Effective communication skills is measured by active listening, your communication style and whether you are an open or closed communicator. Why is being a, closed communicator, bad? Because as a closed off person, you become defensive, resistant, bitchy, moody, easy to anger, confrontational, and not open to feedback.
Here is a brief Biography of my guest Gail Green.
• Gail is a leadership coach and trainer and her topic today is “How to find out if you are an, open communicator, or, closed communicator, in your business environment. Gail is a leader who connects individuals and teams to their truth, helping them to discover their full expression of courage, joy and fulfillment. Gail works with all sizes of companies, as well as individually with leaders, and do life coaching with individuals from all walks of life.
• Gail’s primary work is in leadership development, team-building, stress management and teaching, effective communication skills.
Why is being a, closed communicator, bad? Because as a closed off person, you become defensive, resistant, bitchy, moody, easy to anger, confrontational, and not open to feedback.
So as a Leader, it is important to be open to your team and employees. Open people radiate outwards from their heart and is able to touch others.
If you want to impact your employees and your customers, then learn how to be open.
Listen to the podcast as Gail teaches us how to be, Open vs Closed communication. with the help of her Go Cards.
Effective Communication skills: Open Communicator
Effective communication, requires us to be clear and complete in what we are trying to express. Being an, effective communicator, in our professional and personal lives involves learning the skills to exchange information with clarity, empathy, and understanding.
Are You also Closed Off in your personal relationships And Don’t Even Know It?
How Would you answer the following questions?
Are you emotionally guarded?
Are you willing to take risks?
If you answered yes to these questions, it could mean that you are closed off emotionally.
Sometimes being emotionally guarded gets you into bad situations; but most of the time it gets you nowhere. In every area of life, there is no reward if there is no risk taken. So that could be why you keep finding yourself in relationships that bore you, or in relationship with other emotionally closed off individuals. Because like attracts like. Those relationships aren’t very rewarding, are they? If you don’t take the risk
By putting your true self and your true feelings on the table, those are the types of relationships that you will attract. Your emotionally open friends will get those giddy, best-friends-lovers, movie-type romances; you will get the dead-end ones. Maybe you’ve never had your heart broken, and maybe you think that’s a perk. But it’s not. It is said that it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all! So, I will ask the question. Are you closed off and don’t even realize it?
Here are 10 ways to tell if you are a closed communicator:
1. Do you feel like first dates are interrogations, and are put off by the line of questioning you receive during them?
2. Does it feel very inappropriate to you whenever someone becomes emotional around you?
3. Do your friends share their romantic stories with you? Or do they feel that you are never happy for them so they don’t share?
4. Do you attract cocky guys?
5. You do a lot of Googling before first dates.
6. You prep your friends to meet a guy.
7. Sex is a competition.
8. You’ve never cried to a partner or shown your venerability.
9. Eye contact makes you very uncomfortable
10. You’re very sarcastic
Show Notes: Effective Communication Skills
Topic: Are you an Open or Closed Communicator?
1. Question 1: Tell us your journey towards becoming a Leadership coach
2. Question 2: How did you come to specialize in Open vs closed communication and effective communication?
3. Question 3: How does a leader know if he or she is open or, closed communicator? What determines that?
4. Question 4: If a leader becomes closed off, how can he or she trace the source?
5. Question 5: Why should leaders want to become, open communicators? What are the benefits of being an, open communicator?
6. Question 6: What tools do you offer as a coach to help clients who are closed off to become, open communicators?
7 Question 7: You sent me this beautiful set of Go Cards, how does one use these cards to change their state?
Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective.
Shari Foos is a Marriage and Family Therapist, adjunct professor and the creator of The Narrative Method, a California 501c3 non-profit organization. Part of the Human Connection movement, TNM creates programs, products and experiences that address the growing isolation and need for real connection through sharing stories. Foos also co-founded the Bridge in 1999, a free humanities program for low-income adults at Antioch University Los Angeles. She received a MS in Narrative Medicine from Columbia University and a MA in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles.
As a sought-after expert on the subject of, relationships, remote group dynamics and meaningful connection, her writing and commentary have appeared in a range of online and print publications and podcasts, including Real Simple, Huffington Post, Women’s Health, KBLA, Fatherly, Thrive Global, Shondaland, The LA Weekly, Sparks & Honey Culture Briefings, Sondership, Let Pleasure be The Measure, and Bustle. Ms. Foos serves on the board of the City Kids Foundation and is the recipient of the New Directions for Veterans Community Hero Award (2015) and The Antioch University Los Angeles Lifetime Achievement Award (2016).
