Category Archives: mental health counseling

Mindfulness Techniques to Manage Stress and Enhance Well-being

Dr. Romie expounds on leveraging, mindfulness techniques, to combat stress, manage a “busy brain,” and promote overall wellness. In today's world, where stress and burnout have become commonplace, the quest for achieving inner peace seems ever more urgent. Dr. Romie Mushtaq, a board-certified physician merging neurology, integrative medicine, and mindfulness, offers transformative insights into tackling these overwhelming challenges that modern lifestyles impose.

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Key Takeaways:

  • Mindfulness can be a potent tool for, managing stress, and combating the “busy brain” syndrome, characterized by anxiety, focus issues, and insomnia.
  • Restoring one's, circadian rhythm, and addressing underlying medical conditions, such as, thyroid disease, can be pivotal in, managing stress, and sleep problems.
  • An eight-week protocol, as outlined in Dr. Romie Mushtaq  book “The Busy Brain Cure,” provides a structured approach to finding focus, managing anxiety, and, improving sleep quality.

Mindfulness Techniques for Busy Brains

The Phenomenon of the Busy Brain

The term “busy brain” reflects a condition that goes beyond the normal plethora of daily thoughts. It refers to a state where an individual's brain is constantly in overdrive, marked by an inability to focus, heightened anxiety, and persistent sleep disturbances. As Dr. Romie explains, a, busy brain, is not merely about having many thoughts, but primarily about the uncontrolled and intrusive nature of these thoughts.  Particularly negative ones, that people struggle to manage.

“A busy brain is you have a pattern of inflammation in your brain that's causing these three symptoms. […] difficulty focusing, feeling anxious, and insomnia.”

By understanding that a, busy brain, is a condition amplified by, chronic stress, and inflamed neurological pathways, the first step towards managing it lies in recognizing its symptoms and impact on our daily functions.

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 Mindfulness Techniques: Sound healing

Incorporating, sound healing, as one of the, mindfulness techniques, that  serves as a gateway to mindfulness for those who find sitting in silence daunting. Dr. Romie underscores the significance of, sound healing, in aiding cognitive focus and emotional regulation.  Drawing upon its ancient roots and scientific validation. The use of, binaural beats, and certain frequencies of music can bring one's brain back into focus.

“The idea was, to use binaural beat sound healing, where you're using headphones to listen to a certain frequency of music, and that can actually help bring your brain back into focus.”

The practice presents a dynamic and accessible approach to mindfulness.  Catering to the modern individual's need for immediate and tangible relief from the incessant chatter of a, busy brain.

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Addressing Sleep Patterns and Underlying Health Issues

Correcting sleep patterns is crucial for managing a, busy brain. Dr. Romie prescribes a seven-day sleep challenge based on, cognitive-behavioral therapy, for insomnia that addresses lifestyle habits disrupting our natural, sleep cycle. She also highlights the importance of investigating and treating underlying health issues, such as thyroid disease, which are often overlooked.

“We ask people to actually abstain from alcohol for two to three weeks, because that will wake you up in the middle of the night and prevent you from going to deeper stages of sleep.”

By combining adjustments in sleep hygiene with medical scrutiny, people can considerably reduce the symptoms of a, busy brain, and lay the foundation for improved, mindfulness techniques.

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Cultivating a Culture of Wellness through Mindfulness Techniques

The Integration of Mindfulness in Corporate America

Dr. Romie stresses that, chronic stress, is not just an individual issue but a systemic one that requires organizational change. Her work in corporate America, educating Fortune 500 companies and scaling mindfulness programs, denotes a significant shift in how businesses address employee wellness.

“What if I got real and really thinking about your audience and what your podcast focused on is I had the wrong mindset on what success was. […] We can't expect the workforce to be like this.”

Through promoting, mindfulness techniques,  and creating programs tailored to the corporate environment, Dr. Romie is challenging long-established beliefs about success and productivity that have often come at the expense of mental well-being.

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Personal Narratives and Finding Common Ground

The concept of renting success from one's well-being resonates with many, and the narratives shared in “The Busy Brain Cure” offer diverse perspectives, helping readers identify with the issues at hand. Such personal stories are vital in breaking down the stigma attached to stress and mental health struggles in professional circles.

“I remember knowing what it was like to walk those hospital corridors in this really dark place. We didn't have terms of mental health crisis or burnout back then, and I felt so alone.”

Dr. Romie's openness about her journey paves the way for a more empathetic understanding of, stress management. It invites individuals and organizations to take a more humane approach to performance and success.

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The Busy Brain Cure: An Empowering Protocol for Mental Health

The “Shift” Protocol: Structured and Holistic Approach to Healing

Dr. Romie's book introduces readers to the “Shift” protocol, which holistically addresses Sleep, Hormones, Inflammation, Food as Fuel, and Technology's role in our lives. By following these carefully outlined steps, individuals can embark on a transformative journey that promises relief from the mental chaos that afflicts so many.

“We walk you through the eight-week protocol, little brain shifts or micro habits to do to heal these key five areas that will help you heal.”

This guided structure empowers readers to take actionable steps towards reclaiming control of their mental and emotional well-being.

By recounting the efficacy of incorporating mindfulness into, stress management, practices and underlining the importance of addressing sleep and medical issues, Dr. Romie Mushtaq delivers a powerful message about the capabilities of introspective healing. Bolstered by the launch of her book, “The Busy Brain Cure,” she offers a comprehensive plan to mitigate the, busy brain, phenomenon—a strategy that promises not just immediate relief but a sustained journey towards a mindful and balanced life. With her professional insight and personal passion, Dr. Romie exemplifies the transformational impact of blending traditional wisdom with contemporary science, providing hope and practical solutions to those navigating the turbulent realities of our time.

Additional Resources

Using Mindfulness And Breathwork To Heal After Tragedy

Homecare Best Dementia Care For Patients

If you have dementia then there are certain, dementia care, needs when, dementia, presents itself because it goes until death. Let's say that my mom or someone I'm responsible for starts exhibiting, symptoms of dementia.  How do I decide on whether to put them in a, nursing home, or to get, home care?

Listen to the full podcast interview here:

 

My guest today is MERRILY ORSINI, Pres/CEO of Corecubed, is considered a thought leader in the healthcare at home industry and is involved in numerous organizations, providing insight and advice. Merrily is a leader in the Help Choose Home initiative, podcast creator and host. She focuses on educating how and when to choose healthcare at home. Orsini won a Lifetime Achievement in Business Award at the 2017 Stevie Awards for Women in Business. Orsini’s business ownership began with a geriatric care managed in-home care agency, a venture that garnered her the prestigious Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year Award in 1996

Myrna – Tell us your journey into your first geriatric care managed in home care agency.  Was it because you had a, dementia, parent who needed help?

Introduction to Home Care

Merrily – I sort of fell into it.  I have a master's in social work and an interest in helping people. I was in a personal situation where I needed to make more money.  So, I decided to become an entrepreneur and start my own Business.  Soon after I opened the doors of that business, I got a request from a friend of mine to provide what at that time we called a babysitting service for one of her clients whose wife had senile, dementia.

That began was a lifelong commitment for me to provide care for anyone who is suffering from, Alzheimer's.  We progressed with my first patient  from her early stages of, Alzheimer's dementia, through end stage.

We ended up caring for lots of other people with lots of other issues but the issue of, dementia, is probably the most frightening and the hardest care. I stayed in the, home care, space directly providing, nursing care, services from 1981 to 1998.

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Myrna – I don't have any personal experience with this, in my family but there's a lot of movies out there that address the subject of, Alzheimer’s disease. The most famous is the movie the Notebook.

When I started, menopause, I personally started forgetting things and I was very afraid of that it was the start of, Alzheimer’s disease. But I was reassured by my doctor that if there is no history of, dementia, in my family then there is a good chance that I would not get, Alzheimer’s disease.

 

 Dementia Care for patients?

Merrily – my business provides support to the industry.  I'm not in the direct provision of, home care, anymore.  The thing about, dementia, is that it's not a one-size-fits-all disease. It also manifests itself differently in different people.  Some people become very calm, quiet and reserved and other people become aggressive.

The disease progresses at different times,  it is a debilitating disease if you have an, Alzheimer’s,  type, dementia, or some of the other kinds of, dementia, it's debilitating and it gets worse.

For instance you mentioned, menopause, there are several things that do cause something that looks like, dementia.  For instance, medication mismanagement.  I had a client one time who was severely malnourished, and that malnourishment actually translated itself into, dementia.

The question of, dementia care, it is again it's not a one-size-fits-all because someone who has a, dementia, needs a totally different kind of care than someone who has a frailty or a disease. It's two totally different kinds of care and it's also takes different kinds of caregivers.

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Why Home Care is the best  Dementia Care for Patients.

There's different ways that you actually can talk to someone or be around someone with, Alzheimer’s, and there's a handful of generic kinds of rules for, dementia care; but the biggest one is this. It is hard for families is when someone starts forgetting and they actually have, dementia.

That's irreversible and it's going to get worse. the worst thing you can do is try to orient them to right now, because they're not there.  They're not mentally in the present and it's very scary for someone with the, dementia, to think that they're somewhere else and then have someone try to orient them today.

It’s like waking up in a dream and you know you you're dreaming you're someplace and if someone said you're not there it would be scary. The, dementia, patient  turns against them, because they quit trusting them.

They quit trusting them because the person is trying to orient them back to reality.

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Dementia Test

The mini mental status test is about five questions:

  • It starts off with “what day is today”
  • Who's the president of the United States
  • Ask them to make you a cup of tea because that requires is sequential steps.
  • Can they still dress themselves or take care of themselves. Oftentimes not because they don't remember.  Sometimes people with, dementia, take all their clothes off and run out into the yard.

So many of the normal activities of daily living processes that you that you would not lose unless you had, dementia.

 

Ways to prevent Alzheimer’s type dementia

If you have a healthy lifestyle and by that I mean eating well, exercising and getting plenty of sleep. All of those things can help you prevent that onset of, dementia, but if you actually have an, Alzheimer’s,  type, dementia, no matter what you do it is going to eventually come.

Keeping your mind active is the other way to prevent the onset of, dementia. We're creatures of habit so if you brush your teeth with your right hand, try brushing your teeth with your left hand.  Simple things like that.

Learning a foreign language that's one of the most amazing things you can do because it uses parts of your brain that you don't normally use.

So if you've done crossword puzzles your whole life and you think by continuing to do crossword puzzles you're going to somehow keep dementia at bay, that's not true.  You need to do something different like learn how to dance.  Do something that involves your body and your mind, that is different than anything that you've ever done before.

 

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Is  Alzheimer’s dementia different from just dementia?

You characterize, Alzheimer’s dementia, from just, dementia, can you give us what the difference is?

Merrily – There are all different kinds of, dementia.  Alzheimer's, is what we most hear about; but it is a specific disease that has some specific characteristics.

 

There are other types of, dementia.

  • Lewy Body dementia which is what Robin Williams had
  • There’s frontal-temporal dementia.
  • Alcohol related dementia that comes from overusing alcohol
  • Vascular Dementia
  • Mixed dementia and that is a combination of Alzheimer’s dementia and Vascular dementia.

 

Home Care for Dementia patients

If you have, dementia, then there are certain, nursing care, needs when, dementia, presents itself because it goes until death.

Let's say that my mom or someone I'm responsible for starts exhibiting symptoms of, dementia.  How do I decide on whether to put them in a nursing home or to get, home care?

There is no universal long-term care program for people in America, we have an overly complicated, home care, system.  Some of it funded by the government and some of it paid for privately, so it really depends on what your financial resources are and what your support system is.

Right now very few people want to go into a congregant, nursing home, setting because of the exposure. You look at the deaths in America where 40 percent or more happen in congregate, nursing home, care settings from COVID 19.

So, if you have a loved one with, dementia, the first thing to do is go somewhere where you can get a real good screening.  I would recommend a geriatric evaluation and treatment program through a teaching university.

The next step after they say you do have a progressive disease, is to really look at time frame, because a lot of people can stay at home with just a little bit of care as long as there, dementia, is not progressed to the point where they are endangering themselves.

Staying at home is probably the best place because people who have, dementia, like familiar surroundings and they also like a routine.

But the question between, home care, or, nursing home, really comes down to cost and support.

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Tell us about your podcast Help Choose Home.

The reason I started the Help Choose home podcast, is that what I have found is people don't actually look for any of these answers or even information until they have a need. Someone has a care need for a family member and then they start researching. So the Help Choose home podcast, is really just about educating people about how to choose, nursing homes, or, home care.

How can those listening and watching on YouTube connect with you?

The national association for home care and hospice which is one of the sponsors of my podcast has very good resources and you mentioned AARP.  AARP has excellent resources as well The home care association of America and the National Palliative Hospice and Palliative care organization.

