Nonverbal communication, is a powerful tool that can greatly impact our relationships, both personally and professionally. In fact, research suggests that up to 93% of communication is nonverbal. This means that mastering the art of, nonverbal communication, can significantly enhance our connections with others. In this article, we will explore 10 strategies to enhance, nonverbal communication, for better relationships.
Maintaining eye contact is a powerful form of nonverbal communication that conveys interest and attentiveness.
Paying attention to body language, such as open body language and leaning in, can demonstrate attentiveness and receptiveness.
Subtly mirroring the body language and gestures of the person you’re communicating with can create a sense of rapport and connection.
Nonverbal communication: Maintaining Eye Contact
Eye contact is a vital component of, nonverbal communication. It conveys interest, sincerity, and attentiveness. When speaking with someone, maintaining appropriate eye contact signals your engagement and openness to communication. While it may be more comfortable to look away, maintaining eye contact is essential for conveying interest and building connections. Just like in romance movies, eye contact can convey love and interest. So, make an effort to maintain eye contact and let your eyes do the talking.
Pay Attention to Body Language
Body language speaks volumes in communication. Crossed arms, fidgeting, and avoiding eye contact can convey disinterest or defensiveness. On the other hand, open body language and leaning in can demonstrate attentiveness and receptiveness. It’s important to be aware of your own body language and pay attention to the body language of others. By being mindful of your body language, you can ensure that you are conveying the right message and fostering better relationships.
Mirroring and matching is a technique used to create rapport and connection with others. By subtly mirroring the body language and gestures of the person you’re communicating with, you can create a sense of similarity and understanding. However, it’s important to be careful not to mimic too closely, as it may come across as insincere or mockery. Mirroring and matching can be particularly useful in sales or any situation where building rapport is important. By mirroring the other person’s body language, you can establish a connection and make them feel more comfortable.
Nonverbal communication examples: Regulate Your Tone and Pitch
The tone and pitch of your voice play a significant role in how your message is received. Speaking clearly with a tone that matches the context of the conversation is crucial. A warm and friendly tone can foster trust and rapport, while a harsh or monotone voice can create tension. It’s important to be mindful of your tone and pitch and adjust them accordingly. If you’re speaking to someone with a soft-spoken demeanor, tone down your energy level to match theirs. Conversely, if you’re speaking to someone with high energy, bring up your energy level to match theirs. By regulating your, tone and pitch, you can effectively convey your message and build stronger connections.
Facial expressions are a powerful form of nonverbal communication. They convey a wealth of emotions and intentions. A genuine smile can express warmth and approachability, while appropriate facial expressions can match the tone of the conversation. Smiling genuinely goes a long way in building connections and fostering trust. So, remember to smile genuinely and use appropriate facial expressions to convey your emotions and intentions.
Non verbal Communication: Respect Personal Space
Respecting personal boundaries is crucial in nonverbal communication. Invading someone’s personal space can make them feel uncomfortable or threatened. It’s important to maintain an appropriate distance to communicate respect and consideration. While personal space may vary depending on cultural norms and individual preferences, a general rule of thumb is to maintain at least an arm’s length distance from someone you’re not familiar with. Only get close to someone’s face if you’re about to kiss them. By respecting personal space, you can create a comfortable environment for communication and build better relationships.
Listening attentively is an essential aspect of nonverbal communication. Nonverbal cues can be valuable tools for active listening. Maintaining eye contact, using facial expressions to show understanding or empathy, and leaning in can signal to the speaker that you’re fully engaged in the conversation. It’s important to be present and actively listen to the person speaking. Even if you’re not interjecting or responding, show your engagement through nonverbal cues such as nodding or saying phrases like “I understand.” By listening attentively, you can strengthen your connections and build better relationships.
Practice Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. By paying attention to nonverbal cues such as facial expressions and body language, you can better understand the emotions and perspectives of those around you. This fosters deeper connections and stronger relationships. When someone is sharing a sad story, show empathy by expressing your condolences or sadness. By practicing empathy, you can create a supportive and understanding environment for communication.