Sponsored AD
One of the best things you can do to improve your health is get at least 7 hours of quality sleep every night. I know, it’s hard to get that much sleep. But listen, it’s super important. Because your body heals itself when you sleep.
And if you’re not getting enough quality sleep, you’re increasing your risk of disease and make it harder to lose weight!
Would you like to know an easy way to get more quality sleep every night? Make sure you’re getting enough MAGNESIUM.
Believe it or not, around 75% of people don’t have enough of it. Which helps explain why so many people have sleep problems.
Unfortunately, most magnesium supplements are not full spectrum. So, they won’t fix your magnesium deficiency or help you sleep better.
There are actually 7 unique forms of magnesium, and you must get ALL of them if you want to experience its calming, sleep-enhancing effects. That’s why I recommend Magnesium Breakthrough by Bi-Optimizers.
Simply take two capsules before you go to bed and you’ll be amazed by how much better you sleep.
Shari: I do think every one of us has had, trauma, different degrees, but we certainly all know the feeling of loss or shame or humiliation, or unfair treatment etc. I think of emotions like a piano with all of the keys, we have all of them to different extents at different times. But even if we don’t always use those really high notes or the low, low, low, notes, they’re there and that serves as our empathy. And because of that, we can sit with someone who’s going through something terrible that maybe in our day-to-day life, we’ve never experienced, but we can feel it in our soul because it’s a human experience.
When we put ourselves aside to be truly present and available with our lovingness acceptance or non-judgment or empathy, to hear someone’s story, from their perspective, not our judgment or assumptions. That person feels better. No matter what the problem is, they feel better, because without being heard, we go crazy, that is all part of, relational mindfulness.
When someone comes to you who you love, and they’re really excited about something and you’re so excited with them, that’s when you are aligned, right? You are, head-to-head, heart to heart. That’s easy. But when somebody comes to you, with a complexity that you have a lot of feelings about whether it’s addiction or someone’s choice of spouse or whatever that may be. It’s more difficult. And that’s why we practice awareness, wonder, empathy that is called, AWE, or, relational mindfulness.
Sponsored Ad
I want to introduce you to the amazing beauty brand Thrive Causemetics. A High-performance beauty and skin-care products line made with clean, skin-loving ingredients.
I have been using Thrive Causemetics brilliant eye brightener, liquid balm lip treatment and liquid lash extensions mascara. My Facebook friends all commented on how my eyes were popping, and how beautiful my lashes looked. And of course, my brilliant smile with the lip treatment.
The Liquid Lash Extensions Mascara is Thrive Causemetics Best-selling product with more than 20,000 five-star reviews. This Ultra-lengthening, eye-opening mascara lasts all day without clumping, smudging, or flaking.
Thrive Causemetics mission is Bigger Than Beauty™: For every product purchased, Thrive Causemetics donates to help communities thrive (they have over 300 giving partners across the country supporting numerous causes).
Now is a great time to get Thrive Causemetics for yourself!
Myrna: Exactly. And here’s where I think it’s going to lead into something else, I know you’re interested in, which is, relational mindfulness.
You had a bad childhood bridge, the gap for us. How did you go from having a bad childhood to being a therapist, and a, marriage therapist? Did it have something to do with your parents’ marriage?
Shari: Well, yeah, that wasn’t very good, my father was a rageaholic and it was at a time where even more so than now, there was a lack of understanding about, mental health. And so, he wouldn’t seek treatment and it just wasn’t in the mentality of people then. So as a result of my having a childhood in which I was wounded, and on top of that, I was never heard or seen, you know, and it’s not uncommon. Lots of people grow up like that, but don’t know that it could be better. So, I was fortunate in that I had friends and I would go to their houses and see like, Wait a minute. This is different from my house.
I watched Leave It to Beaver, where the father would, talk, about it in the library. Our family definitely didn’t have talks. As a result, and probably because of who I came in as into the world, I’ve just always been incredibly passionate about what makes people feel behave. So, I would study my father, the sweat on his upper lip, depending on what was happening there. I knew he was about to blow, and that’s when I got interested in, body language.
