Dr Nina Savelle-Rocklin says “It's not about willpower” In her book How to, lose weight, without, dieting, Dr Nina says dieting leads to, eating disorders.
Dr Nina is also the author of “Food for Thought” a book about the treatment of, eating disorders.
Book: Food for Thought
Our emotions feed our food intake. Our brain responds to emotions and feelings making it hard to, lose weight. Dr Nina is going to teach us today about how emotions affect our ability to, lose weight, and leads to, eating disorders.
In keeping with the format of my show, today my tip of the week looks at how positive emotions and negative emotions affect our daily lives.
Positive emotions or feelings can be likened to yeast in a loaf of bread. They raise your energy levels so that you can attract like thoughts floating around in the universe.
Thought impulses mixed with emotion are picked up quicker by infinite intelligence and acted upon.
7 Major emotions that helps to, Lose Weight
There are 7 major positive emotions:
Desire
Faith
Love
Sex
Enthusiasm
Romance
Hope
These are the most powerful emotions for creating wealth and happiness.
There are also 7 major negative emotions that lead to, eating disorders
Fear
Jealousy
Hatred
Revenge
Greed
Superstition
Anger
Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time. One or the other must dominate. You must make sure that positive emotions constitute the dominant emotions of your mind.
Form the habit of scanning your body to determine how you are feeling. If you find negativity immediately shift to a positive thought. With practice your positive emotions will dominate and negatives cannot enter in.
Negative emotions and feelings make you feel bad and makes us over eat, and impossible to, lose weight. Feeling bad is unnatural so we try to eat something, drink something, buy something or do something to make ourselves feel better. That is the source of addictive behaviors. You need to kill the ANTS. Automatic negative thoughts.
Check out my blog at blog.myhelps.us for more information on how to control your Automatic negative thoughts.
Guest Biography
Nina Savelle-Rocklin, Psy.D. is a psychoanalyst, author, speaker and internationally-recognized expert in weight, food and body image issues.
She has been featured in the Los Angeles Times, Prevention, Real Simple, Huffington Post and many other publications, and is a frequent guest speaker on podcasts, radio, summits and other events, including the prestigious National Meeting of the American Psychoanalytic Association.
Dr. Nina’s personal experience gives her a unique understanding of what it’s like to struggle – and she knows change is possible! She brings a fresh perspective by helping people understand “why” they turn to food instead of focusing on what they’re eating. In addition to her private practice, she writes an award-winning blog, Make Peace With Food, hosts a popular podcast, Win The Diet War with Dr. Nina, and offers “food for thought” on her video series, The Dr. Nina Show.
She has contributed to two psychoanalytic books, and her book “Food For Thought” on the treatment of eating disorders is to be published by Rowman & Littlefield later this year. Check out Dr Nina on the web at https://winthedietwar.com
Can you share your history and what led you to do this work?
Show Notes:
• Topic Discussion: It's Not About Willpower! How To, Lose Weight, Without, Dieting
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• 2. Every year there's a new fad diet – low carb, gluten free, Paleo. Why do you think, diets, don't work?
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• 3. What's the best way to deal with food triggers that trigger, emotional eating?
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• 4. What role does self-acceptance and self-esteem play in, weight loss?
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• 5. For our listeners who want to make changes, what are some of the things they can do to create change?
•
• 6. A lot of people lose weight but gain it back, or they're always in that yo-yo diet cycle. What causes people to sabotage their weight loss efforts?
The concept of, dream big, is to not let yourself become small. Not just react to what life's dishing out. We need to, dream bigger, because the universe gives you exactly what we ask for. If you ask for 50 cents instead of $1 you will get 50 cents.
Ilona Selke, shares The concept of, dream big, is to not let yourself become small. Not just react to what life's dishing out. Today on the Transform Your Mind with Coach Myrna podcast. I am so excited to be talking to international best-selling author Ilona Selke. Ilona who is currently travelling the USA directly from Bali where she spends seven months of a year.
So envious, Ilona is promoting her new book, “Dream Big, the Universe is Listening”. We're going to be talking about shifting your reality in the, quantum, matrix. I meditate every morning and then I go walking and meditate some more while I listen to podcasts. This morning I was listening to the Hay House World Summit podcast and the guest was Dr. Bruce Lipton, he was teaching us that, Quantum mechanics, or the, quantum, matrix is the foundation for all Sciences.
Chemistry and Biology sit on top of, Quantum mechanics. When I came back from my meditation, I put a note in my journal that I needed to read some more, quantum, matrix books. Then as I going over our show notes, I noticed that your book is about the, quantum mechanics, and that we're going to be talking about, quantum mechanics. I look forward to fast tracking my learning!
Ilona – Yep, the Universe is indeed listening, Bruce Lipton's book title is “The Biology of Belief,” he talks about what he calls Epigenetics. I love the fact that he talked about the, Quantum Matrix. Someone was saying that we when we watched the movie The Matrix, that it looked like science fiction; but we could be in something similar to that in real life.
The subtitle of my book it's called, Dream Big, the Universe is listening, I know we have all these religions across the world and no matter who they believe the right version of God is, there is only one source. Let's just be honest, if there were multiple sources we'd have a war on our hands. Source multiplies itself and then humans interpret it differently.
Formulate your prayer if you want to pray or if you meditate your visualization in such a way that the universe can decode your message. The Universe has its own language and we don't need to learn a computer language. Luckily we are endowed with a language, but most of us do it incorrectly. I want to help everybody do it in a way that the Universe will start listening.
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Ilona is an International Best-selling Author, seminar leader, lecturer, musician CEO and co-founder of Living from Vision. Ilona has inspired thousands of people worldwide to discover the power of their consciousness and to create successful lives. Ilona has written four books, produced music and meditation CDs, co-authored two books one with Brian Tracy, and one with Jack Canfield, she also has been a regular guest on A&E, Bravo TV with Jack Canfield, and a producer and TV show host for Quantum Living show on women's broad broadcast TV.
Rank #3 Transform You Mind PodcastTop Podcasts #3
Why we should, Dream big
One of the things I set out to figure out was how to talk to the Universe. I observed regularly is that whenever I said I don't want something, that's what I got. Can you imagine, I was so delighted to figure out that I recognized one definite Law of the Universe, which was “I got what I didn't want.” I'm gonna ask you to not think of a pink elephant.
Can you do that? I don't think so. I want to know what is in your head right now? A pink elephant! I figured out the Universe. If I say I don't want a bicycle for my Christmas gift, guess what the Universe is going to give me for Christmas? When I said I don't want a bike, I visualized the bike and made me manifest it. I learned to, dream big.
I figured out the Universe has a law which is it gives me what I don't want. Maybe God or the Universe has a different plan. I could say I want to be in that big castle, I can see myself in it. I should say something I really want. I want millions of listeners to my podcast. Let's say millions of listeners, that's what I want. All these people who are sitting on this planet listening. They are ignited they are excited.
There are others who are also listening right now, millions of them, they are listening and we are one. We are all vibrating together. It's not just one here in the neighborhood, and one there, we are collectively globally. A large group of people and we are all building the new world. We are shifting the paradigm together and we are millions and we are listening and we are taking the lessons and making them real in our daily life to prove to ourselves and our family that this Universe is listening.
Dream Big
That this paradigm is really living. This is what I did when I was 10 years old. I just had to learn about changing that no factor, and then when I'm 14, I said okay I'm going to go teach the world to be creative, and so I always say when you do, make sure you always add that little sentence that says “for the highest good”
Here are three easy steps to, dream Bigger:
Describe it
Imagine it,
Feel it
Allow yourself five minutes, the luxury of being in your fulfillment. Five minutes, millions of people just see it. Five million listeners around the world. How would you feel right now if you had five million listeners?
Myrna – I would feel good. I would feel that I was given a mandate from God and I would protect that mandate by caring for my 5 million listener. I would make sure they are fed, inspiring messages every week and that my platform will contain good content. I have the intention that I want to reach the world before every recording.
I want to give you a little synopsis, Dream Big, the Universe is listening, and then we're going to dive in little deeper in her book. Ilona takes you into a journey into the greater mystery of the universe, she takes you step by step, as she mentioned earlier through fascinating stories and how to manifest your goals and, dream big.
At the same time you, dream big, you create a better life for yourself. In the planet we're a living in a consciousness interactive universe. For you to become the master of your destiny, you need to dive into your subconscious mind and reach into your super consciousness. Ilona travels across the globe teaching other levels of consciousness.
She describes in easy-to-follow steps just how magical life really is when you learn to, dream bigger. After reading her book, you will come away inspired and equipped to make your dreams come true and create a better life for yourself on this planet. Check her out at www.ilonaselke.com.
