Category Archives: personal development podcast

The Truth About Mental Health And Psychiatric Medications

Dr Fred Moss, psychiatrist, shares why he thinks that, psychiatric medications, is like cutting off your arm if you have a mosquito bite. In this podcast we discuss using your, true voice, to reclaim your, mental health, and why actively doing one of the creative 8 activities like creating music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, gardening, and photography can remove the need for, psychiatric medications.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11057630-the-truth-about-mental-health-and-psychiatric-medications.mp3?download=true

Bio

Dr. Fred Moss, MD is the foremost expert on delivering your True Voice into the world so that it can heal because your voice matters. Your voice can heal. Dr. Fred has been actively practicing in the, mental health, field internationally for over 40 years, and as a, psychiatrist, has been an unwavering stand for the transformation of, mindset. He is a firm believer that conversation, communication, creativity, and human connection are ultimately at the source of all healing of all conditions in all fields.

Along with being a highly successful restorative/transformational coach, his signature technology, True Voice Podcasting is for people who are ready to take their lives back by speaking their authentic message into the world. TVP is designed to guide people from all walks of life, who are ready to rediscover the confidence and courage necessary to bring their full and real humanity back into all areas of their life.

 

Communication is a mental health tool

Fr Fred: I was born to be a communicator. I was trying to bring healing and joy to the world.  My family was in a fair amount of disarray. I had two brothers 10 and 14 years older than me, I still have two brothers 10 and 14 years older than me and, I learned a lot from them about, communication. One day as a young adult my said well, you have to get a job now, and told me that so she got me an application.

I applied and got the job. I started working with adolescent boys at a state hospital, a state, mental health, facility. I was finally getting paid to communicate. And that's all I was doing. I was communicating with these wonderful human beings who were now living in a in a state hospital and we were healing each other's, communication.

It was really fun and really a great job.  We got to take field trips and play softball and all the cool stuff that I did with these kids. The thing I didn't like, was the way, psychiatry, was treating these kids. We would call the, psychiatrist, and say Jimmy is up too late or Timmy and Tommy got in a fight.

And he would come down and after three seconds of talking to the kid and maybe six seconds talking to us, he takes out his weapon, his pen.  And he would write something in the chart. And then we'd have to go get Timmy and Tommy and hold them down while we injected them full of very high-powered sedatives to put them out of their misery and for the next 12 or 24 hours and if Timmy or Tommy didn't say another word for 24 hours, we would call that a success.

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Using psychiatric medications to sedate patients

Now, that's still happening in all the state hospitals around this country and mostly around the world too. We've not grown past that; it's still going on. I made it my business to become a, psychiatrist, at that point. I was going to become a,  psychiatrist, and bring, communication, back because that I knew that, communication, healed.  So took in a big inhale and 13 years later, I graduated from the University of Northwestern University as a as a, psychiatrist, and did my residency in Cincinnati and started being a, psychiatrist.

But in the meantime, Prozac, had been introduced to the world. Prozac, was a medication that changed the whole paradigm of, psychiatry, Biological Psychiatry, chemical imbalance.

Myrna: what's the difference between a, psychiatrist, and a psychologist?

Dr Fred: A, psychiatrist, prescribes medicine, but that's actually the last thing I wanted to do as a, psychiatrist. But now it was my typecast and it was what I was doing. Yeah, for the next 30 something years, I wrote over 100,000 medication prescriptions. I saw over 40,000 patients who call me their doctor. And it was very difficult because every time I wrote a prescription, my heart would wrench just a little or my soul would sacrifice it sometimes, not just a little sometimes later, in 2006, I finally decided that I could no longer do that.

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I started taking my patients of psychiatric medications

It was 15 years after I started. I started taking people off their diagnosis and taking them off their, psychiatric medications, and seeing how they did. Now I know that sounds kind of radical. It's kind of interesting that we're more concerned about taking people off of medicine than giving it to them.

Myrna: It's the society, right? It's life. Why did you become radical?

Dr Fred: I was radical. I took away stuff that was making them worse until they got better. Then I started becoming a healer. I call it my, true voice, moment. When I really started becoming a healer, I was no longer just a doctor, but a healer. And I began communicating with all my patients a little bit more and a little bit more. Until I really knew that I was back to being little Freddie who was pretty sure that, communication, and connection was the point here on Earth.

And over the last 15 years since 2006, I've really been just edging myself forward to being a stand for, communication, and connection and my practice has evolved over time, I've done work all over the world. A lot of, telepsychiatry, and a lot of utilization review, and I've been in every single corner of American, psychiatry, usually as a leader and really attempting sometimes without much success to inject, communication, as the core source of all healing.

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Communication with podcasting

Telepsychiatry, a subset of telemedicine, can involve providing a range of services including, psychiatric, evaluations, therapy (individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy), patient education and medication management. Telepsychiatry, can involve direct interaction between a psychiatrist and the patient.

Eventually I set up Welcome to humanity.

Welcome to humanity is my brand name. That's where you'll find me is the www.welcometohumanity.net that's what my main website is and it's self-explanatory. It just says all of the experiences that we're having as humans are to be embraced, including the ones that are miserable and painful. Now I'm actually a restorative transformational coach, and I'm a podcast teacher and I'm an expert speaker and a podcast guest. I have my own podcast and I am so finely aligned with who I really came here to be again after 50 years of trying out some other stuff.

Myrna: Well, that's amazing. Number one that you felt that you knew that you wanted to communicate, in kindergarten, I guess because you had older brothers.  So why did your mom get you a job in the, mental health, field? Did you do some work with, mental health, in college?

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Podbean

Starting in the mental health field was coincidence

Dr Fred: You know, it was easy enough to get a job in the, mental health, field. My mom was already a social worker. She didn't quite give me the job. She got me an application at Fairlawn Center, which was a state, mental health, facility, a civil service job.

Myrna: Well, that's amazing because that's usually how if you're able to be on purpose, that's how God directs you. Okay, the second question that I have here is, so when you decided to take your patients off of, psychiatric  medications, and you said it taught them to communicate.  Are you saying that let's say that someone is on, Prozac, because, Prozac, settles them down. Are you saying that if people really heard them and listened to them, they won’t need these, psychiatric medications? Where are you coming from with that?

Dr Fred: That's an important question. So, the first thing I want to say to all the listeners is if you have found something that works and it has to do with, psychiatric medications, and your diagnosis, by all means, please don't switch. Okay. I mean, we've got something that's really working, I'm not telling you to switch. So, let's make that really clear. This is for people who really know that they're not living their ultimate optimal life.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

Prozac controls your emotions by stopping feelings

When I took my patients off their, Prozac, or the medications like that, what would happen is they would find themselves again coming in touch with their own feelings, coming in touch with their own emotions in ways that have been muted over the years. When they got in touch with themselves, we could learn that they didn't even have a diagnosis in the first place and in many cases the, psychiatric medications, and the treatment were really perpetuating the actual symptoms they were marketed to treat.

So, you know, that when you start really looking at that, and we pull people off of their diagnosis, because now I can't just pull people off their, psychiatric medications, the medicine is not the problem. It's the idea that we all think there's something wrong with us. And then we get confirmation that there's something wrong with us and then we need so called, psychiatric medications. The truth is, there's nothing wrong with you, you're making it through the world like any of us and you're just as confused. At times are fearful and other times anxious or depressed.

You make mistakes, you hurt people or something, that's called being human. You know, people are like, oh, no, I have a diagnosis. It's interesting a, psychiatrist, can't get paid unless he gives you a diagnosis. Right? If he writes no diagnosis, he won't get paid. So, there's a major incentive to diagnose every single person who comes into their office number one.

Number two, it's also the only field in all medicine where if you come into the office thinking there, there might be something wrong with you and the doctor says that there's nothing wrong with you. Then you get upset. If you had gone to the heart doctor, and he says you're okay, would you get mad at him?

Myrna: Of course not.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Psychiatrists write prescriptions to control diagnoses

Dr Fred: When we get a diagnosis, it helps us relinquish responsibility for the parts of our life that we don't like. But if we can blame that on, ADHD, or, social phobia, or, post-traumatic stress disorder, or, major depression, or, bipolar disorder, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, narcissistic personalities, etc. The experiences you're having in life isn't like get over it. No, I'm not saying that. What I am saying is embrace it as part of being you and this human condition. And don't think of it as a deficiency or a sickness.

Myrna: I understand people like to feel good. And these conditions don't make you feel good. I don't know about, ADHD, but all the other ones you don't feel good. So, you want some kind of beta blocker or something to block the symptoms if you're not feeling good. It's not what you say these, medications, do. But I wanted to get to the point where you're saying that they can talk it out.

Dr Fred: Well, inside of, communication, what we really are talking about therapy.  Therapy also presumes that there's something wrong with a patient. Okay? Well, what this is really about is connection. So, it isn't really about just talking it out. It's about connecting with another person at whatever level that takes resonating with another person or with your experience.

Myrna: Can they connect that way to their psychiatrists, or we're just telling them to talk to anybody to connect with anybody?

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Psychiatry has a power gradient

Dr Fred: The deal with, psychiatry, is that there's a power gradient, there's this idea that the, psychiatrist, is okay and you're not, right. That's actually not true. We're both not okay. When we look across the table at each other and see our actual humanity, that's where healing starts. When there is a gradient, psychiatry, if you're a patient down there, this perpetuates an ongoing experience of there being something wrong with the patient.

Myrna: Okay, so that's actually good, because if you walk into the room thinking that there's something wrong with you and you need help that’s is what you expect. Tell us about healing through creativity and self-expression and the, creative mindset.

Dr Fred: One of the things is that none of us really seek out being uncomfortable. We're looking to be comfortable. However, we are so addicted to this idea of comfort being normal we think being uncomfortable is abnormal. The truth is, being uncomfortable is totally normal. This is a really crazy world out there. And not only that humanity is an uncomfortable experience. What I noticed in when writing the book, The Creative 8 Mindset, was that when we're creating our, mindset, shifts.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Healing using the creative 8 mindset

When we are creating music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, gardening, these are all things that when we're creating, they really work to decrease that negative symptomology. While we're doing any of those creative things, the negative experiences dissolve and disappear. So, with the, creativity, this is different than if you're listening to music, I want you to be making music. It's different than if you're at an art museum, or looking at a beautiful piece of art. I want you to actually be making art. It's just like if you're watching Dancing with the Stars, or if you're actually dancing.

So, the, creative 8 mindset, reminds us that we are here to be creators. So, I invite people to really do that creative eight, exercise which is finding three of those things, art, music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, and gardening and doing them each day even for just one minute. And really noticing how positive experiences can evolve simply by becoming creative.

Now ultimately, there was a couple more I added on photography and cleaning. And then there's the trump card if you will, and the trump card is to help anybody do anything. When we're helping other people do things, it's also an amazing experience of having our own concern about ourselves disappear as we become service oriented. And that's just another way to use the, creative 8 mindset, to our benefit.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Finding your true voice for mental health

Myrna: How does finding our, true voice, connect to the, creative 8, mindset?

Dr Fred: If you're already on medicine, it's actually really hard to do that. Because medicine can really stifle and smother creativity. The, psychopharmacological medications, do not expand the, creativity, in any way shape. The, psychiatric medications, often perpetuates a condition to remind you treat and it isn't a matter of you do get to come off medicine, it's a matter of that's a good way to manage your life. If you want to come off medicine, the best way to go for that it's going to be to start connecting with people.

Right now, you know, still help others still be creative, still be loving and still be accepting and compassionate and friendly and kind and all those things. Can you do that even in the face of a world that's looking like it's spiraling out of control?

Myrna: So how does using your voice help, mental illness?

Dr Fred: I don't know anything else that's gonna help with, mental illness, except using our voice actually. And the truth is, we think that taking medicine is going to help and really in the end, once you're diagnosed with whatever condition you have, and you're started on, psychiatric medications, the medication is frequently designed or at least, achieves the goal of perpetuating a symptom of market intention.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Getting off psychiatric medications

So, you're on that, psychiatric medication, for good. Very few people come off, psychiatric medications, when you first start medicine, you think if it's not going to work, well just stop it, but it's not really true. It's not going to work,  we're going to change it or we're going to increase it or we're going to add another medicine. Doctors are not even trained not to take you off, psychiatric medications. And when I started taking people off medicine people were like, you’re doing what?

Myrna: I'm sure your patients were happy with that.

Dr Fred: Well, some of them were scared, because they knew that people get sick again. They're like, I don't want to come off. Here's the other thing, these, psychiatric medications, are built so that when you do come off of them, at least for a short period of time, you get an actual spike of the symptoms that were there in the beginning. And it has you thinking that you have returned, but in fact, it's not you that returned. It's a function of coming off of these medicines. They're built that way.

Myrna: So how does your, true voice, help you with, mental illness? One of the things that, Prozac, does is, is keep you calm, right? Can using your, true voice, keep you calm?

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

Using psychiatric medications is like cutting off your arm because of a mosquito bite

Dr Fred: That's not what I'm saying. Let’s say you are a mosquito bite doctor and I had a really bad mosquito bite on my on my elbow. For three weeks I've been trying to get rid of it. It gets bigger, it's painful. It wakes me up at night itching, itching, and I finally decide I'm gonna go to a mosquito bite specialist. So, I find you in the yellow pages, and I go into your office and you're like, Yeah, I've seen something like this before, and we can cure it. Oh, good. That's why it came to you. You know, it's only going to hurt for a minute you tell me. Okay, let's do it. We're going to cut off your arm at the shoulder.

Myrna: Oh, wow. That's drastic.

Dr Fred: If we say okay, and then you've cut off my arm. Then the next time I come to see you, when we look for that mosquito bite on that elbow, it won't be there.

Myrna; No, because you don't have an arm.

Dr Fred: If all I'm looking at is do is cure the mosquito bite then cutting off your arm at the shoulder was a cure for that mosquito bite.

That what, psychiatric medications, do. It totally wipes you out. It blunts you out. And it's not just, Prozac. These, psychiatric medications, do a lot more than just fix the mosquito bite,  by taking away your capacity to have proper feelings, it feels like it's curing you, but it's not really curing you. It's taking away your capacity to have proper feelings, including that one.

Myrna: Wow, what a powerful visual you presented.  I get it.

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Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Psychiatric medications blunt all feelings

Dr: Fred: And that's what we're really talking about here. Now, again, to our listeners. If you have been going far and wide and it found a combination of, psychiatric medications, that works for you and your, mental health, improves considerably, stick with it. By the way, I don't use the phrase, mental illness, anymore. I don't think there is such a thing as, mental illness.

There's definitely such thing as mental discomfort, mental misery, mental pain, for sure. But illness suggests that you're sick and I don't think that you're sick, you're only experiencing an unpleasant part of life. Now when we started looking at that, then in, true voice, actually voicing your real self, it's amazing how healing can happen immediately.

I chose, podcasting, to be the avenue for that because you can say your, true voice, right here on a podcast. It's one of the last remaining spaces on the planet where you can actually say your, true voice. You can't do it on social media, obviously, you can't do it. You know, in most cases, you can't go to like a concert and do it. You can't have an auditorium full of people to speak your, true voice, anymore. So, your, true voice, is being taken away from you.

True voice, is a way when you resonate with another person and truly, honestly authentically connect with another person. It's amazing what that does instantly for your, mental health. Even if you haven't connected with anyone in a long time when you do connect. It's amazing what healing takes place way better than any, psychiatric medications, I've ever written. And like I said, I've written prescriptions for over 100,000, psychiatric medications.

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

True Voice podcasting contributes to your mental health

Myrna: Well, explain it a little bit. What happens when they come on your podcast and talk about their, true voice?

Dr Fred: The, true voice, podcasting is not a podcast, it's actually a course that I teach so that people who want to express their, true voice, will learn that they can do that best through, podcasting. We spend the first half of the course of a 13-week course really honing on people to get in touch and rediscovering their, true voice, authenticity. And in that authenticity, really exploring what they love.

In your case, you've got, mindset, somewhere along the line, mindset, became part of your, true voice. When you start doing it, you can wake up every single day like who am I going to talk to you today about, mindset. And there's something that drives you forward inside of your commitment to learning more and to teach you more about, mindset.

So other people they're gonna come up with whatever they come up with. Maybe some of them will come up with really big ones like, climate change or racism or sex trafficking, and maybe others will come up with seemingly smaller ones like petunias in Arkansas or something.