 

My own website is www.merrilyorsini.com My business is corecubed.com

 

I'm inviting you to join my Facebook group called life coach and please subscribe to the podcast on our YouTube channel and where ever you get your podcasts.

 

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How to Find your Soul Mate or Twin Flame

Looking for your soul mate?  What about your, twin flame, who is your mirror soul? Science says some thing magical happens at first meeting. Science says that when you meet your  Life partner, some thing magical happens. In this blog we look at what happens when two souls with constructive energies meet?

Listen to the full interview here:

In our last episode my co-host and I looked at what, single women, need to do to get their house ready for love, where to look for love and what to look for when you are starting over after divorce or death of a partner.

If you missed that episode you can download it here: https://myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/ or on iTunes ,iHeart radio or wherever you get your podcasts. 

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Today's episode of the Transform your Mind Radio Hour is sponsored by  Columbus Financial Coach.  Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com

Introduction

 How to, Find your Twin Flame,  the Science of Attraction

In the last Blog post, I shared how I met my husband on a train. I am going to use this personal story to illustrate what happens when two strangers or, souls, meet for the first time.

As you may remember from Chemistry class, every atom and molecule gives out and absorbs light. The human body is made up of 50 trillion cells composed of atoms and molecules. So we are massive bundles of energy giving off and absorbing light or energy all the time.

When two energies come together they become entangled, the first step to, find your soul mate, is constructive energy.

When two energies are in harmony, the result is called, constructive energy, because it increases in size.  That is why you should grow as a person when you are in the right relationship.

We call this, “good vibes” very important when you are hoping to, find your soul mate. 

How Chemistry plays in finding your Soul Mate

So let's look at what happened when I met my husband and our energies became constructive!

I walked onto a train and he was standing by the door. I looked fine, mini skirt, sunglasses, designer bag over my shoulder,  so I caught his attention. He caught my attention because he was the first black officer I had seen on the train.

On be known to me my second Chakra or energy center in charge of communication sent him a signal because he tells me he felt this warm feeling in his body. He had never felt that before. Let me put a pin here and explain.

Our bodies are made up of seven energy centers, called Chakras. Each of these energy centers are responsible for certain functions.  I know that my second Chakra located below my navel is my communication center and it is responsible for engaging a mate by sending out signals when it finds a compatible energy so you can, find your soul mate.

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Soul mate vs Twin flame

My husband could also be my, twin flame.  After 14 years of marriage, I do believe we are mirror souls. What Is A Twin Flame? Sometimes discussed in terms of a “mirror soul” or, soul connection, a, twin flame, is the other half of your, soul. It is theorized that a, soul, can split into two after ascending to a high frequency. Thereafter, the, soul, lands in two different bodies.

I must have also received something from my husband's energy center as well because my thoughts lingered on him. I was curious. That was all that it was for me at that time. Curiosity. I was not actively looking to, find a  soul mate.

But I have heard men say that the first time they saw their wife they knew that she was the one. There is such  a thing as love at first sight! Have you heard Steve Harvey tell his story of when he met his wife and, how he found his, soul mate?.  I don't think he was actively trying to, find your soul mate. But there she was. He was doing stand up comedy and she walked in late with her girlfriends, and he couldn’t stop staring at her.  In fact he couldn’t even continue his act.  He told her right then that she was going to be his wife! Believe in compatible energy, it is real.

Anyway, back to my story. Because our energies entangled and we both got, good vibes, we looked to further the communication.

The Twin Flame Connection is Immediate

Another pin. That is why we shouldn't chase men.  if you guys have, constructive energy, or, good vibes, they will reach out. We are hard wired to mate. It is all happening without our conscious thought. Your soul is looking for it's, twin flame.

So my husband searched for me on the train every day until he found me. I noticed him sit behind me for a few mins while he got up the nerve to come talk to me. We talked for about 30 mins until I got off the train at my stop. I will confess that I was not impressed by the conversation. He cursed like a sailor. I think that men who curse in front of women have no respect; but when I got off the train my energy body told me that it had made a, soul connection.

I had this incredible feeling of euphoria!  My stomach was doing somersaults. I knew right then that we would have a relationship. I knew right then that I had found my, soul mate, This is how you, find your soulmate, you listen to your body.

Three months later he proposed we were married 8 months after. That was 13 years ago and we are still in love, compatible energies!

Twin Flame Meaning

Twin flame meaning, New Age spiritual concept that describes a relationship ideology based on the idea that two people are each other's “half” and have an intense soul connection. This is an example of the science of two, compatible energies, something we have no control over.  That is why you have heard people say we have no control over who we love. You can't pick your, twin flame. The science of attraction brings him or her to you.

Your, soul mate meaning,  two souls joining together to perfect each other.

On the other hand when your energy is not in sync with other, we get, bad vibes, not your, soul mate.  The energy cancels each other out and instead of feeling euphoria you feel depleted.

Energy is your most important reading as a single woman looking for a mate. Ever heard the saying that someone is like an anchor, you can’t thrive since you met them.  Pay attention that means that you are not expanding, you are contracting or stuck.

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Illustration  the Science of Attraction: The bad vibe

Rhonda met this great guy at a bar. The guy was gorgeous, absolutely delicious. He pursued and seduced her and they started, dating. They had a great time together but something didn’t click. He was kinda, sorta vague on his explanation about everything.

It took about three months of, dating, this guy for Rhonda to discover that he was still living with his daughter’s mother and another 6 months to understand that theirs was an on and off relationship. He would never under any circumstances spend the night, saying that he did not want his daughter to wake up and he was not there.  This reminds me of Whitney Houston’s married relationship in Waiting to Exhale!

This is when Rhonda realized that a married man is a married man.  They can string you along forever. They can tell you anything.  She decided to breakup.  The breakup was mutual but she wasted at least 2 years on a relationship that was going nowhere when if she had paid attention to her, bad vibes,  she could have saved herself from heartache.

Reading energy is the most important data in the, dating, world.

Be careful of Psychopaths Pretending to be your Twin Flame

Have you ever met a psychopath? Or been in a relationship with one? They are masters at reading energy.

We are all broadcasting a frequency of our most innermost thoughts. That is how a predator picks out his prey.

  • That is how a mugger chooses his victim.
  • Animals also know how to read this energy.  A lion picks his prey from a flock. He reads the vibration of the weakest prey.

I am sure everyone on the planet is aware on some level of the Art Kelly crimes against teenage girls and women. How do you think he chose his victims?  Women who would allow him to disrespect their bodies and lock them up in a room and  have to ask to go to the bathroom and ask to eat?  Some said that he didn't feed them for 3 days, yet they didn't leave. As one of his victims said in an interview.  If you were weak minded, he wants you. You could be a teenager or a 30 year old woman!

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Science of attraction:  Finding your Soul Mate

Synergistic relationships are based on both individuals being on the same wavelength, when they completely understand each other and don't try to limit the space they occupy in each other's lives.

I read an article that stated the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  The examples used was if you train two Belgian horses together, the effect is multiplied: together, they can pull 32,000 pounds. Two horses, doing the work of four, even though it seems to defy physics. Often, in a positive relationship, you’ll find that synergy is already happening.

How can you increase that by finding harmony, in acknowledging individual strengths and how they work best together?  For example, I love to shop; but I don’t necessarily like to cook all the time.  My husband, will send me a list of all the items to pick up the grocery store and he will cook.  I then just have to do keep the kitchen tidy and get the family read to enjoy his great cooking.  It works for both of us.

In regards to signs women should look out for in predators, Robert Hare, one of the world’s foremost experts on, psychopathic behavior, believes that people need to know what to do in the event they find themselves involved or associated with a predatory psychopath.

Here are his tips on How to Avoid being targeted by a predator when trying to, find your soulmate:

  1. Be careful of props—the winning smile, the promises, the fast talk, and the gifts meant to deflect you from the manipulation and exploitation that may be occurring. Any of these characteristics can have enormous sleight-of-hand value, serving to distract you.”
  2. Anyone who seems too perfect is. Psychopaths hide their dark sides until they get their target person deeply involved. Too much flattery, feigned kindness, and cracks in grandiose stories should provide clues and put you on your guard. Make reasonable inquiries.
  3. Know yourself—or you might be vulnerable from your blind spots. Predators know how to find and use your triggers, so the more you realize what you tend to fall for, the more closely you can guard against it.

 

The second stage in the Science of Attraction, is Chemistry

I know you have heard this word thrown around all the time. For example the dating sites match people up by common interests; but they can't manufacture chemistry.

Let's get back to my husband for a minute.

I just shared all about the our first meeting and about us having good vibes but if we had no chemistry we would just become good friends.

Here are the Chemicals released  by love that is responsible for Chemistry:

  • Dopamine – Lights up your pleasure center. Your pleasure goes up when you are near or think about this person. Your  motivation goes up, Now you are thinking of that nice house and 2 kids! Your sadness goes down, if you were depressed, you are now happy.

I know you have heard the saying love is blind. It is true. Dopamine make you more attractive to your mate and since we are on this planet to procreate, your sexuality goes up! I am sure you have heard or have personal data that new lovers do it all the time!

  • The second chemical that is released in love is Oxytocin  – Oxytocin is responsible for trust. Your level of trust goes up, and your attachment goes up. This is probably why your girlfriends can’t figure why you are going out with a player;  but you don’t see it until your heart is crushed. The psychopath uses this one to his advantage.
  • Finally Serotonin is released. – This hormone is responsible for all the pain attached to love. Serotonin goes up and you become obsessed with your lover. Love is a chemical addiction!

Thank God I have only had one experience with an over abundance of this hormone.

I met one of my boyfriends at a club and it was an instant attraction. I fell hard.  I swooned when he called me baby the next day!

Less than 2 months after we met, we made plans to spend the New Year in Jamaica.  He left before Christmas but I wouldn’t leave my kids for Christmas so I made plans to meet him in Jamaica after Christmas.   It was the longest week in my entire life.  I literally looked at the clock the entire time.  I was an addict! I however did not, find my soulmate.

Arifah what can you lend to this conversation from a social worker perspective?

Wow, Myrna glad you spoke about the hormones.  I always talk to my clients about increasing their Oxytocin through touch, such as a hug, holding hands, a kiss.  Everyone has a sensitive area on the body that causes arousal when touched, whether sexual or just to feel good. It’s important in a relationship to know what your partner likes and does not, to give each other compliments and share tips on how increase synergy between each other.  It’s important to always reminisce on moments, like when you first met, knew you were in love and what you admire about one another now.  All of this, helps build connection.

In general the most salient characteristics for chemistry between two people are mutual interest (reciprocal candor, reasonableness, intimacy,

Similarity, and physical attraction.

Here are some questions from my Life Coach group on Facebook on How to, Find your Soul mate?

Remember you have an open invitation to join this group to get answers from the group on any of your struggles in life.

Question from Velma: I would like to, find your soul mate, but most men in my age group 60, want a traditional woman to cook and clean and a man to think for her. I’m not a traditional woman and I’m tired of pretending to be helpless. How do we as women maneuver in a world of the insecure man?

My answer – be both cake and ice-cream. Sometimes you are soft like ice cream and sometimes you are in charge and embrace your masculine energy and be cake.

What’s your answer Arifah

Keep doing what you love and make yourself a priority to level up.

Question from Elizabeth:

Should I be looking to, find your soul mate,  of just someone to keep me warm at night?

When you are in your fifties and you have to start all over dating, do you date to find a husband or should you be okay with someone to keep you warm at night.

My answer- Someone to keep you warm at night. Women over 40 have a very slim chance of finding a husband, but you can definitely, find your soul mate!

What’s your answer Arifah?

Its up to you, based on what you are looking for in the present.  Dating, can work either way, based on what you end up wanting.

Arifah is the Founder and Program Director of Lifted by Purpose.

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services to organizations seeking trainings, workshops or programs with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors. Including:

  • Anger Management
  • Healthy Relationships
  • Mental Health Education and Coping Skills
  • Youth Engagement and
  • Mental Health First Aid Training

Located at 180 Shaw St, suite 201, Toronto, Ont.  Phone # 416-391-5270

 Additional Resources for, How to Find your Soulmate

https://myhelps.us/sex-and-spiritual-energy-the-tree-of-life/

 

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

https://myhelps.us/the-alchemy-of-desire/

https://blog.mindvalley.com/vibrational-energy/

https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/

 

 

 

How to Manage Compulsive Behaviors

Millions of people suffer from at least one of the, compulsive behaviors, Compulsive shopping, Compulsive eating, Hoarding, Compulsive sexual behavior.

—often, even when the individual wishes they could stop—despite the fact that the act triggers negative outcomes, leads to interpersonal conflicts, or damages mental health.

Listen to full interview here: 

Introduction to Compulsive Behaviors

Common activities that can develop into compulsions include, compulsive  shopping, hoarding, eating, gambling, sex, and exercise. Though some behaviors are easier to over-indulge in than others, in reality, nearly any behavior has the potential of becoming a, compulsive behavior. Some people even talk compulsively, for instance.

