Category Archives: Self-confidence

Unleashing the Wow Woman Within: A Journey of Body Building

The transformative journey from living an ordinary life to one that makes people turn heads in awe — becoming a, wow woman — is an inner trek that involves self-reflection, self-love, and a breadth of personal development. Based on insights shared by Katia Stern, a life coach, author, and self-proclaimed, wow woman, this process isn't just about external perceptions; it's a profound internal evolution that shapes how a woman sees herself and, subsequently, how the world sees her.

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Key Takeaways Becoming a Wow Woman

  • Embracing Personal Audacity: Commit to pursuing your desires and stepping outside conventional boxes after the age of 40 — it's never too late to transform and inspire.

  • Self-Love as the Foundation: Prioritize self-love and acceptance, understanding these are prerequisites for a significant transformation.

  • Navigating Femininity and Masculinity: Learn how to balance masculine and feminine energies, especially in relationships, to maintain healthy dynamics and personal satisfaction.

From Now to “Wow”: Decoding the Transformational Process

The conversion from an everyday woman to one that captures attention and admiration often involves charting a path that catapults personal development to the forefront. Katia's body transformation journey was a pivotal starting point where she embraced an inspiring vision — competing in fitness bikini body building competitions.   This goal was neither born from dissatisfaction nor merely the desire to look better; it came from an acknowledgment of personal potential and the pursuit of a compelling vision.

This goal-setting, or rather, desire-setting, is a testament to the power of aspiring for meaningful and far-reaching objectives. As Katia asserted, “It's not a nice thing. And I was doing that outside part. I was doing pretty well, but that didn't bring me that satisfaction that I was searching for.”

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The Role of Self-Love in Personal Transformation

The cornerstone of becoming a, wow woman, as illustrated by Katia, lies in cultivating profound self-love. This isn't merely about pampering oneself with external luxuries — although these can be expressions of self-love — but about the transformative acceptance of one's starting point, forgiving oneself, and undertaking actions that align with self-care and respect. Katia Stern conveyed the nuance of self-love, emphasizing, “Self-love is how you would want your partner, your lover, would want to treat yourself.”

The Consequences of Repressed Femininity

A recurring theme in Katia's discourse was the nuanced struggle women often face with suppressed sensuality and femininity due to societal norms and professional obligations. She shared insights on how these societal pressures compel women to adopt a more, masculine energy, mainly when ascending professional ladders and fulfilling multiple life roles. The challenge, therefore, lies in re-embracing one's femininity, especially in romantic relationships where the interplay of masculine and, feminine energies, is crucial. Katia advised, “Use that, feminine energy, to establish trust in the universe and learn to surrender, to create a space for a masculine man to step in and balance the dynamic.”

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Becoming a Wow Woman: Finding your Unique quality

A, wow woman, essence is deeply etched in her ambition to fuel dreams and desires that align with her true self — not dictated by external expectations or comparisons. It's an invitation to live boldly and authentically. Katia sternly rejects generic standards of success and ‘wowness', advocating instead for a personalized approach, “my wow is not your wow.”

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Reframing Goals as Desires: The Power of Language

Language plays a fundamental role in shaping our mindset towards achieving our ambitions. Katia’s recommendation to replace the word “goal” — which carries a certain masculine weight — with “desire” is a strategic reframe that can energize and feminize the pursuit of our aims. This shift in vocabulary can have a profound effect on our mental approach, influencing our perseverance and excitement towards achieving these desires.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Synthesizing Transformation to Wow Woman

Katia Stern’s narrative shows us that the wow is not just a badge of external marvel; it’s an inside out revolution of self-perception, confidence, and the art of balancing our power. By cultivating self-love that manifests as a disciplined commitment to our desires, embracing our inherent femininity, and trusting in the power of personal evolution without the bounds of age, every woman has the capacity to evoke her own brand of wow. Through this, she becomes an inspiration not just for herself, but to others who are privileged to witness her transformation.

Through personal audacity, self-love as the foundation, and navigating femininity and masculinity, Katia Stern implores women worldwide to embark on their own journeys of remarkable transformation. It's a clarion call to stop waiting on the sidelines, embrace the complex tapestry of emotions and experiences, and step into the spotlight of your own life's stage where wow is not just an exclamation, but your state of being.

Additional Learning
women body building
women body building

https://www.bodybuilding.com/content/the-female-training-bible-everything-you-need-to-get-the-sexy-body-you-desire.html

 

Navigating Self Love and Social Media Beauty Standards

In an age where, beauty standards, and the pressure to conform are omnipresent, the quest for, self love, and authenticity remains a journey that many grapple with. The conversation between life coach Myrna Young and Isabelle Miller, a model, content creator, and, social media influencer, sheds light on the nuances of building a robust, social media presence, while nurturing, self love. In this podcast we delve into the heart of these themes, exploring the interplay between personal growth and, digital influence.

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Key Takeaways

  • Self-Love Beyond Beauty Standards: Embracing one's uniqueness and rejecting society's narrow definitions of beauty is key to personal fulfillment.
  • Growing Social Media Influence Authentically: Consistent, high-quality content, collaboration, and being true to one's brand are crucial for gaining followers.
  • Dealing with Negativity: Maintaining self-esteem in the face of criticism involves a mix of ignoring negativity, engaging constructively, or blocking unhelpful feedback.

Embracing Self Love Beyond Social Beauty standards

In the world of fashion and beauty, adhering to traditional standards often prescribes a narrow path to success. But as Isabelle Miller poignantly highlights, finding prosperity as a model while standing only five feet one inch tall challenges the preconceived notions of the industry's, beauty standards. Echoing this sentiment, Miller states, “I am who I am and I love it. I refuse to accept rotten fruits in my basket.” Her journey as one of the, social media girls,  emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and the rejection of societal pressures that seek to dictate one's self-worth by their, beauty standards.

Through Miller's narrative, we uncover the reflection of, self love, as an act of resistance—a belief that true beauty isn't a metric but an essence that defies standardization. This perspective compels us to rethink how we perceive and value ourselves in a world that often favors uniformity over individuality.

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Transform Your Mind Podlink
Transform Your Mind Podlink

Cultivating a Social Media Following with Integrity

Social media platforms, have become arenas where influence is currency, and as Isabel Miller's experience demonstrates, growing an audience to over a million followers is no mean feat. Miller shares, “Quality over quantity… consistency is super important.” She stresses the significance of creating content that resonates personally, sparking authentic connections with her audience.

Her success story is characterized by persistence, collaboration, and an unyielding commitment to, personal branding. As an aspiring, social media influencer, she navigates the digital space, Miller's insights serve as a blueprint for building a sustainable and impactful online presence without succumbing to the temptation of fitting into a pre-defined mold. The takeaway is clear: carve your niche, be persistent, and your unique voice will find its audience.

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Beauty standards: Managing Negativity and Criticism in the Public Eye

An inevitable aspect of heightened visibility is exposure to public scrutiny and unwarranted negativity. Isabelle's handling of negative feedback because of social media, beauty standards, offers concrete strategies for anyone in the public eye—ignore, engage, or block.  That is part of her, self love. She advises against internalizing external judgments, urging instead to consider the source and intent of the feedback. “It's up to us to give them chances or not give them those chances,” she asserts, advocating for self-preservation over appeasement.

Miller's personal policy of eliminating “rotten fruits” from her life underscores a profound understanding that self-respect must prevail above all else, especially when navigating the treacherous waters of, social media, engagement. These strategies can not only protect one's mental health but also safeguard the authenticity of one's, personal brand,  and, brand image.

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Leveraging Authenticity and Self-Respect

Isabelle Miller's conversation with Myrna Young offers a glimpse into the intertwined nature of, self love, personal branding, and confronting negativity in a social media-driven world. Her experience echoes a truth pertinent to anyone looking to leave their mark: sustenance of, self love, and integrity forms the cornerstone of enduring influence.

By embracing our individuality, persistently sharing content that aligns with our true selves, and managing criticism with grace, we open ourselves to genuine connections and personal growth. As we look ahead, let these insights nurture our relationship with ourselves and with our audience, reminding us that the journey to self-acceptance is as transformative as it is liberating.

Additional Resources

Chapters

Timestamp Summary
0:00:02 Introduction to the episode and guest, Isabel Miller
0:01:52 Tips for gaining a large following on social media
0:05:20 Overcoming challenges and rejection in the modeling industry
0:09:40 Balancing professional and self-taken photos on social media
0:11:16 Discussing the process and challenges of creating content for YouTube
0:14:20 The impact of big YouTubers on aspiring creators
0:15:14 Importance of supporting small and casual creators
0:16:10 Journey towards self-love and acceptance
0:16:24 Dealing with negative comments about appearance
0:17:51 Ruthlessly eliminating negativity from life
0:19:00 Holding people accountable for their actions
0:19:45 Importance of self-confidence and not tolerating negativity
0:22:20 Negative comments even for beautiful individuals
0:23:31 Defining self-love and its significance
0:23:47 Loving oneself beyond negative comments
0:24:18 The false sense of self-righteousness in online criticism
0:25:06 Envy and projecting inadequacies onto public figures
0:26:51 Handling negative comments on social media
0:27:33 Discerning valid criticism from baseless feedback
0:28:12 Don't believe negative comments, respond or ignore
0:29:30 Overcoming low self-esteem and negative thoughts
0:31:26 Breaking mental boundaries and limited mindsets
0:35:01 Enjoying self-expression and connecting with others
0:38:10 Encouragement and well wishes for listeners
0:39:24 Conclusion and call to action for support

What is The Type Of Woman Men Fall For?

What is the, type of woman men fall for? Drawing from conversations with Relationship coach Andre Parades, Coach Myrna discusses the qualities that make a woman irresistible to men and how women can, become the, type of woman any man wants to marry.

Drawing inspiration from a conversation between Jesus and a, Samaritan woman, coach Myrna emphasizes the importance of intelligence, confidence, independence, communication, kindness, self-improvement, positivity, and a sense of humor in attracting a partner and building a meaningful relationship. By focusing on self-improvement and fostering genuine connections, women can create a solid foundation for love and marriage.

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Introduction

In John chapter 4 Jesus has a great conversation with a, Samaritan woman. Because Jesus is Omniscience, which means all-knowing, he is aware of the past, present, and future. He told her she had 5 husbands and living with a man who she is not married to.

Society judges’ women who have a lot of husbands. It carries an element of shame to it. So today I want to flip that around and look at, why a man wants to marry a woman. 

First and foremost, what men want. Men are looking for, intelligent women. A woman who can talk on all topics and can have a stimulating conversation.

The Samaritan woman was such a woman. Jesus knew who she was before he sought her out to talk to her and on cue, she started the conversation by asking “So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship?

After that she started taking about the Messiah. Jesus said I am the Messiah.

So, ladies the message today is, Are you, the type of woman a man falls in love with? 

Here are some ways that you can prepare to shine when you are in the spotlight, when you too can tell your friends “I met a man”

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Podhero podcast

The Power of Becoming Irresistible to men

So what type of woman is an alpha male attracted to? In the intricate dance of love and relationships, there's no magic formula to make someone fall in love with you. However, there are certain qualities and behaviors that can enhance your attractiveness and create a solid foundation for a meaningful connection. Today, we will explore how you can become a woman any man wants to marry, the type of woman a man falls in love with,  by focusing on self-improvement and fostering a genuine connection.

Cultivate Confidence: Embrace Your Inner Strengths

To become, the type of woman a man falls in love with, you must have self-confidence.  Confidence is magnetic. Embrace your strengths, be comfortable with your flaws, by becoming flawesome and radiate self-assurance.  “Confidence not only makes you attractive, but it also creates an environment where others feel comfortable and inspired around you.” When you exude confidence, you become a beacon of positivity and allure and, the type of woman a man falls in love with. 

