Sexy total health, is not about how you look on the outside but on the inside. When you become conscious of these secrets, you embody, total health care.
When you become conscious of nature, mental health, presence and spirituality you have, sexy total health.
In this episode of the Transform your Mind radio and podcast, Host Myrna Young, Life Coach, interviews UDO ERASMUS, founder of Udo’s Choice, author of the book Fats and Oils: The Complete Guide to Fats and Oils in Health and Nutrition and Total Sexy Health. Udo shares his 8 secrets to Sexy, Total Health.
Udo: I can remember the fear the anxiety I had as a child growing up during the second world war in Europe, Sometimes you will hear me say that I was born in hell; and with a lot of help from visible and invisible friends, walked a long crooked path from there to heaven. I became a good reader of adventure stories, to escape hell even in the mind.
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As I grew older, along the way, I tried out many things and learned a lot. Every trade and job, every movement or breath and every step led me to the next turn on the path to find new, different and out-of-the-box possibilities.
I discovered that just like you take time to go to the bathroom, or time for breakfast everyday, you should take time to create awareness. Go back inside to the core of your being, to the magnificence of your soul.
You are not your body, you are the owner of the of your body.
That is why I created, Sexy Total Health.
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My question to you is, how much time do you spend with the owner of your body to create, total health?
Myrna: Interestingly, I was listening to Dr Deepak Chopra on Facebook live this morning and he was teaching about communing with nature and negative ions from plants and trees. I started touching shrubs as I passed them in the park on my morning walk. I am seeking sexy, total health, myself.
Udo: After searching for purpose for several years, I took a job as a pesticide sprayer and ended up with pesticide poisoning. Trying to cure myself, I started studying oils and fats. Frying your foods in oil is associated with all kinds of problems including diabetes, inflammatory diseases like arthritis, and also with cardiovascular problems. So I developed a method for making them under protection from oxygen and heat. Oils are the most sensitive and therefore most easily damaged of the essential nutrients. Light, oxygen in the air, and high temperature damage them, and then they damage your body.
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Did you get enough of the omega-3 or Flaxseed oil in your diet? 99% of the population don't get enough omega-3 needed for, total health care,
Total health, is more than just using the right oils, actually everything affects your, total health. For example your politics affect your, total health. if there's something going on that isn't right with the heart or right with, total health care, then it stresses you out.
How active you are affect your sexy, total health, the water you drink affect your, total health, but we focus mostly on on the interaction with the world. Our kids, our employer, the religious system, or the educational system, or the political system. Our awareness does not go inside.
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Here are the 8 Secrets of Sexy Total Health
Digestion – EXCESS CARBOHYDRATES TURN OFF YOUR FAT BURNING GENES. Since excess carbohydrates (eating more of them than your body burns) can cause many health problems, it is only logical, practical and important that your body makes sure that you burn carbohydrates first.
Nutrition – Fats and oils come in two completely contradictory forms. There are fats/oils that heal, and there are fats/oils that kill. The truth is that to make good choices for better health, you have to know which is which, and then choose the fats/oils that heal. More physical health problems come from bad (damaged) oils than from any other part of nutrition. Knowing how to use oils is essential to sexy, total health.
Mental health – Becoming aware of being aware, you discover both the calm stillness that is awareness’ nature, and everything else that unfolds in that stillness. Real, true, personal peace and mental health has its roots in the core of your existence beyond your senses. With that awareness, you can solve the challenges and conflicts within you and surrounding you. Mental health is essential to, total health.
Presence – Presence underpins your essence and being. Your emptiness is not empty. It’s filled with your undiscovered magnificence and the precursor to sexy, total health. Don’t get stuck in the words. Words only point at essence; they are not essence. Let them float in the space of your being, and become aware of that space in you.
Consciousness – Consciousness is the field physicists call God. Consciousness is everywhere. It is omnipresent, in charge of everything going on in the entire universe.
Emotional awareness – Lack of awareness of your internal foundation begins your problems. Awareness of that internal foundation makes practical solutions to your problems available and accessible. Aware and focused in stillness, you find insights and knowledge. Stillness is the only known reliable practice for deepening insights. They are your best source of power, wisdom and manifestation. Live your life focused. Be focused in the present, which contains all that exists. Nothing is more powerful than the present moment.
Natural living – clean water, clean food, clean air and being in nature
Sleep – is Life Energy it inspires creativity and necessary for sexy, total health.
Download your FREE copy of Total Sexy Health Here:
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Are you Happy? Today Dr Ahia, Psychologist and I discuss, How to be Happy. Their is a mathematical formula for, happiness. H=S +C + V i.e. means Your happiness is based on your set point. What are the conditions that make you happy. Are you choosing to make the voluntary choices to make to be happy.
The, happiness formula, is a mathematical equation on, how to be happy.
What does it take to be happy?
To answer that question you have to understand your blueprint for, happiness.
Your blueprint is the story you have in your head about how life is supposed to be.
The most popular archetype is the blueprint that says you have to be successful to find, happiness.
Here is a Test to see your Capacity for, Happiness:
What is an area in your life that you feel happy about?
Then ask yourself, why are you happy with that area?
You could find, happiness, in your body, your marriage, your career, your friends, your finances, your kids, your relationship with God etc.
If your Life Conditions or LC match your blueprint for, happiness, you will find, happiness, in this area.
Let's pick an easy one to see, how to be happy, I am sure you know people who are happy with being overweight.
They find, happiness, with their body because their blueprint says, Big is Beautiful. They love being Big. You may also know someone who is a twig and they feel fat. You become unhappy with your body when you step on the scale and it is different than your blueprint for, happiness, with your weight or body.
While you are in this space you can also get clarity on why you are Unhappy with some areas of your life.
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The Happiness Formula, How to be Happy
Happiness, is defined as a feeling of contentment, that life is as it should be. Perfect, happiness, comes when you have all your needs met according to your blueprint of what life should be.
Here is the formula for, Happiness
H=S +C + V
Happiness is “H”
S – Set point or genetic capacity for happiness
C- Conditions or circumstances of living
V – Voluntary choices
Your Set point or core belief is both genetic and environmental. Do you see life as an opportunity or do you see life as a problem?
Your set point for, happiness, is determined in the first 3 years of life by parents or caretakers. Your neurons mirror your parents. If your parents were always criticizing each other or playing the victim; that's what you grow up to be. A critical person always seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full. You feel victimized by life. You blame the system for your lack of, happiness, in life. You feel you were born on the other side of the tracks.
On the other hand If your parents were happy, then you grew up thinking that life is a place for service and to look for the silver lining under every cloud. Never being the victim because victims have no power. Your set point on, how to be happy, if pretty high.
Your set point represents 50% of your, happiness, so if you have a negative set point, you are always fighting an uphill battle.
Fortunately, your set point for, happiness, can be changed through therapy?
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The second factor in the, Happiness Formula is your capacity for happiness or your Life Conditions “C”
C = Conditions of living – conditions of living represents 10 -12% of your, happiness. For example If you are extremely poor you can't be happy because your basic needs are not being met and your poverty becomes a source of stress.
There is a movie I saw years ago called the, Happiness, movie. It showcased people in India living in very poor conditions, earning something like $100 per year and they found, happiness.
How to be happy, they had love, they had family and since poverty is what they knew from birth, their blueprint for, happiness, was different than someone born into wealth.
Do you know poor people who are happy? I am sure you do.
When your Life conditions don't match your blueprint that is when you suffer. Stress, depression, substance abuse this is the doorway they enter from. Not always but most times.
The next leg on, How to be Happy, is “V”
V = Voluntary Choices. These are the choices you make every day =these choices represent 40% of your, happiness.
If your choices are all about personal pleasure then your, happiness, will be transient.
In the US the #1 choice for personal pleasure is shopping
#2 is alcohol and food
# 3 sex
When you make choices for personal pleasure your, happiness, lasts a few days or a few months at best. If you are trying to find, happiness, by acquiring things like cars, clothes, houses, jewelry. The, happiness, lasts a few weeks or at best 6 months then it is no longer a source of joy.
This is the same for alcohol, food, drugs, sex.
Lasting, Happiness, does not come from external sources.
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If you are suffering in your marriage, your relationships, or anything other than your health, you can change your blueprint and find, happiness. If you feel you have no control to change your Life conditions, that is when there is pain.
You can change your set point through meditation and expanding your consciousness.
If you don't like your conditions of living or your body, change it. It is in your control. If you don't want to change your conditions then you must change your blueprint.
When I first got married my husband and I fought constantly. We had different blueprints of what marriage was supposed to be. We are still together today because we both changed our blueprints. Most couples end up in divorce court because they refuse to change their blueprint of what it take to find, happiness, in a marriage or after a divorce.
Instead of making the choice of personal pleasure, spend your money or time on experiences like vacations, adventure, entertainment, being social with friends etc. Creating Good memories make you happy.
The fastest way to, happiness, is to give others attention, appreciation, acknowledgment, affection, or acceptance.
Before you make choices, ask yourself would this choice make me happy? Will it make others happy? You cannot find, happiness, making others unhappy.
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So What is, self- confidence? How do we define, self- confidence, and what does it look like?
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
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In Today's #podcast Arifah and I are talking on the topic of How to build, Self-confidence, we want to shed some light on one of the top struggles of , African American women, self-confidence,
In the co-host chair today is registered, social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf.
What is Self-Confidence?
The most important thing to remember about, self- confidence, is that we were born with it. It is our natural state.
How many of you remember your play days as kids? As a child I was always the doctor or teacher.
Boys have no fear. They would climb to the tallest point in their home, put on a cape and jump! They were Superman!
So I would define, self- confidence, as certainty. Confident and certain that you are able to handle your job, your family, social events and personal relationships.
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
But a large percentage of, African American women, and men suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, because of negative input from parents, peers, and loved ones.
Usually centered on their intellect, the color of their skin, their hair, their lips, their butt, the section of town they live, their lack of designer clothing, and the list goes on.
It is important to note that lack of, self-confidence, always comes from negative comments that you believe. If you don't let these negative comments in, they will never take root and grow.
Here is a story showcasing how a lack of, self-confidence, usually starts.
A surgeon opened his office one day and found a tall black man in the waiting room. He was six feet four inches tall and towered over the surgeon. He complained about his lip. You see his underlip protruded out from his top lip. His girlfriend told him she was ashamed to be seen in public with him because of his ugly lip; so he came to the surgeon to get it fixed.
The surgeon told him there was nothing wrong with his lip, it was just a minor protrusion. The black man insisted on getting it fixed; so the surgeon gave him an outrageous price of $1200 hoping he would go away.
He did, he said that he didn't have that kind of money. But lo and behold, he came back the next day with a little black bag in his hand. He dumped the contents on the table. Bills poured out, his life savings; $1200 worth!
The doctor was shocked. He didn't want to deprive the man of his life savings so he made him an offer. He agreed to do the surgery for a smaller fee on the condition that he tell his lady love that he paid $1200 for the surgery.
The operation was simple enough and one week later all the bandages came off and the man had a smaller lip he was proud of. All the surgery was done inside the lip so he had no visible scars except for a small scar inside the lip. The man was happy, he strode from the doctor’s office full of, self-confidence, A commanding figure. Tall, black and proud.
However a few weeks later he was back in the surgeon’s office. His body seemed to have shrunk, his hands lost their strength, his voice squeaked. The doctor asked him what happened to him.
He said “the African Bug, sir. It got me and it's killing me”
He told the doctor after he removed the bandages he went to see his lady love. She loved his lip and asked him how much he paid for the surgery. When he told her $1200, she became enraged and cursed him saying she could have used that $1200 and accused him of hiding the money from her. She cursed him and told him he would die.
Deeply troubled and hurt, the man laid in his bed for 4 days worrying about this curse that was going to kill him. Then running his tongue around, he discovered the horrible thing inside his mouth. He went to see a medical doctor who checked his mouth and confirmed that “the slimy African bug was stuck inside his mouth and it was indeed killing him.
The surgeon looked at this diminished and fearful man and asked him “Is it really in your mouth?”
“Yes sir,” the man said “the doctor tried to help get rid of it with liquids, pastes and potions – but nothing worked. The curse is too strong”. It’s burned inside my lip.
“Your lip?”
“Yes sir” the man said
“You didn't say lip before”
The doctor ran his finger at the back of the man's lip and told the disbelieving man that “the bug” was no more than scar tissue from his surgery.
The disbelieving man looked up in wonder and asked “then there is no African bug?”
The man stood up. Instantly he seemed to have regained his full height and strength. A rich smile spread over his face and his voice boomed out again. His, self-confidence, had returned.
The moral of this story is that you can’t get your, self-confidence, from other people. You have to take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and deal with them on your own terms.
Let's bring Arifah into this, self-confidence, conversation. Arifah is a, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health issues. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.
Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.
Arifah I am sure that a large population of your clients suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, Why do you think that is?
I think there are many reasons young people lack, self-confidence, I often work with young people who experienced unhappy childhoods or maybe their parents neglected them in some way or they weren't involved much in their lives.
Also I'd say lack of, self -confidence, sometimes comes from negative input from teachers or authority figures in their lives. Sometimes teachers have a way of saying things that discourage young people. Making them feel inadequate made and like they couldn't be successful. That kind of influenced how they feel about themselves and their, self-confidence, I'd also say young people who have experienced trauma or bullying from their peers can obviously influence their, self-confidence,
I believe that when young people don't value themselves and sometimes that comes from people not validating them, they often lack, self-confidence,
How to Build Your Self-Confidence through Courageous acts
As a, life coach, I believe that Courage is a byproduct of, self confidence,
It takes courage to walk up on stage and speak to an audience large or small.
It takes courage to call that guy you like and ask him out.
It takes courage to go into that interview even though you have no idea what you are going to say.
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So how do you make yourself, Face the Fear, but do it anyway?
Tell yourself that it is not going to kill you.
My grandmother used to say “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger”
And that's exactly what, Feeling the fear but doing it anyway does for you. It makes you stronger, it builds your, self-confidence, muscle because even if you bombed you got practice and practice also makes perfect!
Here are my steps to build your, self-confidence, muscle on public speaking or doing a presentation at work.
You can start by writing out your speech word for word and just read it
Then as you get more, self- confidence, and your brain recorded that you did not die, you weren't booed off the stage, nobody laughed at you.
So the next step is to write out the headlines and speak from the heart on your headlines
Sooner or later you will have, self- confidence, muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tony Robbins and command the attention of the audience.
Arifah What are your steps to building the, self-confidence, muscle?
I find that it wasn't only their, self-confidence muscle, that needed to be built up, it was their self-worth, it was a whole bunch of things there was all built into the one thing. If we were to put a label on it, it would be that we're not enough.
You would not believe how many people feel that they are not enough; even the most successful
people like, Michelle Obama, in her book “Becoming Michelle Obama” felt that she wasn't good enough. Why did she feel that way? Because she was black and from the south side of Chicago!
As, African American women, we have got a lot of things that we have to deal with, we just have to believe that we are all born with purpose and with the love of God.
