The Lord said to Samuel “Don’t judge David by his appearance or height. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I teach on why we should not judge our partners by their outward appearances, but by what’s in their heart.
Background story of why we should look into the heart
A blind girl hated everything and everyone except her boyfriend because he was the only one who was always there for her. When he asked her to marry him, she refused saying she could only marry a man if she could see his, eyes.
Sometime later someone gave her a pair of, eyes, and when she could see, she saw that her boyfriend was blind and his, eyes, were closed. She told him she couldn’t marry him because she couldn’t look at his closed, eyes, for the rest of her life. Her boyfriend went away with tears in his eyes.
Sometime later she received a letter from her boyfriend asking her to be careful with her, eyes, because they were once his!
So today I want to teach on how to look at the, heart, and not the covering.
True love comes from the heart
Let’s first define, true love. Is, true love, goose bumps, sexual attraction, chemistry, or is, true love, the willingness to give your partner what they need to be complete eg. your, eyes, if they can’t see?
Humans are always influenced by what they see. It is the first level of, attraction. What we see is linked to our, heart. I was watching the Tarzan movie the other day and when Tarzan met Jane, he started to sniff her private parts. Humans can’t go around doing that so we depend on our, eyes, to influence our, heart. That is why we spend hours every day tweaking our, appearance, so that we look our best.
But what about our insides? How much time do you spend tweaking our insides so that we are the best version of ourselves?
Don’t judge the outward appearance: look at the heart
The Lord said to Samuel “Don’t judge, David, by his, appearance, or height. People judge by, outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the, heart.”
Personally, I have always liked my men tall, dark and slim built and when I met my husband, I almost rejected him because he is built like a linebacker and definitely not tall and slim, but I noticed his, heart, immediately and that is why I married him.
Ladies it is nice to have a picture in your mind of what you are looking for in a man, but don’t reject someone outside of your parameters without first looking into his, heart. His, open heart, is what will love you and be emotionally available to you. It will love your kids, provide and protect your family.
I remember Joel Osteen preaching on the subject years ago. He said that his sister had this image of the man she wanted to marry and it didn’t include a red-haired man, so when a red hair man came courting, she sent him away until she realized that this was the man God chose for her. She had to let go of her idea of what a perfect man should look like and look at the, heart, of the man in front of her.
How a man treats others reveals his heart
They have now been married for over 20 years. Ladies sometimes you get what you ordered, but most times you have to take what shows up. Look at how the man treats you, how he treats his mother, how he treats the waiter and his relationship with God and you will get a peek into his, soul.
And if you find one with a great, heart, but not the, outward appearance, that you prefer, please don’t throw him back in the pond, because some other woman will gladly fish him out!
How to Listen to your Heart
By choosing to follow or, listen your heart, you are gaining the strength that comes from all the love you’ve ever had. Once you feel it, that love can overcome your problems.
Understand that if you approach someone with an, open heart, he or she will feel it and will most likely return a similar energy to you. That’s how relationships are born, reaching out and touching another. It’s what we all want, and it is available to you by just being willing to, listen to your heart.
Conclusion
Thanks for tuning into 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my facebook group called Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week.
Are you a single woman hoping to, find your soul mate? What about your, twin flame, who is your mirror, soul. Science says that when you meet your Life partner, some thing magical happens. In this blog we look at what happens when two, souls, with constructive energies meet?
Listen to the full interview here:
In our last episode my co-host and I looked at what, single women, need to do to get their house ready for love, where to look for love and what to look for when you are starting over after divorce or death of a partner.
Today’s episode of the Transform your Mind Radio Hour is sponsored by Columbus Financial Coach. Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com
Introduction
How to, Find your Soul mate, the Science of Attraction
In the last Blog post, I shared how I met my husband on a train. I am going to use this personal story to illustrate what happens when two strangers or, souls, meet for the first time.
As you may remember from Chemistry class, every atom and molecule gives out and absorbs light. The human body is made up of 50 trillion cells composed of atoms and molecules. So we are massive bundles of energy giving off and absorbing light or energy all the time.
When two energies come together they become entangled, the first step to, find your soul mate, is constructive energy.
When two energies are in harmony, the result is called, constructive energy, because it increases in size. That is why you should grow as a person when you are in the right relationship.
We call this, “good vibes” very important when you are hoping to, find your soul mate.
So let’s look at what happened when I met my husband and our energies became constructive!
I walked onto a train and he was standing by the door. I looked fine, mini skirt, sunglasses, designer bag over my shoulder, so I caught his attention. He caught my attention because he was the first black officer I had seen on the train.
On be known to me my second Chakra or energy center in charge of communication sent him a signal because he tells me he felt this warm feeling in his body. He had never felt that before. Let me put a pin here and explain.
Our bodies are made up of seven energy centers, called Chakras. Each of these energy centers are responsible for certain functions. I know that my second Chakra located below my navel is my communication center and it is responsible for engaging a mate by sending out signals when it finds a compatible energy so you can, find your soul mate.