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

The type of woman men fall for: The Independent Woman

While partnership is essential in a marriage, maintaining individuality is equally crucial. As the transcript states, “A woman with a strong sense of self is not only attractive but also brings added depth to a relationship.” By pursuing your passions, having your own goals, and demonstrating a sense of independence, you become a well-rounded and captivating partner.

Prioritize Communication: The Key to Connection

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. As the transcript suggests, “Being able to communicate honestly and respectfully fosters understanding and strengthens the emotional bond between you and your partner.” By learning to express your thoughts and feelings openly and actively listening, you create a safe space for vulnerability and intimacy to flourish.

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

What men want: an Empathatic Woman

Kindness goes a long way in building lasting connections. Show empathy, be considerate, and prioritize compassion in your interactions.  “A woman who exudes kindness not only attracts a partner but also contributes to the overall well-being of the relationship.” By nurturing kindness and compassion, you create a nurturing and loving environment that fosters a deep emotional connection.

Invest in Self-Improvement: The Journey of Personal Growth

Continuously strive to grow and better yourself.  “Investing in yourself not only makes you more interesting but also demonstrates a commitment to personal growth that can be inspiring to others and make you attractive to men.” That is also the type of woman a player falls in love with. Whether it's through education, personal development, or acquiring new skills, investing in yourself showcases your dedication to self-improvement and adds depth to your character.

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The Power of Optimism: The type of woman a man falls in love with. 

Maintain a positive attitude and approach challenges with optimism. As the transcript states, “Positivity is infectious and can create a harmonious atmosphere in your relationship.” By embracing a positive outlook, you become a source of inspiration and support for your partner. A woman who can navigate life's ups and downs with grace is someone many men would aspire to have by their side and is, the type of woman a man falls in love with. 

Cultivate a Sense of Humor: The Joy of Laughter

Laughter is a powerful bonding tool. Cultivate a sense of humor, find joy in the little things, and share lighthearted moments with your partner. As the transcript suggests, “A woman who can bring joy and laughter into a relationship is sure to be cherished.” By embracing humor, you create a joyful and light-hearted atmosphere that strengthens the emotional connection between you and your partner.

Becoming the Type of Woman Men Fall for

Becoming a woman any man wants to marry, involves a combination of self-discovery, personal growth, and fostering positive qualities. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to love, by embracing your authenticity and cultivating these traits, you can create a foundation for a fulfilling and lasting relationship. Remember, the journey to becoming irresistible is not about changing who you are, but rather about embracing your unique qualities and continuously striving to be the best version of yourself.

As you embark on this journey, keep in mind the words of Jesus in his conversation with the Samaritan woman. He saw her for who she truly was, and she engaged him in a stimulating conversation. By embodying intelligence, confidence, independence, effective communication, kindness, self-improvement, positivity, and a sense of humor, you can become the woman any man wants to marry.

So, ladies, prepare to shine when you are in the spotlight, and one day, you too can proudly tell your friends, “I met a man.” The power to unlock the qualities that make you irresistible lies within you. Embrace it, nurture it, and watch as love and happiness find their way into your life.

Conclusion and Future Outlook: Type of woman men fall for

The journey to, becoming the, type of woman men fall for, is not a destination but a continuous process of, personal growth and self-improvement. As you navigate the complexities of love and relationships, remember to stay true to yourself, embrace your uniqueness, and never stop learning and evolving. By embodying the qualities discussed in this guide, you will not only attract the right partner but also create a strong foundation for a lifelong connection filled with love, understanding, and mutual respect.

Unlock the qualities that make you irresistible, and embrace the journey of becoming, the woman any man wants to marry. Your future awaits, filled with endless possibilities for love and happiness.

Additional Resources

Help Me Makeover My Marriage: Communication

Exploring Consciousness: Transform Your Life with Yoga

Exploring the link between consciousness and yoga and how to, transform your life with yoga.  In this post, Kim Tang, a yoga master,  shares her personal journey of discovering yoga and how it helped her forgive and, release past traumas. She explains that yoga is not just about physical postures, but also about cultivating, self-control, determination, patience, faith, and concentration.

Kim also discusses the role of chakras in our energy system and how they can provide messages about our consciousness. She emphasizes the importance of creating a field of trust and non-judgment to facilitate transformation in others. Kim's work includes teaching, how to transform your life with yoga, intuitive spiritual counsel, leading breathwork sessions, and facilitating, alchemy meditation.

Download the podcast here

https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13597873-exploring-consciousness-how-yoga-transforms-life.mp3?download=true

 

Key Takeaways:

  • Yoga is a journey through the self to the self and a spiritual practice. You can, transform your life with yoga, transform our minds, bodies, and relationships.
  • Chakras are energy centers in the body that hold different qualities of being and can provide messages about our consciousness.
  • Creating a field of trust and non-judgment is essential for facilitating transformation in others.
  • Alchemy is the process of transmuting energy and perceiving situations from a higher perspective to facilitate healing.

Bio and introduction to Yoga

When Kim Tang first discovered yoga, a fire was lit within her that has inspired her to inspire others, empowered her to empower others in their ability to expand and transform their minds, their bodies, their relationships with themselves, and the consciousness with which they conduct not only their practice, but their lives.

As an international reputed master, yoga teacher, and head coach of international yoga schools, means yoga, sports Federation, public speaker, intuitive, spiritual counselor, and breath work facilitator. Kim teaches, how to transform your life with yoga, leads trainings and seminars, teacher trainings, and holds private sessions, spiritual consults, retreats, and worldwide e learning online courses. She is here to equip you, empower you, and to support you in your expansion.

Myrna: Now, one of the other things that you mentioned is that in your bio is that our body sends us messages through yoga. So how do we decode these messages? We must in order to, transform your life with yoga.

Kim: We are at least what I'm going to call three layers of being. So if we are vibrational beings in a vibrational plane, what presents as our density is a compilation of thought identification on the causal plane. I know it's a lot to unpack, but let's just say that who you are, in truth is someone who, I'm going to say a spirit who has a precognitive agreement, something you've chosen to learn through, and that's overlaid with limiting beliefs and agreements made in fear.

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The body send us messages through emotions

And so we have these thoughts and beliefs, and they exist on a plane or a field called the causal field. And then you have another body or field called the astral field. And those are your, feelings and emotions. And your, feelings and emotions, are always in response to your thoughts and beliefs. And the body that houses your being and presents as your form is the reconciliation of the two. So any presentation of disease, injury, illness, diagnosis, and I am going to say even habitual tone and accidents can be interpreted as a message as to where your spiritual work lies in your life.

It's a little bit like a Louise Hay concept of you can heal your life, except a little like leveled up a little, a little more decipherable. So something that I could speak into, I think I already kind of did make a quick mention. And that is, for example, your hips. Structurally, your hips are your center of gravity and your seat of mobility. So you have this torso and it's suspended upon this pelvis. And the legs just animate the torso and the pelvis and hips represent spiritually your ability to move forward with major decisions in your life.

Right side with respect to masculine and left side with respect to feminine. And so there are messages that are decipherable. When you have problems with your hips, you're looking at like, where's the problem in my life with my ability to move forward? Knees typically determine which direction to go, and ankles are frequently representing, like, where are you hesitant? Where are you not allowing some claim you've made? Where do you feel tripped up, stuck and stopped?

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

How to interpret messages from the body

Shoulders represent your relationship with responsibility and your ability to trust the universe to take care of your needs. So, for example, do you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, or can you delegate? Can you trust yourself to carry your own load? There are a lot of messages that are decipherable. And I've been working so in this way that yoga's consciousness, when I teach, I teach what I call on every level of being. Otherwise, it's just gymnastics. Right. There's similarities in the postures.

So what I'm talking about is addressing this on the level of the mind, the causal field, the, feelings and emotions, the astral field, and the body, which is the reconciliation. So what happens most commonly is people have great imbalances in the body. Right sided, left sided, whatever it is. And yeah, I've become kind of masterful at the individual. I'm going to call it that very much of like a guru relationship with writing a specific prescription based on a specific body, with its specific presentation and all of those things.

Myrna: That's beautiful, right? And I've heard that I've had some guests on the show tell me that. I think I was talking about a marathon runner. Oh, no. I was talking the other day about the basketball game where Tatum hurt his ankle. And who I was speaking to is saying, if it's the right side, if the right ankle, then it means something. And I've heard people tell me that if I have pain in my tissues and my back, then it means something. So I understand what you're saying about our body sends us messages through the part of the body that are hurting or the messages that we're hurting.

So that's great. Now, I also want to circle back to something you said when you were telling us what happened, how you were able to forgive your mom. And that is like when you did the back bend and you opened up your, heart chakra. I know you mentioned the heart, right? Your, solar plexus chakra, and you use the breathwork that allowed you to free all the unforgiveness that you had for your mom. Now, let's talk about the chakras for a minute. First of all, what is a chakra? And I also see that you also do something that's called a chakra diagnosis.

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Coffee With Karina podcast

What is a chakra diagnosis

Chakras are, energy centers, in the body and these, energy centers, hold different I'm going to call it qualities of being. And I'm not just going to say human being because the higher chakras represent our connection to ourselves as divine beings. So the chakras are, energy centers, that possess or characterize our qualities of being and they are decipherable and discernible in the ways that we live our lives through, again, habits, behaviors, relationships. You can really tell where someone is open and free flowing and fully expressed and where someone is maybe sometimes they call it blocked, sometimes they call it underactive or overactive, but it's actually decipherable.

So that's the first thing. And if I were to say how was it that the breath played the key to opening the or turned the key to opening the chakras in that moment of forgiveness, the magic ingredient was the willingness and the readiness. I was ready and willing to let go. I understood that I wanted to, that I needed to, that I was intending to, I just didn't know how. And then I found it magically in a backbend with some deep breaths and it was able to release, frankly, because I let it.

And that actually becomes another important talking point that we might be able to get to. Oh, as a matter of fact it's now in the third question would be another good way to bring it in. I'm going to tell you that how do I do that for other people? I don't want to say it's funny, but now when people say to me, what do you do? That question, what do you do? I can't just say like, I'm a yoga teacher or all the other things I do. I facilitate alchemy meditation, alchemy of breath quantum healing, hypnosis technique, collaborative with yoga, sport, world global certification and teaching how to, transform your life with yoga.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How Yoga transforms life through consciousness

Myrna: So tell us about your work as a master yogurt teacher. What do you help your clients with? How do you help people, transform your life with yoga. Do you have course or anything that you do?

Kim: There are many things I do. I think I want to do some myth busting real quick. And that is that if people were to look at my website and look at my postures, they would immediately go, oh no, I'm not advanced enough. And that could be farther from the truth. Kind of the master teacher can take kind of like everyone the most scared, broken, stiff, calcified maybe with prosthetics 70 year old who's never done yoga before. I teach, yoga for beginners.

And then the 20 year old natural flexible bindi girl that wants to be a champion of the Asana Championships and have that broad range to be able to speak to everyone from the extremes. And I'm going to say and on every level of being. So first and foremost, I serve everyone, I teach, yoga for beginners. I serve in many different types of yoga. So I think the answer to your question is this a Venn diagram. Let me describe that for the listeners. Let's say, for example, that you have two circles and they're side by side and they're the same size and they come together so closely that they start to overlap and form an almond shape. Overlap in between.

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Podbean

The spiritual path and yoga

One side of that circle is all things yoga. One side of that circle is all things spirit. And not everyone who practices yoga knows that they're on a spiritual path and not everyone on a spiritual path actually does yoga. But there's this vast overlap where people are starting to understand that yoga is in fact the journey through the self to the self. That's how we, transform our life with yoga. It is the spiritual work, the spiritual reorganization of the five modifications of the mind, as well as just, self love, self acceptance, so that you have more love for humanity, more acceptance of humanity, and so on and so on.