I have seven steps that I use to help my clients gain, self-confidence:
Self-reflection – every time I meet with them, I allow them to self-reflect on their day self-reflect on things that were happening in their lives with gratitude.
Acknowledgement and self-acceptance – what makes them unique because everybody is unique.
Positive reinforcement – praising their effort and not obsessing over mistakes.
Mastering a skill – I had the girls work on a project. They created their own YouTube video. Everyone mastered a skill in the production of the video.
Communication skills – I do a lot of exercises around different forms of communication. Assertiveness, passive, passive aggressive etc.
Positive self-talk and affirmations – paying attention to their internal dialogue
Pay it forward – giving back helps build, self-confidence,
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Spiritual psychology, is a lens that we look through that teaches us everything that's happening in our life, is happening for us. That all of our challenges are beautifully designed opportunities, or I should say beautifully disguised opportunities giving us the steppingstones, we need to grow and evolve and transform. It is a, personal transformation, tool that helps us into our next level of protection to really fulfill our intelligence, which is the fullest realized expression of who we come here to be in this life.
Donna: Spiritual psychology, is really a technology that was innovated and pioneered by doctors Ron and Mary Holman at the University of Santa Monica. Spiritual psychology, is a lens that we look through that teaches us everything that's happening in our life is happening for us. That all of our challenges are beautifully designed opportunities, or I should say beautifully disguised opportunities. Giving us the steppingstones, we need to grow and evolve and transform into our next level of protection to really fulfill our intelligence, which is the fullest realized expression of who we come here to be in this life.
And that's what it is. It's a perspective, right? It is a way to see the world and when we start seeing the world as if everything that's happening is really this beautifully designed opportunity for us to grow and learn and change and evolve. And we start seeing the world from an empowered place, rather than seeing the world from a place of feeling victimized by life circumstances and life's happenstance of life's craziness.
Myrna: That is actually quite good. And I would get as you're talking, I'm imagining myself in a coaching session, and you're talking to someone, and they are saying Oh, my life has been very bad, and all these different things happened to me. And then you can turn that around and say, you know what, what did this teach you? What do you think that this revealed to you? What strengths did you bring out of that? That is a, spiritual psychology, session.
I am actually loving it. Now you guys are calling it a different name. But the Bible teaches that everything happens for your good. Actually, it's one of the scripture verses that I that I adhere to, and it's one of my foundation scriptures is that yes, everything happens for your good. So now that I've opened that door, so how do you use, spiritual psychology, as a, transformation tool, in your coaching sessions?
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Heart centered listening is one of the principles of spiritual psychology
Donna: Well, there are 33 principles and practices of, spiritual psychology. And so, I use each of these principles and practices to support the client in doing their life from a different place. And you know, two of our foundational skills the University of Santa Monica has entitled the skill, heart centered listening, and I call it, heart centered listening. The original name for seeing the loving essence I have renamed to big acknowledgement. A big acknowledgement is the recognition that you and I are, spiritual beings, on this epic human adventure. And when I recognize you also as a, spiritual being, having this public human adventure, then there's something about that that makes us the same.
And when we begin to recognize that for every single person on the planet, then we can really recognize that we really are all one and we're all in this together. We're all facing the same challenges and the same trials and the same opportunities. You know, we all are in club human together, having this human experience.
Heart centered listening, is really about it's about what you do all day in your in your job Myrna with these podcasts that you do and like deeply listening to another person giving them the space to share from a center heart opened place where they are free to explore their own consciousness. And download from the infinite universe kind of trickle into the conversation. And when we invite that, infinite intelligence, into the conversation, who knows what's going to happen? That is why we call it, spiritual psychology.
Myrna: I love it. Yes, yes. You're talking my language girl. Yeah, I you know, we are all love. I love Deepak Chopra. And you know, Deepak Chopra always says that we are all, spiritual beings, having a, human experience, manifesting through a, central nervous system. So, each one of us is manifesting, through our individual, human nervous system. But eventually we're all we're all connected.
One of the one of the things that he says, and I was even meditating on this morning, is that we're all like a wave in the ocean. We're all part of the ocean and each one of us is a wave. And so, what you are saying is beautiful. And you are correct when you recognize that we're all one, and we're all spirit and we're all connected, that changes your perception on your struggles. Is that what you are calling, spiritual psychology?
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Spiritual psychology is the gateway to acceptance of our humaneness
Donna: Well, yes, it's one way that you can go with it. And, you know, the longer I'm on this spiritual path, the more I realized it's really about loving my humaneness. And I think a big gateway to, transformation, and how I work with my clients is really inviting them into a deeper level of reverence for their, human experience, a deeper level of acceptance for the human. A deeper level of acceptance for ourselves, you know, for how we fall short of our own aspirations in life, and how we relate to ourselves, when we're going through something difficult.
That's really where we have an opportunity to have a different experience in our life. I love what you were sharing about Deepak Chopra. And one of the things that the way that I like to say it is we are all unique, individualized expressions of, the Divine. And no two of us are the same, right? Every single one of us is this gorgeous depiction of, the Divine. And how magnificent is that? And it's quite a miracle.
And it's quite miraculous, but we overlook it on a regular basis. And so, I helped people slow down and tune in so that they can begin to recognize their power, the real power, the power that comes from inside of us, not the power that we think that we get from our job or for money or from a status position or anything like that. Helping people to recognize that they have this inherent power within them. And that power is a source of our aliveness. That is that power is the source of our expression out in the world as a drop in, the Divine.
Myrna: Very true. It's actually very powerful. Very powerful, because, you know, one of the reasons that I concentrate so heavily on the, mind, is because that's where it starts. It's how you think is your thoughts is your thought process. And, yeah, once you recognize that, that you're limitless, that you're powerful, that you actually shape your destiny and that is all part of, spiritual psychology.
It doesn't just happen, you're shaping it by your thoughts and if you feel empowered, or if you feel a victim, you know, that's basically my story as well. Yeah, you got to realize, you have power and instead of being stuck, you have the power to change your life, if it's going in one direction, just like you did. You figure that yeah; I am just on a treadmill. And what did you do? You did something about it, right? You didn't stay there and wait until you're 65 and then say, you know, my life has been terrible.
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Reclaiming our authentic power
Now, one of the other things that we were talking about is how can we use consciousness to reclaim our, authentic power.
Donna: We have to become present, be in the, present moment, Myrna? We're all so caught up in the future with the two dues right? We got to go here. We got to do this. We got to do that. And our mind, you know, our attention and our energy go into the future. Or we're stuck in the past, right? We're obsessing about I should have said this, or I should have done that. And we're caught up in yesterday and what really is over that we can't even change. But when we can be here in this, present moment, right now, and place our energy and our intention on person, the situation whatever is right in front of us. Then we are tapping into our, consciousness, in the highest way that we can at the time.
Myrna: Right. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yes, because yes, consciousness, is definitely being present and nothing happens outside of the, present moment. A lot of people are always in the past or the future. But change only happens in the, present moment. So, that's pretty good. All right. Now one of the things that you do in your in your work, is you talk about the, power of the I AM. So, talk to us about how you help your clients to using, I AM, to pivot for to help with their, transformation.
Donna: Thank you so much for asking this question. I see this as one of the most powerful tools that we all have in our toolbox. And it's the two little, teeny tiny words, I AM, because when we say those words, we are making a declaration. We are making a proclamation to the universe. And so, I invite your listeners to just pay attention. What comes attached to these two little words in your life? Are you walking around saying, I am, tired? I am, exhausted. I am, sick. I AM, whatever. Because the back story that we're telling, then those are the results that we are creating.
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And so, I see this as literally like using a magic wand. We are instantaneously reaffirming what we do want to experience, what we do want to occur. So, we can put our attention, our focus on that immediately and begin to say things like,
I AM, doing the best that I can in the moment.
I am, moving towards radiant health and wellbeing.
I am, vitality.
I am perfect, just the way God made me.
I am, accepting all of myself, no matter what society says about you.
So, it's really a powerful way to change our current reality. And I talk extensively about this. I have a whole chapter called, I AM, or it's called the responsibility of, I am, in my book “Original Wisdom: Harnessing the Power of the Authentic You.”
My book really talks about my journey and how I left the corporate arena, and Myrna it wasn't a straight path. I gotta tell you, it wasn't hiding guidance. I didn’t wake up one morning and said, I'm going to be a coach. It didn't happen like that. And as a matter of fact, if you could have told me that I was going to be in these sacred, intimate, loving, connected one on one conversations with people I would have said oh, hell no, that's never gonna happen. Because the time that my journey began, the, mindset, that I had, was completely different than the, mindset, that I have now.
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Myrna: I know, we're in the, personal improvement, and, personal development, space, and we grow along with people that we teach. I am listening and learning something every single day so we're growing in that space. And for me, because I get to speak to excellent guests like yourself, I'm learning, It’s like a school for me. I'm learning from all my guests. And yeah, your, mindset, keeps shifting.
But I want to touch back on that, I am, statement because one of the things that I love saying is, I am the universe, and that's basically what you were talking about. Earlier, when you said that we are, spiritual beings, right. And we're part of the Infinite is the fact that, I'm the universe, right? The universe is inside of me. So now you coach, and you have your master's degree. So why did you write the book and what is it that you want the readers to walk away with, after they put it down?
Donna: The truth is, I was really creating a workshop. I was putting together teaching points. And as I was going through these teaching points, I thought to myself, oh, I have a story for that. You know, I really want to illustrate that in a more visual way, in a way that people can remember or walk away with. And so, as I started compiling all of my stories, I kind of took a step back and I was like, that's my story. It's like my whole story. And after a little bit of rearranging, I unfolded, really this path and I don't tell the story in a chronological way, because of the way in which, I AM, pulled each of the concepts.
Original Wisdom: Harness the power of the authentic you
I deliver a dovetail experience to it so that each of them builds on their previous one. And really, what I want people to walk away with is a sense of that, authentic empowerment, a sense that they are so much more, we are so much more than what we have been taught. And original wisdom is an inherent intelligence in all beings, that is rooted in unconditional love.
And when I think about, our spirit or soul, the energy of that is unconditional love. So, the intention of my book is to help people remember what their needs are. They are made of love. And we just have stuff that stands in the way of that. And that's really what I help my clients do is remove those blocks, so that they can remember the truth of who they are.
Myrna: I love it. Where can we get a copy of your book and tell us about your website and tell us you know, you're a coach and you do offer personal transformation coaching. So, tell us tell our listeners how they can get in touch with you.
Donna: All of the information can be found on www.Donnabond.com. And my book, of course, is on Amazon and all of the major book retailers out there “Original Wisdom: Harness the Power of the Authentic You.” And periodically I have a masterclass that I offer called empower the authentic you where I teach live, the concepts that I offer in original wisdom.
Natalie Holbrook, intuitive Astrologer shares how to use your birthday to understand your astrological signs. She pulled my, astrology, chart and my Sun was in the first house, and my moon was in Libra. The first house is all about, personal development, which means I am doing what I am supposed to do.
Also, my Venus is in Scorpio, which is all about, transformation. And what I do as a, Life coach, is all about transformation!
We can pull our, astrology, charts to confirm our career choices or understand why it is not working for us.
Myrna: You said that after pulling your, astrology, chart, you realized that you had found your, purpose. Why was that immediate?
Natalie: It was it was kind of like a spiritual rebirth to be honest because I just heard this podcast and I heard about the, loneliness, piece and, loneliness, and I had always had this experience of even if I would be surrounded by friends, I still felt, loneliness. I think I was even dating someone at the time and still felt, lonely. From the outside you'd be like, this person's not, lonely. And I didn't feel like I should but there was something within me that was like, why do I always have this?
And so, then when I learned that, loneliness, was part of my, birth chart, it was almost this validation of like, oh, this is actually just something I'm supposed to learn from my entire life. I don't have to actually attach to oh, I'm lonely or oh, I'm sad because of it. I experienced, loneliness. And then because I experienced it, I get to help other people who experienced it, you know, and we can talk about it. It's kind of like, if you have shame about something and you talk about it, it helps it to go away.
But then when I also learned from my, astrology, chart, a couple of other things that were so critical for me. One of them was learning my, moon sign, and we're going to talk all about your, moon sign. We're going to talk about, moon sign, because we have the, sun sign, which is our birthday. You're a, Taurus, I'm actually a, Taurus, too, so we definitely bonded on that.
Myrna: Yes, I think there was an immediate connection when we met on video.
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Your Astrology moon sign shows your emotions
Natalie: Your, moon sign, is what you feel on the inside. It's your emotions. It's how you think. It's the kind of stress level that your body runs on. And I learned that mine is a, Gemini moon, and, Gemini, is the spectrum of black and white Yin and Yang. You kind of want to dabble in everything. Sometimes people will call it a jack of all trades, master of none. I wanted to study everything and sometimes I was really extroverted and sometimes I was really introverted. And so that also really helped me to understand myself.
And the final piece that was so crucial for me as well was to learn that I'm something called a, Leo rising. So, the rising sign is what your soul is ascending into in this lifetime. That's what we're really rising and learning how to be more like, and it's also what people see of us when they first meet us. And so, when I learned that about, Leo, that kind of gave me this feeling of confirmation. Because my whole life, I wanted to work in entertainment, whether that was film or directing or documentaries, or maybe even doing podcasts like this, you know, something where I was in the public.
And so, once I learned that, it helped to reassure me. Hey, you are here to do something with fun and performance and entertaining and being seen. And that really helps me to step more into, purpose, rather than being afraid or shutting down those dreams.
Myrna: That's amazing. All right. So, let's get back to this day when you learnt about your full expression. So, you learned to pull your, birth chart, and then you saw that it made sense that your, moon, and, Leo rising. How did it come together?
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Astrology shows your purpose
Natalie: I think because I was already feeling all of that in my heart and my body and my soul, that it was almost like you said, this information, was validation. And the thing that's really cool about, astrology, is that you kind of know, one, purpose, might be being a wife, one, purpose, might be, having a business or being a mother or just making people laugh on a day-to-day basis. It can be all of these different things. And it's the combination of all of that makes you and really is the essence of you.
Myrna: That's good. That's true. Our soul has many purposes. As a, Life coach, I teach, purpose, as well. I tell people that they're not really fulfilled unless they're living their, purpose, and it's very true. But people always think that their, purpose, is a big thing. You know that they have to change the world in some way. And I've learned that your, purpose, can be just like you said, to be a wife or to be a mother or to be a support for somebody. It doesn't always have to be like an Elon Musk.
Natalie: Yeah, well, I think that there's so many roles that we take that sometimes we even forget that we're taking that role, you know, it's like being a good best friend who picks up the phone and listens, that is something that we even see in the, birth chart. You're going to be someone who's really empathetic or if you're someone who's a little narcissistic.
We can kind of see these little hints in here. Your, soul, really wanted to shine in in this lifetime, and one of the really fun ways. Everyone who's listening can actually know their, soul’s purpose. So, for you being a, Taurus, when you pull your, astrology, chart, and you can go to my website, Natalieholbrookwellness.com to pull your chart for free.
