In, the pursuit of happiness, we need to first let go or or mental cows or, emotional baggage. In this podcast episode, coach Myrna explores the metaphorical cows that bind us, such as societal expectations, comparisons, grudges, and material pursuits. Learn how to identify and release these burdens, freeing yourself to find genuine joy and contentment and, the pursuit of happiness.
Emotional baggage can hinder our, pursuit of happiness, by binding us to routines, expectations, and unnecessary burdens.
Letting go of our mental cows, such as societal expectations, comparisons, grudges, and material pursuits, is essential for finding genuine joy.
By releasing these mental constraints, we create space for happiness to flourish and live life on our own terms.
Identifying Your Herd: Recognizing Your Mental Cows
Here is a story told by the Buddha to illustrate:
The Buddha told this story
A few monks were sitting on a bench when a farmer passed by. The farmer said honorable monks Did you see my cows pass by? I have 12 cows and they all ran away, also this year my farm got invaded by pests so I didn’t get a crop. I am so distressed; I want to kill myself.
The monk felt compassion for the man and said so sorry for your loss but we did not see your cows pass by.
Then he said to the other monks. Do you know why you are happy? It is because you don’t have any cows.
In, the pursuit of happiness, we often find ourselves burdened by, emotional baggage. These metaphorical cows represent the things that bind us and make us slaves to routines, expectations, and unnecessary burdens. The Buddha’s story about the farmer and his cows serves as a powerful reminder that our attachment to these things can prevent us from finding true happiness.
One of the first steps towards reclaiming our happiness is to identify our, mental cows. This requires introspection and self-awareness. We must ask ourselves what we believe we need to be happy. It could be a material possession, a certain lifestyle, or societal approval. For example, a client of mine believed that she needed to live in a condo on the water to be happy. However, this belief was preventing her from enjoying her current living situation. By acknowledging our, mental cows, we can begin to free ourselves from their grip in, the pursuit of happiness.
The Buddha said, “Do you know why you are happy? It is because you don’t have any cows.” This statement reminds us that our attachment to these things is what causes our suffering. When we let go of our, emotional baggage, we free ourselves from the constant worry of losing or chasing after these things. Happiness becomes available to us when we are no longer bound by what life should look like.
The Tether of Expectations: Breaking Free from Societal Pressures
Society often imposes expectations on us that can feel like a heavy yoke around our necks. These, societal norms, dictate how we should live, what we should achieve, and who we should be. However, blindly conforming to these expectations can prevent us from living authentically and finding true happiness.
It is essential to challenge and reevaluate these expectations. We must distinguish between, societal norms, and our authentic desires. By releasing the pressure to conform, we can liberate ourselves and experience a sense of freedom and well-being. For example, many women feel like they need to be married by a certain age to be considered successful. However, by questioning this expectation and embracing their own timeline, they can find happiness on their own terms.
The Buddha and Jesus serve as powerful examples of individuals who were free from societal expectations. They did not have houses or bank accounts, yet they were able to find true happiness. This does not mean that we should not have homes or bank accounts, but rather that we should not be slaves to these things. True happiness comes from living authentically and not being bound by societal pressures.
Pursuit of happiness: Escaping the Comparison Trap
One of the, mental cows, that hinder our happiness is the habit of comparing ourselves to others. When we measure our worth against someone else’s standards, we diminish our own joy. Each person’s journey is unique, and true happiness comes from embracing our individuality.
The Buddha said, “Holding onto grudges is like tethering yourself to a resentful past.” This statement reminds us that holding onto grudges is another mental cow that restricts our emotional freedom. By practicing forgiveness, not as a favor to others but as a gift to ourselves, we can release the weight of past grievances and create space for happiness to flourish.
Letting go of comparison requires a shift in mindset. We must recognize that our worth is not determined by external factors or the achievements of others. Instead, we should focus on our own personal growth and celebrate our unique qualities and accomplishments. By embracing our individuality, we can break free from the comparison trap in our, pursuit of happiness.
Materialism as a Ball and Chain: Redefining Success and Wealth
In our society, the pursuit of material wealth often becomes a relentless chase. Possessions and external markers of success can turn into mental cows that dictate our worth. However, in the, pursuit of happiness, we must realize that happiness cannot be found in material possessions alone.
It is essential to redefine our definition of success and wealth. Instead of placing emphasis solely on material possessions, we should prioritize experiences, relationships, and personal growth. By doing so, we liberate ourselves from the shackles of materialism and open ourselves up to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
The Buddha and Jesus were both free from the attachment to material possessions. They found happiness in their spiritual journeys and their ability to connect with others on a deeper level. This does not mean that we should renounce all material possessions, but rather that we should not be slaves to them. True wealth comes from within and is not dependent on external factors.
Conclusion
In the, pursuit of happiness, it is crucial to let go of our, emotional baggage. These, metaphorical cows, such as, societal expectations, comparisons, grudges, and material pursuits, can hinder our ability to find genuine joy. By identifying and releasing these mental constraints, we create space for happiness to flourish and live life on our own terms.
The Buddha’s story about the farmer and his cows serves as a powerful reminder that our attachment to these things is what causes our suffering. True happiness is only available to us when we are free from the bonds of what life should look like. By letting go of our emotional baggage, we can find a renewed sense of purpose and contentment, reveling in the authentic joy that arises when we live on our terms.
So, take a moment to reflect on your own, mental cows. What are the things that bind you and prevent you from finding true happiness? Is it societal expectations, comparisons, grudges, or material pursuits? By acknowledging and releasing these burdens, you can embark on a journey towards a more fulfilling and joyful life. Remember, happiness is found when we let go and live life on our own terms.
Love is a powerful and beautiful emotion that has the ability to uplift, inspire, and bring immense joy to our lives. But what happens, when love alone isn’t enough? Love forms the foundation of many relationships, providing strong bonds between partners, family members, and friends.
However, there are instances, when love alone isn’t enough. In this video, coach Myrna looks at the, Bible story of Hanna, and why the love of her husband was not enough. Coach Myrna, shares 5 realities of, when love isn’t enough, and how we can build resilience and understanding to overcome obstacles on the path to fulfilment.
Have you ever loved someone, but could not live with them so you broke up with them instead? That is an example of, when love alone isn’t enough.
Today I want to look at the bible story of Hanna and why the love of her husband was not enough.
Let’s look at 1st Samuel 1:8
Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?
Hanna had all the love a woman could want from a man, but she was not happy because she could not have children. Her husband’s love was not enough to fill the hole in her heart.
For Hanna having a husband wasn’t enough, having a man who loved her, wasn’t enough.
Love can be a wonderful and important aspect of our lives, but it is not the sole determinant of our happiness. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be influenced by various factors. While love can contribute significantly to our well-being, there are other aspects to consider.
Self-fulfillment: True happiness often involves a sense of purpose and personal fulfillment. Pursuing your passions, setting and achieving goals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment can contribute to overall happiness. For Hanna and most women this includes being a mother.
Emotional well-being: Happiness goes beyond love and encompasses emotional well-being. It’s important to develop coping skills, self-care practices, and maintain healthy relationships beyond romantic love, such as with family and friends, to cultivate happiness.
Personal growth: Continuous personal growth and self-improvement can lead to a sense of fulfillment and happiness. This can include learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and challenging yourself to become the best version of yourself. You can have all the love in the world but if you are not growing, you will feel unfulfilled.