So what I do in the way of yoga, if it's learning postures, I have an entire massive video platform on my website. I also do private sessions and those are for anything and everything. It's listed on my website. I also have three day in person events at our event center in Yucca Valley, which is the Joshua Tree area, the high desert of Southern California. So we have a private event center here for this healing arts and spiritual sciences. And I frequently have three day in person events.

And finally, I am a part of a global collaboration called Yoga Sport World. It's a teacher certification course that has satellites in Prague, Australia, Mexico City and Berkeley. And I'm a collaborator with some of the senior, most international teachers in the world. On the spirit side of that Venn diagram, I do intuitive spiritual counsel. I do, alchemy meditation, alchemy of breath, breath work, facilitation, quantum healing, hypnosis therapy. I lead an outsource spiritual study group and I do the podcast. And frankly, Myrna I consider these podcasts what I'm going to call Satsong.

And what that means is these are high level conversations with a high level agreement of a high level conversation. So I really resonate with the platforms that I accept the invitations. And so thank you for being that. Yeah. And all roads lead to the website. Kimtangyoga.com all right, that's easy.

Conclusion

Know, one of the people that I follow is two people, I should say SadhGuru and Deepak Chopra. And they all keep saying that yoga is not all about poses and stretches like the Western people call yoga. But yoga is a mind body consciousness connection, and it's our higher self. That's why we, transform our life with yoga. So that's basically what Kim was saying, that yoga leads you into consciousness and however you come into yoga, that's the same way I think that's what you said. That's the same way that you lead your life. So it's a consciousness that leads your life.

And then we talked about how the chakras are our energy system, and they send us messages regarding consciousness. This was a deep conversation. Then we end up talking about alchemy and, transmuting energy. Yeah. So each one of those little touches we could spend an entire hour talking on, right, kim because they're all so deep. So you guys are going to need more. So that's why you got to follow her and also go on our website so that you can get more. We just basically touched on it.

Thank you guys for tuning in to The Transforming Mind to Transform your life  radio podcast and television show. If you're listening to this on itunes, would love for you to rate and review. If you're watching on YouTube, I would love for you to subscribe, go over and support Kim on her work, know how to elevate your consciousness.

Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/how-raise-consciousness-miracles/

 

How to Deal With Rejection: Believing You Are The One

In this post coach Myrna shares 4 tips on, how to deal with rejection, and why you have to believe, you are the one. Rejection is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape the course of our lives. Even figures of historical and religious significance, such as Jesus and David, were not immune to the sting of rejection.
Jesus was rejected in his home town because the people said he is just a carpenter, the son of Mary.  We know his brothers and sisters and we’re deeply offended that he claimed to be the son of God
David was the least in his household. His father did not even call him when the prophet came to the house, he told the prophet those were all his sons until the prophet said the oil is not flowing for any of these men, so there must be another son, then the father said yes they’d is David but he is just a nobody.
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Introduction:

Rejection is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape the course of our lives. Even figures of great historical and religious significance, such as Jesus and David, were not immune to the sting of rejection. In this solo coaching session, I want to look at lessons on, how to deal with rejection, and lessons we can learn from rejection.  Also why you must believe that, you are the one. Remember Neo in the matrix? Once he believed he was the One he was invincible.
In examining the story of both Jesus and David’s rejection we gain insights into the nature of doubt, the complexities of identity, and the resilience required on, how to overcome rejection.

Jesus: Rejected in His Hometown

The story of Jesus' rejection in his hometown of Nazareth is a poignant reminder that familiarity does not always breed acceptance. Despite performing miracles and teaching with authority, Jesus faced skepticism and disbelief from those who had known him as a child. The people said He is just a carpenter, I know his mom and his brothers and sisters. Jesus commented “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town” captures the essence of, how to deal with rejection. Jesus' experience teaches us that our friends and even family members can reject you and not give you respect even when you are doing something extraordinary.

David: The Overlooked Anointed One

The story of David's anointing as king provides another example of the complexities of rejection and, how to deal with rejection.  When the prophet Samuel visited Jesse's household to anoint the future king of Israel, David's own father did not initially consider him a candidate. Instead, Jesse presented his older, seemingly more qualified sons. This oversight illustrates the limitations of human perception and the tendency to judge based on appearances rather than character or potential.

4 Lessons Learned from rejection

1. **The Power of Perseverance:** Both Jesus and David demonstrated remarkable perseverance in the face of rejection.  This is the first tip on, how to deal with rejection. They did not allow doubt or skepticism to deter them from their missions. Their stories remind us that setbacks can be stepping stones to greatness when met with determination.
2. **The Importance of Self-Belief:** Jesus and David both held strong convictions about their identities and callings.  This is tip #2 on, how to handle rejection, you have to believe that, you are the one.  Their unwavering self-belief allowed them to rise above the opinions of others and fulfill their destinies. They believed that they were the One. This underscores the significance of self-awareness and confidence in navigating challenges.
3. **Have an Open Mind:** The reactions of those around Jesus and David serve as a reminder of the, dangers of closed-mindedness. Rejection can stem from biases, limited perspectives, and societal norms. Embracing open-mindedness and being willing to see beyond the surface can lead to greater understanding and acceptance. Never judge the book by its cover.
4. **The Unpredictability of Purpose:** Both stories highlight the unpredictability of, divine purpose. The rejected stone can become the cornerstone, and the overlooked shepherd boy can become a mighty king. These narratives encourage us to remain open to the unexpected directions that our lives may take.

Conclusion:

The stories of Jesus' rejection in his hometown and David's overlooked anointing remind us that even the most revered figures faced doubt and rejection. These accounts offer valuable lessons about perseverance, self-belief, open-mindedness, and the unpredictable nature of purpose. By examining these narratives, we can draw inspiration to overcome our own challenges, embrace our identities, and navigate the complexities of rejection with grace and resilience.
Additional resources 

 

Carlee Russell: Attention Seeking Behavior

Was, Carlee Russell, attention seeking behavior, going too far for attention? Seeking attention, is a natural human desire, but it is essential to strike a balance and consider healthy ways to, seek attention, without compromising personal values or the well-being of others. Going too far to, seek attention, can lead to negative consequences, such as alienating others, damaging relationships, or even risking one's own life.

In this blog post coach Myrna looks at, attention seeking behavior, in adults and offer some alternative behaviors.

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Carlee Russell Attention seeking behavior

The story this week getting national attention is the story of, Carlee Russell, a 25-year-old Black nursing student who decided suddenly or maybe she has been fascinated about this for years, to fake her abduction. Police says that, Carlee Russell, googled the movie Taken and other abduction tips before calling 911 and saying she saw a 4-year-old walking on the highway and she was going to go investigate.

Social media was in an uproar.  Black activists, took to Instagram and Facebook to call for the same attention to finding, Carlee Russell, as they took to finding the rich White men who were lost in the submarine.

Then, Carlee Russell, showed up at her home 2 days later and tried to spin a story of how she was forced into an 18-wheeler truck and taken to a home where a man and a woman told her to get undressed and then took photos of her.

Carlee Russell Lied

After police started asking for details, she decided to come clean and confess that the story was a hoax and she lied about being kidnapped.

So today I want to look at, why adults seek attention.  We know that kids love attention and if they don’t get, positive attention, they resort to getting, negative attention.

For adults, attention-seeking behavior, is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the, center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration.

In the, Carlee Russell update, In a news briefing on Monday, Hoover Police Chief Nick Derzis said the department received a letter from Russell's attorney saying that she was never taken and that her report of a missing child on an interstate highway was false. No understanding of what was the purpose of this, attention seeking behavior.

What attention seeking behavior in adults may look like

Attention-seeking behavior, can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people.

Examples of, attention seeking behavior include:

  • Fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation
  • Being controversial to provoke a reaction
  • Exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy
  • Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or do it for you.

We know that saying something controversial gets you attention in the media and a lot of people seek attention this way, but for business reasons.

In the movie Barbie, there is a humorous section about women pretending not to know how to do things so as to get the attention from men who loves to show off that they could help.  That is a tactic to make men feel strong and protective.  I get that also.

Why did Carlee Russell Lied to seek attention

But why would Carlee want to pretend she was abducted? To me that sounds almost like a mass shooter filming himself killing people so he could get his picture in the news. If that was Carlee’s intent she succeeded.  Her pictures are plastered all over the news.

Getting attention for something that is a lie never works out.  We still live in a society with values and lying is something that is still not acceptable. This stupid act has ruined her life and shamed her family.

So, the next time you want to seek attention, try to get it by contributing to humanity or doing acts of kindness instead of engaging in, attention seeking behavior. That works out better for everyone.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Self Confidence: The Courage To Be You

 

Unlocking Fulfillment and Success: Debunking 4 Beliefs

In this post, Brandi Mechele debunks 4 commonly-held beliefs about fulfillment and success. Brandi shares that if we can loosen up our grip on these beliefs, we can begin to experience more fulfillment and success in our lives.

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Bio

Brandi is an intuitive and empowerment coach who spends her time guiding others and facilitating energy healing focusing on building the subconscious capacity. She has extensive experience working with high achieving female entrepreneurs, helping them align with financial success while staying through to their values and purpose.  Her clients might initially come to her to scale their business and make more money, but they leave with a deeper sense of fulfillment within their lives on a holistic level.

Myrna: Can you share your backstory, what led you to begin this work?  When did you notice a lack of fulfillment in your own life?

Brandi:  I was raised as many people are to be very goal oriented.  My parents were amazing in helping me to chart my course and set lots of goals, and I was very fortunate to be someone who excelled at many things; so, I had an impactful career in the corporate world. I escalated to being a VP covering the United States and Canada. I was a national caliber athlete in college and tried out for the Olympics and so I realized that I had checked all these boxes. I live in an amazing city, in a home of my dreams with a family. I had always had this idea that if you checked all the boxes, achieved all your goals that happiness would be kind of the outcome and unfortunately that's just not true.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Fulfillment does not come from success

I think many people come to realize that they've had the success that they've dreamed of and not been able to align any of with this inner fulfillment and inner purpose, and so I took a step back and said you know what's missing.  I concluded that happiness needs to be its own goal, it needs to be its own purpose in your life, and that when you focus on happiness as a goal versus an outcome, that's really when you align with your purpose and find and find true fulfillment.

That's when I took a pivot in my life and got to the place where I am here today with you.

Myrna:  I've heard this story so many times, in fact my very first coaching client when I became a coach was someone with a similar story to yours. She wasn't looking for happiness she was looking for this inner fulfillment and she quit her job and became a coach because most people get more fulfillment when they serve.

I want to circle back to when you said that happiness shouldn't be an outcome of a goal that happiness should your only goal.  I can't leave that alone so how do we how does someone listening set the course to have happiness be their goal?

Brandi: I believe fundamentally that when you have high Achievers that it's really easy to make happiness a goal because they're used to aligning to goals and really  knocking it out of the park. So through my own work with myself which took place over many years prior to becoming a coach,  developed a four-step process that I call B.A.S.E and I think it's foundational to everyone's life.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

What are your limiting beliefs

B – is about beliefs. What beliefs do you have? Especially the ones that are limiting in nature and how have you gotten to that place as it pertains to happiness.  The reason I use happiness versus fulfillment is because I think that  you have to be happy to be fulfilled.  If you're not happy, if you're fulfilled you'll always be happy and if you're unhappy you'll never be fulfilled.

So happiness is oftentimes easier for people to align to than fulfillment because fulfillment feels so big like what is my purpose, what am I meant to do. But if we think of life as these moments and every single moment we're seeking happiness and ultimately we'll live this really full life that has a sense of purpose, has the service that you mentioned.