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The Sun in the first house: Astrology
And you'll see that your Sun is in what's called a house and the house there are these little triangles in the chart and the chart is a circle and it's broken up into 12 Pizza slices, let's say little triangles. And whatever house that Sun is in, they're showing where you directly shine. And so, for you, Myrna yours shines in the first house, and the first house is the house of you're going to just be like, of course, personal development.
It's about you learning what is your path, and then it's also about the physical body. So, if you've been on a journey of health or with fitness or you know how it is that you even perceive yourself. That's a really big once you were really having to say I transformed from who I once was, to who I am now, and probably becoming many different iterations of that in between.
Myrna: That's amazing. I was born in Guyana. Guyana is a third world country and very poor and I was born in poverty, then abused of the child. So yes, my story is that I transformed myself from that into what I do today, and I've always been into, personal development. You know, my thing when I was growing up was, CANI which is constant and never-ending improvement. So, which is why when I saw the word life coach, I immediately felt it was my calling. And I've also been in fitness, I used to run track as well as the long jump in high school.
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Natalie: So, then we can see the whole, astrology, chart and we see your moon. And now this is going to be funny to you too and make so much sense because your moon is in, Libra, and Libra is the sign all about partnerships, and partnerships. And it can be kind of two ways where it's like partnership of you and your romantic partner, you and a close friend, you and a group of people, or even doing a podcast is one of the most, Libra, because it's the two of us having an intimate conversation where other people are listening. So that's all about Libra. Now, Libra, also is very good at business and very good at negotiations and sales.
Because, Libras, also very charismatic, it knows how to read people. It's almost like it knows how quote unquote should be. And so, it can step into that character, and it's an Air sign so, Taurus, is an earth sign so it makes you very grounded and people see you as grounded. So that's your, moon sign.
Myrna: That's really my, purpose, is to be a good interviewer. I thought I got my listening skills from my coaching training, because as a coach, they teach you to learn to listen and dial in and pick up things that the person is not saying. But you can see from their body language and the reactions. So, I know that I'm a great Interviewer because I actually dial in to who I'm interviewing, and everybody says, you ask some really good questions. That's because I'm dialed in. But what you're saying I was born this way.
That's amazing, everybody likes to hear that they're on purpose and they're doing is what they're supposed to do.
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Alright, let's go back to, astrology, for a minute. You said that you were embodying your, Gemini moon, being very curious, having lots of passions, and having to try out a few different careers before finding the one. So how can listeners use, astrology, to guide their careers? Let's touch a minute and talk about the, Libra, reading, because again, that's right on point. And when I was growing up, all my friends were, Libras.
What is my, Libra? How does that help me with my, career, since my moon is in Libra.
Natalie: So, it's really important to always know what we call your big three. So, your Sun is your character, your moon is your emotion. So, think of that. It's like what you feel it's almost like your insides your core is a, Libra.
Me as a, Tauras, I get along really well because we're ruled by, Venus. We love art and beauty, and we notice the little things.
Myrna: So, for someone that's listening, and they pull their, birth chart, and their Sun is in Aquarius and their, moon, is in Pisces or something like that. Would that tell them about what they're supposed to do with their lives? What their soul is aspiring to do or what they're supposed to do it as far as careers?
Natalie: Yeah, so there's a couple of other planets that I want to pull in about, career, because, moon, is really what you need to take down so we can stay with you for your lives and really, you need to feel connection with people you know, in your job. If you were just working analyzing data all in a room by yourself, you would die, you would feel so isolated. I have all these gifts; I need to talk to people I need to connect with people. You know, for me, for example, as a, Gemini Moon, I need to have a lot of variety.
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So, for me every single day is different, every client session I do every, birth chart, reading it's all different. So, I'm able to really thrive on that because, Gemini, is all about variety. And so, with that we could go through all the signs and say kind of whatever person would need, but also a thing that's really good to look at on the chart is to see where there's is well two things that are really good one is to say, where's your, Venus's sign, because, Venus, is how you're going to make money. So, we can be on our, purpose, but we also want to say, how can I get paid for this?
And for me, my, Venus, is actually also in, Gemini, so the more that I talk to people connect to people do a variety of things. That's also how I get to thrive. So, you want to look at your Venus sign as well. And then the other piece of this that's really important is to look at the planet, Jupiter. Jupiter, is where we have our expansion. So, like I was saying or like read, but mine isn't that, Pisces, science.
Yours is in, Scorpio. And where we have Jupiter, a lot of people are a lot of astrologers will say that, Jupiter, is like the Santa Claus of the Zodiac because it brings us gifts like that's what our gifts are in. And so, for you being in Scorpio, it is all about, transformation. And what do you do as a, Life coach, is all about transformation.
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Myrna; Thank goodness, transformation. You know that word just popped into my psyche one day, and my original show was supposed to be called, mindset transformation. But when I when I uploaded it to iTunes, but it was too long, and then I changed it to, transform your mind. But, transformation, is the main topic of the show. Astrology is amazing.
Natalie: Yeah, it's all about, transformation. And then on top of that, it's in the seventh house, which is to have the relationships so you're transforming people through your relationship with them.
And, Scorpio, is also very powerful. Scorpio, I like to call it the alchemist in the mystic because it's almost like you're able to turn anything that one might have looked at garbage or a very difficult kind of breaking point a lot of, Scorpio, energy it has to hit rock bottom. And you know, you talked about how you went from poverty in Guyana to abundance in America.
Myrna: What is Psych-K and how do you help others heal through it?
Natalie: It's almost like the chart, it’s like a treasure map. So, with psych K, this incredible modality that basically uses muscle testing in order for us to test out what is something that you believe so for example, we could see in your, birth chart, you are a, Libra moon. That may be one of the shadows or there could have been some level of codependency in your life or that maybe people were codependent upon you or something that's maybe in the shadow side of relationships. Does that resonate at all?
Myrna: Well, I was never codependent, but people probably were codependent on me. It was always an independent a woman.
Natalie: And so, we could say something, or we could even use like transformation. Like there's, there's all these things that we can see in your, birth chart, that will show us something, some type of belief that potentially may not be a healthy belief. And then we use an affirmation or a goal statement. So, let's say a lot of people’s belief is I am not enough, or I am not worthy, or I am not worthy of love. I am not worthy of money. And so, then we would talk a little bit about that, we could see in your, birth chart, why you feel this way?
And then what we do is, we actually will muscle test and we can do this virtually where my subconscious will ask you you're whoever my client is, and I'm working with their subconscious for permission to muscle tests on their behalf. And I know it sounds very woowoo, but it actually is very scientific. Hey, it's just our subconscious saying, Can I do this for you?
And so typically, then we'll muscle test and we'll get a positive or a negative or a strong or a weak and then the person will move through living outside experience and saying, you know, I am worthy, or I am enough. And then the G is a school that was held live last year and now people can buy the tape for replay, and you can learn how to read your own, birth chart.
Conclusion
And we go in depth into all of the planets, all of the signs, all of the houses, everything that we talked about, so that you can really start to piece together everything and with the school if you were to purchase it online, there's also an option to get, additional sessions and help from me so that you can we can really go deep into your, birth chart.
My podcast is, the cosmic Earth podcast. We do the same thing where I will talk about once a week about what's going on into cosmos and then have amazing guests on like yourself to talk about what else is happening there and how to read their, astrology, chart.
Check out your Birth Chart and anything you want to know about, astrology, on Natalie website: natalieholbrookwellness.com
Matheo Galatis teaches how we can connect to our, inner guidance system, to know ourselves and to find, who are you, your beliefs systems inherited from your, genetic patterns. Once you know, who are you, then you will be able to use the, law of Attraction, to get the things you want in life.
Matheo Galatis founder of the, Know Yourself teachings, aimed at supporting you to cut through the confusion in the, personal development industry, and learn about the hidden dynamics that affect your life. He has trained over 200 professional coaches, was a director of a coaching company in South Africa, worked in organizations such as Oracle stratus, South Africa, Mars, Africa and clients from 27 different countries, ranging from successful CEOs, political and public personalities, executives, coaches, trainers, therapists, and entrepreneurs.
But they are mistaking the, personal development industry, to a whole new level by supporting people to find what he calls your, transformational why. The one thing that usually prevents people from getting, unstuck, and achieving their desires.
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We develop our belief systems from genetic patterns
Myrna: That's an awesome Bio. It seems that you are in the work of service helping people to get to know them selves again. What was your journey to becoming a teacher of, personal development? How do we pick up these, genetic patterns?
Matheo: Essentially this is what happens. To know, who are you, and, know yourself, I explain in quite a bit of detail the different ways we take on stuff from our parents and the generations before. It can happen through observation. When we're growing up, we have certain experiences and we observe our parents, we start mimicking what our parents do.
So, that's one way, but it runs even deeper. Our parents, sometimes they have something unexpressed in themselves, a dream or maybe an emotion that's suppressed. And they've suppressed that, they push it down. Now what happens is when they conceive a child, the DNA of the supreme shun or the suppression is obviously encoded into the gene, because everything is according to the gene.
The gene knows there's a, suppression, and that gene goes into the child and the child now has a, suppression. Now the job of the, suppression, sharing is not to be there. The purpose is when something's suppressed, it's suppressed momentarily or temporarily moved and at some point in life it needs to be expressed in words.
For example, if someone has a, suppression, at a very young age and they don't process it, its hard for them to know, who you are. They don't work through the short stays inside the system, it's frozen inside the, muscle memory, in the, subconscious mind, of the brain. And what happens is they continue living with us. Now if they don't deal with it in their lifetime, that's obviously restoring the genes and is going to get passed on to the next generation.
Children don't do well at home, they don't become aware of it that's gonna get passed on, so we have something in our evolution that is already in inside of us to help us with, traumatic patterns. Some emotions are blocked, so when children are born later on life at some point they are triggered and that's what pushes the buttons of the parents.
When children start behaving in ways the parents don't like, I call the parent control we think wow my child is out of character. The child is not actually out of character, the child is just mirroring or expressing things that the parent doesn't want to see inside themselves and haven't processed within themselves.
Children will start acting out bringing forth, subconscious patterns, from their parents. A, guidance system, is your, spiritual journey, where you've got like a router or an angel or your higher self, and they're communicating with you. I like to call this the, inner guidance system, is the connection to your, true self, and finding out, who are you.
Your, guidance system, helps you connect to your, true self, when you're not connected to your, true self. When you're connected to yourself, you're able to distinguish in an instant, what is true and right for you versus what is not. In an instant, there is no debate in the mind. There's just a sense of yes or a sense of no. And it's not happening from a fear. It's not happening from a desire, it's happening from this, inner knowing.
These, beliefs, are part of our, belief system, there are, family patterns. So, an example with a, belief system. If you have a, belief system, I'm not worthy, how do you behave? If you're very insecure how do you behave? The other way is to trying to cover up the perceived unworthiness and show that you're worthy. The, belief system, I'm not worthy is a persona which is not you, it's just a, belief system.
This belief of unworthiness can develop into a, people pleaser. I'm a, people pleaser. The, people pleaser, that person owner's a person has developed in order not to feel the unworthiness.
Myrna: I get what you're saying a lot of times they say the extroverts are covering up some some deep down feeling as well that's why they need to be the life of the party.
Okay so alright so what we're talking about though is our, inner guidance system, and, knowing yourself. What you're saying is you let people understand that the personality that they're projecting to the world is not real. And you help them to connect to their, inner guidance system, to know themselves.
Letting your inner guidance system uncover who you are
Matheo: Right. So that's what I mean by, inner guidance system, is that you have a an innate intelligence telling you what's true and right for you right now. It tells you, who you are.
Myrna: So talk about whats behind, beliefs. I know we talked about that a little bit, but maybe we can expand on it a little bit by because you said, belief systems, are difficult to resolve. So so let's go with our example that we're talking about this person that, you know, doesn't feel that there were any.
So when you go into the training and coaching, you help them understand to peel away those layers and understand, who you are. They're maybe not feeling worthy because of something they inherited or maybe something somebody said to them 40 years ago, or whatever, you need to peel that back. But why do you think it's difficult for someone to resolve that specific, belief system?
Matheo: It is challenging working with a, belief system. A, belief system, was created a long time ago so around up to the age from conception up to the age of seven, eight years old our, belief systems, about ourselves and about life and about other people are formed.
How we perceive the world is being created, so this is at an age where the brain is just absorbing everything that is happening in the world and making associations. But a lot of people might rarely even get to that, belief system, because they're dealing with other, belief systems.
I developed a belief of I'm shy or a persona I'm shy. And because this happened at two years old, I grew up as a shy person, knowing that oh, I'm just shy, I'm just a quiet person, so I'll become an accountant and an auditor. Yeah, because I'm shy. So, who are you? Are you shy or an extrovert?
Train yourself to connect to your emotions, train your souls to connect to your body, so that you know how you feel at any time, whether it's good or bad emotions doesn't matter, connect to them. Allow yourself to have these emotions, because that's how you're going to go down into the, beliefs, and into the other aspects that are hidden inside of you.
And that's what we want to identify and remove what's hidden. Because when you remove what's hidden, then you start to become more and more free.
Myrna: And that's how you, know yourself, and find out, who you are. This is what we're talking about here. I had a short stint with a therapist. I talked to her for about a month or so, and one of the things I got from those sessions was not to stuff down my feelings but to catch them and breathe into them.
This has been an incredible conversation to highlight your skills highlight what you do for people. And I will tell you there's so many people that are walking around don't know, who they are. I don't want to use I use the word broken, but people become broken from past traumas. So what you what you're doing is phenomenal. Tell us how somebody can sign up or how you offer this training.
Matheo: The teachers that came before me and many researchers and scientists know that the subconscious runs our life. We're able to to retrain and recondition the subconscious, but doing it the correct way is important. We have to uncover what's causing In the subconscious mind to dictate our lives. So I put together the, Know Yourself teachings, and this essentially explains step by step how finding out, who you are, works, how thoughts become, beliefs, how emotions work.
Using your inner guidance system to find out who you are
Emotions, are like a garden system, we go in and out gamify. Not listening to your, inner guidance system, does not bring you back on track.
Myrna: So explain how our, internal guidance system, works when we're not listening to our own, inner guidance.
Matheo: I go through the five different ways that we take on stuff from our parents, help clients realize that there was are many patterns running their life. Many of them was the specifically looking at the, family patterns.
How to let your, desires flow, out of you. We can become like the, Alchemist, and transform our desires and let our, desires flow, out of us when we realize that we are abundant.
Whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job whether it's travel, whatever is your most intimate, desire, we've been teaching you, me and my co-host miss Margo Blake has been teaching you how to achieve the, Alchemy of Desire, which is the magical transformation of thoughts into manifestation.
Today I want to conclude with now that you've got it how
to flow with it so we're calling this episode “How to let your, desires flow”
How to let your desires flow
Knowing what you want, and once you know what you want in order to activate it you need to put some emotion to it and that is how you activate the, Law of Attraction.