My husband could also be my, twin flame. After 14 years of marriage, I do believe we are mirror souls. What Is A Twin Flame? Sometimes discussed in terms of a “mirror soul” or, soul connection, a, twin flame, is the other half of your, soul. It is theorized that a, soul, can split into two after ascending to a high frequency. Thereafter, the, soul, lands in two different bodies.
I must have also received something from my husband’s energy center as well because my thoughts lingered on him. I was curious. That was all that it was for me at that time. Curiosity. I was not actively looking to, find a soul mate.
But I have heard men say that the first time they saw their wife they knew that she was the one. There is such a thing as love at first sight! Have you heard Steve Harvey tell his story of when he met his wife and, how he found his, soul mate?. I don’t think he was actively trying to, find your soul mate. But there she was. He was doing stand up comedy and she walked in late with her girlfriends, and he couldn’t stop staring at her. In fact he couldn’t even continue his act. He told her right then that she was going to be his wife! Believe in compatible energy, it is real.
Anyway, back to my story. Because our energies entangled and we both got, good vibes, we looked to further the communication.
The, Soul mate Connection, is Immediate
Another pin. That is why we shouldn’t chase men. if you guys have, constructive energy, or, good vibes, they will reach out. We are hard wired to mate. It is all happening without our conscious thought. Your soul is looking for it’s, twin flame.
So my husband searched for me on the train every day until he found me. I noticed him sit behind me for a few mins while he got up the nerve to come talk to me. We talked for about 30 mins until I got off the train at my stop. I will confess that I was not impressed by the conversation. He cursed like a sailor. I think that men who curse in front of women have no respect; but when I got off the train my energy body told me that it had made a, soul connection.
I had this incredible feeling of euphoria! My stomach was doing somersaults. I knew right then that we would have a relationship. I knew right then that I had found my, soul mate, This is how you, find your soulmate, you listen to your body.
Three months later he proposed we were married 8 months after. That was 13 years ago and we are still in love, compatible energies!
Soul mate Meaning
This is an example of the science of two, compatible energies, something we have no control over. That is why you have heard people say we have no control over who we love. You can’t pick your, soul mate. The science of attraction brings him or her to you.
Your, soul mate meaning, two souls joining together to perfect each other.
On the other hand when your energy is not in sync with other, we get, bad vibes, not your, soul mate. The energy cancels each other out and instead of feeling euphoria you feel depleted.
Energy is your most important reading as a single woman looking for a mate. Ever heard the saying that someone is like an anchor, you can’t thrive since you met them. Pay attention that means that you are not expanding, you are contracting or stuck.
Illustration the Science of, Attraction, the bad vibe
Rhonda met this great guy at a bar. The guy was gorgeous, absolutely delicious. He pursued and seduced her and they started, dating. They had a great time together but something didn’t click. He was kinda, sorta vague on his explanation about everything.
It took about three months of, dating, this guy for Rhonda to discover that he was still living with his daughter’s mother and another 6 months to understand that theirs was an on and off relationship. He would never under any circumstances spend the night, saying that he did not want his daughter to wake up and he was not there. This reminds me of Whitney Houston’s married relationship in Waiting to Exhale!
This is when Rhonda realized that a married man is a married man. They can string you along forever. They can tell you anything. She decided to breakup. The breakup was mutual but she wasted at least 2 years on a relationship that was going nowhere when if she had paid attention to her, bad vibes, she could have saved herself from heartache.
Reading energy is the most important data in the, dating, world.
Be careful of Psychopaths while looking to, find your Soul Mate
Have you ever met a psychopath? Or been in a relationship with one? They are masters at reading energy.
We are all broadcasting a frequency of our most innermost thoughts. That is how a predator picks out his prey.
That is how a mugger chooses his victim.
Animals also know how to read this energy. A lion picks his prey from a flock. He reads the vibration of the weakest prey.
I am sure everyone on the planet is aware on some level of the Art Kelly crimes against teenage girls and women. How do you think he chose his victims? Women who would allow him to disrespect their bodies and lock them up in a room and have to ask to go to the bathroom and ask to eat? Some said that he didn’t feed them for 3 days, yet they didn’t leave. As one of his victims said in an interview. If you were weak minded, he wants you. You could be a teenager or a 30 year old woman!
Science of, attraction, reading vibrations when looking to, find your soul mate?
Synergistic relationships are based on both individuals being on the same wavelength, when they completely understand each other and don’t try to limit the space they occupy in each other’s lives.
I read an article that stated the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The examples used was if you train two Belgian horses together, the effect is multiplied: together, they can pull 32,000 pounds. Two horses, doing the work of four, even though it seems to defy physics. Often, in a positive relationship, you’ll find that synergy is already happening.