So the B really is about like what are those beliefs that are precluding that from happening.

Are in alignment for happiness

A –  is alignment, vibrational alignment.  What does happiness look like to you like oftentimes you ask people that question and they just don't know, they're like I don't know what makes me happy.  They might think you know if I get married I'll be happy, if I have a big house I'll be happy, it's usually types of goals.

What does it take for you to be aligned? So we spend some time around that and then self-awareness really because ultimately we are co-creating our reality in every single moment.  I think oftentimes we talk about manifestation as this idea of like I'll manifest a husband, a house, weight loss.  I'll manifest all of these things, but when you take a step back from that and realize that  your entire life is a manifestation not just the good things and then you really take back your own power.

S – Self- awareness because we create situations that pulls us out of homeostasis.  We return to that same place over and over again and so that's really what the self-awareness allows us to do, because once we create awareness we can move out of searching to really having kind of this path to our our destiny.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Emotional regulation is key to happiness

E  – is about, emotional regulation, and that really is the biggest of them all,  any moment of unhappiness is really correlated to this origin story that we have. Emotional regulation,  is a term generally used to describe a person's ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience. There are times in our lives when we were probably really little where we were given these ideas about who we were.  Our identity and how we showed up in the world and oftentimes we're looping around those situations.  It can be Big T trauma it can be Little T trauma, but the goal is really to keep the memory of our experiences of our childhood.

So I believe that B.A.S.E is foundational to our lives and once we are able to harness kind of those four pillars we're really going to Skyrocket from there and live a life that's a good path

Myrna: I love it but as I'm listening to you I remember I've done lots of episodes on happiness including the happiness formula.  Everybody's end goal in life is to be happy and you're right  it's a little different from fulfillment.

Fulfillment vs happiness

Brandi: I was happy, I had the husband of my dreams, I had this beautiful child, I'd won many many awards in my corporate career, I always ran sales teams and I never finished below the top 15.  So I had this body of work that was everything I ever dreamed of, I was a little girl from Detroit so I didn't have this idea that my life could be so big and so vast.

I sat there in my happiness and I said but there's still something missing.

Myrna: That happens to so many successful people. You said in your bio that  people come looking for money because they believe it will bring them happiness but find fulfillment instead.

Brandi:  Success doesn't equal happiness.

Myrna:  I'm reading a book now by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now and Then in there he talks about goals. Goals in clock time and psychological goals. Clock goals is just saying by the time I'm 30 I'm going to be married.   That means that your happiness or fulfillment is tied to this goal.  A, psychological goal, is always moving.  The target is always moving so that's that's one way to put it, but  you hit the nail right on the head.  Happiness is fleeting.

Beliefs and self worth

Myrna: How do you teach your clients to find this happiness end goal?

Brandi: B.A.S.E  is the foundational practice around beliefs. Two of the beliefs you have to have is that you are worthy of having the life that you're seeking, and so say to people all the time that if you show me your life, I'll show you what you think you're worthy of having.  So self-worth is like really pretty straightforward.

Myrna: So let's circle back to a couple of things, you're correct self-worth and self-love they're two big things that we package them together here for Simplicity; but  self-worth and self-love  is what the what has been communicated to them and it's usually in childhood or early adulthood.  Somebody looked at you and and called you ugly and you carry around this beliefs that you are ugly all your life.

Those are great practices to build your happiness capacity as well as you know building your your self-worth and your self-love so so that's awesome all right so let's focus a little bit now on um some of the, limiting beliefs, that, black women, have that stops them from feeling fulfilled?

Brandi:  Specifically in communities where black or brown communities you'll find that you have three generations that are in the same Financial circumstances. Nobody breaks out and I believe one of the reasons to show us about mindset is because in order for you to break out you have to have a different mindset, you have to have a different set of beliefs.

Having the right mindset for success

You have to have the mindset of I want to be successful. It's all about mindset and when you get the mindset right then you start challenging the beliefs.  You're challenging beliefs that says women can never do this.

Myrna: I was born poor and I know what a, poverty mindset, is.  If you have a, poverty mindset, you really can never be wealthy because even if you have the money you'll still be rich with  a, poverty mindset.  My whole work, my whole philosophy is about changing your mindset because once you change your mindset, you can have your dreams become a reality.  The Bible teaches do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Conclusion

Tell us about your B.A.S.E coaching program and your framework. How can  listeners get in touch with you talk about your website your social media handles.

Brandi: I appreciate that Myrna, I publish a free journal on the first and 15th every month and you can find that on my website www.brandimechele.com I am just on the precipice of launching a group coaching program and you can also go to my website and sign up there to be informed about that group coaching. If you were interested in working with me one-on-one or with the membership coaching and then if you were interested in working with me one-on-one or in the group you can also find that on my website so and all my handles are @Brandi Mechele on Instagram as well as on Facebook so I'd love to connect with your listeners and hear from them.

Please sign up for Brandi's 4-week program & her container program here:”
Additional Resources

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

The Power Of Personal Branding and Creating First Impression

Are you tired of your current image? Are you struggling to find a new, more confident you? Then this blog is for you. In this podcast episode, Keri Blair, personal stylist and image consultant, teach some of the basic principles of personal branding, and how you can use them to transform your image.

By following these techniques, you'll increase your confidence and create a stronger personal brand. Whether you're looking to get ahead in your career or just feel happier with your personal brand, this podcast episode is for you! By following these simple tips, you can start to change the way people see you, and make a real impact on your life by creating lasting first impressions!

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Bio

Keri Blair is a, personal stylist, and, image consultant, with a one-of-a-kind approach and she prides herself in making a profound difference in people's lives with her work. Keri and her team are known as a secret weapon and our trusted advisors to their extensive clientele across the country, she has over 20 years of experience styling executives and high profile clients drawing upon her experience inside of the world most dynamic and beautiful cities including New York, Los Angeles, Paris and Milan. I guess those are all the fashion capitals of the world

Myrna: how did you become a, personal stylist, and, image consultant?

Keri:  I started my business over 20 years ago and before then I was doing sales. I was traveling the country selling a variety of things and I noticed that I couldn't dress the same way when I was selling in a board room in New York City as if I were in Texas. So that kind of started me on my journey. I thought wow wait a minute they're not listening to me here when I dress like this, but if I dress like this.

I would take breaks from my sales career and I would go work at Nordstrom for six months and then I would go back into my sales career and then I would take a break and go work at Neiman Marcus for six months and during that time what I realized was a lot of people didn't feel great about how they looked.

Neurocycle App
Neurocycle App

Personal styling and personal branding is based on how you feel about yourself

I think that's safe to say that the majority of people don't feel right on any given day. I thought if people weren't so busy tugging at their pants and wondering how they looked, they could make a bigger difference in the world. They could make more money, they could have better relationships, and their confidence would go through the roof. That's really why I started this business, it had nothing to do with fashion for me it was really about making people feel unbelievable and empowering them to be their best selves.

Myrna: Yes, I remember as a salesperson wanting to look successful and make that good, first impression.  I remember you know worrying about your purse and your suit and getting the right colors like the power colors and all that. I can understand what you're saying where you know if you're New York then you've got to have the suit and the briefcase, but then when you go to Texas maybe it's a little bit laid back.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

Finding Personal branding in retail stores

What did you learn about personal branding from working at Neiman Marcus?

Keri: I learned that, personal style, isn't just about body issues it's about how we feel about ourselves.  I mean we're human beings and we've got some issues right that's why that's why you and I have a job right right it goes deeper than our bodies,  but when you hire a stylist we can  camouflage what you don't love about your body and accentuate what you do love about your body.

In fact I go a lot deeper with my clients. I help them transform their relationship with their body, before you even put the clothes on. What's your relationship with your body because for the most part we punish ourselves. Sometimes my size zero or size two clients are harder on themselves than my size 26 clients.

I don't even know where we learned that from. I think it's at a very young age we start being critical and hard on our bodies and then we don't know how to dress them and we kind of a dysfunctional view of ourselves. When you have the a great outfit on, it does make you feel more confident about your body.

Personal branding and image

Myrna: How does, personal branding, and image connect?

Keri: A lot of people don't know what I mean by, personal branding, but it's just like branding for a company. When you're branding your company you are very specific about the font they use and the color that they use and the people that they'll let represent their brand right? Companies spend millions of dollars on branding, but when it comes to us as human beings a lot of human beings are not thinking through what's my, personal brand, they're just getting dressed hoping that it works.

It takes less than three seconds to make a, first impression, and we've all heard that over and over right you never get a second chance to make a great, first impression, and it doesn't matter that we've heard it over and over again people are not doing anything about it. But if you can take control of your, first impression, you specifically design it and then have your wardrobe match it, then miracles happen in your life. Because what people see is what you want them to see so for instance if you want to be known as an expert in your field, successful, polished and sophisticated you've got to dress that part right.

That's why, personal branding, and, first impression, are so imperative because people are seeing you from across the room and they're making split-second judgments on your image. They're not trying to be superficial, it's just we live in such a fast-paced society you have to make up your mind instantly and you may be turning people off that you really want to get to know.  I think it's so important to take control of how the world sees you.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Designing Your image and personal brand

Myrna: How do you teach your clients to be authentic to their image and, personal brand?

Keri:  So the first step is figuring out what you want your, personal brand, so I go really in depth with people. It is your, personal brand, so what do you want people to know about who you are when they first look at you. So what are your best qualities on the inside that we want to shine through to the outside for people to see.

Myrna: What can female podcasters wear for, personal branding? The men are wearing t-shirts. I wear clothes that create the personal branding image of being on the Today’s Show or any other television talk show.

Keri: You can go in five different directions here, so I love what you're doing, because I believe that why you're doing that is because you are stepping into the role that you're playing as a podcast host. What's interesting to me is I think through the pandemic right people got super casual. That is when it probably happened that people started wearing t-shirts or their sweatpants.   I work with a lot of CEOs and Executives that also fell prey to that casual wear, but I try to get them to see how it is affecting their personal branding.

I can tell like you the way that you're dressed today in this gorgeous yellow shirt and your colorful necklace you just look stunning and you you vibrate happiness and joy and sophistication and that's important that is, personal branding.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Confidence and personal branding

Myrna: Thank you  You talked about confidence and how it affects your, style confidence, so how does, personal branding,  connect your confidence level?

Keri:  So we all start our morning in the exact same way, which is we go to our closet and put clothes on and based on what you choose your confidence either goes up or it goes down right?  That's why it's so important to have a style that's yours and that you love and that feels great because then instantly your confidence level goes up.

Myrna:  How do you teach people to take their image and, personal branding, to the next level?

Keri: Great question, I think is under asked so the first thing is what I talked about earlier which is designing your first impression. So instead of getting dressed in a haphazard way, because something could look good on you that doesn't fit your first impression. Since you know who you are on the inside, and what you want others to know about you through how you are on the outside that's where you really want to begin.

How to Create a Great First Impression

So what is your, first impression, I have this whole process I walk people through.

  • Get to know your body
  • learn to love your body that's a tough one for people but I have exercises that I walk people through so that they can transform their relationships with their body
  • then know your colors. Know what colors look great on you. Color has a certain vibration so even if you have on this amazing outfit  that looks awesome and if it's the wrong color then it didn't work right.
  • the next step is going through your closet and getting rid of clothes that don't serve you, that no longer match your vibration. That no longer match your, first impression, or they no longer fit you. Get rid of the Clutter. I'm a big Advocate that if you want to accomplish big things in life you have to remove what doesn't serve you.

Most people only wear 25 % of what's in their closet, but then we're dealing with all of the clutter every morning. Instead fill your closet with clothes that represent your personal brand, clothes that make you feel unbelievable, look gorgeous, and nail your, first impression. Then only buy things that light you up and that make you feel great and that match your, personal brand.