What is the biggest lesson you think that readers can take from the concept of, dream big?
Ilona – The concept of, dream big, just itself, I've had people who just take the book and go oh my God I've let myself become small. I've let myself just react to what life's dishing out. All the demands and I've forgotten to, dream big,. I've forgotten to listen to my own self. So sometimes just holding the book in their hands without opening a page they've gone to the place of, dreaming bigger.
I want to remember to take time for myself and to, dream big, again because maybe we had dreams of who and what we wanted to do, and then some of them got either fulfilled or not. We have kids and get stuck at home, or as a woman, do the providing job thing, and feel like we're trapped in a rut. That's when we need to take time and to, dream big, to think about what we want.
To listen to our soul, to our heart, and to step back out of the house. Buzz out of our life and to step back and to do what's really meaningful to us. I said I'm going to give away a free app, that will guide people about God. Listeners can do this for 5 minutes every day, even if you just do that you start setting up a habit, where your soul and heart, your spirit will start saying thank you for listening to me.
It'll start giving you nudges, it'll start coordinating things for you. People will call you at the right time. I've had people who walk into a bookstore and my book literally fell into their lap. You put out the vibrational frequency, and anything that matches it, will come in.
I hate to admit it is that unfortunately the mass number of people are more interested in soap operas and dramas and disasters, rather than making their lives better by, dreaming big.
You don't have to follow any religion. You can just simply tune into the universe, which I call the source, and start your own conversation. Start talking to god by sitting down and saying what you need. Set up a conversation with this higher power, God and then if you have a desire and wish and needs, a dream or something you want to contribute to the world, just ask for it.
Let's say you need a certain amount of money every month, you may think hell, I need to be able to travel the world, I need to travel to other countries, I need to see other cultures to expand my horizon, that's what I really want. The universe says, ok. If we catch ourselves saying well I really want to travel the world; but then in your heart you feel these I have responsibilities, I don't want to leave, I'm afraid, maybe I get sick or whatever all your butts, they are the reasons why we stay where we are, stuck.
Because you're giving conflicting information. You're saying, yes I want it, but then you're saying well no, I don't want it because of that. Those little voices are usually not that loud, we feel them we try to ignore them, we try to say no, no I'm not really thinking that.
Dreaming Bigger in the Quantum Field
In my book, Dream Big, the Universe is Listening, I give techniques of how to deal with those little butts and snarling voices, or those tight feelings in the tummy, because they are at first blockages. Later on that block becomes your stepping stone. I tell you I am teaching this technique to doctors, therapists, hypnotherapists, all over the world. A lot of them have taken it to substitute the other techniques they used to use, because this one really works.
Myrna – It definitely does. I like what you said about there's just so many people that are interested in reality TV shows and sports and the news and things like that and don't spend any time, dreaming big. I wrote my first book “Becoming Conscious, my Awakening, about four years ago and that's basically when I started to understand synchro destiny and, Quantum matrix, and envision and all the things that you talk about. I'd be on that path and that's one of the reasons my vision was to have this radio program and then podcast. I talked about transforming your mind because that's where it starts.
Ilona – There are four different interpretation. One of them actually allows for the idea that we live in the universe that has parallel dimensions and parallel realities all at coexisting simultaneously. I train teachers and coaches, we have the course in Chinese we have students in China and Czechoslovakia in Germany in England and Spanish English Spanish, French, German, Czech, Chinese, and my books are out also in Hindi, and in Czechoslovakia and Russian, so we try to go worldwide.
All humans alike they don't really well I mean they like to have an idea of how the universe works but the trick to creating a shift in the matrix of time-space is to slowly but surely build up your miracles, so that you really feel the universe is listening to you. Talk to it and you can transform your negative doubts and beliefs and pave the way for the beautiful expression of who you really are.
Scientists don't even believe in God, but the quantum physicists say well there is something weird going on which implies that there is a greater intelligence at work. All of them right now are trying to develop a new worldview and quantum physics has lent itself the closest to different understanding. It's a modern way of saying there is a God and there is the observer affect. The observer who is looking at the experiment is changing the outcome!
I actually published in the book with Jack Canfield, he's the co-author of Chicken soup of the Soul, and the chapter about it is really about a Mind Bender, I described how I close my eyes and talk this mind-bending story through to God and I see the techniques are the same. You become clear on what you want you imagine what it would look like.
If it had already happened and you feel as if it had already happened, so in my body and bones I was sitting there not only visualizing being arriving on time and being in the end result. I'm not only applying myself, but I'm also feeling in my bones. It takes a lot of practice. I tell people is start small. I started creating parking lots and then build your way up build your confidence up.
I definitely need some help. I've been working and working on this thing for a while and I'm a very I'm a deterring person. It's hard for me to visualize. I can get the emotion and I can talk myself through it, but I want to see it in my mind.
I've got a trick for you. Here let's do this, because a lot of people are in your shoes, they go I can't visualize for anything. Some people are more kinesthetic types, maybe are one of them. I'm going to do a test for you and you're probably going to come out with flying colors like everybody who's listening.
How to Visualize and Dream Big
I would like you to visualize a tree as best as you can. Just a tree, an ordinary tree and move to one side of the tree, you're going to put a red dog and on the other side of the tree is a blue dog. Now I want you to take your index finger that you like the best and point it to the red dog just point. Which side did you point? Right side, okay well honestly some people have the red dog on the right some people have it on the left. Now tell me when you say you can't visualize, how come you knew that the red dog was on the right side of the tree?
I'm not seeing the dog. I can see the tree because I walk and see trees every day so I think I can visualize a tree, but I'm not seeing the red dog. I'm just imagining.
That works just as well because the most important aspect is the feeling. Imagine you're sitting down and having lemonade, as a matter of fact somebody serves you the lemonade and a good lemon cut open to a quarter and really fresh. You decide to bite into that lemon. You take that wedge of lemon and you're going to imagine you take it and you bite into it.
I'm tasting that sour, I'm not actually seeing it but I am like you can imagine thinking exactly. I imagine it in my mind. I'm a reader and I cry at movies and I cry when I see stuff. I cry when I read books, so I get myself in the picture. I want to see with my third eye and it's not happening.
Let me ask you one question. Did you start salivating more when I asked you to bite into that lemon?
Yes I did.
Ilona – I've lived with a lot of imaginary stuff. I visualized and, dreamed big, every day. I work on it, in fact I did this course called the “wealth magnet” and every morning I sit down I imagine different success things like what my what my Rolls-Royce is going to feel like when I drive it and what my big house, over looking the mountains is going to feel like!
There are two things when we say visualizing, one means representing to yourself something that is not currently physically in front of you; but you can put yourself into. Two, if you can create and feel the feeling of already doing it. Now when you say I'm visualizing myself driving in a Rolls Royce you giggled I can tell you that is the part of you that says I don't have it. I shouldn't be thinking that or it's funny.
You heard me talk about I want to have millions of listeners in order to do, I have to, dream big,.
Myrna – I would love for you all to review the podcast on iTunes. This encourages my guests and encourages other people to be able to listen to this life changing program. Ilona, so go ahead and tell them what the FREE GIFT is today for posting a review on iTunes.
Visit my website www.ilonaselke.com download the FREE app if you want to start your day with positive focus and be supported, I'll do that for you for free. I'll do that every morning with you. With my more meditative voice and with much more singsong in my voice. Also if you want to end your day on a good note come with me on this journey called “living from vision.” it's called the “Living from Vision” light App. It's available both on Google and Android. If you purchase my book, “Dream Big, the Universe is Listening” it will also give you the directions of how to get the App.
Dream Big, the Universe is Listening. This has been a very inspirational high-energy interview, we came out of the gate running like some racehorses. I loved it, we're out of time right now but Ilona is going to be back next week and we are going to talk about “How to find it your Soulmate” so be sure to tune in for that because you don't want to miss it.
Ilona – I'm going to share with you “How to have sex out-of-body” Wow, yes the men are going to come knocking now, women too! Well Ilona it has been an absolute pleasure. I definitely will go and not only get the free app but I'm also going to download your book, Dream Big, the universe is listening.
Thank you so much for spending the time with me today. For more information on Myrna Young, Life Coach visit me on the web at www.myrnayounghelps.com. I thank you listeners for tuning into www.wdjyfm.com, the Transform Your Mind with coach Myrna podcast, available on iTunes,Google Play, stitcher, and now on I Heart Radio, you can listen to it yet anywhere.
Until next time Namaste.