Physical and mental health: Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for overall happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-care, managing stress, and seeking support when needed are all crucial aspects of well-being.
Meaningful connections: While romantic love is significant, nurturing relationships with friends, family, and a supportive community can provide a sense of belonging and happiness. Building and maintaining meaningful connections with others can be a source of joy and support.
I Just finished reading Paris Hilton memoir. In her book Paris shares her infertility journey. Like Hanna love was not enough, being a Hilton and an heiress was not enough, having a brand was not enough, like Hanna she wanted a child.
Remember that happiness is subjective, and what brings happiness to one person, may differ from another. Sometimes love of your family or spouse is enough, but most of the times you must love yourself first. It’s important to explore and cultivate various areas of your life beyond love to find fulfillment and happiness. Seeking a balance between different aspects of life, investing in personal growth, and fostering relationships can contribute to a more fulfilling and joyful existence.
Being in love or receiving love is not enough for self-actualization which include realizing your dreams, being true to yourself, and achieving inner peace.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna
Setting goals, in, clock time, means we are not emotionally attached to them. We are able to enjoy the journey and not just the destination. But when you, set goals, in, psychological time, you are never fulfilled when you achieve them. You have heard of people who, set goals, and when they attain these goals, they are only happy for a brief moment and then they are unfulfilled again. That is because they are psychologically attached to the goal. The subconscious mind is telling them that until this goal is achieved, happiness is not possible. Or until this goal is achieved, they are not successful.
Let’s say owning a house on the beach is your symbol of success and you tell yourself that until you live on the beach in a beautiful mansion, you cannot feel fulfilled or feel successful. This means that you are not going to enjoy the journey. You are psychologically tied to living on the beach as your means to the end.
Or let’s take the goal of being married. Most women have this goal.
Marriage could be a symbol of acceptance that you are enough, because someone says you complete them, or they can’t live without you etc. Marriage could symbolize the success you dreamed of as a little girl.
But what happens when you achieve this goal? Does it create lasting happiness? The divorce rate is 50% or higher. Nothing wrong with that goal but do you stop living until you get married. Are you enjoying all the perks of being single?
Does achieving any goal fulfill you forever? You know the answer to the question.
That is because goals set using, psychological time, says that until this event happens, you will not be happy or successful or fulfilled. When you achieve these goals, you are happy for a few days and then you are not.
Goals set with, psychological time, never fulfills because the goal post is always moving.
It is okay to set goals, but you must enjoy the present moment.
You must enjoy where you are now.
If you ask yourself what is lacking now, the answer should always be nothing.
Goal setting, in, clock time, says If success comes, I will accept it, but if it doesn’t, I am okay with that too.
That is why we can’t tell ourselves that until something happens in life then we will be happy, fulfilled, complete etc. because not only can you die waiting for this goal to manifest, but if you achieve this goal, you will still not be complete or happy. Why because you have to take care of the inside before things on the outside.
When you take care of your inside, joy is always your partner. You are happy with or without. You are happy for the breath of life. If you add success to this you will find fulfillment.
Are you Happy? Today Dr Ahia, Psychologist and I discuss, How to be Happy. Their is a mathematical formula for, happiness. H=S +C + V i.e. means Your happiness is based on your set point. What are the conditions that make you happy. Are you choosing to make the voluntary choices to make to be happy.
The, happiness formula, is a mathematical equation on, how to be happy.
What does it take to be happy?
To answer that question you have to understand your blueprint for, happiness.
Your blueprint is the story you have in your head about how life is supposed to be.
The most popular archetype is the blueprint that says you have to be successful to find, happiness.
Here is a Test to see your Capacity for, Happiness:
What is an area in your life that you feel happy about?
Then ask yourself, why are you happy with that area?
You could find, happiness, in your body, your marriage, your career, your friends, your finances, your kids, your relationship with God etc.
If your Life Conditions or LC match your blueprint for, happiness, you will find, happiness, in this area.
Let’s pick an easy one to see, how to be happy, I am sure you know people who are happy with being overweight.
They find, happiness, with their body because their blueprint says, Big is Beautiful. They love being Big. You may also know someone who is a twig and they feel fat. You become unhappy with your body when you step on the scale and it is different than your blueprint for, happiness, with your weight or body.
While you are in this space you can also get clarity on why you are Unhappy with some areas of your life.
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The Happiness Formula, How to be Happy
Happiness, is defined as a feeling of contentment, that life is as it should be. Perfect, happiness, comes when you have all your needs met according to your blueprint of what life should be.
Here is the formula for, Happiness
H=S +C + V
Happiness is “H”
S – Set point or genetic capacity for happiness
C- Conditions or circumstances of living
V – Voluntary choices
Your Set point or core belief is both genetic and environmental. Do you see life as an opportunity or do you see life as a problem?
Your set point for, happiness, is determined in the first 3 years of life by parents or caretakers. Your neurons mirror your parents. If your parents were always criticizing each other or playing the victim; that’s what you grow up to be. A critical person always seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full. You feel victimized by life. You blame the system for your lack of, happiness, in life. You feel you were born on the other side of the tracks.
On the other hand If your parents were happy, then you grew up thinking that life is a place for service and to look for the silver lining under every cloud. Never being the victim because victims have no power. Your set point on, how to be happy, if pretty high.
Your set point represents 50% of your, happiness, so if you have a negative set point, you are always fighting an uphill battle.
Fortunately, your set point for, happiness, can be changed through therapy?
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The second factor in the, Happiness Formula is your capacity for happiness or your Life Conditions “C”
C = Conditions of living – conditions of living represents 10 -12% of your, happiness. For example If you are extremely poor you can’t be happy because your basic needs are not being met and your poverty becomes a source of stress.
There is a movie I saw years ago called the, Happiness, movie. It showcased people in India living in very poor conditions, earning something like $100 per year and they found, happiness.
How to be happy, they had love, they had family and since poverty is what they knew from birth, their blueprint for, happiness, was different than someone born into wealth.
Do you know poor people who are happy? I am sure you do.
When your Life conditions don’t match your blueprint that is when you suffer. Stress, depression, substance abuse this is the doorway they enter from. Not always but most times.
The next leg on, How to be Happy, is “V”
V = Voluntary Choices. These are the choices you make every day =these choices represent 40% of your, happiness.
If your choices are all about personal pleasure then your, happiness, will be transient.
In the US the #1 choice for personal pleasure is shopping
#2 is alcohol and food
# 3 sex
When you make choices for personal pleasure your, happiness, lasts a few days or a few months at best. If you are trying to find, happiness, by acquiring things like cars, clothes, houses, jewelry. The, happiness, lasts a few weeks or at best 6 months then it is no longer a source of joy.
This is the same for alcohol, food, drugs, sex.
Lasting, Happiness, does not come from external sources.
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If you are suffering in your marriage, your relationships, or anything other than your health, you can change your blueprint and find, happiness. If you feel you have no control to change your Life conditions, that is when there is pain.
You can change your set point through meditation and expanding your consciousness.
If you don’t like your conditions of living or your body, change it. It is in your control. If you don’t want to change your conditions then you must change your blueprint.
When I first got married my husband and I fought constantly. We had different blueprints of what marriage was supposed to be. We are still together today because we both changed our blueprints. Most couples end up in divorce court because they refuse to change their blueprint of what it take to find, happiness, in a marriage or after a divorce.