Using the, energy of desire, to create something magical.
Put your attention on your, desires, so that you can light your, desires, on fire!
How to keep what you now have
What you have in your hands need some work, you just don't get it and then you don't have to do anything else.
Relationships, require work, and most people have a false sense of entitlement.
They feel that it is enough that they are just there in the relationship and
all they have to do is show up or come home every night and they feel that
they're doing something. People think that you should love them as they are
and they don't need any work or they don't need to make any changes.
I remember one of my ex-husband's actually saying this to me.
A few months after we were married I asked him to take more care with his
Appearance and hygiene because he was walking around looking like he was homeless and this was his response and I quote
“This is what you bought and you can't send it back”
A lot of people feel that hey you picked me, you bought me, you got into a relationship with me, so you must be okay with how I am, and you know you gotta put up or shut up. But that does not lead to a healthy relationship.
Your desires need work to manifest
Some ask why do I have to do all this work? I have heard people say it's either a fit or it's or it's not. Why try to force a square peg in a round hole? Good question. It's true, that there are some square pegs that definitely do not need to be forced into a round hole because it's never gonna fit right; but we're not talking about the obvious misfits. We're talking about couples have some synergy. They have love but they just got to do a little bit of work.
We all know the spouse or a partner that just comes home and turn on the TV and pay his partner no attention. Those are the ones were talking about. Relationships, needs work to keep them fresh and healthy.
When, relationships, are not fresh and healthy, couples then become roommates and it's never more evident as when you go to your partner and you say “Hey this is not working out, I think we should we should go our separate ways and they say sure why not. They agree!
My gosh that is like a slap in your face or like someone throwing a cold bucket of water on you! That is not the response you want but; that's what happens when the relationship Ebbs and Ebbs and nobody pays any attention and you're now just roommates. What has happened is that your partner has emotionally checked out a long time ago and they're just there for I don't know, finances, the children or whatever the reason. You have to let your, desires flow.
When you break up with someone you want them
to miss you. You want them to chase you. You don't want them to say.
“Sure, why not!”. That's not the response that we should get when
we're trying to terminate a relationship right?
When desire stop flowing
I remember reading Gabrielle Union's book We're Going To Need More Wine” and she told the story a very sad story about the night she had a fight with her first husband. She describes this relationship as feeling like you are driving towards a brick wall yet being incapable of mashing on the breaks! Her marriage was going down the tank for a long time but she didn't want to give up on it.
So, she told the story about a night she had a fight with her husband one of their many fights and she ran out the house in the middle of the night, four o'clock in the morning or some ridiculous time like that. She expected her husband to chase her because you know your husband should be worried about you, he's supposed to be to protect you!
Gabriel ended up sitting by a tree and falling asleep. When she woke up in the morning she was sure that her husband was worried about her and called the cops. She expected to find cops all over her house when she got home. Instead she found her husband fast asleep.
That's when she realized there was no hope for her marriage. Her husband's, desire, for her had stopped flowing.
What can you do to keep desires flowing
So ladies and gentlemen, Ask yourself what do you bring to the table?
You now have the object of your affection, you won. He or she is now yours what are you going to do to keep him or her?
Ladies maybe you were a seductress and got the man interested, now what? What else you got?
One quality will bring someone to the table and even make them fall in love with you but it will not keep them. It will not hold them.
Lots of people love others, but can't live with them.
Lot of couples divorce yet are still in love, that is because you need a pairing of attractive qualities.
A one hat trick is not going to be enough in the long run.
Ladies, You know that there is a long line of seductress waiting around the corner to entice your man.
Men if all you got, is that you are the provider, well all your woman has to do is look to the left or right and find another man with a job and he can replace you.
What is your unique paring? What make your, desires flow?
This information was the reason I went through 4 husbands.
They all had one thing but not the unique pairing I required to hold me.
I will tell you it took me almost 30 years to find it in my current relationship.
My unique paring was ambition and genuine caring. Caring for me and my daughter.
When you get this unique paring you get not only an attraction but you get an addiction.
The “and” is what makes you difficult to replace.
What I would like to do now is play for you an except from one of the relationship experts I interviewed on this show to add some context to our conversation. Ms Inez Bracy is a coach and author of Rejuvenate your life: 21 days to feel like a woman again.
1. Meditation
Your journey begins whenever you say it is. Meditation allows you to connect to your inner self and let your, desires flow, out of you.
Now is this moment if you decide this second yeah this makes perfect sense to me. I am going to do something to start changing my life.
If you decide that that's perfect and you go into silence and into meditation, being still, whatever it is you desire to change will reveal itself to you. It will come in a way where you are given steps to take.
Now I can tell you this when that comes, it is going to come very quietly, it's not going to be loud and boisterous, it's going to tell you perhaps you should do this or that.
2. Celebration
The next thing that I enjoy is celebrations. Celebrate something every single day and that's what my blissful living challenge is all about. So many times we can get caught up in everything that's going on around us. Almost like a vortex we get just sucked into it; but if you've ever been around a baby, small babies or under two years old. Up to that age the baby's just gurgles and giggles and they are just so happy.
I imagine it now.
Being blissful allows your desires to flow. They have no reason not to be. We lose that along the way from boundaries and everything else that comes along. When we lose that we get to recapture and reclaim it because it is our birthright. Babies come in the world with it. We could to reclaim our birthright and no matter what is going on in our environment, we can still choose bliss.
3. Vibration Frequency
The more you start to celebrate, the more you lift your vibrations and The more you sing, the more you dance, the less often you will have to shovel; because your vibrational energy is at a point now where it's attracting to you those things that are good. This level of vibration is higher so you're going to be attracting love, you're going to be attracting Joy, you're going to be attracting bliss.
Yes, I talk about gratitude like that but; I guess it's the same word be grateful for what you have regardless of what's lacking. Don't concentrate on what you don't have. Concentrate on what you want. So that you can raise your vibrational frequency and attract good things.
So, yes celebrating having gratitude very important.
4. Vision
Another thing is to visualize. To live in a space of visualization to write out what it is you want. When I'm working with my clients, I say to them I desire you get to write out your vision for your life. Where do you want to live?
How does it look? How does it show up?
Sit down and see yourself in the theater of your mind. On your own stage and you're the actor and the producer!
Write out your vision for your life.
5. Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda
We can spend our entire lives lamenting Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda and that's all in the past. All in the past, it's already happened or didn't happen. Those words have no value to this present moment. They have no value to your future either.
So you should begin to eliminate woulda coulda shoulda from your vocabulary
How can the, Law of Attraction for couples, help you to thrive at home and at work? NYT best selling author Christy Whitman talks about thriving in your relationships this week on the “Transform your Mind with Coach Myrna” podcast.
Christy is the author of “Quantum Success 7 essential laws, for a thriving joyful and prosperous relationship with your work and money”
Before we get started, I want to give a shout out to our sponsor for today's episode. Our sponsor today is T.Y Waterproofing serving the Atlanta area. T.Y Waterproofing has over 30 years’ experience in waterproofing and basement repairs. Let T.Y Waterproofing, waterproof your crawl spaces, slabs, remove and kill mold, install all sump pumps, and French drains. Call Timothy at 404-449-5467 for a free estimate.
Christie Whitman is a Transformational Leader, Celebrity coach, New York Times bestselling author twice, one for “The Art of Having it All” and the second for “Taming your Alpha Bitch” I love that title! Christy has appeared on The Today Show, the Morning Show, and her works have been featured in People's magazine, Seventeen, Women's Day, Hollywood Life, and Teen Vogue among others.
Christie is the CEO and founder of the Quantum Success Learning Academy and Quantum Success Coaching Academy a 12-month, Law of Attraction, coaching certificate program. Christie has helped thousands of people through her empowerment seminars, speeches and coaching sessions, and products.
Christi's life-changing message reached over 200,000 people a month, and her work has been promoted by and featured with esteem authors and luminaries such as Marianne Williamson, Dr. Dwayne Dwyer, Marci Shimoff,Brian Tracy, Neil Donald Walsh, Abram Hicks, and Louise Hay. She currently lives in Arizona with her husband Frederic and there are two boys Alexander and Maxim.
Christy's Journey as a Law of Attraction for Couples Coach
Myrna – That’s was a very impressive Bio. I loved reading it. As a, life coaching podcast, I am always interested in my listeners learning life skills from my guests stories. You've done a lot, you're quite accomplished. Can you give us a little bit of your backstory? Tell us your journey to becoming a successful, Law of Attraction for couples, leader and, quantum success, coach .
Christy – Sure, I always had the drive to be successful, and worked with the, law of attraction, back in day about 20 years ago, before I found the other universal laws, I did what it took to take action. I had perseverance. I went after the things that I wanted. I was able to focus, using the, law of attraction for couples, but whenever I got there, I never felt satisfied.
Using the Law of Attraction for Couples to Bring you Happiness
I never felt happy, never felt like it was enough. So no matter what I accomplished, it just didn't good. When I actually accomplished something great, it actually would feel the opposite. I remember almost feeling let down, like okay well I was supposed to have this epiphany. I was supposed to have this, amazing feeling. I would never find that feeling of satisfaction.
When I learned more about, the law of attraction for couples, about 21 years ago, I really learned about how your thoughts create your reality. I had already been successful and I had a great career going. I was making money and yet, just wasn't satisfied. I just felt like all the things that I was told would make me happy it wasn't working and I was starting to think like what's wrong with me.
I thought if I had money, if I had the career, if I had a boyfriend, if I had this great body, look a certain way, then I would be happy, and none of the outer things were doing it for me. It was when I found a sense of myself, through meditation on the, law of attraction for couples, and through really returning to myself, stopped focusing outward on everything and everyone outside of me, a healthy selfish me.
I found I was coming back to myself. I started paying attention to the thoughts that I was thinking, that was activating, the law of attraction for couples, and how I was feeling and what I really came to understand, what my body of work really has been now, is that I have to be very mindful of that no matter what situation we're in, we can always find peace.
How to Have it All using the, Law of Attraction
How the Law of Polarity interacts with the Law of Attraction
The law of Polarity, there's a lot of things to appreciate and be grateful for. That's what my bodywork has been. My whole training for last 21 years has been really sensing within myself where I am. Thinking thoughts of lack and limitation, where I comparing myself to other people. I look at other people and go oh my GOD, there's so much more successful than me and then start feeling bad about myself and feeling like what I've accomplished is not enough.
Or do I compare myself to what other people are making? Or what impacts are my thought having? Those are times to check myself, look for what's right and good about my life and about my family and everything in my life versus what's wrong and bad.
These are a different training and a different mindset to come from a perspective of abundance instead of lack and limitation, and that's really where my internal work has been. Each time I shift up belief, a thought, a perspective from lack and limitation to one of abundance, my life just expands and explodes.
So those are the principles that I write about in my new book, Quantum Success, is that we're all searching for some type of success, and the accolades. You know what society says is this is accomplished, then you'll feel successful and a lot of people get there, and they feel empty, they feel like that it doesn't have much meaning in their lives or they're not feeling satisfied or fulfilled.
The truth is that as long as we're chasing things outside of ourselves we're always projecting our happiness or our fulfillment outside of ourselves. Fulfillment is never outside of ourselves, it's within ourselves and it's in the present moment. where all of our power exists.
How does The Law of Attraction for Couples Help in Relationships
Myrna – My first question is How does understanding your belief system help women and men who are functioning at high levels in their career or own their own business, but they're still struggling to find contentment or happiness? How does understanding the, law of attraction for couples, help? How does understanding, quantum success, principles help in relationships?
Christy – Our beliefs are one of the ways that we create. I mean when you think about it, when we have a belief and there is such a conviction that this is so, that this is the way it is, we will create that's what we are expecting to receive. It's what we are expecting life to give us. We can't create outside of our beliefs. If we believe that something good is going to happen, we then create something good.
There's an underlying belief that what we are creating we the deserve. We're not deserving or whatever it is; but we are always creating attracting things from the beliefs that we hold and here's the good news. If we look at our lives and we're not satisfied, we need to shift what we're not satisfied about. Look at what the contrast is in our life, what we don't want and allow that to be the springboard for what we do want.
I always ask myself when I'm finding a situation or circumstance happening in my life, I always ask myself what would I have to believe in order to create this? How does understanding the, law of attraction, facilitate my knowledge?
How Journaling helps Relationships
It's an empowering question. I recommend even journaling about it because a lot of times if you sit there and if you haven't done this practice before, you will not come up with an answer. I would take 10 mins with paper and I would journal. In order to create this situation what would I have to believe? What would I have to think? What would I have to be feeling in order to attract this?
You become more self-aware. I mean it's really the process of self-awareness and when we can slow down enough to pay attention to ourselves, that is the richest thing that we can do. Not only are we connecting with ourselves, which most of us don't do these days we're so busy with so much going on our lives, we need to take the time to slow down and connect with our own self, to know ourselves, to know what you believe about this and that. Beliefs are not either right or wrong. This is a, life coaching podcast, so I will answer with life coaching tips.
I love when you said that most people are not conscious. As a Guyanese, I want this to also be a, Guyana podcast, Most people including Guyanese people, do not understand the, law of attraction, You use the word self-awareness which is another term for consciousness. I've spent a lot of time with that word in meditation and being aware. I live in higher consciousness, personal development, yet at my level right now, I will not be able to look at a situation and figure out how I created it.
I'm not there yet, but I'm in the less than 1% of the world that actually are working on self-awareness, consciousness and, personal development, As a, life coaching podcast, I teach my clients basically that whatever they want, they can create. It starts with their thoughts and starts with their belief system. You and I are both, personal development, coaches and one of the first things I do in my coaching sessions, the first couple of weeks is basically we talk about beliefs and we look back at past behaviors. You can actually figure out what you believe from how you have navigated situations in your past.
The Law of Attraction for Couples and the Universal Laws
What exactly is the, Law of Attraction, and why is it important to know the universal laws and, quantum success? The, Law of Attraction for couples, for me when I learned about it completely changed my life and the reason that they completely changed my life or that my life completely changed is because they're for me like knowing the rules of the game or knowing the recipe to a really good cake or you know the plans to build a house.
I always say how successful would you be if you were going to go play baseball and you never saw the game before? You never knew how it was played? You don't know what the rules are. Someone hands you a bat and says okay hit the ball. You can’t play the game if you don’t understand the rules of the game. What to do when you hit the ball? How can you get thrown out etc.
Life is similar, you have to learn the rules of the game, you have to learn the playbook. The first step is about learning these, essential universal laws and the, law of attraction, and applying them so that you become the deliberate creator of your life instead of being a victim of circumstances. There's always going to be some kind of circumstance or situation or event or person that shapes our experiences.
It's what we do with those experiences the perspectives that we hold, that will determine what we continue to attract in our lives. So the more you learn about these, essential laws of the universe and, the law of attraction. Knowing these universal laws is knowing the rules of the game.