How to find happiness, after a tough year, your circumstances could be bad. You could have gotten a divorce, you could have lost a job, you could have lost a loved one. Can you find, happiness, after a loss? In the, pursuit of happiness, guru's teach that, happiness, could only be found on the inside, so we can be happy regardless of losing a loved one, losing our job, a sickness, or divorce.
But the question is portable because we can add anything after the, How to find happiness, after….! We can add, How to find happiness, after my kids leave home, or, how to find happiness, after someone close to me dies, or, how to find happiness, after I lose my job etc..
We can substitute any phrase.
Happiness, comes from the inside.
The Pursuit of Happiness
Happiness, is the universal goal of everyone who has breathe.
Let’s look first at the relationship you have with yourself. Self-love is so important to, happiness.
You have to try very hard to love yourself. If you can't love yourself no one else can love you.
If you can't love yourself you can never be happy.
You can start by finding one thing about you, that you love.
God knew what he was doing when he created you. Everyone has at least one thing that makes them stand out.
Find it and give it love every time you look into the mirror.
And if there is something you can change, Change it. If you can't change it, find a different perspective on it and learn to love it.
You can change your weight, your hair color, your teeth, your wardrobe.
You can’t change your height, your skin color, your sex!
There is no sense whatsoever about being unhappy about something you can’t change about yourself or about something you can change; but won’t.
I just saw one of the most inspiring movies of the decade. Hidden Figures.
As a coach, this movie had so many nuggets.
1. The women were ambitious and they took control of their lives. They did not sit around and blame their skin color.
In one scene, one of the women was bitching that in order to get a promotion she had to upgrade her education.
The problem was that the only school she could do this at was an a white’s only school. So what did she do?
She petitioned the court to change the school to an integrated school. She researched and presented her case to the judge with such passion that the judge had no choice but to grant her the motion.
In another scene, IBM computers were going to make the woman computers obsolete, so the leader of the group took it on herself to learn how to program the computer. She had to steal the programming book from the white’s only library because the colored library had no such books! That is the, pursuit of happiness, working towards a goal.
There is always something you can do to improve your circumstance.
You are either part of the solution or you are part of the problem.
I covered the other 2 ways to find, happiness, in the video.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you.
3 And your relationship with God.
As you can see relationship is key!
We are social beings, we need connection, even if it is with one person.
I would like to end this post with this story.
I was searching the internet for a story on, Happiness, and I came across this movie called “Finding Happiness by Yogi Swami Kriyananda..“
Yogi Swami has Ananda colonies all over the world where people live in harmony and higher consciousness in nature.
Ananda means true joy is within.
Yogi Swami choose to build his colonies in nature because being in the presence of beauty is important to uplifting consciousness.
As you all know the East teaches the importance of meditation.
Meditation allows you to find your sense of security inside, it allows you to find your sense of self inside and when you find these things inside of you, you can never lose it because no one can ever take it away.
The Ananda colonies teaches that if you live to be happy, you will find things that make you happy and the number one thing that makes us happy is selfless service to others.
I also added a bonus audio on “How to control your thoughts”
As you know that, happiness, comes not from what people do to you or your circumstances but how you think about it.
So your internal dialog and your thoughts must be controlled and channeled into positivity and gratitude for you to find, happiness.
I urge you to find all the things that make you happy, and do them.
Find the things that make you happy, make it a necessity to be in nature at least once per week!
I guarantee..
You will not only find, happiness, but you find your bliss!
Namaste
Millennials, need parents teaches or coaches to stimulate their, personal development. Millennials, need to understand that, personal development, comes when they anticipate the very next phase beyond the one there're in, so they can be prepared for it when it arrives.
Introduction to, Personal Development for, Millennials
Today what we want to focus on is giving, Millennials, some clarity on, personal growth and development. We both know that learning should not stop when we leave school. My guest today is Arika Pierce author of the book The Millennial's Playbook to Adulting.
Myrna – What advice would you give, Millennials, on, personal growth? Millennials, are in the growth stage of life, what advice would you give them? I know in your book you give ten tips. We don't have time to talk on all ten, personal development, tips; but pick some of the top ones and share how you would advise, Millennials, on, personal growth and development.
Arika- I think especially after you get out of school, Millennials, are sort of over trying to learn from textbooks. People are just exhausted from that textbook and learning from your professors and things like that; So I do encourage, Millennials, to become students of life.
By that I mean opening your eyes to all the things that you can learn from different people, new experiences just being open to continuing to stretch your horizon and to be multifaceted and to be just a well-rounded person. In my book, for example:
I suggest things such as reading biographies about people that you're curious about for, personal development, or maybe who you want to know. Learn more about their path.
I also believe that you should do things like watch documentaries on Netflix about different types of topics that you might be interested in or just want to know more about.
I also think listening to podcasts that's huge for, personal development, and that's why I love your podcast. I listen to podcast really throughout my day on various types of topics, it could be something around, personal development, by expanding your mindset, it could be something around the news, it could be anything. There's so much out there that you can really stretch your mind and learn.
Going to different types of events. I always tell people if you get invited, go to something and especially if it's something that you probably would be interested in doing. Go to the Opera, go to a hockey game even though you don't know what's going on, go to a book talk, go to a wine tasting, whatever it is just expand your horizon and, personal development.
Learning does not stop once you walk across the stage. You should always every day be learning more about yourself, about life, about other people, just always be curious and be a student of the world and of life.
Myrna – Awesome, that's some good advice I love the podcast one because that's a big one. I actually showed my mom just yesterday how to put podcasts on her phone.
That's the space that we're in right now. I will tell you I started listening to podcast just to learn what some of the successful podcasters are doing. If there's something you want to learn, you go to an event, you go to book signing. That's why people write books. You can take ten years to learn something or you can take ten minutes to read how someone else did it in a book, and that's the purpose of books.
I wanted to learn how to be better at what I do, so I started listening to podcast. You would not believe how my mind has been expanded. I subscribe to TuneIn radio, so that I can research how that works and what Hot Talk radio was all about. I happened to come across the Hay House World Summit podcast and you would not believe what I've been learning.
I listen to podcasts every morning when I walk. I walk for an hour every day, so I that's my learning time and I my eyes are wide open because this podcast have guest speakers all the top people in the spirituality and consciousness and health space.
I try to bring good content on this show so that people can plug in and hear something inspiring and mindset shifting. This podcast is not all about shooting the breeze. I went through your book and I made a note of some of the things that you mentioned and I'll mention a couple of them because it's very important you talked about:
How Millennials can Shift their mindset for, personal development
• Keeping your mind healthy. You start off by talking about depression. Depression is very big right now. I don't know where it's coming from, but a lot of people are depressed, even the ones that you think should be happy, that has a lot of money. Still trouble with depression. You start out by saying, keep your mind healthy and that's very important when you talk about staying motivated.
• Find a healthy outlet. Journaling, painting, baking, etc and stuff like that that keeps your mind healthy. I talked about journaling, I think it's great but it's not for everybody. I think you know it's not something some people can do it every single day, some people just do it on a periodic basis. I believe don't be hard on yourself about doing it, but if sometimes you need a place to get your thoughts get your feelings out thinking on paper can honestly be a great way to do that.
• Getting into healthy routines. I just wrote a blog that's coming out next week about a morning routine. I think establishing a morning routine is a great, personal development, tool and can help you set the intention and tone for the rest of your day and so actually think sitting down and thinking about what you want your routine to be and doing it that could be transformative. I've just recently sort of created a new morning routine and it really has changed my mindset for the whole day. Just making sure there are these five or six things that I do before I start my day.
That's awesome, you know again as you talk my mind goes to certain things and I was just listening to a podcast where Barbara Corrigan was speaking and we all know her from Shark Tank. She has done a lot for herself, she said something that I did as a little variation for what you just said. She said write down the things that you like to do and write down the things you don't like to do and instead of trying to do the things you don't like to do, and then find an assistant or an intern and delegate the things you don’t like to do.
If you're still trying to just figure out what direction you want to go in life, I think that's a great time to get it to get a, Life coach. Honestly I think the hardest part is just identifying what exactly you need the, Life coach, for sometimes you want the, Life coach, to help you with your, personal development plan, in terms of where you want to take your career.
Sometimes it could be helping you balance your work versus your personal life. You might need a, Life coach just in terms of helping you get to the next level of your dreams and, self improvement. There's all different types of ways you can leverage and use a, Life coach. I really think that it's never too soon to do that.
Today, there's lots of, Life coaches who focus on the, millennial, generation, which I think is great. I think those people really understand what the, millennials, are going through and can really help them work through all of those challenges. I wasn't focused on the, millennial, generation until I recognized that my daughter being a, millennial, and her struggles and the things that she needs help with and then I put them two and two together.