Book The Creative 8
Book The Creative 8

Conclusion

It's fine, whatever. Your Podcast theme is. We then walk you through your authenticity into a world of a maximum podcast creation and production. I have a couple of teammates who co-lead with me and we take people from zero to podcaster in three months, and then dive in really learn how this method works if you go to www.findyourtruevoicebook.com And you go in there and then I will send you a copy of the book for free.  If you go to www.welcometohumanity.net you will find information about my true voice podcasting course. Check out my book:  The Creative 8  on Amazon

Additional Resources 

Entrepreneurship: Tips for Women Battling Mental Illness

 

 

 

Listen To Your Heart It Reveals Your Purpose

One way to find your, purpose, is to notice what makes you, weep, or angry.  Because that is your, heart, responding to what’s on the outside that is linked to something on your inside.  For example, do you, weep, when you hear a child has been abused or a dog left outside in the heat without any water? Then maybe God wanted you to do something about this and that is why he pre-wired you to care.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11044600-listen-to-your-heart-it-reveals-your-purpose.mp3?download=true

Nehemiah wept for days

We see an example of this in the, bible story, of, Nehemiah. Nehemiah, asked his brother a simple question. “How are the, Jews, finding being back home after being in captivity”

Nehemiah, brother replied “Not good. They are in trouble and disgrace because the, walls of Jerusalem, have been torn down and the gates destroyed by fire.”

When, Nehemiah, heard this, he wept for days until he felt compelled to do something about it. At the time he was not a rich man, a man of influence, or had any other qualifications to rebuild a wall; he was the Kings cup bearer.  But that did not stop him from asking God to make the King favorable to his request to rebuild the, walls of Jerusalem.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Nehemiah found his purpose

Nehemiah, had this immense calling to do something, it made him sad because he really didn’t think he could actually do anything about it.  Remember he was not rich; he did not have any influence or so he thought. While serving the king wine one day, the King noticed he was sad and asked him why.

Nehemiah, replied “I am sad because the city where my ancestors are buried is in ruins.” The king asked “How can I help you?” What a strange response from a King. This is because, Nehemiah, had already petitioned God to go before him and soften the, heart, of the king.

So, Nehemiah, responded “Send me to Judah to rebuild the city where my ancestors are buried.”

The King responded “How long will you be gone?”

Again no pushback, the King did not even ask, Nehemiah, how he plans on accomplishing this task. He just said just let me know how long you will be gone!

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Stacey Abrams: A present day Nehemiah

How many of you felt angry or sad at things happening around you, but felt you could do nothing about it because you are a nobody without money or influence?  I have heard lots of present-day, Nehemiah, stories of men and women tackling huge issues and building a movement. The first one that comes to mind is, Stacey Abrams, in, Georgia.

Stacey did not win her groundbreaking 2018 campaign for governor, but she did not quit. She got right back to work because she understood that she didn’t need the title of governor to make a difference in the lives of Georgians.

But let’s unpack our Nehemiah story. The truly amazing thing about this story is that he completed the wall in 52 days. He, organized, what the enemy called poor feeble, Jews, to work together. Everybody did a little bit. I think today we call this, grassroots organizing, or, boots on the ground, and he did it without technology. No telephones, no internet!

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

How to Find Your Purpose

Why was he so successful, because it was his, purpose.  It was his, soul’s purpose, and that is why the, organizing, forces in the universe came together to make it happen. How did, Nehemiah, find his, purpose? He wept for days when he heard that his people were living in shame and his, heart, told him he should do something about it.

In a similar way, your, purpose, has a way of finding you.  It could jump off the page of a book you are reading, you could hear a term and like, Lifecoach, and know that is what you are supposed to do. Are you trying to find your, purpose in life? Reflect on what elicits emotion from you. Listen to your, heart.  It will direct you to your, purpose.

Nehemiah, built a wall, what can you build? Can you build a community center for the youths in your community, so they can get off the streets? Can you build a school in your village, so the kids can get an education? Can you build wells in third world countries, so that poor people can drink clean water?

Conclusion

Whatever is causing you pain, you can do something about it. You are, limitless, you only need the, desire; the, organizing, power of the universe will do the rest.

This is 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I hope that you are on, purpose, and if not,  you must learn to listen to your, heart, to find your, soul's purpose. Join my Facebook group Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week.

Additional Resources 

Your Pain Reveals Your Purpose

How to Replace Bad Habits With Success Habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur and TEDx speaker. This blog is about replacing your, bad habits, with, success habits, thereby  transforming your life.

Habits, are very important. We always say that, it takes 21 days to form a, bad habit, but now some people are actually challenging that. They're saying it takes about three months or 90 days to form a, habit.

Whatever we do on a consistent basis, it forms a, habit,  regardless it is a, bad habit, or, success habit. So, today we're talking about transforming our lives through, success habits, and replacing the, bad habits. The, habit, that we're trying to develop is the, success habit, that leads to  happiness.

Success habits, generally increase your happiness.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Bio and Introduction Bad Habits

Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, TedX speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. After exiting his delivery startup for $323 million in 2019, Will confirmed what he’d spent the past 25 years researching: True happiness isn’t about money, power, or fame;  it’s about figuring out what makes you happy and taking consistent action on those things every single day.

To do this, Will has thrown out the book on traditional, self-improvement, creating instead a unique system that reduces friction by combining the latest in science and technology with, success habits, and universal principles: gamifying the process and building momentum. Will's company, Moore Momentum, is addressing the “Social Dilemma.” and helping people hold themselves accountable by taking the necessary action to replace their, bad habits,  with, success habits.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

5 core areas to build Success Habits

  • Mindset,
  • Career & Finances;
  • Relationships,
  • Physical Health,
  • Emotional Health
  • Giving Back.

Moore Momentum is committed to helping people fire on all cylinders on their way to becoming an unstoppable force, so they can then pay it forward to help the world do the same!

Myrna: Awesome bio. It sounds that you're very successful. It's everybody's dream to have an exit strategy that makes them several million dollars especially 323 million so that is a great foundation. So, what you are doing with More Momentum? Can you tell us how you got into this journey? Understanding that happiness does not come from fame or it does not come from money or it doesn't come from power as everybody seems to think.

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Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Understanding Where Happiness Lies

Will: My mom was an alcoholic. She was verbally and physically abusive. My parents divorced early, we moved around a lot. I just never really fit in and I just kind of got to a point where I was basically suicidal in college. Serendipitously one of my professors introduced me to a book, “How to Friends and Influence People” by Mr. Dale Carnegie. It sort of changed my mindset and started to shift me towards what I call a growth owner mindset.

Myrna: I read that book.  I found it very difficult to understand but it is a  classic.

Will: I've read it so many times. It was written back in the 40s some 70 years ago, and still  it still stands today which is to me is a testament of the universal principles. These Universal principles in life,  if you follow them, if you abide by them, if you lead your life by them and build your, habits, around them, you're going to succeed.

You're not going to be happy if you ignore them or try to cheat the system. You're going to struggle, so that sort of opened up my mind to the principle of friends.

It's not about you, give to other people if you want to have more friends than you can handle.

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How to Win Friends

I just took that to heart. I started to shift and I started taking all the poor me victim stuff self talk which was a , bad habit, and started asking people questions about themselves.  It was like my own human science experiment.  I started taking notes, seeing what worked and what didn't. I noticed people responded well when you took interest in them.

I started making, friends, and was becoming more popular.  People actually started liking me, compared to what was constantly being played in my head, “I'm a loser nobody likes me.”

That just started my, success habits,  journey, and I never stopped. I became an insatiable, self-help, beast. I was reading book after book on, self-improvement.”  All the books that I could get my hands on including “Think and Grow Rich”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, etc.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

My #1 Success Habits was reading Self Help Books

I started to live this more holistic type of lifestyle, I call it  ‘firing on all cylinders’. When you start to develop these, habits, you're building momentum and creating, success habits, in each of the 5 core areas.  People around you can feel your momentum and your energy. When we sold our solar business in 2019 for a combined 321 million, I had enough money where I could say, okay I don't technically have to work anymore I can concentrate on building my, success habits.

Myrna: I started my spiritual journey with Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari”. I understand what you're talking about.

How did you transition to understanding, bad habits, and, success habits? You started off with, “How to win friends and influence people”, How did you combine that into, habits?

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Changing your Bad Habits into Success Habits

Will: Success habits, were not as integral and central as they are now for me, as I got deeper into, self improvement, I started identifying my, bad habits. I call them, failure habits, and replacing them with, success habits; but I wasn't doing it  consciously.

I didn't need to shine a spotlight on all my, bad habits, that was causing me, negative momentum, in each of my five core areas.  I just decided to replace my, bad habits, with, success habits.   The book that brought my, bad habits, home was  “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I read several years ago.

It all comes down to your, habits. You are your, habits. We run on autopilot 90% of the time and we're just doing the things that we have done repeatedly, whether they're good or bad and here's the kicker, habits, don't care if they're helping or hurting you. We are all creatures of, habit.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Your Bad Habits are automatic

Myrna: I go on autopilot mode almost every time I drive so I know what you taking about. I'll be meaning to go someplace different, next thing I end up at the place where I wasn't supposed to go.

Will: That's a perfect example, where your brain is trying to conserve energy. A lot of people have no idea that our brain finds the safest route. To start replacing a, bad habit, find a replacement, success habit.

Myrna: You discovered the, success habits, and the, bad habits, and then you just made it integral to your More Momentum training. Now, let's get to the Seven the Habits of Successful People. You mentioned that you read the book it was written by Stephen R. Covey and it's called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Seven Habits of Highly Successful People

Will: One of the things that people do is they get caught up in thinking that certain, habits, are going to lead to the promised land.  These seven habits is the formula for being happy, because your belief system plus your repeated actions plus time equals who you will become.

  • Habit 1: Be Proactive
  • Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
  • Habit 3: Put First Things First
  • Habit 4: Think Win-Win
  • Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
  • Habit 6: Synergize
  • Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

The Book the Secret  had the answer to the universe, but they didn't  have the action part of it. It's like you can't just think about what you want. You got to actually take action, you have to build your, success habits.

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Action is the way to build your Success Habits

Myrna: I love it, you mean you can't just put a picture on your vision board and then 10 years later you manifest it?

Will: Right. That's right exactly. I had a, vision board. I  still do sitting right here.  You have to take consistent action to manifest your vision.

You have go to tell yourself, I got everything within me to kick ass. It's only a matter of time. Obstacles are temporary roadblocks and every step of the way, I'm going to fail forward and I'm going to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, on my way to becoming this unstoppable force. That's the attitude you got to have, and it doesn't come easily.

It doesn't come overnight and that's why the compounding part – your belief system plus your repeated actions or, habits, plus time equals who you become.  Those actions start becoming, habits, and they turn into things that are actually automatically building your, momentum, along the way versus hurting it. That's how you become the person that you want to be.

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The Mindset of Success Habits

Myrna: What are some, success habits, that we can start doing? Not necessarily talk about the failure or bad habits yet, give us a couple of success habits that you have discovered.

Will:  Your, mindset, is essentially the thoughts that are going through your head Some people have the, bad habit, of talking baldly to themselves about themselves. They say things like

  • You are not good enough
  • I will never be anybody
  • People don't like me
  • They have a victim mindset that says people are always out to get them.
  • Some tell themselves things like I was born this way, there is nothing I can do about it

We have to have the, mindset, that that says, you can't succeed without failing. If you've got a good, mindset, going everything else becomes incrementally easier.

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The Habit of Transforming your Mind

Myrna: I agree with that. That's why this show is called “transform your mind to transform your life” because your mind is the first place to start, human transformation.

Will: For your career and finances, I'd say very first thing you should do is figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then start focusing on the things you’re good at and make that part of your daily routine. You're moving that stuff forward and then peripherally the other things that need to be done will get done.

 I'd say the top, habit, for that goes back to Mr. Dale Carnegie – “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, is just make other people feel special.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

The Habit of Making People Feel Special

Whether it's your significant other, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, or acquaintances:

  • Remember names,
  • Remember details about people,
  • Be genuinely interested in what they're saying (you may have to fake it at first, because we're all selfish egotistical creatures by nature) but what happens is you actually start to see that they respond to you. They're interested in you, that becomes addictive and then you do become more genuinely interested in them.

It's this feedback success loop thing you get into and it's magical and it just propels your life because, you can't go through life on your own, you got to have other people.

For physical health, I'd say the top, success habits, are:

  • There's your sleep,
  • Watch your nutrition
  • Movement, there's your exercising.
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Podbean

Success Habits for Emotional Health

The final tip I would give for the final core emotional health and giving back, I'll give two tips because they're kind of slightly different things. For the, emotional health, part the question is

  •  Are you living a life full of passion, purpose?
  • Do you actually enjoy the ride or are you just constantly like looking down scratching off to do's”, trying to just get through the day?”
  • The, habit, of enjoying life and  expressing your passion is important.

I would also say proactively making a list of the things that you love and then making sure that you're incorporating them into your life regularly is a great, success habit. Whether it's doing a sport or whether it's creativity if you're an artist, you like to paint, and you haven't painted in 10 years.   Use technology and sign up for class or get a buddy that you can paint with.

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Erase Bad Habits with a regular routine

Get it into your regular routine because again it's a, habit, like anything else, and if you start doing it then all of a sudden you're doing it, you don't even have time for the, bad habits, to get an opening. With a regular routine thoughts like “Oh, I don't have time for this” or  “Oh, I have conflicting schedules”  A daily schedule starts to improve your life, because you're incorporating more of the things that you love and are passionate about.

The last, success habit,  is “giving back”. I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning. I've memorized it.  I focus on all the things that I want in life and then at the end of it, I talk about what I'm grateful for. So, I get this feeling of  “Oh, man I'm so lucky and it just boosts me up and rocket propels me into the day because I start happy and excited.

Myrna: I love that. That was a good idea to give a, success habit, from each of your five core areas of life. So as we wrap up, so tell our listeners more about your business – More Momentum. How they can get in contact with you and what exactly is your program.

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Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

Moore Momentum Training

Will:   https://mooremomentum.com is the website. There's a “see the Momentum Movement” tab at the top and you can sign up. I’ve got a weekly blog and newsletter that I do at the top. There's also the social media buttons (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter)  My Instagram page is  @willmoremomentum. I post viral videos of stuff and I'm trying to make it fun by gamifying the experience. I'm helping people trick their brain into wanting to watch the stuff that's good for them.

I've got the App that's coming up so I super excited.  I think I mentioned briefly earlier, the App it's going to just take everything I've been doing over the last 25 years and culminate it into one device where you can stop your, bad habits, in these five core places and replace them with, success habits.

In the game, you're a rocket ship. You've got your five core cylinders of your engine in order to fly up to the moon and break earth's gravitational pull. You got to get enough momentum to get off the ground by stopping those, bad habits, and replacing them with, success habits, one step at a time. I make sure I take it through very slowly. Remember the law of compounding – if you rush into it, you try to change everything at once. It'll never work then all of a sudden you're flying off to different planets and universes and solar systems and you're meeting aliens along the way.

You're getting universal principles and tips flying through asteroid fields building up your armor and becoming an unstoppable force.

It's super exciting. You can sign up on my website for that as well. If you click on the App, it'll say “be notified when the App is Available.”

Conclusion

Myrna: I absolutely love it. Wow, so that's great not only for adults but for children teaching them that they can do anything. If they want to get to the moon or to get to the top of their goals. Whether it's a, success habit, or a, bad habit, you just keep doing it. It's actually pretty good to replace those, failure habits, and make them into, success habits, so you can do it.

If you found this blog and podcast inspirational, please subscribe, rate and review The Transform Your Mind Podcast on iTunes. Leave your comments below if you have, bad habits, that you need to change into, success habits.

Additional Resources

https://www.denierob.com/blog/5-key-takeaways-from-the-power-of-now

 

 

Life Lessons From An Abandoned Girl

Jannette Blair, author of “The Tears Behind my Smile” shares, life lessons, she learned  from her long-life journey of an, abandoned,  girl and then an, abused woman, who faced challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers.

Download the podcast here: 

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Life lessons from abandonment

The book, The Tears Behind my Smile is a long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl who faces challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers. It is not an autobiography with an ordinary beginning and a predictable ending; instead, the book depicts a series of emotions occurring in the author's life and how she alters herself from a self-pitying girl into a strong, resilient woman. It will enlighten the readers on not to depend on anyone and become the superhero in their own story. Jannette shares the, life lessons, she learned along the way

Myrna: Janette, please give us some context of your, life story,  and the, life lessons, you learned along the way of the, abandoned, girl becoming a superhero. Fill us in on the, story of your life. .