The Seven Universal Laws
I try to make myself a million dollars by working with the, law of attraction, and the seven essential universal laws. We live in a vibratory universe, our universe is all about vibration. Modern science and quantum physics have now proven that everything from a human being to a rock is full of energy. Everything is energy, our thoughts our feelings, what we say, what we do, everything is coming out of us like an energy tower and we as an individual person are sending out energy signals all day every day.
The, Law of Attraction, is just matching those signals that we send out, and giving us more of the same. Now it's not a tit-for-tat kind of thing, it's not like oh I told someone they were a jerk and now someone's going to call me on a jerk. It's not like that literal, but if you're sending out negative vibes you could be in traffic and someone could cut you off and you're experiencing road rage, that negativity for example that wave of negativity will then cast out a returning wave of negativity to you.
So we have to be mindful about the energy that we are sending out. The thoughts that we think, the language we use. We don't feel good when we're sending bad vibes out, so using feelings helps makes for better choices.
For example, language like I choose not to put up with this marriage anymore. I choose not to be treated like that anymore. I choose not to waste my money or spend my money on this right now. Those are more empowering ways and languages that we can use that actually do make a difference in what we attract. The, Law of Attraction for couples, is really a mirror reflection. I like to think of it as a boomerang, it's like what you're sending out it's coming back to you.
The most important law from the seven essential laws of the universe, I believe is the, Law of Sufficiency and Abundance. This law states that everything in the universe is abundant. Most of us are experiencing abundance of lack or pain or suffering, but the universe is always going to give us an abundance.
If you look at nature and look at trees you can't say we can't possibly count the amount of leaves that are on a tree or how many waves crash up again against the shore in the ocean, or count the raindrops that are coming down from the sky. The universe has always functioned in abundance, and to get what you want from the law is called sufficiency and abundance, it's being in a satisfied place.
It's coming from sufficiency. You get there by appreciating and looking for the good. In your life right now, in any situation, I don't care what it is you can find the good things about it. The law of Polarity says that every subject is really two subjects, it's the halving of it, or the not having of it. It's the lack of it or the abundance of it, and when we can deliberately choose how we want to focus, what we want to believe, what we want to appreciate, or not.
How Gratitude engages the Law of Attraction for Couples
Were the ones in charge of which area, what side of the spectrum, we want to be on any given subject, but the doorway into abundance is sufficiency. You start by practicing gratitude. I first started doing gratitude meditation, I would literally walk around and think of a hundred things a day, listing all of the things that I was grateful for and that would raise my vibration, it would make me feel so good and things started, almost like magic, would start being attracted into my life.
Another thing you can do is think about one thing you're grateful for and think of 20 things or reasons why and it's not lip service, it's not like I'm grateful for my husband and I'm grateful my kids, there's no energy behind that, there's no pain, you have to feel the emotion. Doesn't work unless you feel. That's why affirmations work for some people, and they don't work for other people because people are like I'm abundant, but there's no energy.
The other Universal Laws
These are seven essential laws of The Universe:
• The Law of Attraction,
• The Law of Allowing,
• The Law of Pure Potentiality ,
• The law of Oneness,
• The Law of Balance and Harmony,
• The Law of Sufficiency and Abundance,
•
These universal laws, when you apply them and learn how to work with them, they will absolutely change your life.
The Universe sends human beings countless signs and symbols over the course of their lives, and if you are able to comprehend them, you’ll be able to sense when you’re on your destined path in life—and when you’re not. Please read the list below to make sure you haven’t missed any vital info, and to ensure that you’re on the right journey.
Here are 13 signs The, Law of Attraction, is working for you https://ewao.com/2017/10/24/13-signs-the-law-of-attraction-is-working-for-you/
I love the Law of Sufficiency and Abundance. Deepak Chopra used to say we are just like a wave in the ocean, that the universe is abundant. We're not going to run out of water, we’re not going to run out of grass, sunlight. I've used this Law, let's say that you want a promotion and your friend gets it.
You're jealous and you're envious, that is a blockage because it means that you believe that is universe does not have enough for the both of you. if you say I'm happy for my friend, because this world is abundant and she's not taking my job, there's more available for me, and you're happy and you celebrate that person's success, what that’s saying is that you believe that the world is abundant.
You believe that whatever God can do for her, he is going to do for you, and that's where a lot of people don't get it. They're always envious and they're always catty and they're jealous and they can't celebrate your success. Abraham talks about this. She talks about contrast, she says go out there and look for contrast, look for things that you don't have and say that's what I want and be happy for that person. But most people don't live there. The do not understand the, the essential laws of attraction.
We’ve been talking about the, law of attraction, the playbook, personal development, quantum success, and making this a Guyana podcast, for my people.
Be aware of fear and desire. Awareness helps balance them ~ Deepak Chopra
To get a FREE copy of Christy’s book, Head over to iTunes snd leave a review for the Transform Your Mind with coach Myrna podcast, then head over to www.quantumsuccessbook.com and Kristy will send you her new book when it comes out in September for free. All you do is pay for shipping. Kristy will be back for one more episode.
Our topic will be “How to reverse the negative momentum in your career.” So remember to subscribe and you will not miss any new episodes. If you are from Guyana, I hope you enjoyed this, Law of Attraction podcast, leave me a shout out in the comments.
How to, find your Soulmate,, we'll have tips today on, how we attract our soulmate, how to live with him or her, and have out of body physical love! Today I am continuing my talk with International renowned author Ilona Selkie. Our topic is, “How to, find your Soulmate,”
Bio
Ilona an International best-selling author, Seminar leader, Lecturer, Musician, CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision.
For over thirty years, Ilona has inspired thousands of people
worldwide to discover the power of their consciousness and to create successful lives. Ilona has written four books one of them we're going to touch on today because in that book she specifically she talks about how to, find your soulmate. That book is called “Dolphins Love and Destiny” Ilona’s newest book is called “Dream Big, the Universe is Listening”
In my first interview with Ilona, On the Transform your mind with coach Myrna radio and podcast, we talked about the Quantum Field, and energy. Today we are using that energy and we're going to direct it specifically to, How to, find Your Soulmate,” In addition to authoring the four books, Ilona has produced music and meditation CDs, co-authored two books with Brian Tracy, and one with Jack
Canfield. She has also been a regular guest on A& E and Bravo TV with Jack
Canfield, and was a producer and TV host for the Quantum Living show on Women's broadcast TV.
I love talking about soulmates specifically, “How to ,find your Soulmate,” and we'll have tips and tidbits today on, how we attract our soulmate, how to live with him or her, once we found them and have union into old age!
Every single person needs to know this. I'm going to tell you how I met my husband and, “How I found my soulmate”, I think that he's my, soulmate and I want you to confirm that or deny it based on data I will share later in the program; but yes we'll get into all the details on, “How to, Find your Soulmate,” it it's going to be a very interesting conversation, and one of the things I love about this show is that I learn as much as my audience from interviewing my guests. I pick topics that are stimulating and tantalizing, and that I and everyone listening could find some commonality with it. So yes this is one of the topics that everyone will be interested in listening to your expertise on.
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Ilona, tell us your journey from your childhood to
becoming the CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision. Please share that
with us and why don't we tie it right into our topic today, “How to, find your Soulmate,”
From some magical moment when I was maybe 10 years old, I had a
flash of a person in front of my mind who I knew was going to be my husband.
Now he had a beard, he played guitar, he spoke English. Honestly those were my goals and my desires. That was on my bucket list as to what my husband had to be. I was German mind you. I'm in Germany, I'm going to school, but my husband needs to be able to speak English from England!
He would be speak English, have a beard, and play guitar so those were my
Requirements. Then I saw a flash again. I was walking through
downtown my little village, and it flashed into my mind, this future husband image again.
I'm going to tell you how to create Union that lasts despite aging and how you feel satisfied
whether you're still young or old, and how to merge your soul with your, soulmate, because that's what I have found with my, soulmate.
How I found my Soulmate
Myrna – I met my husband and, soulmate, as I walked into a train. He was the officer on the train collecting tickets. He was by the front door as I walked on the train. I noticed him. I said to myself, of a new officer. He was Black. I had not seen a black officer on the train before, so I noticed him. He told me later, that when he saw me walk onto the train, he had a warm feeling in his body. He's never felt that before. I took the train every day to and from work.
The next time he saw me sitting on the train, he built up the courage to come and talk to me. We talked for about half an hour until I got off of my stop and when I got off of my stop my heart and my whole body went into somersault. It was an amazing! I had this feeling of euphoria. I knew that he was going to be my next husband!
I'm not sure if I know he was going to be my next husband, but I knew he
was in my next relationship and that I had definitely, found my soulmate, I was still married at the time, but the relationship had run its course and we were on the way out. So, I knew he was going to be my next relationship. My heart didn't stop some somersaulting for the entire week! Every time I was on the train, I couldn't even read. I could not do anything, but keep an ear out for him coming to talk to me. I was just expecting him to show up and my heart just kept somersaulting! Yes, we had a connection right away.
An Overview to, Finding Your Soulmate
The first truth in how to, find your, soulmate, is to understand the nature of a, soulmate. It’s strange, but most people don’t sit down to figure out what a, soulmate is. As a result, people often force the wrong person into fitting the, soulmate mold. If you want to know how to, find your soulmate, then you need to actually “know,” rather than wing it in understanding what a soulmate is.
Ilona – that so awesome because I think the body doesn't lie. If we're attentive to our body signals and feel our heart and are open to it without numbing it with alcohol or numbing it with anger or numbing ourselves with other kind of
prescription drugs. If we stay clean, if we listen to our body, if we're open to
the knocks of the universe and the universe talking to us, I think we really
feel a lot through our body. I definitely love my body and you know
some people will tell you they get sweaty palms and they get weak knees.
Myrna – I know that but my heart just jumped up and down like a trampoline! I
tell you it was like sometimes, it wasn't a heart attack somersault, it was like so
like a kid jumping up and down on the bed. I wanted to
ask you, “How do you usually, find your soul mate,”
I've read about people, finding their soulmate, before they meet them in person.
Here are some examples of, Finding your soulmate, before your meet them in person:
• I just finished reading this book called “After the Dance” by Jan Gaye, she was Marvin Gaye's wife. Marvin Gaye was one of the top R&B;
singers of our generation. She was his wife. She wrote in her book that when she saw him at 8 years old, she had a crush on him. She fantasized about marrying him and she fantasized about being his woman. When she finally met him at 17 years old, He took one look at her and fell in love with her, even though she was 17 years his junior and still in high school. She became his second wife when she was 20 years old and the mother of his two kids.
• Then I heard about Megan Good. This is, how she, found her soulmate,
Megan Good is a very popular black actress. She said that there is this guy, Devon Franklin that she knew that she was going to marry. She knew that he was going to be your husband and she started telling everybody he was going to be her husband. This was before they met or he knew who she was. When he met her, I don't know what happened; but you he felt an immediate attraction to Megan and told himself he's a preacher and
she's a movie star. It was not going to work. But whatever energy that was guiding them, worked it out. The attraction was too powerful and they ended up getting married. That is how they both, found their soulmate,
• Angelina Jolie, I know you know her. He didn’t turn out to her, soulmate. She decided that she was going to marry Billy Bob Thornton even before she met Him! She tattooed his name on her inner thigh.
Does the universe pick our soulmate
So my question is. Is that , How we, find our soulmate,? Does the Universe picks our, soulmate, for us?
Ilona – I get the vision thing. Honestly that's
what I do write about in my book “Dolphins Love and Destiny” you can get my
books all on Amazon. If you just google my name alone Ilona Selke you will find my books. But let me tell you what happened after I found my, soul mate, and this ties into a bigger question Karma and destiny. Is it their free will? Is there a predestined life? Do we have a guide? Your subconscious mind is helping you because that's what they say that anything you dream about, your subconscious mind is going out there and working for you as you're dreaming about it.
I saw this as the big question. Do you make up life or does it make you up? To
what degree do you we have input in, How to, find our soulmate,?
So, let's fast forward about another 6 years, not a couple years but six years.
I have a dream and in my dream
God speaks and says there's another man you're supposed to
Marry. Wow I say God, I am so happy we're living like two love birds. Living, loving working everything together. Everything we do is the same, we love everything, we we're just a match made in heaven. I think I got that dream wrong!
Whatever you hold in your head, you can hold in your hand!
It could be money, it can be people, it could be anything that you
Want. Once you think about it, there are some things
that you can do in order to make that happen.
So, Ilona what can normal mortals do to manifest their vision and, find their soulmate?
I know you are operating at a higher frequency, but 90 % of my
listeners are not going to be at your level. So what can we do every day?
Let's give a picture here. Let's say that you're in your 40ths and you know you're not married and you want to be married. You're looking for your, soulmate, you know men have come and gone, but nobody is your, soulmate. How do you lay the ground rule or answer that question, how do I, find your soulmate,?
Can't kind your soulmate?
I'm going to tell the story. I had a coaching client who came to me for help in her career but she was going through a bad relationship so inevitably we would talk about her relationship. She had three failed relationships in which she felt used because she had money stolen from her. But she couldn’t handle being alone so she became a pleaser in her relationships.
She was miserable in her current relationship and this guy was once again using her and taking advantage of her. I said to her, you have to
stop being afraid and picture the perfect guy that you want. You’ve got to picture what you guys are going to be doing together, picture the house you're going to living in, etc.
We started working on that and a couple months later, one of her
ex-boyfriends from her high school contacted her on Facebook and
within a couple of months this girl had moved half the way across the country from Florida to California and was in this absolutely wonderful relationship, the same one she imagined when we did our mind work together.
A year later they got married to her, soulmate, and she is now incredibly happy. She found her, soulmate.
Ilona – Here is a trick, if you want to fall in love with someone or have them fall in love with you, gaze into their eyes for five minutes straight.
What happens when you look into another person's eyes? They say the eyes are the door to the soul. Now imagine you're looking but you're not just looking at the pretty color of their eyes or whatever else you might see. Look at the feeling that you get. Almost like you could look through their pupils into another universe. Imagine you could dive into that big universe and find the star that shines through their eyes. That is how you connect with someone. That is how you get them to fall in love with you!
In my book The Wisdom of the Dolphins Love and Destiny, I described it often in my book Dream Big the Universe is listening. This is how we can connect soul to soul and when we take time.
When I wake up I go into my inner world and I say hello beloved, and I see my beloved Don as a star within the heavens. I imagine it as the source, God you know that we meet as a pinnacle does of two points, two lines meeting in the singular apex and at that point where you can merge two into one. When you can manage to surrender to your own identity into
that feeling of actually touching in to the other one and merging and becoming
one flame. Imagine two candles making one flame. When you get into that state, you
can practice and get there. I teach people, how to, find your soulmate, this way. They can all do it. That moment is love. You asked me to define love and here's my definition.
Love is where two or more unite in one.
I mean we can do it as a group, we can do it as a family, we can have an apex you know like a pyramid, you know mother, father, children. You can have the apex of the unity of the family as an energy center.