I thought what there's lots of people in that bucket that could do maybe good guidance and direction. Yeah so you're right, I haven't come across a lot of, millennial, coaches; but I know that, Millennials, are the generation that's moving the bucket in a lot of areas. That’s because they're a large group, they're the movers and the shakers.
So as we continue our discussion on, personal development, as a, millennial, I want to ask this question. In your book Arika, you give advice on how to care for your body so how can we incorporate caring for your body with, personal growth and development?
I believe that when you work on your mind, when you strengthen your mind, a lot of that has to also be your body and soul, they're all connected. When you are taking care of yourself when you're eating right, when you're exercising, I believe your mind is just in a different place. You feel those endorphins, everything is flowing. I had a workout this morning where I came up with three different things while I was working out that I wanted to incorporate.
When you feel good you just can really, transform your mindset, in a very positive way. I believe that when you are you believe that you're invincible, and start taking care of yourself, eating right, making sure you're drinking enough water, making sure that you know you're working out on a regular basis, making sure you're meditating, when all of those are aligned I believe that your life in terms of what you want to do, in terms of having the energy to do them, all falls into a, personal development plan. You get into the, personal growth and development, space. But you can't take your body for granted, because we actually only get one and you know if your body isn't right usually everything else isn't right either.
That's awesome, I was listening I was listening to Louise Hay, she was talking about something that she calls the mirror work. She says is that women especially should go in front of the
mirror every day when they wake up, when they look their worst and they should say to themselves, “ I love you, you are so awesome.” I have no problem with self-love, I love myself, but I still do it every morning. I look myself in the eye and I say “I love you you're awesome.” What she's trying to do with that little exercise is bring exactly what you're talking about the mind-body connection. Millennials, have a problem with self love.
Millennials, and Self Love
When you love the body that you're in, when you love you, then it transcends into every area of your life, it transcends into your, self confidence, it transcends into what you put in your body, how you treat it, how you let people treat you. There's definitely a correlation with exercise into listening and connecting to your higher self. I wrote my entire first book and it was called ironically “Becoming Conscious, my Awakening” be connecting with my higher self.
I would go for run in the morning and all the words would come to me. I would go to the car right after and start writing. I will tell you if I tried if I tried to circumvent and write at night or something it wouldn't go as smooth, because then I'll be trying to force it, but when it just comes to me it came to me when I was running, the words just flowed.
Like when you were exercising this morning. So the mind-body connection is very important, and that's why I decided to include it in our topic today, because a lot of people do not care for their body and especially when they're young, millennials, and they don't have any aches and pains, they kind of ignore it.
I was listening to another podcast just yesterday again on the Hay House World Summit and listened to Ocean Robbins, I love his name, I told my daughter she has to name my grandchild Ocean. He is actually is the grandson of Baskin Robbins and he had an incredible story about how his grandfather ate ice cream all day long, he had at least 21 flavors in his fridge at all times.
He ate ice cream for breakfast and lunch! When he got to 70 years old, he had all these health problems because of the diet that he had all his life. He had heart problems but his story ended well, because started eating well, he started doing certain things, eating well, including cutting out ice cream and he was still able to turn it around. That's not an encouragement for anybody listening to wait until they're in their 70’s and in poor health to get started on a, personal development plan, for a healthy lifestyle, but do it now.
How, Millennials, develop a, Personal Development Plan: Jim Rohn
Most, Millennials, are in school, I think a lot of, Millennials, go on to higher education. They're working on feeding their mind and, personal growth, education and career and things like that. The reason I talked about, personal growth, because as a, Life coach, I know that there's a difference. Jim Rohn's personal development growth plan, is a popular, personal development plan. Tony Robbins talks about Jim Rohn's growth plan in his back story. I would like to hear your spin on the difference between studying for a career and actually, personal growth.
Arika – When we think about, personal growth and development, as you just said that that's very connected to what you are focused on career-wise, your job. I think when you start to think about what you want to personally achieve for yourself, that may or may not be connected to your professional life, because there definitely is some overlap between the two.
I think really people just have to always think about looking inside and how do they define themselves, outside of their career. Millennials, you're thinking about how you want to define yourself as a person and defining yourself as a person is not just what your career is and so it's very easy to get into a life pattern. You only focus and your own the only thing that you know to that you gravitate to in terms of your growth, in terms of your brand.
When you ask “What is your, personal development plan” which is now something I heard from Brian Tracy he talks about you know spending all his money when he was a youngster to purchase something that called a, personal growth, plan. If I was to ask a, Millennial, they might answer in terms of there career trajectory. But that is not a, personal development, plan because it's only it is only touching on one area of a multi-faceted spiritual being.
Deepak Chopra is one of the people that I follow and I love, he talks about asking “who are you?” who is the person that's doing the listening right now? You ask yourself these questions “Who am I?” “What am I here to do?” You just ask God that question and even let God answer. Your, personal development plan links up to your purpose.
Learn different ways you can develop your, personal development, business, organization and, personal growth, skills.
Strategies for, personal development, can be found on the Transform Your Mind Podcast.
Do you have the, mindset, to scale the personal mountains in your life and get to, personal growth? In this episode of 5 mins with, Coach Myrna, I share 7 tips to acquiring the mindset of an, mount Everest, climber.
The mindset of a, Mount Everest, mountain climber? How to tackle your personal mountains.
Climbing Mount Everest
Not sure why but I picked up the book, “Into Thin Air, my expedition to the top of the world,” maybe it was because one of my goals was to hike the Himalayas, not climb, Mount Everest. Let's be clear! but after reading this book I was amazed by what, mindsets, could accomplish.
The, positive mindset, can elevate your life and make you stretch yourself, while its opposite a negative mindset can anchor you wherever you are.
As an, Everest, mountain climber, you are aware that your odds of dying is high. Even if you don't die, your chances of frost bite or other dangers increase with every feet closer to the summit! The thin air can make you lose brain cells, lack of oxygen to your brain can give you brain damage. YET! The writer says that The line of, mount Everest, climbers attempting to get to the top, looks like the line at Walt Disney world. I wonder how these, mount Everest, climbers deal with their, personal mountains, or, personal growth.
What, mindset, do you have to develop to pay the $65,000 fee, risk your life, and push yourself beyond your limits to summit, Mount Everest?
I discovered these 7 characteristics of people who climb their, personal mountains, personal growth, and become, Mount Everest, mountain climbers:
7 Characteristics of Personal Growth
1. Strong Mindset – Think of the, mindset, you have to have, to WANT to climb, Mount Everest, the top of the world 29, 035 feet in the sky! Let's put that into perspective that the height that airplanes fly at! Hopefully your, personal mountains, don't seem of this magnitude!
2. They want to test their limits– After reading “Into Thin Air” I listened to a Ted talk by Lori Schneider. She was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis, and decided to make a goal of scaling the highest peaks on each continent before her MS progressed and she lost the use of her legs. She accomplished this feat and became the first woman with multiple sclerosis to summit, Mount Everest. That was her, personal mountain, or, personal growth and she climbed it and won.
3. They faced their fears – When you face your fears, especially the ones that tell you, you are not good enough, doing something super human sure proves that you are indeed good enough and wipes out fear forever more! Fear is false evidence appearing real. It is a bully and when you stand up to it, it always runs away. You have to remove fear to climb any of your, personal mountains,
4. They are both mentally and physically strong – Climbing your, personal mountains, is both a mental and physical challenge. Climbing your, personal mountains, has nothing to do with physical strength. In the book “Into Thin Air” one of the climbers that reached the peak was a 95 lb woman. Mental strength is more powerful than physical strength.
5. Perseverance – Climbing high altitude mountains is a marathon not a sprint. You have to acclimatize yourself to the high altitudes by climbing to incremental altitudes and climbing back down several times. In the same way you can't scale your, personal mountains, in one jump, you have to approach it like a mountaineer or a marathon runner, take small bites at a time. Start with the small, personal mountains, and work to way the top of the world Mount Everest 29, 035 feet above the earth!
6. A Growth mindset – The climbers who summited Mt Everest saw Challenges as an opportunity to grow and develop. There is an old saying “What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger” Look at your, personal mountains, as a way to grow.
7. Willingness to be uncomfortable – There is no growth or victory until you get out if your comfort zone. The hardship a climber experiences on a climb is chilling. No pun intended. Climbing your, personal mountains, will definitely get you out of your comfort zone or it is not a mountain!
What can we learn from them? We learn that where there is a will, there is a way. All obstacles can be called, personal mountains, you have to climb them all one step at a time, carrying a heavy load, with frozen limbs, totally exhausted by the effort of just putting one foot in front of the other and when you finally reach the top, you have to still get back down!
