road-map

He who doesn’t have a map gets lost.
If you don’t know where you are going, then it doesn’t matter where you end up.
Begin with the end in mind e.g.
• I want to have $500,000 in my bank account at the age of 65, so as not to be a burden to my kids.
• I want to leave a legacy and an inheritance for my children and my children’s children.
• I want to have 3 children, a husband, a good job and own my own home by the time I am 35 years old.
• Tom Brady goal is becoming the best at the sport
• Amy’s goal was to continue doing the things she did with legs and then inspire others along the way.

Knowing where you are going allows you to map the route to your destination.

The body is the servant of the mind. It obeys the operations of the mind, whether they be deliberately chosen or automatically expressed. At the bidding of unlawful thoughts, the body sinks rapidly into disease and decay; at the command of glad and beautiful thoughts it becomes clothed with youthfulness and beauty.

How To Set Smart Goals Step 2: Know Your Why?

What was Tom Brady’s Why?
What was Amy’s why?

He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure. His every thought is allied with power, and all difficulties are bravely met and wisely overcome. His purposes are seasonably planted, and they bloom and bring forth fruit, which does not fall prematurely to the ground.

Why do you want to have $500,000 in your bank account at 65?
• Do you want to travel the world?
• Do you want to be sure you have enough income to last for 30 years after retirement? So as not to depend on your kids or the government to take care of you?

Knowing your why will get you through the tough times.

Characteristics of a Strong Goal: A goal must have 3 characteristics:
It must be specific – $500,000
It must have a date for completion – 65 years old
It must be realistic and achievable – A goal can be just a dream with a date on it

How to Set Smart Goals Step 3: Plan your route

So, you want to have $500,000 in the bank at 65 years old.
If you are 30 years old now and have $10,000 in the bank, what would your route to get you $490,000 in the bank in 35 years?
What kind of investment strategies can get you there?
If you plan to work and get a paycheck then that goal will not realistic or achievable.
There are investment strategies that can get you there.
Buying and selling real estate can get you there.
Speak with a financial planner to put together an investment strategy that will get you to your goal.

Do you want to write a book? If so check out my story in my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement

Books: Hope and Encouragement

How to Set Smart Goals Step 4: Measure your progress

If you have a 35-year plan to make $490,000.
You should measure your progress on a yearly basis.
At the end of year one, you should be $14,000 richer by year two $28,000 richer than year one and so on and so on.
If by your 40th year, you have made no progress, then you should take a hard look at your financial situation and make some changes.
You have to make changes to the route.
Are you still working and trying to save? We know that is not going to work.
You may have to use Leverage.
Borrow to invest. Get your credit score in shape and borrow to invest in Real Estate. I was listening to the audio book “Self Made” last week and the author said don’t buy shoes, buy buildings! Great advice.

What you shouldn’t do is worry that you would be broke and penniless at 65 years old and have to be placed in a nursing home. I know where your mind goes when you think of yourself as a failure.

Disease and health, like circumstances, are rooted in thought. Sickly thoughts will express themselves through a sickly body. Thoughts of fear have been known to kill a man as speedily as a bullet, and they are continually killing thousands of people just as surely though less rapidly. The people who live in fear of disease are the people who get it. Anxiety quickly demoralizes the whole body, and lays it open to the entrance of disease; while impure thoughts, even if not physically indulged, will soon shatter the nervous system.

How to Set Smart Goals Step 5: Be prepared for the twists and turns in the road

What skills do you need to acquire to achieve this goal?
What contacts do you need?
What additional knowledge do you need?
What resources do you need to accomplish this goal?

Remember that just because you set a, goal, and a destination don’t expect the weather will cooperate and the sky will be sunny for the entire trip.
No. Expect that there will be circumstances beyond your control that will delay you so build in a buffer. Add a few years to your deadline.

In the 30 years to your goal, you will experience set backs. A job loss, a divorce, health issues etc. Don’t let the twists and turns in the road, derail you from your goals.

I heard a story of a mother of two who was laid off and without income. She decided to start selling the things in her home on eBay to pay the bills. She then started a meet up group for other eBay sellers to learn the business. She got information for sourcing discount items from wholesalers to sell on eBay. Obviously, her household items could only get her so far!
At one of these meetup meetings she met an executive from eBay who encouraged her to become a certified ambassador for eBay. That 10Xd her business. Today she has income of over one million dollars annually from eBay sales.

The lesson, setbacks can push you in the direction of your purpose; so change the way you look at failure.

Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction. It is an indication that the individual is out of harmony with himself, with the Law of his being. The sole and supreme use of suffering is to purify, to burn out all that is useless and impure. Suffering ceases for him who is pure. There could be no object in burning gold after the dross had been removed, and a perfectly pure and enlightened being could not suffer.

How to Set Smart Goals Step 6: Seeing your path

Use your imagination to visualize the things you want to accomplish
Visualize in color with all the details!

At 65 years old, what will you look like?
What color would be your hair, what are you wearing?
Where will you be living?
Who will be the partner by your side?
What will the house sound like when the grand children come to visit and run and play all over the house?
What countries will you travel to? How long will you stay?

See with your mind’s eye the entire life you want.
See it, touch it, taste it for 15 mins every day.
If you are a visual person you can use a picture to represent your dream and look at it every day.

Only by much searching and mining, are gold and diamonds obtained, and man can find every truth connected with his being, if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul; and that he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny.

So, live your life on purpose. Set goals,  for achievement, for contribution for fun and play and then go do it!

 

Using Your Words and Internal Dialogue to Lose Weight

How to Use Your Words To Change Eating Habits

The, words, that I used all the time was “I shouldn’t have eaten that”.  Then I always pray to God for help to stop me from, binge eating.  I didn’t want to, eat, all of that food, so I became like almost obsessive about, dieting, and my, relationship with food and how to, lose weight.

My guest today is Isabel Chiara.

This post is about transforming self-destructive eating behaviors with self-compassionate dialogue allowing you to, lose weight.

Listen to the full interview here:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/episodes/9356698

 

Introduction Eat Your Words

Isabel’s new book EAT YOUR WORDS is not the typical, self-help diet book, Instead, Isabel’s approach is a more narrative, semi-autobiographical exploration of the sensual-and-painful relationship to food so many of us can’t escape. The book expertly coaches from life lessons and experiences of the uber-relatable curvaceous girl entry into womanhood.  Her hearty Italian appetite make for a complex-carb tale about the depth of our relationship with self-nourishment.

Myrna: Isabel, can you share with our listeners your own journey through, body shaming,  and self-discovery?

Isabel: Of course. In my own journey, food, eating and, dieting, has always been a big point of contention my whole life. It was through this non-acceptable way that I eat and always focus on the food. I always guilty after eating,  like I shouldn’t have eaten it. My internal dialogue was always on how to, lose weight.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon
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Your Words are important if you want to Lose weight

The, words, that I used all the time was “I shouldn’t have eaten that”.  Then I always pray to God for help to stop me from, binge eating.  I didn’t want to, eat, all of that food, so I became like almost obsessive about, dieting, and my, relationship with food and how to, lose weight.

I started using, words, like there’s a certain way to, eat, there’s a certain way to be with food, and, diet. Each day I try to do it, there was always a new, diet. That is what has been the journey of my life. It’s been a journey of the kind of needs to come to terms with on some level and I think the, body shaming, was me telling myself my body is this way because I ate all that food and that was no way to, lose weight.

Many times in my book, my main character, I say she’s walking around with no head. This is to highlight that sometimes we are disconnected our head from our body.  It’s a very common feeling or a life existence that is happening on some level. It’s kind of introspection book on the whole journey of the, body shaming, and coming to terms with the body, mind and spirit on some level.

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Lose weight: Stop the negative self talk

Myrna: How did you transition from walking around kind of discombobulated – which is a word where you’re not connected and then you got to the point where you’re going to, eat your words, because you’re not going to be telling yourself these negative things about food. What was your transition? Did you go to a Therapist to start to, lose weight?

Isabel: There have been a million people involved in this process, because you’re always a person with focus and you’re always trying to come up with a resolution to stop, self destructive eating and how to, lose weight.   It’s almost like I became a researcher. It was really a journey of finding what was really in my own soul, what was I really like?

  • What’s up with me?
  • What’s bothering me?
  • What’s the pain about?
  • What am I trying to stuff down with food?
  • Why can’t I, lose weight?
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The Mind Body Connection to Lose Weight

If your body and mind are disconnected, you can’t even figure out what your, words, are saying to you.  I saying to myself on a daily basis, a lot of negative, words, about myself and my body. I saying these, words, to myself before I, eat, and after I, eat.

What happens is when you take yourself to task on some level, when you start to really become conscious,  you notice your, words. First thing I became conscious was I knew I needed to be in my body.  Because when you are out of your body you eat unconsciously.  For different people, it’s different things. I started to work out because I needed to feel my body and I was out of it. You can’t, lose weight, if you are not in your body.

The other thing was, as long as you’re feeling your body, then you get to hear your, words, and what you’re saying to yourself. So, the, words, started to become more conscious. What I have realized lately is that to be out of your body, you have to be really busy with things. If you’re busy, then you also have those, words, that are saying – oh! I’m so busy, I didn’t, eat, all day long and I’m starving. Now, I have a permission to just, eat, whatever I want, wherever I want and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter which  is what we say to ourselves. So you sabotage your efforts to, lose weight.

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Self destructive Eating

Myrna: Where did your, self destructive eating, habits come from? I know you mentioned that you’re Italian and, Italian food, has a lot of carbs and pastas and things like that. Is that where your, eating habits, came from?

Isabel:  Yes, except for Italians are for the most part are thin! I mean I’m in the restaurant business. I started my whole life in a family restaurant business, so my focus in life became food. At an early age, when we made food, we made huge meals. I never knew what a, portion size, was like. I never used the, words,  portion size, until I was in my 30s and 40s!

I would go to my friend’s homes and they would have like a bit of rice, or a bit of meat. I was like confused when I was younger, because that was never what happened at our house. I understand now the, portion size, mentality that really showed up in my whole scope of thought. My whole thought pattern shifted and I became conscious that large portion sizes defeats my ability to, lose weight.

I was no longer eating like I was at an you can eat buffet.   My, eating habits, as a child made me end up with this  buffet mentality.

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Podbean

Coping with Words and Body Shaming

Myrna:  At some point in time, you developed, body shame. You took me through your self-discovery, how did you use your, words, to stop, body shaming and accepting that you are a curvaceous girl?

Isabel:  Body shaming,  comes when you start a comparison with other people who are a certain size. You see people in a certain way and then you start looking at yourself as different. Each time you talk to people, you’re like wait, why don’t I look like you? But it doesn’t matter because we already internalized that there’s something wrong with us and that we need to, lose weight.

Whatever we look like, we want to be someone else. People start to say oh, for a little girly you’re eating a lot. Then you start to make a correlation with; I’m eating a lot, there’s weight here and there’s something wrong with what’s happening in me. I’m not okay and that’s how one starts to develop, body shame.

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Download on Spotify

Self destructive binge eating

Myrna: Why do you think we purposely distract ourselves when making food choices to the detriment of our health and, binge eating?

Isabel: I’m not a psychologist, I just know. I’ve been looking at this behavior for a long time. What I think is that we distract ourselves because we don’t want to feel the things that is going on in our life. I think a lot of times, when we do choose, binge eating, we are actually eating food as a distraction.

Maybe the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing kind of thing. A lot of times, we start to, eat, because we start to feel something’s coming up. It doesn’t matter what it is, it could be happy, it could be sad, it could be like anger and/or even bored. I, eat, when I’m bored.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Notice what going on in your body before you eat that food

When there’s nothing going on, there’s still something going on in your body. If there’s something going on your body, but you’re not present to it or you don’t want to know what it is or what for every reason, you’re not used to it.   I think a lot of times people don’t recognize their feelings or they judge their feelings.

I’m a night time eater. I could do all day long with no food (because every emotion from the day maybe was just piled up), but at night, I’m like a wreck for that. Not for nighttime or for that one time and it’s all starting to come up and then we’re like let’s just go for it and we start, binge eating.

Myrna: Yes, that has been my biggest struggle for a long period of time. I couldn’t stop eating at night. It’s a little under control now, but that was my biggest struggle for a while.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Diet and Nutrition

Isabel: I decided to lose the word, diet. I decided to do something different for myself which eventually added more nourishment and nutrition to my day.  I first started with being in my body, and then I used my, words, to say let me give myself food instead of saying, I’m going to take away food and I’m not going to eat this.

I started giving myself different foods, I allowed myself to have more nutritious foods and I started creating a new mindset. This new mindset was alright. I was totally resistant to this, but I started finding a place that had green drinks. I could have green drinks which took the edge off of hunger and it made me feel in my body.  So,  instead of going into the business of my whole day, I’m going to add a green drink. Just one thing, I added nutrition instead of taking something away,  I was going to give myself things.