Jannette: I was born in Jamaica, and just a little it's a small community in one of the smaller parishes. And while growing up, I didn't know a mother. I was always wondering, who is my mother? Where's my mother and why have I not seen one? And so, it was it was a hard life. I went through where I had tons of step mothers, who was not really mothering material at all.

While growing up I was the, abandoned, girl. I was not allowed a certain person's house because this man had a beef going with my father; they had a fight and he decided, okay, this child can never step foot into my house and this child will never eat food from my house. And so, there was a time when my sisters would hide food around the house to feed me and I'm talking when I was a baby. I would stay outside the gate, just looking at all the others children playing, but I couldn't play with them.

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I felt like nobody's kid abandoned by my mother

I was like I was nobody’s kid. The, abandoned, kid that nobody wanted. I remember one day getting a small cup of tea and a piece of bread. And I looked around and this man was coming. And he said if you put that bread to your mouth, I am going to slap you.  I was so afraid so I just stood there shaking. He came over he took the cup and bread from me and poured the tea on the ground.  Now I am fighting fears, I can’t even cry because I would get a whipping. one of my, life lessons, was not to cry when you are hurt.

After that my father brought in a woman to help look after me. And she was even worse. She hated me.  I remember one night this lady that was supposed to be taking care of me lit my favorite dress on fire out of spite.

Myrna: That is an amazing story of cruelty to a child. I'm understanding is that your dad was looking after you and you didn't have a mom and we know that women or men or whoever is the step child is you have the Cinderella story where they don't want to treat the other person's child well.  It’s a common occurrence in the Caribbean.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

That behavior is not that prevalent in North America because you always hear about these blended families. The father has four kids and he married a woman with four kids and they live like the Brady Bunch. So, I understand the women treating you badly. But I don't understand this guy that was so cruel to you that didn't want you to eat at this house.  Who was that person? Do you remember who that was? What was the, life lessons, you learnt from this event?

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Life Lessons from growing up without a mom

Jannette: Yes, until this very day, I still don't go close to him and he's still alive. That guy was the stepfather of my sibling. And so, what had happened? So, I became the fat that he used to fry my father. And he transferred the grudge against my dad on me.

Myrna: I hope he's suffering today because you know all that bad karma. Why would you hate a small child?  That is that is a despicable thing to do. I don’t even understand the woman who was supposed to be your mother and set your dress on fire, because she wanted to hurt you. Wow. Now I'm very interested to hear how you transitioned from this cruelty into adulthood. Did you ever find your mom?

Jannette: Yeah, she didn't want me. So, it's not like I didn't have a mother. She didn't want me, she, abandoned, me. She was mad at my dad for not marrying her. And so, when her mom heard that my dad refused to marry her, her mom came and took her and my other siblings, they left me.  I was the fourth child but at that time she had five children. So, she took the others and left me.

After going through so many different step mothers, I finally found one who was good to me and she was murdered in front of me when I was 15.

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I witnessed my step mom being murdered

Myrna: Oh, my goodness, your story keeps getting worse. What happened?

Jannette: They came knocking on the door one evening and I told her not to open the door because we had a blackout that evening and there was no light. So, she didn't open the door. But they used someone who she knew to come and knock on the door saying hey, I need your help. But something within me was saying something's wrong. They fired one shot through the window and the bullet hit her in her mouth and she was died at my feet.

Myrna: Wow, what was the reason?

Jannette: She had a witnessed a robbery and so she could have identified them, so they killed her.

Myrna: Wow. All right, yes this is Jamaica for you. How did these, life lessons, help you to transition to becoming a superhero in your life?

Jannette: When I was born, I think I lived a rough life, I also think life was hard throughout my entire life.  But I was able to put the pieces together and laugh about stuff. And when I was told by my mother that I would not become anything, I said no I can't believe that person.

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iHeart Radio

My mother told me I would never amount to anything

I asked my mother to help me with school and she said, you will not become anything, so I will not spend my money on you. So, I had to pick myself up and ask one of her sisters if I could move in with her. She said, yes. She took me with her to her job while she was working, and I was the one doing most of the work, but I didn't care. Because I saw a shining light. I see your brighter days ahead. Plus, I'm no longer in this house with my mother.  Yes, another of, life lessons, was that you had to work if you wanted to be successful in life. I have to work; but it was a better aim for me to get to what I want to become. I came to America in the year 2000.

Myrna: Was life better for you in America?

Jannette: Yeah, it was better, I was working. I met a guy and at first, I thought, oh, I'm not going to get into a relationship. By this time, I'd had a daughter.  I dated this guy for almost two years. I was traveling, I went to Indiana. I spent a year and four months there. I went back to Jamaica. And then I came back and I went to Mississippi and I spend maybe six weeks in Mississippi. It was not for me

Mississippi Biloxi, I experienced people walking around with signs that says no blacks allowed.

Myrna: Right? Okay. Yes, down south. So, what happened to this guy?

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Abandoned girls become abused women

Jannette: Okay, he sent me a ticket to come to Las Vegas and I visit Las Vegas. I decided to stay and got a job within the first week. But then as my luck would have it, my work permit expired so I couldn’t work.
So, now I can no longer work.  And he did a 360 switch. I can't work and I don't have any money coming in. I needed to get married, I need papers, blah, blah, blah. You knew that I couldn't stay in the country without proper papers.

So, he said, okay, let's do this. I really don't want to lose you. So, let's just get married and get your Green Card, but that was not true. Because we got married, I think it was October 28 2001 and by Thanksgiving one month later, I was beaten and kicked out of the apartment that I paid for. I was taken to the hospital and then I ended up in a shelter for domestic violence. The, life lesson, here is than men want you to be dependent on them.

Myrna: My goodness. All right. I can't wait to hear the end of this story. You're still in America. So, what happened?

Jannette: So, there was a restraining order filed against him. Of course, I don't have my, Green Card, and my husband started calling me because he wanted me to drop the charges. He's promising me everything that he never did before. I tried to drop the domestic abuse case, but after the OJay Simpson case, they didn't allow me to drop the case. So, the domestic violence case went to court and my husband had to go to anger management class for a few months and he was mad about that. So now he's not hitting me anymore. But the abuse turned to verbal and emotional abuse.

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Deciding to stay married with abuse

Myrna: So, you guys got back together. You're still married?

Jannette: Right. Because I needed this paperwork, my, Green Card. So, when the, abuse, wasn't physical anymore, it became mental. And so, I have to talk myself through days and nights. I had a childhood friend; I would call her every day, every night. There wasn't a day that I didn't cry, a night that I didn't cry. My husband was just ruthless.

But fast forward to everything else, I was able to get my, Green Card. I stuck it out. I became silent to everything that was going on. It didn't have a say in much of what was going on. I learned to drive because I couldn't drive and I had to pay to learn to drive, he refused to teach me. One day after I learnt to drive, I was taking the bus to work so I asked if I could drive one of his cars. He had 2 cars, and he wanted to charge me to use his car.

Myrna: Wow. I can see why your book is called Tears Behind My Smile! So, yeah, that is an amazing story. What made you decide to write the book?  You've gone through these horrible things, you were born into that situation with your mom and dad, then you went into, abusive relationships, but you know something in life that's basically how it happens. You know what I mean? When you are not nurtured as a child, for some reason we also get into these, abusive relationships, as an adult.

Book Tears Behind My Smile
Book: Tears Behind My Smile

Writing the book Tears behind my smile

Your husband was obviously a, narcissist. And you attracted him, narcissists, are attracted to people that they think they can abuse.  He chose you.

Jannette: One of the reasons I wanted to write the book, I know that I am not alone in this. I am not the only person going through what I was going through. And for me if I can help someone to say, don't take your life, because sometimes people kill themselves because they were going through certain abuse and they don’t know where to turn. And I said, if I can help somebody to let them know, hey, you’re not alone, you're stronger than you think you really are. Now, so get up, pick yourself up.

Myrna: So, in the book do you give women some advice of what you did in order to in order to stick with this horrible situation? Because the marriage has a purpose?

Jannette: Yes, and I tell them to turn to God. With all that was going you have to hang on to Jesus. Because most of the time, you have no one else. Believe in God and yes, he will help get you through.

Additional Resources

How to Heal the Mother Wound From Your Childhood

 

Building Relationships With Relational Mindfulness

Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10971762-building-relationships-with-relational-mindfulness.mp3?download=true

Bio

Shari Foos is a Marriage and Family Therapist, adjunct professor and the creator of The Narrative Method, a California 501c3 non-profit organization. Part of the Human Connection movement, TNM creates programs, products and experiences that address the growing isolation and need for real connection through sharing stories. Foos also co-founded the Bridge in 1999, a free humanities program for low-income adults at Antioch University Los Angeles. She received a MS in Narrative Medicine from Columbia University and a MA in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles.

As a sought-after expert on the subject of, relationships, remote group dynamics and meaningful connection, her writing and commentary have appeared in a range of online and print publications and podcasts, including Real SimpleHuffington Post, Women’s Health, KBLA, Fatherly, Thrive Global, Shondaland, The LA Weekly, Sparks & Honey Culture Briefings, Sondership, Let Pleasure be The Measure, and Bustle. Ms. Foos serves on the board of the City Kids Foundation and is the recipient of the New Directions for Veterans Community Hero Award (2015) and The Antioch University Los Angeles Lifetime Achievement Award (2016).

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Childhood trauma affects our adult relationships

Shari: I do think every one of us has had, trauma, different degrees, but we certainly all know the feeling of loss or shame or humiliation, or unfair treatment etc. I think of emotions like a piano with all of the keys, we have all of them to different extents at different times. But even if we don't always use those really high notes or the low, low, low, notes, they're there and that serves as our empathy. And because of that, we can sit with someone who's going through something terrible that maybe in our day-to-day life, we've never experienced, but we can feel it in our soul because it's a human experience.

When we put ourselves aside to be truly present and available with our lovingness acceptance or non-judgment or empathy, to hear someone's story, from their perspective, not our judgment or assumptions. That person feels better. No matter what the problem is, they feel better, because without being heard, we go crazy, that is all part of, relational mindfulness.

When someone comes to you who you love, and they're really excited about something and you're so excited with them, that’s when you are aligned, right? You are, head-to-head, heart to heart. That's easy. But when somebody comes to you, with a complexity that you have a lot of feelings about whether it's addiction or someone's choice of spouse or whatever that may be. It's more difficult. And that's why we practice awareness, wonder, empathy that is called, AWE, or, relational mindfulness.

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Building relational mindfulness with AWE

Myrna: Exactly. And here's where I think it's going to lead into something else, I know you're interested in, which is, relational mindfulness.

You had a bad childhood bridge, the gap for us. How did you go from having a bad childhood to being a therapist, and a, marriage therapist? Did it have something to do with your parents’ marriage?

Shari: Well, yeah, that wasn't very good, my father was a rageaholic and it was at a time where even more so than now, there was a lack of understanding about, mental health. And so, he wouldn't seek treatment and it just wasn't in the mentality of people then. So as a result of my having a childhood in which I was wounded, and on top of that, I was never heard or seen, you know, and it's not uncommon. Lots of people grow up like that, but don't know that it could be better. So, I was fortunate in that I had friends and I would go to their houses and see like, Wait a minute. This is different from my house.

I watched Leave It to Beaver, where the father would, talk, about it in the library. Our family definitely didn't have talks.  As a result, and probably because of who I came in as into the world, I've just always been incredibly passionate about what makes people feel behave. So, I would study my father,  the sweat on his upper lip, depending on what was happening there. I knew he was about to blow, and that's when I got interested in, body language. 

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Relational mindfulness starts with reading body language

Myrna: That is excellent on so many levels. One, let's, talk, about the, talk, issue. I mean, I love that, when I'm talking to someone on the show, I can always bring in personal experience.  I read a lot of books, I listen to podcasts and watch television shows.  Just yesterday, I was watching of all things Reba, where the it was meant to be comedy, but Van was talking to Reba about her relationship with her daughter and he says, you guys do something called, talk!

And that was so funny. And that's basically what you're just saying. You went to other places and saw people actually talking and there was no talking going on in your house. So, you're right, about your, childhood trauma. Everything starts from there. In fact, I was even reading this book yesterday and it says that every child goes through some kind of emotional damage, even the ones that think they had a great, childhood.

So, talk to us now about, relational mindfulness, and how this, awareness, builds, relationships.  You know, a lot of times men has moods, and women have moods, and being aware of when they're going into a mood or something could be, relational mindfulness.

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Talking is the start of communication

Shari: Right, that's a great concept. And it's a great question. Here's again, I know it's a new word. It's gonna take a while to sink in. But that talking thing, talk, talk, whatever. When you live with someone, you don't have to consciously think whoa, his shoulders are slumped or, her bottom lip is really pouty  but there is a tremendous value in our being able to break down the, communication, the nuanced, communication, that is silent, because it's one thing that we rely on we rely on it not just for survival.

That's what lovemaking is. And that's what disconnecting is. So, here's, here's a good thing that you may do consciously or unconsciously, but you could see that the other persons in a bad mood, and then maybe it triggers you to think, Oh, great. Now I got to take care of you. You know, I have some needs too, but had you been able to, talk, to the person you both might have found out what was going on with each other? Here's the number one thing to do. It's so easy. If you need to have a serious, talk, because when we, talk, about, relational mindfulness, it's a very deliberate action.

It would be really hard to live in that 24/7 You know, but it's a state of hyper awareness. Of the impact of your words, settled communications, as well as the other person's. And the idea is you never begin a conversation like that, unless both people in this moment feel willing to be selfless and take turns listening.

And it's okay. It's gotta be okay if the persons not there. Because we know that sometimes they'll say, okay, I'll talk about something. And if your heart isn't into it, and a person is asking you to really look at it from my perspective, if there's resistance, it's not a good time to talk about it. It's okay, let's wait.  That's, relational mindfulness.

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Relational mindfulness builds deeper connections

Honestly, you could cancel out so many problems with, relational mindfulness. It's just good to hear for 20 minutes five minutes, whatever. Would you be willing to have a session of all where we're both agreeing to mutual respect, awareness, wonder and empathy, taking turns sharing our feelings and then reflecting them back to the other person.

Reflecting them back in the storyteller, making sure that they've got it right. And lovingly, of course, correcting each other, then we've got it right. Now we can move on to another point that the same person estimate or the other person can share their perspective, but constantly check in because it's a lot to put yourself aside, especially when somebody is saying things that like, you know, 10 minutes ago.

Wait a minute. I don't agree with that. So, one thing I often will do for myself is I'll keep a little pen and paper just so that I can get something off my mind. I don't even have to look at it to scribble it.

Or ask the person to stop, but everybody realizes that this is a very focused state that is difficult to maintain. There are times we maintain it for a long time, especially for meeting somebody new who may not be pushing our buttons the way our spouse does, but who out there has or has had a spouse has never felt like I've told you that a million times before.

I mean, if they had said what they thought they had said, you would have heard it. The problem is either in the delivery or the receiving, let's find out. Let's find out with the, communication.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

Awareness wonder and empathy

Myrna: That's a good point. So, you're saying when they say that I've told you a million times, they've said it in their heads but not to you?

Shari: Or the way that they're articulating it? isn't getting through to you.  A lot of times, they're saying the words but their body action is not is not conveying the message, and the receiver doesn't actually believe it.

Myrna: So that's great. But I want to circle back to something you said there where you're right sometimes is not the right time to ask somebody to talk or ask somebody to get into. I like that, you know, awareness, wonder, and, empathy. I normally work with energy, because I can feel, energy. And I know when it's not the right time because of, energy. How do you respond with that?

Shari: Well, I think there are two factors for me in terms of reading someone else. One is certain things are obvious. For instance, if someone's crying, you don't necessarily know right off the bat, why the person is crying, or if they're crying for joy or sadness. You soon see the difference. But we can misinterpret someone because of the way they think about something.

So even though I pay attention to my instincts, I always check in so you know if I see someone's upset and I feel like they want to be alone, I still want to say I don't know what's going on. I don't know if you want to, talk, about it, but I want you to know I'm here for you or I want you to know I'm so sorry I have to leave or whatever is true for you.

Myrna: I like that, because sometimes you see something and there's one and why are you bothering me? If you're saying you're just checking in, I don't know if you want to, talk, about it or not. That's good, but I'm just checking in let me know when you want to, talk, or something like that.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

What is relational mindfulness

We're touching a lot of stuff on, relational mindfulness. How would you describe, relational mindfulness?

Shari: Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective. And that's really what it is. So, the idea is, we take turns, especially if we're having a problem with each other, we've already tried both talking at the same time.