If ordinary people can do it, you can climb your, personal mountains, as well. Live your dreams and dream big, really big.
Imagine being diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis and deciding to climb to the top of Mt Everest with no previous experience!
Believe in the unbelievable!
Climb beyond your limits, it is all a matter of Mind over Matter
If you have a friend that needs encouragement, feel free to share this episode and remember to subscribe and post a review.
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Do you know that your, core beliefs, affect everything you do in life? Well it’s true. What you believe is how you show up in every circumstance in your life.
Listen to full interview here:
For example: Do you consistently find yourself in situations where men are trying to bully you or treat you less than you are worth? It may because of a, core belief, that started with how your father treated your mother or even you.
Introduction Core Beliefs
Your, core belief, could be that you are a victim and that belief keeps you trapped in that story.
The thing about a, core belief, is that it cannot be easily changed.
Here is a quote from Tony Robbins that explains the power of, core beliefs,:
“All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in, core beliefs. So how do we change? The most effective way is to get your brain to associate massive pain to the old belief. You must feel deep in your gut that not only has this, core belief cost you pain in the past, but it's costing you in the present and, ultimately, can only bring you pain in the future. Then you must associate tremendous pleasure to the idea of adopting a new, empowering belief.”
We all have existing, core beliefs, in four areas:
How we feel love,
our self-worth,
how we feel security, and
fulfillment.
Life after death.
Your, core beliefs, can't be changed simply by throwing out an old one and adopting a new one, like changing your wardrobe. The change must come at the level of self-awareness to help you achieve any goal.
Examples of, Positive Core Beliefs
A, positive core belief, is pure and direct. It gives you a clear sense of who you are. It isn’t confused, conflicted, or compromised. Let’s take steps to make this the kind of, core belief, you are activating. Step one is to bring your, core beliefs, into awareness. The four key beliefs you want to activate are:
I am loving and lovable.
I am worthy.
I am safe and trusting.
I am fulfilled and whole.
The bible teaches that for God to answer prayer you must first believe and have faith that God is first able and willing to give you the desires of your heart; but there are ways to improve the chances that God will answer your prayer. A prayer is a special kind of intention or, core belief. Therefore, the rules that apply to the, Power of intentions, which are rules about consciousness, apply.
Your prayer will be answered, or not, depending on events happening out of sight – but not out of mind. The mind furnishes the mechanics of making any intention come true. An intention or prayer request, sent to God needs faith to rocket it to the heavens. An intention to graduate at the top of your class or to marry the man of your dreams takes focus, diligence and action. The bible also teaches “Faith Without Works Is Dead”.
Are you rejecting love because of your, core belief?
If you have not found love even after several tries, then you have to look deeply at what you are doing to push love away. Do you have a, core belief, that you are unlovable? How much pain is that belief causing you? It will take a lot of work; but you have to believe that God’s light shines in you and that you deserving of love and happiness.
Do you feel empty inside all the time even though you have all the outward symbols of success like a nice home, a loving husband, a good job, 2 kids and a dog? Then your, core belief, could be that you need to make a contribution to the world like Mother Theresa or like Nelson Mandela to feel fulfilled. You have to change that, core belief, that maybe your purpose is to support your children and help them to fulfill their purpose in the world. Sometimes our role in God’s kingdom is not to change the world but to change one person!
As Tony Robbins says, you must associate tremendous pleasure to your new, core belief, For example. See yourself in a loving and fulfilling relationship, going on dream vacations and having a wonderful life together and believe that you are a woman any man can love!
Our Cognitive Bias: Construction Of The Self-Concept
Self-concept refers to how one perceives themselves, their past experiences, their abilities, their prospects for the future, and any other aspect of the self. Aaron Beck’s cognitive triad, discussed below, deals with self-concept and the construction of the self. The basic idea of how our self-concepts and cognitive biases affect our lives has to do with automatic thoughts.
For example, someone with a negative “self-referential schema” is more likely to take things personally, leading to automatic thoughts like “People are not talking to me because I am an unlikable person”, rather than exploring other possibilities (Disner et al., 2017). A negative self-referential schema can also lead to increased severity of depression symptoms. Most importantly, a negative self-concept can lead to an unending cycle of negative thoughts.
This is because people with negative self-referential schemas exhibit an attentional bias. For example, when asked to decide whether an adjective is self-referential or not, people with depression are more likely to endorse negative adjectives than healthy controls, and they show an attentional bias by being quicker to endorse negative adjectives and quicker to reject positive adjectives than healthy controls (Disner et al., 2017). In turn, being likelier to endorse negative adjectives is correlated with longer “retrospectively reported” depressive episodes, demonstrating the cycle of negativity.
We all know that there's a lot of, tension, right now in the world. We can't even just say America because this is a global pandemic. There's a lot of uncertainty so living with, intention, relieves stress.
A few weeks ago I was looking at these large groups and wondering If I would ever again be comfortable at a concert or a parade with thousands of people? Will our consciousness around this, tension, be changed forever?
Listen to the full interview
Introduction Intentional living in the Tension
So how do we traverse this, tension, with, intention? We shouldn't always just react, we should have some, intention.
Meanwhile, one of the things I also want to mention is, intentional living. Some people are have the, intention, to live intentionally. The people who practice, intentional living, are called, minimalists. What, minimalists, do for intentional living is they intentionally live with few possessions. They do that because, intentional living, with only the items that support your purpose, is one of the ways to live with, intention. So, minimalists, are saying “we don't need all this stuff, we're getting rid of all this junk and we're going to practice, intentional living.
Minimalists, made me remember or think about the tiny homes movement.
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Thane Marcus Ringler, is a former professional golfer turned speaker, writer and development coach living in Denver Colorado with his wife, Evan. Thane's mission is to help others live and work better. He's passionate about speaking to the journey from the journey and is striving to empower this generation to take ownership of their lives and never settle for less than they're capable of.
Thane is the host of the “Up and Comers” show – a podcast all about the process of becoming and, intentional living, while sharing stories from other inspiring Up and Comers. Find out more about Thane and his work on, intention, in the, tension, by visiting him on the web.
Alright, I'm going to digress a little bit from the normal start to my interviews, because, I love your podcast the Up and Comers show because I love stories. Stories are a good way to teach as you said; you do stories on, living intentionally. Do you follow the format of the American life podcast? They perfected storytelling and became the first popular podcast.
Thane – Thanks for asking. It's been a really fun journey of about four years now. Obviously when you do something for that length of time, it changes a lot as you do it. It kind of shifts and iterates into different forms; but ultimately it was mirrored off of similar shows like the Tim Ferriss show or even the Joe Rogan experience. In that, they're long-form interviews that are more of a dance than a system, with the length of time being on average with interviews around 90 minutes.
It allows someone's story to really be told. People that are, living intentionally, like you said earlier, in this, tension, because I think that is the big difference between, intentional living, and maybe normal living.
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Myrna – Yes, I love hearing how we can do, intentional living. Whether it's intentional for personal growth which is basically my, intention, learning something every day and not to be reactive, living intentionally.
Thane – Everyone does have a story to tell and I think those are really fun to hear from other people mine. I grew up in Kansas, the Central heartland of America and ended up going to California for college, spent about 10 years out there in LA. Vastly different cultures just socially and interacted with a lot of different peoples within that timeframe. I did play golf.
My whole life I was an athlete and competitor; I ended up getting to play about four years professionally, that was a really neat journey. I felt very blessed to have that opportunity in the second half of my career when I faced that injury that repeated about five times over a year and a half that sidelined me for a lot of it. That was very frustrating; but also diversified my interests.
During that time, I started the podcast with a buddy of mine. Thereafter, I started on my journey of writing the book that you talked about last time. From Here to There was my first book and that was really about the experience of playing golf. My whole life in a high level taught me about how to pursue excellence in any field and then from that I kind of went on building a speaking career and pursuing more opportunities as a speaker.
That was a really neat adventure. This coaching practice has kind of been the main focus outside of professional golf for the last three years, working with individuals on personal and professional development.
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Using the power of intention to get unstuck in life
A lot of times that involves three types of people:
People who are stuck and want to get unstuck.
Some who are transitioning or starting something on the side and want help with finding the right path to follow or even the feedback that they need to hear on how they can develop to set themselves up for success.
Then, finally people who want to level up in their work or in their lives and need some extra accountability and objectivity to do that.
That's been a really fulfilling process for me, I help people live with, intention. Playing golf I was more focused on myself and not other people. Most recently, this year I got married at the start of COVID and moved to Denver where my wife and I now live, and that's been a really sweet transition even though so much change is going on in our world. We've definitely experienced a lot of that even personally.