If someone once likes eating at night, instead of having the bad things we want to, eat, at night you and what would you give what did you give yourself to replace that because a green drink. Just starting to give yourself other more nutritional things maybe you want to give yourself more vegetables than that and rice.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Using Your Words to Change your Mindset

Myrna: How can those of us struggling with, weight gain, and a pure relationship to food face the issue head-on?

Isabel: The first thing I say is to, change your mindset.  Start creating an intention for yourself and start creating a, mindset, that you’re in the middle of the process. I always like to say we’re always in the middle of the process and that we are shifting. We’re always shifting and we’re always changing, even though it looks really bad – it always looks really bad before it gets really good. We’re going to start to use the right, words.

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Eat Your Words”, why you wrote it and what do you want someone that’s reading it to walk away with?

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Book: Eat your Words

Book Eat Your Words
Book Eat Your Words

Isabel: The book was a way to be conscious for myself like it really was. I wrote it for myself like a journal. I was really writing a book, but it was the stories of my life. So the goal was for me to get to some kind of resolution in my life. The stories are for people to really understand that they’re not struggling in this arena by themselves. This is really to bring the behaviors to consciousness and to show anybody that he/she is not the only one going through this. I mean most of the world is going through this on some level.

Now you become conscious of what the, words, are and how they affected our behaviors and through that, there is healing that can be done when you see something that somebody else is doing and you hear what their process is. I bring up a lot of processes.

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Myrna: Where does the, “Eat Your Words,” come from? I’m assuming it’s internal dialogue.

Isabel: “Eat Your Words,” is internal dialogue and it starts at the origins of the family.

Myrna: It’s all about inner dialogue? But the inner dialogue as you can imagine is kind of runs your life and it could be conscious or unconscious.

Isabel: It wasn’t so sometimes.

Myrna: It’s unconscious right?

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Isabel: It was the, words, that I would say, as my mantra was, oh I don’t care. The biggest, words, were “oh I don’t care”. However, once you start saying I don’t care, it doesn’t just apply to what you are eating.   It really becomes what you start to say to yourself, the, words, you use.

  • I don’t care,
  • Oh I don’t care about myself
  • So I don’t care what I put in my body.
  • Anyway I don’t care what becomes of my life.
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Conclusion

Myrna: How can readers connect with you and get a copy of your book?

Isabel: If anyone wants to get the first chapter of my book, just to see if they like it or if it works for them, they can go to https://isabel-chiara.com, on that page, they could download the first chapter for free or they could just buy the book on Amazon.

We also have a membership site called Healing and Activation Process Integrations. Happy place is what I call it. It’s going to be a lot of processes that are going to help people to get inside of themselves. It can move things and look at things differently and channel them differently.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

We Don’t Need To Die To Experience Heaven Or Hell On Earth

The, parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus, teaches us valuable lessons about, heaven or hell on earth. By cultivating a compassionate heart, valuing spiritual riches over material wealth, and acknowledging the consequences of our actions, we can avoid the pitfalls of, heaven or hell on earth. The parable also emphasizes the importance of repentance and making amends for past actions. By living a life marked by compassion, humility, and love, we can strive for a life that brings us closer to, heaven on earth, and ensures, spiritual growth, and redemption.

Download the podcast here:

https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13848482-heaven-and-hell-life-lessons-from-the-parable-of-the-rich-man-and-lazarus.mp3?download=true

Introduction to Lazarus:

In the book of Luke, the parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus offers a profound insight into the concepts of, Heaven and Hell, highlighting the unbridgeable chasm that separates them. However, this parable also teaches us that we don’t have to wait until we die to experience, heaven and hell. We can feel the glory of, heaven on earth, while still on earth or burn in the fire of, hell on earth, while we still have breath in our bodies.

In this blog post, coach Myrna explores five mindsets we can cultivate to ensure that we don’t end up like the rich man, burning in hell either on earth or in the spiritual dimension. Heaven is a place on earth!

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1.  Mindset # 1: The Importance of Compassion:

“The first thing we need to develop is a, compassionate heart. Very few people have this naturally, they walk by beggars in the street and their wallets are full with money. Just as the rich man ignored Lazarus, this parable teaches us the importance of showing, compassion and empathy, toward those in need. Small, acts of kindness, can make a significant difference in someone’s life.”

Compassion is a fundamental aspect of leading a fulfilling and meaningful life. It is easy to become consumed by our own desires and overlook the suffering of others. However the, parable  of the Rich Man and Lazarus reminds us that ignoring the needs of those around us can have lasting consequences. By cultivating a compassionate heart and actively seeking opportunities to help those in need, we can make a positive impact on the lives of others and avoid the pitfalls of a, self-centered existence.

2. Mindset # 2: Material Wealth vs. Spiritual Riches:

“The story illustrates that material wealth does not determine one’s standing in the afterlife. It also makes most rich people miserable in this life! Instead, it emphasizes the value of spiritual riches, such as kindness, love, and humility.”

In a world that often equates success with material wealth, the parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus challenges this notion. It reminds us that if we want to experience, heaven or hell on earth, we need to recognize that true richness lies in the intangible qualities that we possess, such as kindness, love, and humility. While material wealth may provide temporary comfort and pleasure, it does not guarantee happiness or fulfillment. By prioritizing spiritual riches over material possessions, we can lead more meaningful lives and cultivate a sense of inner peace that transcends the boundaries of this world and allows us to experience, Heaven on earth.

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3.  Mindset shift # 3: The Consequences of Ignoring the Needs of Others becomes your hell on earth:

“Ignoring the needs of those around us can have lasting consequences. The rich man’s indifference to Lazarus led to his own suffering, serving as a reminder that our actions can impact our future and a life of, hell on earth.  Life is cyclical; one day you are up, and the next day you are down. Don’t burn down your bridges; someday you may need to cross over them again. The parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus, serves as a cautionary tale about the consequences of turning a blind eye to the suffering of others.

The rich man’s indifference to Lazarus ultimately led to his own suffering in the afterlife. This story reminds us that our actions have ripple effects that can shape our future experiences. By recognizing the interconnectedness of all beings and actively seeking to alleviate the suffering of others, we can create a more harmonious and compassionate world.

Transform Your Mind Podlink
Transform Your Mind Podlink

4.  Mindset shift # 3: The Great Chasm of Life Choices separates Heaven or Hell on Earth:

“The unbridgeable chasm in the parable represents the consequences of our life choices. Whenever you make a life choice that hurts another person, you can never undo it. It creates a permanent divide and, hell on earth.

The parable of the, Rich Man and Lazarus, highlights the irreversible nature of our life choices. Every decision we make has the potential to impact not only our own lives but also the lives of those around us. The great chasm symbolizes the divide that is created when we choose actions that harm others. It serves as a stark reminder that once a choice is made, it cannot be undone. Therefore, it is crucial to approach our decisions with mindfulness and consideration for the well-being of others, ensuring that we do not create permanent divides that separate us from love, compassion, and spiritual growth and take us away from, heaven or hell on earth.

5. Mindset # 5: Understanding The Importance of Repentance Heaven on Earth:

“The rich man’s plea for his family serves as a lesson in the importance of repentance and making amends for our past actions. It highlights the opportunity for, personal growth and redemption.”

The parable of the, Rich Man and Lazarus, teaches us that it is never too late to seek redemption and make amends for our past actions. The rich man’s plea for his family demonstrates the, transformative power of repentance, and the potential for personal growth. It reminds us that we have the ability to change our ways, seek forgiveness, and strive for a life marked by compassion, humility, and love. By acknowledging our mistakes and actively working towards rectifying them, we can pave the way for a future filled with spiritual richness and a deeper connection to the divine and experience, heaven or hell on earth.

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Conclusion:

The, parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus, is a powerful reminder that our earthly actions have spiritual consequences. It encourages us to live a life marked by compassion, humility, and love, and to make choices that lead us toward spiritual richness rather than material wealth. By heeding these lessons, we can strive for a life that brings us closer to heaven and ensures we avoid the pitfalls of hell.

Let us cultivate a compassionate heart, prioritize spiritual riches over material possessions, recognize the consequences of our actions, bridge the divides we create, and embrace the power of repentance. In doing so, we can create a world that reflects the glory of heaven and offers solace to those who have experienced the fires of hell because, heaven is a place on earth!

Future Outlook Heaven or Hell on Earth:

As we continue to navigate the complexities of life, the parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus, will remain a timeless source of wisdom and guidance. Its teachings remind us of the importance of compassion, the limitations of material wealth, the consequences of our actions, the irreversible nature of our choices, and the transformative power of repentance. By incorporating these lessons into our daily lives, we can contribute to the creation of a more compassionate and harmonious world.

Let us strive to be like Lazarus, embracing the virtues of love, kindness, and humility, and avoid the fate of the rich man, who was consumed by his own desires and blinded to the suffering of others. Heaven and hell, are not distant realms reserved for the afterlife; they are states of being that we can experience here and now. It is up to us to choose which path we will follow because, heaven is a place on earth.

Additional Resources

Kevin Samuels: Black Women Over 35 Are Low Value

The late, Kevin Samuels, controversially said that, Black women, over 35 cannot get a man because any, high value man, could get a younger woman.

The gist of his message was that women over 35 who are single with children are like used cars. Top quality men don’t want them since they they are, low value, and the, high value man, have options and they exercise these options for younger women with no children and baby daddy drama.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10885010-are-women-over-35-low-value.mp3?download=true

The 35 and Single Black Women Dilemma

So here in lies the dilemma.  Even though women were calling, Kevin Samuels, a scum bag, he had a huge following of men because they knew he was talking truth. These so called, high value men, were willing to rip into a man of God Dr.  Jamal Bryant, senior pastor at New Birth in Atlanta, in defense of, Kevin  Samuels.

It is true that, black women, over 35 are looking for the, high value man, and  men over 35 are looking for younger women? How do we know this is true? The reason I know this is true is because everyone is looking and nobody is finding love, because love is not about hair, booty, breasts or skin color. Love is about chemistry, it is an energy.

So, ladies my, dating advice,  to you is you must age like fine wine, you have much more to offer a man and you need to let him see this. You have experience.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Dating Advice for Black Women

Remember that relationship you walked out of in your 20ths, now you realize that it was the best relationship you ever had. There is a lesson in every failure.

So now that you are 35+ and single; what have you learned about men? What I have learned is that the, high value man, would sleep with the 35+, black woman, with the good hair and the booty, but they look for more in the woman they marry.

So, while you are sitting on the shelf, make yourself ready for your husband. You have to become,  wife material.

6 ways to become wife material
  • Learn to speak on a variety of topics, men are no longer attracted to the dumb pretty woman anymore.
  • Learn the rules of basketball and football.  Most men like sports so, you must learn to like them as well, so he doesn’t have to go out with the boys to watch the game. He could watch it with his woman.
  • Learn to cook dinner for two. A man wants to marry a woman who can cook.
  • Get a gym membership, men like to hold muscles not fat.
  • Learn to control your tongue, sometimes silence is the best answer.
  • Learn to build up a man and not tear him down. Life and death are in the tongue, speak life into your man. Encourage him, listen to him, support him.
Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Kevin Samuels YouTube Videos

I listened to, Kevin Samuels, most famous video. This video had 3M views and over 3K comments when I watched it months ago! Kevin Samuels, was speaking to a woman who was 35 had a 13-year-old son and was making 6 figures. She said she wanted a, high value man, who made 6 figures because when she dates men below her pay grade, she gets idiots.

Kevin Samuels, asked her from a scale of 1 to 10 where would she fall and she said 6. He then told her that, high value men, who make 6 figures are in the top 10% of all men and have options.  They are not looking for an average, black woman,  35+ with a 13-year-old son, he called her a, low value woman.

He is correct, they are not looking for you, but if you age like fine wine and prepare yourself while you’re fermenting, they will take a sip of you and become intoxicated.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Black women prepare yourself to become a high value woman

The other thing I have learned is it may have been a long time since you have been held by a man and you can’t wait to jump into bed; don’t do it. A man must respect the woman he marries. Don’t sleep with him until he calls you his girlfriend and you are sure he is not married!

There is a dilemma for, black women, over 35 who are single with children, but finding love is not impossible. I got married at 46 with a 16-year-old daughter. The chemistry was right and I was prepared. So don’t let anyone tell you, you are a, low value woman, and that you are like a used car. Antiques cars are more valuable than new cars. You have wisdom, skills, and know how to treat and keep a man.

Conclusion

Hope this helps someone.

You have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach, for inspiration throughout the week.  Until next time Namaste

 

How To Conquer The 5 Most Common Causes of Failure

Failure, leaves clues so a coach can recognize your, failure symptoms. Most of us run on auto pilot. Science shows that 95% of humans operate on a subconscious level, and only 5% of us are aware and conscious of our daily actions. One of the reasons coaching is so successful is that it allows you to “know thyself” a little better by revealing your, blind spots, or areas of, unconscious patterns, including why we fail.