And I know, we both know, we're right, but I'm right. Okay, we've done that. And at some point, we may get to a place where we decide I'd rather communicate than be right sometimes I'd rather apologize can be right, because if you perceive that my action, or behavior, or style or subtle communication was offensive, it doesn't really matter. If that was my intention. I am sorry. I'm especially sorry, that wasn't my intention.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

How does awareness wonder and empathy deepen relationships

Myrna: How do you think that, awareness, wonder, and, empathy, deepens, relationships?  What does the science say?

Shari: Well, first of all, one thing that connects our brains is, eye contact, which we can accomplish online which is amazing. Our, eye contact, connects us, syncs our brains. And if we were in MRI machines, you will see our brains are lit up in the same place. But if our backs are to each other, first of all, we don't know what expression is on someone's face.

Maybe their faces are mean. If you're at some level of aggravation, it’s a good time to not have an, AWE, session. Take care of yourself first, run around the block, take a shower, ask for a hug if you're able, you know, but we need to do what we can do to kind of get our homeostasis back. I suggest to people this self-soothing tool that you can do any place at any time. You take your dominant hand, put it on your heart, and when you really start feeling your heartbeat, you let your hand take comfort from that and vice versa. So, it's a loop of calm. I don't know exactly how I'm going to deal with this moment.

Conclusion

Myrna: Tell us about your company The Narrative Method.

Shari: This is the organization I founded in 2014. And it is devoted to bringing together people from completely different backgrounds to connect through sharing the stories of their lives and creative experiences. So, as I mentioned earlier, we do writing groups that are for free on online and they last one hour. You write for a total of 20 minutes, you see pictures, you get prompts. You go into breakouts; you share your stories. At the end, we do this mosaic where everybody pitches in one sentence. One hour, in and out.

Nobody has writer's block. Nobody's judged, nobody's wrong. There's no mistakes possible. People have a blast with themselves, because we're really working on how to turn on your creative faucet without that voice inside that says how many.  And then the conversation groups which we do on Thursday nights are a matter of seeing compelling videos about anything.

Then getting a prompt and going into breakouts and sharing a story that just came up as a result of those things. And so, people get to know each other because there's no small talk. And it's fascinating to hear, not just another person's story, but whoa, that made you think of this? It's fascinating. It's so cool. We offer those free. We have classes, we do trainings. The website is www.thenarrativemethod.org

https://youtu.be/56vHerZMDlk
Additional Resources

Nothing is Impossible: How to Turn Life's Challenges Into Opportunity

Traits of a Virtuous Woman

There are several stories in the bible about the, virtuous woman.  Proverbs say A, virtuous woman, who can find? For her price is worth more than rubies. Proverbs 12:4 says A, virtuous woman, is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I look at traits of the, virtuous woman, and use as my foundational story the, bible story, of, Ruth and Naomi, and why, Boaz, called, Ruth, a, virtuous woman.

Download podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10963289-traits-of-a-virtuous-woman.mp3?download=true

Boaz and Ruth Bible Story

One of my favorite, Bible stories, is the story of, Ruth and Naomi.

The story is told that, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law had huge losses. Her husband died as well as her two sons leaving her with no money. She said that the Lord made her life very bitter and caused her to suffer.

So, Naomi, decided to return home to Bethlehem in Judah because the Lord had blessed Judah with grain.

Naomi blessed her daughter in laws and sent them back home to their families but Ruth clung to her refusing to leave her

Naomi and Ruth, moved to Judah where Naomi told Ruth to go work in the fields of, Boaz, a very wealthy man. Boaz, noticed this strange woman working hard in the fields and enquired who she was. He was told that she was the young woman who came back with, Naomi.

Ruth the virtuous woman

Boaz, was impressed about what he heard about this, virtuous woman, and told his workers to treat her kindly and drop bundles of grain on purpose so she can pick up.

Ruth, worked throughout both the barley harvest and the wheat harvest then, Naomi, decided it was time for her to get a husband.

She gave, Ruth, instructions on what to do and, Ruth, did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. She bathed, put on her best dress applied perfume and lay at the feet of, Boaz. That was the submissive gesture. Boaz, woke up and accepted the offer blessing her for not going after a younger man.

The story ends with, Boaz, marrying, Ruth, and her son Obed was the grandfather of David.

Boaz, called Ruth a, virtuous woman

In this story Ruth was called a, virtuous woman, because:

  • She was loyal to her mother-in-law,
  • She was willing to work,
  • She was willing to leave her home and be a foreigner in another land and
  • She did everything her mother-in-law told her to do

What are the modern-day traits of a virtuous woman?

  • A, virtuous woman, cares for her family.
  • She is a hard worker.
  • While she toils faithfully in meeting the needs of her own family, she also doesn't forget to help the other needy people God brings across her path.
  • She also takes the time to look after her own health and be a good steward of her body.
What’s the benefit of being a virtuous woman?

Aristotle, says that the, keys to happiness, is the practice of, virtue, because, virtue, is in accord with human reason. Aristotle, stated that we can reach minor states of happiness through money, power, or fame, but ultimate happiness can only be reached though the practice of, virtue.

A, virtuous woman, has character traits such as honesty, chastity, courage, and generosity. Virtue, theorists believe that if we concentrate on being righteous people, the right actions will follow; in other words, the people with the right character tend to make the right decisions.

What is the meaning of Virtuous:
  1. Morally good; acting in conformity to the moral law; practicing the moral duties, and abstaining from vice; as a, virtuous man.
  2. Being in conformity to the moral or divine law; as a virtuous action; a virtuous life.
    The mere performance of, virtuous, actions does not denominate an agent virtuous.
  3. Chaste; applied to women.
  4. Efficacious by inherent qualities;

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope to see you back here next week for another episode of 5 min Fridays until then Namaste

Additional Resources:

3 Ways To Let Your Inner Greatness Shine Through

Your Focus Determines Your Actions

Are you aware of your, emotional home?  It is what you, focus, on when the going gets tough, determines your, actions. Your, emotional home, is the emotion you return to when life events happen, good or bad. For example, have you ever been fired? What did you, focus, on?

What was your, emotional response? Did you, focus, on fear that you will be homeless?  Was it hope that you will find a better job, or did you, focus, on gratitude, that now you can do what you really love. Science shows that our, emotions, have a home and we always go home.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10921352-your-focus-on-determines-your-actions.mp3?download=true

 

Tony Robbins, tells the story often about one Thanksgiving when he was 11 years old, his step father had just lost his job and they were eating saltine crackers and butter for dinner when there was a knock at the door and a man was there with a basket of food and a Turkey.

His father was not grateful for the food. He told the man at the door. We don’t accept charity and tried to shut the door in the man’s face. The man put his foot in the door and responded it was not charity and he was just the delivery man.

His father took the food without saying thanks and slammed the door in the man’s face.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

What you Focus on  is your emotional home

The meaning you give life events determines the, actions, you take.

Tony’s father chose to, focus,  on the fact that he could not provide for his family and that is why someone had to send them food.

The meaning he attached to this, focus, was that was he was a failure.

His, actions, were to leave his family.

Tony on the other hand chose to, focus,` on the fact that they had food, his emotion was, gratitude.

The meaning he gave it was that strangers cared.

The action he did was to pay it forward and at 17 years old started his organization, Feeding America.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What actions did you take when you felt pain

Many of you listening had events that happened in your childhood that shaped who you became as an adult and formed your, emotional home.

We’re you sexually molested as a child?

We’re you bullied in school because you wore hand me downs and your shoes had holes in them?

Did your parents favor your siblings?

In every one of those scenarios, you focused on the situation.

You probably give it the meaning that you were worthless or unlovable.

What, actions, did you take?

Did you become sexually promiscuous?

Did you sleep with boys or men to get money to buy stuff?

Did you hate your parents or siblings?

The, emotions, that came from the meaning affect our, actions, and are the, emotions, you return to when you are hurt.

Let me help you change the narrative – you have to deliberately draw a line in the sand and change it.  It takes work to, rewrite your story.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

STEPS TO REWRITE YOUR STORY

  1. Examine your habits
    Instead of focusing on what you want to change, turn your attention to the bad habit or habits that lead to you wanting to learn how to change yourself. Are your sugar cravings at 10 PM what lead to you being overweight? Is your habit of sleeping in and arriving at work late getting in the way of your promotion? Once you’ve identified the, negative habits, you can create better ones that will help you, rewrite your story, such as utilizing delayed gratification.
  2. Practice every day
    Once you know what your new, healthy habits, are, practice them every single day – no matter what. Have a backup plan in case circumstances get in the way of your new habits and don’t allow yourself to cut corners.
  3. Focus on self-reflection
    One of the habits that lead you to wanting to learn how to change your life around was not facing reality. You need to, focus, on realistic self-reflection throughout your journey and, when needed, ask those you trust for their perspective. Are you improving? If not, what else needs to change?
  4. Surround yourself with good people
    When you spend quality time with good people who love you, you develop a natural support system for your new habits and you are able to, rewrite your story, in a nurturing environment.
  5. Keep taking risks
    If you want to learn how to change your life, you cannot stay in your comfort zone. You need to take risks until you get comfortable with those risks – then take more. The more you push yourself, the easier it will become to rewrite your story and transform your life.

Conclusion

Can you use your story to help others?

If you take control of your mind and, focus, on making better decisions, sometimes the worst experiences in life turn out to be your best teachers and your, testimony.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, 5 min Fridays, I hope you were inspired to become aware of your emotional home and if is not a positive emotion, change it. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources 

How to become Limitless: Emotional Intelligence Leadership

Using The Inner Game To Become The Richest Real Estate Agent

Ben Oosterveld became a, real estate agent, and a coach and said I would literally show the agents how to do sales using their, inner game.  I convinced 12, real estate agents, to coach with me, and I said, I'm gonna really kill this. I'm going to destroy it. It's not going to be hard. I know how to do it, but I'm going to do it alongside you.

And it was the weirdest coaching program ever. I said only one group of people are ever going to see this and I became Rookie of the Year.  My first year I did over 80 transactions. But I but I also hired an assistant within my first three weeks, because I was businessman.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10894290-using-the-inner-game-to-become-the-richest-real-estate-agent.mp3?download=true

Bio

Ben Oosterveld, didn’t have an easy start. He lived on the streets from the age of 14, survived a failed suicide attempt at age 15, and later spent 365 days in rehab. Ben's, inner game, needed work. He was a pure-bred, people pleaser, manipulative & controlling man who always compared himself to others to the point of constant self-sabotage.

Ben has since coached entrepreneurs and national companies. Previously, he built a real estate investment company that held 61 properties with investors in 4 different cities. After getting his real estate license, he built a multimillion-dollar real estate business with an award winning top national team in 3 years.

Today, Ben helps business owners and, real estate agents, get clear about who they really are and what they really want. He helps them make the right changes in their business and life with the new goal of building a life they love. His focus is on coaching, speaking, and running personal growth retreats. Ben loves business but his real obsession is helping people break free of the old patterns that hold them back in life. The, inner game, is everything to him and he is on a mission to find his tribe, one extraordinary person at a time.

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How Ben found his inner game

Myrna; : Can you share your backstory, why you were suicidal and bridge the gap for us and how you went from there to here?

Ben: Sure, I grew up in a tough childhood. I had good parents, but my dad was not in a place to be a parent. He has his own backstory that shaped him. And yeah, just I started running away from home when I was 12 and lived on the streets. I was a very industrious kid, but still and I would find places to sleep and just honestly just got into drugs. Alcohol found a place of acceptance. I never felt accepted.

I got really good at doing drugs as a young kid, every day just getting go.  I ended up trying to commit suicide and committed in a psychiatric ward. I broke out of the psychiatric ward as a kid and that was on the news. My parents told me the news it was a pretty crazy story. But there's lots of stories within all these stories, but I went to a place called Teen Challenge. I went to 365-day rehab center, my plan was I was gonna give this one last try. And I went and that helped me. It helped me a lot.

And then I went into the world. I got into sales. I got into selling. My dad was a salesman, so it's just ironic that I got into sales. I desperately wanted his approval and his love thinking that was the missing hole in my life, thinking that was the actual hole that I needed to fill was based around my father relationship. But it was a relationship with myself. I didn't realize that till later. And I figured, you know, we got to work on this relationship with my dad and, and he was really interested in to me when I was doing things that he was interested in.

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The performance mentality to crush real estate sales

I built the, performance mentality. You know, people pleasing, mentality where I felt loved when I worked hard, so became a workaholic. My dad was a salesman and a financial planner. I became a, salesman. But I'd be not just a, salesman, I became number one, salesman. I had this weird drive that but if I wasn't number one, I was nothing. I had this huge gap happiness was always based on my performance, and what other people would say about me.  I knew I could control what other people say if I just become number one.

I became a, real estate investor, and the first year or so I bought 41 properties and ended up building a, real estate investment, company. I ended up coaching, real estate agents. We changed the investment company when the crash happened. That was a pretty huge hit in my psychology, because I was always winning, and I didn't know what it was like to not win. I cried at my desk. I went through a lot then I hired a, life coach. And I hired someone I thought he was a, business coach.

His name was Mr. McKernan and I worked with him for eight years. And he was the first guy to challenge me. I was a very strong, strong person. I could tell myself stories and I could convince you and me of these stories. And a lot of times we just got to identify some self-awareness around these people that are going on with their stories.  I've really niched out in, real estate, to help the, real estate industry and, real estate agents.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Becoming an inner game coach

I actually became a, real estate agent, and a coach and I would literally show the agents how to do sales. So, I convinced 12, real estate agents, to coach with me, and I said, I'm gonna really kill this. I'm going to destroy it. It's not going to be hard. I know how to do it, but I'm going to do it alongside you. And it was the weirdest coaching program ever. I said only one group of people are ever going to see this and I became Rookie of the Year.  My first year I did over 80 transactions. But I but I also hired an assistant within my first three weeks, because I was businessman.

Why would you buy a restaurant and try to cook and serve all at the same time?  Real estate agents, all over the country are doing everything themselves. And I realize it's the thinking that's the problem. They think they can keep selling and selling, but they forget that you could build a, referral base, every single year bigger and bigger and eventually if you did 1000 deals in your lifetime and you have a 10% referral rate, you'd have 100 sales every single year without even spending $1 in marketing. So, no one's playing the long game. I coach now helping, real estate agents, put in the right systems in place, so they can buy back their time because a business is if you're a, salesman, you got to grind it out.

But if you're a business owner, what you're doing is designing your company to serve the life that you want. The question is what else do you want? And that's where I'm a blackbelt, because I can help people uncover what they want. Now we create that then we say how much does that cost? Cool. So, you only need 200 grand a year to have the life you want when you thought you needed a million.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

People pleasing and the inner game

So, we do a lot of work regarding the, inner game, and figuring out what they want. Most people don't know. My journey has been this weird, obsessed with human behavior and psychology because I was broken and I hated myself. So, I just was I tried to fix myself along the way and then the, inner game, really changed me.

It's been many, many lessons. We could talk for long. I'm sure we could share stories. The thing is, though, the biggest one. The biggest one happened the last, say three years for me. I've done well. I've done been doing this for years now. But the thing is, I got to a place where I would see something in my life and I want to fix it. I want to fix, people pleasing, manipulative, anger, whatever you can choose, anxiety, and I looked at it and I say I don't want that in me.

So now I'm going to use my skill of attacking and my builder skill, which is like, let's figure out how to get it down. I would study and try to attack these ailments that I had that I didn't like. But the more I fixed them, I find more, fix more and find more, that's when I realized I knew I know a lot of knowledge and I can help a lot of people. But I realized I was digging myself into a hole of unsatisfied anxiety, depression, hatred, through the, Personal Growth Movement. Because I just found that I was still broken.

Then I would go into judgment and say I should feel better. I'm doing all these, personal growth tools, and affirmations and all this stuff. But it was judgment because I didn't feel better. I felt like I could get through stuff, but I had five more things in me that needed to be fixed. So that fixer in the builder just led me to more fixing and builder and what I realized is self-acceptance is enlightenment.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Why hiring an assistant is setting realtors up for success

Myrna: Yeah, you got so many nuggets in there. I got to remember which ones I want to circle back to. Okay. All right. Let me take let me let me test my memory here. So, the first thing I want to circle back on was and you hired an assistant right away.  A lot of, real estate agents, wouldn't understand that because we know in, real estate, you don’t make enough money to hire and assistant when you just get started. I interviewed a guy a couple months ago on the on the show and he became a top, commercial Realtor, in in San Francisco. And he was talking that for the first two years he didn't get a paycheck because of course he was working on big deals.