Sponsored Ad
Lets talk about Sludge, It what happens after you drive your vehicle for a while. It’s a buildup of motor oil that gels then collects dirt, metals and unburned fuel. Sludge prevents oil from getting to the critical engine parts it’s designed to protect. You’ll notice your vehicle running rough, stalling, even vibrating. That’s because friction is damaging your engine. JillCat Proline ™ is the solution. The science was engineered for aerospace, tested in professional racing and used by our military. Now you can use this well kept secret to protect your engine from future build up, extend the life of the vehicle and save on repair costs order at www.JilcatProline.com
Jilcat-proline-product-display-home
Relational mindfulness starts with reading body language
Myrna: That is excellent on so many levels. One, let’s, talk, about the, talk, issue. I mean, I love that, when I’m talking to someone on the show, I can always bring in personal experience. I read a lot of books, I listen to podcasts and watch television shows. Just yesterday, I was watching of all things Reba, where the it was meant to be comedy, but Van was talking to Reba about her relationship with her daughter and he says, you guys do something called, talk!
And that was so funny. And that’s basically what you’re just saying. You went to other places and saw people actually talking and there was no talking going on in your house. So, you’re right, about your, childhood trauma. Everything starts from there. In fact, I was even reading this book yesterday and it says that every child goes through some kind of emotional damage, even the ones that think they had a great, childhood.
So, talk to us now about, relational mindfulness, and how this, awareness, builds, relationships. You know, a lot of times men has moods, and women have moods, and being aware of when they’re going into a mood or something could be, relational mindfulness.
Sponsored Ad
Are you looking for cheap and fashionable clothing that you can create your own label? Then Check out Belentti.com. Locally produced in the US for faster production, shipping and the best quality. Belentti.com got everything you need for summer, winter and autumn to stay fresh!
Belentti clothing was created with one ambition namely customer satisfaction. Our goal is to put you first and offer the best service possible.
So, if you want to be your own label, head over to Belentti.com. Shop for hoodies and sweatshirts, tea shirts, jackets, sunglasses and much more. Shop and support a worthy cause. For every purchase Belentti.com will donate 20 cents to The Ocean CleanUp Foundation! That website again is Belentti.com.
Shari: Right, that’s a great concept. And it’s a great question. Here’s again, I know it’s a new word. It’s gonna take a while to sink in. But that talking thing, talk, talk, whatever. When you live with someone, you don’t have to consciously think whoa, his shoulders are slumped or, her bottom lip is really pouty but there is a tremendous value in our being able to break down the, communication, the nuanced, communication, that is silent, because it’s one thing that we rely on we rely on it not just for survival.
That’s what lovemaking is. And that’s what disconnecting is. So, here’s, here’s a good thing that you may do consciously or unconsciously, but you could see that the other persons in a bad mood, and then maybe it triggers you to think, Oh, great. Now I got to take care of you. You know, I have some needs too, but had you been able to, talk, to the person you both might have found out what was going on with each other? Here’s the number one thing to do. It’s so easy. If you need to have a serious, talk, because when we, talk, about, relational mindfulness, it’s a very deliberate action.
It would be really hard to live in that 24/7 You know, but it’s a state of hyper awareness. Of the impact of your words, settled communications, as well as the other person’s. And the idea is you never begin a conversation like that, unless both people in this moment feel willing to be selfless and take turns listening.
And it’s okay. It’s gotta be okay if the persons not there. Because we know that sometimes they’ll say, okay, I’ll talk about something. And if your heart isn’t into it, and a person is asking you to really look at it from my perspective, if there’s resistance, it’s not a good time to talk about it. It’s okay, let’s wait. That’s, relational mindfulness.
Sponsored AD
Dana Gillies & Tatyana Kirsanova (Best friends and corporate professionals) are the hosts of the Authenticity Atlas Podcast
This podcast is about helping people navigate their way towards a more joyful and authentic life, to learn how to become a better person and understand yourself and others better.
We are VERY vulnerable – especially considering we are corporate professionals.
Download and listen to the Authenticity Atlas Podcast on Apple iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.
Honestly, you could cancel out so many problems with, relational mindfulness. It’s just good to hear for 20 minutes five minutes, whatever. Would you be willing to have a session of all where we’re both agreeing to mutual respect, awareness, wonder and empathy, taking turns sharing our feelings and then reflecting them back to the other person.