Most of us are unable to clearly state our abilities. We overestimate them, we underestimate them, we become complacent; we allow them to decay. Occasionally we are unaware that they exist. It is important you recognize your, failure symptoms

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11197352-how-to-conquer-the-5-most-common-causes-of-failure.mp3?download=true

Here are the 5 most common causes of failure

1: The most common cause of, failure, is to, blame, others.  Don’t blame me, Victims, have no power, when you, blame, others for your, failure in life, you are saying that you have no power.

It is said that the difference between witchcraft and medicine is that when a man falls sick, witchcraft makes him ask ” who did this to me” medicine makes him ask “what did this to me”.

When we, blame, others for our, failures, we do not recognize that no one has the power to make us fail, you must accept responsibility for your part and learn from it.

Do you Blame Yourself?

2: The second cause of, failure, is the tendency to, blame oneself. We tell ourselves things like “why was I such a fool, what an easy mark I am, why do I always put my foot in my mouth etc.” For example, your marriage fails and you, blame yourself, for choosing the man in the first place. You, blame yourself, for not recognizing the red flags.

How to stop self blame:  – Instead of, blaming yourself, you should tell yourself that you did your best with the information you had at the time and that it takes 2 to make a marriage work. Blaming yourself plants deep feelings of inferiority and insecurity which will later strike up like weeds to dominate the garden of your mind. Excessive, self-blame, opens the door to guilt. Self-blame, also closes the door to, self-development.

How to set goals

3: The 3rd cause of, failure, has to do with, setting goals. Having no goals or having low goals. Dr William Menninger says “a fellow must know where he wants to go, if he is going to get anywhere.”

No goals are bad enough, but, low goals, are worse. Like, setting goals, to get the highest number on video games. That is an example of a, low goal.

Happiness is the pursuit of a goal or purpose, if you have, no goals, then you are a, failure.

How to set goals: choosing the wrong goal

4: The 4th common, cause of failure, is choosing the, wrong goal. Imagine that you have the, goal, to become a social worker, you graduated with your Bachelor’s Degree and your Master’s Degree and then worked for 20 years as a social worker; but you get to your 50’s and realize that what you really wanted to be was a politician and work for the citizens of your country to make policies than benefit all. After reaching the fifth nor 6th decade it is too late to turn back. That is why it is a good idea to understand your passions and listen to your heart early in life to determine the direction you should go.

Taking a short cut

5: The 5th, failure symptom, I want to leave you with today  – is taking a, short cut.

An electric current will follow the line of least resistance; but a bulb glows because there is resistance.

Taking the short cut, many of us choose the shortest, easiest quickest way to success, only to discover that success was illusory; the bulb did not glow. No conquest can be achieved without hard work– no conquest can give true pleasure if it has not required hard work.

My grandmother would say there are, no short cuts in life, when you take the path of lease resistant you usually find yourself at the wrong destination and have to start all over.

https://youtu.be/UDZvuXqZDQ0

Conclusion

These are the 5 most common, causes of failure, if you become conscious of them then you can recognize them when they show up and make a better choice.

  • Never blame anyone for your life, you are in control.
  • Do not blame yourself, we were not given a manual at birth, we do as best as we can with the information we have.
  • Goal setting – Happiness is working towards a goal, set goals and work towards them.
  • Check in with yourself thorough out your life to see if you are getting any fulfillment from your career, so you won’t get to your 50’s and find out that you chose the wrong path.
  • Finally, don’t take the, short cut, they rarely get you there faster.

Thanks for turning in to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

5 Powerful Strategies to Achieve Any Goal

God Knows The Desires Of Your Heart

God knows the, desires of your heart, even the ones you don’t think will ever come through. This is illustrated in the bible story of the prophet Elisha and the wealthy Shunem woman.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11165461-god-knows-the-desires-of-your-heart.mp3?download=true

Be Kind and generous

A wealthy Shunem woman invited the prophet, Elisha, to her home one day for a meal. So, whenever he passed her way again, he would stop in to have something to eat.

One day the woman said to her husband, I am sure the man who stop in from time to time is a holy man, let’s build a small room for him on the roof and furnish it, so he will have a place to stay when he comes by.

When, Elisha, and his assistant came by the next time, he went up to his new room to rest. Appreciative of the woman’s kindness, he wanted to give her something in return. He said to her “We appreciate the kind concern you have shown us. What can we do for you?” She responded I don’t need anything, my family takes good care of me.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

We all need something even the things we don’t ask for

But, Elisha, figured there must be something she needs. So, he asked his servant what he thinks she needed. His servant said “She doesn’t have a son and her husband is an old man.”

Elisha, then told his servant to call the woman then he told her “Next year at this time you will be holding a son in your arms” She responded, please don’t get my hopes up.

Sure enough, the woman soon became pregnant and by that time the following year she had a son, just as, Elisha, had said.

What is the principle taught in this, bible story?  As you know the, Bible, is a blueprint for life.

First principle, is if you are blessed with wealth you should share with those who have less. You should, give to the poor, your church etc.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

God knows the desires of your heart

The second principle and the one I want to focus on today is that God knows what you want. He knows the, desires of your heart, even the ones you don’t think will ever come through. The, desires, of this woman’s heart was to have a child, but her husband was old and she was probably old as well, so she didn’t think it was possible. She put it out of her mind.

The bible says in Psalm 37:4  “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the, desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:

When the man of God asked the Shunem woman what can I do for you she responded nothing. She had all the, money, she needed, but how many of you know that, money, does not fill the hole in your heart.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

What are the desires of your heart?

  • Do you want to get married?
  • Do you want a child?
  • Do you want to own a home?
  • Do you want to see your child go to college but he/she have a learning disability?

Whatever it is, if you live right, give to the poor, God will give you the, desires of your heart. You don’t even have to ask him.

Several years ago, the, desires of my heart, was to become an American citizen. I did ask God, but decided to take matters into my own hands and made a mess of it. Then one day I walked onto a train and there standing at the door was my future husband. He loved me, married me and sponsored me and my kids to become American Citizens. So don’t think the, desires of your heart, are impossible – with God all things are possible.

So, ask, seek, knock and you will receive.

https://youtu.be/xBOA_tWqvAI

Conclusion

Whatever it is you are wanting, whatever you are asking Him for, God hears you. If he does not seem to be answering, do not give up. Everything will happen in his timing. God knows what is best for you and He hears the, desires of your heart. He will give you the, desires of your heart, when the time is right. Have patience and trust in the Lord.

The Shunammite woman’s heartfelt hospitality to, Elisha, and simple, sincere faith led to an amazing series of events. Elisha, was certainly blessed. And God abundantly blessed the woman’s life during a difficult period in Israel. Still today, God often uses His people’s humble acts of service to bless both the giver and the receiver.

Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources 

Look At The Heart Not Outward Appearance

What Men Want In A Woman

Andre Paradis, relationship coach, shares insights on, what men want, and how to revert back to nature and polarity to make our relationships work. If you want to know how to have healthy fulfilling long-term relationships, listen to the end. What men want, is a woman who is sweet and lovely and warm and, feminine, and attractive and magnetic. 

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11136662-what-men-want-in-a-woman.mp3?download=true

Bio

Andre Paradis, is a Relationship Coach, NLP Coach, Educator of Effective Communications, Published Writer, Public Speaker, and Ordained Minister. Andre Grew up in Canada, and while on vacation in Los Angeles he was scouted and became a professional dancer. He has danced with legends including Michael Jackson, Prince, Paula Abdul, Julio Eglesias to name a few.

He then attended a workshop called “Understanding Women” in 2006 and started studying with some of the biggest relationship masters (Dr. Pat Allen, Dr. Esther Perel, Dr. John Gray, Shantie Feldhan and Alison Armstrong). He started sharing his knowledge with friends and family. He saw that this knowledge actually helped people lead happier lives with the people they love. He found his purpose in life… The Big Calling deep inside him. He then sold his successful Auto Shop and launched Project Equinox Coaching to help men and women learn to build stronger long lasting and healthy Love relationships. For some clients, He even officiate their weddings.

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Men are from Mars Women are from Venus 

Myrna: I have a question about a book that I’ve read and I still have in my library.  You said that you studied under Dr. John Gray who wrote the book. Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. What did you learn from studying with Dr. Gray about women?

Andre: Well, the bulk of his work has changed since the beginning from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Dr Grey now explores men or women differences, like how we respond or act differently. What motivates a woman and what motivates a man and vice versa. The past 10 years though, the bulk of his work became the chemistry of our bodies that creates the behaviors that we do. So how does, estrogen, and, testosterone, affect our physiology.

A man’s brain is full of, testosterone, the structure of his brain is similar to a woman, but the main mechanism is different, because it functions on a different fuel.  This creates all kinds of behaviors, reactions, ways of operating and the, Hunter brain. The, Hunter brain, is about, conquering, competing, fighting, pushing, penetrating, you know, control everything that’s in, Hunter brain. That’s the paradigm of, testosterone, chemistry.

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Women’s brains are soaked in Estrogen 

So that’s what’s Dr Grey’s work in past 10 years was all about that. The innate differences explained through chemistry. And for the lady is same thing similar brain soaked in, estrogen, creating a whole different machine, a whole different engine, with behaviors, reactions, temperament, blah, blah, blah. In our culture right now, everybody’s about equality, so understanding the beginning of equality, the, feminist movement, equal rights equal pay equal opportunity, is important.

With equality a man should be more, feminine, more feminized, more vulnerable, more talkative, more sweet, more sensitive, to be a good man.  A woman should be strong, independent, powerful at all costs, in order for her to be valued and valuable in the world. Well, there’s a big huge price to pay for these shifts that are not natural. Everything I teach is Nature and Science and not my opinion. So, if you go back to nature, these things don’t work very well.

If you consider now that relationships are the hardest thing for people to attain and sustain, where it should be the easiest because we have equality now, right? Well, no, the reason for this is what I teach. What’s happening out there is women are more miserable. The women in our culture for the past 15 years, almost 20 years now actually, are more unhappy than ever in the entire history of mankind.

Myrna: That’s because they can’t find a man.

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Why women can’t find a man 

Andre: And why is that right back to the same thing I’m talking about earlier. I’m so busy because my clients call me because they’re realizing they’re being sold a lemon that’s exactly how they put it. They tell me I am a badass but that gets me absolutely nowhere with a man. Men don’t ask me out and if I manage to get a date, he smiles and goes nice to meet you and I never see him again. I can’t get past the first date. What is wrong with me? Like what is what’s wrong with me? The answer is you’re, masculinized, you’re too manly for a man.  

Myrna: I have so much circle backs in that don’t get too far. When you were talking about the men and the woman, how the man is the hunter personality with the, testosterone, and the woman is supposed to be, feminine, but now women are bad asses and are not, feminine. So, the  question I have, is that why there’s a rise in, lesbian and gay relationships?  Is that is the reason that those kind of relationships are blossoming, because at least you’ve got the same, estrogen, and, testosterone, levels.

Andre: Yeah, well, not the way you think. And I think if I’m reading your mind a little bit here right now, it’s not quite that because men have always understood men better than their women. And the same with women, they understand each other better than men.  But throughout history, that’s actually the, polarity, that brought men and women together. So, that is not the problem. What is happening, is culture if we are going to peel the onion back.

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Latch Key Kids can’t form relationships as adults 

We have, latch key kids, who were not nurtured as kids so they can’t form relationships as adults. When you have children, babies, infants, toddlers, young people, young kids unable to bond with their own parents, they become anxious as far as in the relationship, anxious or avoidant in relationships. They’ve never been bonded to somebody who loves them, so they feel abandoned.  The anxiety of puberty makes it even worse, and they will become young people who cannot create healthy bonds.

They just can’t do it. Now what happens we talk about, gay and lesbian relationships, in the news, that new wave. A young girl needs so much nurturing connection emotionally, the, feminine, for mother, the young women who went without being with her mother will do it later in life with another woman.  For men it’s a little bit different for men they turn into the part of them that’s missing.

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Why men don’t want badass women 

Myrna: Is it true that’s, badass women immediately get disqualified because she’s gonna throw the fact that she makes more money than him in a man’s  face?  

Andre: You know, I’m sorry, but it’s more energetic than that. If you’re gonna be a, badass woman, and be a pain in the ass about it, like you push it in my face. That you are better than me. That is not the energy that men are looking for from women.  That’s a man on man. I always say ladies when you can be, badass, but if you’re gonna throw your balls in my face, we’re gonna have a problem. And that’s what, badass women, do put their balls in everybody’s face. They’re so proud which is fine.