Myrna: so how does somebody say well this is my brand and this is the type of clothes that fits my brand I know we talked about the fact that you know we we're bringing how we feel on the inside out like for me yes I'm very bubbly and effervescence and I like color and I have dark skin and those things and you know when I choose an outfit I'm looking for color and I'm looking for shape and I'm looking for certain things that I know works for me um but I wouldn't go as far as saying it's my brand so put that in a little box for us how do we find a, personal brand?

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

How to establish your personal brand

Keri:  I tell people to come up with three to five adjectives that best describe who you are and what you want other people to know about you and sometimes that's the hardest question I ever asked someone, because you'd be amazed how many people can't answer that question. So you've got to do some work and ask yourself what do I really want people to know about me in the first three seconds?

Creating a great, first impression, might even be faster now, but in those first glances where I can't shake their hand, I can't smile, I can't do anything. What do I want to have them know about who I am?  Once you can come up with three to five adjectives, that's your first step in, personal branding. You should come up with those adjectives, then go through your closet and try things on and ask does this express those adjectives?

If it doesn't get rid of it. Don't keep it around. This process takes some people a while so I've had people do fun exercises to help them clean out their closet. I just did a mastermind and one of the exercises I had people do was once you create your, first impression, of your, personal brand, get on Pinterest and play around with it.  Look and see what's your, first impression, of others, because sometimes when we see it in others, that helps us see it in ourselves.

Your Curated Style Couse

Myrna: Let's talk about your course, you have a six week course that's called “Your curated style” can you take people through what they can expect in this course.

Keri: Thank you, so um after working almost 21 years with Executives and CEOs, I thought it was a shame that only wealthy people or people that had a lot of money could hire me. I have a unique system that I know changes people's lives, so I spent a year figuring out how to transform people's lives from there homes.

I designed your curated style it's a six-week course and I walk you through what I walk all my clients through and it's life-changing. I work with you on how:

  • To design your, first impression,
  • I work with you on transforming your relationship with your body, what colors are good for your image.
  • How to edit your closet
  • Then we go shopping. I'll tell you designer names. I'll tell you stores and again I have clients on all different budgets and all different sizes, so I run the gamut.  You don't have to worry about something not working for you.
  • Then we do accessorizing and makeup.

Conclusion personal branding and style

I  cover it all, so that at the end of six weeks you can be the brand that you want to be, and it's so inspiring people really have produced the same results as if they worked with me one-on-one.  That's a real fulfillment for me.

Myrna: That's awesome, how can people get in touch with you? How can they sign up for your course?

Keri:  So the course is yourcuratedstyle.com. Please see links below.

Additional Resources

How to Heal After being Abandoned

Being, abandoned, by  a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment.  It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient.  In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.

Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.

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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:

  • Devalued and rejected by others
  • Abandoned, by our parents
  • Feelings of, not good enough,  because we have lack.

When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same.  There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.

Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.

Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry.  With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.

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Oh, and if you struggle with procrastination, go to planning.productivepurpose.com to download your free “Planning for Procrastinators” guide. It's time to start walking in our purpose, y'all.

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Abandoned, by Love

Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again.  This pattern is repeated often.

Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.

It takes work to heal your cracks.  The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.

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Identifying your, Abandonment, Feelings

Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:

  1. Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind.  You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
  2. Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
  3. In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
  4. Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.

In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.

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How the, Abandonment,  wound plays out in relationships:

  • Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
  • Overreacting to conflict
  • Becoming a pleaser
  • Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
  • Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
  • Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
  • Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
  • Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
  • In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.

An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.

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Additional Resources Abandonment

https://myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-effects-of-childhood-trauma-4147640

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201706/4-ways-childhood-trauma-impacts-adults

 

 

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

How do, Single Women over 40, find the love they want? How do they prepare themselves in the meantime while waiting on, Love.  Where do they find, single men?

Single women, who are believing God for a partner, can enhance their in the meantime experience by having the right mindset on why they want a partner, what are the best watering holes to find a partner and how to renovate, Love's house, so that it is ready for Love.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Finding Love Introduction

I think the best, dating advice, is that when, Love's House, is fully ready for, Love, the right partner will appear.

Dating advice, for, finding love again

  1. Work on being the best you.

Become clear on your strengths and the areas that needs improvements

Eg. Are you a good housekeeper or a good cook; but you lack self-esteem and self-confidence? Then work on improving your self -confidence

  1. Advice for single women, Be clear on why you want a partner
  • Do you want a partner for security or to help pay your bills?
  • Do you want a partner because it is culturally acceptable to be married or in a relationship?
  • Are you looking for a partner to complete you?
  • Or Are you looking for a soulmate and equal partner to share your life?
  • The last one was the perfect answer. Many, single women, and some, single men, are out there looking for a partner that contributes something to their lives; but never consider what they are bringing to the table.  Why would someone choose you?
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Where do you, single women over 40, meet, single men?

The reason that so many, single men, and, single women, are still single is because it is hard to meet people.

Here are the most popular Watering holes for the, single woman.

  1. Church
  2. Bars
  3. Gym
  4. Sports events
  5. Networking events
  6. House parties
  7. Work

Most Christian, single women, would love to meet their spouse or partner in the church; but that is rare because most, single men, in church are using the church as their watering hole!

Bars are the most popular place for, single women under 40,  to meet a man; but here is some, dating advice. Bars have become hookup places for casual sex with no commitment; but in every scenario there are exceptions to the rule and you can, find love,  at a bar.

My daughter had the perfect combination, she met her Fiancé in a club; but he was also from her church!

I met my husband on a train. He was the officer who checked for tickets. The train is definitely not a watering hole; but soul mates will attract each other like a magnet in any place. Gas stations, parking lots, grocery stores, bus stop, anywhere!

I have met past boyfriends at a car wash, by friend introduction, Dance club, school, bus stop, train, and work and they were all committed relationships.

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Finding love again, on Dating Sites

The newest place for, single women, to meet, single men, now are dating sites. The good thing about dating sites is that everyone on the site has the same goal, to meet a partner, or to start, dating, again.

As a realtor I love FSBO (For sale by owner) because they already want to sell their homes.  I don't have to convince them to sell, only that I am the right agent to sell their homes. Same with the dating site. You don't have to convince anyone to have a committed relationship, only that you are the one they are looking for.

Dating sites are tough if you are, finding love after a heartbreak, because it would be hard to trust. They are great for, single women over 50, because these women are not in the clubs or other social events.  They are home on their computers.

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My co-host today is Arifah Yusuf, a registered social worker and mental health counselor.

Arifah from a mental health perspective what can, single women, do to make sure they are sending the right vibes to a potential mate? Let’s say they meet someone at one of the many watering holes?

  • It’s really challenging sometimes, when it comes to giving off the right vibes, as different people enter spaces with their own intentions and interest.  It’s important for those that identify as women, to be mindful of their expectations and also have personal boundaries for themselves and others, so when engaging in conversations with, single men,  they can better be aware of the right vibes vs negative vibes, from themselves and others interacting with.  Some key tips, I would give are:
  • Before you try, finding love again, get to know yourself first and understand your past relationships (what worked/ didn’t work). This will help you get ready for a relationship, as you will be better able to recognize what you are looking for and if that relates to signs of a healthy relationship.
  • Some,  dating advice, Go to spaces where you may find someone with similar interest like you, somewhere that you feel comfortable and exudes positive energy. Most likely, you will attract  like minded, single men,   that will give off similar positive energy.
  • Be assertive and clear when communicating. Engage in conversations to discover common interest, identify personal traits.
  • When, dating, be open to new experiences.
  • Know your boundaries and if you feel someone is not respecting them, have your exit and safety plan ready.

These are some of the, dating advice, I would tell  my, single women, clients to keep in mind when thinking about meeting a, single man.

Where did you meet your husband?

  • Arifah says she met her  husband Kevin Mortley while I was working in the entertainment industry as a promoter.  He was also involved in the industry, promoting concerts for artist, and a graphic designer.  He reached out to me online and we had a conversation over the phone.

How do, Single Women, prepare, Love's House?

Almost 20 years ago, I read a book by Iyanla Vanzant called” In the meantime, finding yourself and the love you want”

The concept of this book is prepare yourself and your life for love while waiting in, Love's House.

One of the first things I remembered she said was to,

  • Start by living your, single life, like you are already in a relationship.
  • Park on your side in the driveway or garage,
  • Sleep on your side of the bed. Etc.
  • Let the Laws of Attraction work on, finding love again.

You are making room for a partner. But the synopsis of the book is to look at your, single life,  as a 3 story house, complete with a basement and an attic.

She calls this house, Love's House. Loving yourself in the meantime while you are waiting on, finding love again.

In the basement of, Love’s House, you are pretty miserable. You are hurting, lonely and disillusioned. Your emotions are blame, anger, and fear. But the basement is also a place for healing. For understanding yourself. If you don't fix yourself in the basement, you will carry that baggage and hurt into your next relationship.

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Arifah how do you help, single women, heal from hurt and blame?

  • Finding love after heartbreak, first fdentify and validate the pain.
  • Express yourself –Talking to a trust friend, family member or counselor is often a good way to soothe painful emotions and support healing.
  • Self care – take a break and find time for things you enjoy or would like to try (creative activities, manicure, hairstyles, movies, journaling, baking etc.)
  • Learn from it – An attitude of learning will help you discover value in the experience. You may also discover a curious new freedom: recovering from an emotional trauma or heartbreak makes you stronger, wiser and more resilient.
  • Reinvest in your new reality. Set goals and write down the steps and supports you need to begin working on them. Spark new energy and interests into your life, to find purpose and love of something else.

On the first floor of , Love's House, you are no longer miserable and is able to look objectively at why you attract the people in your life that you do. Who are let’s say are emotionally unavailable, abusive, unsupportive etc.

On the second floor of, Love's House, single women, Love’s house is where you change the dialog from victim to player. You educate yourself to play. You read books on, finding love again, you listen to podcasts on relationships, you start improving yourself, you become the picture card that everyone man wants.

The most important, dating advice  for, single women, on the second floor is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are enough and any man should be happy to have you. Say it until you believe it if you need convincing.

The third floor of, Love's House,  is when, single women,  are living the, single life, and loving who you are as a, single woman. Content with herself, whole, needing no man to complete her. She is confident, self-sufficient,  courageous and beautiful inside and out.

The top floor is the Attic

In the attic, single women, showers themselves with unconditional Love. Single women over 40,  are able to receive the love of, single men. This is where you will begin to attract the perfect partner because negativity, does not live here.

You know what you want and, who you seek is also seeking you!

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/acfds-6b7e1/Transform-your-Mind-Podcast

Arifah What, dating advice, you have for, single women, through the phases  of finding themselves in, love's house.

  • Make sense of your past

In order to thing about, finding love, first uncover who we are and why we act the way we do, we have to know our own story 

  • Differentiate

Differentiation refers to the process of striving to develop a sense of ourselves as independent individuals. In order to find ourselves and fulfill our unique destinies, we must differentiate from destructive interpersonal, familial and societal influences that don’t serve us.

  • Seek meaning

In order to find ourselves and, finding love after a heartbreak, we must all seek out our own personal sense of purpose. This means separating our own point of view from other people’s expectations of us. It means asking ourselves what our values are, what truly matters to us, then following the principles we believe in.

  • Recognize your personal power when, finding love again

When we know what we want, we are challenged to take power over our lives.   We are accepting ourselves as a powerful player in our own destiny. Harnessing our personal power is essential to both finding and becoming ourselves

  • Single women over 50, must silence their critical inner thoughts

This destructive thought process can be made up of a judgmental attitude that tells us we aren’t good enough to succeed or don’t deserve what we want or a soothing-seeming attitude that tells us we don’t have to try or that we need to be taken care of or controlled.