We know as, Realtors, when you come in, you don't always get the 10 deals a month. You get a little bit of money. And you're not thinking of hiring someone. You said you went in and immediately hired someone because you understood sales.

Ben: I hired an assistant because I was planning to be successful. Are you planning to fail?

Myrna: Yeah, exactly. That's a good tagline. You know, don't plan to fail, you know, set your business up for success.

Ben: I'm dealing with hiring an assistant, it's my secret way to get to find out where you psychologically create emotional friction. So, watch this. Hey, why don't you hire an assistant? Well, I don't have money or time. I don't know what to do. Hold on. That's all emotional friction. Let me change your thinking for some of the people on the show right now that have a business or anything. I'll just do it really quickly.

Can you afford $20 a week? Of course, you can. So, what we need to do is not go to the black belt hire, I gotta get you to hire well white belt, because I need you to get a psychological win.  I want for you to become a CEO or a boss. The learning curve is way too high. But if I can get someone to manage your birthday system to make sure that you send a birthday card to every single client, I call that project hiring. You can practice being a boss and the cost is 20 bucks, one hour a week. It's the only mindset first, real estate coaching, in the world. It's called the Richest Real Estate Agent Facebook group.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Definition of the inner game

Myrna: Okay, I love that. I will definitely join that. But you know in my defense, I focus a lot on my time on my podcast.  Explain what you mean by the, inner game?

Ben: The, inner game, it's the relationship with yourself. When you wake up in the morning, how do you feel? It’s your, emotional intelligence. Let's talk about, people pleasers. If you're a, people pleaser, you are extremely selfish person. I can speak about it because I got the medal of honor. And so, here's the thing, let's play this game with the readers and even ourselves. If someone says something like this, “You let me down.” If you can really take a second, close your eyes and think about how that would make you feel with someone that mattered. People pleasers, only please the people that matter.

Myrna: I would feel pretty bad. I would feel that I let you down and since I'm a caring person, that would bother me.

Ben: Correct, you have this internal energy this chaos that says, I don't like this feeling that I get when someone lets me down.  By the way I can manipulate anybody with that right now. All I got to do is say you let me down and I can pull the strings on people, that's manipulation. So, if you just be very careful, miss everyone wants to be an independent man, independent woman. Great. So, if you're a, people pleaser, super easy to control. FYI. That's how you give your power away. Second thing is this, if you are people pleasing, you act as if it's about the other person. And it's such a lie, because all I want is that feeling to go away.

So, I got to make sure you're not upset with me. That has nothing to do with the, is all about making sure I don't feel those emotions. Because it makes me feel bad. So, who are you really pleasing?  Yourself.  How do you like when someone says I'm doing something for you, but they're not using you so really, as a, people pleaser, you use people. No wonder there's no real deep connection.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Language and personality types

Myrna: That's true. That's a different way of looking at it. That's a different spin. Tell us about the 16 Psychological languages.

Ben: we're born with 16 personality types and we all are the same human. There are 16 through the study of 100 years of psychology, there's 16 combinations of personality. So, when we say that's just my personality, you're all personalities you just haven't visited say the organizing person, you're more of a winged person or you're more of a detailed person, you're more of this, so forth. So, this is years and years of studying humans is understanding myself as being my obsession, and now I understand the people and I'll give you an example.

Let's just do a practical example on a language understanding human language. So, let's say that, you're a real estate agent, and you go into a house, let's say I'm brand-new, real estate agent. I sit down and the client askes me, so how long you've been in the business, I'm thinking who says that? What if I'm brand new, you know? I'm gonna feel terrible.

And so here's the thing. I look at a guy like that. And so, speaking his language, he has the balls to hit me with a bat. That is a test on my credibility. Okay, we have to understand that we can stop being so self-centered, and observe how people talk to us. Here's the trick. Here's some tactical training. The guy says, how long you been in the business? You have to hit him with a sarcastic hit and you got to be direct, or you'll lose the guy's credibility. That's understanding his language.

So, I would say, you know what? I've only been in the business under a year. And I might not be your, real estate agent. Then I'd say to him, I'd say, but I do know someone 40 years in the business, her name's Betty. She has a walker. If that's how you're going to choose, let me give you her your number right now. And then guess what he says, I like this guy. I want to hire him. Because  sarcasm  is the language of the logical, but then later, they become loyal.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Using language to build connection and rapport

Myrna: So you're really pretty confident to do that. That's pretty good.

Ben: In my course I teach the psychology of all the languages and when someone teaches sales training, I think it's manipulative. What I do is it's like, I look at human connection.

So there's building connection and rapport through tactics or authenticity, and then one is rich, but people pleasing one is real. Like if I really understand you, I'll probably find out what makes you tick. What's your nostalgic value? That’s what I think of when I meet a client. So, this isn't this isn't mirroring, its building rapport. This is truly at a psychological level, making a connection.

Myrna: Tell us about your podcast is called the, Inner Game.

Ben: I am no longer doing the, Inner Game, Podcast. We're all in on bringing mindset and personal growth and business mindset versus worker mindset to, real estate. And so, I'm focused 100% of that in my podcast is called “The, Richest Real Estate Agent. The other thing is I have a book coming out called the real “The richest real estate agent: how to build a seven-figure business without sacrificing your relationships.” It's the first mindset book for, real estate agents, with full tactical training. Never ever has this been combined. We're going to be going after the, inner game, for, real estate agents, and that's our focus.

Book The Richest Real Estate Agent
Book The Richest Real Estate Agent

Conclusion

And so that's the book, the podcast and our group on Facebook is all The, Richest Real Estate Agent.  I also run, personal growth, retreats that I do that once a year for people that want to bring up their teams or whatever, and I take them on a three-day kind of off grid or adventure retreats. And that's three days I can't even compare to the effectiveness of what three days away on one of my retreats does for the for the head and the heart. All these information can be found on my website www.benoosterveld.com

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/create-a-freedom-lifestyle-with-investment-property/

Money Mindset: Removing Your Financial Baggage

In this 21 Day, money mindset, Challenge we help people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10849904-money-mindset-removing-your-financial-baggage.mp3?download=true

 

Bio

A gang of armed men broke into Chana Mason's childhood home in Bogota, Colombia, And held her family hostage. Her family miraculously fled to Miami, but 5-years-old Chana’s sense of safety was decimated. Two decades later, Chana still dealt with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. To heal herself, she dove into a journey to rediscover her peace and joy. She’s learned from the world’s top experts on the human mind and uses her gift for turning complex ideas into easy-to-access tools for transformation.

Through her straight talk, open heart, and addictive joy, Chana helps thousands clarify their vision, shift beliefs getting in their way, and manifest their dreams. Chana lives with her family in the funky Nachlaot neighborhood of Jerusalem and works with individuals and communities around the world.

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Byron Katie's book The Work as the foundation for shifting mindset

I love Byron Katie's book, “The Work” I follow her work so, and I started doing some of those exercises or tools. So, I know what you're talking about in your book “Hold That Thought”. From your bio, you said that because you had, PTSD, so you started to, to train with a top world expert. So can you bridge the gap for us, how your, childhood trauma, turned into you becoming a coach and a teacher and how you used Byron Katie's book, “The Work” as the foundation of one of your tools.

Chana: I was constantly in search of things that would help me stop having, anxiety and depression, and one of the things that I experienced which I kind of thought I was the only person in the world who had this because we have a tendency to be very lonely in our suffering and not talk about it.

I would have the worst, anxiety images, I would picture the most horrific things happening all the time. In my mind, I tend to picture things rather than have words as much. And so, as I walk off a bus, I pictured myself tripping off the bus and getting run over or I trip on the sidewalk and I would imagine my head bashing the sidewalk and blood and guts everywhere.

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Our thoughts are malleable

Those types of images were flooding my mind all the time, in addition because of the kidnap threat when I was a kid, I was constantly being scared of people on the street thinking I was gonna get kidnapped or thinking I was gonna get raped. All of that stuff, didn't respond at all to therapy. So, for years, I tried going to different therapists.  Eventually I started learning about the concept that our thoughts are within our control and, thoughts, are malleable, but I didn't really have clear tools for how to shift those, thoughts, and I kept getting stuck.

Eventually, I found some really phenomenal coaches and healers; but there was something about Byron Katie's material that just really struck a chord.  I was introduced to “The Works” as a process for inquiry. So, The Works, and the option process and other tools for inquiry also.  Their goal is to help you ask questions. When you're facilitating someone else, you ask them questions that help the subconscious to bring up all of the answers and all of the beliefs and all of the rationale that we've been using to drive our behavior.  Sometimes just seeing it on the surface makes us look at it and be like wait, that doesn't make any sense.

You know, so for example, a lot of people think that the best way to lose weight is believing that they should lose weight. My experience is that the belief that I should lose weight makes people want to eat more and exercise less. And so as soon as they see how they react to that belief, they realize, wait, this belief isn't working for me, even though I thought it would help me get to where I want to go.

Eventually, I wanted to help people to this theory clearly a journal work. So just came out with a new book, which I didn't even get to tell you about because it just came out. It’s called “Inner Voices.

Also, in “Hold That Thought” people get a free taste of “Inner Voices” at the end of the book.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Using the Works to change your beliefs

Myrna: When I was reading “The Works” I used the inquiry for my, beliefs, regarding my husband. Married people have conflict over certain different things so this was helpful for me. I loved the inquiry, is that true? How do you know that’s true? So, how did you use that book specifically to get rid of your, anxiety images?

Chana: So for me, the purpose of inquiry is to question our thinking. For some people thinking manifests as words. And for other people it manifests as pictures. But what's cool about a picture is that it's not just one belief. Usually a picture, is a container for lots and lots of, beliefs. So, if you're picturing yourself, God forbid, driving off the road, there's a lot of, beliefs, in there.

  • Not safe when I'm driving.
  • The world is not a safe place.
  • I can't trust myself on the road.
  • I can't trust other drivers on the road.
  • I'm going to die.
  • I'm going to die in a painful way.
  • I'm going to die right now.

Asking is it true to shift your mindset

Think about how many things come up. And so, if you can just sit and think about what are the, beliefs, that are embedded in these, anxiety images? I want for your audience to really understand what inquiry is so I can give you a simple example. There was one time that I was in Heathrow Airport, sort of transitioning via London to the United States from Israel. And Heathrow Airport is huge, it's like a mall, and there's a point when you walk through it, it's like walking through the perfume section of a mall. And I saw this huge poster image advertisement of a scantily clad model standing next to a bottle of perfume.

The only thing at the bottom of what brands it was the brand of the perfume, but there were no words on this marketing. This was a big poster. And yet when I looked at it, I noticed that my stomach started to turn. So, for me, the thing that drives me to question my thinking is my emotional state. And my emotional state is a combination of just straight up emotions like anger or sadness, and physiological experiences because we feel emotions inside of our bodies. So, for me, my stomach started to turn and I started to feel a little bit sad and worthless. And so immediately I knew there's something happening in me from this poster. This poster was telling a story, and that story wasn’t feeling good.

I immediately knew to ask myself the question, Is this true? And as soon as I answered this is not true, my stomach was no longer in knots. I was able to shift my, mindset.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Shifting your limiting beliefs

Myrna: So how do you help clients shift their, limiting beliefs,  and manifest their dreams?  We know that we can use the tools that we've been talking about to question how we're feeling, question our, belief system, and so on, but how could we use it for you to shift your, limiting beliefs, and manifest your dreams?

Chana: One of the things I do as a coach is I help people clarify a vision for what it is they want to do with their lives. You know, they may want to build a business, want to increase their sales in real estate.  I have a number of realtors that I work with. They may want to lose weight, it really just depends.

Everybody's a little bit different. But particularly for my business clients, actually, it's true even for somebody wanting to lose weight. What tends to happen is that they have a vision. There's something they want, they know it's a clear manifestation of their life's purpose, and would give them a tremendous amount of meaning.

Yet, they can't seem to get themselves to do it. They keep bumping into all sorts of obstacles along the way. And for that, I created a tool I called the, obstacle course. So, this is where I tend to use the tools of inquiry that I've gotten from others and create tools that help people. Let's say that you want to be 20 pounds lighter. So, I have a client who's in that situation right now. She wants to be 20 pounds lighter.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Using the obstacle course to change mindset

Myrna: Well, in your book I thought it was interesting this guy, I think he was a Potter or something and he was saying that he could never be successful as a Potter and you used the, obstacle course, to help him shift his, mindset, and remove his, financial baggage.

Chana: So that's a perfect sample. He had this vision of living out in the country and not living in the city and being professionally a Potter and actually making a living as a Potter.  Being able to sustain a family that way. But it seemed so pie in the sky and impossible in his eyes. So, I asked him to do this, obstacle course. What are all the reasons why it's impossible? And for most of us who are visual, it really helps to actually see these, obstacles and remove our, financial baggage.

Everyone comes up with different things, I asked them to envision this dream they have as being someone in the distance in front of them like let's say it's right here. Then I asked them between here and the vision they have, what do they see? And one client said they see shards of glass and other person says they see clouds and other person says the image itself is a black and white, they don't see any color, all sorts of things like that, right?

So, for this guy, the obstacles between himself and the vision is the opportunity to speak. I said, okay, what are the shards of glass or what are the clouds have to say? And he said, It's impossible. I can't do it. I couldn't possibly make enough money to support a family, you know, all these different, beliefs. And he listed about 13 obstacles along with their, financial baggage.  Then we have to do the inquiry and ask him “Is this true” and then get him to do a, turnaround to shift his, mindset, and unload his, financial baggage.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Using turnarounds to shift your mindset

It's a lot. What's really cool is that for most of us the, beliefs, that are driving our lives and driving our behavior, are resting in the, subconscious mind. We're just not aware that they're there. And all we have to do is ask a question, like, what are those, obstacles, have to say or what am I believing right now? This making me feel this way? And it's just amazing. Our, subconscious mind, loves to follow orders. If we ask good questions, we get good answers.

So, if I ask, what am I believing right now the, subconscious mind, is like oh, you want to know your, beliefs. Here they are. They were all sitting under this consciousness, so we talked about money, for example, for most people, what keeps them from manifesting wealth and abundance? They have all of these, money beliefs, and for almost all of us our, money beliefs, are very deeply hidden in the, subconscious mind.

For two reasons. One is we got our, money beliefs, early from our family when we were kids. And the other is, money, is taboo. So, we have, money beliefs, but we don't know what they are. It's like for people for whom your body is taboo.

If God forbid, they ever get abused, well, if you don't know you have a penis. How do you tell someone that it got touched? So, in the same way, if you're not allowed to talk about, money, and, money, is this taboo thing? When things aren't going well with, money, you don't even have the language to talk about debt or stress or credit cards or building wealth or investments.

If you don't even have the language, you don't have the vocabulary for that. So, for this guy, once he was able to identify thoughts, then we could use all of the tools from inquiry from the auction process to, neuro linguistic programming, to The Works, to be able to address what he was doing.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Your money mindset and your parents

Myrna: He must have thought that the only way that you can be successful is if maybe you're an accountant or professional or maybe his parents told him that a Potter is not a real job.  I know about the, money mindset, because we grew up poor. You have a, money mindset, when you hear your parents or grandparents, say things like “money don't grow on trees” or, “money is the root of all evil.”

So, you've got it on both ends. So that's basically your, belief system. That is a great segue into what we want to talk about today, removing your financial baggage. Tell us about your 21 day, money mindset, challenge.

Chana: Yeah, I actually really want to focus on this thing of money doesn't grow on trees, because we have this 21 Day Challenge that helps people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

The money mindset 21 day challenge

And one of the things that my husband and I decided to do in the, money mindset,  challenge is that every single day, every single lesson has a story because we find that stories how we learn and particularly with, beliefs, stories are how we created our, beliefs. You know, your five-year-old Myrna is looking around and she's seeing how people are behaving right. She's living a story, and then she comes up with a whole collection of conclusions about what's true about the world. And some of those conclusions literally came out of people's mouths, but not always.

For example, two people could get divorced and a kid says, oh, my daddy doesn't love me. That's why he left. Even though Daddy never said that. There's no indication of that. Right? And it's probably the opposite of why it's true. Because Daddy loved the kid, he stayed longer than maybe he would have otherwise. There's just such a different collection of stories that kids can create. So, one of the stories that I use repeatedly with students to help them shift is to actually see that money does quite specifically grow on trees.

Myrna: I think ask you those questions. Is that true? What are the other questions? Do you go through in “The Works? Is that how you do them to shift their, mindset?