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There are also obsessive compulsive disorder, in which a compulsive person performs certain behaviors to relieve underlying anxiety or other negative emotions. A well-known example is a person who checks and rechecks everything—if the stove is turned off, for instance, or if the door is locked.

These behaviors rarely decrease anxiety in the long run; in most cases, they only provide temporary relief. In extreme cases, compulsive behaviors start to take over the person's work, home, and social life, at the expense of normal activities.

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How are Compulsive Behaviors and addictions connected?

Compulsive behaviors, have a genetic effect and are often seen in identical twins. I know 17 year old identical twin girls who came into the foster care system at 4 years old and have had trauma. I attributed their, compulsive behaviors, to genes from their biological parents and environment from their early years in foster care. They started, compulsive behaviors, like stealing  from about 5 years old, as they grew older that transformed into, compulsive shoplifting, then they started running away and couldn't stop, now they are compulsively, hoarding.

Compulsion behaviors,  often arise after stressful events, trauma, or abuse as we have seen in our study of addictions. When people engage in, compulsive behaviors, they become trapped in a pattern of repetitive actions or senseless thinking from which it can be difficult to break free.

Treatment is often key for overcoming, compulsive behaviors.

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How does normal behavior turn into,  Compulsive Behaviors?

As far as the brain is concerned our rewards are reward important,  so regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience and you know that there's a
reward and people who indulge in , compulsive behaviors,  like gambling,  eating,  sex, and shopping,  become trapped in the reward system of dopamine.

Types of Compulsive Behaviors

Compulsive behaviors, come in many forms, all of which can be quite debilitating or even dangerous.

Hoarding, for instance, are those who are unable to part with even the most worthless possessions. Many hoarders find the act of purging so distressful that they live under extremely crowded and potentially harmful conditions.

  • Compulsive shopping,
  • Compulsive eating
  • Over exercising
  • Hoarding
  • Compulsive cleaning

Compulsive Hoarding,   is a psychiatric disorder which involves the accumulation of personal possessions to the point at which these accumulations interfere with your quality of life to a significant degree. The acquisition of “things” and failure to throw away unneeded objects can result in only mild symptoms of a cluttered home to a home which is too unsanitary for healthy living. At the current time, it's thought that between two and six percent of the population is living with some degree of hoarding disorder.

  • Compulsively taking selfies and posting on social media
  • Compulsive sexual behavior or sexual addiction

What negative triggers enable Compulsive Behaviors like Hoarding.

The brain tricks us into thinking that we need the reward so we perform the, compulsive behavior, to re up the Dopamine
I know that as humans we move towards pleasure and away from pain. In my role as parent with kids who have, compulsive behaviors. These behaviors are cemented because they engage the reward centers of the brain.

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How does one break that reward system for, Compulsive Behaviors?

Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.

“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges.  With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection. Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations.  Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.

Sex Addiction Treatment

Let’s look at, compulsive sexual behavior, or sexual addiction. Sexual addiction, is represented by, compulsive behavior,  in commonly available sexual practices, such as

  • Attending strip clubs,
  • Compulsive masturbation,
  • Paying for sex through prostitution,
  • Excessive use of pornography,
  • and repeated engagement in extramarital affairs.

Compulsive sexual behavior, otherwise known as sexual addiction, is an emerging psychiatric disorder that has significant medical and psychiatric consequences. Until recently, very little empirical data existed to explain the biological, psychological, and social risk factors that contribute to this condition. In addition, clinical issues, such as the natural course and best practices on treating sexual addictions, have not been formalized. Despite this absence, the number of patients and communities requesting assistance with this problem remains significant. This article will review the clinical features of compulsive sexual behavior and will summarize the current evidence for psychological and pharmacological treatment.

Dr Ahia What forms of, Sex Addiction Treatment, would you administer to someone suffering from, compulsive sexual addiction?

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How would you treat a youth that had the compulsion for taking selfies or even shoplifting?

Additional Resources for, Compulsive Behaviors

https://myhelps.us/childhood-sexual-trauma-and-addiction/

https://myhelps.us/drug-alcohol-treatments-women-with-trauma/

https://myhelps.us/call-me-an-addict-child-abuse-statistics-p3/

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are the Symptoms of Adult ADHD?

We most often associate, ADHD, with children; but statistics show that 60% of childhood, ADHD, transforms to, adult ADHD.

We as have seen or been parents to the child who never stops or sits down.

In addition to never sitting down they are also:

Symptoms of Childhood, ADHD

  • Are impulsive
  • Have trouble focusing
  • Have trouble managing their emotions
  • Have difficulty remembering information
  • Don’t start tasks (or don’t finish them)

So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?

Here is one woman’s story af adult adhd

I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD.  One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.

I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.

The two inattentive men,  naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.

Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.

 

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Adult ADHD symptoms

I'm curious about, Adult ADHD symptoms. Does kids with, ADHD,  become adults with, adult ADHD?

For clarity let's make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD.  Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD,  is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in  childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it's important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they're seeing the adult exhibit.  Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.

Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?

Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.

What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?

When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use.  It gives you  clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed.  There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.

  1. Inattention
  2. Impulse Control
  3. Hyperactivity

We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don't have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium.  Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.

ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.

Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?

 

The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.

  • Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
  • Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
  • Basal Ganglia. …
  • Reticular Activating System.

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Adult ADHD test

To test for, adult ADHD, one has to look at the functions of the brain. The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected in ADHD. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.

The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement.  The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system.  It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.

Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?

No, not at all.  I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass.  I would love to see his research.

Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?

Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals.  I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.

if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.

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Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?

I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD.  He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.

https://wellnessforce.com/dr-john-gray-adhd-brain-health-sex-addiction/

 

Shocking Facts About ADHD

  • One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
  • One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
  • Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness

 

Additional Resources Adult ADHD

https://myhelps.us/understanding-mental-illness-my-bipolar-life/

How to Disable your Autopilot Brain

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

https://www.verywellmind.com/add-and-attention-deficit-disorders-2161810#:~:text=Attention%20deficit%20disorder%20(ADD)%20is,completing%20tasks%20and%20social%20interaction.

 

How to Navigate Social Cues with Aspergers Diagnosis

Daniel Mangena was diagnosed with, Aspergers, in his late 20's.  Asperger's syndrome, is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests.

Listen to full interview here:

 

I’m very familiar with, Aspergers, because I have a 21 year old son who has been diagnosed with, Asperger's syndrome, around 10 years of age.

So this interview with Daniel will be on the topic How to Navigate Social Cues with, Aspergers, Diagnosis

My son was so afraid of social interactions, he couldn't speak to strangers. He was so nervous speaking to people that he developed a stutter and the stutter made him almost unintelligible.  As he's grew older, he practiced talking to people. He would talk to everybody that he meets, everybody would come up to me and say your son is such a wonderful kid that's, because he practiced and now he doesn't have the stutter and not afraid of talking to people.

Introduction to Asperger's Syndrome

After receiving a late diagnosis of, Asperger, and experiencing what can only be described as life-shattering trauma at the age of just 20, Daniel spent the next seven years struggling to keep his revelations and events from spilling in to his everyday life as a result of his struggles.

Daniel built a simple four-step system called “Beyond Intentional Paradigm”. Initially, it was built as a lifeline while he was grappling with suicidal thoughts; but beyond intention has transformed Daniel's life from misery into celebration through his own struggles. Daniel found a path to lasting joy and purpose and he wants nothing more than to share the tools that saved his life.

Daniel is the host of a “Do It with Dan” podcast series, regular blogs published articles and worldwide workshops that have helped thousands across the globe. His prolific work recently earned him a spot in the Wall Street Journal as a master of success and a scene on Wall Street Journal, Market Watch, ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox.

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Late Diagnosis of Aspergers and lack of friendships

Myrna – You were diagnosed in your twenties with Asperger's. Did your family miss your lack of, social cues, or do you think you developed, Asperger, late?

Daniel – As a teenager, I’ve always been really blessed. For me, Asperger, has been a gift. It's been a gift because the way that my brain works has allowed me to achieve a lot and the social challenges and lack of, social cues, have effectively just been the cost of doing business. When you look at my brilliance, that came out academically including great achievements. I kind of just put up with me living with my foot in my mouth and being horribly awkward and unable to really relate, because there were other benefits that came with my diagnosis.

When things became clearer, siblings would tell stories and they're like, but we love you so because you were a loner. I don't really have friends. I never developed relationships and friendships  other than my two friends – Nathan and Jamie, who were my friends since I was 15. I don't have any friends from middle school. I don't have any friends from high school.  I’ve got one friend from college, because I didn't know how to form those bonds with people even when people wanted to form bonds with me. I didn't know how to hold and maintain those relationships.

I was missing out and studied much like your son practiced to learn, to understand what those shortfalls were and although it's a very conscious process, was able to then effectively operate socially.

Myrna – I understand the lack of friends because my son never developed friendships.  I had twin girls, their world was friends.  They didn't go to school to learn, they went to school to see their friends! My son’s friends were his teachers.

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Autism vs Aspergers

Myrna – Tell us what is,  Asperger's syndrome, and why is it that people with, Aspergers, can’t understand, social cues?

Daniel – Essentially, the difference between what is commonly recognized as, Autism vs. Aspergers, is that someone that's more formally viewed as, autistic, doesn't have the ability to communicate with the outside world. Whereas, Aspergers, have the same thought processes; but we can actually communicate it. Whereas with, autism, especially if someone's non-verbal, they have no way to communicate those thought processes.

I found in my own experience that everything works in ones and zeros. It's very systematic and when there's a disconnection in that systemization, it falls apart.  Social cues, are a very fluid, it's an art form. It's not there’s a science to it, but there's an art form to it which doesn't move in ones and zeros.

People that have brains like me don't know what to do with it and also because we're always things that you do unconsciously. For example, in this conversation I have to maintain concentration the entire time because I have to be aware that just because I’ve got something to say, doesn't mean that I have to say it now.

Myrna – My doctor compared my son to Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory.  Just like Sheldon has to work very hard on understanding, social cues, and he would say and what he shouldn't say. He's usually very rude because he doesn't think about the other person's feelings. He just says what he feels or thinks.

Daniel – What I found to be my happy place with relationships and with, social cues, is to forget what I am thinking.  I just walk away from it, I don't entertain it.

Asperger-DSM5
Asperger-DSM5

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Using Mindfulness to understand Social Cues

Myrna – I know that you're a podcast host and you interview people, so when you're interviewing like when you're doing this interview or when you're the host and you're talking, do you do the same thing? Do you have to get out of your head and operate from your heart space to understand, social cues, or is there other ways that you you're handling that situation?

Daniel – First and foremost, by using my tools of mindfulness and consciousness in order to engage in this space, I set very clear intensions about this time and set them aside. I’ve given my mind enough to let go by giving a box to play in. I have genuine conversations; I don't have to think about what I’m going to say, because I’m speaking from the heart. I’m thinking about how to engage with you, I’m holding that container; but in terms of the communication that's coming from the framework within my heart.

There's a conscious process in terms of setting that space to this is back and forth I’m sticking clear with my intention to share this space with you, to add value to your community, to create something beautiful together; but then I’m not thinking about what to say. I’m allowing the truth to come from heart based communication.

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What is Micro Shifting and how does it help with Aspergers Syndrome?

Myrna – In your Bio, you talked about, Micro Shifting. How can people with, Aspergers, use, micro shifting? Is there something specifically that you do because of the, Asperger, diagnosis or can anybody use this, micro shifting?

Daniel – Micro, Shifting, has actually shown and proven itself to be one of the most popular aspects of my work with people, because it just makes good sense and just gets good results.  Anybody can have a quantum leap.  Anyone can have a massive shift.  Anyone can have that; but everybody can make baby steps. Baby steps move past resistance and moves past fear because you're just taking one step.

I’m not taking on the whole thing.  Procrastination drops down and you can start to build a momentum towards success in an endeavor. Micro, shifting,  is a consistent series of baby steps in the direction of a consciously chosen outcome. That's how I define it. Creates a momentum, a rhythm that gets us to where we're going without the anxiety around the big goal, without the ‘I can't do it’, without the resistance, just one step at a time.

It's, shifting, your mind to let's say if you've got a big goal, for instance – you want to write a book. What you're saying is that you take one step and then you complete that step and then you take another step. I understand the micro baby steps and the, shifting, is what you're saying is once you've completed this one step then you go on to the next one.

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Micro Shifting to Millions

Myrna – You don't look at the big picture like macro? You just do micro, shifting. That's good.

Daniel – There's a couple of overlays, there not to cut but there's a couple of overlays. First and foremost, Micro, shifting, in its pure essence is very much a surrender based process because you're opening up to God or the universe to present what that next step is and once that step is presented, then you ask yourself what is the smallest minimum deliverable – something I know I can do to move towards this step that God or the universe has presented to me.