  • Know the value of friendship with, single men

We can seek out people who make us happy, who support what lights us up and who inspire us to feel passionate about our lives. Being friends while, dating, gives you the opportunity to learn things about the person that you may not have learned otherwise

Story of a, single woman, finding love after a heartbreak

In the last episode, I mentioned that I would love the listeners to join my Life coach group on Facebook.  They could ask questions and have myself and other members give them, dating advise.

Here is a question from Mari.  Her husband died last year and she wants, dating advice,  on how to start over. What should she look for in a mate?

As a, life coach, I think that, single women,  starting over or starting out, dating, again should have a list of what they want in a man.

  • It should go deeper than tall, dark and handsome!
  • You should have common interests,
  • be equally yoked,
  • have the same standard of living,
  • same religion,
  • similar sex drive.
  • The list could be lengthy and you are not going to get every thing on  your list but you are shooting for 80%.

Arifah What's your, Dating Advice, for Mari

Hi Mari, its never easy after a significant loss, or, finding love after heartbreak. There is no starting over, as your husband will still play a role in your lifestory. Moving forward, you want to know what type of role that will be, maybe its pictures in a photo album or another memory keepsake. You need to figure this out, before you move forward, as sometimes we feel guilty, which is normal; but its apart of the grieving process, allow yourself to acknowledge that is what it is and determine what new reality are you hoping for in seeking a mate.

You can start with figuring out what you want, create a love resume for yourself in terms of what would characteristics, interests, you are looking for in that, single man.  Once that's done, you are half way there to having a mindset and discovering possible spaces or friends your potential mate may visit.

I also got a question on my website. www.myhelps.com/contactus

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

This is a question from our last episode. We talked about fear and courage in our last episode.

How Do I handle the fear of, Dating, Steffy from India. Writes.

All I know is that I've a great fear. I've some kind of burden in my mind and I am not able to figure it out. I am a, single man,  I wake up in the middle of night and I have these panic attacks and stuff, tried meditation; but I am not able to concentrate. I need advice on, dating. Finding love again. The more I try the more I lose my hopes and start feeling worthless. Please help.

Since this is a mental health question I will let Arifah answer this one.

Hi Steffy, thank you for sharing your lived experience with fear.  It sounds like it is impacting your daily routine and ability to accomplish meaningful goals, such as, finding love. I want to say its common for people that are experiencing anxiety to lose hope, but you not worthless and help is available.

It may be helpful to monitor your daily routine and meals for the day, for example, stress/sugar and caffeine can increase anxiety.   Make an appointment to see your family doctor or at a clinic if you are able too, to share how you are feeling emotionally and physically.  Your doctor can provide professional advice to best help you.

In regards to fear of speaking to, single women, it’s helpful to practice writing down what you want to say, then reading it to yourself out loud or in front a mirror.  If you have friends/family you feel comfortable around and that are supportive, you can also practice public speaking in front of them first to get comfortable before larger crowds.

Breathing exercises and drinking water/herbal teas can be helpful in calming the nerves.  As well, watching videos or reading books from motivational speakers, that may offer tips you may find helpful.

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Additional Resources

How I Divorced My Imaginary Husband (and Got the Man of My Dreams)

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

https://myhelps.us/surviving-r-kelly-mindset-sexual-predator/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://news.abs-cbn.com/entertainment/03/28/17/erich-gonzales-im-enjoying-my-single-life

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/the-reality-of-life-as-a-single-mom/

https://www.scarymommy.com/dating-a-single-mom/

 

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

So What is, self- confidence? How do we define, self- confidence, and what does it look like?

Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.

Today's episode is supported by Columbus Financial.  Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com

In Today's #podcast  Arifah and I are talking on the topic of How to build, Self-confidence, we want to  shed some light on one of the top struggles of , African American women,  self-confidence,

In the co-host chair today is registered, social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf.

What is Self-Confidence?

The most important thing to remember about, self- confidence, is that we were born with it. It is our natural state.

How many of you remember your play days as kids? As a child I was always the doctor or teacher.

Boys have no fear. They would climb to the tallest point in their home, put on a cape and jump! They were Superman!

So I would define, self- confidence, as certainty. Confident and certain that you are able to handle your job, your family, social events and personal relationships.

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How do you build, self-confidence?

Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.

But a large percentage of, African American women,  and men suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, because of negative input from parents, peers, and loved ones.

Usually centered on their intellect, the color of their skin, their hair, their lips, their butt, the section of town they live, their lack of designer clothing, and the list goes on.

It is important to note that lack of, self-confidence, always comes from negative comments that you believe. If you don't let these negative comments in, they will never take root and grow.

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Here is a story showcasing how a lack of, self-confidence,  usually starts.

A surgeon opened his office one day and found a tall black man in the waiting room. He was six feet four inches tall and towered over the surgeon. He complained about his lip. You see his underlip protruded out from his top lip. His girlfriend told him she was ashamed to be seen in public with him because of his ugly lip; so he came to the surgeon to get it fixed.

The surgeon told him there was nothing wrong with his lip, it was just a minor protrusion. The black man insisted on getting it fixed; so the surgeon gave him an outrageous price of $1200 hoping he would go away.

He did, he said that he didn't have that kind of money. But lo and behold, he came back the next day with a little black bag in his hand. He dumped the contents on the table. Bills poured out, his life savings; $1200 worth!

The doctor was shocked. He didn't want to deprive the man of his life savings so he made him an offer. He agreed to do the surgery for a smaller fee on the condition that he tell his lady love that he paid $1200 for the surgery.

The operation was simple enough and one week later all the bandages came off and the man had a smaller lip he was proud of. All the surgery was done inside the lip so he had no visible scars except for a small scar inside the lip. The man was happy, he strode from the doctor’s office full of, self-confidence, A commanding figure. Tall, black and proud.

However a few weeks later he was back in the surgeon’s  office. His body seemed to have shrunk, his hands lost their strength, his voice squeaked. The doctor asked him what happened to him.

He said “the African Bug, sir. It got me and it's killing me”

He told the doctor after he removed the bandages he went to see his lady love. She loved his lip and asked him how much he paid for the surgery.  When he told her $1200, she became enraged and cursed him saying she could have used that $1200 and accused him of hiding the money from her. She cursed him and told him he would die.

Deeply troubled and hurt, the man laid in his bed for 4 days worrying  about this curse that was going to kill him. Then running his tongue around, he discovered the horrible thing inside his mouth. He went to see a medical doctor who checked his mouth and confirmed that “the slimy African bug was stuck inside his mouth and it was indeed killing him.

The surgeon looked at this diminished and fearful man and asked him “Is it really in your mouth?”

“Yes sir,” the man said “the doctor tried to help get rid of it with liquids, pastes and potions – but nothing worked. The curse is too strong”. It’s burned inside my lip.

“Your lip?”

“Yes sir” the man said

“You didn't say lip before”

The doctor ran his finger at the back of the man's lip and told the disbelieving man that “the bug” was no more than scar tissue from his surgery.

The disbelieving man looked up in wonder and asked “then there is no African bug?”

The man stood up. Instantly he seemed to have regained his full height and strength. A rich smile spread over his face and his voice boomed out again. His, self-confidence, had returned.

The moral of this story is that you can’t get your, self-confidence, from other people. You have to take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and deal with them on your own terms.

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Let's bring Arifah into this, self-confidence, conversation. Arifah is a, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health issues. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.

Arifah I am sure that a large population of your clients suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, Why do you think that is?

I think there are many reasons young people lack, self-confidence, I often work with young people who experienced unhappy childhoods or maybe their parents neglected them in some way or they weren't involved much in their lives.

Also I'd say lack of, self -confidence, sometimes comes from negative input from teachers or authority figures in their lives. Sometimes teachers have a way of saying things that discourage young people.  Making them feel inadequate made and like they couldn't be successful.  That kind of influenced how they feel about themselves and their, self-confidence, I'd also say young people who have experienced trauma or bullying from their peers can obviously influence their, self-confidence,

I believe that when young people don't value themselves and sometimes that comes from people not validating them, they often lack, self-confidence,

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How to Build Your Self-Confidence through Courageous acts

As a, life coach, I believe that Courage is a byproduct of, self confidence,

It takes courage to walk up on stage and speak to an audience large or small.

It takes courage to call that guy you like and ask him out.

It takes courage to go into that interview even though you have no idea what you are going to say.

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So how do you make yourself, Face the Fear, but do it anyway?

Tell yourself that it is not going to kill you.

My grandmother used to say “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger”

And that's exactly what, Feeling the fear but doing it anyway does for you. It makes you stronger, it builds your, self-confidence, muscle because even if you bombed you got practice and practice also makes perfect!

Here are my steps to build your, self-confidence, muscle on public speaking or doing a presentation at work.

  1. You can start by writing out your speech word for word and just read it
  2. Then as you get more, self- confidence, and your brain recorded that you did not die, you weren't booed off the stage, nobody laughed at you.
  3. So the next step is to write out the headlines and speak from the heart on your headlines
  4. Sooner or later you will have, self- confidence, muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tony Robbins and command the attention of the audience.

Arifah What are your steps to building the, self-confidence, muscle?

I find that it  wasn't only their, self-confidence muscle,  that needed to be built up, it was their self-worth,  it was a whole bunch of things there was all built into the one thing.  If we were to put a label on it,  it would be that we're not enough.

You would not believe how many people feel that they are not enough;  even the most successful

people like, Michelle Obama, in her book “Becoming Michelle Obama” felt that she wasn't good enough.  Why did she feel that way?  Because she was black and from the south side of Chicago!

As, African American women,  we have got a lot of things that we have to deal with, we just have to believe that we are all born with purpose and with the love of God.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GetiPNOx9dU

I have seven steps that I use to help my clients gain, self-confidence:

  1. Self-reflection – every time I meet with them, I allow them to self-reflect on their day self-reflect on things that were happening in their lives with gratitude.
  2. Acknowledgement and self-acceptance – what makes them unique because everybody is unique.
  3. Positive reinforcement – praising their effort and not obsessing over mistakes.
  4. Mastering a skill – I had the girls work on a project. They created their own YouTube video. Everyone mastered a skill in the production of the video.
  5. Communication skills – I do a lot of exercises around different forms of communication. Assertiveness,  passive, passive aggressive etc.
  6. Positive self-talk and affirmations – paying attention to their internal dialogue
  7. Pay it forward – giving back helps build, self-confidence,

To listen to the full Podcast audio, download on your favorite podcast player.

Download on the following podcast players and please remember to subscribe, rate and review if you found this content helpful.

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Additional Resources:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/joyburnford/2019/01/08/confidence-one-more-muscle-to-exercise-this-year/

 

How to Raise your Self-esteem by Erasing Self Doubt

Coach Myrna share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

Welcome to, Transformation Fridays, with Coach Myrna today I would like to teach on the topic how to, raise your self esteem, by erasing, self doubt.

First let me give you the definition of, self-confidence, self-confidence, is defined as a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment.

Self-esteem, is confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. Pretty similar.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11231957-how-to-raise-your-self-esteem-by-erasing-self-doubt.mp3?download=true

A self esteem story

I was listening to a Ted talk video some time back and the speaker was telling his back story. He said for 10 years he smoked crack, when he woke up and before he went to bed every day.  Hoping to numb the pain of living. He was a disappointment to his mother, his wife and his children. He felt worthless! So, no, self-esteem.

On his second trip to prison, he spent a total of 8 years in prison, his adopted mother had a heart attack and died. He felt pretty low that this woman who adopted him and loved him as her own and who tried to give him a better life, was now in the hospital, and he was not there to offer her comfort. The prison did not even allow him to go to her funeral. This was the first spark of change in him. Maybe he should do something with his life other than being a mess up.