Seek Feedback
Seeking feedback from trusted friends, family members, or colleagues can provide valuable insights into your nonverbal communication. They can help you identify areas for improvement and make you more aware of your nonverbal cues. Women, in particular, may have unconscious nonverbal cues that they are not aware of, such as eye-rolling or sucking their teeth. By asking for feedback, you can become more conscious of your nonverbal communication and make necessary adjustments.
Authenticity is key in nonverbal communication. Genuine gestures, expressions, and body language are more likely to foster trust and build meaningful relationships than forced or insincere behaviors. It’s important to be true to yourself and let your nonverbal communication reflect your true emotions and intentions. By being authentic, you can create genuine connections and build stronger relationships.
In conclusion, mastering the art of nonverbal communication is essential for building better relationships in all aspects of life. By paying attention to your body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and personal space, you can convey understanding, empathy, and sincerity. This applies to various settings, whether it’s the boardroom, the bedroom, or even a podcast. Nonverbal communication, is a powerful tool that can greatly enhance our connections with others. So, watch your body language, be aware, and be conscious of the messages you’re sending nonverbally. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
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Listen to the full interview here:
How to Find the Right Group if you are an Introvert
Myrna – When you decided that because you were an, introvert, you were going to change your circle of friends because the friends you were hanging around with were not conducive to you in becoming a social person. How did you find the right group?
Okay, I don’t want people to think that I just completely abandoned everyone I knew or say I’m not talking to my old friends, I still kept in touch with everybody; but I tried to shift my focus more towards people that I thought would be of help to my course to become a networking, introvert.
I looked for groups of people that I thought would be good to be around them. I would find that they have to meetup groups. I would go to these meet up groups and introduce myself to some people. Everybody takes a little time to be comfortable around people, just like relationships they take a little time to build; but it starts off by you initially showing up and just being around and people starting to recognize you.
Myrna – I used to go sit in expensive hotel lobbies for a different reason, not for, networking, but that is a good way to, network, with the rich. I did it to get comfortable with wealth. You were doing it to build a network with influential people, which is good too.
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What inspired you to write the book An Introverts Guide ?
After I figured out how to, network, as an, introvert, by the way I am still an, introvert. I still like to spend a lot of time alone. I recharge myself; but then when I do network, I want to go out and be seen and be heard. I’m able to do that; but once I learned how to do this then, I was often invited to do some speaking about it. I would go to speaking events and people would ask me where can we get your book, and I would say I don’t have a book! I told myself, should probably write a book.
I realized there’s a lot of, introverts, who would get a lot out of a book about how to network as an, introvert, so I sat down and starting writing a book. I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to help, introverts, who were in similar situations be able to have the steps that they needed to upgrade their lifestyles and really enhance their experience, networking.
I think everything in life comes down to your connections and your relationships and if you can have better connected relationships, it makes the life of the, introvert, so much richer. You don’t even have to be, networking, with billionaires on yachts; it can just be with your own family and close friends or people in the community.
Myrna – One of the questions that popped into my mind as you were talking about speaking and meet-up groups was, did you join toastmasters?
I did go to toastmasters because everybody says, you have to go to toastmasters. I went to toastmasters but; I didn’t really like toastmasters. Everybody said to me what are you talking about, you have to like toastmasters, everybody likes toastmasters; but I don’t know it didn’t do it for me.
I know a lot of people say well if you’re shy and, introverted, and socially awkward; how can you do public speaking? I think I have some kind of weird defect in my brain that allows me to think whenever I do public speaking, I go into a dreamlike trance. We can do anything in our dreams, you’re not a body.
If you just say go talk to those four people over there then I become an, introvert; but if you say there’s a hundred people go talk to them that’s fine, I become an, extrovert.
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Myrna – You’re kidding that that’s weird wiring; but you know it’s not that I haven’t heard it before. It is probably a good time to have a definition of an, introvert, and how that is different from, extrovert. How does someone know if they’re an, extrovert, or, introvert? We can figure out that if you are shy you may be an, introvert but I am sure there is more.