I take that step, I celebrate and then I’m open to what the next step is holding i.e. the intention of what the final goal is. I don't need to keep looking at the big goal. I know if I go one step at a time, God's got my back on this one step at a time and then trusting that that next step is going to be revealed. Regardless of what shows up even if it looks like it's going wrong trusting that everything's going right, because the universe is taking care of me.  God's got my back. The universe only gives me what I can handle and because I’ve been very conscious in choosing what I’m moving towards.

It is one of the cornerstones to teach. I don't do so much coaching. I’ve got a group program, my signature program is called “Micro to Millions” (principally around financial abundance). But people come for other things too because another cornerstone is that once you effect change somewhere it can be everywhere.

So, if I work on my challenges around abundance, I can use that as the doorway to work on my relationships to work on my health. We find that all the time people come because they want to make money. They find the love of their life, their health improves and they find their purpose and so on and so forth. Micro, shifting, is a cornerstone that's why it's called “Micro to Millions” because we are micro, shifting,  all the way up to whatever abundance we want to get to.

 

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Aspergers Syndrome and Conscious Living 

Let's finish up with the, Asperger's Syndrome. How can someone with, Aspergers, live consciously?

Daniel – I would have thought that's a little difficult. I would actually say someone living with, Aspergers, is more properly set up to live consciously, because so much of our life is happening at a conscious level. It's not happening at an unconscious level because we're stepping through it as a process of thought, so we have the opportunity to interject along the way and introduce something different.

So, when I look at my social interactions for example, it's actually process wise more feasible that I can be more aware and be more present. When I'm having a conversation with you, because I'm doing it step by step anyway it's not just an auto play that's happening. I'm moving through it so I have more opportunity to step in and say am I having this conversation with you, with love and compassion. Am I intentional in what I want to gather from this conversation?

What I want to add to this conversation where I am? Where's my attention? Where's my awareness? There's actually more opportunity now. Opportunity doesn't mean there's going to be a probability of the outcome; but it does mean that there's an opportunity. Again that's one of the things I’m grateful for with my, Aspergers.

I have more opportunity to be presently aware, because I’ve got that step-by-step process happening in the background.

Myrna – If I were to break that down, I think what you're saying is the, Aspergers, mind. Because it's logical and it's doing the zero one thing that you're more conscious of what's going on because you were doing it logically. What you're saying, you're doing it. There's opportunity there to be conscious but we can be consciously unconscious.

Don't forget, we can be unconscious to our consciousness just because it's doesn't mean I’m giving up my attention. Go ahead and explain that one unconscious consciousness. The opportunity is there for me to be aware because it's a step-by-step process. It doesn't mean that I’m giving it my attention, I still have to give my attention to that step-by-step process. I get you see one coming and it's by giving it my attention now. There's a level of consciousness to it and now I can start to introduce intentionality in how I’m stepping through those communication.

Do it with Dan Podcast

Tell us about your podcast “Do it with Dan”

Dreamwithdan.com is my website and that’s where everything is – my books are there, podcasts, any free trainings and master classes. There's normally something. My next sort of major free offering is on the 15th of November – doing completely free workshop to empower business owners to create more abundance not-speaking for 15 minutes and selling for the rest of the time.

I’m actually recording a workshop and then I’m going to be selling later. I’m delivering a workshop that's going to sell for a hundred dollars. We're delivering it for free on the 15th of November. I’m excited about that.  All details for that sort of thing are always going to be on the website. My podcast is me just having conversations with people. I want to inspire change, remove the excuses that we have around change that we say we can't have and to give people tools that they can employ to create more change again.

Leaning towards this mission of more people living abundant joyful purpose-driven life, because if they're doing that, then we can reach that tipping point where we move from the 80 percent of negative to 80 of positive and that's what I’m really passionate about.

Conclusion

Myrna – Thank you for sharing with me as an Asperger parent. Maybe the listeners might have, Aspergers, because I think it's a big diagnosis now, right? They're saying that one in four boys has autism and the, Aspergers, is part of the, autism, spectrum.

A large amount of the population is working with some form of social anxiety.   I was reading something on Quora about, Aspergers, and one of the things the guy was saying is that you know he couldn't follow instructions and I will tell you that was my biggest pet peeve with my son. I would tell him to do one thing and he does something totally different and apparently that's part of the Asperger brain to you can't follow complex instructions.

We can be successful even with a diagnosis as, Aspergers. It doesn't have to give you a life that doesn't have any quality and I know again, in your bio you mentioned that when you first got the diagnosis it was a hard. It was hard for you and you had some struggles even thinking of ending your life – kind of suicidal thoughts but you've worked with it and now you're on the other end and you're teaching.

I want to encourage you to subscribe to my YouTube channel so that you can watch our interview instead of just listening to it. But if you prefer to listen to it and you're listening on iTunes, I would love for you to subscribe. The more subscriptions we get of course, we're able to take the message to a wider audience.

I also want to invite you guys to join my life coaching group on Facebook. The group is growing by leaps and bounds.

Additional Resources

Can Introverts be Successful Networkers?

 

Unveiling the Unconscious Brain

Dr. Virginia “Ginger” Campbell, a physician, author, and science communicator, discusses the unconscious brain.  In this episode she explains that up to 95% of the brain is unconscious, meaning that most of our brain processes are not accessible to our conscious awareness. Dr. Campbell emphasizes the importance of understanding the, unconscious brain, and it's origins of certainty and how memory is unreliable. She also highlights the role of the body in creating our experiences and how this knowledge can make us more tolerant. Dr. Campbell's goal is to make neuroscience accessible to all.

Download the podcast here:

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Introduction

Welcome back to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio podcast and television show. I'm your host, Life Coach Myrna Young, and today we have a special guest in the studio, Dr. Virginia Campbell, also known as Ginger. Dr. Campbell is an author, physician, and science communicator, specializing in neuroscience. We will be diving into the fascinating topic of the unconscious and intricate workings of the brain. Welcome, Dr. Campbell!

Dr. Campbell: Thank you, Myrna. I'm excited to be here.

Myrna: We are going to have a great conversation on neuroscience and the brain, a topic that I absolutely love. The brain controls everything in our body, and understanding how it works is crucial. Dr. Campbell, could you start by explaining what you mean when you say that 95% of the brain is unconscious?

Dr. Campbell: Certainly, Myrna. When I say that 95% of the brain is unconscious, I'm referring to the fact that most of the processes of the brain are not accessible to our conscious awareness. For example, we are not aware of how our brain processes vision. Even when we know that an illusion is not real, we still see it because the processing is happening at an unconscious level. This unconscious processing is essential for many of the sophisticated processes we associate with being human.

Myrna: That's fascinating. So, why does this matter in our everyday lives?

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The Unconscious brain: 95% of the brain process is unconscious

Dr. Campbell: Well, let's take reading as an example. The first stage of learning how to read is decoding, which happens automatically and unconsciously. If we couldn't learn to decode automatically, reading would be a much more challenging task. The, unconscious brain,  processing of the brain allows us to perform complex tasks without having to consciously think about every step. It's what makes us efficient and capable beings.

Myrna: That makes sense. So, it's like our brain is constantly working behind the scenes, allowing us to navigate the world without having to consciously process every little detail.

Dr. Campbell: Exactly. Our brain is constantly processing information and making decisions without us even realizing it. It's like having a personal assistant who takes care of all the background work, allowing us to focus on the things that require our conscious attention.

Myrna: That's incredible. Now, let's talk about memory. In your work, you mention that everyone's memory is unreliable. Can you explain what you mean by that?

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Your memory is unreliable

Dr. Campbell: Certainly. Memory is not like a video camera that records and stores every detail of our experiences. Every time we recall a memory, our brain recreates it, and during this process, it can introduce new information or distort the original memory. This means that our memories are not always accurate representations of what actually happened. It's important to understand that memory is not a perfect record of our past, but rather a reconstruction influenced by various factors.

Myrna: That's mind-boggling. So, even though we remember something vividly, it doesn't necessarily mean that it happened exactly as we remember it?

Dr. Campbell: That's correct. Our memories can be influenced by our emotions, beliefs, and even external suggestions. It's not uncommon for two people to remember the same event differently. This is why it's crucial to approach memory with caution and not rely solely on our recollections when making judgments or accusations.

Myrna: That's a powerful insight. It reminds me of the saying, “There are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth.” Our memories are subjective and can be influenced by various factors.

Dr. Campbell: Absolutely. It's essential to approach memory with humility and recognize that our recollections may not always be accurate. This understanding can lead to more tolerance and open-mindedness in our interactions with others.

Understanding the unconscious brain makes us more tolerant

Myrna: That brings me to my next question. You mentioned that understanding the brain makes us more tolerant. How does that connection work?

Dr. Campbell: The connection between understanding the brain and tolerance lies in the realization that certainty has unconscious origins. Our brain creates a feeling of certainty, even when we may be wrong. This feeling of certainty can lead to rigid beliefs and a lack of openness to other perspectives. However, when we understand that our certainty is not always based on objective truth, we can become more tolerant of differing opinions and be open to considering alternative viewpoints.

Myrna: That's a powerful insight. So, by recognizing that our certainty is not infallible, we can cultivate a sense of humility and empathy towards others who may hold different beliefs or perspectives.

Dr. Campbell: Exactly. It's about recognizing the limitations of our own certainty and being open to the possibility that we may be wrong. This can lead to more constructive conversations and a greater appreciation for the diversity of human experiences.

Book Are You Sure
Book Are You Sure Unconscious Origins of Certainty

Asking the unconscious brain: Are you sure?

Myrna: That's a valuable lesson for all of us. Now, let's talk about your book, “Are You Sure: The Unconscious Origins of Certainty.” What inspired you to write this book?

Dr. Campbell: My inspiration for writing this book came from the work of Robert Burton, whose research on certainty and the unconscious mind deeply resonated with me. I wanted to share these ideas with a broader audience and make neuroscience accessible to people from all backgrounds. The book explores the unconscious origins of certainty and delves into the fascinating world of the brain and how it shapes our experiences.

Myrna: That sounds fascinating. What do you hope readers will take away from your book?

Dr. Campbell: My ultimate goal is to expand people's understanding of the brain and its influence on our lives. I want readers to recognize the fallibility of memory, the power of unconscious processes, and the importance of tolerance and open-mindedness. By gaining a deeper understanding of the brain, we can navigate the complexities of life with more compassion and empathy.

Myrna: That's a powerful message. Thank you, Dr. Campbell, for sharing your insights and expertise with us today. It has been a pleasure having you on the show.

Dr. Campbell: Thank you, Myrna. It was my pleasure to be here.

Conclusion

In conclusion, our conversation with Dr. Virginia Campbell has shed light on the unconscious and intricate workings of the brain. We have learned that the majority of our brain's processes are unconscious, allowing us to perform complex tasks effortlessly. Memory, too, is not a perfect record of our past, but a reconstruction influenced by various factors. Understanding the fallibility of memory can lead to more tolerance and open-mindedness in our interactions with others. Dr. Campbell's book, “Are You Sure: The Unconscious Origins of Certainty,” delves deeper into these topics, providing readers with a greater understanding of the brain and its impact on our lives. By embracing the complexities of the brain, we can cultivate empathy, compassion, and a deeper appreciation for the diversity of human experiences. The journey of understanding our brain is ongoing, and it holds the potential to transform our lives and the world around us.

Embracing Change Together: The Transformative Power of Group Therapy

Tanya Cole-Lesnick, psychotherapist share the transformative power of, group therapy, and why there is, strength in numbers. She delves into the profound impact of, group therapy, in fostering personal growth and transformation. In this post Tanya shares how the power of collective support and shared experiences as individuals come together to navigate life's challenges, heal emotional wounds, and help others embark on a journey of self discovery. This podcast  offers a compelling exploration of the transformative dynamics found within the context of, group therapy.

Download the podcast here

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Bio

Tanya Cole Lesnick has been a psychotherapist which is a licensed clinical social worker and coach since 1995. She received her master's degree in social work from New York University after, group therapy, changed her life. She has extensive experience in outpatient hospital mental health, private practice and Wellness from those experiences. Over the years she has identified her most important focus helping people to live lives that light them up.

She does this by helping clients to access and honor their truth, change habits that do not serve them and to heal faulty narratives so they are living in alignment inside and out. Her work result revolves around intimate groups as she shares the inner words and being human together in a safe space is what she finds to be the most powerful way to transform Our Lives.

Myrna: In your bio Tanya you said that, group therapy, changed your life can you share that experience with us because I'm curious.

Tanya: I actually started my career out as a graphic designer and in those early days, I was very much longing for a, long-term love relationship, and I was struggling to find a partner and relationships were not lasting. I didn't really understand what was in the way for me.  The idea of therapy came to me but  I felt a lot of stigma associated with therapy.

