Candice McCain joins life coach Myrna Young to share her journey through, alcohol addiction, and lessons learned from alcoholics anonymous (AA). Dealing with grief and battling cancer, as detailed in her book “Facing Fear, Finding Hope.” Through personal anecdotes and lessons learned from AA, Candice reveals how spirituality and resilience have guided her through life's challenges. This episode is a testament to facing adversity and finding light amidst darkness, with a focus on hope, healing, and the importance of having a support system. Candice's story offers inspiration and practical advice for anyone navigating their own difficult path.
The power of spirituality and AA support: Embracing spirituality and seeking support through programs like AA can significantly aid in overcoming, alcohol addiction.
Transformative life lessons from adversity: Challenging experiences often foster resilience, self-awareness, and personal growth.
Handling grief and maintaining hope: Grief can be managed and hope sustained through faith, gratitude, and purposeful action.
Introduction
In an insightful conversation between life coach Myrna Young and guest Candice McCain, several profound themes emerge surrounding alcoholism, loss, and finding hope amidst fear. Through recounting personal experiences, McCain reveals how overcoming life’s tribulations has shaped her into a beacon of hope for others. This article explores pivotal themes from their discourse, on the Transform Your Mind podcast, shedding light on lessons learnt from AA that can help anyone navigating similar struggles.
The Power of Spirituality and AA Support for Alcohol Addiction
Alcoholism is a formidable challenge, but Candice McCain’s story illustrates the transformative power of spirituality and structured support systems. She recounts her descent into alcoholism and, alcohol addiction, stemming from an inability to cope with pain and stress. Feeling powerless, she found solace in drinking as a means to escape reality. However, a pivotal moment arrived when she reached out to an old friend who was unknowingly an alcoholic. This serendipitous connection led her to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
“By the grace of God, this person said, Candice, I'm picking you up and I'm taking you to AA.”
AA’s foundational approach of combining spirituality with community support played a critical role in McCain's recovery from, alcohol addiction. She highlights the importance of admitting powerlessness over alcohol—a crucial step in AA’s program.
“Step one meant I am powerless over alcohol, and my life's become unmanageable.”
The transformation deepened as she embraced the spiritual elements of the program, which advocates for turning one's will and life over to a higher power. McCain’s shift from self-pity to spiritual faith brought light into her life, fostering a gradual but powerful journey towards sobriety.
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Life’s adversities can often be a source of profound personal growth and transformation. McCain’s experiences underscore the lessons learned from AA in facing significant challenges head-on. Her relationship with her father, an influential figure in her life, shaped many of her values and fears. His advice ranged from the importance of hard work to the necessity of independence for women.
“He taught me to work hard and that hard work wouldn't kill me. He told me that life was to be enjoyed.”
However, the pressures to meet these expectations sometimes led McCain to struggle with her self-worth. The turning point came through AA’s principle of “maintaining one's side of the street,” which taught her to focus on her own actions and reactions rather than shouldering undue blame.
“When I started to face everything and recover, I noticed that you really have to go through things, and then you don't have to go through them again… It changed me.”
Furthermore, McCain’s bout with cancer taught her the importance of being proactive, staying informed, and finding joy even in trying times. Her journey reflects how facing fears and adversities cultivates resilience, helping individuals emerge stronger and more self-aware.
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Handling Grief and Maintaining Hope
Dealing with the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest aspects of life. McCain’s account of her father’s battle with pancreatic cancer and eventual passing reveals how to navigate grief while keeping hope alive. She illustrates how maintaining a connection to her higher power through prayer and spiritual practices provided comfort and direction.
“Every day I prayed. Every single morning, I lit candles and prayed, and I did my part and I helped him. And then I left the rest up to my higher power.”
Gratitude also played a central role in handling her grief. By focusing on the positive moments and the chance to give back to her father during his final days, McCain found solace and strength. Her belief in miracles and spiritual experiences further invigorated her with hope amidst sorrow.
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Book: Facing Fear Finding Hope
“So that's really where my book came from, with. From those spiritual experiences, those miraculous experiences like my dad had in a miraculous remission that nobody could explain, no doctor could explain.”
Her story exemplifies the balance of action and faith—doing everything within one’s power and then trusting in a higher power to guide the rest.
McCain’s journey offers insightful lessons on overcoming life’s hurdles with grace and resilience. Her tacit endorsement of AA as a lifeline for those battling alcoholism, the embrace of personal growth through hardship, and the reliance on spiritual faith during times of grief collectively form a powerful testimonial. Such narratives reinforce the notion that even in the face of fear, hope can be found, and life’s greatest challenges can be overcome.
Dr. Sarah Michaud joins the Author's Corner to discuss her book, “Co-Crazy,” and offers insights on overcoming codependency relationships and addiction. Michaud shares her personal journey and provides practical advice on setting boundaries, addressing denial, and focusing on self-care to aid recovery from addictive relationships. Highlighting the importance of confronting one's own needs and fears, she emphasizes how to regain control and achieve personal freedom. Tune in for an enlightening conversation on navigating relationships with addicts and reclaiming your mental health. For more, visit Dr. Michaud's YouTube channel “Leaving Crazy Town” and her articles on The Sober Curator.
Codependency not only affects those in relationships with addicts but extends to many interpersonal dynamics where self-worth is determined by others.
Focusing on oneself rather than trying to control or change the addict or partner often leads to better outcomes.
The first tool to combat codependency is understanding and addressing one's own needs and self-care.
Understanding Codependency: Beyond Addiction
“Most especially women can be codependent, which is really putting other people before you basically—you're deciding who you are by how the world responds to you.”
Dr. Michaud highlights a vital clarification about codependency—a term initially coined within the context of relationships involving substance abuse. The term ‘codependency' has evolved, and it now encompasses a broader range of behaviors where one's self-worth and decisions hinge on external validation.
Broader Implications: The dependency often transcends beyond addiction. Dr. Michaud specifies, “Whether they have a substance abuse problem or not, partners want to change each other.” It's a ubiquitous issue where individuals lose their identity trying to mold others.
Personal Accounts and Expertise: Drawing from her experience and countless sessions with patients, Dr. Michaud illustrates that many individuals—primarily women—navigate life with a peripheral focus, sidelining their desires and needs. This dynamic is pervasive, affecting not just romantic relationships but also parent-child relationships.
The fundamental takeaway here is the poignant realization: codependency isn't merely about substance abuse. It’s about relinquishing control over one's life, thoughts, and emotions to others’ reactions and behaviors.
The Counterintuitive Path to Recovery From Codependency : Focus on Yourself
“People aren't going to like my advice… The more you focus on the addict, the worse it's going to get. What needs to happen is you need to change the focus to yourself.”
This groundbreaking advice may clash with conventional wisdom. Dr. Michaud asserts that redirecting attention from the addict to oneself is crucial for both personal recovery and influencing the addict's behavior.
Set Boundaries and Limits: By establishing firm boundaries and focusing on one's well-being, one inadvertently influences the addict's journey toward recovery. Dr. Michaud gives a potent example: “If I say, ‘Honey, I love you, but I can't continue to live with this addiction unless you go to treatment,' that’s about me, and it’s setting a boundary.”
Avoiding Resentment: This approach also minimizes resentment. Instead of blaming or trying to control, which often backfires, expressing personal feelings and needs garners more respect and understanding: “It's about owning my stuff and the other person can really hear it,” Michaud emphasizes.
This profound shift from external to internal focus not only empowers the individual but also paves the way for healthier interpersonal dynamics.
“The first tool in the book is to look at yourself and to try to take care of yourself a little bit and step away.”
Dr. Sarah Michaud's book, “CoCrazy,” underscores the indispensable role of self-care in breaking free from the chains of codependency. Achieving mental and emotional stability often requires redirecting the energy spent on others back to oneself.
Identifying Personal Needs: Michaud explains, “If you do that enough over a long enough period of time, you're going to lose yourself.” Re-engaging with personal needs and desires is monumental in reclaiming one's identity.
Practical Steps: The book provides concrete strategies for those in the throes of codependency—ranging from professional guidance to everyday self-care routines. This includes setting personal goals, seeking therapeutic support, and fostering hobbies and interests that nurture self-worth.
This approach not only alleviates the mental anguish tied to codependent behaviors but also fosters a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Interweaving personal anecdotes, professional expertise, and actionable steps, this dialogue with Dr. Sarah Michaud serves as a critical guidepost for anyone ensnared in the web of codependency. The core message resonates with authenticity and practical wisdom—realigning focus from external tumult to internal harmony is the linchpin for liberation.
To encapsulate:
Redefining Codependency: Understanding the term's evolution and its wide-reaching impact beyond substance abuse.
Transformative Recovery Approach: Emphasizing self-focus over attempting to control others as a more effective recovery strategy.
Self-Care as a Pillar: Implementing self-care and setting boundaries as foundational steps to reclaiming one's life from codependency.