This fall, I'm really excited. In November, the two online courses I’ve been building are going to be finally released and that's been the next chapter that I’m really excited about.
Myrna – So, how does the, power of intention, help when you're stuck, afraid alone like many of us during this pandemic?
One of the areas that you mentioned that you coach is helping people who are in the stuck place in life. I would probably think that most of the people that are coming into the life coaching conversation is stuck somewhere, right?
Well as humans, we all are to some extent constantly either stuck in a circular movement. Usually that means digressing or decaying in some way where we're growing, we're moving forward and there's really in between there's no sitting on the fence in the middle of those two sides, at least not for very long. I like to think, as humans, I think our natural default if we don't make a choice is to go down the path of least resistance and not live with, intention.
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So, if we don't choose, living intentionally, we're going to be going downhill. Our brains are designed that way. In order to go upstream or the path of most resistance, we have to have effort and, intention, which is ultimately discipline. Discipline is effort, and, intention, is saying “I’m going to choose to go upstream and I’m going to put forth the effort to do so by rowing or whatever the illustration”.
I struggled with this idea that in practicing, there's a practice and performance mentality. I think this would be helpful for what we're talking about. Here, the practice mentality is saying “I’m going to hold myself to a higher standard with, intention.” I think I can achieve, intention, because of practice. It's okay to fail in practice because, there are no consequences; but I’m going to try to reach a level that I didn't even think I can reach”.
That's good training for, intentional living. When we come to a performance, if we maintain that mindset and we keep failing to reach that super high level we start beating ourselves up – like “Oh! You suck, you aren't good enough, you're never going to get there, and you’re never going to perform.
Thane – What we are speaking about is self-awareness. A lot of times, having a self-awareness to know what we need ourselves – means we need to understand ourselves. I think the three primary tools of self-awareness are journaling and reflecting which is just sitting with a pen and paper. Now looking back on a situation or a day or a moment or our lives and understanding it more clearly. That’s feedback, you're thinking about having a person in your life whether it be a coach, mentor, family member, a close friend or confidant who can help you see more objectively; because we are inherently subjective.
Then there is meditation, just being able to sit in the present moment and remove the distractions that cloud our vision and by using those three primary tools. We get way better at seeing ourselves clearly, so that we can steer ourselves better and live with, intention.
Myrna – Self-awareness and meditation, that's awesome.
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What does it mean to live with, intention in the, tension?
Myrna – When I researched, intentions, what came up was Justin Bieber's song –intentions, he's talking about shower you with my, attention. These are my only, intentions. So, let's dive in and talk about these, intentions, in the, tension.
Thane – The, intention, is really the reason behind what we do. So, intentional living, is just infusing a why, a reason or purpose into our daily lives, our daily thoughts or daily actions. Again, it doesn't happen by chance. We don't default into this, we have to choose it and so a lot of it really revolves around purpose and identity. In the whole phrase, intention, in the, tension, my co-founder of the podcast; Adam Setzer came up with that term.
I think it's just a catchy phrase to show that in life we face, tensions, we all know this very well right now in the COVID 19 pandemic. There are people that are on the one side of the, tension, (always wear masks). And there are people saying, “no don't ever wear masks.” Everyone's at a different place, some are following President Trump saying this pandemic is nothing and it would go away and some people are so fearful, they stay home, because there's a lot of, tension.
So, those are just two myriads are the more permanent or pressing right now; but every single day we have, tension, that we face even from exercise.
Tension during the COVID 19 Pandemic
Try getting married during COVID, like I did. You have, tension, as a newly married couple during COVID 19. The point of, tensions, isn't to pick a side and then just rest on that side. A lot of times with, the power of intention, the best place to be is in the middle, in the gray, in the messy, tension. By choosing a side, we eliminate the, tension, but really that isn't the best place to be.
The best place is to be in the middle. When we're living in the, tension, we have to infuse, intention, and a purpose or reason. Why? So that we can be able to see both sides with some fairness, with some objectivity without camping out and saying okay I’ve already made my mind. I already know everything and I’ve already arrived. That is never true for any of us in life, so a lot of it revolves around recognizing that there are, tensions, and then understanding our purpose and our identity.
Myrna – There's a lot going on right now. Everybody is talking about how divorce rates has just shot up, because people are forced to be together with, tension. There's a lot of, tension, because there's no outlets; but I like what you said, I’m a Christian and I was just finished reading this really fabulous book, Think like a Monk by Jay Shetty and one of the things I learned from that book is that we don’t always get back the love from the people we give it to.
Jay Shetty shared a story when he was in this monk. He's complained to the senior monk that he was giving all this out this service and love and he was not getting anything back. Then, the senior monk told him that a lot of times when you give out love, you don't get it back from the same people but the universe always send it back.
So, we are giving out love to let's say a spouse or children or something and we're expecting it back; but love like Jesus said love your enemy as your friend. You should know that the foundation of the Bible is ALL LOVE. It's not necessary that you’re going to love somebody that loves you. If you love your enemy, then obviously they don't love you back.
So, if you have the, intention, that you're going to love unconditionally and maybe it's will boomerang back to you, even if it's not from this person; but you're going to get it back somehow. That actually makes it easier.
Hope and the Power of Intention
Myrna – What do you think helps us live full of hope and live with, intention, in 2020?
Thane – HOPE, as you earlier mentioned is I believe, readily available for anyone at any time. I think hope is the fuel that comes from just reframing our perspective on things. When your perspective is simply your view of a situation, an object or yourself and guess what that can be viewed from many different places, hope in 2020 as you rightly said is something that more and more people are feeling hopeless.
I think it starts just by reframing our perspective. My book “Catalyst for Hope”. It's really just talking about four catalysts or four simple perspectives that I’ve found to unlock a lot of hope in my life.
We can always do this and it’s very simple. The fact that we are all in process that has not finished yet, is not over. We get to keep going forward and we get to keep moving. We still have a choice and a chance to live, breathe and do work in this world. Be a part of the change we wish to see.
In conclusion
Myrna – Tell us about your online courses, you told me you have two of them. One is “Growing Self-awareness” and we have talked about that, which is great. Another word for Self-awareness is “Consciousness”.
I thought I heard something the other day about one of those books – Think like a Monk that he mentioned, that consciousness is the biggest way to live with, intention. I mean it's a word that everybody throws around and nobody knows what it is. However, self-awareness and consciousness is like hope. What I mean is, if you practice it and you live in it, then it's the biggest thing that you can do in your life.
The other book title is “Developing Discipline”. Of course, as a professional golfer discipline is big. Discipline is the most fundamental component of being a good leader. Meanwhile, being a good leader starts always with self leadership, you have to be able to lead yourself well before you can lead others.
Thane – I'm all about growing self leadership for myself and for others. These two courses, I believe are going to help with self-awareness and discipline being fundamental aspects. In the two courses, what people can expect is they're both eight-week courses and so it's self-directed meaning – if you want to go faster or slower, you can.
I recommend eight weeks and that's how it's set up because it gives us enough time to really put these things into practice. Then thereafter, start shifting our identity and the way we see ourselves with these things so we can start saying I'm not just pursuing discipline, I am a disciplined person and that's the shift that we want to make in those eight weeks.
Are you on a quest to, find your purpose? It is the only way to find fulfillment and the secret to happiness. Dr. Ken Keis shares six holistic approaches or benchmarks in your quest for, purpose.
Intro to our topic:
Dr. Ken Keis, is a highly sought-after author, speaker, trainer, podcast host, and TV and media guest. His latest books include: Why Aren't You More Like Me?, Deliberate Leadership, and The Quest For Purpose.
A story on how to find your purpose
So many people listening have been trapped down a pathway that was really sort of conditioned from their background. I woke one morning and asked myself if this was what I wanted to be doing in 20 years from now, and the answer was no. So, I immediately took action. I decided to quit farming and hired a coach to help me figure out what I wanted to do in life. My, quest to, find my purpose, began. What was my purpose in life? The answer, to help others to live, lead and work on purpose. This is the question to, find your purpose.
My coach passed away from cancer many years ago now, and I just took his process and then added and enhanced it. Basically it was a self-discovery narrative and an interactive sort of process to, find your purpose.
What are the six Holistic approaches to, find your purpose?
A lot of times what happens people don't realize their, purpose, because the question is too big. It's overwhelming and what we're trying to do here is get people to fine tune all the components of their life to go to the next level.
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So let's go through these benchmarks to, find your purpose.