You can be proud of what you do, but when you lead with that, you’re more, masculine, than, feminine. You’re actually arrogant a lot of times, and for sure you’re irritating. Absolutely freaking irritating. If you think men like to be irritated by women, this is not why they want to date you. They want to date you because you’re sweet and lovely and warm and, feminine, and attractive and magnetic. Not irritating, not pushy, not controlling, not in my face. Not sitting there like go ahead, prove it your way.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Men don’t want women with bigger balls than them 

So my clients, when they find out that men aren’t finding them attractive and don’t ask them out, they feel completely invisible.  This is because your, balls, are bigger than his and that’s irritating and off putting. You can have, balls, all you want, you need to be, masculine, to create anything to make money, but I say leave them, balls, in your desk drawer. When you get home and in public, you’d have to be a woman to attract men, otherwise they don’t see you, you become invisible to men.

Myrna: So, the answer to that question is not all women that are making money and are, badass, just the ones that are throwing their, balls,  in a man’s face and leading with, masculinity.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

What men want in a women 

What do men want? You said that one, a man wants a woman that’s, feminine.  Let’s also touch on equality. Does a man want a woman that’s making as much money as him? By the way, when I asked my husband that question, he says, I can become a kept man but not If you’re gonna throw it in my face.  

Andre: In my world, you could have a penis and not be a man. I believe there are three types of men:

  1. The real man: They know who they are. They know, what men want. They hold themselves accountable for everything; they have character. They have competence, you can’t mess with them. You can’t fuck with them. You can’t derail them.  They’re solid, they’re strong. You can count on them all that stuff.
  2. The second type of man  is that guy who’s man enough to have a job, but it’s a little job, he’s not gonna have a good car, he drives a little shitty car and lives in the basement of his mother’s house or he’s got three roommates. No girlfriend and is silly. So, these guys are messy enough to do life. Small but okay. Except when it comes to women, they don’t want to ask you out. They acquiesce and want to do whatever movie you want to go see. They are not sure, what men want. 
  3. The third kind of man are boys, they are passive and, feminine. They don’t want to work. They want you to work. They’re so happy that they are not paying for anything. They don’t want to work, they’re allergic to work.  They’re offended when you say, just man up. They look like boys.  They’re often very pretty because they are, feminine and want to attract women with their bodies. Their looks are lean and sexy. They absolutely don’t know, what men want. 
Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What men want: A feminine woman

We now raise men to be not, masculine, but soft, sensitive, passive, and that’s toxic.  A real man scoops women up and say hey, I’m taking you out to dinner, seven o’clock and wear some good shoes, because we are going salsa dancing afterwards.  But we shame them out of this. We say that’s pushy.

What men want, is a, feminine woman. A, feminine woman, want a, masculine man. They don’t want boys. Men that are boys are so smooth, they’ll tell you everything you want to hear in three days after meeting them! Oh, I think I found the one of my life, you are the one. So, he says all the right things for the first five or six weeks you finally think oh my God he is my soul mate.

He listens to me. He’s curious about me I have someone to talk to.  Next, you know, he’s like moving to your house, borrowing your car because he can’t afford to fix his piece of shit. You’re walking his dog because he won’t do it. You’re lending him money that he promised to pay back, but he never does. You’re working two jobs while he’s sitting on the couch smoking a joint and spooning the dog.  

Myrna: You’re talking such truth! How do you get out of that relationship? Kick them to the curb?

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

What men want, not a masculine woman 

Andre: The terrible thing about this whole situation is when you, masculinize, women, this is the type of men they attract. They attract boys. I teach nature, it’s all about, polarity. Opposites attract. We know this about everything. Right? Two magnets, positive and negative, try to push two positive magnets together, right? It doesn’t work. The, masculine man, is strong, independent, powerful, conquering, controlling, pushy, fighting, all that stuff and he attracts the, feminine woman, who is more passive. Because she’s smaller and weaker, more passive and she needs a big strong guy.

 It’s the same all over nature. Like everything. There’s a, polarity, there’s two different pieces of a puzzle. that come together to complete a good dynamic. When a woman is more, masculine, and she’s stuck there because of her up bringing or her culture. Her mother telling her you don’t need that man. You can’t depend on men, so make sure you’re independent and strong and get your own.  So, when you raise, masculine women, that’s what you attract, boys.

Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

The Badass woman: can she become feminine and get a man 

All my clients that are strong, independent, powerful and they’re, badass women, and they’re so proud of it, are in relationships with boys, one after the other.  So, if you want a, masculine man, to provide, and protect, you have to be the opposite, feminine, to the core. I help my clients, we do actually get them from being too, masculine, after having neglected their, femininity, typically started in childhood. It’s always something that started in childhood. And we’re just going to calibrated them here.

Myrna: What do you tell them to do? How do you help them become more, feminine?

Andre: So how does a woman to be more, feminine?

Andre: That is simple and it’s individual for all and there’s plenty layers in this and the more you do it the more you get practice. The, masculine, is to be in your head and, feminine, is to be in your heart and your body. Masculine women, are stuck in their head and everything warm, radiant, lovely about them is out the window. Masculine men, live in their head we’re not in our hearts naturally. Right? We have to be logical and conquerors and fighters, we can’t think about how we feel.

Doesn’t matter how you feel. It needs to be done. How many times have you heard me say that? We care how you feel. It has to be done. Right?

Feminine, it’s about how you feel. Anything that makes you feel good, right?  If you feel sexy, you’re sexy.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

What men want: to prove that he is the best suitor  

Myrna: Does, sex, too early in a relationship prevents building a healthy long term love relationship? Women my age were always told by their grandparents don’t give it away.

Why would a guy pay for the cow when he already got milk?

Andre: That’s another long answer, but I’m gonna try to keep it short.  But again, its nature. In a nutshell, a woman’s body and, sexuality, is her currency. Back in the days, men went towards building character, building their businesses, building their finances, so that they were adequate to call on women. They would compete against each other to be the top suitor for the best women. The guy who’s got more resources has more choices. But older men became more attractive on some level, because they have more power, they have more resources, they have more assets.

Men had to build themselves up to be competitive enough to be the chosen one by a good woman.  A, feminine woman, would let herself be wooed by him, but they would not cross the line into, sexuality, until he was committed. Because, sex, that’s her currency. Right? You want a good woman? You gotta be good, man. When you throw that out the window, now a man doesn’t have to work for it. This is part of what’s happening in our culture. Again, not my opinion, just facts. When women give away their bodies for dinner this is what happens.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

What men want: A woman they can trust 

You meet a guy, you date him once, twice, three times. He like, let’s roll. The women think that starts intimacy. The reality is for men, that killed it. Why does early, sex,  kill a long term relationship? Because in nature, he has to prove himself that he is good guy, that he’s got character, he’s got to impress her.  

And now he gets picked with almost no effort. He buys dinner three times and women put out. He’s thinking I can’t trust this woman. Now again, this is not a thought process is the limbic brain, the lizard brain saying, I can’t trust this chick because she’ll sleep with anybody. I didn’t have to do anything to get her to sleep with me.

Women sleep with men because they feel it will make them his girlfriend but no amount of, sex, ever convince a man to commit to a woman. That’s not it. It’s the opposite.

Myrna: Let me let me interrupt that one because I’ve heard that men don’t trust a woman if she sleeps with him on the first date. I think that they’re almost expecting to sleep with you after three dates or three weeks.

Andre: You could change the rules, but it’s still not working.  That’s never going to work. It’s never worked. And it’s the worst when nobody’s getting married.

Conclusion

Connect with Andre on the web:

My storyhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33PM5ehssWM

Website:www.projectequinox.net
FB Page: Project Equinox with Andre Paradis  
https://www.facebook.com/Project-Equinox-272490668761/

FB Private Group for Ladies – Freehttps://www.facebook.com/search/top?q=dating%20and%20relationship%20insights

YouTube: Project Equinox with Andre Paradishttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCc-n26dzlCN0dcAXgubSjGQ

Additional Resources 

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine

You Must Give To Receive

In order to receive you must first, give. This principle is taught in the Bible story of Elijah the prophet and the widow woman.  When you, give, you will always have enough and when you, give, God will also bring your dead things back to life.

Download the podcast here

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11123529-you-must-give-to-receive.mp3?download=true

It Happened: Elijah and the widow woman

The Lord told, Elijah, the prophet to tell King Ahab, who did what was evil in the Lord’s sight more than any of the kings before him.  “There will be no dew or rain during the next few years until I give the word.”

Then the Lord said to, Elijah, “Go hide by a brook and eat what the ravens bring you, for I have commanded them to bring you food”

So, Elijah, did as the Lord told him, but after some time the brook dried up because there was no rainfall. The Lord then told, Elijah “Go and live in the village of Zarephath, I have instructed a, widow, there to feed you.

Again, Elijah, did as he was told and when he arrived at the city he saw a, widow, woman gathering sticks and he asked her. Would you please bring me a little water in a cup. Then he added and a bite of bread too.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

I only have a little flour just enough to make my last meal

The, widow, responded “I swear by the Lord I don’t have a single piece of bread in the house. I only have a handful of flour left in a jar and a little cooking oil in the bottom of the jug. I am about to cook my last meal and die.”

Elijah, responded go ahead and make the meal, but make a little bread for me first, for this is what the Lord said. There will always be flour and olive oil left in your containers until the time comes when the Lord sends rain and the crops grow again.

Sometime later the, widow, woman son dies and, Elijah, brought the boy back to life.

Podbay FM Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podbay FM

Give and God will multiply your seed

The secondary message I received from this story is God is great at multiplication, but you must have something for him to work with. The, widow, woman had a handful of flour and a little bit of oil left at the bottom of a jar and God used that to multiply so that she always had flour and oil. That means she always had something to eat.

Jesus used the 5 loafs and 2 fish to feed thousands. Again, God is great at multiplication.

The Feeding of the 5,000 is also known as the “miracle of the five loaves and two fish”; the Gospel of John reports that Jesus used five loaves and two fish supplied by a boy to feed a multitude.

What this tells me is that you must always have, seed. I recorded a message a couple of years back titled “Don’t eat your seed” if you eat your, seed, spend your, seed, God has nothing to work with.

If you want a harvest you must start with, seed.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Principles of giving and tithing

There has been a lot of talk recently about the, tithe,

Creflow Dollar said that the, tithe, was Old Testament and under the old law and Jesus is new law and the, tithe, is wrong. Every pastor in the entire Kingdom responded to this statement. The Bible said that the, tithe, belongs to the lord and we must, tithe, first.

Elijah, told the, widow woman, to make something to eat with the little flour and oil she had and, give, him something to eat first. How many of you would do that for a stranger? Maybe you would do that if your child is starving. A lot of mothers stay hungry so that their child would eat. But in order for the, widow woman, to get the blessing she had to, give, first.

You have to, give to receive. It works for anything you want. If you want financial abundance or even just to have enough you have to, give, to your church, to hospitals, to the poor, to any company offering human services like Goodwill and the Salvation Army.

If you want love you have to, give love, if you want respect you have to, give respect, and so on and so on.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

The tithe belongs to the Lord

The, tithe, is just God’s way of giving structure to your, giving. If you don’t want to, give, 10% nobody can make you. You have free will, but don’t expect God to bless you when you are like the, widow woman, just waiting to die. If you live stingy all your life never, giving, never blessing others, expect that you will dry up like a prune and always live in struggle and have empty jars. Empty jars don’t just mean money. Life is more than money. You need love, you need health, you need connection. So, start, giving, from your heart and watch the windows of heaven open and abundance flow in.

In closing always remember the principle You have to, give to receive.  Someone told me a long time ago, if your hands are closed not only you can’t give, but you also can’t receive.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach to receive inspiration throughout the week. I will meet you back her next week for another episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources 

Look At The Heart Not Outward Appearance

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Is There Life After Death? A Mother’s Story

When Karen Johnson’s 27 year old son died of a, heroin overdose, she started believing in, life after death, when her son showed up in his human form waving at her at the airport. In her book “Living Grieving” Karen shares how communicating with her son in the, afterlife,  helped her live with her, grief, and start her work as a, shaman, helping survivors and spirits deal with,  life after death.

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Bio

Karen V Johnson’s fast paced professional career as a Federal Judge came to an abrupt halt when she lost her 27-year-old son, Ben to a, heroin overdose. Rather than grieve in a way that made people around her comfortable, she did the unexpected. She quit her lifetime appointment career, sold her house with all her belongings, and went on a 2 ½ year journey around the world finding a spiritual and healing practice along the way.

Karen didn’t think she could ever find her way out of despair, but she found a process that works and shares her journey of transformation with others so they can heal too. Her work is structured around, shamanic, practices, mindfulness, and the journey of the Four winds Medicine Wheel.  Karen blends her personal story with meaningful experiences, offering exercises related to each of the four practices of becoming unstuck, becoming lighter, awakening, and creating a new life.

Ben’s Life After Death

Myrna: Can you share with the listeners your, grief, journey and the death of your son from a, heroin overdose. It’s a powerful story.

Karen: Ben, my son was 27 years old and he was struggling as many young men are trying to find himself trying to decide if he’s going to try to start a business go back to school, many things. And so, I was going on a vacation to South Korea for a week and I thought to myself, when I get back, we’re going to have the big conversation. I don’t care how uncomfortable it is.  And so I went to South Korea, and one day in the afternoon, I just wasn’t feeling well. and into the evening and then all of a sudden, I get this call, and they hang up.