Reflecting them back in the storyteller, making sure that they’ve got it right. And lovingly, of course, correcting each other, then we’ve got it right. Now we can move on to another point that the same person estimate or the other person can share their perspective, but constantly check in because it’s a lot to put yourself aside, especially when somebody is saying things that like, you know, 10 minutes ago.
Wait a minute. I don’t agree with that. So, one thing I often will do for myself is I’ll keep a little pen and paper just so that I can get something off my mind. I don’t even have to look at it to scribble it.
Or ask the person to stop, but everybody realizes that this is a very focused state that is difficult to maintain. There are times we maintain it for a long time, especially for meeting somebody new who may not be pushing our buttons the way our spouse does, but who out there has or has had a spouse has never felt like I’ve told you that a million times before.
I mean, if they had said what they thought they had said, you would have heard it. The problem is either in the delivery or the receiving, let’s find out. Let’s find out with the, communication.
Myrna: That’s a good point. So, you’re saying when they say that I’ve told you a million times, they’ve said it in their heads but not to you?
Shari: Or the way that they’re articulating it? isn’t getting through to you. A lot of times, they’re saying the words but their body action is not is not conveying the message, and the receiver doesn’t actually believe it.
Myrna: So that’s great. But I want to circle back to something you said there where you’re right sometimes is not the right time to ask somebody to talk or ask somebody to get into. I like that, you know, awareness, wonder, and, empathy. I normally work with energy, because I can feel, energy. And I know when it’s not the right time because of, energy. How do you respond with that?
Shari: Well, I think there are two factors for me in terms of reading someone else. One is certain things are obvious. For instance, if someone’s crying, you don’t necessarily know right off the bat, why the person is crying, or if they’re crying for joy or sadness. You soon see the difference. But we can misinterpret someone because of the way they think about something.
So even though I pay attention to my instincts, I always check in so you know if I see someone’s upset and I feel like they want to be alone, I still want to say I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if you want to, talk, about it, but I want you to know I’m here for you or I want you to know I’m so sorry I have to leave or whatever is true for you.
Myrna: I like that, because sometimes you see something and there’s one and why are you bothering me? If you’re saying you’re just checking in, I don’t know if you want to, talk, about it or not. That’s good, but I’m just checking in let me know when you want to, talk, or something like that.
We’re touching a lot of stuff on, relational mindfulness. How would you describe, relational mindfulness?
Shari: Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective. And that’s really what it is. So, the idea is, we take turns, especially if we’re having a problem with each other, we’ve already tried both talking at the same time.
And I know, we both know, we’re right, but I’m right. Okay, we’ve done that. And at some point, we may get to a place where we decide I’d rather communicate than be right sometimes I’d rather apologize can be right, because if you perceive that my action, or behavior, or style or subtle communication was offensive, it doesn’t really matter. If that was my intention. I am sorry. I’m especially sorry, that wasn’t my intention.
How does awareness wonder and empathy deepen relationships
Myrna: How do you think that, awareness, wonder, and, empathy, deepens, relationships? What does the science say?
Shari: Well, first of all, one thing that connects our brains is, eye contact, which we can accomplish online which is amazing. Our, eye contact, connects us, syncs our brains. And if we were in MRI machines, you will see our brains are lit up in the same place. But if our backs are to each other, first of all, we don’t know what expression is on someone’s face.
Maybe their faces are mean. If you’re at some level of aggravation, it’s a good time to not have an, AWE, session. Take care of yourself first, run around the block, take a shower, ask for a hug if you’re able, you know, but we need to do what we can do to kind of get our homeostasis back. I suggest to people this self-soothing tool that you can do any place at any time. You take your dominant hand, put it on your heart, and when you really start feeling your heartbeat, you let your hand take comfort from that and vice versa. So, it’s a loop of calm. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to deal with this moment.
Shari: This is the organization I founded in 2014. And it is devoted to bringing together people from completely different backgrounds to connect through sharing the stories of their lives and creative experiences. So, as I mentioned earlier, we do writing groups that are for free on online and they last one hour. You write for a total of 20 minutes, you see pictures, you get prompts. You go into breakouts; you share your stories. At the end, we do this mosaic where everybody pitches in one sentence. One hour, in and out.