Instead of making the choice of personal pleasure, spend your money or time on experiences like vacations, adventure, entertainment, being social with friends etc. Creating Good memories make you happy.
The fastest way to, happiness, is to give others attention, appreciation, acknowledgment, affection, or acceptance.
Before you make choices, ask yourself would this choice make me happy? Will it make others happy? You cannot find, happiness, making others unhappy.
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Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur and TEDx speaker. This blog is about replacing your, bad habits, with, success habits, thereby transforming your life.
Habits, are very important. We always say that, it takes 21 days to form a, bad habit, but now some people are actually challenging that. They’re saying it takes about three months or 90 days to form a, habit.
Whatever we do on a consistent basis, it forms a, habit, regardless it is a, bad habit, or, success habit. So, today we’re talking about transforming our lives through, success habits, and replacing the, bad habits. The, habit, that we’re trying to develop is the, success habit, that leads to happiness.
Success habits, generally increase your happiness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Bio and Introduction Bad Habits
Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, TedX speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. After exiting his delivery startup for $323 million in 2019, Will confirmed what he’d spent the past 25 years researching: True happiness isn’t about money, power, or fame; it’s about figuring out what makes you happy and taking consistent action on those things every single day.
To do this, Will has thrown out the book on traditional, self-improvement, creating instead a unique system that reduces friction by combining the latest in science and technology with, success habits, and universal principles: gamifying the process and building momentum. Will’s company, Moore Momentum, is addressing the “Social Dilemma.” and helping people hold themselves accountable by taking the necessary action to replace their, bad habits, with, success habits.
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Transform Your Mind Amazon
5 core areas to build Success Habits
Mindset,
Career & Finances;
Relationships,
Physical Health,
Emotional Health
Giving Back.
Moore Momentum is committed to helping people fire on all cylinders on their way to becoming an unstoppable force, so they can then pay it forward to help the world do the same!
Myrna: Awesome bio. It sounds that you’re very successful. It’s everybody’s dream to have an exit strategy that makes them several million dollars especially 323 million so that is a great foundation. So, what you are doing with More Momentum? Can you tell us how you got into this journey? Understanding that happiness does not come from fame or it does not come from money or it doesn’t come from power as everybody seems to think.
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Will: My mom was an alcoholic. She was verbally and physically abusive. My parents divorced early, we moved around a lot. I just never really fit in and I just kind of got to a point where I was basically suicidal in college. Serendipitously one of my professors introduced me to a book, “How to Friends and Influence People” by Mr. Dale Carnegie. It sort of changed my mindset and started to shift me towards what I call a growth owner mindset.
Myrna: I read that book. I found it very difficult to understand but it is a classic.
Will: I’ve read it so many times. It was written back in the 40s some 70 years ago, and still it still stands today which is to me is a testament of the universal principles. These Universal principles in life, if you follow them, if you abide by them, if you lead your life by them and build your, habits, around them, you’re going to succeed.
You’re not going to be happy if you ignore them or try to cheat the system. You’re going to struggle, so that sort of opened up my mind to the principle of friends.
It’s not about you, give to other people if you want to have more friends than you can handle.
I just took that to heart. I started to shift and I started taking all the poor me victim stuff self talk which was a , bad habit, and started asking people questions about themselves. It was like my own human science experiment. I started taking notes, seeing what worked and what didn’t. I noticed people responded well when you took interest in them.
I started making, friends, and was becoming more popular. People actually started liking me, compared to what was constantly being played in my head, “I’m a loser nobody likes me.”
That just started my, success habits, journey, and I never stopped. I became an insatiable, self-help, beast. I was reading book after book on, self-improvement.” All the books that I could get my hands on including “Think and Grow Rich”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, etc.
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I started to live this more holistic type of lifestyle, I call it ‘firing on all cylinders’. When you start to develop these, habits, you’re building momentum and creating, success habits, in each of the 5 core areas. People around you can feel your momentum and your energy. When we sold our solar business in 2019 for a combined 321 million, I had enough money where I could say, okay I don’t technically have to work anymore I can concentrate on building my, success habits.
Myrna: I started my spiritual journey with Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari”. I understand what you’re talking about.
How did you transition to understanding, bad habits, and, success habits? You started off with, “How to win friends and influence people”, How did you combine that into, habits?
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Changing your Bad Habits into Success Habits
Will: Success habits, were not as integral and central as they are now for me, as I got deeper into, self improvement, I started identifying my, bad habits. I call them, failure habits, and replacing them with, success habits; but I wasn’t doing it consciously.
I didn’t need to shine a spotlight on all my, bad habits, that was causing me, negative momentum, in each of my five core areas. I just decided to replace my, bad habits, with, success habits. The book that brought my, bad habits, home was “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I read several years ago.
It all comes down to your, habits. You are your, habits. We run on autopilot 90% of the time and we’re just doing the things that we have done repeatedly, whether they’re good or bad and here’s the kicker, habits, don’t care if they’re helping or hurting you. We are all creatures of, habit.
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Myrna: I go on autopilot mode almost every time I drive so I know what you taking about. I’ll be meaning to go someplace different, next thing I end up at the place where I wasn’t supposed to go.
Will: That’s a perfect example, where your brain is trying to conserve energy. A lot of people have no idea that our brain finds the safest route. To start replacing a, bad habit, find a replacement, success habit.
Myrna: You discovered the, success habits, and the, bad habits, and then you just made it integral to your More Momentum training. Now, let’s get to the Seven the Habits of Successful People. You mentioned that you read the book it was written by Stephen R. Covey and it’s called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”.
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Will: One of the things that people do is they get caught up in thinking that certain, habits, are going to lead to the promised land. These seven habits is the formula for being happy, because your belief system plus your repeated actions plus time equals who you will become.
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
The Book the Secret had the answer to the universe, but they didn’t have the action part of it. It’s like you can’t just think about what you want. You got to actually take action, you have to build your, success habits.
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Myrna: I love it, you mean you can’t just put a picture on your vision board and then 10 years later you manifest it?
Will: Right. That’s right exactly. I had a, vision board. I still do sitting right here. You have to take consistent action to manifest your vision.
You have go to tell yourself, I got everything within me to kick ass. It’s only a matter of time. Obstacles are temporary roadblocks and every step of the way, I’m going to fail forward and I’m going to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, on my way to becoming this unstoppable force. That’s the attitude you got to have, and it doesn’t come easily.
It doesn’t come overnight and that’s why the compounding part – your belief system plus your repeated actions or, habits, plus time equals who you become. Those actions start becoming, habits, and they turn into things that are actually automatically building your, momentum, along the way versus hurting it. That’s how you become the person that you want to be.
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The Mindset of Success Habits
Myrna: What are some, success habits, that we can start doing? Not necessarily talk about the failure or bad habits yet, give us a couple of success habits that you have discovered.
Will: Your, mindset, is essentially the thoughts that are going through your head Some people have the, bad habit, of talking baldly to themselves about themselves. They say things like
You are not good enough
I will never be anybody
People don’t like me
They have a victim mindset that says people are always out to get them.
Some tell themselves things like I was born this way, there is nothing I can do about it
We have to have the, mindset, that that says, you can’t succeed without failing. If you’ve got a good, mindset, going everything else becomes incrementally easier.
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Myrna: I agree with that. That’s why this show is called “transform your mind to transform your life” because your mind is the first place to start, human transformation.