I just had this feeling of dread. And so, I called the number and the detective answers and I say, you just called me I am Karen Johnson. He said, yes. where are you? And I said, I’m in South Korea. And he said, I have some bad news for you. I’m sorry, your son is dead from a, heroin overdose.  Ben had gone to a party with them some other young guys, and they got drunk and they decided, hey, we’re going to try, heroin, in all their 27-year-old wisdom.  My son was 6′ 8, 260 pounds and they gave him too much.

And he died almost instantly. He and I were very close and it just rocked my world. They say that the death of a child and an unexpected death are two worst ones to survive. So, when you have an unexpected death of a child, you’re in a bad place. But that’s the bad part of it. The other side of it is you know, it’s always the blessing and the curse. The Yin and the Yang. So, the other side of it was so the next morning, I couldn’t even get out of South Korea.

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Life after death: Seeing Ben in his human form

Believing in, life after death, started for me at the airport trying to return to the States. It was nighttime when I got the call, so sitting in the airport in South Korea, the next morning I see my son Ben in front of me, just like he is in life. And he’s smiling, his big old grin and then he fades away. So, I desperately frantically call my ex-husband, his father and say, you gotta check. I think he’s alive. I think he’s in that refrigerator and he’s trying to get out. I think he’s alive. You gotta go check. And so, they go check and call me back and very kindly say, no, I’m sorry he’s gone. And so that for me was a doorway.

Death. is always a doorway, it was the doorway into believing in, life after death. And it’s something that I did not believe in before. I didn’t have much of a spiritual practice. I would have said something like alive is alive, dead is dead. And so, my son Benjamin, woke me up to life on the other side, or, life after death, and he continues to do so to this day.

Myrna: That is one of the reasons I wanted to speak to you. I am wearing a sweater right now, but I’m getting chills. You said that was the first time that Ben appeared to you in his human form. The other times you said he was flapping around so I assume he appeared as a bird. I follow Sadhguru and he talks a lot about, life after death. And he said, whenever you die suddenly, from like, suicide, or a bullet or maybe like a, heroin overdose, or something, then your, spirit, can’t seem to find peace. So, do you think that is why Ben stuck around after his, death?

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Grief is a painful experience

Karen: Yeah, after Ben passed, I was in a state. My, grief, was so profound, I was so distraught that my bedroom was upstairs, I couldn’t get up the steps. So, I would be on the steps and I would be crying and screaming for Ben until I threw up. I was throwing up blood. I was truly a mess and I could feel him around me. I knew that he was around me just frantic. I couldn’t hear what he was saying although I could sense him. I couldn’t hear him so I did what my logical mind would never have done before I googled, mediums. To be exact, mediums, in Fairfax County, Virginia and this whole page popped up.

And so, one person’s picture looked a little bit larger than the others. And I thought, well, I’ll take that one. It turns out this is a way, spirit, has been guiding me now to buy a house and to do many things. Something looks different. And that’s how, spirit, communicates because we don’t always hear the words. We can’t always translate what, spirits, are saying. And so, I went to a, medium, about three weeks after he passed and I said, look he came in right behind me. He’s standing over there in the corner.

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Seeking out  a Medium to communicate with spirit

Can you tell me what he’s saying? I can’t hear him. And so, we had a wonderful session. And she told me things that really resonated because it sounded like him. Something like Mom, it was a boneheaded move, and things like that. That just sounded like him. And so, after it was all finished, he said, you know, you might have some abilities yourself because most of my clients have no idea that their loved one is right there in the room with them and there is, life after death.   So that was sort of the intro for me to begin studying, life after death, and, spirituality.

Myrna: Yeah, I think you said that you were Clair-sentience. I like what the, medium, said, spirits, are around us all the time, but a lot of us can’t feel them. I heard that one of the reasons that we can’t communicate with, spirits, is because when you die, your energy is at a higher frequency, and, spirits, has to lower their frequency in order for us to sense them or communicate with them and most of them don’t know how to do that. Is that true?

Karen: That’s my experience. It’s sort of like when you go to a Buddhist temple or you go into the Catholic Church or any church, they’re singing, there’s smoke, there’s prayer. It’s all a way of changing the vibration and the energy.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Life after death: spirits need to transition

I think Ben’s energy couldn’t dissipate until he was able to reassure me, because my being frantic, that he was okay.  I think you stay stuck and in trauma, it prevents, spirits, from fully moving on and doing what they need to do on the other side. Yeah, because they are watching us, they’re seeing how you are dealing with, grief, and people say well if they go to heaven or nirvana or wherever you think that place is, how can they come back. But it’s not prison. So, they’re allowed to come back and forth easily and sometimes they’re a little stuck in between worlds, and they need help.

Myrna: Does Ben still come back and forth?

Karen: Oh, yeah. So, you know, I became a, shaman. I do, shamanic healing, part of, shamanic healing, is helping people to die and helping, spirits, to crossover in the other world. I help, spirits, transition to, life after death.  And so, I helped Ben to cross over and he comes back and forth. I’ll call him if I have a young person who’s committed, suicide, or sudden death or something.  Sometimes, suicides, get a little stuck because there’s so much bad talk about, suicide, that they’re going to hell and all this kind of stuff. And so, they’re afraid to cross over and the, after life.

They don’t know what to be, so I can call Ben and he’ll say, hey, man, come with me. I’ll show you the ropes. I’ll show you it’s beautiful on the other side, you have nothing to fear and then they’re able to cross over to the, after life, peacefully. So, we would kind of work together.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

We had a lot of grief during the pandemic

Myrna: People have lost a lot of people over the, pandemic, and I’ve had some interviews on the show with wife’s losing spouses.  I’ve actually never had one with a mother losing a son. But the, grief, is profound. So, what kind of solace can we have? Should we be scared when we feel our loved one’s presence? What kind of advice you can give on that?

Karen: Yeah, so I think sometimes people say, I’d love to see my loved one but it I find it scary at the same time. I really don’t want them appearing. So, if you have that kind of dynamic going on, I think they don’t want to appear.  A lot of times we’re scared of our loved ones after they die. I don’t think before I saw Ben, that I would have said I wanted him to show up, but he just kind of showed up.  So, I think a lot of that goes on and it just depends how they show themselves to you.

Myrna: You went to the, medium, three weeks after Ben died. Did you find that your, grief, started to settle down after you could communicate with him? I know you’re still grieving seven years after his death, but did the intensity subside?

Karen: The intensity of my, grief, somewhat subsided.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Shamanism Helps survivors deal with grief

Myrna: You said that, shamanism, allowed you to move through your, grief, on your healing journey. So, tell us what, shamanism, is.

Karen: About nine months after Ben passed, I had been in the spiritual world and learning things and growing and I had gone to an evolutionary astrologer who said, hey, I had another woman who had a reading like yours that became a, shaman. I went to Mr. Google and searched for, shaman, and Mr. Google said, try the Four Winds. I contacted their office and three weeks later I’m on a plane to Joshua Tree California.

I got there and I just loved it. That was the beginning of the, south direction, of the, medicine wheel.  The, south direction, of the, medicine wheel, is where you learn to shed your past, the way that a serpent sheds its skin. So, we’re looking at all our old wounds and things that are bothering us in trouble. These are ways of thinking and being all those things and we’re learning how to work with that how to let it go. A process called elimination. So that’s the first feeling medicine that we learned in the south direction.

Myrna: Okay, so they teach you how to shed your skin and how does, shamanism, do that? Do you do it by meditation? Do you do it by coaching?

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Shamanism works with luminous energy to help with grief

Karen: The, shaman, work is working with the, luminous energy field, and we have a, luminous energy field, because when someone’s alive it’s vibrant, and when someone’s gone, it’s just not there. We have this field of energy around us. And so, what we do as, shamans, is learn to work with this, luminous energy field. And by the way, shamanism, is not a religious practice. We have, shamans, that are priests and rabbis, all sorts of people trained in using, energy medicine, to help people and so we do it by process called elimination.

Then we have what we call, medicine stones, and we use our, medicine stones, to help people heal the heart, we blow into our own wounds. And we work with them in different ways to energize these, medicine stones, and then other people can blow their wounds into the stones and then we use a process where we allow them to breathe in, breathe out. You know, the breath is a metaphor for, shamanic, work.  So, we’re breathing in newness and freshness and breathing out staleness and old ways.

So, we’re allowing them to breathe and release with a, medicine stone, on one of their, chakras. And then at the end of this process, we open to coaching. If you look at the pictures of the Christ and saints and the Buddha, all have this halo around them. So, we reach up into our Halo and open it up. And then we bring this divine light down into the person’s, chakra.

So, they’ve released heaviness, and we’re replacing it with divine light. And it’s profoundly healing so that’s how, shamans, work with energy.

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Shamanic directions for healing grief

Myrna: Can you take us through the other three, shamanic, directions?

Karen: So, the,  south direction, and then we moved to the, west direction.  The West has to do with death and dying and, fear of death. Most of us are really afraid of, death, and dying, ours and people that we love. And so, we work with that and sometimes people have energies and entities that we learn to extract and take out in the west.

And then in the, north direction, we move to, hummingbird medicine. The West medicine is, Jaguar medicine, Jaguar who fearlessly calls whatever is dead and dying in the jungle and so we want to be like the Jaguar impeccable and calling whatever’s dead and dying within us. Then we move to, hummingbird medicine, and hummingbird teach us stillness in motion. It’s little wings are flapping and it’s still.

Myrna: And it’s always singing right?

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Podbean

Shamanic practice and directions

Karen: Looking for food and looking for The Sweetest Nectar. Hummingbirds feast on nectar. They don’t go to the dung heap. They don’t go there. They go to the nectar of life. Right? So that’s that metaphor for drinking only from the sweetest nectar of life. So, hummingbird medicine, and then we end up with, Eagle medicine Eagle.

Eagles fly high. So you know Eagles have been the standard for the United States somebody that that flies high. It’s the only bird that flies over all the storms of life always looking for clearing and it has to do with destiny. So these direction in, Eagle medicine, has to do with finding your highest destiny, flying high being able to fly high over obstacles.

Myrna: That’s beautiful. I love it. What are some, mindfulness, tips that can help us with, grief and loss?

Karen: When I talked about my book is the journey of the bereaved and the journey of, grief,  is through transition, resurrection and rebirth and that’s the same process our loved ones go through. So their transition is from their physical form to the spiritual one. They resurrect on the other side. After a while they’re either reborn or maybe recycled into a new life or reborn into their after life.

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Grief is a journey of transformation

And so the, grief, this is our special journey because we go through transformation from having this person to not having this person. And then after a while, if if we can move some of this energy we can have this opportunity to resurrect to look around and say, Okay, so now what next? And then finally to get to the rebirth part where we actually use the energy of, grief, to create a new life out of the ashes of the old one which seems like a really unbelievable thing.

But when you think about other big events in life, like parenthood, and marriage, we know they have transformative energy. We know that life is never the same, life is gonna end with, grief. In our culture we want to avoid, death, because we associate it with sadness and despair. And so people that are grieving are often told, it’s time to move on. It’s time to get over it. Let’s not talk about that.

So oftentimes, people become even more stuck in their, grief, because they become isolated and alone and they know that will make people uncomfortable. What I’d like people to know is that, grief, is a journey. It’s not a one time thing and it has no time frame and your journey is going to be different than anybody else’s.

Never say to a grieving person, it’s time to move on. It’s time to just just let them be. Let them be, and allow them to go on this journey. So that they can use these practices.

Alchemizing the energy of grief

The, south direction, helps people shed their, grief. Each each direction has four practices associated what mindfulness things that people have heard in other contexts. So we talk about non judgement. So one of the practice non judgement who are you judging and who’s judging you? And when I ask people to approach these practices in a very ceremonial way, because we want to get out of our every day, reptilian brains.

Indigenous, alchemy, means native or inherent desire for, transformation. And I think we as humans are really hardwired for, transformation, and change. And when we keep ourselves stuck in, grief, that energy stays stuck in our body and it can make us sick. Years later, we can come up with big illnesses because we have so much unresolved, grief.

So what I like to suggest for people is to really work with these practices, each one they’re 16. And so if you really deeply do the work and take it to spirit there can be profound change that will enable you then to go to a party, have fun, maybe go on a date or whatever you choose, but we have to do a little spiritual work first.

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Living Grieving using energy medicine, alchemize grief and loss.”  Why did you write it? I know you wanted to share the story of your son.

Karen: So I wrote the book after I went on my spiritual journey and beginning shamanism. I ended up selling my home and all my possessions and I went on two and a half year trip around the world, trying to understand, grief and loss. It just seems so incomprehensible to me. It’s like this big elephant and how do you deal with this?