When he got out of prison this time he decided to go to college. He was now a middle-aged black man and he was in college with 20-year-old white students. Never the less he did good and now looked forward to the accolades his teachers gave him because he was performing better than expected. He said that praise was now his new drug. He lived for his teachers praises. One day one of his teachers put an application for a job on his desk. He couldn’t believe it. His teacher had, confidence, in him, his teacher had confidence in his ability to do the job.

The, self-confidence, seedling inside him got water and grew a little. As his self-confidence grew his life changed. No longer was he a non-contributing member of society, he was making a contribution. He now had a new family and 7 years after he was released from prison, he received his PHD in Physiology!

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Self confidence is needed for success

Self-confidence, doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes you have to practice and practice until you build it. Sometimes it comes from your teachers, your parents, your friends or your boss.

So today I want to share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

But before we can get to the solution of anything or before we can get to anywhere on the map, we have to know how we got to where we are right now and pinpoint where we are.

For example. If you are at the mall and you are wanting to go to Macy's department store you look at the map and it shows “You are here” if you want to get to Macy's than you know you have to walk right or left. It is the same way in life.

Statics show that we can shed a lot of light on how we got here on the map by looking at our childhood. You see parenting does not come with a manual and some parents get it right; but most get it wrong.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

We get our self esteem from our caregivers

Understanding your, inner child, is very important to unlocking the door of where you are on the map today. You see when you came into the world you were totally dependent on someone else to care for you. Not just to feed you, bathe you, and to keep you warm, but to love you, protect you and nurture you.

If whenever you cried your mother or caregiver came and picked you up and smiled at you and comforted you, then you transformed that into the feeling that you are important.

If, however when you cried you were ignored, then you formed the feeling that you were unwanted. Even though you have no memory of being a baby, your heart and your internal computers have a record of everything. A hypnotist can go back and pull it out. That is the root of, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, that has now grown into an oak tree!

If you are listening to me and you are experiencing, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, or you don't understand why you are not getting the results you want. Why you are here on the map and you can never get over there. I challenge you to do the work find out why.

I was watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday a few months ago and she had a guest who talked about going back to your childhood home in your mind and looking out the window. What do you see?

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Looking out your childhood window

I grew up poor in Guyana but with a lot of love. When I looked through the window of the room, we lived in. I saw that even though I was poor, I had hope, I had love, I had friends, and I was happy. I saw that I had, self-confidence, because I did well in school and I had many boyfriends. I had, self-confidence, because I believed I was intelligent like my dad who was a professor.

What do you see when you look through the window of your childhood home? Can you find the root of your, lack of self-confidence, and, self-doubt?

Here are a few reasons we develop low self-esteem
  1. We were inadequately nurtured as children.
  2. We could have absorbed negative messages about ourselves and it still resides in the core of our beings.
  3. Parents or teachers extremely critical.
  4. Poor academic performance in school.
  5. Did not fit in either because of looks or clothing or religion.

TraumaPhysical, sexual, and emotional abuse can all significantly affect our feelings of self-worth. If you find yourself replaying memories of abuse or otherwise feeling tormented by or ashamed of your experiences, please consider seeking treatment from a licensed clinician.

Parenting style. The way we were treated in our family of origin can affect us long after childhood. For instance, if you had a parent who constantly belittled you, compared you to others, or told you that you would never amount to anything, you likely carry those messages with you today. A parent’s struggles with, mental health, and substance abuse can also change your relationship with the world.

Bullying, harassment, and humiliation. Childhood bullying can leave a mark on your confidence when it comes to looks, intellectual and athletic abilities, and other areas of your life. Humiliating experiences in adulthood, including workplace harassment or a peer group that disrespects or demeans you, can also make you less willing to speak up for yourself or pursue ambitious goals.

Gender, race, and sexual orientation. Scores of studies show women are socialized to worry more about how they’re perceived and, therefore, to take fewer risks. Racial and cultural background and sexual orientation can make a difference, too. If you’ve been on the receiving end of discrimination, you may have internalized some negative, untrue messages about your potential and whether you “belong.”

When we grow our, self-esteem, we expand our capacity for happiness.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Here are 3 benefits of high self esteem

  1. The higher your, self-esteem, the more equipped you are to handle life's adversities.
  2. The higher your, self-esteem, the more ambitious you are not necessary in a career; but in forming healthy relationships and not repeating destructive patterns.
  3. The higher your, self-esteem, the more likely you are to form nourishing bonds with others.
  4. Higher, self esteem, enables you to love yourself.
 How do you know if you love yourself?

Ask yourself these questions?
• Do I take care of myself?
• Do I make being healthy a priority?
• Am I stretching and challenging myself to be better than I am today?
• Am I living life with passion or am I just passing through?

If you answered No to any of these questions then you need to make some changes in your life before you get to 80 years old and realize that you never lived.

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

How to erase self-doubt

By Thinking it, speaking it and doing it!

The weeds that take over the garden of your mind can only flourish if you are a bad gardener!

You have to protect your dreams by plucking up the weeds before they grow. They will come. Self-doubt, always comes; but you have to pluck them out by speaking of your goals and doing something to get you moving towards the place on the map you want to go.

That is why you have to know where you are so you won't move in the opposite direction.

First Think it. There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare.

Rhonda Bryne of the secret says “What you think about you bring about”

Your thoughts affect your attitude your, self-confidence, your mood, and there is a direct relationship to your thoughts and your experiences in life.

Remember when you were a kid and your parents would tell not to hang around Johnny or Jane? They did not know why; but they knew that if you kept company with Johnny or Jane, no good would come of you.
In the same way if you keep replaying negative emotions in your head such as fear, discontent, anger, jealousy, insecurities, blame etc. then no good will come of you because you will keep attracting more negative energy to your experience.

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Podbean

Erase negative thoughts to erase self doubt

But let’s say you are wanting that promotion and you see yourself in this new role and you are confident that you will get this promotion then you will. You might not get it at your first try but if you keep trying and never give up it will be yours eventually; conversely, if you want this promotion; but you place road blocks in your path such as any and all negative thoughts, then chances are you will never attract this reality into your experience.

When we think, our thoughts become like magnets and attract, and then attach to like thoughts. That is why what you think about you bring about.

Nothing shows up in our life unless we attract it.

We have all seen the power of the Law of attraction in motion when if we have something bad happen to us at the beginning of the day, bad things keep on happening for the rest of the day.

So, it is very important to watch what you think.

Now let's take a look at Speak it.

The spoken word is a powerful tool and by leveraging your voice you expand your dreams from internal thoughts to external possibilities, laying the ground work for divine purpose to manifest. Deepak Chopra

When you take your thoughts, which are formless and speak them into the atmosphere you give them form. This empowers them.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Think it, speak it, do it

“Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all will be well with you. God shall hear your words and make them true.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox

So, remember to speak it. Tell a friend or your coach of your intentions.

And lastly “just do it.” Nike made this phrase popular but it applies to more than athletics. Just do it. There will never be a better time than the present.

“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once will never do anything.”
― Samuel Johnson

So “just do it.” Think about something you have been thinking of doing for some time. Tell someone about it and then take the first step. It does not have to be a giant step. It could be as simple as doing research or taking that nice red Mercedes out for a test drive; but it will be a step in the right direction.
I hope my presentation was thought provoking. These are the principles I live by and I attract all that I want into my experience; so give it a try.
If you lacked self-confidence or self-esteem I hope this episode gave you a starting point to change your thinking because when you transform your mind you will transform your life.

Additional Resources

What Is The Foundation Of Happiness

 

How Women Get a Seat at the Table

Women are you invisible in the boardroom and have no say? Do men listen when you speak? If the answer is no, then find out how to get, a seat at the table.

In this episode I interview Kimberley Bussey Lewis, Author of , A Seat At The Table, Or Part Of The Meal: Creating A Culture Of Diversity

How did you come to become passionate about, diversity and inclusion, for, women of color?

How to Get a Seat at The Table

I first really started thinking about, a seat at the table,  when I was a very young reporter in Charleston, South Carolina.  I was the only female reporter at the time within this 600 person company.  And what I was struck by is that there were so many decisions that were being made that we would complain about; but none of us had, a seat at the table, to help make those decisions.

I realized that if I didn't have a place in the room that I was both invisible and silent; so it didn't matter how much I complained or how much I didn't like what was going on or simply just didn't understand it because I was not part of the discussion; I needed, a seat at the table.

So that's where my passion for, diversity and inclusion, was born.

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CNN wrote a column on getting, a seat at the table, for women. They were discussing congresswoman Harris, basically what they're saying was that women are invisible and they have no say.  When they speak no one listens.  So I understand what you are saying.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What happens when there is no seat at the table

I stayed in that company as a reporter without, a seat at the table, about 12 years.  It took me that long to get that awakening.  Sometimes we think that we are fortunate to have a job so we don't want to stir the pot.  I just increasingly became more and more of a little rebel challenging the status quo. Eventually I left  and ventured out to write my first book.   I was scared to death.  Because here I am I'm going to write a book, I'm going to leave my job.  I took a leave of absence to write the book;  but it was really a step of faith and in writing the book and doing the research.

I became energized when I interviewed older relatives, my mother and great-aunt who were already in their 80s and 90s at the time. I  became energized by their tenacity as, Black women. I knew that we had a lot of strong men in my family, but my eyes are really flew open at the strength of the, black women, and how they held businesses up,  they held a family up and the men of the family up, and brought us all together.

I stumbled into the nonprofit arena by my volunteer work. I was volunteering and working on writing the  book and one thing led to another.  I got to a small job at an organization that was run by a, black woman, who became my mentor.  She took me under her wing and even though I was  just volunteering she taught me so much about strength and tenacity and making your voice count.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
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Diversity and Inclusion for Women of Color

Her company was called Family Assistance Management Services

And she was the first black female insurance broker in SC. She had been a full time teacher before she built quite a nest egg with her husband. They owned several pieces of property in Charleston SC. She then became a broker and started several businesses, an insurance company, a computer training clinic all kinds of other businesses, because she had a passion for helping people.

You got your feet wet on the nonprofit arena and but it sounds like you have, a seat at the table, at Goodwill Industries. Why you write the book, “A Seat at the Table or a part of the meal?”

I was born in September 1964 a month after the discrimination Act, and my parents had not long moved to Charleston, SC. All of my siblings, I  have one brother and two sisters, they had all been born at home in the country by a midwife so since it was now illegal for place public places to discriminate my father thought, well I will take my wife to this nice Hospital for my fourth child to be born.  So my mother was in labor he rushes her down to this hospital the Medical University of South Carolina and by this time she'd begun to hemorrhage as I was a breech baby.

It was pouring down rain and he got my mom into the emergency area into the lobby and he started screaming for the doctors to come and help they turned looked at them and turned their backs right away.  All the white doctors and nurses ignored them, so he ran up to them and screamed my wife is bleeding you got to help her and someone told him to just sit down we'll get to you.

So he scooped her up, put her in a wheelchair and ran with her down the street to the black Hospital. McLennan banks Hospital in the pouring rain with my mom gripping for life on that wheelchair.  He pushed her up into the emergency area and as soon as they saw that she was drenched in blood they rushed her into the emergency room and delivered me.  The doctor who delivered me was a, woman of color, from  South Africa and he named me Kimberly after the Kimberly diamond mines.

Black Women are born to be at the table

It sounds like you were born in to do this work!