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Introduction to group therapy

I also was very dismissive of my issues and thinking well that was aren't legitimate enough for me to explore therapy. But as time went on and my longing continued and the pattern wasn't changing, I decided I didn't really care if I was the right candidate or not I wanted something to change. I started therapy with this wonderful woman named Bonnie and right away that experience was very healing.

I felt like I could tell her what was going on. I did not feel judged by her, it felt emotionally safe to share my story and so that part was great. But very early on she suggested that I add, group therapy, and the thought of it was very terrifying, because I was much more vulnerable with her than I really ever had been. So the idea of sharing some of that stuff with people who at that time were strangers to me scared me.

But I was building some trust in Bonnie and she thought it was going to be helpful and I was sort of intrigued, so I said yes and started that process. It was really a combination of the two being in a group situation and then processing some of what came up for me separately with Bonnie and then going back to the group, where I was able to grow in lots of ways.

Number one, the reason why I thought maybe I wasn't able to have a long-term love relationship might have been because I wasn't lovable that was what my own brain was explaining to me. Maybe I was unlovable, maybe that was what the problem was, so by going into this group therapy, I was able to get to know people that I really admired and learn about their insecurities that were so similar to my insecurities.

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Group therapy helped me peel all all the false messaging

I was able to kind of peel away some of those messages that were just not true and got more comfortable in my own skin and developed some confidence became more embodied, because I think while I was trying to meet somebody. I kept curating the version of myself that I was going to show up at and trying to decide what somebody else was going to like rather than showing up fully as myself, because that didn't feel so safe.

And so all of that stuff happened. I did meet a man who became my husband pretty early on and he and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. We've got two grown amazing daughters so that life that I loved or happened and fairly quickly, but the part that I didn't anticipate was how much I was going to connect to myself, how meaningful that Journey was going to be for me and how much more satisfied with my life I became.

As I started to have a better relationship with myself, that's when I decided to go back to school and become a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist and coach and have been dedicating my life to helping other people have transformations of their own.

Myrna: Wow that is a very good story and it's almost original because you're right you know I've not heard anybody go into therapy because they're looking for a life partner, it's usually going into therapy because of some kind of trauma or addiction or something you know whether it's, group therapy, or not. So it's amazing that you did and so which is what makes us the spin on this conversation so unique. I absolutely love that and I have some circle backs.

One is that what I know, group therapy, is what I've seen in the movies and what use the reason like you know they have the when you go into therapy and you say you know my name is Myrna and  I'm an addict or whatever the reason that they do that there is because everybody there is an addict and everybody there can identify and you can share your space.

And I and I think they do that for the same reason that you said there's commonality, you feel that you're not alone. But what I don't understand you know maybe we can unpack a little bit so you felt that you weren't able to have a permanent relationship because you're unlovable and when you went into therapy you were able to realize that message wasn't true.

So if I'm thinking of me, I'm putting myself, if I think that I'm not lovable and I go into therapy and I see someone else that thinks that she's not lovable how is that going to change me? How is that going to transform me?

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How group therapy transforms your thinking

Tanya: These relationships happen over time, this particular group was every week, so week to week we might have different layers to very similar conversations. So if I'm watching somebody else who is talking about feeling unlovable and I can see how untrue it is, it opens up a little bit of possibility in my own mind that could be the case for me too.

If I can see how lovable she is and she can't see it for herself, maybe it's not that I'm unlovable, It's just I'm struggling to see it for myself which are very different things. So that was part of it. I think sharing more of my honest self with people and having people respond to that in such positive ways, I think helped me.

Also see that my inner world wasn't so off-putting. I thought it was, and so I would take a little more risk a little more risk as the relationships within, group therapy, grew. Everybody would share a little bit more and there was a very like in real time opening up that either happened or didn't. Some, group sessions, we maybe stayed a little bit more on the surface, other group sessions maybe we went a little bit deeper depending on sort of what got brought into the room and how we all responded to it; but the cumulative impact was really touching on these very deep places.

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Podbay FM

Group therapy allowed me to touch deep places

In these deep places that was not typically happening in my life outside of group or or most of us we don't typically go into such a deep place.
As  I practiced in, group therapy, It felt safer for me to start doing some of that outside in the world. This allowed me to meet my husband very quickly because I started to show up differently.

Myrna:  Why you think people fear, group therapy? I think you probably kind of hit the nail on the head earlier that people don't like to tell how they're really feeling, even in, group therapy, in a relationship. They always want to out on a mask.   I'm pretty sure that's one of the reasons. So why do you think people fear, group therapy?

Tanya: I think it's the vulnerability piece. I think it's what we are working on when we go into either a therapy or a, group therapy, situation ,we want to improve some things that aren't going well for us. So to be honest about what's not going well for us, I think does feel very vulnerable and there's real fear about how we're going to be received if people hear how badly we're struggling with something.

Myrna: In your experience what helps clients move forward towards the changes they long for and what keeps them stuck?

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Getting unstuck in group therapy

The  transformation starts when we recognize what we're each bringing into adulthood, what are our, limiting beliefs.  First off getting curious and checking in and recognizing where you've got messaging that's not serving you and then starting to make some changes which can bring up some  emotions. When we start to challenge some of this old beliefs, we start, getting unstuck.

Myrna: How do they go from being clear about what they want in life and starting, group therapy, or even regular therapy?

Tanya:  The first step I think starting to recognize the pain points can be really helpful, so it can be something like when are you agreeing to things that you're dreading that you don't want to be doing that you notice like emotions coming up that are really negative connected to that. Or you are getting depleted, feeling resentful because you've said yes to things you don't want to be doing.

Our energy actually gets maximized when we're living in alignment and we're not stuck in our heads weighing everything out assessing things, ruminating about things.

Myrna:  Let's say that you go into, group therapy, and they're saying Tanya do you have something to share, and you're sitting there and you're thinking of all the things that goes on in your mind. The messages in your mind.  And you tell yourself, I am not going to share nothing because they are going to think badly of me.   When do you decide to take the risk and share with the group?

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Taking risks of sharing in group therapy

Tanya: We take a risk like that in therapeutic environments all the time so for me it's not unusual to see it, but what I see in groups and I run little Retreats as well.  I see people taking those kinds of emotional risks with each other where they'll share something they feel maybe some shame about and feel uncomfortable to share, when I see people do that, I'm always sort of celebrating them.

The connections that happen when people feel permission to share is enormous.  Taking that chance and giving themselves permission is great. Someone else listening then says to themselves if they can do it, then I can do it too.  Those relationships in the groups that get formed are a special kind of communication that happens from this inner place that's so beautiful to watch.

Myrna:  I absolutely absolutely agree, because a lot of times when people are depressed they don't want to talk, they don't want to talk to anybody they hold it all in and therapy is talking, which is why talk therapy has become so popular.  In, group therapy, what you're doing is seeing that there's other people that feel the same way and then you don't feel so badly about yourself.

Tell us about your work with groups and how you help your clients and how listeners can connect with you and be a part of your work and your group.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Activate group coaching program

Tanya: I run a coaching group program called Activate where people get a combination of group sessions with a few individual sessions; so that people can focus on identifying what it is that they want to work on and bring that to group.  It's a six-month commitment and then sort of Midway through we assess what's shifting, where are they and continuing to adjust goals along the way; so people continue to clear whatever's in the way for them energetically and start to focus on building the lives that they really want to be living.

I do that group coaching program and do some small Retreats as well, because all my work is virtual except for The Retreat, so that's just a more intensive weekend when people can really check in and do some of the work that we do in group, but a little bit more intensively. I have one coming in New York in October so not you know a number of months away we just did one in April which was amazing and so anybody that's interested in working with me in any way.

I offer a free Discovery session that somebody can schedule themselves right on my website and it's 20 minutes to chat about whatever they might be thinking.  My website is  www.clearenergeticclutter.com

my social media handles are Tanyathetherapist 

 Conclusion

I think the thing that I often say at the very end is just to remind people number one to be kind to yourself This is a tricky process and I know that people have a tendency to get frustrated with themselves especially if you start to recognize patterns you're not thrilled about that you want to change it takes some time and energy to change some of these patterns so to be kind to yourself and allow yourself some quiet and some space to get in the habit of connecting to yourself. Those are the two things that I hope people really hold on to in this process.

That's good advice  To know yourself is to grow yourself so you got to know yourself. I got an aha moment almost from my first question why was, group therapy, different from regular therapy and you answered that right away and that was my aha moment and. I get it, I understand it so yes it was a good conversation.  Thank you Tanya for being on the show and for illuminating our our awareness of, group therapy.

If you're listening to this and iTunes we'd love for you to rate and review if you're listening on YouTube would love for you to subscribe. Until next time namaste

Additional Resources

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

Understanding Mental Illness: My Bipolar Life

If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar disorder,  it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time.  In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.

Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought  he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.

Today GABE HOWARD is an award-winning speaker, author, and podcast host who lives with bipolar disorder. He hosts the weekly Psych Central Podcast and is the co-host of the Not Crazy podcast. He’s the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations and has appeared on numerous websites, podcasts, and in many traditional media outlets

Introduction to My Bipolar Life

I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn't know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn't know anything was wrong.

Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.

I just thought it was normal to want to die.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.

The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married.  You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic;  being in the middle is where you want to be.

I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don't have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.

They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn't know, if my family didn't know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That's why I became a, mental health advocate.

I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn't be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

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Hypnosis-Everywhere with Ines Simpson explores, dissects, discusses and opens up the world of Hypnosis. You will discover that Hypnosis is a very big world indeed. In Hypnosis-Everywhere, Ines offers you tools and answers to deal with that tricky mind of yours, and proven ways to enrich your life.

Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other

webpage https://hypnosis.simpsonprotocol.com/hypnosis-on-the-radio

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

What is Mental Illness?

Mental Illness is an Asshole!

In his book Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations

Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.

All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.

For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.

In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.

I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.

I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.

Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that's when you meet the girl, that's when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.

Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.

In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.

If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it's simple.

It's much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?

 

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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?

Biological traits

Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.

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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar

Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years.  He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.

That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.

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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.

The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,

It's almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don't just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

https://myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

https://myhelps.us/9-steps-to-effective-advocacy/

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324602.php

 

 

How to Heal After being Abandoned

Being, abandoned, by  a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment.  It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient.  In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.

Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.

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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:

  • Devalued and rejected by others
  • Abandoned, by our parents
  • Feelings of, not good enough,  because we have lack.

When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same.  There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.

Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.

Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry.  With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.

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Abandoned, by Love

Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again.  This pattern is repeated often.

Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.

It takes work to heal your cracks.  The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.

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Identifying your, Abandonment, Feelings

Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:

  1. Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind.  You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
  2. Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
  3. In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
  4. Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.

In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.

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How the, Abandonment,  wound plays out in relationships:

  • Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
  • Overreacting to conflict
  • Becoming a pleaser
  • Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
  • Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
  • Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
  • Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
  • Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
  • In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.

An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.

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Additional Resources Abandonment

https://myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-effects-of-childhood-trauma-4147640

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201706/4-ways-childhood-trauma-impacts-adults

 

 

How to Heal Your Brokenness

My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase.  He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. We must heal our, brokenness if we are going to hold love, self-esteem, self-worth, or confidence.

Certified Life coach, Myrna Young and registered social worker, Arifah Yusaf discuss, How to Heal your Brokenness,

The LORD is near to the, broken hearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

 

In this blog and podcast here are some of the mental health topics we will be discussing every week.  We want to discuss real life issues and struggles of the, minority woman:

Brokenness
Brokenness

Lets start with, How to Heal your Brokenness,

My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase.  He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out.  That means that if you are, broken hearted,

  • you cannot hold love,
  • you cannot hold appreciation,
  • you cannot hold compliments,
  • you are incapable of receiving and holding anything.

So it is very important for us to find our cracks and mend them.  As, minority women, most of us have experienced some, brokenness, in our lives.

Here are the top 3 reasons for, Brokenness:

  1. Devalued and rejected by others
  2. Abandoned by our parents
  3. Feelings of not being good enough because we have lack.

 How do we Heal, brokenness?

I know in our practice of social work and in psychology, a lot of clinical professionals, look at the research study around ACES which is our first childhood experiences.

That study basically states that childhood experiences before the age of 18, whether that be witnessing abuse or being abused themselves, living in poverty or just going through traumatic events; Those experiences impact their, brokenness, as they grow up into adulthood.  It may impact how they maneuver through success or how they view themselves as  failures.

These experience are also linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential and even early death.

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Myrna Young, Life Coach, I agree that risky behaviors from, brokenness, usually means an absence of self-love and that can definitely lead to early death.

I am going to niche down in our conversation today to address women of color and, minority women, because that's who we are.

As women we can be, broken, both in our childhood and by narcissistic men in our adult lives, who have rejected us or devalued us.