1. First Benchmark is, Personal Style, CRG is an assessment company. In our quest to, find your purpose, one of our assessments is called “the personal style indicator.” We believe that we are all born with a certain Personal style. Not right not wrong and we develop and we change and we mature in life but our personal style never changes. Myrna is the same Myrna from 10 years ago. In other words Myrna can wake up in the morning and still count on Myrna being Myrna.
2. Biophysical Influences, like Health concerns, physical and mental disabilities. The statistics of North American health is that 75 to 80 percent of people are unwell at some level and another 50 percent are diabetic or pre-diabetic. So there's no way if I am thinking of, finding my purpose, if I'm sick. I don't have energy, I have chronic fatigue syndrome, I have immunity disorder or whatever is going on. 90 to 95 percent of all illness is lifestyle related. In my quest to, find my purpose, I need to take my body and treat it well. If I have a racehorse and I don't take care of that racehorse and then try to have it win the Kentucky Derby, it’s not going to happen.
3. Self-worth – What you think of yourself. We have another assessment called “the self-worth inventory” to, find your purpose, our confidence levels highly influence the decisions we make or not make. So maybe you actually have an idea of your, purpose, but you don't have the courage to step into it.
4. Environmental systems – Schools , workplace, culture. We are a product of our environment. If I grew up in Florida versus LA or New York, Toronto or Vancouver versus Afghanistan, I'm going to have a different perspective on life and possibly a different path to, find my purpose.
5. Social Teachers – Parents, teachers, pastors As a kid you you very curious. You watched how your parents interacted, they're teaching you how to treat others. The songs you listened to there's now linkage towards violence and video games. In your quest to, find your purpose, be aware of what you’re letting in, who you’re working with, who are nurturing your personal relationships.
6. Emotional Anchors or triggers – Divorce, physical and verbal abuse, death of a loved one are all triggers. Any kind of event in life that causes either positive or negative associations becomes a trigger. Every single person listening or reading has triggers. You had an event in life that creates an emotional response. This goes back to a trigger that has been anchored, in many cases these triggers are subconscious. In your quest to, find your purpose, you don't realize your, purpose, because you’re angry. You can also have unforgiveness. You have not really released yourself of this traumatic event. I had my girlfriend when I was 21 years old murdered by a friend of mine. If I didn’t let go of that event from 1982, it would affect me forever.
7. Spirituality, – This is a bonus because it covers everything. We are spiritual beings have a human experience. All of these seven benchmarks, come together to develop the whole person. They are essential in our quest to, find your purpose. That's why developing all these areas is critic to finding your, life purpose.
Spirituality, is also consciously spending time developing yourself. It is a fact that you create your world. Most of us believe that we are product of circumstances; but if you believe that you actually can design and create your world, that's what you will create. So yes, spirituality, the spiritual part of you is very important to, finding your purpose.
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Very powerful conversation with Dr. Ken Keis. Dr Keis is the author of “The Quest for Purpose” A self-discovery process to find it and live it!
To listen to the full episode, download on iTunes, Google play, Sticher, TuneIn radio, iHeart radio.
To quickly summarize, Dr. Keis gave us seven personality development models called benchmarks, that can help you in your quest to, find your purpose, we talked about personality style, we talked about wellness and stress and how it affects how you show up in life, we talked about, self-worth and self-confidence. How that affects what you go after. We talked about the, environmental systems, where you were born and what your parents expect you to become. We talked about, social teachers, the news and our, emotional triggers. If something bad happened to you a lot of times, people can't get over it. This event hijacks them and it controls most of their thinking.
We talked about, spirituality, which is all-encompassing because we are spiritual beings and what we believe, has one of the most predominant effects in your quest to, find your purpose.
What does it take to be happy? We live in a culture where, happiness, is largely based on external forces – like what we get and what we achieve. And when our life conditions don’t match our expectations, we experience pain and fear, we suffer. But imagine what it would feel like to create a constant sense of inner peace and freedom, and live each day in a beautiful state of, happiness.
Listen to the podcast here:
What’s preventing you from, happiness, and living a life of peace and joy?
Do you believe that others make you happy or are responsible for your, happiness? I used to think so. Until I realized that the definition of, happiness, is true. Happiness, is moving in the direction of your goals and dreams. So because my, happiness, comes from my thoughts and actions, I take away the responsibility of my spouse, friends, co-workers being responsible for my, happiness.
I encourage you to Discover what’s holding you back from being happy. Tap into finding inner peace through meditation and mindfulness that you can use to start living in the, present moment. Happiness, is only found in the present moment. Not in the future or the past. This is the time to sit with your feelings of, unhappiness, pain and regret and maybe find the lesson in them.
Once you sit with pain and, unhappiness, and not try to mask it with drugs, food or any of the things you do to not feel your pain, you can step into the unknown, and allow life to unfold in the beautiful way it is meant to.
https://myhelps.us/how-to-find-happiness-in-2017/
How to be Happy in life, in the present moment
One of the ways I live in the, present moment, is I become aware of the little things that is taking away my, happiness. The small irritations like my husband not answering the phone when I call or my kids leaving the house and saying where they are going.
Learn, how to be happy in life, in the, present moment. No one is responsible for your, happiness. If you live in the present moment then the hurts from the past can't bother you. I remember when Jennifer Gardner was being interviewed about the betrayal of Ben Aflac. He had cheated on her and they were separated and there was a big scandal. Jennifer tried to stay in the, present moment, and be thankful for her 4 kids. She also said that Ben was not responsible for her, happiness. She alone is responsible for her, happiness.
Great lesson because when we give our power away, people will always trample on us. Life gives sand life takes away. The trick to, happiness, is not to be attached to the outcome.
How to be happy in life, by relaxing and releasing
When I feel the, unhappiness, or irritation coming on me, I practice R&R relax and release. When you feel that unwanted frustration you relax breathe deeply and release blow it out. Breathe deeply and blow it out through your mouth.
I learnt this in therapy. When a situation makes you, unhappy, and you don't attend to the hurt or pain. We stuff it down. We are not aware of what we are doing but we are hard wired to move away from pain and move towards pleasure, so when we feel pain or, unhappiness, we run from it.
So we self medicate with drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or whatever is around. In that way, we bury the pain. Whenever something is in the vicinity of this pain, we feel this tension in our gut because that is where we stored this pain. We begin to be, unhappy and we are not even sure why so we again stuff it down with drugs, alcohol, food and sex. We never want to feel.
To stop this cycle. Whenever you feel this feeling. Don't try to stuff down instead relax into it. Feel the pain, sit with it. Then breathe. Breathe to relax into it and then breathe it out. Try it next time some external situation makes you, unhappy.
In the, pursuit of happiness, material things such as money, a big house, fame, or fancy cars do not make us happy. Instead we need to first love and accept ourselves to be happy. Money or fame magnifies our, unhappiness, because now you are not sure who your friends are and you become obsessed about keeping this wealth.
How to be happy in life, with less is learning to find happiness in relationships, with family, with health, with being alive.
Daily habits to find, happiness
Smile. You tend to smile when you're happy. …
Exercise. Exercise isn't just for your body, it is for the mind. It releases endorphins for, happiness.
Get plenty of sleep, serotonin, the feel good hormone is released during sleep. That is why we are bitchy and, unhappy, with lack of sleep.
Eat with the, pursuit of happiness, in mind. …
Be grateful. Gratitude is the forerunner to, happiness. You can't be, unhappy, if you are feeling, gratitude
Give a compliment – giving a compliment makes other happy and that is turn makes you happy. Happiness, is serving others.
Breathe deeply. – breathing deeply releases tension in our muscles and relaxes the body.
Acknowledge the unhappy moments – don't try to stuff them down or ignore them. They are already here. Acknowledge them and let them know you see them and that this too shall pass. You will be able to look back at these moments and laugh one day.
Love, is a spirit and if you speak to love it will return back to you when you call it. Black Love, is no different; but we need to change the narrative because, Black women, deserve, love.
I think that, love, is waiting for everyone to be silent, so that, love, can speak for itself.
Today we are celebrating, black love. My guest is Lisa Kimberle author of “500 ways to celebrate black love”
Here is the synopsis of 500 ways to celebrate, Black Love
500 ways to celebrate, black love, provides an accelerating approach to, black love, relationships. Love coach and enthusiast Lisa Kimberle gets candid through personal reflection in hope of inspiring real, black love, stories. This is her, love story, a story filled with passion and discovery that led her to a wonderful fulfilling, black love, relationship. This is a, black love book, and it introduces the, blackdatebox, a subscription box created with love for all relationship stages. Black love box, asks the question, what is, black love? It celebrates, black love, and highlights black owned businesses and retailers.
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Why did you write the book “500 ways to black to celebrate, black love?”