Define an introvert and the different levels
There are some people that are more, introverted, than others and there’s different categories. I’d say generally you are an, introvert, if you get drained by being out and interacting with people and have to recharge by being yourself.
I fit that category, that’s the classic, introvert. You can also be shy and that doesn’t necessarily make you an, introvert. I suffered from being shy and being drained by being around people plus the social awkwardness. I did’t know what to do and how to even interact with people, so there’s different combinations of, introversion, and there’s different levels.
One of my closest friends who has had great success with some of the techniques I teach in my book, always makes fun of me; because he always tries to compare himself saying, I’m way more, introverted, than you. I tell him this isn’t a competition.
I say that to say there’s different levels for the, introvert; so there’s different things that different obstacles that, introverts, have to deal with. An obstacle for me might not be an obstacle for my friend. I mentioned the different types of, introverts, the steps in my book is able to help the whole spectrum of, introverts.
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Everything is for everybody; but I say at the beginning of the book pick out the parts that apply to you that you can use and then what’s not helpful right now just file it away and then maybe later once you hit a certain level maybe that’s going to come in handy at a later time.
How can your Book Help Introverts
Myrna– Your book is called “An introvert’s guide to world domination: become a high level networking and upgrade your life.” So what can someone walk away with after reading your book? What are the skills that you want transferred?
I love that question that was really good,
They are going to be able to know what their obstacles are.
What their blocks are
Identify those blocks so then they can get those out of the way
Then they’re going to be able to find social events that appeal to them that can help them achieve whatever goals they desire.
What are the networking steps covered in your book?
We find out what sort of networking, introverts, should you be doing; so we cover the personal, networking, and then I also teach about, networking, in the workplace and at social events. Depending on what your goal is, you’ll have clear steps on what to do in your personal social life, in the workplace and in, networking, events to level up in all of those areas.
You’ll know exactly what to do and say if you go to the company holiday party or if you’re just going to hang out, or you take your kid to soccer practice and there’s going to be a bunch of parents there.
You’ll know exactly what you need to do to be interesting and interested and engage in conversation
How to have good body language and appear confident, calm and approachable.
Show good energy, so you’ll be able to also maintain your relationship
Know where to go, what to do, when you get there who to talk to
What to say and how to talk to people once you’ve established a relationship
How to maintain those relationships; because why build all these relationships if you’re not going to maintain them.
Introverts, will have this whole spectrum of, networking, obstacles; so all they have to do is just work the steps. I break it down really easy; I put little things in there to make sure that, introverts, keep pushing forward. introverts, will be able to go out and put these steps into practice immediately, the very first day even before they finish the book.
What is the definition of a social introvert?
A social, introvert, is somebody who doesn’t like talking to people and is uncomfortable in social situations. That was my biggest challenge as an, introvert, and that’s why I concentrated my book on, networking; even though I think that there are some other areas being an, introvert, would have challenges with.
So there are social, introverts, who aren’t really good around people and they don’t want to be, they want to have nothing to do with, networking, so they’d just rather maybe stay in the science lab or stay in the basement playing video games. This book is not for this type, these steps are for the, introvert, who says, hey I would like to be able to do that, I just don’t know how.
I want to help, introverts, feel more confident just day to day in their regular life. Just going to the grocery store or if you live in an apartment building and your neighbors are out on their balcony and you think well I can’t go out on my balcony; because they’re there maybe I should wait until they go inside.
Or when it comes to your work place or when it comes to just any relationships, introverts, have an understanding of what being an, introvert, is really costing them. It’s costing them much more than you can possibly imagine, and it’s all these little micro instances of hiding. If, introverts, can just take that little extra step to not hide, it can completely change their life and lifestyle.
Myrna – I can imagine that an, introvert, is somebody who is a pleaser, because they don’t want to make a fuss right, they don’t want confrontation, they don’t want to challenge whatsoever.
Is the pandemic good or bad for the introvert?
All the, networking, in person situations are no longer an issue and we’re like talking on zoom and we’re in our bedroom and in our house and we don’t have to go out; so is an, introvert’s, heaven. The pandemic is this helping them stay hidden we, introverts, think this is the best time to be alive ever in the history! It gives the, introvert, the excuse to say, hey I would love to be out socializing and hobnobbing with everybody; but I’m locked down.