Book Living Grieving
Book: Living Grieving

Living Grieving

And and so I really thought at the beginning, I would just be writing a blog. You can find the book “Living Grieving” on Amazon. I do, shamanic, work I help people with, death, and dying people that are in the process of dying or people that have passed on. I also help widows and other people who are the survivors, I call us the survivors. And the book is really written for the survivors.

Additional Resources 

Master Lama Rasaji: Harmonizing Mind Body Spirit

The Devil Discourages Before He Destroys

In 1 Peter 5:8, Peter gave a firm warning about the, devil: “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the, devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” Peter says that, Satan, wants to devour and destroy you, just like a roaring and hungry lion.

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https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11083290-the-devil-discourages-before-he-destroys.mp3?download=true

The Devil uses our negative emotions

If the, devil, can discourage you, then he can destroy you.  So, you have to guard your heart.  Don’t let, disappointment, enter in.  Disappointment, is also called, hopelessness, and what does the bible say about people without hope. They perish.

The other thing is, disappointment, usually leads to, depression, and then, anger, follows.

We can feel the, negative emotions, or we can try to block them by doing something.

We can avoid painful, emotions, by reading a book, shopping, cooking, eating, watching a movie, drinking, smoking, drugs etc.

But it is best to feel these, emotions, try to feel it in your body. Feel which part of your body is feeling the pain. Is it in your stomach, is it in your chest?

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Feel negative emotions in your body

Stop and feel, negative emotions, for at least one minute before you try to self-medicate.

Then ask the question what am I feeling?

Is it jealousy?

Is it rejection?

Most times, negative feelings, manifest as, depression. Depression, is a surface emotion that is linked to childhood, adolescent and sibling experience. A person depressed is like a boat on a sea that is being tossed about by every wave or wind that comes along.

Anger, normally accompanies, depression. Anger, is more than an emotion. It is the registration of more than one thousand energy fields. It happens when the world does not perform as we expect it to.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

How to deal with negative emotions

Whenever you feel, anger, jealousy, or, depression, try to feel the emotion for a few seconds before you react to it. The more often you apply consciousness to your, negative emotions, the less they will show up.

I want to point out that lack of self-worth is most often the root of all emotional pain. It does not matter how much you have achieved or accomplished; it has no correlation to the outside world. It is the experience of insecurity.

Your emotions are like street lights, they turn on in the dark. That is your dark thoughts.

This is the plot of the, devil; he wants you to believe all is hopeless that is why he, seeks and destroys. People who are depressed feel all is hopeless that is why depressed people commit suicide.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Discouragement takes out the heart

Discouragement, takes out the heart. So beat off, discouragement, and, depression, with everything you got. Try to replace those, negative feelings, with feelings of love and peace. For example, Think of the birth of your children, your happy moments, a beautiful scene you experienced etc. One of my favorite sayings is “good memories can save your life” from the movie the Punisher. I will share some of my happy places with you.

My husband and I were on a cruise and one night we sat and stared at the full moon for some time. We were in the middle of a dark ocean and the full moon was reflecting on the water. It was a beautiful and serene experience and I recall it often, because it made me feel connected to God.

My other scene I recall often was on my honeymoon. We went to a beach in the Bahamas. We were the only one on the beach, the water was rough and the winds were strong and I had the most amazing feelings of peace and tranquility. I could go on about my memories of the birth of my children but you get the picture.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Conclusion

So, you see we all have memories to replace those, negative emotions. If you can’t remember your memories, take out your old albums. We are hard wired to only focus and remember the bad things someone said to us, the bad things someone did to us or what someone didn’t do that we expected them to do. That is why you are depressed and discouraged and let the, devil, in, so you must turn it around.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope you were inspired to replace depressive thoughts and, negative emotions, with good memories.

Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Have a Positive Mindset: Get Rid of Automatic Negative Thoughts

Listen To Your Heart It Reveals Your Purpose

One way to find your, purpose, is to notice what makes you, weep, or angry.  Because that is your, heart, responding to what’s on the outside that is linked to something on your inside.  For example, do you, weep, when you hear a child has been abused or a dog left outside in the heat without any water? Then maybe God wanted you to do something about this and that is why he pre-wired you to care.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11044600-listen-to-your-heart-it-reveals-your-purpose.mp3?download=true

Nehemiah wept for days

We see an example of this in the, bible story, of, Nehemiah. Nehemiah, asked his brother a simple question. “How are the, Jews, finding being back home after being in captivity”

Nehemiah, brother replied “Not good. They are in trouble and disgrace because the, walls of Jerusalem, have been torn down and the gates destroyed by fire.”

When, Nehemiah, heard this, he wept for days until he felt compelled to do something about it. At the time he was not a rich man, a man of influence, or had any other qualifications to rebuild a wall; he was the Kings cup bearer.  But that did not stop him from asking God to make the King favorable to his request to rebuild the, walls of Jerusalem.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Nehemiah found his purpose

Nehemiah, had this immense calling to do something, it made him sad because he really didn’t think he could actually do anything about it.  Remember he was not rich; he did not have any influence or so he thought. While serving the king wine one day, the King noticed he was sad and asked him why.

Nehemiah, replied “I am sad because the city where my ancestors are buried is in ruins.” The king asked “How can I help you?” What a strange response from a King. This is because, Nehemiah, had already petitioned God to go before him and soften the, heart, of the king.

So, Nehemiah, responded “Send me to Judah to rebuild the city where my ancestors are buried.”

The King responded “How long will you be gone?”

Again no pushback, the King did not even ask, Nehemiah, how he plans on accomplishing this task. He just said just let me know how long you will be gone!

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Stacey Abrams: A present day Nehemiah

How many of you felt angry or sad at things happening around you, but felt you could do nothing about it because you are a nobody without money or influence?  I have heard lots of present-day, Nehemiah, stories of men and women tackling huge issues and building a movement. The first one that comes to mind is, Stacey Abrams, in, Georgia.

Stacey did not win her groundbreaking 2018 campaign for governor, but she did not quit. She got right back to work because she understood that she didn’t need the title of governor to make a difference in the lives of Georgians.

But let’s unpack our Nehemiah story. The truly amazing thing about this story is that he completed the wall in 52 days. He, organized, what the enemy called poor feeble, Jews, to work together. Everybody did a little bit. I think today we call this, grassroots organizing, or, boots on the ground, and he did it without technology. No telephones, no internet!

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

How to Find Your Purpose

Why was he so successful, because it was his, purpose.  It was his, soul’s purpose, and that is why the, organizing, forces in the universe came together to make it happen. How did, Nehemiah, find his, purpose? He wept for days when he heard that his people were living in shame and his, heart, told him he should do something about it.

In a similar way, your, purpose, has a way of finding you.  It could jump off the page of a book you are reading, you could hear a term and like, Lifecoach, and know that is what you are supposed to do. Are you trying to find your, purpose in life? Reflect on what elicits emotion from you. Listen to your, heart.  It will direct you to your, purpose.

Nehemiah, built a wall, what can you build? Can you build a community center for the youths in your community, so they can get off the streets? Can you build a school in your village, so the kids can get an education? Can you build wells in third world countries, so that poor people can drink clean water?

Conclusion

Whatever is causing you pain, you can do something about it. You are, limitless, you only need the, desire; the, organizing, power of the universe will do the rest.

This is 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I hope that you are on, purpose, and if not,  you must learn to listen to your, heart, to find your, soul’s purpose. Join my Facebook group Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week.

Additional Resources 

Your Pain Reveals Your Purpose

How to Replace Bad Habits With Success Habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur and TEDx speaker. This blog is about replacing your, bad habits, with, success habits, thereby  transforming your life.

Habits, are very important. We always say that, it takes 21 days to form a, bad habit, but now some people are actually challenging that. They’re saying it takes about three months or 90 days to form a, habit.

Whatever we do on a consistent basis, it forms a, habit,  regardless it is a, bad habit, or, success habit. So, today we’re talking about transforming our lives through, success habits, and replacing the, bad habits. The, habit, that we’re trying to develop is the, success habit, that leads to  happiness.

Success habits, generally increase your happiness.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Bio and Introduction Bad Habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, TedX speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. After exiting his delivery startup for $323 million in 2019, Will confirmed what he’d spent the past 25 years researching: True happiness isn’t about money, power, or fame;  it’s about figuring out what makes you happy and taking consistent action on those things every single day.

To do this, Will has thrown out the book on traditional, self-improvement, creating instead a unique system that reduces friction by combining the latest in science and technology with, success habits, and universal principles: gamifying the process and building momentum. Will’s company, Moore Momentum, is addressing the “Social Dilemma.” and helping people hold themselves accountable by taking the necessary action to replace their, bad habits,  with, success habits.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

5 core areas to build Success Habits

  • Mindset,
  • Career & Finances;
  • Relationships,
  • Physical Health,
  • Emotional Health
  • Giving Back.

Moore Momentum is committed to helping people fire on all cylinders on their way to becoming an unstoppable force, so they can then pay it forward to help the world do the same!

Myrna: Awesome bio. It sounds that you’re very successful. It’s everybody’s dream to have an exit strategy that makes them several million dollars especially 323 million so that is a great foundation. So, what you are doing with More Momentum? Can you tell us how you got into this journey? Understanding that happiness does not come from fame or it does not come from money or it doesn’t come from power as everybody seems to think.

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Understanding Where Happiness Lies

Will: My mom was an alcoholic. She was verbally and physically abusive. My parents divorced early, we moved around a lot. I just never really fit in and I just kind of got to a point where I was basically suicidal in college. Serendipitously one of my professors introduced me to a book, “How to Friends and Influence People” by Mr. Dale Carnegie. It sort of changed my mindset and started to shift me towards what I call a growth owner mindset.

Myrna: I read that book.  I found it very difficult to understand but it is a  classic.

Will: I’ve read it so many times. It was written back in the 40s some 70 years ago, and still  it still stands today which is to me is a testament of the universal principles. These Universal principles in life,  if you follow them, if you abide by them, if you lead your life by them and build your, habits, around them, you’re going to succeed.

You’re not going to be happy if you ignore them or try to cheat the system. You’re going to struggle, so that sort of opened up my mind to the principle of friends.

It’s not about you, give to other people if you want to have more friends than you can handle.

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How to Win Friends

I just took that to heart. I started to shift and I started taking all the poor me victim stuff self talk which was a , bad habit, and started asking people questions about themselves.  It was like my own human science experiment.  I started taking notes, seeing what worked and what didn’t. I noticed people responded well when you took interest in them.

I started making, friends, and was becoming more popular.  People actually started liking me, compared to what was constantly being played in my head, “I’m a loser nobody likes me.”

That just started my, success habits,  journey, and I never stopped. I became an insatiable, self-help, beast. I was reading book after book on, self-improvement.”  All the books that I could get my hands on including “Think and Grow Rich”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, etc.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

My #1 Success Habits was reading Self Help Books

I started to live this more holistic type of lifestyle, I call it  ‘firing on all cylinders’. When you start to develop these, habits, you’re building momentum and creating, success habits, in each of the 5 core areas.  People around you can feel your momentum and your energy. When we sold our solar business in 2019 for a combined 321 million, I had enough money where I could say, okay I don’t technically have to work anymore I can concentrate on building my, success habits.

Myrna: I started my spiritual journey with Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari”. I understand what you’re talking about.

How did you transition to understanding, bad habits, and, success habits? You started off with, “How to win friends and influence people”, How did you combine that into, habits?

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Changing your Bad Habits into Success Habits

Will: Success habits, were not as integral and central as they are now for me, as I got deeper into, self improvement, I started identifying my, bad habits. I call them, failure habits, and replacing them with, success habits; but I wasn’t doing it  consciously.

I didn’t need to shine a spotlight on all my, bad habits, that was causing me, negative momentum, in each of my five core areas.  I just decided to replace my, bad habits, with, success habits.   The book that brought my, bad habits, home was  “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I read several years ago.

It all comes down to your, habits. You are your, habits. We run on autopilot 90% of the time and we’re just doing the things that we have done repeatedly, whether they’re good or bad and here’s the kicker, habits, don’t care if they’re helping or hurting you. We are all creatures of, habit.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Your Bad Habits are automatic

Myrna: I go on autopilot mode almost every time I drive so I know what you taking about. I’ll be meaning to go someplace different, next thing I end up at the place where I wasn’t supposed to go.

Will: That’s a perfect example, where your brain is trying to conserve energy. A lot of people have no idea that our brain finds the safest route. To start replacing a, bad habit, find a replacement, success habit.

Myrna: You discovered the, success habits, and the, bad habits, and then you just made it integral to your More Momentum training. Now, let’s get to the Seven the Habits of Successful People. You mentioned that you read the book it was written by Stephen R. Covey and it’s called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Seven Habits of Highly Successful People

Will: One of the things that people do is they get caught up in thinking that certain, habits, are going to lead to the promised land.  These seven habits is the formula for being happy, because your belief system plus your repeated actions plus time equals who you will become.

