Coach Myrna and guest Allison Carmen delve into the profound concept of embracing uncertainty through Allison's “maybe method.” Discover how reframing uncertainty can propel personal growth, encourage risk-taking, and foster resilience. Allison shares her personal journey from anxiety to thriving, emphasizing the power of possibilities even when life seems unpredictable. Tune in to understand why women, and everyone, can transform fear of the unknown into a tool for achieving a fulfilling and dynamic life.
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Key Takeaways:
Uncertainty as an Opportunity: Embracing the unknown can lead to new possibilities and a richer, more fulfilling life.
The Role of ‘Maybe': The concept of ‘maybe' helps mitigate anxiety and offers hope, allowing for a broader spectrum of potential outcomes.
Resilience During Adversity: Using ‘maybe' during crises can provide a mental framework that fosters resilience and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances.
As humans, we often yearn for certainty. However, the very essence of life is unpredictability. Allison Carmen, author of “The Gift of Maybe.” discuss how embracing the concept of ‘maybe' can transform anxiety into hope and open doors to new opportunities.
Enbracing Uncertainty: The Power of ‘Maybe'
Allison Carmen introduces the concept of ‘maybe' as a powerful tool for handling life's uncertainties. She shares her personal journey through anxiety and how the idea of ‘maybe' provided a pathway out of her fear-driven mindset. Carmen explains:
“Maybe it's like the hope within the unknown. It challenges our need for certainty… If I don't know, that means other possibilities exist other than my greatest fear. And that became the maybe.”
The story of the farmer and his horse vividly illustrates this. Every event that seems disastrous is met with the farmer's response, “maybe.”
Embrace Uncertainty: The Taoist Tale of the Farmer's Luck
The story is about this farmer, and he has a horse, and the horse runs away, and his neighbor comes by and says, you have the worst luck.
And the farmer says, maybe. But the next day, the horse comes back with five mares. And the neighbor comes by to the farmer and says, you have the best luck. And the farmer says, maybe. But the next day, the farmer's son is on the horse. He falls off and breaks his leg. And the neighbor comes by to the farmer and says, you have the worst luck. And the farmer says, maybe. But the next day the army comes to take the son to war, and they can't take him because his leg is broken.
So the neighbor comes by and says to the farmer, you have the best luck. And the farmer says, maybe. So in the taoist tradition, it means things are neither good or bad. But for me, all of a sudden, I felt a pop in my chest, because every time the horse ran away, anytime something bad happened, I never imagined the other possibilities, the other opportunities. I never saw uncertainties, anything other than bad.
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Uncertainty should not be feared
This opens up a conversation about endless possibilities rather than dwelling on immediate negatives. Carmen highlights that uncertainty should not be feared but rather embraced as a fertile ground for new opportunities.
This concept directly counters our instinctive preference for certainty and predictability. By entertaining the notion of ‘maybe,' we allow for expansive thinking, which can alleviate anxiety and open up a realm of new possibilities. This shift in perspective is particularly empowering, showing us that fear doesn't have to dictate our future.
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Breaking the Chains of Certainty
Carmen discusses how the relentless pursuit of certainty can lead to a life of mediocrity and missed opportunities. Myrna Young points out that seeking security often constrains us from taking the necessary risks that could elevate our lives. This is especially true for women who might choose partners or job roles based on perceived security rather than genuine fulfilment.
“Certainty leads you down a road of maybe mediocrity because in order for you to elevate, you have to have some uncertainty. You have to take risks.”
Women are often socialized to pursue stability through marriage and family, which can limit their potential. Carmen’s experience highlights this dichotomy. After her marriage ended abruptly, she faced a pivotal moment where she had to choose between falling apart or embracing the unknown.
“All I did was I gave myself the possibility that I didn't know for sure I was going to die. I didn't know for sure I wasn't going to make it.”
By allowing for even the smallest possibility that she could thrive alone, Carmen transformed her life. She chose to see her situation as an opportunity rather than an end. This mindset enabled her to rebuild her life, find a fulfilling career, and raise her children successfully. The key takeaway here is that the real growth and liberation lie in our acceptance of uncertainty and the possibilities it entails.
Maybe: A Tool for Resilience
Carmen's concept of ‘maybe' is not just theoretical; it is a practical toolkit for resilience in adverse situations. For example, during the 2008 financial crisis, many of Carmen’s clients faced business collapse and financial ruin. She introduced ‘maybe' to them as a way to envision new possibilities and navigate through the crisis.
“I started to tell the farmer story, and I started to teach people about maybe because I was desperate, I didn't know what else to do. It was maybe that helped them get through this crisis.”
The ‘maybe' tool allows individuals to see beyond their immediate hardships and consider potential positive outcomes. This shift in mindset is crucial, especially when facing seemingly insurmountable challenges. Instead of succumbing to despair, the concept of ‘maybe' encourages a broader perspective and fosters hope.
As Tony Robbins discusses in his work on human needs, certainty is a fundamental desire. However, Carmen argues that this need for certainty can be detrimental when it becomes a constraint. The genuine security we need often comes not from an unchanging external state but from an adaptable and resilient internal one. Embracing uncertainty and the potential it brings can lead to a far richer and more meaningful life.
Embracing ‘maybe' allows us to remain open to life's inherent unpredictability and the opportunities it brings. It fosters a mindset of resilience and adaptability, crucial for overcoming adversity and achieving personal growth.
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Uncertainty: A New Lens on Life’s Possibilities
The practice of embracing ‘maybe' is more than an anxiety-relief tool; it's a way to enhance the quality of our lives. Young and Carmen discuss how adopting this mindset can transform everyday experiences and attitudes towards unpredictability.
By reframing our approach to uncertainty, we not only mitigate our anxieties but also seize the opportunities that life’s unpredictability offers. Carmen emphasizes:
“If you're breathing, there's hope. So it's acceptance, gratitude, and maybe.”
This philosophy encourages us to engage in life more fully, appreciating each moment without being paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. It teaches us to enjoy the present, find gratitude in what we have, and remain hopeful for what might come.
As Myrna Young aptly mentions, transforming our lives begins with transforming our minds. Embracing ‘maybe' allows us to approach uncertainties with a positive and open mindset, ultimately leading to a richer and more rewarding life experience.
Embracing uncertainty is not about relinquishing all control but about finding peace in the unpredictability of life. It’s about understanding that while we cannot control every outcome, we can control our perspective and reaction to it. By welcoming the ‘maybe,' we open ourselves up to new horizons and endless possibilities.