For me it all started from my personal journey. What I was personally going through in my, love story. I was in a relationship and everything seemed right, we were very compatible. It seemed like it was love at first sight, and then when we further got in the relationship, we discovered that we just were not meant to be together. He was not a bad person or anything like that; but it was for someone else, it wasn't for me and we were both totally fine ending the relationship. It was a three year journey that I spent discovering, what is black love.
I started researching family history and I discovered things and thoughts that existed within the family passed down from my grandparents and from my parents. One of the interesting things that I discovered about my grandmother was that for whatever reason my grandmother hated relationships. I kind of discovered during the journey about, black love, and what to do to break your patterns, because these patterns are cyclical and runs for generations.
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I don't know your, love story; but I know as a, Life coach, I know women who cycle from abusive relationships into new abusive relationships. That’s their pattern, and they keep going into those relationships. They don't look for them, but it just happens. So what you're saying is exactly what happens, we all attract the same kind of man and it's something unconsciously that we're doing. You traced your pattern and you found that it came from parental influence.
The second thing I discovered when I began researching, black love, is that the internet portrayed, black love relationships, as nonexistent. I bumped into articles such as the one in Marie Claire magazine titled “Marriages are for white people” and then when I read the article it goes further on to explain how, marriage, isn't for, black women!
So now I am dealing with the generational belief passed down from my parents and grandparents, then it’s the societal belief that, black women, does not deserve, love.
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No, Love, is a spirit and it does not define color. But as, black women, we have some challenges to find fulfilling black, love story. After my 3 year relationship went sour, I really wanted to help, black women, find that perfect, love story. Since I couldn’t find any, black love books, I decided to write one.
I believe that, love, is a spirit and if you speak to, love, it will return back to you when you call it.
I think that, love, is waiting for everyone to be silent, so that love can speak for itself.
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What is Quantum Water Leaping and how does this celebrate, Black Love?
Black Couples, Quantum Water Leaping is utilizing water as a representation of life. I believe that water is life and so if it's used as a representation to cleanse out the old, love story, whatever that is, whether it's past relationships, marriages, things that you haven't forgiven yourself for concerning past relationships or anything thing that can hinder your, black love relationship. Black couples, are using that water and jumping into like a new, love story. It’s a quantum leap.
Black Couples, Quantum Jumping is all about strengthening, black love relationships, because it is very true that relationships breakup because we're carrying baggage. Leaping from one to the next is a perfect way to drop off your baggage!
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How does the, Blackdatebox, Help, Black Love Relationships?
The, blackdatebox, or, black love box, is a quarterly subscription, love box, that was created to celebrate, black love. We celebrate, black love, depending on the season such as Christmas and other holidays or occasions that, black couples, wants to celebrate. For example there is a quarantine, love box.
It has most of what you need to create a date at home and while you're on the stay at home experience, you will kindle a deeper level of communication, a deeper level of, love.
The, black love Box, comes with the rose petals and the candles and whatever you need to create a romantic date.
We are coming into summer so the summer celebration, blackdatebox, 2020 has fireworks inside the box. There's two different boxes for the summer celebration because some, black couples, may want to have a daytime date, so I have a brunch box. I work with a chef she lives in Alabama her name is Erika Barrett she makes these excellent pancakes, so she's one of the African American business that are featured in the box. The, blackdatebox, comes with decorations for the ambiance and all the, black couples, have to do is add the feelings of, love!
I also have a product that is amazing. It's a game with miracle berries and they're actually from Ghana and some people have taste tripping parties.
You take these berries and they're intact in form and then they dissolve on your tongue. You have to let it dissolve for about 10 minutes, once it dissolves and you suck a lemon or a lime it is going to turn everything that you're tasting, sweet. It's an amazing experience.
When somebody goes out and purchases your book, what do you hope that they will come away with?
I'm hoping that my readers get inspired and more empowered. I'm hoping that it will inspire them to their own self journey to finding, black love, and discoveries of their family history that could be blocking, black love. I want to change the narrative of, black love, and society. I want my book to be a form of mental jogging.
How do you advise women to set their intention for, black love?
Whenever you have good intentions for being in a relationship then you will manifest those intentions. One way to set intentions is with daily affirmations. Some of these affirmations are:
I am loved
I am black and lovable
I am black excellence
If your intentions are that you want, love, because of loneliness, change your intentions. Your purpose for wanting a relationship must be because you have something to give, not want. If you set your intentions in a good way then you'll receive good results. Call, love, and it will come!
I pray that everyone every listener, every reader of my book that this will be the best year of, Black love, or any other love for them. I just want to pray that, Love, Finds them from the north, the South, the east and the West. I just want to pray that they receive total healing.
Use, what's in your hand, God pre-loaded you with the, talent, you need to be successful in life. You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and, talent, you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
What's in your Hand?
Moses was just like most of us. We don't believe that we have, talent, or that we were born with anything God can use to build his kingdom. But God interrupted this lie. Moses was hitting 80 years old, he was ready to retire. You know, settle down with the grand kids and rock on his front porch.
But there’s a bush that is burning and Moses’ life was about to get flipped upside down. God called to Moses from the burning bush and asked Moses to go to the Pharaoh and tell him to let my people go.
Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Then the Lord said to him, “What's in your hand,?” “A staff,” he replied. The Lord said, “Throw it on the ground.” Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it.” [Ex. 4:1-3]
In Exodus chapter 3 , Moses had many doubts and many fears. He came up with tons of excuses. But God asked Moses, what's in his hand.
We know Moses had a shepherd’s staff in his hand, a dead thing. But then he laid it down and it became a snake. A dead thing became a living thing, and a dangerous thing at that. So dangerous in fact that Moses actually runs from it! God says to pick it again and it becomes a dead thing again.
Before we discover what God has created us for, we must be willing to lay down our income, lay down our status, lay down our perfection, lay down our finances, Don't eat your seed; lay down our children, lay down our relationships, lay down our self-pursuits to discover our God given, talent.
Just like God told Moses, I believe God is telling people today to lay it down. Will you not lay down your identity? Many of us are defined by our job, our education, our financial status, or marital status. But Galatians 2:19 reminds us that, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” Yes, it’s no longer about me, but rather Christ who lives in me. God is saying, Let me be the one to give you identity and a meaningful life.
Stop asking when you are going to get your gifts or, talent, or calling and see, what’s in your hand.
But there’s a bush that is burning and Moses’ life is about to get flipped upside down.
Before we find our passion and calling, we must be willing to lay down our influence and recognition.
The recognition of man pales in comparison to what God has called us to. God is asking if you’re willing to lay down our dead things so he can make them come to life. Many people are living lives that are dead; it feels comfortable and safe and controllable.
But when God gives us a vision for our life like He did with Moses, we’re able to see the power God has for us, the purpose he promises us, and the plan he wants for us. It might scare us. Some might even want to run away from because it’s terrifying and they won’t know how to handle the amazing things God has for them.
Perhaps you’ve said “I want God to use me!” I know many believers who feel that way. Perhaps your daily life now seems quite monotonous and unimportant, and you wish that light-bulb moment would happen when you know you’re making a significant and lasting difference for His kingdom. You see others in the spotlight who God seems to be using in a big way, and you try hard to not allow envy to grow in your heart. Will you ever be able to use your God-given, talent, to their full potential?
Whenever a lasting desire shows up in the human heart I believe it’s evidence of the way in which God made us. Those desires often become distorted or are directed in unhealthy directions, but the desire is from God. Your desire to make a difference is proof that God made you for a reason, both for this life and for eternity. You and I will never feel completely satisfied until we fulfill the purpose for which He created us.
But we’re not born with everything we need to fill the role for which God made us. The seeds are there, but in order to fill a role that’s big enough to qualify as God-sized, you and I need to grow up in all kinds of ways. And the way to get there is to begin using what’s in our hands right now.
In the Bible, Moses had spent forty years being educated in Pharaoh’s court, and another forty years on the back-side of the desert herding sheep. When God appeared to Him in the burning bush Moses felt ignored, beaten down, old, and anything but ready for some significant role in God’s plan. But God would hear none of His excuses.
When Moses complained that the leaders of Israel would not believe his incredible story of hearing directly from God, God asked him, “What’s in your hand,?” All Moses had was a shepherd’s staff, and God immediately demonstrated His miraculous power using that staff. (Exodus 4:1-5) It was with that very staff that God through Moses would later part the Red Sea, bring water out of a rock, and bring the Israelites victory over their foes in battle.
You have something in your hand right now as well. It may seem no more impressive than a shepherd’s staff, but it may be just the, talent, God needs to use in accomplishing His purpose.
