Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class
Victims of domestic abuse may also include a child or other relative, or any other household member.
Domestic abuse is typically manifested as a pattern of abusive behavior toward an intimate partner in a dating or family relationship, where the abuser exerts power and control over the victim.
Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature. Incidents are rarely isolated and usually escalate in frequency and severity. Domestic abuse may culminate in serious physical injury or death.
Signs of Domestic Abuse
My guest today shares her story of years of, domestic abuse, she was verbally and physically abused by her parents and then continued the cycle into, abusive relationships, one of them almost killing her. After her last, abusive relationship, ended, she discovered that he was sexually molesting her 7-year-old daughter. Shermomicia tells a powerful story of how she is stopping the cycle of, domestic violence, and healing her family.
Recognizing the signs of domestic abuse
Does your partner…
- Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
- Put down your accomplishments?
- Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
- Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
- Tell you that you are nothing without them?
- Treat you roughly—grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
- Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
- Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
- Blame you for how they feel or act?
- Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
- Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship?
- Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with friends or family?
- Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?
Domestic Abuse and Childhood Trauma
Shermonicia tell me your back story. I know you’re studying for your master’s degree right now, but can you take us through your journey to this point in your life.
I have three sisters and one brother. The four of us growing up with my mother and father they were both on drugs. My whole entire life was abusive. I am also a victim of, sexual molestation. I was sexually attacked when I was like seven or eight. It was hard growing up with both parents on drugs. I have three kids with 3 different men who were all abusive.
I’m going to talk about the abuse today is where the abuse that almost cost me my life.
I would say that my childhood abuse started way before I even got with any man. My mother was very verbally and physically abusive. Every day she would tell me how she wished she never had us.
Domestic Abuse Survivors Lack Self Esteem
She called us all kind of names so, I didn’t have no self-esteem, none whatsoever. My father was abusive as well; he would abuse my mom. It led me to abusive men. I got married to my son’s dad and he was verbally abusive. He left me and my son with no money and we got evicted. I lost my job because of him, and we’d had nowhere to go, so my mother decided I guess you can come stay with me.
So, I lived with her for a little while and I was able to get back on my own feet to get my own place. I met my oldest daughter father 2 years after my divorce. We got together and I had his child seven months after we met. Four months after she was born, the abuse and domestic violence, started. It lasted for four years. I was physically beaten not daily, maybe every other day. He was a monster.
He really was. I have been kicked in my head, I have been punched and choked and slapped; brought up against walls dragged, through the house by my hair. He locked me in a closet, he used belts. I didn’t want to sleep with him; two times he knocked me unconscious and he got so scared because he thought he killed me.
Wow, domestic violence, is no joke. It is hard for me to write this.
How to Overcome the Pain of Domestic Violence and Child Molestation
Multiple domestic violence relationships
Shermonicia let’s talk about what happened in the third, domestic violence, relationship.
I met him in 2013 and right away we started a sexual relationship. He was always saying I don’t want a girlfriend, I just want to have have fun. I got pregnant seven months after meeting him. So here I am, a third child by a third man. He used God to get in the door. He said God told me you’re going to be my wife and he just he moved in.
For the first 3-4 months the relationship was wonderful. He was a narcissist, who used sex to control, He was very sexual he used sex with everything that he does. So after 4 months the verbal and, mental abuse, started. The pattern of, domestic abuse, started again. He’d push me against the wall, he’d put his hands on me, but it wasn’t like the first, domestic violence, relationship I was in.
He proposed and we were planning our wedding and fifty days before the wedding he called it off. He jumped on me in front of my children and walked out. About a month after he left, my seven-year-old daughter came to me and said he put grease between my legs. That kind of caught me off guard and when I went to him and asked him about it and he said she was hurting down there so I put grease.
Conclusion
My daughter would not talk about it until I took her to a church group, the lady was sharing about how her father molested her and she broke down and told me all what her was doing to her. It was almost like a second heartbreak to me because I was dealing with a breakup. We had a four-year-old child together, I was going to marry this man. It was devastating and so I immediately contacted the authorities, and you know got everything going. Domestic abuse is a felony. Child sexual abuse is also a felony. At this writing, we are awaiting trial.
Tune in to listen to this incredible story of survival and how Shermomicia is making sure that the cycle does not continue to her daughters.
RESOURCES:
Domestic Violence Support | National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/