Will: For your career and finances, I’d say very first thing you should do is figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then start focusing on the things you’re good at and make that part of your daily routine. You’re moving that stuff forward and then peripherally the other things that need to be done will get done.
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Whether it’s your significant other, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, or acquaintances:
Remember names,
Remember details about people,
Be genuinely interested in what they’re saying (you may have to fake it at first, because we’re all selfish egotistical creatures by nature) but what happens is you actually start to see that they respond to you. They’re interested in you, that becomes addictive and then you do become more genuinely interested in them.
It’s this feedback success loop thing you get into and it’s magical and it just propels your life because, you can’t go through life on your own, you got to have other people.
For physical health, I’d say the top, success habits, are:
There’s your sleep,
Watch your nutrition
Movement, there’s your exercising.
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The final tip I would give for the final core emotional health and giving back, I’ll give two tips because they’re kind of slightly different things. For the, emotional health, part the question is
Are you living a life full of passion, purpose?
Do you actually enjoy the ride or are you just constantly like looking down scratching off to do’s”, trying to just get through the day?”
The, habit, of enjoying life and expressing your passion is important.
I would also say proactively making a list of the things that you love and then making sure that you’re incorporating them into your life regularly is a great, success habit. Whether it’s doing a sport or whether it’s creativity if you’re an artist, you like to paint, and you haven’t painted in 10 years. Use technology and sign up for class or get a buddy that you can paint with.
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Get it into your regular routine because again it’s a, habit, like anything else, and if you start doing it then all of a sudden you’re doing it, you don’t even have time for the, bad habits, to get an opening. With a regular routine thoughts like “Oh, I don’t have time for this” or “Oh, I have conflicting schedules” A daily schedule starts to improve your life, because you’re incorporating more of the things that you love and are passionate about.
The last, success habit, is “giving back”. I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning. I’ve memorized it. I focus on all the things that I want in life and then at the end of it, I talk about what I’m grateful for. So, I get this feeling of “Oh, man I’m so lucky and it just boosts me up and rocket propels me into the day because I start happy and excited.
Myrna: I love that. That was a good idea to give a, success habit, from each of your five core areas of life. So as we wrap up, so tell our listeners more about your business – More Momentum. How they can get in contact with you and what exactly is your program.
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Will: https://mooremomentum.com is the website. There’s a “see the Momentum Movement” tab at the top and you can sign up. I’ve got a weekly blog and newsletter that I do at the top. There’s also the social media buttons (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter) My Instagram page is @willmoremomentum. I post viral videos of stuff and I’m trying to make it fun by gamifying the experience. I’m helping people trick their brain into wanting to watch the stuff that’s good for them.
I’ve got the App that’s coming up so I super excited. I think I mentioned briefly earlier, the App it’s going to just take everything I’ve been doing over the last 25 years and culminate it into one device where you can stop your, bad habits, in these five core places and replace them with, success habits.
In the game, you’re a rocket ship. You’ve got your five core cylinders of your engine in order to fly up to the moon and break earth’s gravitational pull. You got to get enough momentum to get off the ground by stopping those, bad habits, and replacing them with, success habits, one step at a time. I make sure I take it through very slowly. Remember the law of compounding – if you rush into it, you try to change everything at once. It’ll never work then all of a sudden you’re flying off to different planets and universes and solar systems and you’re meeting aliens along the way.
You’re getting universal principles and tips flying through asteroid fields building up your armor and becoming an unstoppable force.
It’s super exciting. You can sign up on my website for that as well. If you click on the App, it’ll say “be notified when the App is Available.”
Conclusion
Myrna: I absolutely love it. Wow, so that’s great not only for adults but for children teaching them that they can do anything. If they want to get to the moon or to get to the top of their goals. Whether it’s a, success habit, or a, bad habit, you just keep doing it. It’s actually pretty good to replace those, failure habits, and make them into, success habits, so you can do it.
If you found this blog and podcast inspirational, please subscribe, rate and review The Transform Your Mind Podcast on iTunes. Leave your comments below if you have, bad habits, that you need to change into, success habits.
Today my guest is Ms Patricia Fuqua. Patricia is a best-selling author, award-winning motivational speaker, and relationship expert, specializing in, second time around, today we’re going be talking on the topic “How to find your diamond the, second time around,” I am going to enjoy talking to you because I’ve been around more than twice!
Bio
Let me tell you more about my guest Ms Patricia Fuqua. Patricia is the founder
of Dating Diamonds, a service that empowers women to meet the right man the, second time around. She is the creator of the “First Date the Soulmate Program” and since she has helped over 500 women meet the right man by designing a personalized plan. She helps them implement that plan. She’s polished the art of relationship in her 40 year marriage to her, soulmate, husband.
Her strategy benefits men too, after all the more knowledge you have the more you can thrive. Her clients can be found in major cities including Sydney, Washington DC, Sacramento and San Francisco. She mentors women to use the story of their lives to create the relationship they choose the second time around. Patricia has her master’s degree in American literature and an adult IDI
credential from San Francisco State University.
She holds coaching credentials from the Academy of Excellence and the
Windless Institute. She is a certified matchmaker with the matchmaker Institute and, second time around, coach.
Patricia also produced and hosted the TV show called the Patricia Fuqua show, a platform for using intuitive and spiritual practices as guides for better
relationships.
How to find your diamond the second time around
Well Patricia that is a very excellent Bio, it covers a lot of territory.
I always like to start off my show asking my guests of their journey to this point in their career. Can you talk about your journey to becoming a relationship expert and author specializing in the, second time around? I know that you’ve been married for years and I need to say congratulations right off the top because that is quite an accomplishment; but how did you transcend your own relationship to becoming a coach?
Patricia: Well, now I’ve honed and polished my communication skills; but it wasn’t always this way. There was a time in my marriage when I
was depressed because I was juggling career and the needs of young children
and my husband. I got really depressed because I was really feeling sorry for myself and then I got mad went into this deep funk. It wasn’t until I discovered that I had the choice to be happy or to be sad that I started to turn myself around.
It wasn’t my husband, it wasn’t my children, it wasn’t my job, it wasn’t my life. It was the way I was looking at it so, when I discovered that I could be happy as a choice as well as being sad, I started to reach for better feeling thoughts, finding something good about everything and anytime somebody made me upset or I felt overwhelmed. I said okay so what’s the silver lining here?
Helping women find love the second time around
I started to get answers and so as I discovered the power of choosing how I was going to feel about any situation or any person or relationship I said to myself this I have to share with the rest of the women in my life, because we could be so much happier if we only knew we could just choose to do it. I have the technique to show them so that’s when I became inspired to start coaching women because I love happy people.
I just love being around happy people and helping them
learn to be happy the, second time around. Helping them to have more love in their lives.
I always been a spiritual person studying spiritual practices, some people would say religion, and always I wanted to be in alignment with source, some people would say God, Universe, Higher Intelligence. There are many names
for that creator and so as a result that’s how I started coaching. I started
saying well this is what I’ve learned about being happy and in love, so I’m
wanting to share this with you and we can personalize it for you so that you
too can have more love and happiness in your life.
And that one day that I had this record-breaking seminar for women, it was just like they were lined up around the table and down the aisles waiting to speak to me. I was just giving them these nuggets of wisdoms and, second time around, nuggets that I had come to from my reading from my study and they were walking away happy, so it was a great day.
It was it’s one of those peak experiences.