  • Habit 1: Be Proactive
  • Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
  • Habit 3: Put First Things First
  • Habit 4: Think Win-Win
  • Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
  • Habit 6: Synergize
  • Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

The Book the Secret  had the answer to the universe, but they didn’t  have the action part of it. It’s like you can’t just think about what you want. You got to actually take action, you have to build your, success habits.

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Download on Spotify

Action is the way to build your Success Habits

Myrna: I love it, you mean you can’t just put a picture on your vision board and then 10 years later you manifest it?

Will: Right. That’s right exactly. I had a, vision board. I  still do sitting right here.  You have to take consistent action to manifest your vision.

You have go to tell yourself, I got everything within me to kick ass. It’s only a matter of time. Obstacles are temporary roadblocks and every step of the way, I’m going to fail forward and I’m going to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, on my way to becoming this unstoppable force. That’s the attitude you got to have, and it doesn’t come easily.

It doesn’t come overnight and that’s why the compounding part – your belief system plus your repeated actions or, habits, plus time equals who you become.  Those actions start becoming, habits, and they turn into things that are actually automatically building your, momentum, along the way versus hurting it. That’s how you become the person that you want to be.

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The Mindset of Success Habits

Myrna: What are some, success habits, that we can start doing? Not necessarily talk about the failure or bad habits yet, give us a couple of success habits that you have discovered.

Will:  Your, mindset, is essentially the thoughts that are going through your head Some people have the, bad habit, of talking baldly to themselves about themselves. They say things like

  • You are not good enough
  • I will never be anybody
  • People don’t like me
  • They have a victim mindset that says people are always out to get them.
  • Some tell themselves things like I was born this way, there is nothing I can do about it

We have to have the, mindset, that that says, you can’t succeed without failing. If you’ve got a good, mindset, going everything else becomes incrementally easier.

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Download on iTunes

The Habit of Transforming your Mind

Myrna: I agree with that. That’s why this show is called “transform your mind to transform your life” because your mind is the first place to start, human transformation.

Will: For your career and finances, I’d say very first thing you should do is figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then start focusing on the things you’re good at and make that part of your daily routine. You’re moving that stuff forward and then peripherally the other things that need to be done will get done.

 I’d say the top, habit, for that goes back to Mr. Dale Carnegie – “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, is just make other people feel special.

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iHeart Radio

The Habit of Making People Feel Special

Whether it’s your significant other, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, or acquaintances:

  • Remember names,
  • Remember details about people,
  • Be genuinely interested in what they’re saying (you may have to fake it at first, because we’re all selfish egotistical creatures by nature) but what happens is you actually start to see that they respond to you. They’re interested in you, that becomes addictive and then you do become more genuinely interested in them.

It’s this feedback success loop thing you get into and it’s magical and it just propels your life because, you can’t go through life on your own, you got to have other people.

For physical health, I’d say the top, success habits, are:

  • There’s your sleep,
  • Watch your nutrition
  • Movement, there’s your exercising.
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Podbean

Success Habits for Emotional Health

The final tip I would give for the final core emotional health and giving back, I’ll give two tips because they’re kind of slightly different things. For the, emotional health, part the question is

  •  Are you living a life full of passion, purpose?
  • Do you actually enjoy the ride or are you just constantly like looking down scratching off to do’s”, trying to just get through the day?”
  • The, habit, of enjoying life and  expressing your passion is important.

I would also say proactively making a list of the things that you love and then making sure that you’re incorporating them into your life regularly is a great, success habit. Whether it’s doing a sport or whether it’s creativity if you’re an artist, you like to paint, and you haven’t painted in 10 years.   Use technology and sign up for class or get a buddy that you can paint with.

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TuneIn Radio

Erase Bad Habits with a regular routine

Get it into your regular routine because again it’s a, habit, like anything else, and if you start doing it then all of a sudden you’re doing it, you don’t even have time for the, bad habits, to get an opening. With a regular routine thoughts like “Oh, I don’t have time for this” or  “Oh, I have conflicting schedules”  A daily schedule starts to improve your life, because you’re incorporating more of the things that you love and are passionate about.

The last, success habit,  is “giving back”. I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning. I’ve memorized it.  I focus on all the things that I want in life and then at the end of it, I talk about what I’m grateful for. So, I get this feeling of  “Oh, man I’m so lucky and it just boosts me up and rocket propels me into the day because I start happy and excited.

Myrna: I love that. That was a good idea to give a, success habit, from each of your five core areas of life. So as we wrap up, so tell our listeners more about your business – More Momentum. How they can get in contact with you and what exactly is your program.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

Moore Momentum Training

Will:   https://mooremomentum.com is the website. There’s a “see the Momentum Movement” tab at the top and you can sign up. I’ve got a weekly blog and newsletter that I do at the top. There’s also the social media buttons (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter)  My Instagram page is  @willmoremomentum. I post viral videos of stuff and I’m trying to make it fun by gamifying the experience. I’m helping people trick their brain into wanting to watch the stuff that’s good for them.

I’ve got the App that’s coming up so I super excited.  I think I mentioned briefly earlier, the App it’s going to just take everything I’ve been doing over the last 25 years and culminate it into one device where you can stop your, bad habits, in these five core places and replace them with, success habits.

In the game, you’re a rocket ship. You’ve got your five core cylinders of your engine in order to fly up to the moon and break earth’s gravitational pull. You got to get enough momentum to get off the ground by stopping those, bad habits, and replacing them with, success habits, one step at a time. I make sure I take it through very slowly. Remember the law of compounding – if you rush into it, you try to change everything at once. It’ll never work then all of a sudden you’re flying off to different planets and universes and solar systems and you’re meeting aliens along the way.

You’re getting universal principles and tips flying through asteroid fields building up your armor and becoming an unstoppable force.

It’s super exciting. You can sign up on my website for that as well. If you click on the App, it’ll say “be notified when the App is Available.”

Conclusion

Myrna: I absolutely love it. Wow, so that’s great not only for adults but for children teaching them that they can do anything. If they want to get to the moon or to get to the top of their goals. Whether it’s a, success habit, or a, bad habit, you just keep doing it. It’s actually pretty good to replace those, failure habits, and make them into, success habits, so you can do it.

If you found this blog and podcast inspirational, please subscribe, rate and review The Transform Your Mind Podcast on iTunes. Leave your comments below if you have, bad habits, that you need to change into, success habits.

Additional Resources

https://www.denierob.com/blog/5-key-takeaways-from-the-power-of-now

 

 

Your Focus Determines Your Actions

Are you aware of your, emotional home?  It is what you, focus, on when the going gets tough, determines your, actions. Your, emotional home, is the emotion you return to when life events happen, good or bad. For example, have you ever been fired? What did you, focus, on?

What was your, emotional response? Did you, focus, on fear that you will be homeless?  Was it hope that you will find a better job, or did you, focus, on gratitude, that now you can do what you really love. Science shows that our, emotions, have a home and we always go home.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10921352-your-focus-on-determines-your-actions.mp3?download=true

 

Tony Robbins, tells the story often about one Thanksgiving when he was 11 years old, his step father had just lost his job and they were eating saltine crackers and butter for dinner when there was a knock at the door and a man was there with a basket of food and a Turkey.

His father was not grateful for the food. He told the man at the door. We don’t accept charity and tried to shut the door in the man’s face. The man put his foot in the door and responded it was not charity and he was just the delivery man.

His father took the food without saying thanks and slammed the door in the man’s face.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

What you Focus on  is your emotional home

The meaning you give life events determines the, actions, you take.

Tony’s father chose to, focus,  on the fact that he could not provide for his family and that is why someone had to send them food.

The meaning he attached to this, focus, was that was he was a failure.

His, actions, were to leave his family.

Tony on the other hand chose to, focus,` on the fact that they had food, his emotion was, gratitude.

The meaning he gave it was that strangers cared.

The action he did was to pay it forward and at 17 years old started his organization, Feeding America.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What actions did you take when you felt pain

Many of you listening had events that happened in your childhood that shaped who you became as an adult and formed your, emotional home.

We’re you sexually molested as a child?

We’re you bullied in school because you wore hand me downs and your shoes had holes in them?

Did your parents favor your siblings?

In every one of those scenarios, you focused on the situation.

You probably give it the meaning that you were worthless or unlovable.

What, actions, did you take?

Did you become sexually promiscuous?

Did you sleep with boys or men to get money to buy stuff?

Did you hate your parents or siblings?

The, emotions, that came from the meaning affect our, actions, and are the, emotions, you return to when you are hurt.

Let me help you change the narrative – you have to deliberately draw a line in the sand and change it.  It takes work to, rewrite your story.

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Download on Spotify

STEPS TO REWRITE YOUR STORY

  1. Examine your habits
    Instead of focusing on what you want to change, turn your attention to the bad habit or habits that lead to you wanting to learn how to change yourself. Are your sugar cravings at 10 PM what lead to you being overweight? Is your habit of sleeping in and arriving at work late getting in the way of your promotion? Once you’ve identified the, negative habits, you can create better ones that will help you, rewrite your story, such as utilizing delayed gratification.
  2. Practice every day
    Once you know what your new, healthy habits, are, practice them every single day – no matter what. Have a backup plan in case circumstances get in the way of your new habits and don’t allow yourself to cut corners.
  3. Focus on self-reflection
    One of the habits that lead you to wanting to learn how to change your life around was not facing reality. You need to, focus, on realistic self-reflection throughout your journey and, when needed, ask those you trust for their perspective. Are you improving? If not, what else needs to change?
  4. Surround yourself with good people
    When you spend quality time with good people who love you, you develop a natural support system for your new habits and you are able to, rewrite your story, in a nurturing environment.
  5. Keep taking risks
    If you want to learn how to change your life, you cannot stay in your comfort zone. You need to take risks until you get comfortable with those risks – then take more. The more you push yourself, the easier it will become to rewrite your story and transform your life.

Conclusion

Can you use your story to help others?

If you take control of your mind and, focus, on making better decisions, sometimes the worst experiences in life turn out to be your best teachers and your, testimony.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, 5 min Fridays, I hope you were inspired to become aware of your emotional home and if is not a positive emotion, change it. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources 

How to become Limitless: Emotional Intelligence Leadership

Money Mindset: Removing Your Financial Baggage

In this 21 Day, money mindset, Challenge we help people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10849904-money-mindset-removing-your-financial-baggage.mp3?download=true

 

Bio

A gang of armed men broke into Chana Mason’s childhood home in Bogota, Colombia, And held her family hostage. Her family miraculously fled to Miami, but 5-years-old Chana’s sense of safety was decimated. Two decades later, Chana still dealt with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. To heal herself, she dove into a journey to rediscover her peace and joy. She’s learned from the world’s top experts on the human mind and uses her gift for turning complex ideas into easy-to-access tools for transformation.

Through her straight talk, open heart, and addictive joy, Chana helps thousands clarify their vision, shift beliefs getting in their way, and manifest their dreams. Chana lives with her family in the funky Nachlaot neighborhood of Jerusalem and works with individuals and communities around the world.

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Byron Katie’s book The Work as the foundation for shifting mindset

I love Byron Katie’s book, “The Work” I follow her work so, and I started doing some of those exercises or tools. So, I know what you’re talking about in your book “Hold That Thought”. From your bio, you said that because you had, PTSD, so you started to, to train with a top world expert. So can you bridge the gap for us, how your, childhood trauma, turned into you becoming a coach and a teacher and how you used Byron Katie’s book, “The Work” as the foundation of one of your tools.

Chana: I was constantly in search of things that would help me stop having, anxiety and depression, and one of the things that I experienced which I kind of thought I was the only person in the world who had this because we have a tendency to be very lonely in our suffering and not talk about it.

I would have the worst, anxiety images, I would picture the most horrific things happening all the time. In my mind, I tend to picture things rather than have words as much. And so, as I walk off a bus, I pictured myself tripping off the bus and getting run over or I trip on the sidewalk and I would imagine my head bashing the sidewalk and blood and guts everywhere.

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Our thoughts are malleable

Those types of images were flooding my mind all the time, in addition because of the kidnap threat when I was a kid, I was constantly being scared of people on the street thinking I was gonna get kidnapped or thinking I was gonna get raped. All of that stuff, didn’t respond at all to therapy. So, for years, I tried going to different therapists.  Eventually I started learning about the concept that our thoughts are within our control and, thoughts, are malleable, but I didn’t really have clear tools for how to shift those, thoughts, and I kept getting stuck.

Eventually, I found some really phenomenal coaches and healers; but there was something about Byron Katie’s material that just really struck a chord.  I was introduced to “The Works” as a process for inquiry. So, The Works, and the option process and other tools for inquiry also.  Their goal is to help you ask questions. When you’re facilitating someone else, you ask them questions that help the subconscious to bring up all of the answers and all of the beliefs and all of the rationale that we’ve been using to drive our behavior.  Sometimes just seeing it on the surface makes us look at it and be like wait, that doesn’t make any sense.