I do it with Don my husband, and I go into that apex into that singular
flame and I ask that flame, I say guide our relationship to the highest possible
good for all concerned and to be of service. Because there is an intelligence
within that union that starts happening because no two physical things can be in the same place right? We bump into each other, but our souls can merge into
singularity. I found my, soulmate
Myrna – That's awesome, that is that is very true. In our last segment, we talked about, how to, find your soulmate, and manifesting your, soulmate, we talked about merging two souls. You know looking into you know your partner's eyes and seeing not the physical body but seeing their energy. I was just actually learning that from a book that I'm listening to right now from Dr Dwayne Dyer. Basically that's what he suggests that you know don't see the physical, just see the soul of the person, you can look at them through the eyes of love. That's exactly what Ilona was talking about. So now we want to pull on her so that we can take the conversation to the next
level. I know that the word tantric sex is something to do energy, so Miss India you know about the Kama Sutra. Give us some little tidbits in how to merge our souls into fabulous sex!
How to Merge your souls into fabulous Sex
Ilona – right yes physical as well as soul union. Let's take a deep breath here. I want to start out with a quote from Erich Fromm from his book “The Art of Loving” and he says
build walls between people now it might be a small lie, it may be an omission of
something you feel embarrassed about. Well I tell you the greatest sex starts
with the feeling, well not everybody will agree with me, but I tell you the
greatest love fulfilled sex starts with being willing to be seen. You know with
warts and all. I mean if you're willing to be seen for who you are and that
includes all your emotional baggage, maybe your incongruencies, maybe the fact that you had a bad thought or whatever it is you don't want to download this whole thing the first date. No you wait until both of you bit-by-bit reveal to each other your deepest internal selves. You don't have to start out with the darkest secrets first no make it gentle and slow, but come clean to your lover to your beloved, let them see you for who you are. Because that's the only time you will feel loved is when you are no longer acting to be somebody that you think they might love. So let you learn, let yourself be seen for who you are
and start loving yourself.
I remember the day when I laid in bed and said ok God I've tried to get over jealousy. I guess I'm failing. This is it me warts and all. I am still a jealous woman and I am not sure how to help myself so could you accept me like this? and I was just swept up into the heavens and God said OK. You are who you are and by just offering myself up and being willing to be seen in my eyes to God.
I made this up in my head, but I still imagined that I just surrendered who I was and I said this is me and I'm trying my best! Well I was blessed, honest to God. Later on I had angels help me walk through situations where they came in and they uplifted my energy field, and I didn't feel jealousy I felt loved!
I felt spaciousness and that's another thing, when you are entering into let's
say a sexual relationship with a person if you can call in support of energies
whether you imagine them to be angels, or your inner fear guides or just plain out God or even your ancestors or your subconscious it doesn't matter what you frame. Just say please help me discover this ability to be to merge into union and bring the right person who is capable of doing that with me, because it's no use being the quiet Queen when your counterpart isn't
capable. So ask for help, how to, find your soulmate,.
Slow down, breathe breathe as much as you can don't be a rabbit, I mean that's the number one thing we need to slow down to perceive the heart, the feeling and the way you do it is you say let's stop for a moment and just breathe and feel each other. Let me tell you, he will have more pleasure in the end I guarantee it to you. If you delay, I learned this from a French lover when I was young delay, delay attend trick is all about delay.
So here comes the next part you can do breathing exercises, you can look into each other's eyes, but what really matters is learning to sense maybe in little baby steps at first where do you feel that the other person really is present with you and now I'm going to give you an image. Imagine that pyramid right
so you can meet at the base of the pyramid or you can go Midway King's
Chamber or you can go to the apex, and you can go even beyond into the stars
and if you can, and are breathing through this with your partner, I mean it takes
two people to tango, but you can then start merging or feeling or pretend
that you're merging with the other person's soul.
Doing this during, orgasm, allows you to pretend in your own way, not to just give away to the feeling of pleasure like rise up in your breath and pull it up and out through the top of your head into this imaginary apex in the universe with the other meets that beings soul.
Whether you know whether he or she is there or not just pretend you can do it,
touch them go for them and offer this ecstasy to the divine.
If you can believe in the divine you are really well off if not just turned over to the core big bang, the source give it to that source. In the moment of doing that. Now it takes a lot of discipline to do that you pull up
your breath you say here God I give you my orgasm ah, you're imagining that
you're meeting the other being soul you're going inside kaboom. It's
fireworks, you feel them at the other place at other time space, your body
will know what to do, believe me your body will go through whatever it goes
through even for women or particularly you know who might take a little bit
longer or some who don't orgasm, at a just the feeling of union will satisfy that sense when they go while the guy while let's say typical women are a little bit behind the curve not all but and I don't know about ethnicity but a lot of women I know they're a little bit slower on the draw and you know it takes them longer and if the guy isn't that feels like falling yeah it's just biology you know it's like anyway it takes the guy we go and journey with that other person's soul now if you're the guy listening right now do it with your woman. If you're same-sex, do it with whoever you're with and merge up into an imaginary apex of a particular spiritual.
Make it special, yeah that's real and here is my promise.
Here's my promise if you do this while you’re orgasmic, your orgasm will last longer.
Longer and be more satisfying you come out of the whole experience like ahhh oh my God what have I been missing?
They're saying that one of the reasons that men go to have
affairs and then end up falling in love kind of thing, because they
think that they can just you know have sex and run, but then they're connected.
If you knew that to become even more connected, you transcend the body and you get into the spiritual.
Myrna – I had a guest on my show you know very earlier on and she talked about the Tantric Sex, she gave me a little exercise that I do. She said that you when you if you breathe with
your partner similar to what you're saying but if you if let's say you're
lying in bed and you hug them and you decide to breathe and sync with
their breath it's almost like that spiritual hug kind of thing.
I want to remind you I love your reviews for the podcast “Transform your Mind with coach Myrna” Available on iTunes, Sticher, Tune in, Google Play,iHeart Radio. Your reviews help the show increase in ranking, which means more people can listen to fabulous content every week to get tips and strategies to Live their best lives Now!
Download Ilona’s FREE APP. It is easy to use. Wouldn't you like to have an APP in the morning you just turn it on ten minutes and it gets you into that space where you get in touch with visualizing or feeling your success in advance and asks you to listen to your soul or feel into it and it's beautiful music, soft voice
and it starts your day out right with focus. I made an APP for you for the morning and evening so it's only ten minutes. It doesn't hardly take any time to get started that's why it's so easy most people have ten minutes.
So visit my website Ilona Selkie or the APP store and download for Free and remember to subscribe, rate and review the podcast.
Welcome to the Mindset Transformation radio show and Podcast. Today Dr. Marcia Reynolds is going to teach us “4 Techniques to, Outsmart your Brain” Relax, Detach, gain clarity and ask yourself, How do I want to feel?
But First in keeping with that theme I want to share with you one of the classic stories of how our Brain can Outsmart us.
Acres of Diamonds
There once lived not far from the River Indus an ancient Persian by the name of Al Hafed. Al Hafed owned a very large farm with orchards, grain fields and gardens. He was a contented and wealthy man—contented because he was wealthy, and wealthy because he was contented. One day there visited this old farmer one of those ancient Buddhist priests, and he sat down by Al Hafed's fire and told that old farmer how this world of ours was made.
He said that this world was once a mere bank of fog and the Almighty thrust his finger into the bank of fog and then began slowly to move his finger around and gradually to increase the speed of his finger until at last he whirled that bank of fog into a solid ball of fire, and it went rolling through the universe, burning its way through other cosmic banks of fog, until it condensed the moisture without, and fell in floods of rain upon the heated surface and cooled the outward crust.
Then the internal flames burst through the cooling crust and threw up the mountains and made the hills and the valleys of this wonderful world of ours. If this internal melted mass burst out and cooled very quickly it became granite; that which cooled less quickly became silver; and less quickly, gold; and after gold, diamonds were made. Said the old priest, “A, diamond, is a congealed drop of sunlight.”
Finding your diamonds in your back yard
This is a scientific truth also. You all know that a diamond is pure carbon, actually deposited sunlight. The old priest told Al Hafed that if he had a handful of diamonds he could purchase a whole country, and with a mine of diamonds he could place his children upon thrones through the influence of their great wealth.
Al Hafed heard all about, diamonds, and how much they were worth, and went to his bed that night a poor man—not that he had lost anything, but poor because he was discontented and discontented because he thought he was poor. He said: “I want a mine of, diamonds!” So he lay awake all night, and early in the morning sought out the priest.
Reminds me of the story I tell my children about the dog and his shadow. If you are not familiar, a dog is walking over a bridge and sees another dog with a bone. He decides he wants that bone as well and jumps in and loses the bone he has in his mouth because what he saw was not another dog but his own shadow. It is a story of discontent and greed!
Getting back to our story. Al Hafed woke the priest out of his dreams and said to him, “Will you tell me where I can find, diamonds?” The priest said, “Diamonds? What do you want with diamonds?” “I want to be immensely rich,” said Al Hafed, “but I don't know where to go.” “Well,” said the priest, “if you will find a river that runs over white sand between high mountains, in those sands you will always see, diamonds.”
“Do you really believe that there is such a river asked al Hafed?” The priest replied “Plenty of them, plenty of them; all you have to do is just go and find them, then you have them.” Al Hafed said, “I will go.” So he sold his farm, collected his money at interest, left his family in charge of a neighbor, and away he went in search of diamonds.
He began at the Mountains of the Moon. Afterwards he went around into Palestine, then wandered on into Europe, and at last, when his money was all spent, and he was in rags, wretchedness and poverty, he stood on the shore of that bay in Barcelona, Spain, when a tidal wave came rolling in through the Pillars of Hercules and the poor, afflicted, suffering man could not resist the awful temptation to cast himself into that incoming tide, and he sank beneath its foaming crest, never to rise in this life again.
Now, Al Hafed's successor one day led his camel out into the garden to drink, and as that camel put its nose down into the clear water of the garden brook Al Hafed's successor noticed a curious flash of light from the sands of the shallow stream, and reaching in he pulled out a black stone having an eye of light that reflected all the colors of the rainbow, and he took that curious pebble into the house and left it on the mantel, then went on his way and forgot all about it.
A few days after that, this same old priest who told Al Hafed how diamonds were made, came in to visit his successor, when he saw that flash of light from the mantel. He rushed up and said, “Here is a, diamond,—here is a diamond! Has Al Hafed returned?” “No, no; Al Hafed has not returned and that is not a diamond; that is nothing but a stone; we found it right out here in our garden.” “But I know a, diamond, when I see it,” the priest said; “this is a diamond!”
Then together they rushed to the garden and stirred up the white sands with their fingers and found others more beautiful, more valuable, diamonds, than the first, and thus were discovered the diamond mines of Golconda, the most magnificent diamond mines in all the history of mankind, exceeding the Kimberley in its value. The great Kohinoor diamond in England's crown jewels and the largest crown diamond on earth in Russia's crown jewels came from that mine.
The moral to the story is had Al Hafed remained at home and dug in his own cellar or in his own garden he would have had, acres of diamonds.
We are all, Acres of Diamonds, Each and every one of us is unique with acres of talent and gifts. If we dig we will find them. Don’t be like Al Hafed and go looking for riches elsewhere. You are all, diamonds, in the rough.
Now let me tell you a little more of our guest today.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds is fascinated by the, brain, especially how to, outsmart your brain, what sparks feelings of connection, commitment, and possibility. She is able to draw on her research to help leaders have more meaningful conversations that inspire change. She has delivered workshops in 35 countries and has presented at the Harvard Kennedy School, Cornell University, and the Edwards School of Management in Canada.
Marcia is a true pioneer in the coaching profession. She was the 5th global president of the International Coach Federation and is the training director for the Healthcare Coaching Institute at Virginia Tech. She also teaches for coaching schools in Russia and China.
Interviews and excerpts from her books, Outsmart Your Brain, Wander Woman, and her latest, The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs have appeared in many places including Fast Company, CNN.com, Psychology Today, and The Wall Street Journal and she has appeared on ABC World News.
Marcia’s doctoral degree is in organizational psychology with an emphasis on the needs of strong, smart women in today’s corporations. She also holds two master’s degrees in education and communications.
Show Notes:
• What do mean by, Outsmart your brain.
The primary purpose of the, brain, is to protect you and to keep you safe.
Anytime you say something to someone that is critical they get defensive and they get defensive without thought. To, outsmart your brain, is really about making good choices. Stopping and asking what is my, brain, perceiving here and what is really true. You have to know how to stop, breathe and make good choices.
You have to shift your emotions. Take 10 sec to remember to care, take 10 sec to realize that this person is not trying to hurt me.
You have to change your emotion to change your thought to, outsmart your brain.
Here are the 4 Techniques to change your emotions and outsmart your brain.
1. Relax your body, release the tension. Take a breath let it out
2. Clear your mind. Quickly drop your mind to the center of your body
3. Center your mind on your Chi or 2nd Chakra
4. Choose how you want to feel.
• What prompts your brain to do things that sabotage your best intentions
The brain perceives a threat to something so it protects you.
If you are afraid it sees danger and sabotages your efforts.
• Is there something we can do to stop reacting?
You have to understand your emotions triggers.
They are there to protect you.
Like respect in the workplace.
The, brain, reacts because it may think that someone is trying to take control over you
• How can we use our heart and brain to control our emotions?
Quiet your mind and ask your mind or gut. What should I do?
Take a breath and go into your heart and then you usually say something better
When your heart and your gut is open then you have access to all three of your brains
Your brain, your heart and your gut.
• Are the brains of men and women wired differently?
We are born with the same wiring but whatever is rewarded as we aged that is what we become. Women were more head and gut based and men were more head based but that is changing.
Men are becoming more heart based because they are being raised by women.
Entrepreneurship, is the process of setting up a business. For, entrepreneurs, battling, mental illness, controlling their, emotions, is their superpowers, when it comes to building a business of our dreams.
My guest today is Scout Sobel. She is the author of the “Emotional Entrepreneur” and we are going to be having a very interesting conversation today on, mental health, specifically the, mental health, of entrepreneurs. As you consider, entrepreneurship, you need to understand how our, emotions, guide you in everyday life.
Scout experienced her first depressive episode at the age of 14 and was formally diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, at the age of 20. Living with a, mental illness, brought an onslaught of symptoms: anxiety, hypomania, depression, catatonia, psychosis, and, suicidal ideation.
Her perception of her life weighed down on her so poignantly that she dropped out of college, could not hold a job or internship, was hospitalized, experimented with medleys of prescription medication, and went through two outpatient programs.
One day her husband (then boyfriend) looked at her lovingly and said, “I don’t care if you’re depressed. If you are depressed and hopeful, I can be in this relationship. If you are depressed and hopeless, I can’t do this with you.”