We are all looking for happiness
Myrna: Wow that is awesome and you know a lot of people would go through that process and keep it all to themselves, so it’s absolutely great that
you through that process realized that everything is better when you share.
That’s an overstatement, everything is better when you share. God gives
you a testimony, so that you can share and you can encourage and it’s really
profound that you had this really record-breaking experience of everybody
wanted a piece because you’ve hit on something.
Happiness, is a rare quality, even when you’ve got all you want
somehow a lot of people are still not happy and you know it’s really
interesting; but I did an interview on this show with a monk
called Swami G about 2 years and this morning Facebook shared the memory.
I reposted, he was saying that happiness doesn’t come from external
Sources, just like you have figured out it comes from inside and that’s why you
know the Buddhist monks talk about enlightenment, because when you’re
enlightened you know suffering and unhappiness doesn’t come to you.
I woke up this morning with some heavy things going on in my
life and my children, and when I posted it. I said, I wish that
I myself can tap into that field today. I was meditating this morning from very early in the morning and it just didn’t work because my mind was too busy. So, if you have gems that help people, that is why they’re lined up because it’s something that you know we all require at some point in time.
We don’t have to be depressed but some days just knock you down. Good story so I’m glad that you were able to bottle your experiences to help others to get there as well. You touched on something as well about you being
very spiritual and connected to source. So my second question is how can other women use intuitive and spiritual practices as a guide for better relationships the, second time around?
Let’s just add happiness on to that.
That’s the exciting part of my practice because when I’m sharing with women the seven principles that are in the book, Second Time Around, meditation is number one and I’m glad that you’re a meditator because even
when we feel that, oh my God my mind is so busy it didn’t make a difference, it
does make a difference because you’re quieting your mind,
and it can give you a different perspective on a situation.
I’ve learned over time that women need to or benefit from having a different
perspective on the situation, or relationship, and dating and love and
happiness because we can as a group, are very sensitive and emotional. Some
more than others, and when we can tap into that place where we’re feeling not
as positive as we could and start to look at least one positive thing
about a situation, you recognize what they’re feeling and to shift.
It’s kind of like this morning you said you woke up with heavy feelings and the meditation didn’t feel like it was making a difference, however if it ever entered your mind that oh well this is something I could be thankful for in this
situation, that is going to raise your emotional tone.
We get stronger at managing our feelings and eventually we get to the place where we can move more quickly up this emotional scale to happiness or at least optimism, and after meditation if you say to yourself oh well it wasn’t
quite as bad as I thought because B and C is in place, you move up the scale.
You are correct, this morning I didn’t come up with
any positives, but I came up with some guidance and that’s basically what
happens when you quiet your mind right the Universe, God, your
Higher self gives you some guidance and some next steps.
What are you bringing to the table
Some of the other principles have to do with just mining. Like gold mining your own story to figure out what you really want to experience in relationship. Some women want to feel pampered and protected and privileged, and you know what is it each woman needs is to discover or to remind herself what she really wants to experience in relationship. Some women are very conventional and they like the idea of having a man play a man’s role, do the man things in in the conventional sense, manage the house, take out the garbage,
that sort of thing.
Other women want somebody to plan their fun, so what is it that helps you feel the way you want to feel in relationship, that you would like that other person to be doing? That’s one of the key principles, there are seven total principles we don’t have time to go into them all now. Meditation to manage your own
thoughts and feelings. Now it your, second time around, what are you bringing to the table?
Awesome, alright so again we’re touching on mindsets a little bit, so this is an interesting question for me to ask you because we’re specifically talking here about the, second time around. Women who has been divorced, the woman is maybe in a committed relationship, maybe not necessarily married; but they’re
starting over again and your mindset is very crucial because your mindset can
actually keep you from making this a positive experience.
So what mindset do you coach your women and men then that they have to develop when they’re in the, second time around?
I have the attitude that there is a lid for every pot.
Know what you want the second time around
That’s an old southern expression that means all they have to do is be very clear on the vision of what they want to experience and they will meet that person.
So those mindsets have to be in the present. If we’re going to develop a relationship a, second time around, that is satisfying and that can last. Having a lid and every pot means that there’s a match for you somewhere, and if you have a clear vision on the match you know as a coach as well any coaching whether it’s for whatever you want just have a clear vision of it and that’s the way you attract it to you.
I was thinking that is the most important mindset that they have to develop is that they have release the baggage of the last relationship. How do you feel about that?
It’s important to be aware of the baggage of the last
relationship because it can be like a weight around your ankles pulling you
down and away from what you want. It’s also important to be able to shift
that attitude that you might have developed, that feeling about
relationship or about the opposite gender that you had. The awareness the
self-awareness of knowing what that attitude is that’s blocking you will
allow you to come up with an alternative, so that you can do the things, say the
things that will help you attract that clear vision that you have. That’s the
lid for your pot so to speak.
Myrna: Like I said in the beginning of the podcasts, I’ve been around
the block several times myself and what I have found. To clarify I have been married like four times, what I have found is that a lot of times the baggage is
you come out of a relationship and there is a negative experience you make sure that there’s not that a negative experience is not in your next partner;
but a lot of times you find something else right, so how do you coach women
around “hey I don’t want to have a guy like that again kind of scenario?
Let the laws of attraction work for you
Patricia: I understand what you’re saying and the Law of our Universe, some people call it the Law of Attraction but the way it’s
set up is that it wants us to be happy that law is God in action or the
Universe in action or the Creator in action. We are put here to have fun
that’s the point in the studies that I have had and so when we focus on what we really want the universe hears.
The trick becomes being able to manage your feelings and
your thoughts and your attitudes so that you’re focusing on what you really want it doesn’t understand anything except for what you spend the most time
thinking about, so if you’re spending most of your time thinking about oh my
God that was the worst relationship ever, I never want to see a guy like that again! Well, that’s what you’re going to get more of or some variation, because you’re spending so much time on it and that’s what a Universe is answering.
That is the perfect answer because, yes that is exactly what happens.
That’s why a lot of women go in relationships that are
almost the same because they keep attracting the same kind of man or the
same kind of relationship because they’re saying well this is this is what
I don’t want. Let’s take an example of a cheater, this is what I don’t want or
even an abusive relationship, and then you are cycling through those all the
time because they tell the universe what they don’t want and that is exactly what shows up. I like what you said, whatever you spend time thinking about
whether it’s what you don’t want or what you do want then that’s what’s going to show up. Excellent answer.
Myrna: Who would you say is your ideal client?
My ideal client is a woman of experience and substance who has had more than one relationship, I used, second time around, because that’s a very familiar expression; but she usually has raised her children, she’s launched them into college or into the work world and she’s comfortable in her career and in a single mom.
All these years I’ve been raising the kids I’ve been taking care of other people. I have a great social life; but where is my special partner? I like this woman. I prefer this as the ideal client although men in the situation my teachings work as well; because they have had enough variety and experience they know what they want through conversation and we can plan how their strategy is going to roll out and make it happen.
I shouldn’t say make it happen but we can work with my spiritual principles so that they’re very clear on what they want, they know how to manage their mindset, they know what they would prefer to experience, they’re open to using these practices. Example: One of my clients was sitting at an
outside café in my little town here of Menlo Park one afternoon with her
college son who was home for the holiday and a man saw her at this outside café, parked his car came over to meet her.
She had been trained by me who had the strategy of being approachable, she looked radiantly beautiful; because I said honey anytime you go out you have got to look good. People are attracted by the visual. She was in line with that and so he came over sat down next to her as if he were her best friend they started chatting well as her calm was being the hostess and making him
feel comfortable; because she found out right away that he was her type of
guy. At the end of that short conversation, he passed his telephone
number to her on a napkin and said if you want to continue this just give me a
call, that was six years ago. They’re still together.
It’s about being clear, always being ready so you don’t have to
get ready and being ready for who comes into your world; so that you can check them out and decide if you want to get to know them better.
Always be ready so do don’t have to get ready
I love the last tagline. I think Will Smith says that best he says you
should always be ready cause if you’re ready, you ain’t got to get ready.
All right now let’s get a little personal and transparent. I know
you’ve been happily married for over forty years
you talked in your BIO in your journey or your history that
there was a period of time when you were depressed, because you’re doing so much, and your happiness came after you decided that you had
a choice and it was not your husband or your kids job to make
you happy.
I absolutely love that. I know this personally because that’s the reason I’m finally happy. After running around and trying to find happiness by having other people give it to me, the reason I’m happy in my relationship
is because I meditate and I do me. I don’t depend on anyone
else to be to make me happy. I make myself happy; but I saw this in
print the other day when Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had left her. He
cheated on her with the nanny and I think she was having an interview and
she said point blank that it was not Ben’s job to make sure that she was
happy. I’m sure a lot of people that are not in our space
wouldn’t understand that; but I absolutely loved it.
So what would you say is the reason for your marital success?
Marital success second time around
Well marital success the, second time around, means also that there’s a the dark side of it that there are some times that are not successful and after years there have been times where I haven’t been successful at being happily married and so now that I am happily married, that I’ve gone through some things so the idea here is every situation that has conflict in it.
I have learned to ask myself what would you prefer here Patricia? And when I get the answer to that then I can get busy, I can start conversations. In the book, I’m leading women to go from “first date to soul mate” with these principles and it doesn’t stop once you meet and develop the relationship with your soulmate, the conversations and the communication has to continue through the inevitable conflicts that happen between two people in an intimate personal relationship.
So as a result I’ve learned to use that very powerful question
“What would you prefer here Patricia?” That tells me that I
need to start doing my practices and asking that question.
What is it you want the man to do? What it is you
want the woman to do? We don’t communicate what we want we just fight about it because we’re expecting to be mind reader’s.
As we wrap up our show today, Patricia how can our readers and listeners get in touch with you and get a copy of your book, second time around?
I would love to chat with people or let them know a link for the book and so I would ask people to just email me [email protected] Put in the subject line “chat” or “Book” and I’ll send you a copy of the book
which will go into some of the seven principles that I talked about.
Entrepreneurship, is the process of setting up a business. For, entrepreneurs, battling, mental illness, controlling their, emotions, is their superpowers, when it comes to building a business of our dreams.
My guest today is Scout Sobel. She is the author of the “Emotional Entrepreneur” and we are going to be having a very interesting conversation today on, mental health, specifically the, mental health, of entrepreneurs. As you consider, entrepreneurship, you need to understand how our, emotions, guide you in everyday life.
Scout experienced her first depressive episode at the age of 14 and was formally diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, at the age of 20. Living with a, mental illness, brought an onslaught of symptoms: anxiety, hypomania, depression, catatonia, psychosis, and, suicidal ideation.
Her perception of her life weighed down on her so poignantly that she dropped out of college, could not hold a job or internship, was hospitalized, experimented with medleys of prescription medication, and went through two outpatient programs.
One day her husband (then boyfriend) looked at her lovingly and said, “I don’t care if you’re depressed. If you are depressed and hopeful, I can be in this relationship. If you are depressed and hopeless, I can’t do this with you.”
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That was the moment her life changed. She started infusing her life with hope and began to take radical responsibility for her emotional state. And after intense, self-development, work – support groups, holistic healing modalities, prayer, routines, and physical wellness, she found, entrepreneurship. Through, entrepreneurship, she learned to unconditionally love her life through the pain, challenges, and celebrations. She learned that she wanted to be here.
Today, Scout is the Founder and CEO of Scout’s Agency, a female-focused PR agency that specializes in getting women as guests on, podcasts.
Her debut book, The Emotional Entrepreneur, provides the, mindset, and, emotional tools, she learned from managing her, mental illness, that have helped her succeed in business and, entrepreneurship.
Entrepreneurship and mental illness
Myrna: I want to start off with something you say in your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”, you said that our, emotions, are our guiding superpowers when it comes, entrepreneurship, and building a business of our dreams. How did your, emotions, guide you to become an, entrepreneur?
Scout: Very shortly after I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, my husband said those sentences that changed my life and I started infusing hope into my days. Which beautifully led me to faith through that process of showing up to support groups, writing gratitude lists etc. My gratitude list and my journal, every single morning reading every self-help book Barnes and Noble had to offer.
I was sitting with my friend at a coffee shop and we were looking through an Indie magazine (I love fashion magazines). I just looked at her and I asked do you want to start a magazine with me? She said yes, let’s do it. We were going to print it at Kinko’s and pass it out to our friends for free. This was going to be a borderline arts and crafts project.
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Suddenly, something in my mind just flipped and immediately I went home. I got the Instagram handle, I searched for printers in the area and then set up five appointments with all the best printers in 50 mile vicinity. I went to see them and then they quoted me ten thousand dollars. I said to myself, ‘I have to find ten thousand dollars’.
Then, I started a kick starter campaign and fast forward, our second issue was picked up by national distributor and sold in newsstands across the country. I was 22 at the time.
The third issue had musician Halsey on the cover and I woke up to an email from Barnes and Noble asking if they could distribute my magazine as well.
So, in that three-issue process of, entrepreneurship, and running that magazine, I went from the girl that had to pull herself out of bed, to becoming an, entrepreneur, who was in charge of everything. It was like walking through quicksand. I couldn’t deal with responsibility. I became the girl that over functioned. I became the girl that went the extra mile in such a short time.
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I found out that, entrepreneurship, was two things that I felt:
Entrepreneurship, has the same highs and lows as, bipolar disorder. My mind could really understand the emotional pattern behind it.
I was unable to show up for the responsibilities in my life, because I always had a psychiatrist note that could excuse me. I didn’t have to go to friend’s birthday party because I had a, mental illness. All my friends would understand or try to understand etc.
I really used my, mental illness, as a, crutch, to avoid responsibility and avoid showing up in my life in the ways that I really needed to, but when it came to, entrepreneurship, there was no note a psychiatrist could write out because I couldn’t tap out of it .
If I tapped out, the whole thing would fall apart, so it was almost this contradictory paradox. I had to have all the responsibility on my shoulders in order for me to show up, I had to be completely present in every aspect. So, I found in the beginning of, entrepreneurship, that I showed up because I had the freedom to create what I wanted to create and I couldn’t call in sick, that didn’t work anymore.
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The entrepreneurship path leads to happiness
Myrna: I also believe that, happiness, is working towards a goal and there is no better goal than when you’re working for yourself and you’re trying to grow your business as an, entrepreneur. I also like your confession that you were using the doctor’s notes as a cop-out in life.
A lot of people do that, they lead with their illnesses. It doesn’t even have to be, mental illness, it could be a physical illness and they lead with that. Oh! I can’t do this because of this, mental illness, it’s a cop-out because we know being in the inspirational space, that people overcome challenges all the time.