Nobody has writer’s block. Nobody’s judged, nobody’s wrong. There’s no mistakes possible. People have a blast with themselves, because we’re really working on how to turn on your creative faucet without that voice inside that says how many. And then the conversation groups which we do on Thursday nights are a matter of seeing compelling videos about anything.
Then getting a prompt and going into breakouts and sharing a story that just came up as a result of those things. And so, people get to know each other because there’s no small talk. And it’s fascinating to hear, not just another person’s story, but whoa, that made you think of this? It’s fascinating. It’s so cool. We offer those free. We have classes, we do trainings. The website is www.thenarrativemethod.org
Help me, makeover my marriage, improve intimacy, find personal time and communicate better with my, husband. Communication, is very important in a, marriage, because you have to communicate to fix problems. It is a man thing, they all shut down and go into their, man cave. In fact, marriage counselors, say that the worst thing you can say to a man is “we need to talk”
Welcome to the premiere episode of, Help Me Makeover My Marriage. Today we are going to talk about, communication, in a marriage.
I’m your host Life coach Myrna Young, my guest today is Michele Brunson and together we want to share our experiences in our, marriages, to help you, makeover my marriage.
Listen to the full Episode Here:
I can be called the Marrying Woman
I have been married four times so you can call me a, marrying woman, for a total of 30 years. Michele has been married for 25 years. Her husband died last year, we give her our condolences.
We want to help you to with your, marriage makeover. A lot of times when things are not going right in our, marriage, or our, relationships, we always feel that the grass is greener on the other side, so we think I’m going to be able to find someone better, but I’ll tell you,
“The grass is never greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it.”
Wherever you put your attention on, wherever you put your focus on is definitely what’s going to grow. So Michelle and I will give you, marriage advice, and strategies to help you to, makeover my marriage.
Treat your husband according to knowledge
The reason we’re saying that, you need to be the change you seek, is because I’ve always remembered what my Pastor Tony said to me years ago, maybe about 20 years ago. A lot of times we don’t use knowledge and knowledge is never useful until used. Pastor Tony said to me. “Whenever I go to God, I never ask him to change my, wife, I ask him to change me.”
Sponsored Ad
Married and Unfiltered is a Podcast/Vlog. Think married with single people tendencies. We tackle a range of topics that married people deal with every day, but instead of sounding like your Mom, Dad, or Pastor, we’ll bring it to you like your Crazy Uncle or Cool Aunt.
Our aim is to show people it’s ok to be different and for couples or partners to live their truth securely. There’s so much judgment around what a relationship should look like, which places anxiety, stress, and pressure on married couples to fit that mold. Allow us to show you that there is no mold and how to ignore them, haters. The success of your relationship is what y’all wish it to look like.
Check out Married and Unfiltered on YouTube by clicking the link on the show page blog.myhelps.us
The reason that’s important is because like me and most of you, we’re always blaming our, husbands, or our partners for whatever is wrong in our, relationships. I am in my fourth, marriage, now as I said before and I came into this, marriage, with all kinds of expectations.
I was in my 40’s when I got, married, this last time, so I had a lot of stuff that came with me.
Baggage and expectations and I brought it all into my, marriage, and we started having all the same problems again because you are the common denominator if you have multiple, marriages, and everything follows you.
When I decided to change ME my, marriage, started getting better. This was 20 years after I heard that advice, a lot of times we have knowledge and we don’t actually use it. My current teacher, Pastor Glover would say
“treat your, husband, like he’s your king and love him the way you want to be loved.”
So that’s what I did and a remarkable thing happened! I found out that I enjoyed serving my, husband, I enjoyed treating my, husband, like my king and our relationship started to mend, because I was no longer pointing fingers. I was no longer you not talking to him because of something he wasn’t doing.
Sponsored Ad
Now that COVID restrictions are being lifted, get your salon business back in high gear with RSVIP app! This innovative mobile app will reduce crowds in salons and barbershops.
Barbers and beauticians can now offer clients instant online booking, easily accept payments, manage clients efficiently, attract new clients, and just look more professional.
There are no contracts or monthly fees – and the app is free to download from the App store or Google play store. Visit us online at rsvipllc.com and take your business to the next level today!
Book Beauty Services APP
So, in this episode and subsequent episodes we’re going to give you information on how to change YOU, because it all starts with you.
In this first segment of “Help Me Makeover My Marriage,” we’re going to do a question and answer, later segments we’ll have guests come on the show. Today we are gonna start with questions that was sent into us from my Facebook group called Lifecoach
Help me Makeover my Marriage and get Intimacy Back
Our first question comes from Debbie in Miami, Florida. Debbie writes:
I’ve been married for 12 years my, husband, and I have two children ages 7 and 10. I immersed myself in the role of mother and, wife, as a, stay-at-home mom, while my, husband, worked full-time and saw his role as the provider.
As a, stay-at-home mom, I rarely took time for myself and began to resent my, husband, for not helping with the kids and not paying me any attention. Our, intimacy, suffered and my resentment built up. I even started looking outside the, marriage, for fulfillment.
Debbie’s asks, Help me, makeover my marriage, and recapture, intimacy?
Sponsored Ad
Planet Nooky
Planet Nooky was established in 2021 To Create a World and a resource that is a safe and judgement free. The Founder Amercia Morris created Planet Nooky to promote sexual, mental , spiritual and physical healing for those who have experienced Carnal Abuse and Traumas. America’s Journey thus far which included experiencing, surviving and now thriving multiple traumas including sexual, mental & emotional, and physical she noticed After years of help from Medical Professionals that she was still not able to experience intimacy and true pleasure of sex because of the fears that still lingered in her association with sex Morris States “PTSD can be a Scary and Lonely Place those who suffer from PTSD, anxiety and or depression as a result of Carnal Abuse need more than one outlet to recover as they restore a sense of safety and empowerment” in 2015 Morris started her own Journey to research to know the true meaning behind sexual activity, health and wellbeing. Through her research she discovered how beneficial sex was and how to finally restore what was missing from her life. “My early associations with sex were all bad and misinformed the freedom to explore and be safe was taken from me at a very young age, I never was able to even give away my virginity freely, I didn’t understand and it was never taught to me how to have healthy sex” -Morris
Myrna – Debbie I had a similar experience with my second, husband, and my, marriage, ended
because I built up resentment and never communicated this to my, husband. The situation was reversed. I was the breadwinner making most of the money and he sat around doing nothing because he told me that housework and looking after the kids was women’s work.
So, here I was paying all the bills and I was being treated like the maid. I built up resentment and that, marriage, eventually ended, but now I know better. Again knowledge is only powerful when you use it. Now I know that what Debbie should do is to ask for help. She should say to her, husband.
“Babe I know that you work all day and you’re the provider for this family and we made this contract that I’m going to be a, stay-at-home mom, but I need a break. Can you help out?”
I need you to help around the house. I need you to help with the kids, because being a mom is a full-time job. He goes to work from nine to five and then he’s off, but a mom is always on the job, it’s a full-time job. Maybe also get a babysitter for kids every two weeks or something and have date night so, that you guys can be together without the kids and recapture, intimacy.
So my advice to you would be to Help, makeover my marriage, is:
First of all ask for what you want
And second, make the time to do your part.
If you have the, intention, that you are gonna love your, husband, and you’re gonna appreciate him for being the breadwinner, because that’s what he is, and you show him appreciation, he will give you back love.
Michelle what would you say to Debbie from your experience? Mitchell is actually an Intercessor, so maybe you can bring in a biblical touch or scripture from the bible that can help Debbie, makeover my marriage.
Sponsored Ad
Do you have an extra 15 minutes per day that you’re willing to set aside to create an autopilot internet business for yourself?
Let me show you a proven method that I use as an affiliate marketer online to earn huge weekly commissions.
He calls himself “More Money” and he has been changing people lives for years. His method “$20 in 20 minutes” is nothing less than amazing!!
Michele – Myrna I want to thank you for having me on your show. My advice to Debbie to help her, makeover my marriage, would first off be pray for your, husband, first because most, wives, don’t start there. Pray for your, husband, because God is his creator and he will change any situation concerning your, husband, and if your, husband, is providing for the family no, husband, wants to come home after fighting all day at work and have to fight with his, wife.
So, the first thing that she needs to do is have peace in her home, if her, husband, is providing and it’s for a season, because like you said y’all in this contract together and you chose to be a, stay-at-home mom.