How can you increase that by finding harmony, in acknowledging individual strengths and how they work best together? For example, I love to shop; but I don’t necessarily like to cook all the time. My husband, will send me a list of all the items to pick up the grocery store and he will cook. I then just have to do keep the kitchen tidy and get the family read to enjoy his great cooking. It works for both of us.
In regards to signs women should look out for in predators, Robert Hare, one of the world’s foremost experts on, psychopathic behavior, believes that people need to know what to do in the event they find themselves involved or associated with a predatory psychopath.
Here are his tips on How to Avoid being targeted by a predator when trying to, find your soulmate:
Be careful of props—the winning smile, the promises, the fast talk, and the gifts meant to deflect you from the manipulation and exploitation that may be occurring. Any of these characteristics can have enormous sleight-of-hand value, serving to distract you.”
Anyone who seems too perfect is. Psychopaths hide their dark sides until they get their target person deeply involved. Too much flattery, feigned kindness, and cracks in grandiose stories should provide clues and put you on your guard. Make reasonable inquiries.
Know yourself—or you might be vulnerable from your blind spots. Predators know how to find and use your triggers, so the more you realize what you tend to fall for, the more closely you can guard against it.
The second stage in the Science of Attraction, is Chemistry
I know you have heard this word thrown around all the time. For example the dating sites match people up by common interests; but they can’t manufacture chemistry.
Let’s get back to my husband for a minute.
I just shared all about the our first meeting and about us having good vibes but if we had no chemistry we would just become good friends.
Here are the Chemicals released by love that is responsible for Chemistry:
Dopamine – Lights up your pleasure center. Your pleasure goes up when you are near or think about this person. Your motivation goes up, Now you are thinking of that nice house and 2 kids! Your sadness goes down, if you were depressed, you are now happy.
I know you have heard the saying love is blind. It is true. Dopamine make you more attractive to your mate and since we are on this planet to procreate, your sexuality goes up! I am sure you have heard or have personal data that new lovers do it all the time!
The second chemical that is released in love is Oxytocin – Oxytocin is responsible for trust. Your level of trust goes up, and your attachment goes up. This is probably why your girlfriends can’t figure why you are going out with a player; but you don’t see it until your heart is crushed. The psychopath uses this one to his advantage.
Finally Serotonin is released. – This hormone is responsible for all the pain attached to love. Serotonin goes up and you become obsessed with your lover. Love is a chemical addiction!
Thank God I have only had one experience with an over abundance of this hormone.
I met one of my boyfriends at a club and it was an instant attraction. I fell hard. I swooned when he called me baby the next day!
Less than 2 months after we met, we made plans to spend the New Year in Jamaica. He left before Christmas but I wouldn’t leave my kids for Christmas so I made plans to meet him in Jamaica after Christmas. It was the longest week in my entire life. I literally looked at the clock the entire time. I was an addict! I however did not, find my soulmate.
Arifah what can you lend to this conversation from a social worker perspective?
Wow, Myrna glad you spoke about the hormones. I always talk to my clients about increasing their Oxytocin through touch, such as a hug, holding hands, a kiss. Everyone has a sensitive area on the body that causes arousal when touched, whether sexual or just to feel good. It’s important in a relationship to know what your partner likes and does not, to give each other compliments and share tips on how increase synergy between each other. It’s important to always reminisce on moments, like when you first met, knew you were in love and what you admire about one another now. All of this, helps build connection.
In general the most salient characteristics for chemistry between two people are mutual interest (reciprocal candor, reasonableness, intimacy,
Remember you have an open invitation to join this group to get answers from the group on any of your struggles in life.
Question from Velma: I would like to, find your soul mate, but most men in my age group 60, want a traditional woman to cook and clean and a man to think for her. I’m not a traditional woman and I’m tired of pretending to be helpless. How do we as women maneuver in a world of the insecure man?
My answer – be both cake and ice-cream. Sometimes you are soft like ice cream and sometimes you are in charge and embrace your masculine energy and be cake.
What’s your answer Arifah
Keep doing what you love and make yourself a priority to level up.
Question from Elizabeth:
Should I be looking to, find your soul mate, of just someone to keep me warm at night?
When you are in your fifties and you have to start all over dating, do you date to find a husband or should you be okay with someone to keep you warm at night.
My answer- Someone to keep you warm at night. Women over 40 have a very slim chance of finding a husband, but you can definitely, find your soul mate!
What’s your answer Arifah?
Its up to you, based on what you are looking for in the present. Dating, can work either way, based on what you end up wanting.
Arifah is the Founder and Program Director of Lifted by Purpose.
Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services to organizations seeking trainings, workshops or programs with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors. Including:
Anger Management
Healthy Relationships
Mental Health Education and Coping Skills
Youth Engagement and
Mental Health First Aid Training
Located at 180 Shaw St, suite 201, Toronto, Ont. Phone # 416-391-5270
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