They defy odds and do amazing things with no hands and no legs.
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Scout: I think it’s important. I don’t know if it’s touched upon enough and it’s something I say that can ruffle feathers or maybe trigger some people. I was addicted to my, depression. My, depression, my anxiety and my, mental illness, while it kept me in such distress and pain and chaos and crying fits and, anxiety attacks.
It kept me in my comfort zone, it kept me in the predictable, it kept me in what my body was used to. So, in many ways, it held me back from my healing because it said “no, that freedom out there, that’s unknown – (we don’t know what’s going to happen over there).
Let’s just stay in the pain so we can predict what’s happening, we know how this is going to go. It prevented me and allowed me not go through my formative early 20s not assuming responsibility for my emotional state.
So my, mental illness, was very real and tangible, and loves to visit me at times when I would prefer it not to.
There was a lot of moments and I think most of my suffering came from the fact that I allowed myself to play the victim. I blamed the cards that I was dealt on my despair and suffering. The minute I realized and took responsibility and accepted that these were the cards that I was dealt, I started to use my emotional landscape as my superpower.
Today, ten years after being diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and 16 years after having my first depressive episode, I feel wildly safe in my, emotions.
I think they are my biggest teachers, mentors and guides. They have helped me with, entrepreneurship. They are the reasons I am successful with Scott’s Agency. I also started recognizing that when I got into, entrepreneurship, this game was a, personal development, game. It wasn’t a play, it wasn’t a market strategy (those are all parts of it) but at the end of the day, successful, entrepreneurs, are successful because of their emotional strength and their, mindset.
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I saw that so many women who had the resources, the education, the access to funds, are not getting into the game of their dreams because of self-doubt, because of fear and anxiety. That’s when I woke up. My, bipolar disorder, primed me to walk through emotional hell, to gather the strength and the tools that I could then apply to living out my purpose (which is running Scouts Agency, writing books etc).
So, once I realized that it was the emotional landscape that was holding us all back from success, that’s when the light bulb went off in my brain.
Myrna: Yes, it’s true our, emotions, dictate the quality of our lives which is basically why I named this show “Transform your Mind to transform your life” because if you believe that you can, you can. And if you have this, crutch, that says you were born poor or you were born black or you were born with a, mental illness, or you were born with whatever, crutch, that you want to tell yourself, that prevents you from moving forward, and your life is not going to be transformed.
Scout: Everyone can find a, crutch, no matter who they are, no matter if their life is technically great on paper or technically really unfortunate circumstances, we can all easily rely on a, crutch.
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Entrepreneurship and the emotional ride of uncertainty
Myrna: How can, entrepreneurs, handle the emotional rollercoaster and what kind of, mindset shifts, that they need in order to become a successful, entrepreneur? You talked about your purpose and the fact that your, bipolar disorder, with your highs and lows allowed you to have the emotional strength to become an, entrepreneur.
Let’s talk about the, entrepreneur, that is doing everything. What kind of advice would you give to that, entrepreneur, (female) let’s say that wants to start a magazine or a hair salon or something and has to deal with all the aspects of, entrepreneurship, and the uncertainty?
Scout: First cultivate the belief that you’re safe in your, emotions, and then unconditionally accept that uncomfortable, emotions, are highly part of this game and that you will survive them.
That you are safe in your, emotions, and that you can reduce the suffering above the pain. What I mean by that is if you can limit the, anxiety, about the, anxiety, or the sadness about the, depression, we can work with the root cause. Uncomfortable, emotions, and really understand what it’s trying to tell us, that makes you an, entrepreneur.
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So, before you jump into the game, understand that you’re going to be juggling all the hats.
You’re going to be the customer service expert,
The graphic designer,
You’re going to be the social media manager
The sales manager.
The website designer
All these roles that you have to figure out. On top of that you’re going to have to walk through the uncomfortable discomfort that comes with that responsibility. So, know and accept that’s part of the game.
It’s really suiting up and really pulling in from your personal power and strength. It’s not expecting that, entrepreneurship, is going to be easy, fun and glamorous. That you’re always in alignment, you’re flowing with creative ideas and your courses are selling out with six figure launches automatically etc. The fires will come more often than the successes.
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Myrna: As a Lifecoach, I understand what you’re trying to say, but it’s a very hard pill to swallow, because people go into, entrepreneurship, with the dream of riches and wealth and they don’t necessarily go into it thinking of the fires. They understand it’s hard work, but it’s very hard to smile and say I’m going to walk through the fire. Tony Robbins, make you do the fire walk and I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s setting you up for that you can walk through the fire and not get burnt.
I follow Dwayne Dwyer and he talks about, living from the end. So let’s say that you become an, entrepreneur, for a certain end purpose or end game. When you’re walking through the fire, if you can see that end then it will give you the strength in order to not chuck it in and to move forward.
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Entrepreneurs need to prioritize their mental health
You said that every, entrepreneur, should prioritize their, mental health, but not every, entrepreneur, is going to have, depression, or, bipolar disorder. However, mental health, covers a gamut of things. So what’s your advice on that?
Scout: When I wrote the ‘Emotional Entrepreneur’, it was really not for the mentally ill. I think the beauty of the conversation about, mental illness, that it is coming to the forefront in the last few years. When I was diagnosed 10 years ago, no one is talking about, mental illness. Now the conversation is beautifully being opened. In the conversation about, mental illness, being open, the conversation about everyone’s daily, mental health, is being opened and that’s really the people I want to talk to.
All of my messages are not for those who struggle with, mental illness, it’s for those who have, mental health, which is all of us. I think, for too long we’ve been told that if we don’t have a, mental illness, then there’s nothing we get to prioritize. When our experience here on earth is based on how we relate to our, emotions, and many times we act in spite of our, emotions, when our, higher self, knows better or our, higher self, would have had a different plan for us.
Mental health is not only for people diagnosed with mental illness
So, if you’re an, entrepreneur, and you are listening and you’re like; ‘well, I’m going to go through fires, I’m going to go through ups and downs, I’m going to have to figure out whatever messed up our product or makes a client unhappy. Now, I got to figure out how to make payroll and all of those things you might as well emotionally feel safe during that process because your business is going to soar if you are emotionally sound and strong within.
Myrna: I’m glad you’re saying that, mental health, is not necessary for people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness, but it’s very important to keep your, mental health, strong.
One of the things that I love about your bio is that you talk about your prescription medication for the people that have been diagnosed with, mental illness. Can you share your journey?
Scout: This month celebrates one year of being, psychiatry medication, free and I don’t say that to promote the stigma or to promote anyone to go off their medication. I simply say because, psychiatry medication, got me to a point where I was able to go off them and then flourish in my life. Though, there were a lot of dark moments with me and my trial and error for medication.
If anyone is listening to this, and he’s considering, psychiatry medication, for a, mental illness, diagnosis or, mental health, diagnosis, and he’s feeling ashamed around that, I really invite you to end that shame and that stigma. There are times in our lives where we need to take things to physically and mentally treat our illnesses, our bodies, our spirits and souls etc. I never felt shame around taking the, psychiatric medication.
I really invite you to not passively wait for, psychiatry medication, to come save your mental state, but to really recognize that it’s just a little boost and the rest you really have to show up for. The idea that, psychiatry medication, is going to heal you completely, for me was very helpful because I wasn’t just passively playing the victim and waiting for something else to take over me and heal me. Medication really does a very small percentage of your healing for you.