You know, so for example, a lot of people think that the best way to lose weight is believing that they should lose weight. My experience is that the belief that I should lose weight makes people want to eat more and exercise less. And so as soon as they see how they react to that belief, they realize, wait, this belief isn’t working for me, even though I thought it would help me get to where I want to go.

Eventually, I wanted to help people to this theory clearly a journal work. So just came out with a new book, which I didn’t even get to tell you about because it just came out. It’s called “Inner Voices.

Also, in “Hold That Thought” people get a free taste of “Inner Voices” at the end of the book.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Using the Works to change your beliefs

Myrna: When I was reading “The Works” I used the inquiry for my, beliefs, regarding my husband. Married people have conflict over certain different things so this was helpful for me. I loved the inquiry, is that true? How do you know that’s true? So, how did you use that book specifically to get rid of your, anxiety images?

Chana: So for me, the purpose of inquiry is to question our thinking. For some people thinking manifests as words. And for other people it manifests as pictures. But what’s cool about a picture is that it’s not just one belief. Usually a picture, is a container for lots and lots of, beliefs. So, if you’re picturing yourself, God forbid, driving off the road, there’s a lot of, beliefs, in there.

  • Not safe when I’m driving.
  • The world is not a safe place.
  • I can’t trust myself on the road.
  • I can’t trust other drivers on the road.
  • I’m going to die.
  • I’m going to die in a painful way.
  • I’m going to die right now.

Asking is it true to shift your mindset

Think about how many things come up. And so, if you can just sit and think about what are the, beliefs, that are embedded in these, anxiety images? I want for your audience to really understand what inquiry is so I can give you a simple example. There was one time that I was in Heathrow Airport, sort of transitioning via London to the United States from Israel. And Heathrow Airport is huge, it’s like a mall, and there’s a point when you walk through it, it’s like walking through the perfume section of a mall. And I saw this huge poster image advertisement of a scantily clad model standing next to a bottle of perfume.

The only thing at the bottom of what brands it was the brand of the perfume, but there were no words on this marketing. This was a big poster. And yet when I looked at it, I noticed that my stomach started to turn. So, for me, the thing that drives me to question my thinking is my emotional state. And my emotional state is a combination of just straight up emotions like anger or sadness, and physiological experiences because we feel emotions inside of our bodies. So, for me, my stomach started to turn and I started to feel a little bit sad and worthless. And so immediately I knew there’s something happening in me from this poster. This poster was telling a story, and that story wasn’t feeling good.

I immediately knew to ask myself the question, Is this true? And as soon as I answered this is not true, my stomach was no longer in knots. I was able to shift my, mindset.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Shifting your limiting beliefs

Myrna: So how do you help clients shift their, limiting beliefs,  and manifest their dreams?  We know that we can use the tools that we’ve been talking about to question how we’re feeling, question our, belief system, and so on, but how could we use it for you to shift your, limiting beliefs, and manifest your dreams?

Chana: One of the things I do as a coach is I help people clarify a vision for what it is they want to do with their lives. You know, they may want to build a business, want to increase their sales in real estate.  I have a number of realtors that I work with. They may want to lose weight, it really just depends.

Everybody’s a little bit different. But particularly for my business clients, actually, it’s true even for somebody wanting to lose weight. What tends to happen is that they have a vision. There’s something they want, they know it’s a clear manifestation of their life’s purpose, and would give them a tremendous amount of meaning.

Yet, they can’t seem to get themselves to do it. They keep bumping into all sorts of obstacles along the way. And for that, I created a tool I called the, obstacle course. So, this is where I tend to use the tools of inquiry that I’ve gotten from others and create tools that help people. Let’s say that you want to be 20 pounds lighter. So, I have a client who’s in that situation right now. She wants to be 20 pounds lighter.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Using the obstacle course to change mindset

Myrna: Well, in your book I thought it was interesting this guy, I think he was a Potter or something and he was saying that he could never be successful as a Potter and you used the, obstacle course, to help him shift his, mindset, and remove his, financial baggage.

Chana: So that’s a perfect sample. He had this vision of living out in the country and not living in the city and being professionally a Potter and actually making a living as a Potter.  Being able to sustain a family that way. But it seemed so pie in the sky and impossible in his eyes. So, I asked him to do this, obstacle course. What are all the reasons why it’s impossible? And for most of us who are visual, it really helps to actually see these, obstacles and remove our, financial baggage.

Everyone comes up with different things, I asked them to envision this dream they have as being someone in the distance in front of them like let’s say it’s right here. Then I asked them between here and the vision they have, what do they see? And one client said they see shards of glass and other person says they see clouds and other person says the image itself is a black and white, they don’t see any color, all sorts of things like that, right?

So, for this guy, the obstacles between himself and the vision is the opportunity to speak. I said, okay, what are the shards of glass or what are the clouds have to say? And he said, It’s impossible. I can’t do it. I couldn’t possibly make enough money to support a family, you know, all these different, beliefs. And he listed about 13 obstacles along with their, financial baggage.  Then we have to do the inquiry and ask him “Is this true” and then get him to do a, turnaround to shift his, mindset, and unload his, financial baggage.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Using turnarounds to shift your mindset

It’s a lot. What’s really cool is that for most of us the, beliefs, that are driving our lives and driving our behavior, are resting in the, subconscious mind. We’re just not aware that they’re there. And all we have to do is ask a question, like, what are those, obstacles, have to say or what am I believing right now? This making me feel this way? And it’s just amazing. Our, subconscious mind, loves to follow orders. If we ask good questions, we get good answers.

So, if I ask, what am I believing right now the, subconscious mind, is like oh, you want to know your, beliefs. Here they are. They were all sitting under this consciousness, so we talked about money, for example, for most people, what keeps them from manifesting wealth and abundance? They have all of these, money beliefs, and for almost all of us our, money beliefs, are very deeply hidden in the, subconscious mind.

For two reasons. One is we got our, money beliefs, early from our family when we were kids. And the other is, money, is taboo. So, we have, money beliefs, but we don’t know what they are. It’s like for people for whom your body is taboo.

If God forbid, they ever get abused, well, if you don’t know you have a penis. How do you tell someone that it got touched? So, in the same way, if you’re not allowed to talk about, money, and, money, is this taboo thing? When things aren’t going well with, money, you don’t even have the language to talk about debt or stress or credit cards or building wealth or investments.

If you don’t even have the language, you don’t have the vocabulary for that. So, for this guy, once he was able to identify thoughts, then we could use all of the tools from inquiry from the auction process to, neuro linguistic programming, to The Works, to be able to address what he was doing.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Your money mindset and your parents

Myrna: He must have thought that the only way that you can be successful is if maybe you’re an accountant or professional or maybe his parents told him that a Potter is not a real job.  I know about the, money mindset, because we grew up poor. You have a, money mindset, when you hear your parents or grandparents, say things like “money don’t grow on trees” or, “money is the root of all evil.”

So, you’ve got it on both ends. So that’s basically your, belief system. That is a great segue into what we want to talk about today, removing your financial baggage. Tell us about your 21 day, money mindset, challenge.

Chana: Yeah, I actually really want to focus on this thing of money doesn’t grow on trees, because we have this 21 Day Challenge that helps people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

The money mindset 21 day challenge

And one of the things that my husband and I decided to do in the, money mindset,  challenge is that every single day, every single lesson has a story because we find that stories how we learn and particularly with, beliefs, stories are how we created our, beliefs. You know, your five-year-old Myrna is looking around and she’s seeing how people are behaving right. She’s living a story, and then she comes up with a whole collection of conclusions about what’s true about the world. And some of those conclusions literally came out of people’s mouths, but not always.

For example, two people could get divorced and a kid says, oh, my daddy doesn’t love me. That’s why he left. Even though Daddy never said that. There’s no indication of that. Right? And it’s probably the opposite of why it’s true. Because Daddy loved the kid, he stayed longer than maybe he would have otherwise. There’s just such a different collection of stories that kids can create. So, one of the stories that I use repeatedly with students to help them shift is to actually see that money does quite specifically grow on trees.

Myrna: I think ask you those questions. Is that true? What are the other questions? Do you go through in “The Works? Is that how you do them to shift their, mindset?

Chana: So, so there are a few questions that I ask. So, let’s say you’re believing.  I’m not talented enough to start my own business. Okay, so you and I deal with people who believe that all the time I’m not trying to start my own business. So, one stream of questions could be doing “The Work of Byron Katie”,

  • Is it true?
  • Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  • How do you react when you believe that thought? You see what that thought does to you emotionally, physiologically, behaviorally, you notice that if I believe I’m not talented enough to start my own business, my body shrinks. I get really tight.

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

Your beliefs determine your success

Personally, for me I want to crawl under the covers and hide. I’m much less social and under those circumstances, I literally can’t start my own business. I can’t do anything even remotely creative or audacious, well, unbelieving, that thought. So, the thought actually creates that reality. And isn’t that convenient, right? One of the things that I can ask myself was also, is how do I benefit from believing that thought?

One benefit I get is that I can sit on the couch and drink beer and watch movies.  It’s like, because I’m not talented enough, which is beyond my control, right? It’s not like oh, I’m going to work on my talent.

So, me as an author, my husband is also an author. We read books about writing books, and we take courses from authors and these work on our craft. We didn’t used to be talented enough to write great books, but we are now working really hard, and hopefully it will be a lot better a decade from now. But to say I’m not talented enough to start my own business is sort of saying like, it’s like a flatline and it means I don’t even have to try. It’s much more convenient to sit on the couch and eat ice cream.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Using Turnarounds to shift your money mindset

The key part of Byron Katie’s process is doing what she calls, turnarounds, where you take the original statement, and you say it’s opposite. So, you say “I am talented enough to start my own business.”  I’m talented enough to learn. I’m talented enough to ask questions. I’m talented enough to seek mentors. I’m talented enough at the one thing I know how to do, and I could outsource other pieces that I don’t know how to do, where I’m not particularly talented.

So those would be me giving reasons why this new perspective is true. And every time I give a reason why the new perspective is true. I’m literally rewiring my brain into a different perspective and detaching from the old perspective. And the more I do that, the more I train my mind to question everything.  And so, there’s something really powerful about questioning absolutely every single thing you see.  So, so in our, money mindset, challenge, we teach a number of different tools to help people shift their, beliefs.

One of the tools we teach is “The Works.” We teach a bunch of other tools. Another one of them is simply choosing to disentangle two concepts that you’ve glued together. For example, often when we’re working with someone in financial coaching I will ask, please complete the following sentence. Rich people are ……… And often people will say things like greedy, selfish, slimy, evil, you know, out to get us, etc.

Myrna: Yes, they hear their parents saying those things.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Shifting your mindset on your beliefs

Chana: Right, they have all of these different, beliefs. And what’s really cool is you have a few options of what you can do with let’s say, rich people are evil. Okay. You can ask yourself, are there times that you’ve met rich people who are good or generous?

Then list examples of wealthy people you know, who are particularly generous, and every single time all of a sudden the person is like, oh, yeah, you know, there’s this guy in my community, and he’s always taking care of everyone. And whenever anybody is in need, they can just go to him and he’ll get some cash very quietly, secretly under the table.

And oh, yeah. And you know, my church wouldn’t stand if it wasn’t for these two women who are really rocking entrepreneurs, and they just they support the entire church and they do it so quietly, and oh, yeah, you know that big philanthropist, he’s just giving money away all the time.

If they say poor people are good, so you can ask them have you ever met a poor person who’s evil and you’re like, oh, yeah, you know, there’s this guy and it’s like, okay, well, let’s look at the vast majority of people who get arrested for theft, are they are rich people are people?  The only thing you know for sure is that they’re rich. And they are people, right?

Myrna; Right, Rich people are rich, no extra labels!

Why do you believe what you do?

Chana: Another really cool thing that comes from the auction process is a question I really like. It’s why do you believe that?

Myrna: I’m sure a lot of people that can’t answer that.

Chana: It’s shocking how much the, subconscious mind, will give you an answer to these questions.  We teach you other tools on how to take those thoughts and turn them into thoughts that support you. And then and then in the third week, we teach you financial principles and, and understandings of how, money, works so that you can really start moving more towards a positive supportive, money mindset.

Myrna: How can listeners connected with you and learn more about your 21 day challenge and, plus get a copy of your book?

Chana: My personal website is www.chanamason.com you can access my books @ Chanamason.com/books. Most of the books, are available as free downloads. I wrote a book together with my husband called “The Cash Machine.” It’s all about how to develop financial independence, but it’s a novel. It’s a love story. It’s like a really fun page turner. And we have another book about how to manifest your dreams called “The Size of Your Dreams,” which is also a novel, but also, personal growth, tools. And “Hold That Thought” that you mentioned and “In Our Voices,” are my 2 newest books. So people can go to that page and access any of those books and our, money challenge, they can access on My Courses page on my website, or they can go to www.moneymindsetmadness.com

Additional Resources

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs