Tag Archives: addiction and recovery

Healing Codependency and Addiction in Relationships

Dr. Sarah Michaud joins the Author's Corner to discuss her book, “Co-Crazy,” and offers insights on overcoming codependency relationships  and addiction. Michaud shares her personal journey and provides practical advice on setting boundaries, addressing denial, and focusing on self-care to aid recovery from addictive relationships. Highlighting the importance of confronting one's own needs and fears, she emphasizes how to regain control and achieve personal freedom. Tune in for an enlightening conversation on navigating relationships with addicts and reclaiming your mental health. For more, visit Dr. Michaud's YouTube channel “Leaving Crazy Town” and her articles on The Sober Curator.

Download the Podcast Here: 

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Key Takeaways:

  • Codependency not only affects those in relationships with addicts but extends to many interpersonal dynamics where self-worth is determined by others.

  • Focusing on oneself rather than trying to control or change the addict or partner often leads to better outcomes.

  • The first tool to combat codependency is understanding and addressing one's own needs and self-care.

Understanding Codependency: Beyond Addiction

“Most especially women can be codependent, which is really putting other people before you basically—you're deciding who you are by how the world responds to you.”

Dr. Michaud highlights a vital clarification about codependency—a term initially coined within the context of relationships involving substance abuse. The term ‘codependency' has evolved, and it now encompasses a broader range of behaviors where one's self-worth and decisions hinge on external validation.

  • Broader Implications: The dependency often transcends beyond addiction. Dr. Michaud specifies, “Whether they have a substance abuse problem or not, partners want to change each other.” It's a ubiquitous issue where individuals lose their identity trying to mold others.

  • Personal Accounts and Expertise: Drawing from her experience and countless sessions with patients, Dr. Michaud illustrates that many individuals—primarily women—navigate life with a peripheral focus, sidelining their desires and needs. This dynamic is pervasive, affecting not just romantic relationships but also parent-child relationships.

The fundamental takeaway here is the poignant realization: codependency isn't merely about substance abuse. It’s about relinquishing control over one's life, thoughts, and emotions to others’ reactions and behaviors.

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The Counterintuitive Path to Recovery From Codependency : Focus on Yourself

“People aren't going to like my advice… The more you focus on the addict, the worse it's going to get. What needs to happen is you need to change the focus to yourself.”

This groundbreaking advice may clash with conventional wisdom. Dr. Michaud asserts that redirecting attention from the addict to oneself is crucial for both personal recovery and influencing the addict's behavior.

  • Set Boundaries and Limits: By establishing firm boundaries and focusing on one's well-being, one inadvertently influences the addict's journey toward recovery. Dr. Michaud gives a potent example: “If I say, ‘Honey, I love you, but I can't continue to live with this addiction unless you go to treatment,' that’s about me, and it’s setting a boundary.”

  • Avoiding Resentment: This approach also minimizes resentment. Instead of blaming or trying to control, which often backfires, expressing personal feelings and needs garners more respect and understanding: “It's about owning my stuff and the other person can really hear it,” Michaud emphasizes.

This profound shift from external to internal focus not only empowers the individual but also paves the way for healthier interpersonal dynamics.

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The Role of Self-Care: Rebuilding from Within

“The first tool in the book is to look at yourself and to try to take care of yourself a little bit and step away.”

Dr. Sarah Michaud's book, “CoCrazy,” underscores the indispensable role of self-care in breaking free from the chains of codependency. Achieving mental and emotional stability often requires redirecting the energy spent on others back to oneself.

  • Identifying Personal Needs: Michaud explains, “If you do that enough over a long enough period of time, you're going to lose yourself.” Re-engaging with personal needs and desires is monumental in reclaiming one's identity.

  • Practical Steps: The book provides concrete strategies for those in the throes of codependency—ranging from professional guidance to everyday self-care routines. This includes setting personal goals, seeking therapeutic support, and fostering hobbies and interests that nurture self-worth.

This approach not only alleviates the mental anguish tied to codependent behaviors but also fosters a more balanced and fulfilling life.

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Transform your mind Podbean

Summarizing the Narrative: The Journey to Freedom

Interweaving personal anecdotes, professional expertise, and actionable steps, this dialogue with Dr. Sarah Michaud serves as a critical guidepost for anyone ensnared in the web of codependency. The core message resonates with authenticity and practical wisdom—realigning focus from external tumult to internal harmony is the linchpin for liberation.

To encapsulate:

  • Redefining Codependency: Understanding the term's evolution and its wide-reaching impact beyond substance abuse.

  • Transformative Recovery Approach: Emphasizing self-focus over attempting to control others as a more effective recovery strategy.

  • Self-Care as a Pillar: Implementing self-care and setting boundaries as foundational steps to reclaiming one's life from codependency.

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Conclusion

These insights, rooted in Dr. Michaud’s deep expertise and lived experience, provide a roadmap to not only navigate but also transcend the challenges posed by codependency and addiction. By steering the journey towards self-awareness and self-care, individuals can reclaim their autonomy and carve out a path of personal and relational fulfillment.

Resources:

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

Childhood Abuse, has continually been linked to substance abuse for women. In this Episode we look at, Drug and Alcohol treatments, for women with trauma, who were abused by men and parents during childhood.

I interview Dr Tra Ahia who is the author of “Call me an Addict, War on Women

Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

She has been recognized as a champion of woman’s issues. Particularly women who have struggled to maintain a positive balance in their lives despite addiction. As the Therapist for women in Rehab for over 30 years, Dr Ahia was responsible for the, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, who turned to substance abuse to as a means to cope with trauma.

Her work in, addiction and recovery, began some thirty years ago and has empowered thousands of women as they transitioned to a healthy place in their lives. Dr Ahia’s research has been a motivating force in moving many broken women away from the men in their lives that lead them down the path of destruction, confusion, and addiction to a place where they are whole mentally, physically and emotionally with, drug and alcohol treatments.

In the book “Call me an Addict” Dr Ahia tells the brutal stories of 3 women.  We will look at one of these women on the blog and podcast on the, Transform Your Mind radio and Podcast with Life Coach Myrna Young.

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iHeart Radio

This is a summary Kelly's story in the Book “Call me an Addict”

Kelly's first memory at 2 years old was her father punching her in the face for not eating her food.  Then she remembered at 5 years old taking her father’s fingers as she sat on his lap with his friends and sticking them in her vagina!

That was the start of her life that included sex with her father, an alcoholic and abusive mother, promiscuity with men at age 14.

At age 15 her parents gave her away to her boyfriend and moved to another city. She had her first child soon after and was homeless because the boyfriend also moved away to another city and left her to look after a child with no home and no income.

Another man gave her a place to live in return for sex. He ended up marrying her and they had 3 more kids.

Her abuse resulted in her abuse of alcohol and rehab. Her, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, was not successful. She continued to relapse.

Kelly started drinking heavily at 14 years old and used it for escape. It was drinking, sex, and prostitution.

Her story ended with her kids being placed in the custody of child protective services and she being placed in rehab for the 3rd time.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What was so sobering to me hearing this story was how 3 generations were ruined from addictions. Kelly's father and mother were both addicts. She hated them both. She became an addict and then her eldest daughter followed her lifestyle. One of the most profound statements in the story to me was when Kelly said she and her daughter would fight all the time about who was the bigger whore!

As a Life Coach and survivor of child sexual abuse, I can say that the reason my life didn't spin out of control like Kelly's was because even before I knew anything about mindset and the power of intention, I wanted respect. I did not want to be known as a Bad Girl or whore. A girl who is free with sex and all the boys talk about her.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

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In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”, I share a similar story about my molester fingering me in his car as he drove me to school. I had the mindset to become a player in this game of life and not become a victim. You see victims have no power. Like Kelly she was powerless to stop her father from molesting her. In fact, another sobering part of her story was when she told her father “No” and he returned with the handle of a mop and stuck it up her ass. He told her with that move that she was nothing more than his bitch and he could do with her anything he wanted.

But we as women always have power!

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Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

Women are placed in Rehab facilities either by the Police, their families or sometimes they walk in on their own accord

Rehab facilities are an intensive in house process

As the in house Therapist my job was to administer, drug and alcohol treatments to these women with trauma, by helping them to learn from their addictions.

These Therapy sessions were conducted one on one and their, drug and alcohol treatments, were first understanding how they got to that point in their lives.

They first had to accept that they were addicts

These, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were 30 days to 6 months and sometimes even years

Most people including families do not understand that, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were not miracle drugs, these women were trying to get over abuse from their childhood.  They can't be cured in 6 months when they had these traumas for 10, 20 even 30 years.

After the intensive in house, addiction and recovery, treatments these women continue their, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, in an half way house for about one year.  In this house they are expected to remain clean, get jobs, practice self love and self care  and become contributing members to their community.

For more information on Dr Tra Ahia's work and to pick up a copy of her book visit her on the web at www.forlifeservices-cc-com

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Here are some of the Symptoms from Childhood Sexual Trauma Resulting in Addiction.

PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by a traumatic event. Symptoms can emerge months or even years after the sexual trauma. Some common symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, intense distress when exposed to sights, sounds, or smells that trigger memories of the trauma, and bodily reactions when reminded of the trauma.

Dissociation

Dissociation, often associated with PTSD, is feeling disconnected or dissociated from one’s body. It can affect a person’s ability to focus, concentrate and function for periods of time. In an effort to detach from the sexual trauma, people learn to numb themselves from the pain. Dissociation is often referred to as avoidance coping, because survivors use it as a mechanism to escape and pull away from their past.

The Road to Recovery

The recovery from sexual trauma is a healing journey that takes time. Children who have been traumatized by sexual abuse often report feelings such as shame, terror, depression, and guilt. They often blame themselves for the abuse. Although drugs and alcohol can give survivors a moment of reprieve, there are dangerous risks and high costs to that emotional escape.

Sexual abuse not only leaves emotional and psychological scars, but it can lead to dangerous risk-taking behaviors, like using drugs. Substances are only a temporary fix and they can’t erase the past. Fortunately, dark moments don’t have to last, and drugs don’t have to cover unhealed wounds. Survivors can learn healthy coping skills and become a beacon of encouragement and hope to other youth who travel a similar path toward healing.​

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Additional Resources for Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://launchcenters.com/treatment/

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/blog/the-link-between-child-abuse-and-substance-abuse

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/drug-addiction/related-topics/connection-child-abuse/#gref

 

https://myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://myhelps.us/protecting-your-child-from-sexual-abuse-at-home/

https://myhelps.us/surviving-r-kelly-mindset-sexual-predator/