Chana: So, so there are a few questions that I ask. So, let's say you're believing.  I'm not talented enough to start my own business. Okay, so you and I deal with people who believe that all the time I'm not trying to start my own business. So, one stream of questions could be doing “The Work of Byron Katie”,

  • Is it true?
  • Can you absolutely know that it's true?
  • How do you react when you believe that thought? You see what that thought does to you emotionally, physiologically, behaviorally, you notice that if I believe I'm not talented enough to start my own business, my body shrinks. I get really tight.
Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

Your beliefs determine your success

Personally, for me I want to crawl under the covers and hide. I'm much less social and under those circumstances, I literally can't start my own business. I can't do anything even remotely creative or audacious, well, unbelieving, that thought. So, the thought actually creates that reality. And isn't that convenient, right? One of the things that I can ask myself was also, is how do I benefit from believing that thought?

One benefit I get is that I can sit on the couch and drink beer and watch movies.  It's like, because I'm not talented enough, which is beyond my control, right? It's not like oh, I'm going to work on my talent.

So, me as an author, my husband is also an author. We read books about writing books, and we take courses from authors and these work on our craft. We didn't used to be talented enough to write great books, but we are now working really hard, and hopefully it will be a lot better a decade from now. But to say I'm not talented enough to start my own business is sort of saying like, it's like a flatline and it means I don't even have to try. It's much more convenient to sit on the couch and eat ice cream.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Using Turnarounds to shift your money mindset

The key part of Byron Katie's process is doing what she calls, turnarounds, where you take the original statement, and you say it's opposite. So, you say “I am talented enough to start my own business.”  I'm talented enough to learn. I'm talented enough to ask questions. I'm talented enough to seek mentors. I'm talented enough at the one thing I know how to do, and I could outsource other pieces that I don't know how to do, where I'm not particularly talented.

So those would be me giving reasons why this new perspective is true. And every time I give a reason why the new perspective is true. I'm literally rewiring my brain into a different perspective and detaching from the old perspective. And the more I do that, the more I train my mind to question everything.  And so, there's something really powerful about questioning absolutely every single thing you see.  So, so in our, money mindset, challenge, we teach a number of different tools to help people shift their, beliefs.

One of the tools we teach is “The Works.” We teach a bunch of other tools. Another one of them is simply choosing to disentangle two concepts that you've glued together. For example, often when we're working with someone in financial coaching I will ask, please complete the following sentence. Rich people are ……… And often people will say things like greedy, selfish, slimy, evil, you know, out to get us, etc.

Myrna: Yes, they hear their parents saying those things.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Shifting your mindset on your beliefs

Chana: Right, they have all of these different, beliefs. And what's really cool is you have a few options of what you can do with let's say, rich people are evil. Okay. You can ask yourself, are there times that you've met rich people who are good or generous?

Then list examples of wealthy people you know, who are particularly generous, and every single time all of a sudden the person is like, oh, yeah, you know, there's this guy in my community, and he's always taking care of everyone. And whenever anybody is in need, they can just go to him and he'll get some cash very quietly, secretly under the table.

And oh, yeah. And you know, my church wouldn't stand if it wasn't for these two women who are really rocking entrepreneurs, and they just they support the entire church and they do it so quietly, and oh, yeah, you know that big philanthropist, he's just giving money away all the time.

If they say poor people are good, so you can ask them have you ever met a poor person who's evil and you're like, oh, yeah, you know, there's this guy and it's like, okay, well, let's look at the vast majority of people who get arrested for theft, are they are rich people are people?  The only thing you know for sure is that they're rich. And they are people, right?

Myrna; Right, Rich people are rich, no extra labels!

Why do you believe what you do?

Chana: Another really cool thing that comes from the auction process is a question I really like. It's why do you believe that?

Myrna: I'm sure a lot of people that can't answer that.

Chana: It's shocking how much the, subconscious mind, will give you an answer to these questions.  We teach you other tools on how to take those thoughts and turn them into thoughts that support you. And then and then in the third week, we teach you financial principles and, and understandings of how, money, works so that you can really start moving more towards a positive supportive, money mindset.

Myrna: How can listeners connected with you and learn more about your 21 day challenge and, plus get a copy of your book?

Chana: My personal website is www.chanamason.com you can access my books @ Chanamason.com/books. Most of the books, are available as free downloads. I wrote a book together with my husband called “The Cash Machine.” It's all about how to develop financial independence, but it's a novel. It's a love story. It's like a really fun page turner. And we have another book about how to manifest your dreams called “The Size of Your Dreams,” which is also a novel, but also, personal growth, tools. And “Hold That Thought” that you mentioned and “In Our Voices,” are my 2 newest books. So people can go to that page and access any of those books and our, money challenge, they can access on My Courses page on my website, or they can go to www.moneymindsetmadness.com

Additional Resources

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

How To Use Feelings To Manifest Your Dreams

The, secret of feeling, or calling of the invisible realm into the visible and feeling realm is beautifully told in the Bible story of, Isaac, blessing his second son, Jacob, by the belief, based solely upon, feelings, that he was blessing his first son, Esau.

One of the reasons all the wealth coaches tell you to first visualize how much money you want and then use your, feelings, to visualize  it in your hand is  because, emotions, and, feelings, are the invisible forces that creates.

Download the podcast 

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Bible story of Esau and Jacob

It is told that, Isaac, who was old and blind, felt that he was about to leave this world and wishing to bless his first-born son, Esau, before he died, sent, Esau, hunting for savory venison with the promise that upon his return from the hunt he would receive his father’s blessing.

Jacob's mother Rebekah overheard the father promise to bless, Esau, and since, Jacob, was her favorite, she encouraged him to deceive his father and get the, first-born, blessing.

She sent, Jacob, to the flock to get a couple of young goats and prepared Isaac’s favorite meal. Then she wrapped Jacob's arms and neck with the skin from the goats so, Jacob, would feel like his brother, Esau.

Jacob deceives Isaac with feeling

When, Jacob, went in to see his father pretending to be his brother his father said you don’t sound like, Esau, come closer so I can feel you. Isaac, felt the hairy skin and through these, feelings, was convinced he was speaking to, Esau, and proceeded to give his, first-born, blessing.

He blessed him with an abundance of grain and wine which represents the later promise of a land flowing with, milk and honey.  He blessed him with being the master over his brothers and having them bow down to him which represents the later blessing of being the head and not the tail the lender and not the borrower.

Finally, he blessed him that all who cursed him would be cursed and all who blessed him would be blessed,  that took care of all his enemies both seen and unseen forever.

Feelings, consciousness and desire

The, secret of feeling, is that whatever you desire you must use your, feelings,  before it manifests.  Isaac, the blind father, is your consciousness; your awareness of being.

Esau, the hairy son, is your objectified world, the, present moment, your present environment, the world you know from your, senses.

Jacob, represents your desire or subjective state. An idea not yet embodied;  in short your defined objective.

What's the science? Subjective feelings, are central to everyday human life from forgetfulness to, feeling, ill or having a good day with a friend. Subjective feelings, is the current subjective phenomenological state of an individual.

The secret to feeling your way to your defined objective:

  1. To use, feelings, to manifest your desires, first send your, problem, hunting.  That means to take your attention off the problem.
  2. Second – With your eyes closed and your attention removed from your present circumstances fix your mind on your, desire. Begin to access your, feelings, on  what you want to manifest. Feel that the very place you are is the place desired; feel and sense the reality of it until you are consciously impressed with this fact.
  3. Thirdly – in your, imagination, see the thing desired. If you cannot visualize it, use your, feelings, to sense the general outline of it; contemplate it. Then mentally draw it close to you, Isaac, said “Come close my son that I may feel you” feel the nearness of it, feel it to be in your immediate presence, feel the reality and solidity of it, feel it and see it placed in the room which you are seated, feel the thrill of actual accomplishment, and the joy of possession.

Conclusion

This is how you use, feelings, to manifest your, dreams, and, desires, and walk in your blessings of abundance.

This is coach Myrna Young and you are listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

The Law of Attraction: How Vibrational Energy Works

Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide

In the silence of the, mind, the conscience, can hear the voice coming from the, superconscious, portion of the mind and can that reflect that wisdom into our, conscious mind, to be our guide. This is the action that will lead you to your highest and greatest good.

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Bio

LEONARD PERLMUTTER. Leonard is the founder and director of The American Meditation Institute in Averill Park, New York, and the originator of National Conscience Month. He studied under Swami Rama of the Himalayas whose lab studies at the Menninger Institute demonstrated that blood pressure, heart rate and the autonomic nervous system can be voluntarily controlled. These findings have become a cornerstone of the modern mind/body movement.

His recently released book YOUR CONSCIENCE: The Key to Unlock Limitless Wisdom and Creativity and Solve All of Life's Challenges is a simple, logical introduction to how your mind works and the perfect entry point for anyone who wants to live a more fulfilling life simply by learning to depend on their conscience.

Looking outside ourselves for happiness is a useless pursuit, but where can we find the wisdom, we need to guide us through the trials in our lives? Leonard believes that we can receive all the guidance we need by trusting our, conscience.

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Developing your conscience during childhood

Myrna: How did you develop your, conscience? Can you share your personal story?

Leonard: My personal story, I guess, began when I was quite young, a little child. And it seemed that two principles guided my life at that time and true today. The first principle was always looked at life from a philosophical viewpoint. It's just the way I saw the world immediately, philosophically. And the second principle that has directed me in practicality. I'm a practical fellow. Okay, and even a philosophy of life. Must have practical applications make life rewarding, and to take away the pain and the misery and the bondage, that are seen in the mists time in our world, the pandemic of its own.

Myrna: Okay, all right. Yeah. Were your problems solved by relying on your, conscience?

Leonard: There's not one, problem, that cannot be solved by our, conscience. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, there are no problems. There are only situations. So, for me, even the word problem is a problem. Now, because language trigger us.  Language can trigger us and they carry a heavy weight from the culture.

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iHeart Radio

Change the word problem to situation

So, if we bring the word, problem, into our heart, and just feel the weight of it, I have a problem Oh, it's very heavy. It's very dark, and it seems to cover a creative capacity, and become intimidated. I become fearful and I worry, which even accelerates denigration of my creative capacity. So, I don't use that word anymore. But I do I substitute a synonym, I say don't say I have problems, I say I have a situation.

If you bring the word, situation, into your heart and just listen with your eyes, situation, is much lighter. Not that I'm not going to have to work resolving the, situation. But I'm a creative fellow, I'd like to tackle that. So, I'm much more optimistic and creative. I'm always watching words that says you have an emotional choice.

Myrna: I like your word, situation, I've learned to change the word, problem, to, challenges, but challenges is also still weightier than, situation.

Leonard: And so, too interesting, because problems, wherever we define that we start in the, mind. What do I mean by that? There's conflict in our minds. There always has to be conflict outside our, mind. And that will be first and foremost in the body, but then, interpersonal relationships. So, working backwards from the, problem, which is outside of us by have a, problem, with you.

Problem, is now with you. It's what I think about you. My mind created an eclipse of my awareness and I cannot really see you, I just see what's in my, unconscious mind. I sift through those lenses. And so maybe I'm intimidated with you. Maybe I understand that you're a podcast, personality and you have a following and oh my gosh, I'm intimidated by her. So, when I talk to Myrna I'm not really able to have a conversation with her until I deal with the fear then, and the worry that is in my, mind.

Myrna: It's very true. When you were talking it reminded me of Buddha statement that says suffering is all in the, mind.

Leonard: Well, I believe that suffering is a choice. We all have pain, but suffering is exactly is your choice.

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Conscience one of the four functions of the mind

Myrna: Let's touch on this word, conscience. Can you just explain how, conscience, and the mind works?  You said mental problems or situations can be solved by relying on the, conscience, so let's dive into this, conscience, so we can put you know some context or conversation.

Four functions of the mind

Leonard: Sure. First and foremost, the conscience is one of the four, functions of the mind. In early childhood, I'm sure that many of us had the experience, I know I did, that there always seemed to be different voices in our, mind. And as it turns out, there are four of them.

  • There is the ego,
  • The, senses,
  • the, unconscious mind,
  • and the, conscience.

So interesting, this was a game changer for me when I learned it was quite shocking. Every single choice that I have ever made in my life, in fact, any human being has made in their life, and every single choice that we will ever make, has been made the, conscience, because, the conscience, is the only function of the mind, that can make a decision. The other three functions of the mind the, ego, the, senses, and the, unconscious mind, cannot make a choice. They only act as advisors. And as advisors, they work all the time in a very determined way.

So, what does that mean? The, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, these advisors, these lobbyists in our, mind, they're loud, they're pushy, and are often wrong. Only the, conscience, has the ability alone to make the choice.

Myrna:  How do we how do we get this, conscience?  I understand that our, conscience, was put by God to distinguish between right and wrong. Is your, conscience, built up after you're born?

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

The Ego, the senses and the unconscious mind

Leonard: The hardware of the, mind, is just like the, senses, and so can make two kinds of choices. The first kind of choice occurs when the, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind, are so unruly as they are with most people today. The, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind, are creating a tremendous amount of noise in our, mind, lobbying for their limited perspectives. Then the only way that the, conscience, can make a choice is simply to rubber stamp, the loudest voice it can hear.

We you know, the ego, the senses, and the, unconscious mind, are not always wrong. You need a, healthy ego, to have this conversation right now and make sense of it or to drive an automobile or a truck. We need a, healthy ego, to keep us alive. And that's gratification. I love a delicious meal just like everybody else and I have a body so why shouldn't I?

But a lot of times limited perspective of the, ego, senses, and even the, unconscious mind, create habit patterns that are faulty. And if they're loud and pushy, the, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, are always worried that a saber-toothed Tiger is going to come around the next corner and that we have to fear for our lives. Then the, conscience, will simply rubber stamp loudest voice.

Myrna: Okay, so we rubber stamp the loudest voice in our, mind. So, the loudest voice is saying hey, you know what? I should feel something right there.

Leonard: Maybe I should have a second piece of apple pie.

Myrna: Exactly. You're going to say get a second piece of apple pie, right? That's not so much your, conscience, that's just guilt, but let's say that we want to steal something and you steal it and then your, conscience, is bothering you. Because you know you shouldn't have done it. You know what I mean? So, what you're saying is that you took it because the, ego, let's choose that one. That's really the one that's telling you that you deserve it or something.

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How to listen to your conscience

Leonard: That's right. However, if we can learn to teach and parent, the ego, senses, and unconscious mind, and share their limited perspectives. Then when each of these three functions of the mind, these advisors after they finish presenting their perspective, sit down and be quiet. When the, mind, becomes quiet, the conscience, can make another kind choice.

Okay, now in this silence of the, mind, the conscience, can hear another voice coming from the, super conscious, portion of the mind. And can that reflect that, superconscious, wisdom into our, conscious mind, and that will tell the, conscience, to advise us. This is the action that will lead you for your highest and greatest good.

Myrna: Right? Well, that's perfect because somewhere along the line I heard that we have five voices in our head, but I've never had anybody actually identify those voices. We just know that we have these voices. One of the things I want to circle back to was what you're saying about, meditation, because this is where the, meditation, link comes in.

When you sit still and be quiet during, meditation, then you're connecting to source, you're connecting to your Higher Self, then you're able to get instructions from your higher self. But normally I guess when you're making a decision, a lot of times you right you just rubber stamp the highest noise.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

The superconscious wisdom

Leonard: There's another ingredient here and this is the need for culture. We are going so fast. Right now, we do not have time to sit quietly right so that the, conscience, can hear the, superconscious, wisdom and share it with us. We have to make a decision now. If it feels good, the advertisements say just do it.

Myrna: I talk a lot about, meditation, on the show. I'm reading the, meditation book, and it's telling you that when you sit quietly, what basically happens is things starts to bubble up that you have pushed down, and once it bubbles up that means it is something you need to take care of. So now I'm hearing another reason to sit still is so you can, solve problems, because when you sit still your, conscience, gets to talk to you.

Leonard: That one pointed attention, training the mind, to be one pointed either on a mantra or the breath in, meditation, automatically creates a space between stimulus and response. That means that I am cultivating the skill of being detached. What does that mean? Just because a thought comes into my awareness, suggesting the desire for the second slice of apple pie. When I create a space between that stimulus of that snack and piece of apple pie and my ultimate decision, that space provides me what? Freedom to redirect my attention.