Our, brokenness, becomes compared with the, broken hearted.   Also when we experience, brokenness, as children those experiences can leads us to get into unhealthy relationships.    Healing our, brokenness,  prevents us from repeating this pattern of unhealthy relationships that would leave us, broken hearted.

It takes work to heal our cracks.  The first step in coaching is to identify how you became, broken, and then replace your subconscious programming with a new program similar to writing over a CD disk.

 

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How to heal the, Broken Hearted

  1. Acknowledge that you are, broken
  2. Follow the pain – pay attention to where it hurts
  3. Trust outside eyes. Have close trusted friends to tell you what they see. This can also be a, life coach, who can uncover your blind spots.
  4. Allow love to mold you like the potter molds clay.
  5. Pray and meditate on the fruits of the spirit, peace, joy, love

Here is a story on, How we become broken, and the process of healing.

Arifah – In my years of practice, I obviously had a lot of opportunities to engage young people who have expressed feeling, broken, based on their lived experiences or their adverse childhood experiences.  As we talked about earlier in the segment, those experiences impact how they view themselves,  how they show up in relationships, in their place within society or their environments.

I recall speaking with this young woman who shared witnessing domestic abuse at home.  She actually found her mother's body when she came home from school one day. She was then placed into the foster care system.  At 18 years old having nowhere to go, she was placed into a shelter.  I remember her telling me that she really struggled with her identity and her self-esteem.  She harbored resentment towards her family because nobody had come to claim her in Foster care which magnified her, brokenness.

In her late teens she became pregnant and wanted to connect with her family; because she was starting to feel isolated and she wanted her child to know more about her family history. But she faced rejection once more. She decided that it was all up to her, to make a difference in her child's life.

She then stared setting small goals for herself and accomplishing them.  That started building her self-esteem until she recovered from her, brokenness. She became more engaged in her community and connected with other single mothers. She stopped blaming others or comparing herself to others and continued her healing process.

She decided to develop a plan with a network of positive healthy people. Eventually  she stopped defining herself as, broken, because she realized that she really could make a difference in the life of her child. It was all up to her, no one else.  Like the analogy of the broken vase, she couldn’t hold self-esteem, or self-worth, as a broken vessel, everything leaked out. When she became whole everything stayed in.  That is, how to heal your brokenness,

Free Download: Out of the Snares, How to Heal your Brokenness
Out of the Snares

As a gift to my radio and podcast audience and you my Blog readers, I want to give you a FREE COPY of my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement.

My purpose in writing this book was to share with my readers the power of intention as the energy in my life. This book is my testimony on how I overcame my, brokenness.

All my life I have been called lucky; but there is no such thing as luck just positive energy and preparation.

As women we sometimes fail because we are always working; but not On their lives. We instead work in our lives. To succeed your commitment to your own personal growth must parallel your commitment to building remarkable lives for yourself and your children.

After you read my book and become inspired by my story of success after starting out with nothing and healing my, brokenness, I would like to Help you get off the starting block with the most unbelievable coaching offer ever made!

If you are interested in doing something remarkable with your life and escape the Snares of failure from, broken relationships, broken marriages,  by moving your dreams from your head into your hands, then download your FREE book and purchase my coaching package.

You will never get a better chance to invest in you. I believe that you are worth it. Don't you?

To reach out to Arifah Yusaf at Lifted by Purpose head over to her web site https://liftedbypurpose.com/

Remember to download and subscribe on your favorite podcast player, iTunes, Spotify, Soundcloud, Google Play, iHeart radio

Additional Resources:

The Weight of the Cape: Why Am I Afraid to be Broken?

http://myhelps.us/personal-development-podcast/

https://myhelps.us/become-life-coach/

https://myhelps.us/how-to-become-lifted-by-your-purpose/

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

So What is, self- confidence? How do we define, self- confidence, and what does it look like?

Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.

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In Today's #podcast  Arifah and I are talking on the topic of How to build, Self-confidence, we want to  shed some light on one of the top struggles of , African American women,  self-confidence,

In the co-host chair today is registered, social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf.

What is Self-Confidence?

The most important thing to remember about, self- confidence, is that we were born with it. It is our natural state.

How many of you remember your play days as kids? As a child I was always the doctor or teacher.

Boys have no fear. They would climb to the tallest point in their home, put on a cape and jump! They were Superman!

So I would define, self- confidence, as certainty. Confident and certain that you are able to handle your job, your family, social events and personal relationships.

Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
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How do you build, self-confidence?

Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.

But a large percentage of, African American women,  and men suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, because of negative input from parents, peers, and loved ones.

Usually centered on their intellect, the color of their skin, their hair, their lips, their butt, the section of town they live, their lack of designer clothing, and the list goes on.

It is important to note that lack of, self-confidence, always comes from negative comments that you believe. If you don't let these negative comments in, they will never take root and grow.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
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Here is a story showcasing how a lack of, self-confidence,  usually starts.

A surgeon opened his office one day and found a tall black man in the waiting room. He was six feet four inches tall and towered over the surgeon. He complained about his lip. You see his underlip protruded out from his top lip. His girlfriend told him she was ashamed to be seen in public with him because of his ugly lip; so he came to the surgeon to get it fixed.

The surgeon told him there was nothing wrong with his lip, it was just a minor protrusion. The black man insisted on getting it fixed; so the surgeon gave him an outrageous price of $1200 hoping he would go away.

He did, he said that he didn't have that kind of money. But lo and behold, he came back the next day with a little black bag in his hand. He dumped the contents on the table. Bills poured out, his life savings; $1200 worth!

The doctor was shocked. He didn't want to deprive the man of his life savings so he made him an offer. He agreed to do the surgery for a smaller fee on the condition that he tell his lady love that he paid $1200 for the surgery.

The operation was simple enough and one week later all the bandages came off and the man had a smaller lip he was proud of. All the surgery was done inside the lip so he had no visible scars except for a small scar inside the lip. The man was happy, he strode from the doctor’s office full of, self-confidence, A commanding figure. Tall, black and proud.

However a few weeks later he was back in the surgeon’s  office. His body seemed to have shrunk, his hands lost their strength, his voice squeaked. The doctor asked him what happened to him.

He said “the African Bug, sir. It got me and it's killing me”

He told the doctor after he removed the bandages he went to see his lady love. She loved his lip and asked him how much he paid for the surgery.  When he told her $1200, she became enraged and cursed him saying she could have used that $1200 and accused him of hiding the money from her. She cursed him and told him he would die.

Deeply troubled and hurt, the man laid in his bed for 4 days worrying  about this curse that was going to kill him. Then running his tongue around, he discovered the horrible thing inside his mouth. He went to see a medical doctor who checked his mouth and confirmed that “the slimy African bug was stuck inside his mouth and it was indeed killing him.

The surgeon looked at this diminished and fearful man and asked him “Is it really in your mouth?”

“Yes sir,” the man said “the doctor tried to help get rid of it with liquids, pastes and potions – but nothing worked. The curse is too strong”. It’s burned inside my lip.

“Your lip?”

“Yes sir” the man said

“You didn't say lip before”

The doctor ran his finger at the back of the man's lip and told the disbelieving man that “the bug” was no more than scar tissue from his surgery.

The disbelieving man looked up in wonder and asked “then there is no African bug?”

The man stood up. Instantly he seemed to have regained his full height and strength. A rich smile spread over his face and his voice boomed out again. His, self-confidence, had returned.

The moral of this story is that you can’t get your, self-confidence, from other people. You have to take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and deal with them on your own terms.

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Let's bring Arifah into this, self-confidence, conversation. Arifah is a, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health issues. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.

Arifah I am sure that a large population of your clients suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, Why do you think that is?

I think there are many reasons young people lack, self-confidence, I often work with young people who experienced unhappy childhoods or maybe their parents neglected them in some way or they weren't involved much in their lives.

Also I'd say lack of, self -confidence, sometimes comes from negative input from teachers or authority figures in their lives. Sometimes teachers have a way of saying things that discourage young people.  Making them feel inadequate made and like they couldn't be successful.  That kind of influenced how they feel about themselves and their, self-confidence, I'd also say young people who have experienced trauma or bullying from their peers can obviously influence their, self-confidence,

I believe that when young people don't value themselves and sometimes that comes from people not validating them, they often lack, self-confidence,

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
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How to Build Your Self-Confidence through Courageous acts

As a, life coach, I believe that Courage is a byproduct of, self confidence,

It takes courage to walk up on stage and speak to an audience large or small.

It takes courage to call that guy you like and ask him out.

It takes courage to go into that interview even though you have no idea what you are going to say.

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So how do you make yourself, Face the Fear, but do it anyway?

Tell yourself that it is not going to kill you.

My grandmother used to say “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger”

And that's exactly what, Feeling the fear but doing it anyway does for you. It makes you stronger, it builds your, self-confidence, muscle because even if you bombed you got practice and practice also makes perfect!

Here are my steps to build your, self-confidence, muscle on public speaking or doing a presentation at work.

  1. You can start by writing out your speech word for word and just read it
  2. Then as you get more, self- confidence, and your brain recorded that you did not die, you weren't booed off the stage, nobody laughed at you.
  3. So the next step is to write out the headlines and speak from the heart on your headlines
  4. Sooner or later you will have, self- confidence, muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tony Robbins and command the attention of the audience.

Arifah What are your steps to building the, self-confidence, muscle?

I find that it  wasn't only their, self-confidence muscle,  that needed to be built up, it was their self-worth,  it was a whole bunch of things there was all built into the one thing.  If we were to put a label on it,  it would be that we're not enough.

You would not believe how many people feel that they are not enough;  even the most successful

people like, Michelle Obama, in her book “Becoming Michelle Obama” felt that she wasn't good enough.  Why did she feel that way?  Because she was black and from the south side of Chicago!

As, African American women,  we have got a lot of things that we have to deal with, we just have to believe that we are all born with purpose and with the love of God.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GetiPNOx9dU

I have seven steps that I use to help my clients gain, self-confidence:

  1. Self-reflection – every time I meet with them, I allow them to self-reflect on their day self-reflect on things that were happening in their lives with gratitude.
  2. Acknowledgement and self-acceptance – what makes them unique because everybody is unique.
  3. Positive reinforcement – praising their effort and not obsessing over mistakes.
  4. Mastering a skill – I had the girls work on a project. They created their own YouTube video. Everyone mastered a skill in the production of the video.
  5. Communication skills – I do a lot of exercises around different forms of communication. Assertiveness,  passive, passive aggressive etc.
  6. Positive self-talk and affirmations – paying attention to their internal dialogue
  7. Pay it forward – giving back helps build, self-confidence,

To listen to the full Podcast audio, download on your favorite podcast player.

Download on the following podcast players and please remember to subscribe, rate and review if you found this content helpful.

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Additional Resources:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/joyburnford/2019/01/08/confidence-one-more-muscle-to-exercise-this-year/

 

Why God Won’t Let You Die Before Your Time

 In this episode I talk with Wytisha Williams.  Wytisha's mother tried to take her life at 5 years old, she was molested by her biological father and she attempted suicide several times, but God won't let her die before she achieved her purpose. Her purpose is to help those who are suffering under the weight of depression, pain, or suicidal thoughts, to become their voice; that is why she wrote the book He Wouldn't Let Me Die

Download the podcast here 

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Bio

Wytisha Williams is a Mental Health Counselor/ PLPC born in Louisiana. She is also a disabled United States Army Veteran and transformational speaker. She coined the word Mind Empowerment which was inspired by the understanding that every challenge begins and ends with the mind. She created the character M.E. who is a white eagle with a crown and cape that represents her brand which signifies a person soaring above the obstacles that were meant to destroy any person.

The crown signifies being a conqueror of adversity and the cape represents being a superhero to oneself. Wytisha knows to defeat any challenge you must empower, equip and properly nurture the mind. She is also the author of HE WOULDN’T LET ME DIE!: To not walk in the purpose that you were given life for is a life not worth living.

Myrna: You start off your book summary with the following statement “This book is based on a series of true events such as the gruesome experience of a mother trying to murder her child, while the same child endures, sexual abuse, by their biological father.” So can you share your story with us please.

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My story of trauma and dysfunction

Wytisha: My life growing up was pretty much a life full of dysfunction. Severe, trauma, because the two people that actually brought me into this world, the most important people in my life, caused me the most, trauma. At age five, my mother tried to take my life. And then around the same age, I had an experience of, molestation, with my biological father. So, growing up, enduring so much, trauma, and it wasn't just in the household, I suffered a lot of unfair and unjust treatment through from my family members.

So as a child, I did not understand what was taking place and so many different things, so many different what I would call spirits were a part of my life that I lacked, self-esteem. I also endured some of the same abuse and unfair treatment, and bullying in school. I then begin to lash out and react in a way that was uncontrollable, which resulted to me being in a part of the judicial system in a negative manner, becoming a juvenile delinquent, which later kind of trickled over to my adulthood.