These insights, rooted in Dr. Michaud’s deep expertise and lived experience, provide a roadmap to not only navigate but also transcend the challenges posed by codependency and addiction. By steering the journey towards self-awareness and self-care, individuals can reclaim their autonomy and carve out a path of personal and relational fulfillment.
Drug addiction, is often shrouded in mystery and misconception, particularly when it comes to, high-functioning addicts – individuals who maintain a facade of normality while battling a dependency. This complex issue demands a closer look, not only to lift the veil on the reality of, high-functioning addiction, but also to provide guidance on how to support loved ones grappling with this invisible struggle.
High-functioning addicts, can maintain professional success and social relationships while concealing their, substance abuse.
Recognizing addiction in oneself or others often requires an honest evaluation of dependency and its effects on daily functioning.
Effective support for addicts involves a balance of love and boundaries without enabling destructive behaviors.
About the Guest:
Michaela K. Canterbury is both an established lawyer and a writer. Licensed to practice law in Alaska, she serves as the owner, operator, and lead trial lawyer at Kelly and Canterbury LLC, alongside her husband, Christopher. Michaela also holds the role of an author with her notable work titled “Sister Siren: A Field Guide and How to Love an Addict,” a book delving into addiction and providing guidance on navigating relationships with addicts. She resides in Eagle River, Alaska, where she has cultivated her family and career in the valley and woods that she herself grew up in.
Book Sister Siren A Non Fiction about Drug Addiction
The Facade of Functionality in drug Addiction
High-functioning addicts, walk a tightrope of maintaining professional and social responsibilities while secretly succumbing to, substance abuse. The dichotomy between their outward success and private battles often makes it challenging to spot the, signs of addiction. Understanding this dichotomy is vital in acknowledging and addressing the problem before it escalates.
“We're talking about high functioning until they're not. And then they realize they're high performing.”
This statement from the Michaela K Canterbury encapsulates the paradox of, high-functioning addiction: individuals are able to perform at a high level until they reach a point where they cannot without their substance of choice. It's at this critical juncture that the signs become noticeable – erratic behavior, missed deadlines, disheveled appearance, and a desperate reliance on substances to get through the day.
The transformation from functional to dysfunctional can be both startling and subtle—an enigma in the realm of addiction.
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Identifying Internal Triggers and Recognizing Drug Addiction
The road to recognizing, drug addiction, often begins with a moment of self-awareness, where individuals realize their dependency on substances has become a crutch for dealing with life’s challenges.
“…what you're saying is that people that don't know that they're an addict just think that, hey, I'm just recreational and that they've got it under control.”
Society's casual acceptance of certain drugs as a means to enhance performance or relieve stress can obscure the line between recreational use and, drug addiction. It’s not just about losing control; it’s about the subtleteeness with which dependency enters and takes hold of one’s life.
For some, including the story of Michaela's sister as shared on the podcast, her sister's, drug addiction, begins in adolescence through prescription medication. This early exposure can diminish one’s ability to recognize dependency, making it a normalized part of existence. The evolution from pain management to, drug addiction, is a critical area requiring vigilant monitoring and constant re-evaluation of medication needs and effects.
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Supporting Addicts with Love and Limits
Loving someone with a, drug addiction, is a delicate dance of support and tough love. The key is to assist without enabling, to express care without exacerbating the addiction.
“Don't sign contracts with them… Don't have expectations… step in with love with what you can do.”
Direct quotations from the interview underscore the importance of setting boundaries while maintaining a supportive stance. Providing necessities rather than cash, making time for meaningful interactions, and avoiding co-dependency are ways to help while safeguarding one’s own well-being.
Michaela's experience offers practical guidance: creating a loving environment infused with structure and discipline can chart a path toward healing for both the addict and those who care for them. Navigating this journey requires clarity of intent and an understanding of when to step back – an approach that facilitates recovery without fostering reliance.
In reaffirming these principles, we see the transformative power of a well-structured support system in the fight against, drug addiction. It’s not just about saving the addict; it’s about preserving relationships and promoting a sustainable recovery.
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The phenomena of, high-functioning addiction, is layered and multifaceted. At its core, it's a warning about the dangers of complacency in recognizing substance dependency and other addictions like, sex addiction, gambling addiction, or even addiction to tobacco. It emphasizes the paradox that even those who appear to have it all can struggle deeply. For friends and family, the lesson is clear: be vigilant, be supportive, but also be aware of your own limits. The delicate art of loving an addict involves a dance between empathy and autonomy, care and boundaries, and, above all, an unwavering commitment to seeking a balance that fosters true healing.