I was tried of being the only, Black woman, in the room. I felt we as, Black women, have to do something to get , a seat at the table. If anyone was going to wave that flag of, diversity and inclusion, equity and of, diversity, it should be Goodwill Industries. So it really began then.  We started a task force with a group of CEOs and started to study, diversity and inclusion, and equity programs with fortune 500 companies and fortune 100 companies and other nonprofit organizations. We studied who was doing it well, what were they looking at, what were the metrics and how do you build that diverse pipeline.  We came up an implementation plan.

We were really intentional about attracting, maintaining and keeping a, diversity, workforce.  Whether it is individuals who are Hispanic or individuals who African-American or LGTBQ or disabled.  We recognize that all of that build a table of, diversity.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

The first time that I heard the phrase, a seat at the table, was from one of my coaching clients and I've heard it several times since. I heard Gabrielle Union say it that she's just gonna make her own table because you know the black actresses in Hollywood are still working to, get a seat at the table.  They go through the same discrimination with, diversity and inclusion.  It's not just in Corporate America or in the board rooms.

Women of Color getting a seat at the table

Kimberly you have, a seat at the table,  what advice would you give to women who are hitting the glass ceiling and get, no seat at the table.

African-American women unfortunately have been absent from the room!  We have not even been invited into the room much less have, a seat at the table, for quite some time.  Women in general have been hitting the glass ceiling for quite a long time.  I've heard that men are hired based on what their hiring manager or that supervisor thinks that they can do while women are hired or promoted based on performance.  it is that way because the majority of the, seats at the table, are already held by men.  Predominantly white males and they look for men who look like act like they came from where they come from.

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Black women in order to get, a seat at the table,  have to do 3 things:

  1. They have to network. It’s all about relationships. Else there is, no seat at the table. Everything that you do is about relationships and it's about networking.  If you didn't grow up playing golf, learn.  Go around places and do things that make you feel uncomfortable. But you must be part of the conversation. Go to the theater,  go to the Opera, you could serve as an usher and get free tickets.
  2. Get a mentor – All women should have a mentor.
  3. Get a Sponsor – a sponsor and a mentor are two different people. A mentor is someone that you can talk to about your fears and your aspirations. A mentor can give you sound advice and can talk you through some of the issues that you're having and help you create a plan a plan of attack.

A sponsor on the other hand is going to be that person who's going to make sure that you're invited to that meeting.  They're going to take you under their wing.  They're going to make sure that there's a place for you in the conversation and that there is, diversity and inclusion, that you are a part of the discussion. Sponsors are usually white males.

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Book: Seat at the table

Have you ever wished that you had the information to elevate the conversation at work on how to build a culture of diversity, equity and inclusion?  Well, now you do; with my newly published book A Seat At The Table or Part of the Meal, by Kimberly Bussey Lewis.  This book will give you examples of intentional efforts that will level the playing field and yield dividends for your career and your company. The book can be found on Amazon – A Seat at the Table Or Part of the Meal, by Kimberly Bussey Lewis or on www.motivationalmuse.com, so get your copy today and your seat at the table.

 

Additional Resources, A Seat at the Table

https://myhelps.us/how-transform-your-career-with-purpose/

How to Ask for a Raise or Anything you Want in Life.

https://myhelps.us/what-are-the-secrets-to-success-my-10-secrets/

https://www.demos.org/research/taking-our-seat-table-black-women-overcoming-social-exclusion-politics#Black-Women%E2%80%99s-Leadership:-Making-a-Way-out-of-No-Way

https://www.talentintelligence.com/blog/bid/377611/inclusion-and-the-benefits-of-diversity-in-the-workplace

 

Why Confidence Directly Impacts Your Success or Failure

Confidence, impacted the AFC Championship, Quarterback Russell Wilson had the, confidence, not to fold and give up and it resulted in success.

Let's say you are down by 16 points with 3 mins to go in the 4 quarter. You have played the worst game of your life. You have thrown 4 interceptions. Not only that, but the world is looking on and judging you. What do you do? Do you fold up like a flower without sunshine or do you have the, confidence, to play one drive at time? Do you dig deep and remember the last time you were down 16 to nothing and you came away with the victory? Quarterback Russell Wilson did just that on Sunday to win the AFC Championship game against the Green Bay Packers.

With 3 mins to go in the 4 quarter, Wilson was having his worst game to date; he had thrown 4 interceptions. The commentators were saying they had never seen Wilson play this bad. I started to route for them. I was routing for the underdogs, the Packers, because the Seahawks were the Super Bowl champions; but I hate to see a team embarrassed in front of millions. I have heard of quarterbacks who were tagged as not being able to win the big games. But this is where, confidence, separates the true champions. Confidence, and the spirit of never giving up. Even though Wilson had already thrown 4 interceptions to Kearse, he had, confidence, in him to give him another chance and he caught that winning touchdown and held on to that ball like his life depended on it. If you allow the facts like you just threw 4 interceptions, and you let negative thoughts snap your positive energy; you will loose. But like Wilson tearfully declared after pulling off a stunning overtime victory, he had the, confidence, in himself and in his team that they could win.

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How Confidence affects Sales Teams

I saw this same scenario play out on a, sales, team  that I was a part of. We were a team of about 40 outbound reps in a call center. The top, sales, persons on the team were selling about 40 units per day. Then a new girl was hired. She started banging out 40 units by noon!. Sales Management, thought she was cheating and started to check her sales to make sure she was not sandbagging leads. She calmly declared that she was not cheating; but that she had, confidence. She said when she picked up the phone, she had, confidence, that she was going to close the sale, and she usually did. I started paying attention to what she was doing, and I too started selling 40 units by lunchtime! My, confidence, grew.

Confidence, is usually the result of prior successes. As a sales manager, confidence, should be the first skill you coach to. If your, sales, team is not, confident, that they cannot win. You have to exhume past victories to give energy to present day activities. Why did Wilson feel that he could win?; because he won before. He knew that if there was time on the clock, his team had a chance.

Coaches need to build, confidence

“The road to athletic greatness is not marked by perfection, but the ability to constantly overcome adversity and failure.”

In, coaching, teams, you have a wide variety of players. You have your slow players, your fast players. You have the ones that are good at defense. You have the ones that are good at offense. You have the ones who would choose to drive and dish and you have the ones that would rather shoot the three. You have the people who set up the plays and you have the people who finish them. You are in charge of getting these types of players to work together and to build their, confidence.

Sure, a coach can put together a pretty set of plays. A, coach, can scream their head off in a game and try and get their players motivated. Coaching, can make you run for punishment, or they can make you run to get more in shape. The most important role of a coach, however, is to make the players on their team better with, confidence. To hopefully help them to reach their fullest potential. Players do make mistakes, but it is from those mistakes that you learn and grow.

Coaches sometimes destroy confidence by being too harsh. 

You wanted to win, and there was nothing wrong with that. I saw it in your eyes if I made a mistake, you were not too happy, which is normal for, coaching. Turnovers happen. Players miss shots.

Sometimes someone beats you in a race. Sometimes things happen. Players make mistakes. It is when you have players scared to move because of a lack of, confidence, that teams loose.

A player can be, confident,  in the way they play the game. Confident, but not cocky. It is up to the coach to build that, confidence, by highlighting the players strengths  and minimizing his weaknesses. That is what makes them improve overall, and become an asset who could become an  extremely great player and win Championships.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

What happens when a player looses confidence

The fight to get my, confidence, back was a tough one. It was something I wish I never would've had to do. Instead of becoming the best player that I could've been, I now had to fight to become the player that I used to be. My, coach, took away my freedom of playing a game that I loved. He  took away my good memories in a basketball uniform, which is something I can never get back. You can be the greatest athlete in the world, but without, confidence, you won't go very far.

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Additional Resources

https://myhelps.us/confidence/

How to Use Mantras to Build Self-Confidence (The Skill of Self Confidence)

To me the most important thing about that Ted talk,  the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence.  I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team.  I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph

I am speaking to the infamous Dr Ivan Joseph. Dr Joseph is a best-selling author of the book “You Got This: Mastering the Skill of Self-Confidence.

Listen to the full interview 

Short Bio: 

Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country.  He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a  young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and  attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and  a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada's most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”

Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition

Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand.  Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world,  you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world,  the strongest person in the world; but if you don't have this genuine belief that you have that skill,  you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation,  or choose to join the team.

Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?

Dr Ivan – l  think  like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that's American or my audience that's Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.

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There's something that's grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve.  We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us.  That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families.  Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good.   It's not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.

You could end up  internalizing that message where you're never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you're pushed to the corners or to the edges of society.  You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that's from your own internal belief or from society.

All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing.  You're then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies,  or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.

How do we, Build Self-confidence?

Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident,  all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident,  and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you're good at something or somebody tells you you're pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.

Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets.  You'll get your opportunity, you'll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.

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How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?

Myrna – So let's transition to our, build self-confidence,  topic.

Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism,  grit,  and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?

Dr Ivan –  If you don't believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure.  So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success.  We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we're not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn't matter how talented we are.

Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence,  to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you're gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you're down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I've seen that happen.

But what I don't understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don't have the, self-confidence, that  they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don't project anything, they  don't protect any energy.  They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room  and she feels that she's got it and you know she gets the guys.  Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.

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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?

Dr Ivan – Well I'll never comment on a woman's appearance or looks.  What I would say that anybody whether it's a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It's the measuring stick that they're using to measure themselves against.  This is key.  If I'm measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I'm good enough.  It's human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others.  Whether it's the Joneses next door, whether it's what you did last week,  we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.

So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn't think they have as much as the next person; you can't tell them they are attractive or smart, they won't believe it.

This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We'll call this maladaptive perfectionism.  This is when you  have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.

Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?

Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level.  You believe that you can make it.  You're, confident, you may have setbacks,  you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.

The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure.  There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So many people out there won't ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.

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How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit

Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions.  It's this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become,  so you gotta stop the negative talk like:

  • Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
  • or I'm never going to get this Job
  • Or I'm not as smart as these folks
  • I can't do this, I'm no good

We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up,  so you got To Stop the negative talk.

3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.

  1. In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
  2. Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
  3. Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
  4. I  am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
  5. Nobody outworks me,
  6. I can learn anything.

Mantras to,  Build self-confidence:

1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”

2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”

3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”

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Myrna – I'm a big believer in positive self-talk.  I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.

Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle.  Act as if you already have it.

Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner's mindset?

How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset

Dr Ivan – I think  a, winner's mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I'll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner's mindset.

Write a letter to yourself about all the things you're great at. There's going to be times when you feel like you can't do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.

Write that letter to yourself because, there will be  times when people tell you you can't do it.

When you feel like you can't do it,  that, winner's mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner's mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.

Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?

Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Mastering the,  Skill of Self-confidence

Tell us about your book “You've got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence”  I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think  that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?

Dr Ivan –  To me the most important thing about that Ted talk,  the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence.  I sat on the bench of a soccer team,  I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man's world, you're always not feeling like you're quite up to it.

One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I'd been sitting on the bench, that  she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.

“What happened to your game?  You let that man define your sense of self-worth.  Didn't you tell me that he didn't play high level Soccer?  That you've been coached by some of the best?”

I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn't believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.

It wasn't that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There's always going to be people who don't believe in you,  it's your job to change that person's mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.

So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.

  • I'm not smart enough
  • I'm not rich enough
  • I'm not skinny enough
  • I don't look good here
  • My teeth aren't this
  • You get the new job and you're great but then you get the promotion
  • I don't know if I can do it
  • I don't think I can do it

What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.

I teach  about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna

To order click the link below

https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/

If you go on  the website and order the book, I'll give you the course materials.  I think it's a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.

Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram

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This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your  mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to [email protected] with your contact information and one lucky winner  will win this $25 gift card.

Dr Ivan how can our listeners Transform their Mind to Transform their life?

Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate.  So whenever you're feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!

Additional Resources

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

Setting Goals Leads to Higher Performance