Psychiatry medication is just the launching pad to healing
Psychiatry medication, can provide that launching pad, but really get ready for yourself to show up for you. I would say to really be your own advocate in the psychiatry office, ask about the symptoms, ask about what’s coming off the medication, ask about the withdrawals, do I have to ease off for two months?
I say this because I was put on a, psychiatry medication, where I was not given the correct information about the withdrawals and it was a really traumatic experience for me. So, it’s really good to ask about the side effects.
The Emotional Entrepreneur
Myrna: Can you tell us about your book “The Emotional Entrepreneur”? You said it was not written for people that have been diagnosed specifically with, mental illness, but to help people prioritize, mental health. I like that play on words. What do you want the readers to walk away after reading your book?
Scout: The Emotional Entrepreneur is really the emotional guidebook for, entrepreneurship. If you are someone who wants to start an agency, a podcast, a product based business, a life coaching, career etc; you might be purchasing books on how to manage clients. You might even be purchasing books on how to hit six figures, you might be purchasing books on how to close more sales, deals, how to brand your website etc, this book is the emotional part of all of that. This is going to be your guidebook towards navigating fear, combating impostor syndrome and enjoying yourself along the way.
By celebrating small wins and believing in yourself, it’s going to help you reframe your relationship to your, anxiety, as you get started. It’s going to make you understand that, entrepreneurship, and starting your own business is the biggest personal development game, and you get to be emotionally supported in that.
Myrna: How can readers connect with you on social media or get a copy of your book?
Scout: You can follow me on Instagram ‘@scoutsobel’, that’s the best place to connect with me. In my bio, there are links to Scout’s Agency, my podcast and you can buy the book there. You can as well get the book on Amazon when you search for “The Emotional Entrepreneur by Scott Sobel”.
Myrna: One of my biggest takeaways about, depression, was reading the book; “The Work” by Byron Katie. I mean I have never actually heard of a, depression, like she went through. She said that she was so depressed that she had to put herself in a halfway house, and she laid on the floor and couldn’t get up and couldn’t move until one day she decided to change her inner dialogue and change her mindset.
Thank you guys all supporting the Transform Your Mind podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes if you found this content inspirational.
Happiness, cannot be seen or touched, it is Spiritual. In the, pursuit of happiness, we all want to be on the, happiness wheel. Why do we all want to be Happy? Because everybody wants, happiness.
The healing influence of being on the, happiness wheel, travels literally at the speed of light. Like a single inspiring thought that goes out on the internet and reaches millions of people in just a few hours; being on the, happiness wheel, multiplies exponentially … Replacing chaos, confusion, and conflict with order, clarity, and peace.
There are two types of, happiness:
The first kind of, happiness, comes from things turning out the way we’d like them to. This is known as, happiness, for a reason. You are on the, happiness wheel, because life is good. We say, “I’m happy because I have a family and friends,” or “I’m happy because I am in a relationship,” or “I’m happy because I’m going on vacation,” and so on. This kind of, happiness, is inherently fleeting because it depends on external reasons that can be taken away from us at any time. Although we tend to avoid thinking about it, we can lose our friends, our job, our savings, our health, and our loved ones at any time.
These are temporary, external sources of, happiness, that come and go like a passing breeze. But, a real, happiness wheel, can only flow from the inside out. It cannot be achieved by depending on people, things, employment etc.
Happiness Film
In the movie “show me the money” Tom Cruise made popular the phrase “you complete me” I know it sounds good and we all would like to know that someone feels that way about us; but someone else cannot truly complete us.
Only God is our source of true, happiness. He promises to “never leave you or forsake you.
Laughter – Laughter is a symptom of spirituality. Laughter is the flow of love coursing through your body. Laughter is the nectar of present moment awareness. Invite more laughter into your life and relish the magic in every moment.
I am a very happy person. I have massive amounts of energy, I laugh frequently and smile naturally all the time. Once in a while something or someone would knock me off my, happiness, perch; but I don’t linger there. I immediately seek out my Happy place. Remember the movie “Happy Gilmore”?
You can’t be your best if you are not in your happy place.
Places to Find, Happiness
Taking a walk in nature, either on the beach or in the park. When I lived in Toronto, and it was cold outside, I would take a drive,
Watch a funny movie and laugh till I cried,
Read a love story.
You have to know your happy place and go there often.
When you play and laugh with abandon, you enter into the present moment, which is the only place where you can experience happiness.
Sources to Radiate Happiness on the, Happiness Wheel
Unconditional love – Love is a spiritual emotion. Physiology has a truly alarming statistic that states that if a mother gives up on a child he or she becomes truly lost. If the entire world gives up on him or her the child would still have hope; but if the mother is still supporting him, regardless of how many people write him/her off, that child can change and turn his or her life around.
That is why God hard wired unconditional love into mothers. The Disney movie Maleficent does an awesome job with this theory with the love of a mother substitute! The message, the only true love is the love of a mother! I love Angelina, she is my hero. When you love unconditionally, you access your spiritual realm and, radiate happiness, from the inside out. The object of your love is able to feel that love and revel in it.
Unconditional love on the, Happiness Wheel
When we don’t practice unconditional love, we experience pain, doubt, and unhappiness. We can’t get on the, happiness wheel. Love isn’t a capricious emotion but is a state of being. It is an experience of unity with all creation. In spirit we are pure love.
We don’t have to search outside ourselves for love, because love is our essence.” David Simon
Meditation– Allows us to tap into your own inexhaustible source of inner peace, fulfillment, spiritual development, personal development and self- awareness. The essence of meditation is experiencing our innate wholeness, the unity of our body, mind, and spirit. True, happiness, is an internal state of consciousness that allows us to be happy for no reason at all.
We score high on the, happiness wheel. It is independent of the circumstances, events, people, and things in our lives. This happiness comes from the realization that our true self isn’t our body, thoughts, emotions, personality, possessions, accomplishments, relationships, or any other time-bound attribute. Our essential nature is pure, unbounded consciousness, also known as the field of all possibilities.
The attributes of this, happiness wheel,
include happiness,
love, timelessness,
compassion,
creativity,
wisdom,
silence,
and grace.
Replace Fear with Love – One of the clouds that obscure our innate state of, happiness, and block our spiritual awakening is unnecessary fear and anxiety. This fear is a negative emotion that causes anxiety, inflammation and pain. The root cause of this fear.
expressing our true feelings, and so many other things.
Spiritual Life Coaching can help you release the grip that fear has on you by expanding your awareness to the pure potentiality of your true self and nature, which is infinite, whole, and unbounded.
Become Conscious – In my book “Becoming Conscious, My Awakening” I write about becoming conscious of my spirituality, becoming conscious of Synchro-destiny, a term this is used to label that every moment is as it should be, and that there are no coincidences in life.
Everything is preordained. When you accept this fact, then you will live more in the moment because you realize that in this moment is where miracles happen. The bible says “seek and you will find” if you look for the miracles of life, you will find them and then you will radiate on the, happiness wheel, from the inside out.
Just as a radiant sunrise can be hidden behind the clouds, our inner, happiness, can become obscured by constricted awareness, limiting thought patterns, and emotional turmoil. Yet no matter how long we have been lost in fear and limitation, we can learn to rise above the clouds of conditioning and awaken to the source of happiness within us.