The, conscience, can then reflect, superconscious, wisdom tells me how my relationship should proceed with this desire for a second slice of apple pie. In, meditation, that one pointed attention creates a space between stimulus and response that provides me the freedom to check with my, conscience. And the more that I do that not only create a large resource of creativity coming from the, conscience, to solve all sorts of situations. But I also am continuously building the muscles of willpower to do what's to be done, when it's to be done and not to do what is not to be done. And when it is not to be done.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Get the conscience involved with every decision

Myrna; How can we reap instant benefits from employing our, conscience, in every decision that we make?

Leonard: That brings up a very important point to do with the, law of karma. That simply means that thoughts lead to action, action, which leads to consequence. Now, as we mentioned a few moments ago most of us feel that the consequence that we want to experience in every relationship is, happiness, to carry good health in body and mind. The question is, do we have a business for that?

I call it the, bridge of yoga. The, bridge of yoga, is a philosophical and a scientific bridge that encourages us 24/7 to base our outer actions thoughts, words and deeds, on the, superconscious wisdom, that is within us, that is us at the core of our being. And the more that I can employ that, bridge of yoga, we can call it anything, we can call it the bridge of Christianity, the bridge of Judaism, the bridge of Islam. You see, you can come up with your own name, but is the more that we base our outer actions. The wise good counsel the, conscience, we are continuously enabled, meekly fulfill the purpose of life without pain, misery or bondage.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Sowing and reaping begin with our thoughts, I can't even raise my hand without first undertaking a thought. The mind moves first, the body just follows. So, what we want the bodies to take an action to bring about a consequence that will bring me, happiness, health and security. I better examine my thoughts.

Because not every thought is going to bring the, happiness, bring me security, or bring the health of the, conscience. If I counsel with the, conscience, and I can quiet the, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, after they make the presentation of their limited perspectives. The, conscience, will tell me what's to be done.

book Your Conscience
book Your Conscience

Your Conscience

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Your Conscience” why did you write it and what do you want readers to walk away with after writing after reading it?

Leonard: I wrote it during the first months of COVID. I was in quarantine and a teacher. I had people coming to the American meditation Institute where I teach. But they weren't coming because everybody was in quarantine at the time. So how am I going to reach people? What do I have that I can give them?

People are in tremendous amount of pain and they don't have the tools. This goes back to scouting. They don't have the tools to be prepared for whatever life can throw them. What can I give them?  I asked myself, I said, the most important thing I can give them is an understanding of the functions of the mind and how to coordinate them serve the, conscience. And so that's why I wrote the book.

Myrna; What do you want them to walk away with?

Leonard: The only thing that I would like them to walk away with is not believe me. I don't want anyone who can hear this, to believe a word I am saying. But I would appreciate it. I will support you if this is true. If you're interested and willing to experiment with your own, conscience, in all sorts of situations, but make sure that they're all easy at first.

You don't want to just pick up 200 pounds thinking that you're going to build muscles when you've never done any kind of exercise before. Start with one or two pounds and then three or four and then five and 10 pounds. And within a short time, you'll be building some muscles without injuring yourself. So, if you're interested at all, turn your entire life into a laboratory to experiment with your own, conscience, and see what happens. Train and love and parent, your, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind.

Conclusion

Myrna: How can readers pick up a copy of your book. What's your social media handles if anyone wants to follows you? And of course, you are the director of the American meditation Institute's you can also talk about that.

Leonard: Well, yes, I founded the American meditation Institute in 1996. And our website is www.Americanmeditation.org.  On the homepage, you can see our foundation course which provides a full curriculum of everything that I've been discussing. There's also on the homepage, a free link to a Sunday meditation every Sunday from 930 to 11am. Eastern time, you get a, free guided meditation, and a free date to discuss philosophical questions, just like Myrna and I have been discussing today. You also get a free recording.

Additional Resources

Six Rules of The Mind

Who Are You? How To Connect To Your Inner Guidance

Matheo Galatis teaches how we can connect to our, inner guidance system, to know ourselves and to find, who are you, your beliefs systems inherited from your, genetic patterns. Once you know, who are you, then you will be able to use the, law of Attraction, to get the things you want in life.

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BIO

Matheo Galatis founder  of the, Know Yourself teachings, aimed at supporting you to cut through the confusion in the, personal development industry, and learn about the hidden dynamics that affect your life. He has trained over 200 professional coaches, was a director of a coaching company in South Africa, worked in organizations such as Oracle stratus, South Africa, Mars, Africa and clients from 27 different countries, ranging from successful CEOs, political and public personalities, executives, coaches, trainers, therapists, and entrepreneurs.

But they are mistaking the, personal development industry, to a whole new level by supporting people to find what he calls your, transformational why. The one thing that usually prevents people from getting, unstuck, and achieving their desires.

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Athletic greens
Athletic greens

We develop our belief systems from genetic patterns

Myrna: That's an awesome Bio.  It seems that you are in the work of service helping people to get to know them selves again.  What was your journey to becoming a teacher of, personal development? How do we pick up these, genetic patterns?

Matheo: Essentially this is what happens.  To know, who are you, and, know yourself, I explain in quite a bit of detail the different ways we take on stuff from our parents and the generations before. It can happen through observation. When we're growing up, we have certain experiences and we observe our parents, we start mimicking what our parents do.

So, that's one way, but it runs even deeper. Our parents, sometimes they have something unexpressed in themselves, a dream or maybe an emotion that's suppressed. And they've suppressed that, they push it down. Now what happens is when they conceive a child, the DNA of the supreme shun or the suppression is obviously encoded into the gene, because everything is according to the gene.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

The suppression gene and knowing who you are

The gene knows there's a, suppression, and that gene goes into the child and the child now has a, suppression. Now the job of the, suppression, sharing is not to be there. The purpose is when something's suppressed, it's suppressed  momentarily or temporarily moved and at some point in life it needs to be expressed in words.

For example, if someone has a, suppression, at a very young age and they don't process it, its hard for them to know, who you are.  They don't work through the short stays inside the system, it's frozen inside the, muscle memory, in the, subconscious mind, of the brain. And what happens is they continue living with us. Now if they don't deal with it in their lifetime, that's obviously restoring the genes and is going to get passed on to the next generation.

Children don't do well at home, they don't become aware of it that's gonna get passed on, so we have something in our evolution that is already in inside of us to help us with, traumatic patterns.  Some emotions are blocked, so when children are born later on life at some point they are triggered and that's what pushes the buttons of the parents.

When children start behaving in ways the parents don't like, I call the parent control we think wow my child is out of character. The child is not actually out of character, the child is just mirroring or expressing things that the parent doesn't want to see inside themselves and haven't processed within themselves.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Finding who you are from subconscious patterns

Children will start acting out bringing forth, subconscious patterns, from their parents. A, guidance system, is your, spiritual journey, where you've got like a router or an angel or your higher self, and they're communicating with you.  I like to call this the, inner guidance system, is the connection to your, true self, and finding out, who are you.

Your, guidance system, helps you connect to your, true self, when you're not connected to your, true self. When you're connected to yourself, you're able to distinguish in an instant, what is true and right for you versus what is not. In an instant, there is no debate in the mind. There's just a sense of yes or a sense of no. And it's not happening from a fear.  It's not happening from a desire, it's happening from this, inner knowing.

These, beliefs, are part of our, belief system, there are, family patterns.  So, an example with a, belief system.  If you have a, belief system, I'm not worthy, how do you behave? If you're very insecure how do you behave? The other way is to trying to cover up the perceived unworthiness and show that you're worthy. The, belief system, I'm not worthy is a persona which is not you, it's just a, belief system.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Who are you? Are You a people pleaser?

This belief of unworthiness can develop into a, people pleaser.  I'm a, people pleaser. The, people pleaser,  that person owner's a person has developed in order not to feel the unworthiness.

Myrna:  I get what you're saying a lot of times they say the extroverts are covering up some some deep down feeling as well that's why they need to be the life of the party.

Okay so alright so what we're talking about though is our, inner guidance system, and, knowing yourself.  What you're saying is you let people understand that the personality that they're projecting to the world is not real.  And you help them to connect to their, inner guidance system, to know themselves.

Letting your inner guidance system uncover who you are

Matheo:  Right. So that's what I mean by, inner guidance system, is that you have a an innate intelligence telling you what's true and right for you right now. It tells you, who you are.

Myrna: So talk about whats behind, beliefs. I know we talked about that a little bit, but maybe we can expand on it a little bit by because you said, belief systems, are difficult to resolve. So so let's go with our example that we're talking about this person that, you know, doesn't feel that there were any.

So when you go into the training and coaching, you help them understand to peel away those layers and understand, who you are. They're maybe not feeling worthy because of something they inherited or maybe something somebody said to them 40 years ago, or whatever, you need to peel that back. But why do you think it's difficult for someone to resolve that specific, belief system?

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

Your beliefs are not who you are

Matheo: It is challenging working with a, belief system.  A, belief system, was created a long time ago so around up to the age from conception up to the age of seven, eight years old our, belief systems, about ourselves and about life and about other people are formed.

How we perceive the world is being created, so this is at an age where the brain is just absorbing everything that is happening in the world and making associations.  But a lot of people might rarely even get to that, belief system, because they're dealing with other, belief systems.

I developed a belief of I'm shy or a persona I'm shy. And because this happened at two years old, I grew up as a shy person, knowing that oh, I'm just shy, I'm just a quiet person, so I'll become an accountant and an auditor. Yeah, because I'm shy. So, who are you? Are you shy or an extrovert?

Train yourself to connect to your emotions, train your souls to connect to your body, so that you know how you feel at any time, whether it's good or bad emotions doesn't matter, connect to them. Allow yourself to have these emotions, because that's how you're going to go down into the, beliefs, and into the other aspects that are hidden inside of you.

And that's what we want to identify and remove what's hidden. Because when you remove what's hidden, then you start to become more and more free.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

How to know yourself

Myrna: And that's how you, know yourself, and find out, who you are. This is what we're talking about here. I had a short stint with a therapist. I talked to her for about a month or so, and one of the things I got from those sessions was not to stuff down my feelings but to catch them and breathe into them.

This has been an incredible conversation to highlight your skills highlight what you do for people. And I will tell you there's so many people that are walking around don't know, who they are. I don't want to use I use the word broken,  but people become broken from past traumas.  So what you what you're doing is phenomenal. Tell us how somebody can sign up or how you offer this training.

Matheo:  The teachers that came before me and many researchers and scientists know that the subconscious runs our life. We're able to to retrain and recondition the subconscious, but doing it the correct way is important. We have to uncover what's causing In the subconscious mind to dictate our lives.  So I put together the, Know Yourself teachings, and this essentially  explains step by step how finding out, who you are, works, how thoughts become, beliefs, how emotions work.

Using your inner guidance system to find out who you are

Emotions, are like a garden system, we go in and out gamify.  Not listening to your, inner guidance system, does not bring you back on track.

Myrna: So explain how our, internal guidance system, works when we're not listening to our own, inner guidance.

Matheo:  I go through the five different ways that we take on stuff from our parents, help clients realize that there was are many patterns running their life. Many of them was the specifically looking at the, family patterns.

Connect with Matheo and get access to the Know Yourself Teaching @ http://matheogalatis.com/

Additional Resources

5 Ways Millennials Can Stimulate Personal Development

What Is The Foundation Of Happiness

What is the, foundation of happiness? We live in a culture where, happiness, is largely based on external forces. Like, what did we get and what did we achieve? And that's basically your, foundation of happiness. And when our life conditions don't match your expectations, we experience pain and fear. We suffer and become unhappy.

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Foundation of Happiness is Inner peace

But imagine what it would feel like if you could create a constant sense of, inner peace, and freedom and live each day in a beautiful state. Hi, I'm Coach Myrna young and welcome to, Five minute Fridays with Coach Myrna. I want to ask you what's preventing you from, happiness, and living in a state of, peace and joy?

I remember watching the, happiness movie, once. And this was a documentary that was recorded in India, where people who are living on maybe $100 a year living in huts with just covering over their head, most of them sleeping on rocks on the floor. And they were, happy. And this is why this was so unusual in the documentary.

It looked at the, foundation of happiness, what is happiness, and what causes, happiness. The end result of what that movie was trying to show was that it doesn't matter how poor you are, it doesn't matter if you don't have a lot of money. What matters most to the people and the, foundation of happiness, is family, and love.

Happiness, is making sure your children are safe and things like that.  Research shows that 85% of our, happiness, comes from our, relationships. It's not just, relationships, with people, it's, relationship, with God as well.  If you don't believe in God, then your, relationship, with the planet and the universe becomes important, but that is basically how we find, true happiness.

The, foundation of happiness, is living a life of peace and joy. Now, there's a time when I believed that your spouse, or your children or your boss, or somebody was responsible for our, happiness, but nobody can be responsible for your, happiness. I remember when Jennifer Gardner told the world that Ben Aflec was not responsible for her, happiness. He was not the foundation of her happiness.  of course they broke up because he was cheating on her with the nanny but even though she was hurt her, happiness, did not come from external sources and events.

Definition of happiness

Nobody can be responsible for our, happiness. You think that you're going to be happy when you get a husband or when you get that new car or that new job. But once you get, what you find is when you get these things, you're not really happy, because, happiness, only comes from internal sources, and I personally found that the, definition of happiness, is correct.

It's true.

The, definition of happiness, is working towards a goal or purpose.

And that's where my, happiness, comes from. My ,happiness, comes from me trying to excel in what I do. I am a host on a radio program, podcast, I'm a lifecoach. Things that I am working towards, in order to better myself. I learn something new every day because, I practice CANI which is constant and never ending improvement. And when I find that I'm growing then I'm happy.

Good, personal relationships, enhances my life, when you're fighting with your husband you're not thinking of what you don't have in your life.  When you're in the lack mode, you really can't access your, inner peace,  and joy that actually brings you, happiness. So I want you to discover what's holding you back from, happiness.

What's holding you back from being happy. I would like to encourage you to tap in to, inner peace, with, meditation, and, mindfulness, and start living in the, present moment, because, happiness, can only be found in the present moment. That is the, foundation of happiness, being in the present moment. Not in the past, not in the future.

Take the time to sit with your feelings of unhappiness, or pain, or regret. And maybe you can even try to find a lesson in it. Because there's a test in every testimony. So try to find what the universe or God was trying to teach you with that circumstances that you said, made you unhappy. And then once you sit with it, and feel the pain and not trying to, self medicate, with drugs or food or sex or whatever you do to try to feel better.

You just sit with the painful feelings. When you sit with it, then you you will find that you can stop the pain and allow life to unfold in the beautiful way that it was meant to be. One of the things I do to stop the minor irritations in my personal life and that are trying to take my joy and peace away is to breathe deeply.

People will always irritate you.  My little irritation comes when I call my husband, and he doesn't pick up the phone, and I'm wondering why he can't hear the phone, or my kids leave the house and not tell me where they're going and I think it's disrespectful. So I've learned to do something that's called R&R which is, relax and release. And what this is,  I breathe in deeply and relax and then I breathe out through my mouth and release it out.

If you do this breathing method for a few minutes, then you will find that that irritation is no longer there. And the next time that person does that same thing, then you're actually not going to get irritated because you caught it. Caught it and you relaxed and you released it.

Conclusion

So that is all for today's five minutes with Coach Myrna. I hope that I shared a few things on, happiness foundation, and maybe you can start doing some of these things. In order for you to, be happy. Remember, happiness, is not from external sources. It is only from your internal peace or moving towards a goal or desire. What you moving towards it, you're in alignment with the universe and you will be happy. So until next time, Namaste

Additional Resources

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

How to Rewire The Brain to Engage The Law Of Attraction

Bob Doyle, from, the Secret, teaches that we need to do more than concentrate on our, vibration, and, vision boards, for, the law of attraction, to work.  We must, rewire our brains.   He teaches that the metaphysical aspects of, the law of attraction, or the “reality creation” process is what controls our experiences.

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Bio

Bob Doyle is best known for his contribution to the film and book “The Secret” as a law of attraction expert and coach.  He has been teaching these principles through programs, live events, podcasts, live streams, coaching, writing, and even virtual reality, since 1988. He is driven by his passion for creative self-expression and his work is heavily focused on helping people decide whom they want to be and how they want to express themselves.

Recently Bob's attention has shifted from the metaphysical aspects of the, law of attraction, or reality creation process to a more grounded and biological look at what controls our experiences…our, brain.

The Law of Attraction and the Secret

Myrna: After 20 years, why to shift away from the, law of attraction, and, the Secret?