What can introverts do to make the most of this pandemic situation?
One of the things the, introvert, can do during the pandemic is to strengthen the relationships you already have. COVID gives you a perfect excuse to go through your work email and your personal email of all your contacts and see who you haven’t touched base within say three months. Make a list of those people and then every day just contact a few and just say, hey how are you doing during COVID?
Myrna – I’m going to borrow that to touch base with my real estate clients and just keep up the, networking, because a great strategy for realtors whether they are, introverts, or not to keep, networking, during the pandemic.
How to build your network as an Introvert
If you want to become a high-level networker, or upgrade your life both, introverts, and, extroverts, can be a high-level networker. I’ve had a lot of students who are realtors and they are not, introverts, but they just wanted an edge over their competition and so they used some of these techniques,
Where can listeners get a copy of your book and connect with you on social media?
My book is available on amazon.com An introvert’s guide to world domination You can also visit me on the web at connectedintrovert.com. I have an online course and a mentorship program and a free mini master class.
Thanks for listening to this podcast or watching on YouTube. If you are an iTunes user, please subscribe, rate and review this podcast. I also want to invite you to my Facebook group called Lifecoach and it’s growing by leaps and bounds and you know every day I post little you know inspiring messages.
Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective.
Shari Foos is a Marriage and Family Therapist, adjunct professor and the creator of The Narrative Method, a California 501c3 non-profit organization. Part of the Human Connection movement, TNM creates programs, products and experiences that address the growing isolation and need for real connection through sharing stories. Foos also co-founded the Bridge in 1999, a free humanities program for low-income adults at Antioch University Los Angeles. She received a MS in Narrative Medicine from Columbia University and a MA in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles.
As a sought-after expert on the subject of, relationships, remote group dynamics and meaningful connection, her writing and commentary have appeared in a range of online and print publications and podcasts, including Real Simple, Huffington Post, Women’s Health, KBLA, Fatherly, Thrive Global, Shondaland, The LA Weekly, Sparks & Honey Culture Briefings, Sondership, Let Pleasure be The Measure, and Bustle. Ms. Foos serves on the board of the City Kids Foundation and is the recipient of the New Directions for Veterans Community Hero Award (2015) and The Antioch University Los Angeles Lifetime Achievement Award (2016).
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Shari: I do think every one of us has had, trauma, different degrees, but we certainly all know the feeling of loss or shame or humiliation, or unfair treatment etc. I think of emotions like a piano with all of the keys, we have all of them to different extents at different times. But even if we don’t always use those really high notes or the low, low, low, notes, they’re there and that serves as our empathy. And because of that, we can sit with someone who’s going through something terrible that maybe in our day-to-day life, we’ve never experienced, but we can feel it in our soul because it’s a human experience.
When we put ourselves aside to be truly present and available with our lovingness acceptance or non-judgment or empathy, to hear someone’s story, from their perspective, not our judgment or assumptions. That person feels better. No matter what the problem is, they feel better, because without being heard, we go crazy, that is all part of, relational mindfulness.
When someone comes to you who you love, and they’re really excited about something and you’re so excited with them, that’s when you are aligned, right? You are, head-to-head, heart to heart. That’s easy. But when somebody comes to you, with a complexity that you have a lot of feelings about whether it’s addiction or someone’s choice of spouse or whatever that may be. It’s more difficult. And that’s why we practice awareness, wonder, empathy that is called, AWE, or, relational mindfulness.
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Myrna: Exactly. And here’s where I think it’s going to lead into something else, I know you’re interested in, which is, relational mindfulness.
You had a bad childhood bridge, the gap for us. How did you go from having a bad childhood to being a therapist, and a, marriage therapist? Did it have something to do with your parents’ marriage?