Another, marriage advice, would be to have a schedule because some women don’t know how to have a schedule. Monday you might do one thing, Tuesday something else. Don’t try to do everything all at once, that’s how you get overwhelmed and burnt out.
If you feel mis-valued in your, marriage, you should have, communication, with your, husband, about it. You should value one another, you value him as your king. Once you start with valuing your, husband, and appreciating him for who he is. He’s going out there making it happen every day and providing for you and the kids, you should make him feel comfortable in his own home.
Marriage Makeover Wives become a Woman of Noble Character
As, wives, we create the atmosphere in the home. I would have her reflect on Proverbs 31:
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
16. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Sponsored Ad
SERGIO LUCIANO WATCHES
Would you like to Stop wearing a watch and start wearing a timepiece? Then Sergio Luciano watches are for you. Find out why most luxury men’s watch searches start and end with Sergio Luciano Watches. Perfect timepieces that make a perfect statement. At Sergio Luciano their watch specialists have worked hard to become the greatest reliable marketplace for luxury men’s watches online. You’ll love the look; you’ll love the price. Now is the time to love their design.
Head over to Sergio-luciano.com and Use coupon code coachMyrna to get 15% off your order.
Myrna – That’s what we fail to do sometimes as women, we forget to take care of ourselves. Self-care, is very important and that’s what she’s lacking, because she’s so consumed with looking after the kids she’s not doing, self-care. Self-care, also leads to, intimacy, because if you look good you’re going to feel good and your, husband, is going to feel that, sexual energy.
What advice do you give Debbie for re-establishing, intimacy, with her husband?
A practical way couples can rebuild, marital intimacy, is through cultivating nonsexual, affectionate touch: sitting close to one another on the couch, hugging, holding hands, loving kisses and caresses. For some couples who have experienced a drop in, intimacy, engaging in sexual intercourse can seem like a bridge too far. Help them get there by encouraging them to simply embrace and touch one another. Affectionate embraces from a spouse can communicate deeply of care and love in, marriage, without the encumbrance or burden that every touch signals one spouse’s desire for sex.
Sponsored Ad
TwillightWing offers spells for various purposes from finding your Soul Mate, acquiring more Money, Healing, Lucid Dreaming and Astral Travel, and my most popular, Opening Your Third Eye, to name a few. I have over 17 spells ready for your desire!
For more information and to find the spell for you click the link below
I have always scheduled personal time with my husband, even when we go on vacations.
One time we take the kids and one time we go alone. Women do not understand that they need personal time alone with their spouse without the kids to keep, intimacy, alive.
Help me Makeover My Marriage Personal Time
Michele – I would get up before everybody else in the house got up for my, personal time, of prayer because that really set up my entire day. Once you pray and set the environment, your day will be less stressful.
Myrna – That’s good, marriage advice, a lot of women take time for, self-care, at the end of the night when the kids are in bed.
Before we go to the next question let’s circle back to reiterate that, wives, got to appreciate their, husbands, for what he does for the family. In this case Debbie need to show appreciation for her, husband, as the breadwinner.
Makeover My Marriage – Intimacy
Our next question for Help me, makeover my marriage, comes from Hollis in Atlanta, Georgia. Hollis writes I have been married for 10 years, my, husband, and I have a good, marriage, not great because he does not like to talk. The slightest disagreement sends him into his, man cave, and I can’t reach him or get him to talk, Help me, makeover my marriage, and improve my, communication, with my, husband.
Help me Makeover My Marriage: Communication
Like I said earlier the, marriage advice, that I’m giving is, marriage tips, that I can pull from my personal, marriage, experience. Right now I’m married to a man who does not like to talk and i like to talk. So normally I would lead the conversation and he would sit there and listen, then I would say you know conversation is a dialogue and he would say I’m listening to you.
But recently I changed that model. I just finished reading the book “What Happened to You” By Oprah Winfrey and Dr Perry. Dr Perry was explaining why kids who experienced trauma don’t talk.
Dr Perry discovered that not even trained therapists can get these kids to talk until they are ready. You just have to give them time and space. Sometimes it means sitting or doing projects in total silence. When they are ready to talk, they will talk.