But, I always had a feeling that there was something better out there for me. I wanted to get out of Louisiana, so I actually attended college for a year but after still not addressing that, trauma, not receiving help for those childhood traumatic events; all of that stuff that was suppressed and deep down inside. I was still getting into trouble with the law. So, I decided to go into the, United States military. However, when you don't deal with, childhood trauma, it only manifests in a different manner, or a different way.

So, my behavior became quite severe while I was serving active duty and I was required by my chain of command to receive therapy and address issues that I had endured during my childhood. So that led to me receiving therapy. And that's when I developed a passion for therapy. It actually planted a seed inside me and motivated me to want to be that voice for people that suffer inside. So, I began the journey of becoming a therapist.

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How the Military helped with my trauma

Myrna: Wow. You know, as you tell the story, I know that you're healed from it, because I'm not picking up any residual effects of, trauma. So, you have released it. That’s awesome.  It looks like you were also injured in the, Military, and became a, disabled veteran. What happened there?

Wytisha: Not trying to go into too much detail. Being an active-duty soldier, I've endured multiple conditions within my body. And it's so funny because when people see me, from outward appearance, they're like, oh, where are you disabled? I have I have so much pushback when I go to get my disabled pay. When I go to get my certifications, and any type of discount. You know, I get so much pushback because I don't look disabled. What I continue to do is educate people on is every disability is not visual, you can't always see every disability, having, mental illness, that's considered a disability, and you can't see it.

Myrna: True, I know what you're talking about. PTSD, which is a disability, you can’t see that either.  What inspired you to write the book and share your story, and why did you pick such an amazing title?

He Wouldn't Let Me Die!: To Not Walk in the Purpose that You Were Given Life for is a Life Not Worth Living.

Book He Wouldn't let me die
Book He Wouldn't let me die

God won't let me die after several suicide attempts

I know from your bio, that you tried to commit, suicide, several times. So, let's talk with that your now. Is that the reason you wrote the book, you named your book, He wouldn't let me die?

Wytisha: Absolutely, yes, the title coincides with me trying to take my life. Like I say it was, trauma, from the very beginning of my childhood. Yeah, I tried try multiple times to, commit suicide. I did not want to be here, because I just felt hopeless. I felt like I wasn't worthy of love. I felt like nobody loved me. And I always felt that I was alone. And throughout so much, trauma, and always just being picked on in the home at the school in the community. I'm just like, I've never understood why every time I go somewhere, somebody wants to abuse me.

So, when I say my self-esteem was just little to none. The title also ties into people trying to take my life. I'm speaking about, you know, my mother, the giver of life other than my Creator. Her trying to take me out at the age of five. And then you know, I even talk about in my book, another near death experience that I faced with another family member at the age of seven. So, it was like doing the whole entire time of my childhood someone was trying to take me life.  When I just looked back over my life, God wouldn't let me die. So, that's where the title came from. The enemy has been trying to take me out since birth. You know and he wouldn't let me die.

Myrna: Why did you write the book?

Wytisha: I'm in a place now where I can actually tell the story holistically without any bitterness or without any type of anger or resentment. My book is basically to help others. So, what started happening to me is I could not sleep and it was like a spiritual thing. It was like God just kept telling me look, you overcame this. There are so many people that do not overcome, trauma. There are so many people that that has attempted to, commit suicide, and has accomplished it and they're no longer here to tell the story.

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God wouldn't let me die until I shared my story

And so as a therapist, I talked to so many people that experienced, trauma, abuse, molestation, sexual assault, and they will not talk it. about that mean they will not come for free. God just kept telling me you have to release book, because your story is going to help others heal and transform. And honestly, I've fought against it for so long because I did not want to verbalize it or disclose it.  So, I had to get to a place where I told myself it's not about you. It's about the people that you are going to help.

Myrna: That's amazing. You know, as you were talking, I was trying to think about what your parents thought about your book?

Wytisha: I don't have a relationship with either one of my parents especially since the book has come out. Like I said, I don't have any resentment towards them and I try to make it clear to so many people.  And honestly, I wish that we could have actually gone on this journey together. I know that both of my parents experienced, trauma, there was some things that happened to both of them in order for them to do to me what they did. So, when I became older, I began to understand that it didn't it begin with me, it didn't begin with them. Somewhere along the line something took place. And so, I'm so adamant about finding answers.

So I did ask both of my parents what happened? Let's talk about this thing. But their like whatever happened, it happened and we're not going to talk about it.

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Holding your parents accountable

Myrna: Well, they're probably not holding any accountability, because they were never, arrested or charged or anything. So, they're going to say that what you're saying is not true. They're not going to admit it. But yes, you have to talk about it. And a lot of people wait until their parents die actually, before they come out and talk about these things because they know how it's gonna affect the family. So, I give you kudos for being brave enough to talk about it now, so that you can help other people.

As for your parents, it's very true. Hurt people hurt people. It didn’t start with you, something happened to your parents. That's the reason they abused you. They should go on a journey of healing and they should ask your forgiveness, to be quite honest, and they should do that before they die.  Have you forgiven them?

Wytisha: I don't have any ill will towards them as people. I can’t say that I have forgiven them.

Myrna: You're doing great. We're talking about some very difficult things here and you're doing great. Excellent, let’s switch to, mental health awareness. You talk about being on the wrong side of the judicial system, serving in the, military, and now being a Therapist. Which one of these roles helped you the most with your, mental health, and, mind empowerment? .

Wytisha: All where necessary, the combination of every last milestone every less accomplishment is what actually has helped me to this point. The experience of me being on the wrong side of the judicial system actually helps me when it comes to counseling, because I can also counsel and help individuals that had been incarcerated. I actually work in a correctional facility, so I can relate on those issues.

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Helping veterans with military trauma and sexual trauma

I can also help and assist other, veterans, that are suffering from, PTSD, or any other type of, military trauma, any type of military, sexual trauma, you know, things of that nature. And being a therapist, of course, the one of the best techniques and counsel that you can put there is empathy, being able to empathize, being able to relate to a client, because it's one thing when you have an education, education is great, but most people they identify when the limitations of education.

When you sit down and you can actually listen to a person and then you can relate and understand and then also give them recommendations or help or resources that you have also utilized for yourself or apply to your own life. That takes it to another level.

Myrna: So true. One of my coaching clients told me that she would not go to a life coach that hasn't gone through the same experience that she wants help with, because she doesn't want anybody tell her stuff that they haven't gone through. This is why a lot of my coaches and even therapists always help clients with the issues they've overcome.

What do you want readers to walk away with after they put the book down? What is the goal of your book?

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The goal of Book: He Wouldn't Let me die

Wytisha: The goal of the book is to help others that have been through the same experience. Understand that as you say, and I love the way that you put it that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know by being a therapist, there are so many people that are still stuck in there, childhood trauma. And a lot of it comes from not wanting to talk about it, not being able to talk about it. So, I always tell people that this book was to basically be the voice for people that suffer in silence.

I want this book to be able to reach people in every nation, because I've shared it's not about gender. It's not about race. It's not about the creed. It's not about social economics, because we all on some level has experienced some type of, trauma.

It doesn't matter if it was psychological, mental, emotional, you know, and I shared this before. I mean, you can experience, trauma, as small as your parent making you tie your shoes 100 times a day and when you become an adult you no longer want to wear shoes with laces. Or your, trauma, can be as severe as the abuse I suffered, sexual abuse, and physical abuse.

I want people to be able to read this book and say if she did it, I can do it too. If she overcame it, I can overcome it too. And I just want to be that voice and I want to be that witness that you can overcome it. You can overcome it, that the, trauma, does not control you. It does not have to control you, you can find a way to heal and find a purpose and find joy, peace and happiness through all that you endure. And you have to be willing to let go of the pain.

Conclusion

We all want to learn, how to die.  When life is no longer fun for us we sometimes want to, die.

Myrna: How can people connect with you on social media and pick up a copy of your book?

Wytisha: You can pick up a copy of my book He Wouldn't Let Me Die!: To Not Walk in the Purpose that You Were Given Life for is a Life Not Worth Living

On amazon.com. You can reach me on Facebook Wytisha Williams and also Instagram @WytishaRisingPhoenix.

Additional Resources 

https://myhelps.us/reflection-4-rejection-mothers-abandonment/

What is the Connection between Sexual Abuse and Addiction?

Child Abuse, and, sexual abuse,  Statistics, show a connection between, child abuse, Mental Health, addiction, and depression.
In her book “Call me an addict, war on Women” By Dr Tra Ahia. shares Kreta's story of, child abuse, and sexual abuse, that started with her biological mother. I think this is very rare. Kreta said her mother was a sick person. Her, child abuse, was by her mother. Her mother used to make her kids do sexual acts on her boyfriend and her. Her mother and boyfriend also had sex in front of her and her brothers and sisters. This, abuse, started when she was about 4 years old.
Listen to the full interview here:

Kreta's story of, sexual abuse

Kreta was raped by an older boy around the age of 7.

Kreta's, child abuse, started when she was only 8 or 9 years old when she started smoking weed, crack and sniffing blow. As she got older when she didn't have money, she would perform sexual acts for coke.

Even though she was a good student in school she started ditching school to sleep with older men and eventually dropped out of school.

She started working for a pimp who continued her, sexual abuse, he beat her all the time and had other men rape her and pie on her. After a string of, sexually abusive, relationships She got pregnant several times while still doing drugs. She had two abortions; but decided to keep her third pregnancy – a baby girl.

She went in and out of rehab several times trying to stay clean but always relapsed.

Kreta's story ended the saddest of all 3 stories from the book “Call me an Addict, war Her, strange addiction, was out of control. She got so high one night that she stabbed her baby to death. She got life in prison.

Child Abuse Statistics

  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Illicit drug abuse
  • Smoking & drinking at an early age
  • Depression
  • Suicide attempts

I want to say that Kreta's mother surprised me; but I have heard, sexual abuse, stories like this one before. I had a coaching client who told me that her mother stopped having sex with her husband and when she was 4 years old gave her to her husband to have sex with. Tyler Perry tried to bring attention to this, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, in his movie Madea Family Reunion .

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Here are 5 Statistics about sexual abuse offenders

  1. Ages 12 to 14 are the peak ages for child offenders.
  2. 70 percent of perpetrators have between 1 and 9 victims.
  3. Child abuse, statistics, show as many as 40 percent of children who are, sexually abused, are abused by older or more powerful children.
  4. Sex offenses are the crimes least likely to involve strangers as perpetrators. Although a smaller percentage of, sex offenders, are women, the majority are male. Sex offenders, are generally NOT “dirty old men” or strangers lurking in alleys. They are typically not obviously mentally ill or retarded. In fact, sex offenders, are usually well known and trusted by the children they victimize, and frequently are members of the family, including fathers and stepfathers, brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. There is no clear-cut description or profile of a, sex offender. Thus, there is no way to recognize a potential, sex offender, and abuser; and it's often hard to believe that a trusted individual would be capable of abusing children.
  5. Children who disclose their abuse within one month are at a reduced risk for, depression, or substance abuse and, addiction. Believe your kids when they talk to you and LISTEN. 
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Why, Addiction and Depression are by products of Child Abuse

Although any type of, addiction, can trigger violence, those most likely to impair judgment, like drug and alcohol, addiction, are most often linked to addiction-related violence. Drug and alcohol use can weaken self-control, it’s not uncommon to see people who are under the influence engaging in behavior they usually wouldn’t if they were sober.

People living with, strange addictions, who commit violent crimes, is usually as a result of intoxication or as a means of obtaining money to finance their habits. According to an article published in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, more than 75 percent of people who seek treatment for, drug addiction, report having performed acts of violence, including mugging, physical assault and using a weapon to attack another person.

People who suppress negative feelings like anger or, depression, are more likely to drink or use, drugs, to the point of intoxication and exhibit violent behaviors. If you have Pent-up rage and you are using drugs, you are more likely to act violently because loss of self-control can increase your chances to act on your anger.

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help sexual abuse survivors

Dr Tra Ahia How does CBT help , sexual abuse survivors, to love themselves? What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Evidence is growing that, cognitive-behavioral therapy, (CBT) is an effective treatment for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, including those who have experienced physical, child abuse, and other traumatic events.

Most of the studies that have evaluated Trauma focused-CBT have been well designed. This treatment model represents a synthesis of trauma-sensitive interventions and well-established CBT principles treatment-outcome studies for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and otherwise traumatized children. The therapy was developed to resolve, post-traumatic stress disorder, and, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to address underlying distortions about self-blame, safety, the trustworthiness of others, and the world. The treatment also fits, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences into a broader context of children's lives so that their primary identity is not that of a victim.

Child abuse, statistics, show that CBT therapy allows, sexual abuse, victims to learn self-love.

 

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Arifah What does, Child abuse, statistics, show about self love?

It shows that if, child abuse, and sexual abuse, victims do the following, They begin to heal.