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That was the moment her life changed. She started infusing her life with hope and began to take radical responsibility for her emotional state. And after intense, self-development, work – support groups, holistic healing modalities, prayer, routines, and physical wellness, she found, entrepreneurship. Through, entrepreneurship, she learned to unconditionally love her life through the pain, challenges, and celebrations. She learned that she wanted to be here.
Today, Scout is the Founder and CEO of Scout's Agency, a female-focused PR agency that specializes in getting women as guests on, podcasts.
Her debut book, The Emotional Entrepreneur, provides the, mindset, and, emotional tools, she learned from managing her, mental illness, that have helped her succeed in business and, entrepreneurship.
Entrepreneurship and mental illness
Myrna: I want to start off with something you say in your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”, you said that our, emotions, are our guiding superpowers when it comes, entrepreneurship, and building a business of our dreams. How did your, emotions, guide you to become an, entrepreneur?
Scout: Very shortly after I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, my husband said those sentences that changed my life and I started infusing hope into my days. Which beautifully led me to faith through that process of showing up to support groups, writing gratitude lists etc. My gratitude list and my journal, every single morning reading every self-help book Barnes and Noble had to offer.
I was sitting with my friend at a coffee shop and we were looking through an Indie magazine (I love fashion magazines). I just looked at her and I asked do you want to start a magazine with me? She said yes, let's do it. We were going to print it at Kinko’s and pass it out to our friends for free. This was going to be a borderline arts and crafts project.
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Suddenly, something in my mind just flipped and immediately I went home. I got the Instagram handle, I searched for printers in the area and then set up five appointments with all the best printers in 50 mile vicinity. I went to see them and then they quoted me ten thousand dollars. I said to myself, ‘I have to find ten thousand dollars’.
Then, I started a kick starter campaign and fast forward, our second issue was picked up by national distributor and sold in newsstands across the country. I was 22 at the time.
The third issue had musician Halsey on the cover and I woke up to an email from Barnes and Noble asking if they could distribute my magazine as well.
So, in that three-issue process of, entrepreneurship, and running that magazine, I went from the girl that had to pull herself out of bed, to becoming an, entrepreneur, who was in charge of everything. It was like walking through quicksand. I couldn't deal with responsibility. I became the girl that over functioned. I became the girl that went the extra mile in such a short time.
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I found out that, entrepreneurship, was two things that I felt:
Entrepreneurship, has the same highs and lows as, bipolar disorder. My mind could really understand the emotional pattern behind it.
I was unable to show up for the responsibilities in my life, because I always had a psychiatrist note that could excuse me. I didn't have to go to friend's birthday party because I had a, mental illness. All my friends would understand or try to understand etc.
I really used my, mental illness, as a, crutch, to avoid responsibility and avoid showing up in my life in the ways that I really needed to, but when it came to, entrepreneurship, there was no note a psychiatrist could write out because I couldn't tap out of it .
If I tapped out, the whole thing would fall apart, so it was almost this contradictory paradox. I had to have all the responsibility on my shoulders in order for me to show up, I had to be completely present in every aspect. So, I found in the beginning of, entrepreneurship, that I showed up because I had the freedom to create what I wanted to create and I couldn't call in sick, that didn't work anymore.
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The entrepreneurship path leads to happiness
Myrna: I also believe that, happiness, is working towards a goal and there is no better goal than when you're working for yourself and you're trying to grow your business as an, entrepreneur. I also like your confession that you were using the doctor's notes as a cop-out in life.
A lot of people do that, they lead with their illnesses. It doesn't even have to be, mental illness, it could be a physical illness and they lead with that. Oh! I can't do this because of this, mental illness, it's a cop-out because we know being in the inspirational space, that people overcome challenges all the time.
They defy odds and do amazing things with no hands and no legs.
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Scout: I think it's important. I don't know if it's touched upon enough and it's something I say that can ruffle feathers or maybe trigger some people. I was addicted to my, depression. My, depression, my anxiety and my, mental illness, while it kept me in such distress and pain and chaos and crying fits and, anxiety attacks.
It kept me in my comfort zone, it kept me in the predictable, it kept me in what my body was used to. So, in many ways, it held me back from my healing because it said “no, that freedom out there, that's unknown – (we don't know what's going to happen over there).
Let's just stay in the pain so we can predict what's happening, we know how this is going to go. It prevented me and allowed me not go through my formative early 20s not assuming responsibility for my emotional state.
So my, mental illness, was very real and tangible, and loves to visit me at times when I would prefer it not to.
There was a lot of moments and I think most of my suffering came from the fact that I allowed myself to play the victim. I blamed the cards that I was dealt on my despair and suffering. The minute I realized and took responsibility and accepted that these were the cards that I was dealt, I started to use my emotional landscape as my superpower.
Today, ten years after being diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and 16 years after having my first depressive episode, I feel wildly safe in my, emotions.
I think they are my biggest teachers, mentors and guides. They have helped me with, entrepreneurship. They are the reasons I am successful with Scott's Agency. I also started recognizing that when I got into, entrepreneurship, this game was a, personal development, game. It wasn't a play, it wasn't a market strategy (those are all parts of it) but at the end of the day, successful, entrepreneurs, are successful because of their emotional strength and their, mindset.
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I saw that so many women who had the resources, the education, the access to funds, are not getting into the game of their dreams because of self-doubt, because of fear and anxiety. That's when I woke up. My, bipolar disorder, primed me to walk through emotional hell, to gather the strength and the tools that I could then apply to living out my purpose (which is running Scouts Agency, writing books etc).
So, once I realized that it was the emotional landscape that was holding us all back from success, that's when the light bulb went off in my brain.
Myrna: Yes, it's true our, emotions, dictate the quality of our lives which is basically why I named this show “Transform your Mind to transform your life” because if you believe that you can, you can. And if you have this, crutch, that says you were born poor or you were born black or you were born with a, mental illness, or you were born with whatever, crutch, that you want to tell yourself, that prevents you from moving forward, and your life is not going to be transformed.
Scout: Everyone can find a, crutch, no matter who they are, no matter if their life is technically great on paper or technically really unfortunate circumstances, we can all easily rely on a, crutch.
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Entrepreneurship and the emotional ride of uncertainty
Myrna: How can, entrepreneurs, handle the emotional rollercoaster and what kind of, mindset shifts, that they need in order to become a successful, entrepreneur? You talked about your purpose and the fact that your, bipolar disorder, with your highs and lows allowed you to have the emotional strength to become an, entrepreneur.
Let's talk about the, entrepreneur, that is doing everything. What kind of advice would you give to that, entrepreneur, (female) let's say that wants to start a magazine or a hair salon or something and has to deal with all the aspects of, entrepreneurship, and the uncertainty?
Scout: First cultivate the belief that you're safe in your, emotions, and then unconditionally accept that uncomfortable, emotions, are highly part of this game and that you will survive them.
That you are safe in your, emotions, and that you can reduce the suffering above the pain. What I mean by that is if you can limit the, anxiety, about the, anxiety, or the sadness about the, depression, we can work with the root cause. Uncomfortable, emotions, and really understand what it's trying to tell us, that makes you an, entrepreneur.
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So, before you jump into the game, understand that you're going to be juggling all the hats.
You're going to be the customer service expert,
The graphic designer,
You're going to be the social media manager
The sales manager.
The website designer
All these roles that you have to figure out. On top of that you're going to have to walk through the uncomfortable discomfort that comes with that responsibility. So, know and accept that's part of the game.
It's really suiting up and really pulling in from your personal power and strength. It's not expecting that, entrepreneurship, is going to be easy, fun and glamorous. That you're always in alignment, you're flowing with creative ideas and your courses are selling out with six figure launches automatically etc. The fires will come more often than the successes.
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Myrna: As a Lifecoach, I understand what you're trying to say, but it's a very hard pill to swallow, because people go into, entrepreneurship, with the dream of riches and wealth and they don't necessarily go into it thinking of the fires. They understand it's hard work, but it’s very hard to smile and say I'm going to walk through the fire. Tony Robbins, make you do the fire walk and I'm pretty sure that's what it's setting you up for that you can walk through the fire and not get burnt.
I follow Dwayne Dwyer and he talks about, living from the end. So let's say that you become an, entrepreneur, for a certain end purpose or end game. When you're walking through the fire, if you can see that end then it will give you the strength in order to not chuck it in and to move forward.
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Entrepreneurs need to prioritize their mental health
You said that every, entrepreneur, should prioritize their, mental health, but not every, entrepreneur, is going to have, depression, or, bipolar disorder. However, mental health, covers a gamut of things. So what's your advice on that?
Scout: When I wrote the ‘Emotional Entrepreneur’, it was really not for the mentally ill. I think the beauty of the conversation about, mental illness, that it is coming to the forefront in the last few years. When I was diagnosed 10 years ago, no one is talking about, mental illness. Now the conversation is beautifully being opened. In the conversation about, mental illness, being open, the conversation about everyone's daily, mental health, is being opened and that's really the people I want to talk to.
All of my messages are not for those who struggle with, mental illness, it's for those who have, mental health, which is all of us. I think, for too long we've been told that if we don't have a, mental illness, then there’s nothing we get to prioritize. When our experience here on earth is based on how we relate to our, emotions, and many times we act in spite of our, emotions, when our, higher self, knows better or our, higher self, would have had a different plan for us.
Mental health is not only for people diagnosed with mental illness
So, if you're an, entrepreneur, and you are listening and you're like; ‘well, I'm going to go through fires, I'm going to go through ups and downs, I’m going to have to figure out whatever messed up our product or makes a client unhappy. Now, I got to figure out how to make payroll and all of those things you might as well emotionally feel safe during that process because your business is going to soar if you are emotionally sound and strong within.
Myrna: I'm glad you're saying that, mental health, is not necessary for people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness, but it's very important to keep your, mental health, strong.
One of the things that I love about your bio is that you talk about your prescription medication for the people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness. Can you share your journey?
Scout: This month celebrates one year of being, psychiatry medication, free and I don't say that to promote the stigma or to promote anyone to go off their medication. I simply say because, psychiatry medication, got me to a point where I was able to go off them and then flourish in my life. Though, there were a lot of dark moments with me and my trial and error for medication.
If anyone is listening to this, and he's considering, psychiatry medication, for a, mental illness, diagnosis or, mental health, diagnosis, and he’s feeling ashamed around that, I really invite you to end that shame and that stigma. There are times in our lives where we need to take things to physically and mentally treat our illnesses, our bodies, our spirits and souls etc. I never felt shame around taking the, psychiatric medication.
I really invite you to not passively wait for, psychiatry medication, to come save your mental state, but to really recognize that it's just a little boost and the rest you really have to show up for. The idea that, psychiatry medication, is going to heal you completely, for me was very helpful because I wasn't just passively playing the victim and waiting for something else to take over me and heal me. Medication really does a very small percentage of your healing for you.
Psychiatry medication is just the launching pad to healing
Psychiatry medication, can provide that launching pad, but really get ready for yourself to show up for you. I would say to really be your own advocate in the psychiatry office, ask about the symptoms, ask about what's coming off the medication, ask about the withdrawals, do I have to ease off for two months?
I say this because I was put on a, psychiatry medication, where I was not given the correct information about the withdrawals and it was a really traumatic experience for me. So, it’s really good to ask about the side effects.
The Emotional Entrepreneur
Myrna: Can you tell us about your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”? You said it was not written for people that have been diagnosed specifically with, mental illness, but to help people prioritize, mental health. I like that play on words. What do you want the readers to walk away after reading your book?
Scout: The Emotional Entrepreneur is really the emotional guidebook for, entrepreneurship. If you are someone who wants to start an agency, a podcast, a product based business, a life coaching, career etc; you might be purchasing books on how to manage clients. You might even be purchasing books on how to hit six figures, you might be purchasing books on how to close more sales, deals, how to brand your website etc, this book is the emotional part of all of that. This is going to be your guidebook towards navigating fear, combating impostor syndrome and enjoying yourself along the way.
By celebrating small wins and believing in yourself, it's going to help you reframe your relationship to your, anxiety, as you get started. It's going to make you understand that, entrepreneurship, and starting your own business is the biggest personal development game, and you get to be emotionally supported in that.
Myrna: How can readers connect with you on social media or get a copy of your book?
Scout: You can follow me on Instagram ‘@scoutsobel’, that's the best place to connect with me. In my bio, there are links to Scout's Agency, my podcast and you can buy the book there. You can as well get the book on Amazon when you search for “The Emotional Entrepreneur by Scott Sobel”.
Myrna: One of my biggest takeaways about, depression, was reading the book; “The Work” by Byron Katie. I mean I have never actually heard of a, depression, like she went through. She said that she was so depressed that she had to put herself in a halfway house, and she laid on the floor and couldn't get up and couldn't move until one day she decided to change her inner dialogue and change her mindset.
Thank you guys all supporting the Transform Your Mind podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes if you found this content inspirational.
Your, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage your, conscious mind, 24 hours per day. In fact studies show that our, subconscious, mind, is running our lives 95% of the time. If you don't, reprogram your subconscious mind, you will continue to run the same, subconscious programs, like a a tape recorder. We have to erase the tape and rewrite the tape for it to play new programs. Listen to the interview to learn how to, reprogram your unconscious mind.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction, Unconscious mind
Whenever you are on autopilot, you are running, unconscious mind. Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there. That is your, unconscious mind, driving you to your destination.
Autopilot is just one of your, subconscious programs, that has to do with your beliefs.
These, subconscious programs, were downloaded to you before your 7th birthday are the programs your, unconscious mind, play until you die; unless you, reprogram your subconscious mind.
Even if you become aware of your, subconscious programs, you still continue the behaviors because the, unconscious mind, will keep playing the same, subconscious programs. Think about your vinyl record. Unless you scratch the record, it will play the same song forever!
When I was growing up my activity of choice was reading Harlequin romances. I was brainwashed into believing that love looked and acted in a certain way. For example, all the leading men in my Harlequin romance novels, were rugged, tall, dark and good looking. All the leading ladies were independent and did not want a man's help; so the man and the woman ended up feuding and hating each other until they realized that all, this attention they are placing on each other fighting, were actually the flip side of love!
These lovers, leading men and ladies were never a good match. Chemistry and raw physical attraction lead the way. Thirty years later, I was still playing that, subconscious program, It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started looking on the inside of a man, and not what he presented on the outside that I was able to, reprogram my unconscious mind,
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I was listening to a sermon by, Joel Osteen, a few months back and he was telling the story of, subconscious programs, with his sister. Joel said his sister was praying and asking God for a husband and God sent her a wonderful man; but she rejected him because he had red hair. He did not fit her, subconscious programs, for a mate. It took her years to reprogram her mindset and love this man.
Did you grow up in a home where your dad worked and your mom stayed home and watched the kids? You never saw your dad because he was always working and your family just had enough? That is your model of a family and today you are probably still running this, subconscious programs,
What is your, Unconscious Mind, that needs to be rewritten?
I was a foster mom for years. I see the, unconscious mind, in foster and adopted kids all the time. Especially since most of them came into foster care system before their 7th birthday. They developed programs on, abandonment, attachment disorders, survival, most of them hoard food because their, unconscious mind, and lack and survival.