Sponsored Ad
Have you ever been at the Right Place Wrong Time? Clamant resolution understands the stress of having your budget hit by unexpected costs at the parking meter. You mistakenly parked in an unauthorized area while rushing to meet with a potential client or for a doctor’s appointment. Parking citations are a nuisance and the last thing you need is a setback while trying to get ahead. Scrounging up money to pay parking tickets should not be one of the things you do, instead of attempting to pay with money that you don’t have or accumulating late fees; we offer interest based repayment plans. With Clamant resolution you can secure the payment of your ticket while guaranteeing a feasible payback option. More importantly you avoid the risks of having your vehicle registration canceled or your license suspended. Contact Clamant resolution and get your parking ticket paid. Visit us on the web at https://clamantresolution.com/
So I used that information and now when I sit with my husband, I just let there be space and whenever he’s ready to talk then he will talk. It’s very uncomfortable for me because I like to talk. But I did and so far this approach is working. We have had some good conversations from this approach.
Communication, is very important in a, marriage, because you have to communicate to fix problems. It is a man thing, they all shut down and go into their, man cave. In fact, marriage counselors, say that the worst thing you can say to a man is “we need to talk”
Help me Makeover My Marriage and get my Husband out of his Man Cave
Michelle what was your experience with your, husband, with, communication. Did he go in to a , man cave?
Michelle – First of all, we all have different temperaments and personalities, my, husband, was more of a, phlegmatic. Phlegmatics have an unemotional and stolidly calm disposition.
So he was a laid-back, easygoing type of guy.
It’s been said that a woman speaks a thousand more words than the man so, I would just find something that interests him to talk about. Most men don’t analyze things the way we do and they’re not as emotional as we are. We like to talk about everything and they don’t always understand why we need to always be talking.
Myrna – So let’s say that you wanted to talk to your, husband, about quality time, for example, or something that’s going on in your, relationship, did you start the conversation talking to him about something he likes to talk about and then kind of steer the conversation to quality time?
Michelle – Our quality time was watching TV together or shopping for groceries.
Myrna – Okay I was just using quality time as a placeholder for any conversation you want to have with your husband that was important.
For example, once in a while I would want to talk to my, husband, about where our, marriage, is going or where we see ourselves in 10 to 15 years from now, or something like that.
I am a Life coach right and I want to steer the conversation in that direction my, husband, would push back and say you’re not my coach!
So getting back to Hollis’s question. What advice would you give to move her, husband, out of his, man cave, and get him to open up?
Husbands need to process things longer than Wives
Michelle – I would tell her that men have to process things, so I would give him time.
If they had a conflict or something, men and women process differently. Wives, want an answer right then while, husbands, might take a day or two to process before they want to discuss the situation.
Myrna – I like that answer, give them time to process. I would add give them space to process. Don’t go into their, man cave, and harass them. Let them be until they are ready to come out.
In the meantime don’t withhold love or affection.
Even though we’re not talking about a physical, man cave, even though some men have a physical space they hide out in, we are talking about going into the mental, man cave.
Sponsored Ad
Become a Sponsor of the Transform Your Mind Radio and Podcast and 10X your business
In this premier episode of, Help me, makeover my marriage, we had a couple of questions and even though they might look different, they’re both dealing with, communication, in your, marriage.
Debbie didn’t really communicate with her, husband, that she needed help around the house or that she needed him to pay her some attention, she just built up animosity that he wasn’t doing these things.
Hollis wanted some information on, communication, with her husband once he’s in his, man cave. What to do either to get him out of the, man cave, or prevent him from going into the, man cave. So, communication, is very important, marriage counselors, say that it is the top reason couples get divorced.
I started off the segment talking about what we can as, wives, to change instead of asking God to change our, husbands. We need to learn to deal with our, husbands, according to knowledge. If we know they don’t like to talk, then we should not push the issue. Like I learned from Dr Perry, let them talk when they are ready. Even if they don’t want to talk they have ears to listen.
Remember to ask for what you want. If you need help around the house, ask for help. If you need affection, ask for it.
When you don’t ask for want you want or communicate your desires, then resentment builds up and the energy in the house changes. You can feel tension. If you have the intention to have peace in your home and to love and appreciate your, husband, he will feel that energy and your home will be peaceful and full of love.
Thanks for reading this blog, listening or watching to the premier episode of “Help me make over my marriage” I will post and air an episode once per month, please subscribe to the Transform Your Mind To Transform your Life podcast to get all new episodes in your inbox.