  • Take your time
  • Recognize that your needs matter
  • Forgive yourself and knowledge of self through therapy
  • Find a support group
  • Learn to practice self-compassion, to rid yourself of shame-based beliefs, such as you are worthless, defective, bad, or unlovable
  • Find time for self care activities (journaling, exercise, mediation, art, hanging out with people that care about you).
  • Gain new experiences (i.e. get involved in the community)
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

 

Dr Tra I am curious after listening to 100 stories like the ones you told in your book and from all the data you have collected over your 30 years in this space.  Why do you think fathers and stepfathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins, abuse, little girls?

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
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I want to comment on one of the, child abuse,  statistics,   the one that says 70% of perpetrators have between 1 to 9 victims.  I remember my,  sexual abuse, It was from a man  who I called grandfather, even though he was no relation.  He used to tell me to bring my friends, and he would do the same thing to them as he did me. In fact he had a reputation of liking little girls.  I never told anyone!

That’s another thing, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, statistics, show, victims never tell.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Here are 5 tips for loving yourself after, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, 

  1. Read Positive affirmations
  2. Heal the mind through the body (ie. Boxing, Running, Martial Arts)
  3. Mindful breathing exercises and meditation (stop, breathe and think app)
  4. Channel your pain into creativity ( i.e.journaling)
  5. Ask for help when you need it

 Conclusion, Child Abuse, and, Sexual Abuse 

Dr Tra, Do you support the, child abuse statistic, that says that if kids who are experiencing trauma of any kind tells someone who offers support, it has a direct and positive effect on the, sexual abuse and addiction connection?

Totally, when you tell someone what is being done to you, you release the shame of thinking you are to blame. You will also get help to cope with the emotions.  When you stay silent it eats away at you all your life and then you self-medicate with, drugs, and alcohol and your, sexual abuse, continues into your adult relationships.

Additional Resources on Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.masterproblems.com/2017/02/what-can-be-done-about-child-abuse.html

https://www.jennifersoldner.com/2014/05/when-your-child-cant-speak.html

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/subabuse_childmal.pdf

 

 

Why Health Literacy for Children is Important

Michael Dow , author of the Nurse Florence Children's book series says that  poor, health literacy, is a real thing. And so, nurse Florence, children's book series addresses these issues in many different ways. Not only does the general science help just bring basic education, like how do we smell things? How do we hear things? How do we see things? Basic things like, how does the brain work or how our nervous system works. But we've also started exploring disease topics such as, nurse Florence, what is kidney disease, nurse Florence, what is a heart attack?

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11254192-why-health-literacy-for-children-is-important.mp3?download=true

Bio

Michael Stephen Dow graduated nursing school in August 2020. Michael now works as a Registered Nurse at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. Michael is the Founder and Manager of Dow Creative Enterprises, LLC. His books have garnered the Silver Nautilus Book award in 2020 (Nurse Florence, Help I’m Bleeding) and an Award-Winning Finalist in the Religion category for the 2021 International Book Awards (A Prayer to Our Father in the Heavens: Possibly the Greatest Jewish Prayer of All Time). Michael believes we will need the best of science and religion to successfully navigate ourselves, our civilization, through the future obstacles we will face.

Myrna: Why did you become a children's book author?

Michael: My mom always said I would be a good author of children’s books. I wrote my first book, then I got my kids to read it, to be like a reviewer of the book. And in that first book, I thought it was really good. So, I submitted it for some Book Awards, and we got the silver Nautilus Book Award and their slogan was “Better Books For a Better World.” So that really inspired me to just keep writing. So, I did and we've gotten three other awards for two other books so far, and we're counting. We hope to get many awards every year, I recruited a team of illustrators, and now we've published over 25 books.

My ulterior motive was to educate my own children. They are in the review process and they get editor money, especially when they find that one misspelled word.

Myrna:  How old are your kids?

Michael: Well, I have a 15-year-old autistic child so, he's not really reading books and then I have a 12-year-old and a nine-year-old.

Nurse Florence tell me things about the heart
Nurse Florence tell me things about the heart
Nurse Florence Children's books teaches health literacy to kids as young as 4 years old

Myrna: What age range are you targeting with these books?

Michael: I think it's between ages 7 and 12. But, but we've already got some feedback that some parents have read the book to like four- and five-year-old and it because that there's pictures on every other page. One side is the picture, either a science drawing or maybe a drawing of the kids interacting with the nurse, and then the tech so the four- or five-year old’s are even enjoying listening to their parents read. And again, it is written at a pretty basic level. But we do introduce some medical words to kids in every book.

Myrna: Yeah. I absolutely love it. I love biology, I didn't take biology until I was in high school. But I absolutely love finding out how the body works and I can just imagine, four- or five-year old’s, learning, about how the body works then have all these questions for their parents.  That is the way kids are, they have a very curious mind and they have all these questions. So that's amazing. It's great to build their curiosity and to let them know, how the body works. And I would imagine that if any of this information sticks, when they do get the biology, they'll be ahead right?

Michael: That is my job. I think is to help all of these kids get a little bit ahead so that when they get to the high school class, they're hitting the ground running.

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Does Nurse Florence cover mental health topics

Myrna: I know that you are a registered nurse now and your current job is at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. So, do you have any books on, mental health? How are you using the data that you're collecting from being a nurse in a psychiatric hospital, in your books?

Michael: There are a couple of the books that I've incorporated some things about mental health.  One of these books is called “How Do our Fingernails Grow? In the book Jean is very nervous about a quiz. So, she bit her fingers too far back and has to go see the nurse to get a clip. And the nurse asked her why would you pull your fingernail like that? And she says, well, because I was very nervous with that quiz. I wanted to do really good. And so then the nurse teaches her a couple of coping skills like deep breathing, and, finger tapping.

The action or an act of tapping one's finger against a surface, especially in time to a musical beat, or as a sign of anxiety, agitation, etc.

So, we have started to occasionally incorporates, mental health, coping skills in our books. But after, nurse Florence, is fully developed, which I plan there to be around 300 books in the series, then I want to do a, mental health, series that will that will focus completely on, mental health. With all the different coping skills that we can do for different disorders. So, so that's in the future.

Myrna: You're doing excellent work. That was a beautiful way of introducing, mental health. Continue with that and write about some more of the things that people do. You know, you can even get into, cutting, and all the other things that the kids do.

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Does Nurse Florence address self harm

Michael: Yeah, Self-harm, is an issue that some parents that are listening to this are dealing with. The hospital that I worked at we regularly have patients there that are only there for, self-harm, and some of them have very bad scars up and down their arms and legs, and then they have to wear long sleeve shirts, maybe the rest of their life. These are so embarrassed what they've done. But there’s is a book that I found called “Freedom from Self Harm” I bought extra copies of this book on Amazon and I give them to those adolescent kids that have that real, self-harm, issues.

And every single kid that I've given that to have basically said it was life changing because the authors of this book let the child know that they understand where they're coming from and why they're doing it, and what they can do to help overcome those urges. So, if you have a child that's dealing with self-harming cutting behaviors, then get them this book.

Myrna: I brought it up because you're right, it's one of the things the kids do. Even Willow Smith, who is Will Smith’s daughter was talking about how she was, cutting, herself and her parents knew nothing about it. Now, our topic is about, health literacy for children. So, you feel you felt that our country is deficient in this. So, talk to us about our country's, health literacy, whether it's a good for kids or whether it's for adults. But do people know what's going on with their bodies?

https://youtu.be/ARb3KuRrSJc

Our country has poor health literacy

Michael: I'd like to read some things from HealthyPeople.gov so that we're on the same page. The Department of Health and Human Services defines, health literacy, as the degree to which individuals have the capacity to obtain, process and understand basic health information needed to make appropriate health decisions. So, what healthypeople.gov found is that patients with low, health literacy, levels are more likely to use the emergency department and more likely to return to the ICU after two weeks of being discharged.

They also they found that uninsured and publicly Insured, the people on Medicaid are at a higher risk for low, health literacy, and that almost half of adults who did not graduate from high school had low, health literacy. Another interesting thing that they found was that 74% of Spanish speaking, patients in the US had less than adequate, health literacy, as compared to 7% of English-speaking patients. So, the Hispanic community has an issue.  Another quick little fact here is that low, health literacy, is more prevalent among older adults, minority populations, those with low set socioeconomic status, and the medically underserved people.

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They found that people with low, health literacy:

  • have a problem finding a doctor or even services for their medical problems or mental health problem to even know who to even look for or what kind of specialty to look for?
  • They have a problem filling out health forms.
  • They have a problem telling their doctor or their nurse about their medical history.
  • They have a problem seeking preventative health care and
  • They also have problems connecting risky behaviors in their health problems.
  • They have a problem managing chronic health conditions like maybe heart disease or even chronic kidney disease.
  • They can have a problem understanding directions on medication bottles.
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Nurse Florence addresses health literacy for children

So, poor literacy in health is a real thing. And so, nurse Florence, the series addresses these issues in many different ways. Not only does the general science help just bring basic education like how do we smell thing? How do we hear things? How do we see things? Basic things like that, you know, how does the brain work or how our nervous system works and things like that. But we've also started exploring disease topics so, Nurse Florence, what is kidney disease, nurse Florence, what is a heart attack?

So, the idea is that if a parent or grandparents had a heart attack, then the parents could buy the heart attack book and read it with your child or grandchild? To show what grandma or grandpa has just gone through? We have already started finding is that really alleviates worry by the grandkids. Parents are giving us feedback like, hey, I'm reading this book with my child and I'm learning too. So not only are we increasing the, health literacy for children, so that they can grow up good education and understanding of how the body works, but parents as well they read it with their kids. They are going to learn a couple of things.

And then one other thing I'd like to especially note out if you noticed on the website, all the different covers that, nurse Florence, is different in every book. So, the Health Resources and Services Administration says that one thing that providers can do to help with low, health literacy, is to reflect the age, cultural, ethnic and racial diversity of patients. That means we need more African American doctors and nurses. We need more Hispanic doctors and nurses we need everybody in the system. You know, to help with all the different racial diversity.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
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Nurse Florence addresses Diversity and Inclusion

So, what we've done is, nurse Florence, is a different race and ethnicity in every book. And this is to inspire kids to be like, Hey Mommy, look at this nurse for she's she looks just like me. I could be a nurse when I grow up. So, we are addressing this, racial diversity, need in healthcare.  We got a Native American, nurse Florence, that's been drawn right now. In one of the future books, we're going to have an Indian.  We're just going to keep the ball rolling and keep all the different ethnicities, because we believe that, diversity, and also, inclusion, is very important in health care.

Maybe if we can inspire the kids while they're young, then maybe we can have a whole cohort of kids over the next five or 10 years that are gonna grow up wanting to get into the healthcare field or jobs in science, so that we can truly be racially diverse, ethnically diverse in in this important field.

One final thing about that Spanish comment is that there's a lot of low, health literacy, with the Spanish speaking. We're translating the books into Spanish and that's thanks to my wife. She's from Mexico. So, she is doing the Spanish translations and we hope to have an impact on the Hispanic community as well.

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Short list of Nurse Florence Children Book series

Myrna: That is absolutely amazing. You said a lot there. Let me see I don't have all the titles here, but some of the ones that we already talked about are:

So, these are some of the titles that I picked out from your website, what are some of the other titles that you want to highlight in this conversation?

Michael: Another of the, nurse Florence, series is “Can I get Lyme Disease from a Tick Bite?” So that was actually at the suggestion of one of the illustrators. Because, Lyme disease, is bacterial infection from the tick bite.  One thing that's neat is in the book, we have a very clear drawing picture of how to remove the tick with tweezers, the wrong and the right way. So, again, back to educating parents, not only our kids gonna get educated, but if the parents read this book with their child, they're gonna see the proper technique of how to remove a tick so they don’t get, Lyme disease.

Book Nurse Florence How do we hear things
Book Nurse Florence How do we hear things

Conclusion Pick up your copy of Nurse Florence

Myrna: Sounds amazing. How can listeners get copies of your books?

Michael: So, you can go to https://nurseflorence.org/ That's our main website and it has a links to many different things.  You can also find the books on Amazon. You might have to search like nurse Florence Michael Dow to get those books easily because there's so many books on, nurse Florence, and this is such a new series, the books are not at the top of the list.  There's also links to the programs that we've won the four awards for the three books, so that you can see for yourself on their websites of what we've won.

And, and also, I'd like to mention that next month we're going to start a contest an essay contests for kids.  The winner gets a set of free set of the, nurse Florence, current series. Why that will help them in science and in school and help with their character. The grand prize winner will get a free set of the hardcover books of every book that we published so far. And then there will be runner up that will get a couple of books. This contest will definitely be by the end of September of 2022. We're going to have the contest posted on the web site and you'll be able to do that submission so that your child can get reviewed and hopefully win the grand prize.

Additional Resources

How Nutritional Supplements Help you Achieve Optimum Health