Bob: So, after, the Secret, especially, a lot of people got in the game, the law of attraction, experts were putting out their programs and a lot of them didn't really have the research or experience. They were sort of regurgitating what they got from, the Secret, or had heard. And what happened was that people got very confused about this, law of attraction. Some of them who had not heard of it before, the Secret, got understandably excited about it.

They thought this is how I'm going to get everything I want in my life. I want to learn more about it. So, they go out in the world, and they start learning about it. And they're learning all of these techniques and they're learning about, vibration, and resistance and vibrational resonance, and all this stuff. They're learning about, vision boards, and lists and, visualization, and the whole thing. It's a lot that they're trying to figure out and they're trying all of these different techniques and they're so focused on getting the, law of attraction, right, that they're putting almost no focus on the most important thing, which is who do they need to be to attract those things.

When it is through who we're being, that things happen in the world, our action is expressed the things we say, the thing how we make meaning in the world is all at all a factor of our, brains wiring. So, our experience of reality is all based on how our, brain, is processing this ocean of energy. So, if we're not getting the results that we want in our life, it’s ultimately a factor of our, brains wiring. So, the reason I'm shifting from, law of attraction, to changing your, brains wiring,  in terms of a focus for teaching and coaching and, transformation, is because there's nothing to get confused about.

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Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Rewiring the brain to get results

You don't have to worry about all the processes and the techniques and getting it wrong and self-doubt and all of that stuff. That's it, and that's proven science. So how do we change your, brain, so that you can become the person that get the results or attract the results you want?

Myrna: That's awesome. I do believe that again. I'm one of the ones that went after, the Secret, trying to understand, the law of attraction, and the, vision boarding, and, vibration. But what you're saying is that if you keep your thoughts clean, and your energy positive, the law of attraction, is not going to work for you unless you, rewire the brain.

Bob: No, it's not so, this is the problem. We're getting into this, law of attraction, it’s always working. It's always working and the focus that we're putting on it is confusing the issue. We don't need to understand how gravity works for the glass to fall when we let go of it. We also don't need to understand how, the law of attraction, works. What we need to do is focus on what action we need to take every day so that, the law of attraction, works automatically.  Everything in your life, you're attracting it, because you're on this sort of default way of being.  It's an, autopilot.

You may not think of it that way. But because of your, brain's wiring, you're not consciously looking at how can you improve your wiring, you're probably going on, autopilot. And all of those, autopilot, behaviors are getting results in the world, that result in your reality.  So different results come from different action, different ways of being.

Myrna: right. Okay, so we're talking about, rewiring the brain, but we're talking also about energy and, vibration. I'm trying to understand it for the people that are believed that the energy and vibration is responsible for attracting before we get onto the rewiring.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Law of attraction and the brain

Bob: Let me make clear that I am not against any of that, I stood for these principles for 20 years and I still believe them the vibration, the energy, the resonant. That's all there. The problem and it the magic, if you will, the invisible stuff, but all of those results in the universe presenting you with something. Now you have to act, what you've been presented, what are you going to do with it and what action can you take that will affect your, vibration, and send out the stuff all the cool, Law of Attraction, stuff. But if we focus so much on the magic issue or the invisible issue or energy, we're not rewiring our, brain.

Myrna: Alright, so that's a good a good segue into how does rewiring the, brain, help us with manifesting in the, law of attraction?

Bob: So, right now we're manifesting totally on, autopilot. For the most part, most people are manifesting is because of their, autopilot wiring, and their behaviors. So, if we want to manifest something different, then we have to focus on changing the wiring within us that will create the action that will get those results. Okay. So, rewiring, is fundamental. The whole premises of this whole conversation is that permanent, transformation. Transformation, does not happen unless the brain is rewired.

If we're not consciously reinforcing all of that, and we're allowing our old triggers to take us back into our old patterns, then we were not going to grow new neural pathways. They're going to be in a permanent place that's going to create new, autopilot behavior.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

The personality types of the brain

Myrna: So, I know what you're saying. That's why they're saying that motivation is so good because you're excited for a second, and there's no deep, transformation. Right, exactly. So, I know that you know, in our conversation, that you have a quiz that people can do to get this process started of, rewiring the brain, so you want to talk about it now.

Bob: Yeah, so the very first question is does my behavior is dictated by my wiring? I want to rewire how do I begin, right, like that makes sense. So, to really effectively, rewire the brain, you need to know where your current wiring is, so that you can recognize it when it's at play. And then you can consciously override it. That is the process that's required here. We're going to need to consistently override the old wiring, old thought process.

We're going to need to physically take different actions, we're going to have to consciously make new meaning, but for us to be able to do that we have to be able to see that we're on, autopilot, in the first place. So that's where I created this quiz. And it's called the, transformation personality type quiz. So, it's not your typical, personality type, that's out there in the corporate world. This is something I totally created just for myself based on my own experience. 20 years of dealing with people who are trying to transform that they fall into one of these or more one or more of these four types, personality types, when it comes to, personal transformation.

So, there's nothing wrong with any of these types. And just because you are one of these types, it doesn't mean that you're going to sabotage or slow your efforts. However, if you are a person who has been working on this for a while, and it seems like it should be here by now, then this is this is something you can do to try to figure out what behaviors might I have in going that are stopping me?

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Your Autopilot Response

So, the quiz identifies the, personality type. It explains the behaviors that type has that can cause self-sabotage, and then offers very specific things you can do instead. So, I invite anybody reading this, it only takes 60 seconds to take the quiz and it's free. They can go to www.TPTquiz.com. Just as multiple choice they'll know their type. They'll have a video they can watch. They there's a PDF they'll get that explains more about their type and then what they can do about it.

But we can also talk about briefly, you know the four types here so that they if they do take the quiz, then they can you know, they can understand that we're talking about them.

Myrna: Okay, briefly, what are what are the four types?

Bob: So, let's assume that they went in took the quiz and now they're back. Now the number one type most popular is the, seeker type.

The Seeker Brain

  • The, seeker type, is a person who is very committed to their, personal transformation. They really want the best in their life. And so, to do that, they try everything that comes along. There's nothing wrong with having that kind of wild enthusiasm and curiosity. However, if you're trying to implement something, a process, a new way of thinking, a structured way of thinking that is going to create wiring in your, brain, you got to stay consistent.
  • You can't just keep flip flopping from approach to approach you're giving your brain no time to grow anything. Remember it's a biological process that starts with thought and intention and consent continues with consistency.
Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

The Skeptic Brain

  • Number two – the skeptic, obviously wants the best in their life, but maybe they've been burned a few times with this when things didn't show up the way they thought and they made that mean that oh nothing really works. So, the skeptic, while committed to, transformation, generally looks at an opportunity for change. And the question they have internally is, why won't this work for me?

And when you ask yourself or the universe a question like that, you're going to get those answers. If you ask the different questions, you’ll get different answers. So, the same skeptical person who is a, skeptic, they don't want to be duped. They want to be intellectual and logical about this can ask a different question, get different results, and then actually allow themselves to take action. And it's just the opposite of the question they automatically ask.

So instead of saying, why won't this work for me, they asked How could this work for me? And leave us all their intellect in logic and see how I could work? Because if they keep asking themselves the wrong question, they'll never take action. They'll get to be right about how it will work because they'll never get a result. And the law and the logical the skeptical, brain, likes to be right they don't want to look stupid.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

The Wizard Brain

  • The next personality type is – the wizard. The Law of Attraction, community feels, the skeptic, is all logic and the, wizard, is all invisible trust and magic. Rituals, vision boards, the list, visualization, they're just conjuring mentality like I'm using the, law of attraction, to change the energy of the universe so that they will do my bidding, rather than changing themselves. This is where the, alchemy, needs to begin. And then the universe will respond to you, you have to be a cause.
  • So, the wizard, brain,  and all of their rituals helps it's what you were talking about. There is the energy, there is the, vibration. All this stuff is happening. It's sending stuff out there, if you will, but it also needs to be affecting who you are being in the world. You cannot just sit cross legged and be your, wizard, in your cave and not show the world how you are now this new person.
  • So, the wizardry, brain, needs to be around visioning yourself as this ultimate, wizard. you that's what you're conjuring, not the stuff, not the money, you're conjuring the best version of who will take the action to get those things.

The Heartbreaker Brain

  • The last one is the – heartbreaker, brain.  The, heartbreaker, is the, people pleaser. And the, people pleaser, is someone who really wants to transform and I know that this happens for a lot of people. They stop their progress when the people around them start to get uncomfortable. Start to comment, what are you doing, who do you think you are? Or in some other way, add a negative layer of emotion to your journey.
  • And so, for whatever your reasons you stop, whether it's to make them comfortable, yourself comfortable or whatever, you stop your journey. Now, a lot of times it is so that mom will be uncomfortable. You won't make that person mad. You're trying to keep everybody comfortable.
  • Transform your Mind Podcast Index
    Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Neuroplasticity of the brain

Myrna: All right. How does, neuroplasticity, fit in into, rewiring the brain? Can you make the connection for us?

Bob: Well, neuroplasticity, is the brain's ability to rewire. So, in essence, it's the same thing. So, neuroplasticity, there's a there's neurogenesis or the ability to grow new brain cells and all those other things, and then, neuroplasticity, which is the ability for it to change. And that's really all we're focused on. There's a lot of people out there in the community, the personal development communities, we're talking about the, brain, now who might have been talking to, law of attraction, before I'm not the only one.

And a lot of these people will go very deep into the parts of the, brain, and how this is all happening. Personally, I'm intentionally not doing that because I'm afraid that what's going to happen is people are going to get focused on that again, just like they were all, the law of attraction, stuff. We weren't meant to have to understand all of us.

We weren't born into this human experience with all this amazing creative potential that we have needing to know all the ins and outs of the biology and how it works. We don't need to know that. All we need to know is that this right here is a reality creation machine. And all we need to do is feed it the vision that we want for ourselves and then move and act and be in alignment with the person who would have that vision and it will all just take care of itself.

But we are adults and just waking up to this we have to understand we have a lifetime wiring a lifetime and it doesn't seem like wiring. It just seems like our truth. And so, anything radically outside of our truth, we're going to have conflict with it. It doesn't fit into our normal paradigm. But we can look past that and see that in the world.

There are people who have the success and the things that we want. It is possible but they are being something different. You don't have to be them. But there is certain action that they're taking, certain ways of being that they are that have brought them those results. It's not magic. It's the result of logical action that you're taking.

Rewiring the brain on autopilot

Myrna: You said something earlier that I want to connect the dots, because you're talking about, rewiring the brain, but that can also be the same thing as, reprogramming. And we're all programmed, by the time we're seven years old, in order to be erase the tape, then we have to, rewire the brain. So, once they take the quiz and then become conscious of their programming. Because 95% of people are not conscious of their programs.

The, Law of Attraction, is working all the time, consciously or unconsciously. What are you thinking? What do you say? I don't want this. That's what's going to show up. What do you say I want this, maybe sometimes it shows up. Whatever is happening to us is that we're recreating it. So, talk a little bit about, autopilot.

Bob: Well, autopilot, if we do not wake up to our wiring to see that we are in fact program. We can probably see some program behavior, we do rituals every day and so on, but how we make meaning out of our lives and how that causes us to take action or not take action. If we don't wake up to that then we are by default on, autopilot, which means we're literally robots just reacting to stimuli based on the wiring that we've the programming that we've been given that we have mostly, subconsciously, just led in without too much critical thinking or evaluating.

So now everything we're doing is on, autopilot, for the most part, even though sometimes it feels like we're making a conscious decision. What is driving that decision? It's probably some, unconscious wiring, that hasn't been properly evaluated, especially if it is in some way limiting you from moving forward toward your dreams. So, we're all running on some sort of, autopilot, until we realize that we are and start being conscious about it.

So, then we get conscious about it for a while, long enough for new neural pathways to form and now we have a new, autopilot, and that, autopilot, is manifesting on a different level. It's creating different results because we visualize what we need to do.  We take that action, we make different meaning, we don't buy into old limiting stories. So much of a part of this is giving up all of our old stories.

Beliefs and the Brain

Myrna; The old stories, you're talking about beliefs?

Bob: Beliefs, like my dad did this, or I've lived here and I didn't have this and bla bla bla all the reasons, all the sad stories. And the thing is this, yeah, if you keep hanging on to those, beliefs, you will always be a prisoner of them. You have to let them go and tell yourself a new story. Because most of what you're telling yourself in this story that is affecting you and causing you to not take action, is a lie.

Anyway, its interpretation is something you made up based on some action that did occur. How you move forward in your life is something that you made up based on your wiring. So, we want to create wiring in the, brain, that moves you in the action that you need to take to get what you want.

Myrna: How can readers learn more about your program and what you offer. How you help people, rewire their brain?

Bob: Well, the quiz is a good front door to everything, because then we all know where we stand. I know how to help you, and you could use some assistance, so that is a good way to get it.  After you take the quiz, you'll learn about our boundless living challenge, which is where I do the work with people. It's an online community. They have 45 days of new content every day that's real short and concise. They know exactly what to do every day.

They have tools to deal with the emotional spikes that come with all of this rewiring process. They have coaching on a regular basis. All the things I know after 20 years of coaching people actually helps people make a change, isn't it? If they just want to know more general stuff about me there's www.meetBobdoyle.com that just my website, you can get to the quiz from there as well. And then you can also see how I coach and train and some of the other stuff that I'm doing.

https://youtu.be/jt2LMmpSsY8

Additional Resources

The Law of Attraction: How Vibrational Energy Works

 

Sometimes You Have To Jump In

Fear, can keep you on the sidelines.  Sometimes you have to tell, fear, you are not welcome here and just, jump in.  Sometimes it is a life-or-death situation like drowning, other times it is jumping in that job you are not sure of, jumping in the marriage even though you have doubts, jumping into taking that night class even though you don’t know how you will juggle child care and a full-time job.

First Corinthians 2:9 says, “However, as it is written: ‘What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived’ — the things God has prepared for those who love him.” But in order to experience what He has prepared for us, we have to, jump in.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10653649-sometimes-you-have-to-jump-in.mp3?download=true

Don't let your children drown: Jump in

When I was a young mother, my greatest, fear, was what would I do if my kids were drowning. Would I, jump in, to save them even though I didn’t know how to swim?

I quieted that, fear, by taking a swimming class at the YWCA and also making sure that my children learned to swim. Both my children are strong swimmers and can swim in the ocean. My skills are limited to the pool.

But I recently heard a story that made my blood run cold. At a church picnic by the river a young boy accidentally stepped into the deep end and went under water. Six other boys, jumped in, to save him. All six of them drowned; they never came back up. All six of them had parents watching who never, jumped in, to save them, because they didn’t know how to swim. So, I am asking you this question. If you don’t how to swim would you, jump in, to save your child?

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Should you jump in?

So many times, we are faced with this decision in life should I, jump in, and trust God to take my hand and bring me out? Or do I let, fear, keep me on the side lines? Sometimes it is a life-or-death situation like drowning, other times it is jumping in that job you are not sure of, jumping in, the marriage even though you have doubts, jumping into taking that night class even though you don’t know how you will juggle child care and a full-time job.

How many women did not accept that marriage proposal in their 20s because you were afraid to, jump in, and today you are alone because you never got another proposal? If you had, jumped in, God may have taken your hand and allowed you to navigate the rough waters.  My husband proposed to me after 11 months and I decided to, jump in, and quiet the negative thoughts that told me you should date for 2 years before getting married because people show their true colors after 2 years.  This month is out 16-year wedding anniversary.  God has held my hand through the rough times.

Moses, Jeremiah and Gideon jumped in the deep end of God’s will, and God did amazing works through each of them.

Jump in and tell the Devil to get behind you

Look the Devil in the eye and tell him get behind me Satan, not today. You are not keeping me on the sidelines rooted in fear. I am jumping in.

Allowing the, fear, of “what if” to mess with our mind and rule our heart will smother your confidence and courage with an avalanche of doubt.

Fear, has no choice but to leave the premises when we stand on God’s promises and say, “You are not welcome here.” I am, jumping in, and trusting God.

Tell the Devil “You can’t have my peace; you can’t have my family”

If you are fearful, jump in.

If you get in the water this is where healing takes place. If you get in the water God will show up.

You have to learn how to hold on to something that is broken until you get to the next level.

Stay afloat by just kicking your feet. Refuse to go down, just keep kicking.

Refuse to do the backstroke. You are never going back to feeling like that. You are never going back to loneliness. Don’t be afraid of the water. God has not given you a, spirit of fear.

Declare faith over fear and, jump in.

https://youtu.be/FYpwLm3YWSs

Additional Resources
https://myhelps.us/no-fear-live-with-courage/