Here are 5, subconscious programs, Teenagers are running today
Make generalizations (no one loves me, I’m always going to be a failure, I’ll never get a job or pass this test)
Make choices and judgment based on past experiences.
3. Settle in life, don’t apply for jobs or get involved in extra curricular activities.
4. Reviews information and draws conclusions.
If someone breaks their heart, they learn to not trust people – to avoid being hurt again. If living in poverty, feel like will never get enough money to make it out of poverty. If get in a fight, feel they always need to protect them self
5. Accepts information literally and personally (take a lot of things said to heart, but not as constructive criticism)
A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your, unconscious mind, will bring to pass any picture held in the mind and backed by faith.
This is the space I am spending a lot of time in, at the moment. I am working on visualizing my goals and desires and speaking, affirmations. I am having a hard time of it, because I am not a visual person. But this is the first step in controlling the, unconscious mind, Visualizing what you want. Let the, unconscious mind, find the way, you only have to give it the destination.
For example if you want to be married by the age of 30 and have 3 kids. That is the mental picture you give your, unconscious mind, The universe will find the man and arrange the kids! Just say, affirmations, every day to reprogram your, unconscious mind.
Daily Affirmations, like:
I will get married to the man of my dreams by age 30
The Universe will deliver to me the man of my dreams by the time I am 30
I will get married by age 30 and have 3 kids by age 35
Remember to give your, unconscious mind, only instructions that would elevate and heal. It is the secret to your success. Your, unconscious mind, cannot take a joke. Don’t say things like with my luck the man that shows up would be bowed legged with buck teeth! Because guess what, hold that image in your mind for any length of time and that is what you will get, a bow legged man with buck teeth. Trust me on this.
About 10 years ago I read, Deepak Chopra’s, book called “Grow Younger, Live Longer” In this book Deepak taught us to say, affirmations, every day. It went like this.
Daily Affirmations for aging younger
Every day, in every way, I am getting younger and younger,
my biological clock is set at a healthy 30 years of age,
I look and feel a healthy 30 years of age.
Every day I am renewing my mind and body by eating healthy foods,
I take nutritional supplements wisely, etc.
I don’t remember all of it. I was saying these, affirmations, around my 40th birthday. So over 20 years ago. I still remember those, affirmations, because I said them every day for several months.
This year on my 60th birthday, I posted a picture on Facebook and this girl commented. She said “It is like you stopped aging at 30 years old. You just said F**K it! I am not getting any older! I do look 20 years younger than my chronological age and that’s because I rewrote my, subconscious programs,!
How to Rewrite Your Subconscious Mind
In my, conscious mind, I was always planning out my future and all things I wanted it to entail. I told myself, you will never be broke, you’re a go getter and you will always meet your basic necessities because of that. This mindset, relays into my life because it reminds me that failure is never an option and all things are possible because I know it is.
Many times, I feel that I have programmed my, unconscious mind, for the success. I heal myself faster from injuries. For example, one time my eye was swollen, and I had a workshop coming up in 2 days. I said to my, subconscious mind, don’t sweat it, you are going to get a warm rag and sleep with it on your eye, then you will use antibiotics and by the day of your workshop it will be gone.
Sure enough, the eye was not swollen anymore and I was able to facilitate my workshop with two functional eyes. Furthermore, despite all the adversity I have experienced in my life, I was always sure that I would finish University and get my degree. I programmed my, unconscious mind, to prepare for the test.
Remember the, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage the, conscious mind.
Our, subconscious programs, doesn't stop at age 7; but continues for the rest of our lives.
Take risks to get past, subconscious programs, Your, unconscious mind, always wants to play it safe.
Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.
4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?
5. How can I make this a reality?
6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host? What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!
Conclusion reprogram your unconscious mind
This strategy is called, auto inquisition. Thomas Edison practiced, auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, unconscious mind, questions about an invention. You can do the same.
Give yourself permission to be successful, believe that you deserve good things to happen
Don’t allow other peoples fears to make you doubt yourself.
Surround yourself with positive reinforcement and allies.
Speak your success as present fact not a future plan. Instead of saying I am figuring out how to do that now, say I am strategist. What do I need to make that happen right now.
Start asking for what you want and keep track of all the things that have happened (gratitude journal)
Create a vision space, so you can imagine what it is you want to happen in your life.
Additional Resources Unconscious mind
“Keeping a healthy mind is important to have a balanced life. Mental health training can help you enhance self-awareness providing tips and knowledge about this topic”.
Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement is a book written to encourage women of color who were born in lack. It showcases my, personal growth, journey and how I got, out of the snares, of poverty and, child abuse.
This is my interview on the Books of the Month show on www.ptwwntv.com
Listen to the interview:
Introduction to Out Of the Snares
Myrna – I am a, life coach, I host a show on the preach the word television network called Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, one of the reasons that I wrote the book, Out of the Snares, is because I believe and I wanted to encourage women that it is not where we come from, but where we end up that’s important.
It's also the only way that we can go through that transition like from a caterpillar to a butterfly is if we allow the things that happen to us in life help us with, personal growth. We should use challenges to transform ourselves and for our, personal development.
So, the book, Out of the Snares, is basically a story of my life. I wrote it from a, life coaching, perspective with 10 principles of, life experiences, that happened to me and what I learned from those, life experiences.
I’m a, life coach, but I do most of my coaching on my show Transform Your Mind. It is a radio, podcast and a television show.
Dr O.C Pringle: You're doing it all sister Young, you're doing it all right and so of course your inspiration would be your, life's experience, and, child abuse. let's talk about that.
Out of the Snares of Child Sexual Abuse
Myrna: I was, sexually abused, as a child in Guyana by a family friend. He was technically my Godfather, but being from a third world country, a very poor country and he was very rich.
We would call him a, pedophile, he showered me with a lot of attention, and bought me a lot of gifts and then took advantage of that.
I didn't realize that we were doing anything wrong until I became 13 and started having Boyfriends.
DR O.C Pringle: Until you became what? Wait how old were you?
Myrna: This, sexual abuse, began at age 10.
Dr O.C Pringle: Wow did anything ever happen to this guy?
Myrna: No, because like most children I didn’t say anything about it. I told no one. This book was my first experience talking about it and I in my 40’s when I wrote, Out of the Snares. My dad read the book and was very upset that he did not know this was going on.
Children carry a lot of shame regarding, sexual abuse, I still carried shame when I wrote, Out of the Snare. As you can see I used my maiden name Trotman for the author name.
Dr. O.C Pringle: So, you placed Myrna Bernadette Trotman on the cover of the book, because you didn't want people to know it was you, but your picture is on the cover!!
Myrna: I started to release shame when I started talking about the, sexual abuse, and when I learnt that children can’t give consent for sex. So whatever guilt and shame that I had attached to my, sexual abuse, I released it.
Dr O.C Pringle: Well listen it worked out for your good, but all things work together for the good of them that loved God and are called according to his, purpose, so your, sexual abuse, worked in your favor. You were able to redirect that energy into something positive where you're helping people all over the world. You're on radio and on television, yes you are some kind of a woman.
Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement
Myrna: Out of the Snares, is made up of 10 principles in life that we should live by:
Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you– Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good– God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don't give up until you win.
Let the, Universal Laws of Attraction, the, Laws of Intention, work for you– Ask and it will be given unto you.
Have a, Positive Mindset– Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
Use what you have in your hand– You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
Be intentional about your Growth– Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
If you build it, they will come“ Be a servant first.
Find your Passion– it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
Love– it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
Business Consciousness– how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.
Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative. Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example. So we need to tell ourselves “I don't like the way you talk to me”
My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers. Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.
Does being a martial artist help with self communication?
Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness? You mentioned that you're helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.
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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices. I started practicing martial art around 17 years old. I'm currently 55 years old and that's been a constant throughout my life.
I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.
How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns
Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.
I didn't realize that I was doing it. I hadn't got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.
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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?
Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication. The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.
You need to develop the skill of listening to what you're actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.
What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There's a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves. We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.
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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let's say somebody can't stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:
you're not good enough.
you'll never be nothing.
you will never amount to anything.
You will never be a success in life.
Myrna – Now they're mindful of it because they're listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?
Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?
Cheyne – I don't like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it's a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.
Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you're using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?
Cheyne – That's a great question. I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.
There's a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi
This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives. The mind leads the Chi!
When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.
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Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.
Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves. I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.
We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we've become conditioned to believe that it's somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.
I’m going to title this “I don't like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:
you're so pretty.
you're so beautiful.
you are going to kick ass in this job.
I am good enough for this promotion.
No, the, self-communication, is always negative.
Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.
Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk
Myrna – That's amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program. Tell us about it.
Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”
People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who've been raped, who've had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.
Yet when it's explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they're telling themselves about themselves.
Just because we've had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don't need to define who we are today. What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we've been through.
How do we process those experiences? We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.
Self-liberation is a freeing experience
This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.
Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you're saying, because someone who's reading this wouldn't understand the depth of what you're saying. What you're saying is someone who has been, broken, they're a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they're telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you're not worth anything.
I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn't get out of it until I was in my 40s. I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it. Now I don't have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can't give consent to anything.
What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?
Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.
When we uncover what we've actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we're teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation. We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.
These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way. We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.
Myrna – One of my most favorite quotes from Dr Wayne Dwyer
Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change
All we have to do the work. I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!
We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk
If you don't do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions. The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame. You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.
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We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.
We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We've been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we've had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.
Conclusion
I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life Radio Podcast and television show. Please leave a review on iTunes and give us a rating if you liked this blog and podcast.
If you are listening on Spotify or any of the other podcast players, please subscribe and turn on your notification so you can be notified of new episodes.
I also want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Life coach, we have daily inspiration in this group to help you to, transform your life, by, transforming your mind.
Addiction and recovery side effects can include, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. In this episode Dr Tra Ahia, Psychologist offers treatment options for dealing with, anxiety disorder.
I was listening to a podcast last week and the guest was talking about her, anxiety disorder, and her story triggered a memory of a personal acquaintance who was a heroin addict and developed, anxiety disorder.
My first introduction to Anxiety Disorder
In the late 80's I was working in sales and my boss's daughter was an, Heroin addict. We were close enough that she would tell me what it was like being addicted to Heroin. She told me how she would cook the heroin until it became a liquid and then she would shoot it into her neck because she got a more immediate high. She showed me the holes in her neck which she covered up with scarves. Her father who was wealthy gave her a car and she sold that car for peanuts to get money to buy Heroin.
She attempted to go to rehab several times; but always walked out because she said they just left you in a room to scream in pain. She said the pain of withdrawal was unbearable. She then started a methadone treatment which is a synthetic version of Heroin. They reduced the dose of the methadone gradually to wean your body off Heroin. But what I want to get to was her, anxiety disorder. She got such bad, panic attacks, her gut was always in knots, that she couldn't leave the house without her safe person, her boyfriend. I don't remember if he used drugs; but when the relationship ended she was unable to leave to leave the house for weeks, not even to buy groceries. Then she was too anxious to start dating. She stressed about some man asking “Can I touch your boobs” I don't know what became of her; but I think of her often.
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If you have an, anxiety disorder – Your brain raises ahead to predict the future. The guest on the podcast had, anxiety disorder, and she described it as “life fright” or , agoraphobia, She said to think about Stage fright. You feel nervous, you think you are going to freeze up or faint, you start to sweat, you think people are going to laugh at you etc. well people with, anxiety disorder, or, agoraphobia, feel like that all the time.
They have, agoraphobia, talking to strangers, checking out at the grocery store, at the bank, going for an interview, at a cocktail party, almost any conversation with a stranger, that's why the guest called it “life fright.”
Dr Tra as the author of the book “Call me an Addict, war on women” How does my story regarding anxiety being called “Life Fright” relates to your experience?
I think for that young lady or whoever coined that term, for her that helped her manage her, anxiety disorder. That term helped her understand for herself this thing that she was feeling, so for her that was a good term to use, this, Life Fright. My thoughts when I think about, life fright, is that I'm afraid of living period. The entire gamut of life, so for me I would not use that term as a replicator to, anxiety disorder; but I can see why she did.
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I understand there are 3 types of, Anxiety Disorders,
Situational anxiety
social anxiety and
high functioning anxiety
Can you explain the difference of these forms of, anxiety, and which is most common with substance abuse?
There are more than just three types of, anxiety disorder, way more. I think it's important also for the audience to understand that when we talk about, anxiety disorder, we're talking about an irrational fear or, agoraphobia, of something that someone is experiencing. It's irrational, it's not logical that you are excessively fearful over this specific situation or you're apprehensive about something or you have difficulty managing daily tasks. So when we think about, agoraphobia, or, anxiety disorder, I want them to know that it's irrational to know your heart is racing, and you feel like you’re going to die.
There are six main categories of, anxiety disorders, like I said there are more than three!
Phobias
Panic attacks, with or without, agoraphobia, you have
Generalized, anxiety disorder,
Obsessive compulsive disorder or, OCD,
Acute stress disorder and
Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD
The American Psychological Association lists research on how, anxiety disorder, is diagnosed.
This disorder called, anxiety disorder, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
It’s normal to become anxious and at one time or another. A car almost hit you, you are going for an interview, you sense danger etc. Anxiety is normal under certain conditions, what we are talking about here is the irrational fear or, agoraphobia, that is a disorder.
Something who's unable to leave their home. This is, agoraphobia, they have a fear of leaving surroundings that they're familiar with.
This a serious affliction.
There are three systems of functioning that need to change in, Anxiety Disorder
Cognitive
Physical and
Behavioral
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How would, high-functioning anxiety, work?
An addict could develop a, panic attack, because perhaps they're they don't have the substance anymore, or it could be someone who gains, agoraphobia, as a result of some interaction they've had with a place they frequented to attain their substance.
An addict with, high-functioning anxiety, usually is on a treatment plan in conjunction with medication to control their, anxiety disorder.
An addict could develop a, panic attack, because perhaps they're they don't have the substance anymore, or it could be someone who gains, agoraphobia, as a result of some interaction they've had with a place they frequented to attain their substance.
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My research shows that these disorders present themselves as early as 14 years old and can be treated successfully by mental health professionals if treatment is started early; but because people feel that mental illness equals crazy, they don't talk about it or seek help.
Research show that 90% of suicides results from mental illness like, anxiety disorder, and depression. How does talk therapy from a Life Coach, social worker or Psychologist such as yourself help patients?
Talk therapy allows the client to feel listened to and understood. It allows them to download and get advise. It can save many from suicide.
How would you help someone suffering from, anxiety disorder?
Mental illness is something that keeps a lot of people up at night but nobody wants to talk about during the day
It is the visitor who enters without knocking
1 in 20 become disabled by mental illness i.e. Can't function in society
So let's start talking.
ANXIETY, has become the defining mental health issue of our decade — women are affected at twice the rate of men, and now children and young adults are also more stressed and anxious than ever before. Join us to learn nutritional and gut solutions for your anxiety!