Shari: Well, yeah, that wasn’t very good, my father was a rageaholic and it was at a time where even more so than now, there was a lack of understanding about, mental health. And so, he wouldn’t seek treatment and it just wasn’t in the mentality of people then. So as a result of my having a childhood in which I was wounded, and on top of that, I was never heard or seen, you know, and it’s not uncommon. Lots of people grow up like that, but don’t know that it could be better. So, I was fortunate in that I had friends and I would go to their houses and see like, Wait a minute. This is different from my house.
I watched Leave It to Beaver, where the father would, talk, about it in the library. Our family definitely didn’t have talks. As a result, and probably because of who I came in as into the world, I’ve just always been incredibly passionate about what makes people feel behave. So, I would study my father, the sweat on his upper lip, depending on what was happening there. I knew he was about to blow, and that’s when I got interested in, body language.
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Relational mindfulness starts with reading body language
Myrna: That is excellent on so many levels. One, let’s, talk, about the, talk, issue. I mean, I love that, when I’m talking to someone on the show, I can always bring in personal experience. I read a lot of books, I listen to podcasts and watch television shows. Just yesterday, I was watching of all things Reba, where the it was meant to be comedy, but Van was talking to Reba about her relationship with her daughter and he says, you guys do something called, talk!
And that was so funny. And that’s basically what you’re just saying. You went to other places and saw people actually talking and there was no talking going on in your house. So, you’re right, about your, childhood trauma. Everything starts from there. In fact, I was even reading this book yesterday and it says that every child goes through some kind of emotional damage, even the ones that think they had a great, childhood.
So, talk to us now about, relational mindfulness, and how this, awareness, builds, relationships. You know, a lot of times men has moods, and women have moods, and being aware of when they’re going into a mood or something could be, relational mindfulness.
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Shari: Right, that’s a great concept. And it’s a great question. Here’s again, I know it’s a new word. It’s gonna take a while to sink in. But that talking thing, talk, talk, whatever. When you live with someone, you don’t have to consciously think whoa, his shoulders are slumped or, her bottom lip is really pouty but there is a tremendous value in our being able to break down the, communication, the nuanced, communication, that is silent, because it’s one thing that we rely on we rely on it not just for survival.
That’s what lovemaking is. And that’s what disconnecting is. So, here’s, here’s a good thing that you may do consciously or unconsciously, but you could see that the other persons in a bad mood, and then maybe it triggers you to think, Oh, great. Now I got to take care of you. You know, I have some needs too, but had you been able to, talk, to the person you both might have found out what was going on with each other? Here’s the number one thing to do. It’s so easy. If you need to have a serious, talk, because when we, talk, about, relational mindfulness, it’s a very deliberate action.
It would be really hard to live in that 24/7 You know, but it’s a state of hyper awareness. Of the impact of your words, settled communications, as well as the other person’s. And the idea is you never begin a conversation like that, unless both people in this moment feel willing to be selfless and take turns listening.
And it’s okay. It’s gotta be okay if the persons not there. Because we know that sometimes they’ll say, okay, I’ll talk about something. And if your heart isn’t into it, and a person is asking you to really look at it from my perspective, if there’s resistance, it’s not a good time to talk about it. It’s okay, let’s wait. That’s, relational mindfulness.
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Honestly, you could cancel out so many problems with, relational mindfulness. It’s just good to hear for 20 minutes five minutes, whatever. Would you be willing to have a session of all where we’re both agreeing to mutual respect, awareness, wonder and empathy, taking turns sharing our feelings and then reflecting them back to the other person.
Reflecting them back in the storyteller, making sure that they’ve got it right. And lovingly, of course, correcting each other, then we’ve got it right. Now we can move on to another point that the same person estimate or the other person can share their perspective, but constantly check in because it’s a lot to put yourself aside, especially when somebody is saying things that like, you know, 10 minutes ago.
Wait a minute. I don’t agree with that. So, one thing I often will do for myself is I’ll keep a little pen and paper just so that I can get something off my mind. I don’t even have to look at it to scribble it.
Or ask the person to stop, but everybody realizes that this is a very focused state that is difficult to maintain. There are times we maintain it for a long time, especially for meeting somebody new who may not be pushing our buttons the way our spouse does, but who out there has or has had a spouse has never felt like I’ve told you that a million times before.