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Loving A Drug Addict Family Member
It's very difficult, especially for parents. There's unconditional love in the parental relationship, In most parental relationships. And my mom really thought she was helping. And I also need to caveat this with, now we're way out. Now. My mom suffers from Alzheimer's. We think, in hindsight, that that was beginning to present itself when my sister was in active addiction. So my really thought she was helping.
My sister would say, I need money for my medication. I'm between jobs. So when she would be between jobs, unable to hold a job, she would work at a coffee shop or whatever, and my mom be like, okay, and give her the money for her medication, not knowing the medication was heroin and meth. Thinking that it's her medication for ADHD or whatever, it doesn't matter. And that ended up evolving into my mom enabling my sister's, drug addiction.
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use, the power of the now, to change dysfunctional negative relationships into positive ones and how to use the, power of now, to transform your relationships.
Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it's easy to let them get out of control. Today we study Eckhart Tolle's book “The Power of The Now” on how to improve your relationships. By learning how to use the power of now, you'll be able to align yourself with what's really important in your life, and your relationships will start to improve as a result.
Eckhart Tolle says that everything happens in the now. There is only one point of access and it is the now. And until you access the now, all relationships are deeply flawed. They may seem perfect for a moment when you are in love, but that perfection is lost when disappointment and dissatisfaction set in. If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most love relationships become love hate relationships.
Relationships bloom when we access the power of now
If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most, love relationships, become, love-hate relationships.
When we don’t access, the power of the now, love can turn to hate with the flick of a switch.
Sometimes the relationship continues for a while between the polarities of love and hate. It gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain.
Some couples get addicted to the drama because it makes them feel alive, but when the negative events occur with increasing frequency, the relationship collapses
Here is some, relationship advice, you may think that if you remove the, negative cycles, then the relationship would flower beautifully, but this is not the case. The polarities are mutually interdependent, you cannot have one without the other. The reason we want to be in the now in our relationships is that you can’t access the, pain body, of what he did to me and then bring it forward and relive the pain.
The, power of the now, means unless the event is happening now, it is in the past. The reason Eckhart Tolle teaches that the polarities are mutually interdependent is because your pain feed his pain. Your triggers, trigger his triggers.
The Power of the now eliminates dysfunctional relationships
The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognized as dysfunctional. It is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner, than to see it for yourself. Negativity and your past pain can show up in many forms in your relationship as:
possessiveness,
jealousy,
control,
withdrawal,
resentment,
the need to be right,
insensitivity and self-absorption,
emotional demand’s,
manipulation,
the urge to criticize,
judge, blame, anger, and unconscious revenge.
Quite a list. None of these things happen in, the now.
The positive side can be just as bad. This is the, power of love. When you are in love, someone needs you, wants you and makes you feel special. The feelings of being in love can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.
You become addicted to the other person; he acts on you like a drug. Even the thought of that person no longer loving you, illicit jealousy, emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing, because of fear of loss.
If the other person does leave you, it can lead to the most intense pain from grief or the most intense hostility. Was this love in the first place or just addictive clinging?
Then , survival relationships, comes along. It seems to meet all your needs, at least that is how it appears at first. You now have a new focal point, the person who defines your identity. The person you are in love with. Your world now has a center again, you are loved.
Then there becomes a point when your partner fails to meet your needs. The feelings of fear and lack now resurface, they had been covered up by the love relationship. Like any drug, you are on a high until the drug no longer works for you. When the feelings of fear return, you feel them stronger than they were before and you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. You attack your partner and this awakens their own, pain body, and he may counter your attack. Every attack is manipulation to get your partner to change their behavior.
This is because you refuse to work through your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, shopping, sex you are using something or someone to cover up your pain.
That is why there is so much pain and unhappiness in, romantic relationships. Romantic relationships, do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.
Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. 3 failed marriages are a source of awakening more than if you shut yourself off in a room and refuse to engage in a relationship.
The power of the now, must be strong enough so you don’t get taken over by the thinker or the, pain body.
Bringing, the power of the now, to your relationship means, first you stop judging yourself then you stop judging your partner.
The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is without needing to judge or change them in any way.
You are in a, love relationship, if that person feels the same way about you; other than that you are in a relationship with yourself. Don’t let this love turn into a, love- hate relationship, by constantly bringing up the past. Embrace, the power of the now.