I mean, if they had said what they thought they had said, you would have heard it. The problem is either in the delivery or the receiving, let’s find out. Let’s find out with the, communication.
Myrna: That’s a good point. So, you’re saying when they say that I’ve told you a million times, they’ve said it in their heads but not to you?
Shari: Or the way that they’re articulating it? isn’t getting through to you. A lot of times, they’re saying the words but their body action is not is not conveying the message, and the receiver doesn’t actually believe it.
Myrna: So that’s great. But I want to circle back to something you said there where you’re right sometimes is not the right time to ask somebody to talk or ask somebody to get into. I like that, you know, awareness, wonder, and, empathy. I normally work with energy, because I can feel, energy. And I know when it’s not the right time because of, energy. How do you respond with that?
Shari: Well, I think there are two factors for me in terms of reading someone else. One is certain things are obvious. For instance, if someone’s crying, you don’t necessarily know right off the bat, why the person is crying, or if they’re crying for joy or sadness. You soon see the difference. But we can misinterpret someone because of the way they think about something.
So even though I pay attention to my instincts, I always check in so you know if I see someone’s upset and I feel like they want to be alone, I still want to say I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if you want to, talk, about it, but I want you to know I’m here for you or I want you to know I’m so sorry I have to leave or whatever is true for you.
Myrna: I like that, because sometimes you see something and there’s one and why are you bothering me? If you’re saying you’re just checking in, I don’t know if you want to, talk, about it or not. That’s good, but I’m just checking in let me know when you want to, talk, or something like that.
We’re touching a lot of stuff on, relational mindfulness. How would you describe, relational mindfulness?
Shari: Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective. And that’s really what it is. So, the idea is, we take turns, especially if we’re having a problem with each other, we’ve already tried both talking at the same time.
And I know, we both know, we’re right, but I’m right. Okay, we’ve done that. And at some point, we may get to a place where we decide I’d rather communicate than be right sometimes I’d rather apologize can be right, because if you perceive that my action, or behavior, or style or subtle communication was offensive, it doesn’t really matter. If that was my intention. I am sorry. I’m especially sorry, that wasn’t my intention.
How does awareness wonder and empathy deepen relationships
Myrna: How do you think that, awareness, wonder, and, empathy, deepens, relationships? What does the science say?
Shari: Well, first of all, one thing that connects our brains is, eye contact, which we can accomplish online which is amazing. Our, eye contact, connects us, syncs our brains. And if we were in MRI machines, you will see our brains are lit up in the same place. But if our backs are to each other, first of all, we don’t know what expression is on someone’s face.
Maybe their faces are mean. If you’re at some level of aggravation, it’s a good time to not have an, AWE, session. Take care of yourself first, run around the block, take a shower, ask for a hug if you’re able, you know, but we need to do what we can do to kind of get our homeostasis back. I suggest to people this self-soothing tool that you can do any place at any time. You take your dominant hand, put it on your heart, and when you really start feeling your heartbeat, you let your hand take comfort from that and vice versa. So, it’s a loop of calm. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to deal with this moment.
Shari: This is the organization I founded in 2014. And it is devoted to bringing together people from completely different backgrounds to connect through sharing the stories of their lives and creative experiences. So, as I mentioned earlier, we do writing groups that are for free on online and they last one hour. You write for a total of 20 minutes, you see pictures, you get prompts. You go into breakouts; you share your stories. At the end, we do this mosaic where everybody pitches in one sentence. One hour, in and out.
Nobody has writer’s block. Nobody’s judged, nobody’s wrong. There’s no mistakes possible. People have a blast with themselves, because we’re really working on how to turn on your creative faucet without that voice inside that says how many. And then the conversation groups which we do on Thursday nights are a matter of seeing compelling videos about anything.
Then getting a prompt and going into breakouts and sharing a story that just came up as a result of those things. And so, people get to know each other because there’s no small talk. And it’s fascinating to hear, not just another person’s story, but whoa, that made you think of this? It’s fascinating. It’s so cool. We offer those free. We have classes, we do trainings. The website is www.thenarrativemethod.org
